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the pianos song feels different after her passing. feeling the keys upon my fingers as the notes dance around my head. the music neither happy nor sad, a bittersweet tragedy condensed into the notes of a sickeningly sweet piano. at this point i doubt i’m the one even playing the piano, it feels as though it’s playing me. perhaps that’s how she had felt.
a delightful childrens song dances upon the keys as i brush my fingers against them however in my head it’s as if the keys are covered in nails, spitting daggers through the notes as i’m being forced to play for eternity.
if anything this disgustingly beautiful piano is the same as this game. a game in which no one truely wins or loses, a game in which we are stuck playing for eternity, a game in which there is no way out. i bet the mastermind knew that though. maybe they had something to do with her death.
i feel as though the pianos lying to me however. i know a liar when i see one even if said liar happens to be an old slick black piano with a thin layer of dust beginning to stick to its surface. the notes it’s playing arent the same as before. it’s like it’s playing some sick prank on me.
perhaps it’s not the piano that’s lying though. a piano is simply that, a piano. it cannot play itself the only meaning behind this instrument is written by the one playing it. illustrated through their hands gently pressing on the keys over and over until you have something meaningful.
although the music isn’t that loud i feel as if i’m underwater, hearing everything from inside a bubble. the notes become empty and hollow as my mind stretches further and further from my physical state.
and then there’s something else there. something reaching out and grabbing my hand pulling me out of my drowning state. a hand. a hand belonging to none other then the kaito momota. a hand that gently holds mine as the one on his opposite side begins to play the same tune that’s been ringing through my head.
the notes sound old and rusted, slightly sharper then before but with a sense of familiarity. despite the music sounding sharp it leaves a gentle feeling. one of sorrow and sadness buried deep inside the person sitting next to me. but inside of that sadness there’s something else. something i can’t quite put my finger on.
he looks at me. he stops for a second and looks me in the eyes, no words are exchanged though i know what he wants. i look away though i can begin to see a slight smile form upon his lips as he lets go of my hand. i begin playing again but this time there’s someone else with me. someone caring and kind and strong. for once in my life i felt safe.
safety comes in the strangest forms doesn’t it? despite the circumstances and the lingering thought of death in my mind i accept this moment. the music continues on this time not as the same bittersweet song as before. it’s as if it’s been reincarnated. i could feel the warmth next to me, both from him and the piano. our hearts coming together to form something resembling a phoenix. a melody coming from pain and agony. it’s something we’ve created together though belonging to neither of us.
i know in my heart i have no right to be here. i have no right to mourn or cry or anything for her. i hope wherever she is now she can hear us and our gift to her. a promise. a promise that no matter what we’ll win this game.
maybe one day i’ll see you again kaede. maybe one day i’ll meet you up there and apologize. i hope you’re doing well. i wish i could’ve stopped you. i knew where working together would lead us and yet i couldn’t stop you. i’m sorry. i’ll try harder for you. know your death wasn’t in vain, it never was and never will be. i won’t let it.
sometimes i don’t think you’ll ever die though. you’re alive in our hearts kaede, in this piano, in your music. saihara misses you the most though. he should be the one here not me. like ive mentioned i have no right to this piano, i feel as though i’m tainting the pristine white keys with my pink stained finger tips.
it’s like every time i press down another key gets destroyed but the boy sitting next to me can somehow take that and make it something beautiful. i’d never admit it but i appreciate what he’s doing, he may be an idiot but he’s smarter then i give him credit for.
our hands brush against each other for the first time since beginning to play together, his fingertips are rough though i don’t mind.
in that moment i think i realize what i’ve been missing in his melody all this time. the pain, the sadness, the misery, it’s all still there but deep down there’s hope. a hope for what is something i might never know and i don’t intend to figure out.
i may not trust him yet. he could always be the mastermind but for once in my life i let myself exist for the sake of existing. i know as soon as this song ends i’ll have to go back to my dorm, back to the ultimate supreme leader but for the first time since this game started it feels nice to be kokichi ouma.