Work Text:
Two weeks after Jiang Yanli dies, Jiang Cheng disappears. He takes Jin Ling and simply leaves his house, his friends and family behind.
He did not say a word, not even a call, a message to anyone.
Jiang Fengmian and Madam Yu stop looking after a month, Wei Wuxian takes a while longer and Jin Guangshan even more. Lan Xichen is ashamed to admit he did not help them, simply trusted that Jiang Cheng needed some time alone, that he would come back to them once he was ready.
A year pass and then three, five, six , and nothing changes. And, just like that, Lan Xichen has to face the utmost truth – Jiang Cheng is gone for good , and Lan Xichen doesn't know him as well as he thought.
–
Lan Xichen doesn't drink. He doesn't have the same problem as his brother, but he doesn't particularly enjoy the taste, but it is said that drinking helps one forget and tonight he just wants to forget everything.
Seven years. At this point he spent more time without Jiang Cheng than with him. So why is it so hard to forget? Why is it so hard to move on?
He takes another sip of the whiskey, lets out a humorless laugh. He knows why, it is in his blood. When Lans fall in love, they love forever . Why would Lan Xichen be any different?
He throws caution to the wind, decides seven years is enough and he deserves to have this drink and the next one and perhaps that entire bottle of tequila the bartender offered when he arrived.
It all hurts too much, his head, his body, his heart . He just wants to forget.
–
When he wakes up, the first thing he notices is the sunlight through the curtains. Lan Xichen closes his eyes, pulls the covers over his face and groans.
He supposes he deserves this, he knew what he was getting into, after all. But then the nausea hits and he has to scramble towards the bathroom. And that's when he realizes he is not in his house.
–
“Take this.” Wei Wuxian says, placing a painkiller and a glass of water in front of him. “Trust me, it helps.” He smiles and Lan Xichen feels like covering his eyes, his smile is that blinding.
Wangji sits next to his husband, watching Lan Xichen the entire time. He said good morning when Lan Xichen walked down the stairs and nothing else, but his eyes are worried, Lan Xichen can see and feels guilt settling in his chest when he realizes he caused this.
“I'm sorry.” Lan Xichen says. He has no idea how he ended up at his brother's house, supposes someone must have recognized him and called Wangji – he's thankful they didn't call his uncle. “I'll leave you as soon as I'm feeling better.”
He watches as his brother and his husband trade a worried glance, feels uneasy when Wei Wuxian finally sighs and turns back to him, expression filled with guilt.
“Xichen-ge,” he says, “do you remember anything from last night?”
Lan Xichen arches an eyebrow and forces himself to think about the bar, the countless glasses of alcohol he consumed. He remembers bits and pieces, a glass falling to the ground, a confused yell, his brother's face, tears . His own?
“I –” he shakes his head, ashamed, “not much.”
Wei Wuxian nods in understanding, but is Wangji who talks first. “Brother called me last night.” He says. “Crying.”
Oh, no. Lan Xichen closes his eyes, runs a hand over his face. This is humiliating.
“I am truly sorry.” He reaches out for his brother's hand, feels his heart swelling with affection when Wangji accepts the touch easily. Wei Wuxian really changed him, Lan Xichen couldn't be prouder of how far his little brother has come.
Wangji nods. “Brother,” he adds, “you're in love with Jiang Wanyin.” He says, as upfront as always. Lan Xichen startles so badly, he pulls his hand back, a gasp escaping his lips.
“I –” it is clear they won't believe him if he tries to deny, and what good would that make? He can blame the high levels of alcohol in his blood, but in reality, this is a secret he was tired of keeping, “yes, I am. Still.” He admits, finally. If only he could have done that sooner.
This time it is Wei Wuxian who takes his hand. “I'm sorry, Xichen-ge. If only I knew .” There are tears in his eyes and he notices Wangji's hand on his back, supportive, loving .
“Wei Wuxian, there is nothing to be sorry for.” He tries his best to give him a reassuring smile. This is not his fault. “He left and –”
“No, it's not that!” Wei Wuxian shakes his head frantically, takes his phone and forces Lan Xichen to hold it. “Xichen-ge,” he points at the phone, “I know where he is.”
Baffled, Lan Xichen blinks down at the phone in his hands, almost drops it when he finally sees the photo.
Lan Xichen thought about him almost every day, dreamed about Jiang Cheng's smile, his beautiful eyes, but in his imagination, Jiang Cheng still looks the same as he did when he was eighteen. That same mischievous smile, the annoyed expression that Lan Xichen always found endearing.
This picture – this is the real Jiang Cheng. Older, hair longer, his smile isn't as big as it used to be, but he looks happy as he waves at the camera, holding a little boy that Lan Xichen assumes is Jin Ling.
Oh , gods. Lan Xichen collapses on the closest chair, holding the phone so tightly it could break. “How?”
Wei Wuxian sniffles audibly, sits on the chair next to him. “I'll tell you.”
–
“He wanted to leave, even before-” Wei Wuxian trails off. Lan Xichen nods, he's always known how hard it was for Jiang Cheng at his house, his relationship with his parents toeing the line between neglect and abuse. He never voiced his complaints but it was obvious to anyone who was close enough to see. Especially when they knew his siblings as well.
Jiang Yanli getting married, Wei Wuxian going to college and all but moving in with Lan Wangji only worsened Jiang Cheng's situation.
“And when jiejie died,” ha pauses, closing his eyes as more tears begin to fall, “he knew Jin Guangshan would try to take Jin Ling away. We all know he tried.” Lan Xichen nods, Jin Guangshan went insane when Jiang Cheng vanished, there are rumors about him cursing at his servants, throwing furniture around and then getting drunk for days. But there was nothing he could do, really. Jiang Cheng is Jin Ling's legal guardian, the police wouldn't accept his attempts at reporting the boy missing.
He says as much out loud and Wei Wuxian nods. “That's where Jin Guangyao walks in.” Lan Xichen frowns. “Jin Guangshan hired a private detective, one of the best, but he never actually met with him. It was always Jin Guangyao.”
That is the part that always confused him. Jiang Cheng isn't a spy or a master of disguise, a private detective could have found them, but nothing came back despite Jin Guangshan's many attempts.
“Without Jin Ling, Jin Guangshan had no heir, except for Jin Guangyao.” Wei Wuxian explains and Lan Xichen closes his eyes again. He was so stupid, how could he not have noticed it before? After Jin Guangshan died, Jin Guangyao did inherit most of his assets. He turned the company around, practically doubled their profits in a year and is living happily in his mansion.
He stopped looking for Jin Ling as soon as Jin Guangshan was cremated and they never talked about it. Lan Xichen still trying to mend his broken heart and Jin Guangyao, he had assumed, had given up after trying for all those years.
It all makes sense, except for – “so how do you –” he asks and watches as Wei Wuxian lowers his head. Lan Xichen has never seen him like this before.
“I've always known.” He admits finally, voice small and shy. Lan Xichen takes a deep breath, closes his eyes to try and calm himself. He feels the anger bubbling inside him, closes his fists so tight he feels his nails prickling the palms of his hands.
“Wei Wuxian –” he says, takes a look at his brother, feeling wronged, betrayed. Wangji looks as confused as he feels and Lan Xichen understands then, that he also didn't know. Seven years married and Wei Wuxian kept this a secret from him as well.
“I'm – I'm not sorry about lying.” Wei Wuxian says, raising his head and giving them a defying look. “I made a promise to my brother.” He points out, turning to Wangji. Lan Xichen knows from the look on Wangji's face that his brother has already forgiven him. And he also knows – deep inside his heart – that there is nothing to forgive in the end.
There is nothing he wouldn't do for his brother, after all.
“I am sorry for not noticing before.” Wei Wuxian insists. “If only I knew you are in love with him – Xichen-ge, if only I –”
“Brother hid it very well.” Wangji interrupts, taking Wei Wuxian's hand but keeping his eyes on Lan Xichen. He doesn't sound angry, never does. His eyes are soft, but there's sadness in them.
Wangji feels sorry for him. Gods, how pitiful.
“Wei Wuxian,” Lan Xichen says after a moment, suddenly feeling like he's aged twenty years in the span of an hour. He's so tired of running from his feelings, hiding them because he's afraid of facing rejection, of losing a friendship. It was his apparent disinterest that led Jiang Cheng to feel backed into a corner, without another option but to run away to protect his most treasured person. Alone, “where is he?”
–
Jin Ling is on the yard when Lan Xichen arrives at the farm. Well, animal sanctuary, he corrects himself. Jiang Cheng was studying to be a vet when Jiang Yanli died and to be able to raise Jin Ling without help, he had to drop out of school.
“He works at an animal sanctuary now.” Wei Wuxian had said, showing him more and more pictures of Jiang Cheng and Jin Ling and the animals he works with – foxes (Wei Wuxian did not save the pictures of the wolves, he admitted, pulling a face), deers.
Lan Xichen is glad that he's still doing something he loves, even if it's not what he always dreamed about.
He parks the car, takes a moment to watch Jin Ling. The boy has a puppy with him and he seems to be teaching it how to play fetch, throwing a purple ball for the puppy to catch. It seems to be going well and Jin Ling always makes sure to give the dog a treat when it brings the ball back.
Lan Xichen startles when a man steps outside the house, waving for Jin Ling to get inside. When the boy doesn't immediately obey, the man goes to him, picks him up and throws him over his shoulder. The boy shrieks with laughter and the puppy follows them, yapping happily.
He doesn't realize he started crying until he feels the tears running down his cheeks.
They look happy, like a real family. A family Jin Ling lost at such a young age, a family Jiang Cheng never really had.
He watches Jin Ling squirm and Jiang Cheng put him down, running a hand over his hair. Jin Ling throws the ball again and when the puppy brings it back he smiles up at his uncle, chest puffing out proudly. Jiang Cheng smiles at him and Lan Xichen can clearly see him mouthing the words 'good job' at his nephew who smiles even brighter and throws himself at him.
Jiang Cheng accepts the hug with ease and Lan Xichen feels his heart swell with love. Oh, how he wishes he could have been there to watch him grow as a parent, to watch this little boy break down all Jiang Cheng's walls and help him accept that affection is something good and not a weakness. That love should be given freely and not earned through excellent grades or good behavior.
Lan Xichen doesn't know how long he stays inside the car, drinking on the sight of Jiang Cheng after so many years. He's a man now, not a eighteen-year old, and all his features are the same but more defined by the years. Lan Xichen stares at his broad shoulders, admires the curve of his neck, the cut of his jaw, gazes up to his mouth and when he reaches his eyes, Lan Xichen finds them looking at him.
–
“Wei Wuxian told you?” It's the first thing Jiang Cheng asks, defensive, when Lan Xichen finally steps out of the car and walks towards him.
“Yes.” He answers, stops a few feet away from them. Jiang Cheng stands in front of Jin Ling protectively, and Lan Xichen feels his heart drop to his stomach. What was he expecting, anyway? “How are you?” He starts, friendly, looks down at Jin Ling and smiles. “Hello.”
“Jin Ling, inside.” Jiang Cheng orders and the boy all but scrambles to obey. Lan Xichen closes his eyes, almost brings a hand to cover his heart. He wasn't expecting to be welcomed with open arms, but he was not expecting this level of hostility either. “What do you –”
“I missed you.” Lan Xichen confesses and watches as Jiang Cheng takes a step back, surprised. “Gods, I missed you so much.” He can't help but reach out to take his hand, to make sure he is really there, so close.
He knows Jiang Cheng will not come back with him, will understand if the other man doesn't ever want to see him again after this, but he waited, hoped, to do this for so long, Lan Xichen cannot help himself.
“You disappeared. It was like you died, Jiang Cheng, I –” he closes his eyes again, when everything feels too much, “I miss you.”
“After all this time?” He hears Jiang Cheng ask, looks at him just to find Jiang Cheng's eyes filled with tears, a mirror of his own. “I never dared to hope you could –”
“Yes.” Lan Xichen answers immediately, steps closer. He doesn't dare pull him into a hug like he's been wanting to, but just this – the warmth of his body so close to Lan Xichen's – is enough. “I love you. I always did.” He lets out. “After all this time – I never stopped.”
Jiang Cheng throws his arms around Lan Xichen's shoulder and collapses against him with a soft sigh. “I missed you, too.” He confesses against Lan Xichen's neck.
All his senses are Jiang Cheng, his voice, his touch, his scent. It is overwhelming in the most perfect way, Lan Xichen never wants to let go. And he never will, he promises himself, makes a mental note to tell Jiang Cheng as much.
Now that he finally found him, he will make sure to keep him forever.