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Slowly you awoke. The push from the force field had knocked you unconscious when you tried to get to Grogu after the storm troopers had arrived on Tython. You blinked and wanted to take a moment to collect yourself but the first thing you noticed were dark troopers flying towards you and the kid, with Din’s voice screaming at you through the comlink. You groaned as you forced yourself up with no time to waste and hobbled to Grogu who was unconscious on the rock, the force field finally gone.
“Kid?” you asked, lightly touching his head but he didn’t react. With gritted teeth, since your back still hurt form the hard landing on the ground prior, you hosted him up against your chest. Din’s voice was still ringing through the comlink but with your thoughts trotting through the mush that was your brain right now you couldn’t register what he was saying.
You had no time to dwell on that anyway. You took a deep breath, trying to sort your thoughts, and were about to run down the hill but you only managed to turn around when a dark trooper landed directly in front of you. Instinctively you held up your blaster but you weren’t even able to shoot when the trooper grabbed the barrel and scrunched it together as if it was just an old, crusty leaf. You let go of the blaster immediately and jumped to the side, avoiding the trooper’s other hand grabbing at Grogu, only barely. But with your head still dizzy, your movements were too slow. So, when you tried to run, one blow was enough to hurl you to the ground once more. You gasped for air, the blunt hit forcing all of it out your lungs. You ignored your screaming lungs and instead curled around the kid, trying to protect him. But the troopers forced you up and your arms open with ease, taking him from you, ignoring your kicks and screams. Grogu’s eyes opened the moment he slipped from your fingers, staring at you in confusion as you cried in frustration and anger. You couldn’t hold the tears back as you screamed his name, trying to grab him again, trying to get away with him. One trooper hurled you away, out of reach and you landed with a thud next to one of the stone pillars, groaning as the back of your head collided with the hard ground. With your vision blurry and tinted with some black spots you barely noticed the dark troopers taking off, one of them with Grogu. You stared up at the sky, not really registering anything as your vision was still spinning. That was until the light of the sun was blocked out by a helmet.
“(Y/N)?”
You blinked, chasing away the black spots. “(Y/N), please, say something.”
You scrunched your eyes shut before slowly opening them again, your vision finally getting steadier.
“Din?” your voice broke. You stared at the sky beside his head but there was no trace left of the dark troopers or…
“They have him” you managed to get out between heavy breaths. The Mandalorian nodded stiffly, grabbing your hand as you sobbed, pressing your free hand against the bridge of your nose.
“I wasn’t able to-” you hiccupped but Din shushed you, pulling you up so you could bury your face between his chest and helmet. You clung onto him, your hands grabbing the fabric of his cloak.
“We have to get him back” you pressed out between sobs. You felt Din nod as he wrapped his arms around you to steady you.
“We will get him back, cyar'ika” Din agreed with a heavy sigh. You continued to clutch onto him and sobbed, unable to even raise one eyebrow at the foreign word. All you could think about was how you failed him.
_______________
You liked Din. You really liked him. So, maybe that’s why it hurt so much. Maybe that’s why you felt so ashamed. He trusted you to help him take care of the Child, that was your job, your purpose on the Razor Crest, to help him out in any way possible. He trusted you with him.
But you weren’t able to safe Grogu. You disappointed Din, you let Grogu down. You had been useless.
You didn’t dare to look into Din’s black visor the whole flight back to Nevarro or when you went to get Mayfeld out of his service at the Karthon Chop Fields. You didn’t dare to speak to Din. You didn’t dare to look at him. He must have been angry with you and all you wanted was to just disappear in a puddle of shame. But you had to fix your mistake, you had to get Grogu back. So, you stayed on the Slave I but you didn’t speak. You barley acknowledged anyone. You couldn’t. The only time you let Din get close to you after Tython was for him to help you with the wound on your head which now was already healed thanks to the last of the bacta that Fett luckily had on the ship. But Din stayed quiet the whole time he treated your injury so you did too. How could you start a conversation with him now? All those months on the Razor Crest where he trusted you and you disappointed him. All those months with your heart racing whenever he was near you and now you couldn’t even look at him now. Why did it hurt so much? Why did it hurt so much to know you not only let Grogu down but Din, too?
On the way to Morak, when he confronted you directly, you couldn’t avoid him any longer.
“We need to talk.”
For the first time since Grogu had been taken you looked up at him as he stood before you. You gulped and nodded, standing up from your seat and followed the Mandalorian to a more private corner of the ship without a word, your head low once more. When he stopped and turned to face you, you froze with your arms crossed before your chest, prepared for his anger, for his disappointment. However, for a few agonizing seconds no one spoke up and you just felt his stare on you, burning through your skull. You didn’t move.
“What is wrong?” he finally asked, taking one step closer which made you tense up even more. “You don’t talk to me anymore. What’s-”
You flinched at his words, turning so your side was facing him now. “You need to ask?” you shot back, pressing your eyes closed. You were about to run back to the passenger area of the ship, to escape this situation because you were unable to handle it when you felt Din’s hand underneath your chin, forcing you lightly to look at him. He just stared at you through the darkness of his visor and you just stared back. That was until you couldn’t stand the silence anymore.
“I failed you” you began, your voice wavering and faint. “I failed you and Grogu. How do you expect me to look at you, knowing that I let you down?”
“It’s not your fault” Din immediately objected, shaking his head.
“How can you say that?” you asked with furrowed brows. “How can you even stand to look at me?”
“Did you ever consider that I blame myself just as much?” That caught you off guard. You blinked up at him as you grabbed his hand that was still tilting your chin up and slowly lowered it.
“I-No” you answered truthfully. “I was the one on the hill. I was the one there. I could have done something but I was too disoriented, too slow, too-”
“It’s not your fault” Din barked again, making you jump lightly. His body was tense, the hand you were still holding stiff, before he let out a long breath and his shoulders deflated. “Maker, I almost thought I had lost you too when you laid there on the ground.”
You stared at his visor, your mouth suddenly very dry. You had no idea how to respond properly.
“I’m sorry” you whispered. Din also just stared at you for a few moments more before he shook his head and let out such a faint chuckle, you could almost mistake it for a cough to clear his throat. Then he grabbed your shoulders and pulled you against his chest. Your heart leaped into your throat, making you unable to say anything so you just let him wrap his arms around your shoulders, pressing you into him in a tight hug. Slowly you lifted your arms and wrapped them around his middle, placing your cheek on the cold beskar.
“You aren’t … angry with me?” you asked quietly. You were prepared for Din to suddenly let you go and tell you the opposite but he only tightened the hug.
“No.”
You bit your lip. “Okay.”
“Why did you think that?”
“I…” you stopped yourself and just breathed for a while, trying to sort your thoughts. “I feel responsible.”
Din didn’t respond anything to that. He knew he couldn’t change the way you felt with words so he just continued to hug you, until the only thing you could think about was how fast your heart was racing against his beskar.
_______________
You stood beside Din and watched the rhydonium transporters drive past and to the tunnel rhythmically as Mayfeld began to run down the plan. You only listened to him halfheartedly, too focused on the imperial transporters. This time the guilt you felt was replaced with hot rage, boiling inside your chest. You gritted your teeth and clenched your fists as you drilled holes into the transporters with your heated gaze. You didn’t even realize that you had tuned out everyone around you. Only when you felt a hand on your shoulder were you able to snap back into reality. Spinning your head around you looked at Din’s expressionless helmet but by his feather-light touch on your shoulder you knew he was concerned. You shook your head silently, signaling that you were okay. As okay as you could be. The Mandalorian let his hand slip from you and you concentrated on Mayfeld again.
“I’m not gonna need long inside, so once I get the coordinates, you guys gotta get me the hell out of there” he explained and locked eyes with everyone for a split second.
“You get to the roof. I’ll drop in and get you out” Fett continued. You crossed your arms before your chest and stared back down at the transporter again, still listening to Cara as she spoke up.
“Alright, Mayfeld and I will swap out for the drivers in the tunnel.”
“As much as I’d like to take a road trip with Rebel-dropper here, that’s not gonna work” Mayfeld cut in. You turned back around to face him, raising one eyebrow in question.
“Yeah? Why’s that?” the former soldier asked irritated.
“Well, because these Remnant bases are set up and run by the ex-ISB” he began to explained. “If you get scanned and your genetic signature shows up on any New Republic register, you’re gonna be detected, and it’s guns out.” He threw Cara a glance over his shoulder before looking back forward to the valley.
“You sure do know a lot about Imperial Remnants” Cara stated which made Mayfeld spin back around.
“If you wanna accuse me of something, then just say it” he spat rather aggressively.
“We don’t have time” Din interrupted him in a neutral sounding voice but with his body tensing up beside you, you knew he was annoyed. You were about to agree with him and to suggest yourself for the mission when he continued. “Fennec will go.” Your arms fell down to your sides as your gaze shot up, staring at his dark visor but it wasn’t turned towards you. You furrowed your brows either way. He wanted to send in Fennec and not you? After your talk with Din earlier you thought he reassured you that he still trusted you but why would he suggest Fennec over you then? You could fight. You were a decently good shot. You were definitely qualified for this mission.
However, before you could voice your complaints the assassin declined. “No, I’m wanted by the ISB. I’ll trip the alarm, too.” Mayfeld shrugged his shoulder in an almost defeated manner but you didn’t pay much mind to him as your eyes were still fixated on Din’s visor. The Mandalorian turned to his right where you were standing beside him but addressed Fett, almost ignoring your presence. You bit your lip to force yourself to stay quiet.
“Let’s just say they might recognize my face” the other Mandalorian also declined. Finally, Din turned to you and returned your challenging gaze, you knew without the need of seeing his eyes. He didn’t speak up.
“I’m going” you declared, ending the staring contest with Din and locking eyes with Mayfeld. He almost nodded in agreement but froze when Mando spoke up sharply. “No.”
Your gaze shot back to him and you crossed your arms before your chest. “Why?” you asked, tilting your chin upwards in a challenging manner. “I won’t cause any problems if I get scanned.”
“No!” he repeated, stepping forward to meet your angry eyes with the void of his visor. Determined you stayed were you stood, unmoving and not about to back down.
“He’s not going in there alone. I’m our only option” you growled.
‘I’m Grogu’s only option’ you added silently, unable to say it out loud.
“She’s right, Mando” Mayfeld threw in, making the Mandalorian turn to face him.
“No, I’ll go.” Your mouth fell almost open but you forced it to stay close. You trusted Din, he didn’t just throw sentences out if he didn’t mean what he said. You crossed your arms before your chest and waited for his explanation.
“Hey, buddy, I might be good at fast-talking but I don’t think I can explain a guy in a Mando suit to Imperial guards” Mayfeld told him laxly. “So, unless you’re gonna take off that helmet, (Y/N)’s your only option.”
You stepped forward, touching Din’s arm lightly, making him turn his head to you once more.
“Do you trust me?” you asked almost quietly, eyebrows still furrowed in lack of understanding.
“Of course, do I trust you” he answered without hesitation.
“But you won’t let me go in there?”
“No.” Your eyes hardened.
“You’re so stubborn for no reason!” you complained, unable to gold back your irritation. “You won’t let me go but you would have let Cara?”
“Yes.” You let out a low growl.
“I’m going, you can’t stop me.” The Mandalorian stared back down the valley, adjusting something on his helmet before speaking up again.
“I’ll go with you” he declared, not leaving room for any further discussions. Then he turned to face you for a second, nodding faintly, before completely turning around to meet Mayfeld’s face. “But I won’t show my face.”
_______________
Somehow the discussion really ended with that and the plan was changed so you, Mayfeld and Din would go into the base. You huffed as you waited beside Cara for the last transporter to drive towards the tunnel. Muttering under your breath every now and then, you avoided Din’s gaze which you felt hot on your body. You knew he had thought he had almost lost you too back on Tython and that he probably was just paranoid something might happen to you but you weren’t helpless. You could use a blaster and you were a good fighter, too. And you wanted to do everything in your power to get Grogu back. It was your mistake to fix even if Din had tried to reassure you it wasn’t your fault. You wouldn’t stay angry at the Mandalorian for long, you understood his reasoning but that didn’t mean you had to accept his overprotective behavior over you right now. If you and Din fought -which was already a rare occurrence- it never lasted long, and this wasn’t really a fight you were just irritated by him. You wouldn’t be mad for much longer. After all, you cared too much for him to let some discussion come between you two. Din and you had to work together to get Grogu back. Right now you two were just on edge.
When the last rhydonium transporter finally arrived you let out the breath you didn’t know you were holding. Letting your muscles relax you prepared yourself and then jump onto it with the others, ducking down immediately to not hit the lower ceiling of the tunnel entrance. Cara instantly began to move forward while you and the two men followed her slowly. When Din let himself fall behind a bit you instinctively followed his lead, knowing he wanted to talk.
“I’m sorry, I upset you” Din spoke, desperately trying to sound neutral but the slight waver of his voice gave the truth away. You bit your tongue, sternly looking forward before letting out a sigh and shaking your head.
“It’s alright” you answered. “I understand your reasoning.” You glanced at him from the corner of your eyes. He nodded.
“I know you don’t need me looking out for you but after Grogu-” he didn’t finish but you knew what he meant. He didn’t have to repeat himself.
“I understand” you said as a sly grin found its way on your lips. Fully facing Mando you continued: “But I wanted to go because you need me looking out for you.” The Mandalorian let out a distorted huff through his helmet that could almost be mistaken for a laugh. You grinned at him for a few seconds more, glad to have lightened the mood a little. But when the transporter finally came to a halt you shook your head, cleared your thoughts and jumped off of it.
Cara opened the door to the cockpit and dragged the three unconscious Imperial soldiers out, already stripped of their armor, when you and Din arrived at the front. She threw one set to the Mandalorian who disappeared behind a pillar to change while Cara gave the other two to you and Mayfeld. You wrinkled your nose in disgust when you smelled the sweat on them but continued to put the slightly too big armor on anyway over your clothes. You wouldn’t back down from the mission now because of a bit of sweat. Mayfeld however couldn’t keep his complains to himself as he also started to put his armor on.
“My God, this guy reeked. His gloves are still wet” he growled.
“Suddenly you have really high demands for someone who used to work for them” you said, almost sounding bored, as you put the last piece of armor on. Mayfeld only shot you an annoyed glance before his attention shifted to something behind you. You turned to see Din walking back to the three of you. And once again Mayfeld couldn’t hold back his comments.
“Look at this. The shame” he said theatrically sad. “Now, that right there is worth the price of admission.” You were now the one to shoot him an annoyed glance over your shoulder before your attention went back to Din who came to a halt in front of you and Cara, who was standing beside you.
“Wish I could say it looked good on you, but I’d be lying” Cara said, miserably failing to hold back a short laugh. Though you couldn’t hold back an amused snort either which earned you a displeased head tilt from Din. You shrugged your shoulders and looked at him with soft, apologetic eyes.
“Just make sure you take out the rooftop gunners, or we’re never getting out of here” Mando said, ignoring Cara’s comment otherwise.
“We got you” she responded seriously and nodded. Then Din took a few steps closer to Cara and gave her the bag with his Mandalorian armor. “Take care of this. Keep it safe.” He let Cara take the bag without hesitation, his voice deadly serious. You wondered how hard it must be for him to let someone else handle his beskar, after all his armor was a part of his creed, too.
“I will.”
“Hey, guys. Still on the clock” Mayfeld urged. Din began to walk around the transporter to get in though the other side. You hesitated, throwing one last glance at Cara, a mixture between giving and seeking reassurance as Mayfeld continued to speak but you ignored him. She nodded, the faintest smile on her lips. You retorted her gesture before running after Din, who was already inside the vehicle but held out a hand to you. You put on the helmet that had been tucked under your arm, before reaching for his hand. He hoisted you up effortlessly and closed the door. After that he sat down in the copilot seat and you in the one in the back of the cockpit beside the ladder leading up. Crossing your arms before your chest you just wanted to find strength in the silence but unfortunate for you Mayfeld didn’t shut up. Only after he managed to get the transporter to drive again did he stop talking for a while. However, the silence you had wanted didn’t have a soothing effect on your mind. Instead, you felt your body stiff up even more as the tension grew. The disgusting armor of the Imperial soldier you were wearing didn’t do anything for your mind either. You wondered how Din must have felt. Though unlike Mayfeld you didn’t dare to ask.
“Hey, how’s it feel?” Mayfeld’s voice suddenly cut through the silence and you realize you must have spaced out a bit. “I mean, c'mon man, you still get to wear a helmet, right?”
You rolled your eyes even though it wasn’t visible through the dark visor of your helmet.
“Alright, you know what? I’m takin’ this thing off” he continued and let his words follow suit. “I can’t see.”
You didn’t move, letting the helmet stay on your head even though you really dislike it but you also didn’t want to have to show your face around on Imperial ground too much if it wasn’t necessary. And you wanted to support Din in any way possible, so the helmet stayed on.
“I don’t know how you people wear those things” he carried on, leaning and turning his head to face Mando who was still sitting unmovingly in the chair. “And by ’you people’ I do mean Mandalorians.”
“Will you just shut up, man” you hissed and let your head fall against the wall in annoyance. Maybe silence really was better.
“Feels better when it’s off” Mayfeld spoke up again after you had left the tunnel. You straightened up with a groan, watching Din tilt his head very slowly to look at the grinning Mayfeld. You could almost feel the heat of his death stare through the visor. After that Mayfeld stayed quiet for a bit again. You looked out the window to see some old, exploded rhydonium transporter which made you shiver as you remembered that you were practically sitting on a ticking time bomb. When a voice came through the radio you jumped a little but relaxed when you realized they were warning another transporter about their rhydonium getting too hot and not the one you were sitting in.
“Don’t worry about the rhydonium” Din said, though it was directed at Mayfeld. “As long as you drive steady, you’ll get us to the refinery.”
“Reassuring” you mumbled which made Din turn to throw you a glance over his shoulder. You shrugged your shoulders, slyly smiling underneath the helmet even though you weren’t sure if Din could tell.
Shortly after that you three approached a small village, divided by the road that led further to the Imperial base. Mayfeld honked to warn the people and slowed down even more. You skidded to the edge of the small chair to look out of the windows, your heart clenched when you saw children sitting near the road.
“Yeah. Empire, New Republic. It’s all the same to these people. Invaders on their lands is all we are” Mayfeld said and sped up again after leaving the village behind. You were both relieved and felt guilty for leaving them behind even though you doubted you could really do anything to help them right now.
“I’m just sayin’ somewhere someone in this galaxy is ruling and others are being ruled” he continued, glancing between Din and the road. You slid back against the cold metal wall and just listened, not sure what you could have said anyway.
“I mean, look at your race. Do you think all those people that died in wars fought by Mandalorians actually had a choice?” he asked, turning to face Din. You tensed up and furrowed your brows, confused about what Mayfeld was trying to gain by all that blabbering.
“So, how are they any different than the Empire? Look, if you were born on Mandalore you believe on thing, if your born on Alderaan you believe somethin’ else” he stated, pausing a moment before turning to face Din once more. “But guess what? Neither one of 'em exists anymore.”
Din’s head turned to Mayfeld, staring at him threw his visor just like you did. You were shocked. That was just insensitive at this point.
“Hey, I’m just a realist” he defended his poor choice of words. “I’m a survivor just like you.” Mayfeld briefly turned around to let his eyes drift over your form. “Don’t know about you, though, princess.”
You narrowed your eyes at the nickname and tilted your head, about to open your mouth to give him a piece of your mind but to your surprise you heard Din speak up, even though you had suspected him to endure Mayfeld’s jabbering in silence.
“Let’s get one thing straight: You and we are nothing alike” he stated in a neutral tone but you knew he was annoyed, possibly even angry by the way he pressed the words out short and tight.
“I don’t know. Seems to me like your rules start to change when you get desperate” Mayfeld carried on. You grabbed the edge of your seat, waiting patiently to hear what he wanted to get of his chest. All his blabbering must have led to this.
“You said you couldn’t take your helmet off, and now you got a stormtrooper one on, so what’s the rule?” he asked, pointing one arm at Din in question.
“Is it that you can’t take off your Mando helmet, or you can’t show your face? 'Cause there is a difference.”
“Why does that even concern you?” you asked very noticeably irritated by him and crossed your arms before your chest. But you would be lying if you didn’t also say that you were intrigued of what Mayfeld wanted to accomplish.
“Look, I’m just saying, we’re all the same” he avoided to answer your question directly. “Everybody’s got their lines they don’t cross until things get messy. As far as I’m concerned, if you can make it through your day and still sleep at night, you’re doin’ better than most.” His voice was suddenly very low and serious, not provocative like before. It made you wonder if, no, you felt like he had a point. How far would you go to get Grogu back? To protect and help Din when he needed you to? “Till the very end” you answered yourself silently.
Then your head snapped back up to the control panel as a new voice spoke up, but not directed to you.
“Control, this is Juggernaut Three. We’re comin’ up on some route interference” the man’s voice said. “Control! Control! We need a new…” the voice was cut off with a scream, making you jump in your seat. You wanted to ask what that was but Mayfeld got ahead of you.
“Please stand by for reroute” a now female voice was audible through the radio on the control panel. Your eyes darted between Din and Mayfeld but they both just stared down at the radio. Suddenly something exploded in the not so far distance. Your head whipped up to stare at the fire ball stretching out to the sky. You gulped, the helmet on your head suddenly felt very restricting.
“Juggernaut Four had been destroyed” the female voice spoke up once more.
“Destroyed?” Mayfeld questioned, his voice high and shrill, giving away his hysteria.
“The rhydonium is still stable” Din only said, keeping a level head while your heart began to race in fear.
“Juggernaut Five, maintain speed and course. Proceed with caution” the woman declared. “Re-routing course, stand by.” You were barely able to understand the last part because Mayfeld spoke over her announcement, clearly a bit panicked. You didn’t hold it against him, you could feel the panic rise in your chest as well.
“Control, this is Juggernaut Three. Requesting… Abort! Abort!” the man was cut off by another scream, the explosion following only a few seconds behind. This time it was so close that you were able to see the burning wrack only moments later. You let out a sharp breath as Mayfeld sped up and drove around it. Then suddenly a sound from outside made all three of you turn your heads to the right.
“What the hell was that?” Mayfeld asked worried. Din’s head was the first to snap to the camera screen on the control panel.
“Pirates” he stated which made you jump up from the seat to also take a look at the screen. He was right of course. “Keep driving. I’ll take care of it.”
He stood up and opened the door on his side of the vehicle, immediately aiming and shooting at the pirates. Instinctively you grabbed your own blaster that was attached to your hip. The wide and panicked eyes of Mayfeld didn’t stay unnoticed by you while you tried to think about what you should do.
“Are you seriously shooting a blaster near rhydonium?” Din ignored him and so did you.
“They’ve thermal detonators” Din stated and stepped back into the cockpit. You locked eyes with him behind his helmet and nodded faintly.
“On it.” You climbed up the short ladder and opened the hatch while Mayfeld continued to complain.
“Just keep it steady” Din ordered but you could hear the stress in his voice. When you finally managed to open the hatch, you climbed the last part up. Positioning yourself on top of the transporter you were just able to shoot the pirate of the vehicle before he could place the detonator on the rhydonium. The detonator exploded, making the vehicle shake violently and destroyed the pirate ship but at least the rhydonium didn’t explode. You fell to your knees and clawed at the metal to not get thrown off.
“They’re trying to blow the rhydonium” you could hear Din say behind you, he must have followed you up. You could also hear a more quiet, sarcastic “You think?” and a loud, sincere and hysterical “You should have left me in prison!” from Mayfeld. You probably would have laughed if your heart wasn’t still pounding against your ribs in panic.
You felt a hand on your shoulder and looked up to see Din kneeling next to you. “Good shot.” You grinned and let out a shaky breath, tilting your head to the side you asked: “Glad you let me go with you?”
Straightening up a bit to get back down into the cockpit you froze when you saw more pirates had approached through the fog and were now jumping onto the vehicle. You and Din were on your feet in an instant, firing side by side. Only for Din’s blaster to stop functioning after one shot, but at least it hit one of them. He threw the blaster at the pirates before running at them, switching to hand-to-hand compact without much given choice. You continued to fire at them but with the moving vehicle and Din in the way you didn’t really have the confidence to not maybe hit him. The stormtrooper armor he was wearing wasn’t as forgiving as his normal one if you missed the pirates and would hit Din instead.
One of the pirates’ ships sped up to fly beside you. You directed the blaster to them but weren’t fast enough to aim properly. One jumped at you, making you fall on your back and letting go of the blaster that fell of the transporter. You cursed. The pirate was much heavier than you, impossible to throw off in your panicked state especially with that awful armor that hindered movement. How could people fight with these? You blocked the hit of his staff, grabbing it with both your arms and yanked before twisting it out of his grip. But before you could counter hit, he was pushed off of you by another pirate crashing into him. They both fell down the front of the vehicle. You held your upper body up with the staff you still had and looked at Din. You two held eye contact through the dark visors for a few heartbeats before you huffed and sat up. His body was turned to you for a split second too long and you were too distracted to warn him. Another pirate charged at Din, ripping away his shoulder piece armor and making Din spin around but unable to counter as another stab hit him in the same shoulder. You jumped up to help him, throwing the staff and luckily hitting the pirate’s shoulder. He was disoriented enough for Din to grab him and roll him over his shoulder, throwing him over the vehicle. You wanted to grab the staff you had stolen from one of the pirates to attack the last remaining one who stood at the very end, trying to open one of the containers, but it must have fallen off. Panicked you did the next best thing you could think of right now. You took off your helmet, ran past Din and threw it at the last pirate on the transporter as hard as you could. He also stumbled and fell off before he could place the detonator. You let out a relieved sigh that didn’t last long since there were still other pirates approaching fast.
“Mayfeld! Pick it up. Drive faster!” Din commanded. You had no time to prepare as Mayfeld sped up, making you stumble forward a bit. With your heart beating a thousand light-years fast you tried to find your footing again. Only for Mayfeld to suddenly slow down again when you did, making you stumble once more.
“What are you doing?” Din yelled behind you but you were unable to hear Mayfeld’s respond since you were standing at almost the very end of the vehicle. However, now that you were slowing down again, the last two pirate ships were able to catch up. Another six pirates jumped on. You could only kick one off, the others were able to jump on. Three ran past you to deal with Din, one stayed at the very end to try and open one of the containers to the rhydonium, the last one was standing directly in front of you. You raised your arms before your chest defensively, ready to deflect the hit you saw coming. Only for the vehicle to drive over a bump. You stumbled, your arms flailing uselessly to try and find your balance again. You were unable to block the staff that was still coming your way, a bit aimlessly but it hit the side of your head anyway. You gasped and groaned in pain as your head wiped to the side. Maybe it hadn’t been the greatest idea to throw your helmet away but you didn’t really have another option at that moment. You had no time to recover and instead let yourself drop to the floor so at least the next swing of the pirate hit nothing. Then, with your vision still kind of blurry, you wrapped your legs around the pirate’s and made him trip and fall over. You stood up immediately after that and kicked the pirate against his head, trying to disorient him, before grabbing his staff and trying to yank it out of his grip like you did with the other one earlier. But he didn’t let go and instead jumped up himself, pinning you down beneath him on the floor. With no time to think you just fell back on acting on instincts. You grabbed the staff once more, twisting it until he would have to let go of it but instead, he just threw it away so you wouldn’t end up being the one with the weapon. But luckily for you, you didn’t need them necessarily. You pulled your arms flat to your sides before rapidly bringing them out again, pushing against the pirate’s arms, making his upper body fall down. In the same moment, before he could brace and catch himself, did you push yourself off the ground as if you would be doing a backflip. The pirate fell forward and off the ledge as well as you. You reached out, only barely able to catch yourself on the edge of the vehicle. With your blood rushing through your veins, buzzing in your ears you desperately held on until your feet found something to push yourself up. With a groan you heaved yourself back onto the transporter, rolling onto your back. You huffed and touched the side of your head that was pulsing with pain. You felt something wet. You recoiled your hand to see your fingers coated in blood. Great.
“(Y/N)!” Din’s voice made you turn to him. He was pinned down by two pirates, threateningly close to the edge. You stood up and wanted to run to him but he just reached out and pointed behind you. “Detonator!”
You halted and spun around, remembering the last pirate. He had opened one of the hatches and was now jumping back onto his ship. With your eyes wide you stumbled forward, adrenaline pumping through your veins. When you reached the opening the detonator was already beeping dangerously fast. You grabbed it, stood up and leaned back before taking two quick steps forward and throwing it as hard as you could, hoping it would fly far enough. But the detonator exploded mere seconds after it left your hand. You felt the heat on your face before you realized that you were thrown back against Din who stood a few feet behind you and instinctively wrapped his arms around you. You landed not very gracefully on your back on top of him, pain immediately shot through your spine, leaving you gasping for air.
With your head spinning and ears ringing you just laid there for a while, groaning in discomfort and swearing to never insist on going on a mission every again. You wanted to stand up but everything was dark around you. You wanted to open your eyes, which you surely must have closed tightly during the forceful push back, only to realize that they were still wide open. The ringing in your ears was deafening when that realization hit you. You panicked, your throat closing tightly and your head spinning even more. You didn’t even notice Din trying to move under you.
He pushed you up a bit so he could sit up, letting you fall back against his chest. He asked if you were alright but you didn’t hear him. You didn’t hear the tumbling of the vehicle or the screams of the pirates. All you heard was the ringing of the explosion in your ears. You could still feel the heat of it on your uncovered face. You-
“(Y/N)!” Din shook you forcefully by your shoulder, snapping you back into reality. He was now kneeling next to you, making you aware that you neither realize he had moved again nor that he had gently laid you on your back. “(Y/N)!” he called out once more since you didn’t react, the panic in his voice very noticable. You were sure he was leaning over you, tilting his head in concern but you couldn’t … see him. You reached out to him and found his arm, clutching onto him like he was a life line, the only thing keeping you from drowning in the panic inside you that rose higher and higher in your chest. The ringing in your ears slowly faded away.
“I can’t see!” you gasped, finally able to find the words. “I can’t see, Din. I can’t see!” You sucked in short, panicked breaths as Din pulled you towards him so you could feel him and lean against him, so you could know he was there and you weren’t alone in the darkness.
“Calm down, cyar'ika” he said, trying desperately to sound cool and collected. You wanted to scream, ask him how you were supposed to but you couldn’t. Your throat closed up again. You felt the tears stream down your face but they did nothing to chase away the heat on your skin.
Over the noise of your violently beating heart, you heard Mayfeld yell up to the two of you. Something about needing to slow down but you were unable to wrap your mind around why.
“Din?” you asked, not sure what answer you wanted but he seemed to know.
“I’m here, ner kar’ta.”
You sucked in one long breath in a desperate attempt to keep it together as you felt the transporter slow down beneath you. Din pulled you up with his arms underneath your armpits. Trusting in him you let him half carry, half lead you to the front of the vehicle. Still clutching onto his arm, though. He lowered you down, only letting go of you when you found the floor and nodded at him reassuringly.
“Mayfeld, lead her to the seat!” Din yelled down.
“Why?” he asked but you heard him turn around anyway. He sucked in a breath, understanding why when he saw your eyes starring through him, unfocused. You reached one hand out which he grabbed before he pulled you forward and into the copilot seat. With your limps shaking you let yourself fall into it, your heart still racing and your hands unsteady. You clenched them to fists and tried to take deep breaths. You had to focus, keep it together.
The next thing you knew was that you heard TIE-Fighters fire above you and Mayfeld screaming in happiness. You jumped in surprise, clutching your heart that had sped up again. Then you heard someone jump down from the hatch behind you, making you spin around in fear.
“It’s me, cyare” Din pressed out in between clenched teeth, placing one hand on your shoulder. You relaxed a bit.
“Never thought you’d be happy to see stormtroopers” Mayfeld said, sounding more than relieved. You would have let out an amused huff if you weren’t so focused on your missing sight. You knew this sometimes happened when looking at something very bright like an explosion up close or if some of the small scraps landed in someone’s eyes. Temporary blindness or something like that. But in your panicked mind you just focused on 'not being able to see’. And it made your head spin and your heart sped up again. Din must have felt your rising panic as he squeezed your shoulder reassuringly.
The vehicle slowed down more until it finally came to a halt in what you presumed was the Imperial base. Unsure what to do you stayed seated. You had no idea how you were able to assist in this mission anymore. Din grabbed your hand before you could worry more and pulled you up. The light squeeze didn’t stay unnoticed by you.
“Sit down” he whispered barely loud enough for you to hear through the cheers of the soldiers. With shaking hands you reached out for the floor, dropping to your knees. Din didn’t let go of you until you were sitting on the ledge of the cockpit with your legs dangling over. You could feel him walk past you and jump down and you immediately felt scared again when you noticed that you couldn’t tell where he was anymore. You flinched when someone touched your knees, about to recoil back into the cockpit when you realized it was Din.
“You alright?” You froced yourself to nod. Din slowly grabbed you by the hips as you let yourself carefully slip over the edge, his hands steadied you as you jumped into the void. He didn’t let go even when you found solid ground under your feet and you realized the reason for that was probably because you were shaking like a leaf in a storm.
“Hold on” he said and directed your hands to his right arm. You let him do that, relieved to gain some sort of sense of direction and comfort.
“Okay. All we gotta do is find a terminal” Mayfeld said, making you jump slightly. Din didn’t answer but began to move, you followed suit, pressing into his side.
“What is happening?” you whispered as you three wormed your way through the mass of soldiers.
“They’re … celebrating us” Din answered reluctantly.
“Ugh” you only retorted to that, tightening your grip on Din’s arm as he led you further into crowd. The contact made you not as anxious when someone bumped into you or patted your back in gratitude.
“It’s probably in the officers’ mess” Mayfeld said. It sounded like he was somewhere in front of you. You jumped when someone grabbed your shoulder, cheering loudly beside you. It made you recoil even more into Din’s side who reassuringly patted your arm with his free hand before suddenly stopping. You must have reached the officers’ mess.
“There it is” Mayfeld mumbled, standing before you and Mando. You only nodded, unable to from any words while Din wished him good luck.
You couldn’t tell if Mayfeld had moved, his footsteps drowned in the ones all around you, making it impossible to filter his out. But when Din spoke up again, this time only directed at you, you suspect Mayfeld had really gone to the terminal already.
“Are you okay?”
This time you shook your head.
“I’m on enemy territory and blind!” you hissed quietly, turning your head to were you thought Din’s must be. You blinked at him unseeingly. The tightness in your chest returned, leaving you breathless. You tried to fight against it, to not lose control. You had to keep a level head at least until you three were out of there. But this was possibly the worst situation to be blind in right now.
“I think I’m going to be sick” you mumbled more to yourself but Din picked it up anyway. He turned around so he could stand in front of you which made you let go of his arm. Immediately you panicked and reached out for him, your trembling fingers finding the coldness of his chest plate. Even though you knew he wouldn’t leave you alone you only relaxed when you felt his chest pressed beneath your hands which slowly stopped shaking. Then you felt his hand on the injured side on your face, cupping your cheek.
“We’re going to be out of here soon.”
You leaned into his touch, seeking its calming effect, and nodded, hoping he was right. Soon couldn’t come fast enough for you right now. You let out a soft sigh, closing your eyes and tried to control your fast beating heart. Din’s touch, even through the gloves, sent warmth to you. A warmth so different to the heat of the explosion, a warmth that made your muscles slowly relax.
Suddenly you could hear Mayfeld speak up beside you, making you flinch and Din’s hand fell down. Your eyes snapped back open and your head instinctively turned to face him. But all you saw was still just darkness.
“I can’t go in there” he pressed out between clenched teeth, sounding distressed. You felt Mando turn to him underneath your hands that were still on his chest.
“Why not?” he asked in a hushed tone.
“That’s Valin Hess” Mayfeld only said as if it would explain anything to you and Din.
“Who?” you questioned lowly, furrowing your brows.
“It’s Valin Hess” he repeated. “I used to serve under him.”
You cursed under your breath. Apparently 'soon being out of there’ wouldn’t be so soon after all.
“Will he recognize you?” Din pressed, the distress in his voice very noticeable for you.
“I don’t know. I was just a field operative but I’m not takin’ the chance. It’s over” Mayfeld mumbled, his voice sounding a tat bit further away than before and you wondered if he tried to walk away.
“Let’s just do this quick and we can get out of here” Mando ordered. By the way he moved beneath your hands you suspected he stopped Mayfeld from leaving.
“I can’t do it, okay?” he denied. “We have to abort. I’m sorry.”
“No, I can’t” Din blocked, his voice sounding desperate. “If we don’t get those coordinates, I’ll… we’ll lose the kid forever.”
Even without your sight you somehow felt his gaze on you. And it hurt you that all you could retort to that was blink unseeingly and unsurely into his vague direction. “Give me the data stick” Din continued.
“It’s not gonna work” Mayfeld hissed lowly. “In order to access the network, the terminal has to scan your face.”
You gulped, directing your gaze to Din before you shook your head lightly and let go of him with one hand (the other one still tightly pressed against his chest) to face Mayfeld or where you suspected him to be standing.
“We’ve come so far, we can’t back down now” you threw in. “Where is the terminal? Maybe I can find it.”
Mayfeld only huffed.
“No offense, but a blind soldier with blood still on her face would be far too noticeable.”
“I have to try!” you pressed, opening your hand in a way to ask for the data stick.
“You won’t be able to see what you are supposed to do!” Mayfeld blocked. You closed your hand again, already knowing that he was right but refusing to back down. You bit your lower lip in frustration, angry at yourself for being useless once more.
“Let’s go” Mayfeld ordered.
“Give it to me” Din suddenly said and before you knew it, he walked past you, leaving you alone in the void. Instinctively your eyes widen in horror, afraid of being alone when you felt a hand on your arm.
“It’s alright, I’m still here” Mayfeld said lowly and directed your hand to his right shoulder so you could follow him. He walked to a wall, you felt it with your other hand that was outstretched before you. You suspected that he had led you to the side of the entrance to the officers’ mess so you would be more out of sight.
“What is he doing?” you asked Mayfeld after a while. He was uncharacteristically quiet for your liking, it made you nervous. But what made you even more nervous what not seeing or knowing what Din was doing. He might be able to take care of himself most of the time but he had a tendency to find trouble anway (or the other way around), and that didn’t hinder you from worrying.
“He’s … taking of his helmet.”
“What?!” you hissed, desperately trying to not be too loud. Mayfeld didn’t move or say anything else but from your inner eye you could see him nod, even though you were unable to see it in reality. Your heart sped up. You didn’t know what to think.
“Shit” Mayfeld suddenly cursed, making you stiffen up.
“What is it?” you asked, the concern in your voice probably as noticeable as it was visible on your face. Mayfeld didn’t answer you once more and instead you felt him move forward. You followed him into the hall with not much choice left.
“My TK number is…” you heard Din somewhere in front of you, sounding rather distressed and undistorted without his helmet. Your eyes grew wide in shock. He had really taken it off around all these people. And even though he sounded rather unsure and helpless right now you could picture that voice fitting his normally so confident and stoic manner. The few words you heard him speak in that deep voice were enough to send shivers down your spine before it was replaced with guilt.
“This is my Commanding Officer TK-593, sir” Mayfeld said, coming to a halt. Disoriented you walked into him and flinched back very noticeable.
“I’m Imperial Combat Assault Transport Lieutenant TK-111, sir” Mayfeld continued without missing a beat. You felt him move slightly towards you, probably to introduce you to the officer standing before you. “And this is Junior Officer in training TK-856, Officer Hess, sir.”
You tensed up by that revelation and immediately nodded modestly in the direction you suspected Valin Hess to be standing. This wasn’t going like you had planned at all.
“I’m afraid you’ll have to speak up to him a little bit since his vessel lost pressure in Taanab” Mayfeld continued, addressing Valin Hess fully again. You gulped, wishing to have Din by your side right now, wishing you could at least know where exactly he was standing. You wanted to make sure if he was alright, still not able to wrap your mind around the fact that he was standing without his helmet somewhere next to Mayfeld.
“What’s your name, Officer?” an unknown voice you now assigned to Valin Hess asked rather obnoxiously. You had to gather all your will power not to flinch back. You didn’t react otherwise, knowing that he was still addressing the silent and probably frozen in place Din. You couldn’t blame him. You could only imagine what chaos must be raging in him right now.
“We just call him Brown Eyes. Isn’t that right, Officer?” Mayfeld took over for the Mandalorian. You froze. If there had been any doubt left in you that maybe Din hadn’t taken off his helmet it vanished now. “Brown Eyes?” you whispered too quietly for any of the men to pick up. Din had brown eyes. Your mind was suddenly blank, you didn’t really register that Mayfeld began to move to the exit again, you just tagged along, tightening your grip on his shoulder. Then Mayfeld suddenly stopped and turned around to face Hess again, you stumbled slightly but were steadied by someone by your other side. You almost jumped but realized that it must be Din. Your head snapped up to where his face must have been, his uncovered face, with wide eyes. You were as grateful to be blind right now as you were selfishly disappointed. He had brown eyes…
“What’s the matter with you?” Valin Hess spoke up again.
You directed your head back forward, even though you were afraid of disrespecting him if you didn’t look into his eyes. But you guessed not turning to him at all would be even worse. “Junior officer?”
Abruptly you realized that he was addressing you. You opened your mouth that felt rather dry all of a sudden.
“I, ehm” you began, panic rising in your core. “I was blinded by one of the terminal detonators exploding, sir.” Somehow you managed to press the sentence out without stammering.
“You the tank troopers that delivered the shipment of rhydonium?” Hess questioned.
“Yes, sir” Mayfeld immediately answered, you and Din copied him. You could hear the discomfort in Din’s voice but you would be lying if you didn’t say that your voice wasn’t wavering, too.
“Well, you three managed to be the only transport today to deliver their shipment” Hess continued. “Come with me? Let’s have a drink, Brown Eyes.” You gulped, not really excited to share a drink with the enemy but with no other option you followed Mayfeld as he led you to a table. You let yourself fall into the chair he directed you to, relieved to sit down so your shaking limps wouldn’t be as noticeable anymore but unable to relax as you realized that Hess was sitting to your right. You lowered your head and pressed your fingernails into your legs in a desperate attempt to ground yourself, now that you didn’t have anyone to hold onto, now that you had to manage on your own. Your breath got shallow almost immediately. You didn’t listen, hoping that Hess wouldn’t address you again because you would be unable to respond in your current state. Your thoughts seemed to trudge through a thick fog, slowing them down while your heart raced, hammering against your ribs painfully fast. You jumped when you felt a foot nudge against your shoes. Your head snapped up. Your surroundings still dark but at least you could hear clearer now as your mind sorted itself. You heard Mayfeld’s voice to your left, making Din the one sitting opposite to you and the one to nudge your legs. You nodded faintly in thanks, grateful for his subtle touch but also guilty for not being able to do anything for him. You couldn’t even imagine how he must have felt like in that moment.
“So, what shall we toast to?” Hess spoke up after you had all received your drinks. You didn’t even bother trying to find it on the table, leaving your hands on your legs.
“I can blather about 'To health’ or 'To success’ but I’d like to do somethin’ a little less rote.” You felt Din retreat his foot a bit. You guessed because Hess had turned to face him. His next words confirmed your suspicion.
“Where are you from, Brown Eyes?”
You tensed as well as Din, you felt it by the way his foot didn’t recoil completely but stayed frozen in place. You wanted to say something, help Din somehow but no words left your lips. Luckily Mayfeld spoke up, not letting the silence linger for too long: “How 'bout a toast to Operation Cinder?”
“Now there’s a man who knows his history” Valin Hess said, sounding rather proud and pleased. You let out a shaky breath in relieve, your shoulders slowly relaxed a bit.
“No, I don’t just know it, I lived it” Mayfeld countered. You immediately tensed up again after hearing the aggressive undertone in his voice, every concern back in your mind. That didn’t sound good. If you could you would have run out by now but instead you were trapped in a base full of enemies without sight, unable to even leave the room on your own. You had to stay seated on that chair as the tension in the air grew with every second ticking by.
“I was in Burnin Konn” Mayfeld continued.
“Burnin Konn?” Hess repeated, sounding thoughtful and surprised. “That was a hard day. I had to make many unpleasant decisions.”
“Yes, you did” Mayfeld agreed. You had to visibly hold yourself back now, stemming your legs to the ground and your hands against your thighs with gritted teeth to suppress your shaking.
“Entire city gone in moments, along with everybody in it” Mayfeld carried on, his voice deadly serious. Normally you wouldn’t have had anything against throwing the horrible things someone like Hess had done at his head but now wasn’t the time for that. Especially when you were unarmed and unable to fight or even flee on your own.
“We lost our whole division that day. Man, that was like five … ten thousand people.”
“Yep” Hess responded. “all heroes to the Empire.”
“Yeah, and all dead” Mayfeld countered.
Your head snapped to him, you wish you could see if he was looking at you or not. You just hoped he noticed your wide, horrified eyes staring at him, begging him to stop, to let it slide. Even though you knew someone like Valin Hess deserve to hear how terrible he was. Bhis was useless and absolutely dangerous.
“Well, it’s a small sacrifice for the greater good, son” Hess said, slowly getting annoyed.
“Depends on who you ask, don’t you think?”
You wanted to hiss at Mayfeld but you couldn’t, no sound left your still clenched shut mouth. The nails of your fingers slowly dug deeper into the palms of your hands as you straightened your head, staring at Din again. He was quiet, probably as horrified as you, or at least you hoped you weren’t the only one feeling like the situation was about to get out of hand.
“What you gettin’ at, trooper?” Hess asked in a low, calculated tone that made you shiver in discomfort. At that point you really wished you had listened to Din and stayed with Cara and Fennec.
“All those people, the ones who died, was it good for them? Their families? The guys I served with?” Mayfeld pressed, his voice almost emotionless. “Civilians, those poor mud suffers, died defendin’ their homes, fighting for freedom. Was it good for 'em?”
“But we’ve outlasted them, son. They’re eatin’ themselves alive” Hess said and you could hear the grin on his face. You grew more nauseous with very passing second you were trapped in that room.
“The New Republic is in complete disarray, and we grow stronger. You see, with the rhydonium you’ve delivered, we can create havoc that’s gonna make Burnin Konn just pale in comparison. And then they’re gonna turn to us once again.”
At that instant you really wished you had let the pirates blow the rhydonium up.
“You see, everybody thinks they want freedom.” Hess’ voice suddenly sounded closer, as if he had leaned forward and you instinctively turned your face slightly away, not wanting to face him even if you were blind right now. “But what they really want is order.”
Your blood ran cold and you had to really hold back a gasp of surprise and utter disgust, biting your tongue, almost drawing blood.
“And when they realize that, they’re gonna welcome us back with open arms.”
The silence echoed in your ears, worse than the explosion earlier, it made you almost paranoid. But it was a million times better than the “To the Empire” Valin Hess let out after that, probably raising his drink. The next few seconds of silence felt like an eternity in which you were frozen in place, seeking some kind of sign from Din but he didn’t react, didn’t speak, didn’t move.
Then the sudden shrill cry of a blaster cut through the silence, the heat of it sizzling from Mayfeld past your face towards Hess, making you jump in your seat. Your heart missed a few beats before hammering relentlessly against your ribcage in sheer panic. Then it was silent for a few agonizingly long seconds more, the tension rising with every heartbeat. The moment you heard the next shots getting off around you, you immediately let yourself drop to the floor, not challenging your luck any further today. It didn’t take long though for the silence to regain control once more. Your breathing was livid as you realized that you had no clue if Din and Mayfeld had been the ones shooting or … getting shot.
Pressing your hands over your mouth you stifled any loud that would have spilled over your lips otherwise. However, the tears forming in the corners of your eyes you weren’t able to suppress. You didn’t dare to speak up. You felt useless. What were you supposed to do if they were dead?
You yelped when you felt a hand on your shoulder. Spinning around with your hands raised and clenched to fists, prepared to hear another blaster shot, prepared to feel the burn of the hit. But nothing came. It took you a second to realize that the person to touch your shoulder was kneeling by your side and another couple of seconds until you recognized Din’s unfiltered, smooth voice.
“It’s me, relax” he said, slowly finding his confidence again. “Are you hurt?”
You let out a relieved sigh when the news finally settled in. Din wasn’t dead. Of course not, how could you ever believe he wasn’t capable of any situation thrown at him?
“No” you answered, your voice faint and breathy, shaking like your body was, too. With your heart still running a marathon in your chest you were unable to slow down your breaths.
Din grabbed your hand without another word, slowly lifting you up on your trembling legs. You held onto him, afraid you would just fall back down if you didn’t.
“You did what you had to do” Mayfeld suddenly said as you heard something slide over the top of the table. “I never saw your face.” He probably had grabbed Din’s helmet, holding it out to him. You slowly let go of his arm so he could put the thing back on, grabbing the edge of the table instead that was standing behind you.
You wondered why there was no more shooting. Surely, they must have been more stormtroopers around, right? The moment those thoughts formed in your head, you heard a voice order security to the main commons where you were. Immediately after that the shooting continued. With your eyes wide you stretched out one arm, the fear of being alone suddenly very present again. Din grabbed your hand in an instant, pulling you towards and behind him. You held onto his sides so his arms were free to aim and shoot.
“This way!” Mayfeld said. He sounded like he was standing somewhere behind you. He grabbed your shoulder, pulling at you to signal you, you had to step on some kind of windowsill. Reluctantly you let go of Din who still stood on the floor firing at the coming stormtroopers.
“Kick the thing behind you!” Mayfeld ordered you. “Ready?” You nodded.
“Go!” yelled Din from beneath. With all your strength you pushed against the window covering and with the help of Mayfeld it came loose. You could hear the roaring of a waterfall behind you. That was the moment you realized that you probably weren’t on ground level. Immediately you wanted to jump back down onto the floor, not trusting your blind senses to hold you up there without possibly falling down, but Din had jumped up beside you, moving forward while directing you along the windowsill with him, Mayfeld following as the taillight.
“Be careful” he said, over the noise of Mayfeld’s and the stormtroopers blasters. You reached out and felt a wall before you, blocking your path. But hadn’t Din went that way? He was still holding your arm so… confused you wanted to ask him what you were supposed to do, when you slid one foot forward, feeling the windowsill become narrow before stretching out again. You grabbed onto the stone wall, your heart hammering against your chest, adrenaline pumping through your veins.
“You got to be kidding me” you mumbled, your voice very obviously trembling. Very slowly you reached one foot around the pillar until it touched solid, wide ground again, only then did you carefully slide around the pillar fully, not daring to breathe and very grateful for Din’s touch on your arm, pulling you to him.
“You have to do that one more time. Think you can do it?” Din asked and you almost let out a nervous laugh.
“I don’t have much of a choice, now do I?”
“No.”
You managed to get around the last pillar too without any difficulties, only for someone to grab your foot when you were safely on the other side. They yanked onto it, making you stumble and scream in terror. You let go of Din to grab the window covering, clinging onto it while kicking your foot against the stormtroopers head. They didn’t let go. Another blaster shot was audible right beside you, making you flinch. Then the stormtrooper finally let go of you, his hand going limp. Din didn’t ask if you were alright and instead grabbed your hand, moving you forward again with him as fast as possible. You felt Mayfeld run past you, making you cling onto Din more.
“There’s a ladder, you have to climb up. Mayfeld’s in front of you” Din instructed, moving you before him and directing your hand to the metal ladder, making you realize that it was hanging over the waterfall. You gulped and closed your trembling fingers around the rung before stepping on the ones below with your feet.
“This is a nightmare” you mumbled and began to climb up.
“Come on. Let’s move” Din spoke beneath you.
“The hell you think I’m doin’?” came from above. You were too busy concentrating on the movement of your arms and legs to respond something.
You continue your way up until you felt a hand on your shoulder. You reached out and Mayfeld grabbed your hand, pulling you over a low wall and onto the rooftop. He let go of you after that while Din grabbed your hand once more. He must have been directly behind you.
“Fett won’t be able to land” he said to you, making you turn your head were his must have been. “We have to jump.”
“Jump?!” you yelped, eyes wide. “I can’t see! How am I supposed to jump over a roof and know where I’m landing?”
“You don’t” was the only thing Din said. You opened your mouth to ask him what he meant when you felt one arm around the back of your knees. They buckled in as he heaved you up without any effort. Reflexively you wrapped your arms around his neck and shoulders, clinging onto him as he could only hold you up with one arm, the other one still shooting stormtroopers that dared to follow you up. You gulped and pressed yourself into his side as he began to ran, your heart hammering relentlessly and your head screaming at you to stop this, panic closing its claws around you. But you trusted Din. This had to work.
You heard someone yell “Go! Go! Go!” but couldn’t assign the voice to any face, the sound almost drowned out completely by the Slave I flying over you. You felt Din speed up and climbing another stone wall with two quick steps before jumping off. And even though you couldn’t even see you still pressed your eyes closed and buried your face into the crook of his neck, underneath the helmet. You two landed on the ramp of the Slave I, Din almost tumbling over because of the extra weight by his side but he caught himself and you on the metal wall. Mayfeld landed beside you two but you didn’t even really register that as Din slowly let go of you. But your fingers were still digging into the fabric of his uniform, unable to let go. Your body began to shake because of all the adrenaline still pumping in your veins.
“You good?” Din asked, wrapping his now free arm around your middle to steady you. You opened your still unseeing eyes and only nodded, your mouth far too dry to form words. You felt the ship move away when Mayfeld spoke up: “Hand me that cycler rifle.” Din moved beside you, you still unable to let go. You only vaguely noticed the sound of the rifle after Mayfeld shot, but the sound of the explosion beneath you was unmistakable. You let out the breath you hadn’t realized you were holding.
“(Y/N), come on” Din’s voice snapped you out of your trance, making you turn to the origin of his voice. You nodded once more and let Din lead you inside the ship. He stopped when you reached the area with the seats, waiting for something but you didn’t move.
“You have to let go” he said, a low chuckle following the sound of his voice. You shook your head in protest, tightening your grip on him. You definitely didn’t want to sit alone again, not able to know where anyone was and how to get to them.
“No way” you responded, shaking your head once more. You didn’t want to be alone in the darkness. You heard him sigh, about to argue with you when suddenly Fett’s voice rang from above. “We got company. Hang on.” Without another warning he sped up and curved upwards, making you and Din stumble. He let himself fall onto the seat, taking you with him, now straddling his lap. He held onto the seat to not get thrown off so you tightened the grip on his shoulders even more, pressing your legs to his side as you had to steady yourself. Your breath hitched, your mind blank as you just begged silently for Fett to land this thing already. This day was already long enough and with your heart speeding up again you had no idea how much more you could take. Though the reason for your racing heart was not the wild maneuvers of the other Mandalorian. You buried your head into Din’s armored chest and cursed as your face heated up.
_______________
When Fett finally landed you were unable to stand up, your body still shaking from the aftereffects of all that adrenaline that had pumped through your veins only minutes ago. Only when you felt a hand on your lowered back did your head snap back up to look at Din’s face. You blinked but there was still only darkness.
“Sorry” you breathed out and loosened your grip on him, before slowly sliding of. He, however, followed you, standing in front of you he caught your hands in his. He didn’t say anything. Expect for Mayfeld moving to change his clothes you could only hear Din’s breath through the helmet. Only when he was sure that your legs had stopped shaking and you could stand on your own did he let go of your hands. The silence was somehow resting very heavy on your shoulders, or maybe it was just the stormtrooper armor weighting your tired body down.
“Can you help me out of this?” you asked embarrassed and raised your arms, showing him your still shaking hands in an attempt to explain to him that you couldn’t do it on your own.
“Of course.”
He grabbed one of your arms and pulled you to a separate, small room where he pressed you lightly down on the bed after closing the door. You didn’t protest, letting out a sigh of relief instead.
He began to strip away the pieces of armor in silence, making you even more embarrassed. Fiddling with your hands in your lap you tried to distract yourself and not think about him kneeling before you, removing the leg armor and heavy boots after he had already taken off the chest and shoulder pieces.
You flinched when you felt his gloved hand on top of yours when he was finished, your head snapping up instinctively, your eyes probably not even landing on his helmet.
“How’s your head?” he asked, making you tilt it in question and adjust your eyes to were his voice came from.
“My head?” You freed on of your hands, the other still in Din’s and touched the side of your head, hissing slightly when you touched the wound and already dried blood around it.
“To be honest, I completely forgot I had been hit there” you admitted, actually making Din laugh by saying that.
“Hey!” you huffed in a sulky manner. “I was a bit preoccupied with other problems.” You waved your free hand before your unseeing eyes to emphasize your point.
“Right” he said. “Only distracted by your eyes.” You froze, the challenging tone in his voice unmistakable even through the filter of the helmet.
“Wha-” you started, blinking confused before your face heated up once more. “What is that supposed to mean?!” Din only chuckled, probably also tilting his head in amusement. He left you literally in the dark.
“Din!” you complained with a childlike annoyance in your voice, making him laugh harder. You had to bit your lip to suppress your own laughter bubbling in your throat but failed miserably and joined in anyway.
“You’re mean” you huffed, the remnants of your laughter still audible.
“Yeah” he only answered playfully. You rolled your eyes but squeezed his hand in a thankful manner. It felt nice to let loose here with Din, your muscles finally relaxed after what felt like an eternity in that Empire base. Then it got silent in the room and you wished you could just tell what Din was doing, where he was looking. You shifted a bit on the bed, not uncomfortably just … longingly. If only you hadn’t lost your sight then you would have been even able to see Din’s… you froze and suddenly you felt really selfish and disgusted at yourself for feeling that way.
“Is your eye sight getting any better?” he asked after a while, tearing you from your thoughts. You tilted your head to where he must still be kneeling before you.
“Nope, still can’t see anything” you declared with a sad smile before shaking your head in a dismissive manner.
“Are … are you okay?” you questioned, the tremble in your voice very obvious. You were unsure how to approach the subject you. There was only silence as he let go of your hand, leaving you in the dark. Afraid you had done something wrong you let out a worried: “Din?”
“I, ehm, I nodded” he responded abashed. You couldn’t hold back the short snort of laughter. Then you reached out for Din again, or at least where you suspected him to kneel in front of you. Whatever you touched, he flinched back before he grabbed your hand in his once more, squeezing lightly in reassurance. For a few moments it was absolutely silent before you suddenly couldn’t hold back the words or tears anymore.
“I’m so sorry!” you hiccupped, tears of anger and disappointment at yourself already dripping down the corners of your eyes. “If I hadn’t thrown my helmet during that fight, I wouldn’t have been blind for the rest of the mission and could have done the face scan and you wouldn’t have had to break your creed. It’s all my fault and…”
“It’s not your fault” he interrupted you with a stern but somehow also soft sounding voice while tightening the grip on your hand.
“But I told you I would be there to look out for you and I wasn’t, I was … useless.”
“Don’t say that! You’re not useless!” he snapped, suddenly sounding angry. You jumped a bit, taken aback and surprised by the intensity of his voice. “You’re not useless, never.”
“But I couldn’t even safe Grogu, I-I” you wanted to continue but didn’t have the chance to say more than that as Din shushed you once more.
“Stop” he commanded. “It’s not your fault, none of it is. You did everything you could back then and now. You- you weren’t even able to see my face, it’s… okay.”
You shook your head violently.
“But I know you have brown eyes now… that’s more than I’m supposed to know. Not to forget that Mayfeld and all those officers saw it!” you had to suck in a few breaths before carrying on, not letting Din hold you up this time. “And I could have prevented all this if I had just acted differently. You broke your creed because of me! Because of my incompetence!”
“I broke it for Grogu” Din said. Your throat tightened suddenly, hindering your from speaking up again.
“Wouldn’t you do everything you can for him, too?”
You sternly nodded your head, furrowing your brows at him in surprise and hurt because he felt the need to even ask you this. “Of course, I would!”
“That’s why I did it. That’s why I took the helmet off. There are things … people more important than my creed now” he continued. “So … it’s alright.”
You suddenly felt more tears forming in your eyes as you nodded stiffly. Then without a second thought you leaped forward into Din, wrapping your arms around his shoulders again and burying your head in the crook of his neck. He wrapped one arm around your middle, pressing you against his chest and placed the other one on your head, stroking through your hair in a soothing manner.
“It’s alright” he whispered.
“I know” you mumbled, tears wetting your cheeks.
“So, why are you crying?” he asked.
“I don’t know!”
Din laughed, you felt the rumble vibrate in your chest. If you could you would have given him a punch against his shoulder or let out an annoyed sound but instead you only buried your face further into his neck and let his warmth and touch soothe you.
After a few minutes, when you finally were able to calm down, he directed you back to the bed, sat you down so he could clean the wound on your head. And even though it stung a bit you couldn’t hold back the small smile on your lips as you stared unblinking at Din’s face that was hidden in the dark and behind his Mandalorian helmet. He had changed quickly in another room (even though you wouldn’t even have seen anything but you understood he probably just needed a few moments to himself) before kneeling in front of you once more to treat your injury.
Maybe it was the pain, the constant stinging that slowly numbed you and lulled you into it or just stupid impulse but you spoke up before thinking twice.
“Your voice sounds good without the helmet.”
You froze. Did you really just say that? Din stopped treating the wound on your head and you wanted to apologize immediately but to your surprise he just let his hand fall down on the bed beside you. Then he spoke up, his voice challenging.
“Does it now?” You cleared your throat, your eyes darting around even though you didn’t even have to do that to escape his gaze because you couldn’t even see it.
“Yeah, it’s clearer. Richer” you said softly, folding your hands in your lap to prevent yourself from fiddling with them nervously. You heard him shuffle in front of you.
“You barely heard me talk in there” he stated. You jumped a bit when you suddenly felt his hands on your knees, tensing up for a split second before melting into the warmth of his touch.
“One word would have been enough to know” you said sincerely, nodding absentminded.
Din let out an amused chuckle.
“Are you flirting with me?”
You froze once more, your face heating up immediately. Where you?
“Am I?” the question didn’t come out confident and challenging or even flirtatious, you sounded unsure, caught off guard and longing for a serious answer. He chuckled once more.
“Would you like to hear more?”
“Ehm” this time every word failed you as you just sat there, your mouth agape. Your heart hammering against your ribs so loudly and persistent you were sure Din had to hear it, too.
“No” you finally answered after what felt like an eternity in which you had searched for words. You could hear Din shift, tilting his head in confusion. He was about to pull his hands back in what you detected as hurt but you placed yours on top of his, holding them down on your knees.
“Don’t get me wrong” you continued, staring unblinkingly down to where his face must be. “I really do like your unfiltered voice but you don’t have to take your helmet off, not again. Not for me.”
His silence dragged on, making you nervous, paralyzing you and making you worry you had maybe said something wrong. Had you offended him? Did you hurt him? You swallowed hard, your grip on his hands tightened without you realizing it.
“I want to.”
You blinked confused. “What?”
“I want to take it off right now, for you.”
You didn’t say anything and just sat there, staring into the void in which Din was kneeling somewhere. You had no words left, not one thought just absolute emptiness. Your mind was blank. You felt his hands slide away from underneath yours but you couldn’t move, couldn’t react, couldn’t pin him down there or prevent him from putting his hands on the side of his helmet. You heard the quiet hiss as he lifted it up and even though you couldn’t see anything your breath hitched as one single thought found its way into your head: brown eyes. Din put the helmet down on the floor, you heard the metallic clang but that was it. No other sounds. If you weren’t so shocked you might have teased him, told him he had to speak up if he wanted for you to hear his voice. But instead, you just sat there frozen in place, the fingernails of your hands which have started shaking pushed into your knees.
“Hey” he finally said. All that discomfort and uncertainty his voice had in that Imperial base had vanished. His voice just sounded soft and warm, comforting and pleasant. A sound so foreign but still familiar. A melody you felt yourself drawn to and immediately addicted. You blinked into the void as Din’s voice was the only thing giving you halt in it. Your body felt like it was engulfed by flames and then immediately thrown into ice cold water. All that and he had only said one word.
You sucked in a breath, your body tensing up as you felt him place his hands on top of yours again. Then you relaxed immediately, a small smile finding its way on your lips. “Hey.”
Din chuckled, not the distorted sound you were used to by now, the sound he sometimes tried to cover up with a cough, this time it sounded free and pure as if he finally didn’t feel the need to hold back anymore. As if he let go for the first time in a while.
You let out a breathy chuckle in response, still not fully believing your ears.
“You know, I would have never thought your voice could sound so soft” you continued, the small smile on your lips slowly growing.
“Soft?” he asked, almost sounding offended but you heard the light smirk in his voice, showing you that he was only teasing.
“Hmm, soft and warm” you hummed in agreement. “Tell me, did you adjust that helmet so your voice sounds husky and gruff through it?”
“No” he growled, showing you that his voice could indeed sound that way without any tricks. You laughed as a shiver ran down your spine. You would lie if you said you didn’t feel special to hear his unfiltered voice without the stress in it, his voice filled with softness.
“I’m only teasing” you whispered.
“I know” Din retorted, his voice back to sounding soft and friendly. You had to bit your lip to suppress the sigh that would have spilled from them otherwise.
“What do you think?”
“Hmm?” you asked, tilting your head in question.
“What do you think I look like?” Suddenly he sounded rather shy and timid. Was he afraid of what you would say?
“I-” you started but had to collect your thoughts first. “I never pictured how you might look before. I never imagined anything.”
Now Din was the one to move in confusion.
“I just thought of you as… I don’t” you stopped, opening and closing your mouth a few times without producing a sound. “I don’t know how to describe it. It’s more of a feeling.”
You interpreted his silence as a cue for you to continue your explanation.
“I just… When I think of you, when I look at you, I just feel right. Like I finally belong.”
Din’s stunned silence continued. Or at least you hoped he was stunned and not repulsed by what you just said. If it weren’t for his hands still on yours, you wouldn’t even know if he was still here. Your heart jumped up into your throat in nervousness.
“Din?” you asked quietly. “Please say something.”
“How do you expect me to be able to say something after that?” he asked stunned, mumbling an almost not audible “Dank farrik”.
“Ehm” you managed to press out, not wanting to say silent. “I didn’t know, I … sorry?”
“No!” The intensity in his voice made you jump. “Don’t apologize! I didn’t mean it that way. I’m just… surprised.”
“Surprised?” you asked confused, your volume louder than you anticipated it to. “What did you think I felt for you?”
“I would have imagined you to feel that for Grogu, not me.”
“Din!” you scolded, narrowing your eyes at him. “For the love of-! I wouldn’t have stayed with you for so long if you didn’t make me feel safe! Not even for the kid.”
“Really?” he asked, a hopeful tremor in his voice.
“You think I’m lying?” you asked, raising one eyebrow.
“No!” he quickly answered. “Maker, no. Never.”
“Prove it.”
You were just teasing at that point, obvious by the sly grin on your lips, at least to you. You had imagined him to speak again, sternly tell you that he was sincere or to tease back, challenging you in some way. You were never prepared for him to suddenly stand up, tilt your head up with one finger and place his lips on yours.
You froze, eyes wide and your heart skipping more than one beat. You were unable to respond to his kiss, just able to wonder about how it was possible for someone’s lips to feel rough and soft at the same time before your mind went blank, leaving you without any thoughts. Your whole body tingled and acted on its own accord. The feeling of his lips, of Din, made you curl your toes and fingers in delight. Still, you were unable to kiss back, your breath stuck in your throat. The only thing you could do is dwell in that feeling, a feeling you thought you had understood its meaning already. But with the warmth of Din’s lips against yours, you finally realized how it was supposed to feel like. Some might compare that feeling to the light and heat of a campfire dancing on one’s skin, the darkness of the night wrapped around them and their friends like a blanket, ears filled with the crackle of the fire and the soft hum of the wind twisting its way through the trees.
For you it always felt like when the Razor Crest switched into hyperdrive. The short startle rushing through your body before the ship settled into a smooth flight and you could lean back in the copilot seat, relaxing under the light of the stars that were flashing by as streaks of silver and blue. But now you knew how it was supposed to be. It was supposed to feel like Din’s lips on yours, no matter the place, no matter the time. This was how 'belonging’ was supposed to fill your chest with warmth, drowning you in its sensation.
Your heart flattered back to life when Din pulled back, but by the way you felt his breath hot on your face you knew that he hasn’t moved far away.
“Soft” you were only able to breath out, your body still frozen. Din chuckled.
“Not as soft as yours, ner kar’ta.”
You blinked a few times before readjusting your eyes to were his ones must have been, his brown ones. You let out one single “Ha” that conveyed all your inner turmoil. Your confusion and perplexity, how breathless you were, the relentless hammering of your heart, your spinning thoughts and most importantly your surprise and happiness.
“Enough prove?” he asked, his voice had changed more into the husky pitch you were more familiar with. Or at least you had thought so prior because now it made your whole body heat up. It felt like you were engulfed by flames. You had no idea how you managed to sort your thoughts enough to shake your head and say “No”.
He leaned down, his lips back on yours immediately while one of his hands wandered around your waist, the other one placed on the back of your neck, brining you closer. A sigh left your mouth as you melted into the touch and kissed back. Closing your eyes, your arms moving almost automatically to drape over his shoulders, your hands buried themselves in his hair. You made yourself jump a little as one clear thought fought its way onto the surface: Should you even do that? Was it … allowed? But the way Din growled into the kiss as you tugged at his hair when you had jumped, made you forget that immediately. Your heart fluttered in your chest, making you dizzy with the feeling of Din’s lips on yours. You were grateful for sitting on that bed right now because you were certain your legs would have given up beneath you otherwise. The taste of his lips was hypnotic, intoxicating. The world around you melted away, he made you forget everything in that moment.
When he pulled away once more, his hands still on you, you needed a few seconds to progress that this was real, that you weren’t dreaming. And when your mind finally caught on you could only stare into the darkness that didn’t seem so frightening anymore, now that Din was so close to you.
“I can’t breathe” you pressed out, too overwhelmed by the emotions racing inside your chest. And what was Din’s response to that? He laughed.
“That’s not funny!” you scolded, still breathless. Your chest rose and fell rapidly as you sucked in the air around you, your thoughts still mostly mushy and chaotic. The hammering of your heart echoed in your ears together with Din’s laughter.
“You’re so mean!” you groaned when you were finally able to breathe properly again.
“Yeah” he only retorted to that once more. You would have scolded him more but the way his breath tickled over your face, so close to your lips, almost brushing them with his own, made you eat your words. But your thoughts continued you spin. You opened your mouth but you were unable to produce a sound so you furrowed your brows and closed it again.
“What’s wrong, ner kar’ta?” Din asked, his voice low but clear and still only inches away from you. You felt his hand move to your face, hovering near it before he cupped your cheek, as not to startle you. You leaned into his touch and closed your eyes with a soft hum.
“Nothing, I just…” you began, searching for the words. “I was just wondering what those words mean.”
“What words?” Din asked confused, caressing the skin underneath your eye carefully and in a soothing manner.
“These names you call me ever since Tython” you finally dared to ask. When he didn’t answer right away you bit your lip and opened your eyes out of reflex, trying to look at him but forced to be confronted with the darkness once more. You let out a short and disappointed sigh at that.
“It’s Mando'a” Din finally said, making you nod. You had suspected that.
“What does cyar'ika mean? Or ner kar’ta?” you questioned further, unsure if you were able to remember the pronunciation right. Din stayed silent once more, the muscles in his hand flexed against your cheek as he cleared his throat. You furrowed your brows again. Was he… embarrassed?
“Din?” you asked with one raised eyebrow.
“Cyar'ika means Sweetheart and-” he began, his hand now completely stiff on your face. “And ner kar’ta means My Heart.”
You stared at Din with wide, unseeing eyes when you felt your face heat up, your heart stuttering against your ribs.
“Oh” was the only sound able to leave your mouth. Your thoughts stopped completely, leaving your mind blank as you blinked, trying to process what he had just revealed to you.
“If you don’t like me calling you that I’ll stop” Din suddenly said, his voice a bit further back than before. He must have leaned back from your face in the time you were frozen in place. You blinked again until you understood his words and then shook your head violently.
“No!” you snapped, your voice sounded more desperate than you wanted it to. Your hands flew up, wanting to cup his face put you couldn’t tell where he was right now so you only grabbed at nothing. Din’s hand left your face to grab yours and led them to him, understanding what you were trying to do. You cupped both of his cheeks, bring his face closer to you once more while his gloved hands stayed on top of yours.
“Don’t you dare stop calling me that!” you said, your voice not commanding but strong. You took a few breaths and your features softened once more.
“I-” you started but got interrupt by a knock on the door which made you jump and Din freeze in place underneath the touch of your hands, his own ones dropped down.
“Hey you two, Cara and Fennec should be back soon. You need to discuss what to do from here, don’t you?” Mayfeld spoke from behind the door but didn’t try to open it, at least from what you could hear. “I’ll meet you outside.”
“O-okay” you threw back, cursing yourself for stumbling over one word. Why did you feel as if you were caught in the act? You gulped and blinked, directing your unseeing eyes back to Din who was still not moving. If you could just tell what was going on in Din’s head right now. He was still only inches away from your face again but unmoving like a mountain, unreadable. Not for much longer though.
You pulled him forward this time, connecting your lips with his once more. It was a short and sweet kiss, just for you to make sure that moment between you and Din wasn’t just … a moment and nothing else. A short kiss to reassure him that you liked the nicknames, that you liked him and hoped he felt the same. But when he responded your kiss, his lips dancing against yours so light and faint and his arms wrapped around you, you were sure it was much more than just a moment you had shared. You were sure he understood and felt the same, even without him or you saying it out loud.
When you two parted you felt his eyes, brown eyes, staring into yours and you just hoped you were able to respond with the same intensity.
Then he slowly let his hands slide from your body and yours fell from his face as he stood up, grabbing his helmet from the floor without another word.
“Wait!”
“What is it, ner kar’ta?” he asked worried but his voice still clear and rich in tone. You smirked.
“I just wanted to hear your undistorted voice one last time today.”
