Chapter Text
He wakes up with a gasp.
Then, he’s heaving; breath coming out in shakes and trembles and Suho realises, rather exhaustedly, that he’s sweating. That, and there’s the sound of his door swinging open, followed by sets of hurried footsteps and the one voice he’s both allured by yet finds himself terrified by it too.
Jugyeong settles to his side naturally. She’s already got one hand around a glass of cool water, the other behind his back. His sweaty back, and he’s about to push her away — make sure that she doesn’t have to be there around him when he’s obviously gross and unhealthy — but Jugyeong is quick.
The water is shoved to his face.
“Here,” she says, urgent. “Have a drink.”
He looks at her - properly, and feels instantly guilty that he hasn’t had a chance to really reply to her since yesterday. It’d just... been a few difficult days, and while talking with Jugyeong usually eases his mind, it’s hard to maintain the level of attention when she’s only still text messages across the screen. Phones, after all, can be silenced. Worse, they ran out of battery. They die, and you’re cut off.
Suho feels selfish like this, for only wanting her physically just because it’s easier or more pleasing for him — when he’s aware that Jugyeong has this whole life aside from him. And she deserves to explore it, live in it.
Yet...
Suho drinks the water up - swallow it down like a madman. Jugyeong watches, and she smiles when he’s done, bending over till she reaches the bedside table to pick up — balms? Yeah. Seems like it. Traditional ones in those small tin cans.
“You’re here,” Suho finally acknowledges her, looking down to his laps like he’s done something criminal, and he’s awaiting a scold.
“Yes, of course,” He hears Jugyeong answers and she sounds - disappointed, but her voice picks up, suggesting that she doesn’t really take offense. Suho knows, logically, that maybe Jugyeong doesn’t. She understands; she always does, but his heart races anyway to think that he’d burdened her anyway. That he’d troubled her. He’s a bad and horrible boyfriend, when all Jugyeong deserves is the best.
“I was worried when you didn’t text me back. But when I asked your sister, she said you’ve been having migraines since yesterday,” Jugyeong pouts. She’s so cute. Suho feels like he could fly. “You should’ve told me.”
“I didn’t wanna worry you.”
He knows she’s been getting more make-up gigs lately due to her performance while she’s under Selena, and he’d been so proud, and he didn’t want to break that momentum for her. He couldn’t. He wants her to succeed doing what she’s love - cause that’s when she looks the happiest.
“You think I wasn’t worried when you stopped texting back?” She scolds, and then, unexpectedly in ways that only Jugyeong could be, she presses her palms against his cheeks, and squeezes. That surprises him! But Jugyeong is surprisingly strong during the oddest times, and stupidly determined when she could be. It’s endearing. “Aish, what’s the point of having the best grade in your class when you’re this dense?”
“I, uh-” Suho stutters, “I'm s-sweaty—”
“I don’t mind!” Jugyeong insists, and her hair waves over with every movements. Everything she does is just so... Suho likes it so much. “You should tell me when you’re troubled or sick or - or anything. Just like how I always tell you if I’m bothered or bored or angry. We’re together because we want to worry about each other. I want to worry about you.”
Suho finds himself speechless, Adam’s apple bobbing up and down in an effort to reply, but nothing’s coming out.
Jugyeong seems satisfied by this expression - she smiles, and it’s the best thing Suho has ever seen. For a moment, any dream of Seyeon and his mom and the sadness that seems to always hover drifts back. What remains were the better memories. Not the nightmares and the trauma.
Suho feels like he’s crumbling apart - but that’s okay, because Jugyeong seems to always know what to do with him, crumbled or not. Every tension on his body ebbs out, and Suho allows himself to lean in, forehead falling against his partner’s shoulder, and he could smell the scent of detergent there. The same detergent he’s been wearing because Jugyeong’s been picking out more and more of their groceries together.
“I love you,” he murmurs, and he does, and he does, and he does.
Jugyeong doesn’t hesitate. When she answers back, she sounds like she’s smiling - happy. “I love you too, silly.”
Suho wants to cry.
“Mom gave me that balm that could help with migraines. There’s also, I think, some ointment? I’m not sure. I brought dad’s scented candle cause I know you like the one that’s smelled like peppermint,” Jugyeong giggles against his ear, arms going around to wrap him by the shoulders. His hands brace by her hips before he finds more courage, and pulls her in, just a bit. Selfish. Is he selfish, for feeling so grateful?
“I’ve also ordered porridges for dinner if you feel like eating later. I ordered extra chicken for me though, but you can totally have mine if you ask very, very nicely,” she teases, giggling again. She’s adorable.
Suho feels his heart jumps. He pulls back a little - he wants to see her face for this. “You’re staying?”
“Yeah,” She nods a few times. Smiles. Arms still around him. So close, she’s so warm. What has he ever done to deserve this? To deserve her. “If you’re okay with it though—”
“Yes,” He’s too quick, too desperate, too un-cool, but he doesn’t care. “Yes,” He hugs her again, this time he squeezes her body fully. Thankfully, Jugyeong only naturally hugs him back. “Of course.”
“Then, I’ll be here all night. I’ll help you.”
Suho wants to cry, but he settles with only counting the fast drumming of his heartbeat, and the fact their detergent smells the same: as if a receipt that his life and hers has been entangled to this extent, and he wants every scrap of it. Maybe things aren’t always okay, but - maybe things aren’t always bad, too.