Work Text:
Natasha had been sitting on the couch, crying. She doesn't know how else to handle this situation. All the others had left her alone in the compound, not giving a rat's ass about how she felt. They didn't care enough about her to realize that something was going on. Except for Clint, everyone was gone. She had never felt this alone before. She felt so broken.
Clint couldn't find her anywhere. He was about to give up looking for her when he turned around and saw her on the couch. He walked up to where she was sitting, squatting in front of her, making sure she could see him.
"Tash, are you alright?" he looked at her with concern in his eyes. He hasn't seen her like this since Budapest. Natasha looked up at him, stray tears still falling from her eyes. She was far from okay, but she didn't want him to worry too much.
"Yeah, I'm fine. Just tired is all" Natasha knew that he could see straight through the lie but was just too tired. She didn't want Clint to pity her, didn't want him to look at her like this, all broken down and defeated. And Clint knew how she was feeling. He had felt the same way after what had happened in New York all those years ago. He got up from his spot on the floor and sat down next to Natasha on the couch.
"Nat, I know that you feel like I will pity you for acting like this, but I promise, I don't think of you any differently. It's okay to lose yourself sometimes. That's part of being human. I'm always here for you, no matter what. So can you please tell me what's going on in that little head of yours?"
Natasha looked at Clint, trying to figure out why he cared about her so much. She didn't deserve his affection, didn't deserve his friendship. Natasha took a deep breath and told Clint everything that was bothering her.
"Clint, am I good enough? I mean, am I good enough to be leading the avengers? All that stuff I did, all those people I killed. I've tried making up for those mistakes, but it just doesn't seem like it's enough, like I'm enough. Everywhere I go, all I can think about is the people that we let down. I failed them. They needed to be protected, and I couldn't give them the protection they deserved. Does that make me a failure?"
Clint took in every word that she said. He was shocked. Natasha would never think about things in-depth like this before, so naturally, he was very concerned.
"Tasha, look at me," he lifted her chin so that she was looking at him in the eye. "This is not your fault. Yes, those people did need to be protected, but you did what you could to save the entire earth. No one could prepare for what Thanos was going to do to us. You did everything right. You saved a lot of people. Sure, it might not have been as many as you would have liked, but you saved lives. What you did was amazing, so don't be too hard on yourself, okay?"
Natasha broke eye contact with Clint, trying to keep herself from completely breaking. even with words of comfort, she still felt like a failure. she looked down at her hands, trying to come up with a response.
"But it doesn't seem like enough. If I forget about what happened, then who does this? I mean, you know what I was like before. I know it's not my fault for what Thanos did, but why do I still feel so guilty? Why do I feel like everyone's death is my fault?"
"Tash, when I killed all those people when I was under Loki's control, I thought that it was all my fault, that I would lose my job, and never be forgiven for the unspeakable crimes that I did. But do you remember what you told me? You said that it wasn't my fault that it was Loki's. It was monsters and magic and nothing we ever trained for, and you were right. We weren't prepared for it at all, but we still managed to save New York, didn't we? Its, the same for what Thanos did. All those deaths were not your fault. You have to accept that it's true. It took me a long time to accept what I did, but I eventually got there, and you will too."
"Clint, I know you are trying to make me feel better, but I feel so guilty. I feel like everyone would be better without me. I mean, look around. Everyone else left me the minute we failed to get the stones the second time. I feel like if I didn't let those people down, then the rest of the team would be here. It's my fault that they aren't here. It's my fault that they left me because I didn't do a good enough job the first time. I feel like there is pressure to fix all the things that Thanos did, and it's too much for me. I cant -"
"Nat, stop tearing yourself down. None of this is your fault. They left because they needed to take a break. Maybe you should take a break too. Just relax and try to forgive yourself. I know it won't be easy, but I'm in this with you until the end. I'm always going to be here for you."
Clint rubbed his thumb over her cheek, bringing her attention back to him. She took it all in, and the floodgates had broken. She wrapped her arms around his neck, sobbing into his shoulder. Clint put one hand on the back of her head and brought the other to her back, rubbing circles on her back to try and calm her down, whispering soothing words in her ear. It had been a good five minutes before Natasha was calm enough to speak again. She lifted her head off Clint's shoulder and looked him in the eyes.
"Clint, what did I do to deserve you? I mean, I was an assassin, still am. But I barely showed any emotion when I first came here to America. why have you stuck around this whole time?"
Clint laughed at this and wiped a stray tear from her face. "Nat, I stayed with you because you are the only one that I know will have my back. You were always there for me when I was going through hard times, and I want to do the same for you because I love you more than anything. You are my world. You are the one thing that I can't live without, so that's why I'm staying here. No matter what life throws at us, I will always take care of you because you don't deserve to go through this alone. you deserve to be loved, to be taken care of."
"I can take care of myself."
"But the thing is, Nat, you don't have to. I know tons of people like you. You are focused on the greater good of every situation, trying to get people to think you like being alone, which I know for a fact that you don't like being alone at all. You keep running at the problem full tilt until you either solve it or slam headlong into a brick wall. I am here to pick you back up when you run into those walls. You are my best friend. There is no way that I will ever let you feel bad about yourself."
Natasha looked at him, eyes wide, shocked about it all. She leaned forward, placing a kiss on his cheek, and laid her head back on his shoulder. They had cuddled up together, just happy to be in each other's embrace. Clint placed a kiss on her temple, content with the way she was feeling. Nothing could break the bond that they had spent so long building. Over the years, they had found themselves in situations like this one, but they always managed to break free from it and forgive themselves.
"I love you, Nat." "Love you too, Clint."
And that's when she knew that they would be okay. They always had each other's backs and were never going to give up on each other. That's why they made the perfect duo. she was so grateful that she had Clint in her life because no one ever understood her the way that he did. So if anyone could help her get through this, it would be Clint.