Chapter Text
Um, so, this is awkward, thinks Shirabe, lying in her bed in the darkness of their prison cell, staring at the underside of the bunk above her.
She has to really strain her ears to hear it, but now that she's noticed it, she just can't bring herself to ignore it: The muffled sounds of sobbing from Kirika's bunk above her.
Shirabe's first instinct is to roll over, go back to sleep, and pretend she never heard anything. But this is Kirika. The girl who's always been there for Shirabe; the girl who made it her mission to protect her, even when she was in as much need of protection as Shirabe herself. And so, if she takes the easy way out here, what does that say about what she thinks of Kirika? No, she owes it to Kiri-chan to put in more effort in than that.
Her heart pounds at the thought of doing something to intervene here. It's a bit out of her comfort zone. She's not good at dealing with this sort of thing. Usually it's the other way around, with Kiri-chan forcing her way past Shirabe's shields to comfort her.
But if it were me, would I even really want someone to intervene? She frowns. It'd be embarrassing. I think I'd rather just cry myself in private and get it out of my system, so that no one else finds out.
But on the other hand…
Even if she were in that situation, even if she would be mortified at someone finding her in such a pathetic state, she thinks she'd still be secretly hoping for someone like Kiri-chan to come along and offer her hugs and comfort, someone who could just brazenly push past any of her weak protests.
"Sh…Shirabe…" The whimper from the above bunk is almost too quiet to be heard.
But people's minds have a knack of zeroing in on hearing one's own name, don't they? So Shirabe's ears pick up the words even though they're barely just at the threshold of hearing. It's obvious that Kirika is trying to keep herself as quiet as possible to avoid waking up either Shirabe or Maria.
Shirabe takes a deep breath and lets it out. Her mind is already made up. She braces herself in anticipation of meeting the relative coldness of the room.
This place isn't as cold and uncomfortable as back on their FIS airship by any means (Div 2 is being astonishing generous in their accommodations of the three despite their crimes, and she's starting to have nagging doubts about why on earth they're pampering their prisoners so much), but it's still a bit of an unpleasant contrast to the warmth inside her blankets.
Then, taking another deep breath, she throws the blankets off, and then steps out onto the cold, prison floor.
They have slippers, but she's not going to bother to try and find them in this darkness, since she's just going to be climbing up to the top bunk right away. She's climbed this thing enough times during the day that she can more or less find the footholds on this ladder without needing to see them. She glances over at her bed, and after a brief moment of contemplation, she grabs her pillow. She might need this.
And then, up she climbs.
As soon as her head peeks over the edge of the top bunk, she whispers, "Kiri-chan? Are you all right?"
Kirika's breath hitches, and then her sobbing stops. "It's nothing," says the blonde, her voice thick. She rolls over to her right, away from the ladder.
"...Do you mind if I join you?" asks Shirabe.
No response from Kirika.
Shirabe bites her lip, and then takes a deep breath. "I'm coming in, unless you say otherwise," she says.
At the very least, Kirika doesn't object. It's not like there's anything too unusual about this scenario, anyway. Back during the uncomfortable cold nights in the FIS aircraft, Shirabe did this somewhat frequently as well; bringing their futons closer together to share some warmth.
Shirabe tosses her pillow down to the left of Kirika's, on the side closer to the ladder, Shirabe gingerly picks up the edge of Kirika's blankets and then dives underneath. She sighs in relief at the warmth of the covers.
She turns to Kirika, who's lying facing away from her. "Kiri-chan?" she asks, hesitantly placing a hand on her friend's shoulder.
The girl is shaking slightly.
Shirabe grimaces. "Um," she says quietly. "Is everything all right?"
More silence.
Shirabe's not used to this level of stonewalling. Kirika's the one who's normally so cheery and upbeat. If anything, Shirabe's typically the one who's too closed in on herself, and Kirika's the one who works on pulling Shirabe out of herself.
"Kiri-chan," Shirabe says quietly, wrapping her arms around Kirika from behind and pulling her close.
"Ugahh!" exclaims Kirika, "your feet are cold!" And now the blonde is turning around and pushing Shirabe away.
Shirabe smiles sheepishly. "Sorry." Although it's dark, she can at least somewhat see Kirika's face, from the faint ambient lighting of the emergency exit lights and the smoke detector lights and various other tiny lights scattered around the room.
Her friend's face is a mess. Tears are streaking down her face and her eyes look swollen and red.
"Oh, Kiri-chan," murmurs Shirabe, reaching out with her sleeve and wiping away a few of Kirika's tears.
"God, Shirabe," says Kirika, smiling weakly, "couldn't you have just gone back to sleep and let me cry in peace?"
"Now, what kind of friend would I be if I did that?" asks Shirabe. She scoots a little closer to Kirika, touching her feet against Kirika's. "And I'm not the only one with cold feet. Yours are cold, too."
"Are not," says Kirika, none of her usual cheer in her voice at all. She just sounds really exhausted.
"I'm here," says Shirabe, placing a hand on Kirika's shoulder. "Just remember that."
Kirika's lip quivers, and then she starts wiping furtively at her eyes. "I had a bad dream," she murmurs.
"Er…" says Shirabe. "Do you want to talk about it?"
There's a long silence.
Kirika turns onto her back, staring up at the ceiling. "I dreamt I killed you," she says in a quiet voice. "With my… you know, with my Symphogear."
There's another long silence as Shirabe struggles to figure out how to respond to that. Because how are you supposed to respond to something like that?
"That sounds… bad," Shirabe finally says. "But it was only a dream. I'm right here."
"Don't you think I know that?" snaps Kirika. She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. "But it really was my fault. Back there, back on Frontier, I really did almost kill you." She grits her teeth. "I can't believe myself!"
Shirabe rubs Kirika's arm. "But I'm fine. I wasn't even hurt, because of Finé. No harm done."
Kirika pulls her arm away and slaps herself on the face with both hands. "Auuuuughhhh!"
"Kiri-chan?"
The blonde slaps herself on the face again with both hands, her eyes clenched shut. "I'm so stupid! Stupid! Stupid!" She rolls over, back and forth. "Frick, frick, frick!"
Shirabe watches helplessly as Kirika rolls back and forth.
Finally, Kirika turns to Shirabe, peeking through her fingers, her eyes teary. "I'm so stupid. All that time, I thought Finé was about to reincarnate in me. But, she was actually inside you. That time that scaffolding collapsed on us in the construction site… The one who protected us with that shield magic wasn't me, it was you. And while I was freaking out and just being dumb, you were actually being smart and doing the right thing. Even though you were the one who was Finé..." Kirika chokes back a sob.
Shirabe puts a hand on Kirika's shoulder. "It worked out all right in the end, didn't it? It turned out that Finé was actually being nice and staying hidden. So if it had been you, or if it had been me, it wouldn't have made a difference. It all would have worked out in the end."
"But even then!" Kirika sniffs, wiping her eyes. "I'm so dumb. Stupid. Dumb."
Shirabe frowns, feeling terrible. She really doesn't like it when Kiri talks like that about herself. But what should she even say? Because while Shirabe knows Kiri isn't as dumb as she's making herself out to be, to be honest, Shirabe really did find some of Kiri's actions back during the Frontier incident to be… a bit frustrating, to say the least.
Injecting her with Anti-LiNKER out of nowhere, for goodness sake. They were in the middle of a Noise swarm! What would have Kirika done if a Noise had gotten the jump on Shirabe when she'd been unarmed and defenceless? Sometimes she wishes Kirika would think more before she acts.
It's not like she can say those things right now though. There's a time and a place. But Shirabe really doesn't really particularly like sugarcoating things, either. She doesn't like lying.
After along period of silence, interspersed with just the sound of Kirika's stifled sobs, Shirabe says, "K…Kiri-chan. We all make mistakes. We've all done some pretty stupid things in our lives. But that doesn't make you stupid. Please don't call yourself stupid! I won't let you."
"But it's true," says Kirika, sniffling. "It's a fact."
"It's not," says Shirabe. She scoots closer and throws an arm over Kirika. "Please. Kiri-chan. I already told you, I forgive you."
"…" Kirika stares at Shirabe, and then grimaces. "I saw the blood coming out of you when my scythe went into your back. It went deep. If that miracle hadn't happened… You'd be dead. The only reason you're alive is because of a miracle. 99 times out of 100, you'd be dead. And it's my fault."
"But I'm not dead," says Shirabe, rubbing Kirika's back. "I'm still here. The miracle did happen. There's no use in dwelling on hypotheticals…"
Kirika clenches her eyes shut, shaking. "Tell that to that brain of mine, then!" Opening her eyes, she grabs onto Shirabe's other hand. "I keep seeing you dead in my dreams. I… I've been afraid to go to sleep these days."
Shirabe winces. "That sounds rough."
"…Yeah," murmurs Kirika.
There's a bit of a moment of silence.
"You're not stupid," Shirabe murmurs stubbornly, reaching over and rubbing Kirika's back. "You're great. Sometimes you know just the right thing to say. Back when we were still in F.I.S., you've helped me in more ways than you think."
Kirika just lets out a vague, defeated sound. She shuffles in closer, resting her head against Shirabe's chest. She takes a deep, shaky breath, and then lets it out.
Shirabe rests her head on top of Kirika's. "Kiri-chan, I love you, okay?"
"Mrrgh," Kirika says, still sniffling slightly.
They stay like that for a while.
Soon, Kirika's breathing evens out.
Shirabe blinks in the darkness, feeling the slow rising and falling of Kirika's chest against her body. Kiri-chan fell asleep already?...
Well, it is still pretty early in the morning, after all.
Shirabe pulls Kirika a bit closer, letting out a slightly shaky breath. If Kirika has another bad dream, Shirabe will be right here when Kirika wakes up. And with that, Shirabe closes her eyes, Kirika's warmth by her side, and lets herself slowly slip back into sleep.