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“I’m going to visit Carl soon.”
“That sounds nice,” Simon said from where he was sitting on their bed.
“Yeah, I… I haven’t seen him since right before… wait, no, I didn’t end up seeing him then… so I guess the last time would’ve been…” Markus’ eyes widened. “The last time would’ve been before what happened at Hart Plaza.”
“I mean, it makes sense that you haven’t seen him for so long,” Simon offered. “We have all been kind of busy, since then.”
“Yeah, we have.” Markus sighed. “I wish I’d been able to go see him more often… hey, do you want to come with me?”
“You want me to come with?” Simon asked.
“Since we’re dating and all… I’d really like to… introduce you two, I guess?”
“Okay, then. Just let me know when you want to do it, so that I can make sure I’m not busy.”
“Thanks, Simon.” Markus pressed a quick kiss to his lips.
“How far is it?” Simon asked as they got in the taxi.
“Not far. His house is just on Lafayette Avenue.”
Wait a second… A staticky memory played in Simon’s mind.
“Simon?” Markus was leaning towards him, concerned.
“Markus… I…” Simon shook his head. “It was just a memory, that’s all.”
Markus didn’t seem convinced, but didn’t try to argue further.
Eventually, the taxi pulled up in front of a two-story brick house with a neat lawn on the quiet street. Exactly the type of place you’d expect from this neighborhood. And so much like where my family used to live…
Lost in his own thoughts, Simon stepped out of the taxi, only realizing that Markus wasn’t behind him when he heard only his own footsteps on the stone path leading up to the house. “Markus?” he asked, turning around.
Markus was still in the taxi, curled up on himself and staring at the floor like… like he’s having a panic attack.
Simon was all too familiar with those.
“Markus!” he called as he ran back towards the vehicle. He climbed in, sitting down in the seat across from him. “Hey, Markus… you’re okay… I’m here… you’re safe.” He eased his voice into a false sense of calmness, knowing that if he panicked, that could make things worse for Markus. “Just… breathe… okay? Well, I know it’s hard, in the moment, but please try.”
A timer appeared in the corner of Simon’s vision, counting with how long Markus breathed in and out and keeping a running log of all the times. They got longer, and longer, and eventually the timer disappeared, no longer needed.
“My system says it’s overheating, but nothing seems to be wrong,” Markus said, seeming confused. “Is that…?”
“Yes, it’s normal,” Simon said. “Markus, I think you just had a panic attack.”
Markus nodded. “My stress levels are at… 74%.”
“Unless seeing Carl is going to make that go down, I don’t think we should do this today.”
“But I promised I would… he’s probably disappointed that I’m not there… or worried… and all that worry probably isn’t good for his health…”
“Having a stress level that high isn’t good for your health, either,” Simon pointed out.
“But Carl needs –“
“I don’t care what Carl or anyone else needs, Markus,” Simon said, leaning forward so he could put his hands on Markus’ shoulders. “This clearly isn’t the right time for this, so we are not going to do it today. I love you, Markus, and I don’t want anything to happen to you. No one else – at least, those who matter – wants anything to happen to you, either, okay?”
Markus opened his mouth, then closed it, then nodded slowly. “Okay. But now I feel… ridiculous. For dragging you out here, and then doing… this.”
“Markus, you didn’t choose this.” Simon quickly interfaced with the taxi, telling it to go to a nearby park that he remembered. “It’s okay that you feel like that, but don’t let it become you. Being afraid – of this, or anything else – having that be who you are isn’t a fun life to live. You might be alive, but you’re not really living that way.”
The taxi pulled up at the park entrance. “Should we walk around outside for a while?” Simon asked. “It’s a school day, so the park should be pretty empty…”
“Alright.” They didn’t talk much at first, just walking along the path until Markus seemed to notice something in a nearby tree. Or… underneath it, as it turned out. Kneeling down, Markus scooped up a tiny baby bird. In the branch above him was a nest containing a brightly-colored finch and several squawking baby birds.
Simon couldn’t help but smile as Markus put the bird back in the nest with its siblings. “So I tell you to take care of yourself, and then you become a bird rescuer.”
“Oops, sorry,” Markus said, not sounding sorry at all.
“Why can’t you just let other people treat you like the baby bird sometimes?” Simon asked.
“I don’t know,” Markus said, suddenly seeming very serious. “Maybe because, when my life used to be in someone else’s hands, it all just got ripped away from me in an instant.” When he turned to face Simon fully, there wasn’t a look of determination in his eyes, because right now he wasn’t being the androids’ fearless leader. There wasn’t a look of adoration, because right now he wasn’t being anyone’s lover or son or friend. There was only Markus, with his mismatched blue and green eyes that Simon had never thought much about until now.
“Markus…” Simon said, trying to pull all of his thoughts together as he realized how everything was connected, “Is that what you thought of, when you had the panic attack? And why –“ He pointed to each of his eyes in turn.
Markus held out his hand to Simon, the skin over his hand retracting. Simon took it, accepting the interface.
“I can’t believe you’ve been living with that for so long,” Simon said once the interface had ended.
“Before the revolution, everyone had to deviate somehow…”
“That still doesn’t make it right.” Simon sighed. “Markus… will you at least consider talking to someone about this? You know we’ve gotten therapy set up now as a service for androids, and this is exactly what it’s for.”
“I’ll think about it,” Markus said before pressing a gentle but lingering kiss to Simon’s lips.