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The babbling from Jingu no longer could be heard. Hoseok’s room, only lit by a nightlight, was now quiet again. Jingu was sleeping on his right side, lying down facing him and snoring softly. Hoseok stared at him closely, a faint smile etched on his lips, trying not to show a pity expression to the little boy. Even though Jingu couldn’t see him at the moment, Hoseok had promised himself never to act like he was sorry for him. He didn’t want to make Jingu feels everything he had done was based on compassion alone. No, Hoseok does more than that.
For Hoseok who will turn twenty-seven next year, adopting a four years old child is definitely a big challenge. But Hoseok never take it as something he had to do, something that was his duty. Hoseok did this by choice, because Hoseok wanted to do it. Jingu is not far different—the child also chose him. Fate encountered them together and Hoseok will always keep in mind that Jingu is a grace given to him. A person who is presented to give color to his life. A small gift for him whom he will always be grateful for.
Six months ago, when spring ended and the city started to get much warmer, a boy showed up at the daycare where Hoseok worked. There were no people to be seen dropping by with him—lunch time left most workers paying no attention to the people arriving. The boy kept asking to come in so Hoseok’s co-worker let him in, giving confused look that no one accompanies him to even get to the front door. Fifteen minutes later, they find out that his name is Jingu, without a surname.
“Looks like his parents were so busy that they just left him like this,” said Hoseok’s co-worker who found him. At that time, Jingu wasn’t too focused when asked questions about his home or family. He just busy playing Lego that is provided in there, stay nonchalant until Hoseok offered him banana milk.
Luckily, Jingu was willing to accept it. The boy became much calmer under Hoseok’s supervision, gradually being able to talk and play Lego together with. Until the time daycare was closed, no one picked him up. The day was getting late and Hoseok decided to take him back to his apartment. At first, it is difficult for Jingu to sleep because he is not used to the foreign places. After various attempts, Hoseok managed to make him fall asleep at nearly midnight.
When Hoseok took Jingu to the police station the next day, to find his family and drove him home, Jingu immediately rebelled. “I don’t want to go home!” He exclaimed at that time. “Want to be with Hoseok ahjussi!” His words instantly remind Hoseok of a possibility he hasn’t ever thought of. That Jingu may have been abandoned by his parents.
Canceling his plans to go there, Hoseok finally decided to fully adopt the boy. The stories Jingu later told when he asked about the little boy’s life before meeting him, further convinced Hoseok’s choice. Jingu is hardly ever stay at home. Everyday, he would be in daycare near his house, from morning to evening. During the night, his parents would only give him dinner before telling him to sleep in his own room. At a very young age, Jingu has never felt how warm a family is. The child’s memory only revolves around the daycare where he spent time the most, that reason is also what makes him more comfortable living with Hoseok—Jingu is used to living with a daycare caregiver, not his biological parents.
“Are you sure this is the right choice?”
Questions like that often delivered to Hoseok, especially from his boyfriend. Namjoon was not against it, instead he gave the advices Hoseok needed. The positive and negative effect he will get. The joys and sorrows that he must accept. As well as Namjoon’s promise to help him taking care of Jingu because Hoseok certainly can’t do it all alone. How grateful he is to have Namjoon who always be there for him. The relationship they already established for two years is getting even more intimate since the presence of Jingu between them.
Returning to the present, Hoseok suddenly remembered that he hadn’t had a chance to contact Namjoon since this afternoon. He was not busy in daycare today. Along with Jingu, Hoseok spent his day cleaning the apartment and rearranging things. Something that has become a mandatory routine when national holidays arrive—tomorrow is Christmas so today and the day after tomorrow, the place where he works takes some time off.
“Are you still awake, Namjoon- a?” Hoseok started talking when the waiting tone ended. Namjoon answered from across in a calm voice, showing that he hadn’t fallen asleep yet. He just arrived at his own apartment after having dinner with his family in Ilsan.
“No, just calling. Jingu is asleep so I can talk to you more freely. “
Namjoon’s giggles could be heard from across when he heard that confession. Leaning on the sofa, Hoseok let Namjoon tell him about his occasional dinner. Chuckles and laughters could be heard from them when funny things are mentioned. Namjoon’s story then ended when he suddenly asked, “Tomorrow we will go together, right? With Jingu too, I mean.”
Truthfully, Hoseok almost forgot that one routine of his with Namjoon. Usually, when Christmas comes, Hoseok and Namjoon would go out together. Either ride bus around the town or get away for a moment to the countryside. This year, it seems like their date will be a little different since they are not just spending time by two.
“Jingu said something to me before going to sleep,” Hoseok said later, preparing himself to share Jingu’s story with him. Namjoon was heard asking back— “What is that?” —before Hoseok replied to mimic the spoken sentences of Jingu from one hour ago.
“Jingu likes winter, Joon-a. He said winter is always his favorite time. There are lights, delicious food, and fireworks. Jingu stated, he always wanted to spend the Christmas holidays with his parents—you know what I mean, daycare is closed on the national holiday. Unfortunately, every time Jingu asked his parents about it, they never granted his request. Christmas holiday, said Jingu, is spent by staying at home, like a normal day. He doesn’t even dare to cry because his parents would lock him in the storeroom if he cried when asking for something,” Hoseok paused for a moment, controlling his emotions. He slightly raised his hand to roughly wipe his tears away.
“That kid just wants a simple winter vacation with his family, you know?”
No answer from the other side. Namjoon was silent, apparently also getting emotional when he heard Jingu’s story again. No matter how many times the two of them cursed Jingu’s parents for being arbitrary towards him, it’s totally useless. Jingu now only has the two of them and it is their job to replace the parents position from them who have no feelings for him.
“Hoseok-a.”
A low murmur could be heard by Namjoon as a response. He didn’t continue talking for a few seconds. Until, “It’s late, you better sleep now. Tomorrow I’ll come early in the morning and then the three of us will go on a nice vacation, okay?”
Although he wanted to talk with Namjoon a little longer, Hoseok knew that it is best not to stay up late and drain his energy at the moment. He hadn’t thought of any plans for tomorrow either, so he’d better get up early and organize it properly. A smile appears on his lips as he bid his farewell and wished Namjoon a good night.
:::
Indeed, Namjoon said he would come early in the morning. But Hoseok did not expect the man would arrive in front of his apartment at half past seven in the morning during this cold weather. Jingu already woke up because he was awake to Hoseok busy preparing their breakfast at the kitchen. When Namjoon came in, the boy was watching the morning cartoon series on television.
“Ahjussi! I really miss you, ahjussi! “
Looks like Jingu couldn’t let go of Namjoon and immediately asked to be carried by him. Namjoon quickly followed Hoseok into the kitchen, asking if he can help with anything, but Hoseok only requested him to accompany Jingu watching television while he cooked their breakfast.
“Ahjussi, it’s unusual for you to come so early. Aren’t you working today?” Jingu who was sitting next to Namjoon, suddenly asked to him. The man chuckled as he caressed Jingu’s hair.
“Today ahjussi is not going to work, Jingu-ya. Ahjussi and papa want to take Jingu on walk,” He replied, smiling broadly until his dimples showed. Jingu stared at him, blinking innocently. His round eyes going wider at Namjoon’s words.
“Ahjussi want to take me out for a walk? Where? Quick, tell me,” Jingu was now sulking to him. Namjoon then took something from the bag he was carrying.
“Ta-da! Jingu’s Christmas Vacation Plan with Papa and Ahjussi! “
Apparently, the thing that Namjoon pulled out was a drawing paper. Namjoon deliberately drew their plans with the makeshift colored pens he had so that Jingu was interested and easier to understand it. The boy became more enthusiastic and tried to reach the paper that Namjoon held up high.
“Ahjussi, give it to me! I want to see it too! “
Before Namjoon had time to give it, Hoseok suddenly appeared behind him. “The breakfast is ready,” He said, putting a plate of toast with chocolate jam in it and a glass of milk for Jingu. Namjoon quickly hid the paper again in the bag.
“I’ll give it later. Now let’s have breakfast first, Jingu-ya,” said Namjoon, trying to distract the boy while pointing at his favorite toast. Hoseok took over Jingu while Namjoon is washing his hands.
“You said there were vacation plan?” Hoseok asked after they finished eating their toast. Jingu who sat on his lap nodded his head. Namjoon just grimaced as he showed the paper back.
“I guess it would be better if we went with a plan, right? So, I prepared this,” He replied, now explaining the drawing he made. “First, we will leave papa’s house and go to a nearby park to make a snowman.” Namjoon’s forefinger traced the house and the dotted line leads to a snowman on his map. “Then, from there we will take a bus to Cheonggyecheon and visit the Christmas festival.” His finger moved through the pictures of streets, bus, and various colorful Christmas ornaments. “Finally, at the end of the day, we will have dinner together at papa’s house. All done!”
Jingu’s applause sounded boisterous in the living room of Hoseok’s apartment. “Papa, this seems so fun,” he said, looking hopefully at Hoseok. Apparently, Jingu still doubted that they would really leave today. Hoseok smiled gently at him.
“I think I should add something,” He spoke softly, pointing at Namjoon’s picture. “Before leaving, how about we prepare lunch together? So that, after playing in the snow, we can have lunch together with the meal we brought. Therefore, we leave to see the festival in full tummy,” Hoseok continued. Namjoon shrugged.
“Well, that’s also a good idea. Jingu-ya, are you ready to help papa and ahjussi prepare lunches?” He asked the little one. The boy nodded quickly.
“Yes yes!”
The three of them then left the living room and headed to the kitchen. Hoseok had cooked rice before, now they only need to prepare side dishes and snacks. For Jingu, Hoseok planned to ask him to make snowman-shaped jumeokbap filled with tuna meat together, while Namjoon would cook omurice and egg rolls for the two of them.
“Papa, did I do this right?” Jingu’s voiced out, calling Hoseok who was cutting the nori as properties for the snowman he created. When he aw the results of the rice balls made by his son, Hoseok laughed.
“Jingu-ya, you pressed the rice too hard. Do it like this,” He replied, immediately cupping his hands over Jingu’s and helping him roll their hands around to form rice balls that will become the body of the snowman.
“Well, like this. Now try to do it yourself,” Hoseok gave his son the opportunity to repeat the technique he taught. Jingu started to take the rice that has been mixed with the other ingredients and tried to form the balls himself.
“Is this enough, papa?” He asked again, showing the results back to Hoseok. This time, although not perfectly round, Jingu’s rice balls were looking better than before. Hoseok nodded.
“Yup, it looks better. Now, we arrange them into a snowman.”
On the other side, Namjoon watched them while waiting for his egg to be cooked. Without realizing it, he smiled faintly seeing the two of them doing things together. Hoseok is indeed has personality that is close to the children, as he works in the daycare. However, his closeness to Jingu is clearly different. There is a special attention they give to each other and it is the most beautiful and warm thing Namjoon has ever seen.
“Namjoon-a, are you done?” Hoseok suddenly called him. Namjoon who was arranging his omurice in the lunch box nodded quickly. “I need your help to accompany Jingu playing for a while because I have to cook gamjajeon for our snack. Jingu has already left to the living room, you just have to follow him,” He continued, helping Namjoon put the rolled eggs in the same box. Given such request, Namjoon wouldn’t think twice about refusing.
In the living room, Jingu has been busy playing with his wooden blocks and forming structures on the carpet. “What are you trying to build, Jingu-ya?” Namjoon asked, sitting cross-legged in front of the child while picking up some wood pieces that Jingu didn’t use. The child did not immediately answer and chose to finish the building he arranged. Lately, Jingu really likes to play wooden blocks. Whether in daycare or at home, these toys have always been his favorite. Luckily, Hoseok’s sister has a set of that toy which his son doesn’t use anymore. Previously, he had to always calm Jingu down, everytime he whined when they had to come home from daycare and he get separated with his wooden block toys.
“This is house of papa, Jingu, and ahjussi,” said Jingu later, pointed at the handmade house. Namjoon stared at him in silence. The house may not be perfect but Jingu’s next words completed the tiny building. “I want to live with papa and ahjussi. In this house, we can often play together and ahjussi won’t have to go come and leave anymore.”
As if he understood. Namjoon chuckled. Jingu always says this. The child desperately wanted them to live together, to be one complete family that he should have had. Of course, with different parents than before. Namjoon has also thought about it, several times making it to a topic of conversation with Hoseok. It’s just that, with their current condition, it is not possible to do that. They can raise Jingu together, but getting married is not something that can be done on that basis alone. There are many other considerations.
“Jingu-ya, let’s change your clothes before going,” Hoseok’s voice called out to him. Jingu quickly cleaned up the wooden blocks and followed Hoseok who was waiting for him at the door. “Namjoon ahjussi, please check the lunch boxes and put it in one big bag, okay?” Hoseok said again, bringing Namjoon back to his senses. The man immediately turned his head and exchanged brief smiles at him before getting up from his seat.
:::
The park they headed to was not far from the Hoseok’s apartment building. They only need fifteen minutes of walking and they finally arrive at the grand land which is now covered in snow. Several people were there as well—making snowman, throwing snowballs at each other, or just sitting and chatting on the park bench. Jingu, who became impatient, immediately ran to the middle of the park, loose his hand from Hoseok’s grip.
“Jingu-ya, be careful!” Hoseok called him out, following from behind. Jingu didn’t really pay attention and keept running around. Sometimes, he would stop to crouch down and play with the snow below his feet. Hoseok who followed him could only smile when he saw Jingu enjoying playing with the snow around him. The child’s laughter sounds like Christmas bell to him.
“Do you want to build a snowman~”
Jingu’s who was jumping on the snow suddenly got distracted when he heard Namjoon singing in the distance. Quickly he turned his head and ran to Namjoon, who already piled up snow to make a snowman. “Ahjussi, I want to help!” Jingu exclaimed, following his hand’s movements. Namjoon turned to look at him.
“Can you sing along, too? You know the song, right, Jingu-ya? “
Jingu gave a quick nod. “Yes, yes! Do you want to build a snowman~” He started singing while keep piling the snow, helped by Namjoon who tidied the shape. Hoseok immediately captured the moment with his cellphone from behind.
“Jingu-ya, sing louder!”
With shy laughter, Jingu shook his head. Hoseok knew very well that Jingu actually loves to sing. But outside the house, the child would become extremely shy. Namjoon had heard about it and encouraged him by singing louder.
“Ahjussi, if you sing too loud then people will see,” said Jingu in a small voice, almost whispering to Namjoon who was squatting beside him. The man laughed.
“Jingu-ya, you are so cute,” Namjoon replied with a chuckle. Hoseok, who just crouched down, laughed softly as he adjusted the knit hat that Jingu was wearing.
“Come on, let’s make it bigger together!”
Their snowman finally is done. They are about the size of a Jingu, with eyes, mouth and nose made of gravels and a pair of hands coming from tree branches that scattered around them. Jingu was delighted to see his handwork and wanted to hug it several times, which Hoseok stopped to prevent him damaging it before taking a group photo. With Jingu standing next to the snowman, being embraced by Hoseok, and Namjoon on the other side, they took a photo together with the front camera.
“Jingu-ya, stay still there, papa wants to take a picture of you two,” Hoseok directed Jingu to stand side by side with the snowman they made. There were plenty of photos with them, but Hoseok never missed a moment with Jingu without capturing the boy’s solo picture. Hoseok wanted to save Jingu’s childhood memories well, so that the two of them can reminisce them until Jingu grown up.
“Papa, I’m holding Noonie’s hand,” said Jingu in the middle of his photo session, his right hand gripping the tree branch on the left side of the snowman. He slightly waved his hand, as if they were holding hands. Hoseok who saw it only smiled and immediately changed his phone to video mode.
“Noonie? Is that the snowman’s name? “
Jingu nodded enthusiastically. “Can Jingu tell papa how he made Noonie?” Hoseok asked, provoking the boy to talk more in the video. Seemed like Jingu was not aware that he is being recorded, so his chatter were flowing non-stop. Namjoon crouching beside Hoseok, they exchanged a smiles while watching Jingu with fond eyes .
“Papa, let’s walk again and look over there.”
Music that played from afar suddenly distracted Jingu. He has started to forget about his Noonie. Hoseok knew that Jingu is very sensitive to music and always asks to play a song when they are doing somethig together at home. He then took the child’s hand and guided him to walk towards the source of the sound which he expected was the location of the ice rink. Near this park, there is an ice skating rink that often plays music to entertain visitors.
“I think Jingu is enjoying this vacation,” Namjoon finally spoke to Hoseok, after a few minutes before they had only briefly talked about Jingu. Turning his head to the child he was holding, Hoseok just nodded.
“Thank you for preparing this plan. I know you didn’t get enough sleep last night,” He replied, slightly joking. Namjoon chuckled. It is true. After told Hoseok to sleep early, instead of doing the same, Namjoon was busy looking for activities that can be done in the family during this holiday. They only spend very little time together, so this is one of Namjoon’s attempts to build a more intimate relationship between the three of them.
When they reached the ice rink area, Hoseok didn’t take any further steps. He was worried that Jingu might slip, so they just watched from the afar. Jingu wanted to get wide view of the ice rink, so he asked Namjoon to carry him. Of course his ahjussi responded quickly.
“I know this song, papa often plays it. He said this song reminds papa to ahjussi,” Jingu said when the song Namjoon recognized as the first song he gave to Hoseok after they started dating, is played from the speaker. Exchanging playlists is one of the habits they often do since they were friends and even now. Namjoon could see Hoseok getting flustered by his side, his cheeks turned very red.
“Nice song, right?” Namjoon asked Jingu back and they started humming the song together. Hoseok felt totally heartwarming looking at their closeness. He scooted closer, leaning his head on Namjoon’s shoulder as they watched the skaters going around. Hoseok really hoped that a day like this would not only come once or twice at a time. Jingu has started to open up and is no longer awkward with Namjoon, there should be no more blocks that restrain for them to become a complete family.
Just as the song finished playing, Jingu suddenly started whining. The boy seemed to already feeling hungry—they had missed their lunch time a little because watching the skaters. Hoseok quickly took Jingu from Namjoon, calmed him down as he lead them to a nearby bench with a joint table. Namjoon cleared the remnants of snow on the table while Hoseok prepared their lunchbox from the large bag he brought with him.
“This is your handmade, Jingu-ya?” Namjoon asked as he took one jumeokbap from Jingu’s lunchbox. The boy was calmer now and ate his lunch with much pleasure. He nodded at Namjoon’s question and told him to try the jumeokbap.
“At home, when helping papa cook, I always give papa a little piece of my cooking. Then, papa would gave me his cooking too. Now I want to give it to ahjussi,” Jingu explained aloud. Namjoon was glad to hear that. He knew Jingu likes to chatter, maybe he really brought this habit inside him and adopted it back from his now father. Hoseok raised him well and Jingu grew up to be a polite boy even though he hadn’t entered kindergarten yet. Namjoon thanked the boy and praised his jumeokbap sincerely, bringing a big smile in Jingu’s face.
After finishing their respective meals, the three of them sat down for a moment. Jingu hadn’t run out of energy, smoothly answered Namjoon’s various questions about his daily life. Occasionally Hoseok would help him, causing laughter to emerge between the three of them when Jingu has trouble remembering something and chose to laugh to cover it up. When Jingu talked about his experience in daycare with his friends, Hoseok just looked at him. Let Namjoon replied to whatever the boys was saying. Sometimes, things like this raise questions in Hoseok’s mind. About Jingu and everything about him. A child who is sociable, friendly, enjoying learning new things, and always helpful. About his biological parents who should be very sorry for releasing Jingu to him.
However, all of that is just the past. Hoseok was certainly happy with how they are right now. If one day Jingu’s parents came and wanted to take him back, he surely wouldn’t do it.
“We have to hurry up before it gets late. Are you ready?”
Namjoon’s voice jolted Hoseok out of his reverie. He grimaced. “Of course! Do you want to walk with Jingu? I think he’s stuck with you more today,” Hoseok said, gesturing his chin at Jingu who had moved to sit beside Namjoon. The younger man chuckled.
“I’ll carry him.”
They left the table after tidying up all their belongings and walked to the nearest bus stop. Next is the Christmas festival in Cheonggyecheon. Jingu mentioned the festival several times when the advertisement passes on television, so Hoseok couldn’t wait to show him various things there.
:::
To get to the festival which is located around the river, they had to take a bus and a little walk to the nearest bus stop. Jingu had asked to be dropped off as soon as they reached the stop, saying that he wanted to get on the bus by himself and sit by the window. When he went with Hoseok several times before, the boy really liked the sitting position where he could see the city from inside the vehicle—in other words, beside the window. Hoseok sat beside him, while Namjoon took place on the opposite side.
“I saw there were lots of lights, Santa Claus too, and a huge Christmas tree,” Jingu told Namjoon everything he knew about the festival. The man nodded listening to his explanation. Hoseok also added that Jingu really likes the statues and the light installations there. He then asked Jingu to name the installations in there based on what he saw on television. Jingu—with Hoseok’s help—excitedly mentioned the objects he managed to remember from the advertisement.
Jingu’s words regarding the festival were completely true. Namjoon already knew it, but seeing Jingu enthusiastically running and pulling Hoseok towards the lights around him makes the smile on his face never fade away. They took Jingu around, introduced him to this and that. Nutcracker figurines, glowing Santa Elk deer, artificial ginger ale, and other Christmas ornaments decorated in lights. The twinkling colors that had not yet fully glowed because the day was still bright did not diminish the astonished expression Jingu was showing at this moment.
“Papa, look! There is Santa Claus!”
Christmas Day apparently invited the figure of a person wearing a red costume and a matched large pocket beside him to attend the festival. His white beard looked fake, but children who came to him to shake hands and asked for gifts seem to ignore it. They greeted the man in the Santa costume cheerfully, having him to talk, some were embarrassed to come because their parents persuaded them to get closer. Jingu certainly didn’t want to miss it, so he immediately ran towards the man, leaving Hoseok who accidentaly loosened their hand holding a little because he was looking at his photo with Jingu on Namjoon’s cellphone.
“I’ll upload this photo later eh, Jingu-ya?!”
Panic immediately enveloped Hoseok. His face turned pale, cursing words rang to himself inwardly as he unintentionally let Jingu go. “Jingu-ya!” Hoseok started calling, walking briskly through the crowds around them. Namjoon who got the situation immediately put the cellphone back in his coat pocket and followed Hoseok.
“Jingu-ya!” called Namjoon, his eyes looking around intently, trying to find the silhouette of the little boy with the purple jacket. Namjoon’s feet tiptoed, a little effort of him to make his wide his sight. He and Hoseok never stopped calling Jingu.
“Namjoon-a, how is this? I-it is my fault for being neglectful earlier,” Hoseok said, pausing for a moment and rubbing his face roughly. His eyes were watering right now and he nearly crying. Regret was clearly visible on his face. Namjoon also felt guilty because they were too focused on their own bussiness and forget about their child.
“Don’t worry, we will find him soon,” Namjoon tried to calm Hoseok down, takes off the gloves he was wearing and wiped the tears on his boyfriend’s cheeks until they disappear completely. “Keep calm, okay? He couldn’t be far from here. Maybe Jingu found something that caught his eye and followed it to find out—”
“What if it’s someone else? A stranger?”
“Hoseok-a,” Now Namjoon gripped Hoseok’s hands tightly, his gaze didn’t leave Hoseok for a second. Inevitably, the older raised his head. “Jingu isn’t that kind of kid, remember? I’m sure he’s smart enough not to follow strangers. Now, calm yourself first, then we’ll look for Jingu again.”
Hoseok gave a weak nod. He closed his eyes, then took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. Think clearly. He needed a calm mind and heart to continue his search.
After Hoseok felt better, he suddenly heard something passed beside them. “Mother, come see Santa Claus again, I haven’t had time to ask for candy!” A little girl who was about as old as Jingu, whined to her mother. The child passed them with her mother who told her they must go home now to prepare dinner. No more Santa Claus.
“Jingu likes Santa Claus.”
Realizing to this fact, Hoseok immediately throw his gaze to the direction the little girl was coming from. Namjoon followed his eyes and, it certainly is sure. Away on the corner, a Santa Claus was seen surrounded by children. Hoseok ran towards him. Namjoon hurried behind, putting his gloves back on.
“Jingu-ya!” Hoseok kept trying to call him. Santa Claus who was giving gifts from the big bag beside him spontaneously stopped his movements. He raised his eyebrows at Hoseok and Namjoon, who are panting towards him. Before he had time to ask what was going on, a child in a red knit hat and purple jacket suddenly appeared from his left side.
“Papa!”
Responding to Hoseok’s call, Jingu, who had been beside Santa Claus all this time, then walked quickly to his father. Hoseok crouched down and gave him a close hug, saying many apologies to his only child. The Santa Claus stared them closely, Namjoon giving him a slight bow.
“It’s nice to see you guys meet again. This kid was walking alone and I decided to gave him candy so he wouldn’t go away. I knew he must have been separated from his parents,” said the Santa Claus, giving his typical laugh at the end of the sentence. Hoseok looked up at him and giving a thanks.
“Thank you for looking after our Jingu, Santa-nim,” said Namjoon, this time bowing deeper with Hoseok by his side. The Santa Claus was young, so he just smiled back until his eyes narrowed and said that this was no big deal and he’d been working on it a lot. As a form of pleasure because he managed to bring them back together, the Santa Claus then gave Namjoon and Hoseok two packs of chocolate while kept reminding them to pay more attention to Jingu. They said many thanks and apologies for bothering the man before walking away.
“Jingu-ya, I’m sorry. After this papa promise not to let you go again.”
Instead of answering Hoseok’s statement, Jingu, just shook his head while still eating the candy Santa gave him earlier. His other hand was holding Hoseok’s hand tightly,. “It’s okay, papa. I’m a big boy who can walk there myself. Earlier Santa Claus said, don’t go away, I will give you more candy, so I just stay there,” He said lightly, now staring at Hoseok with his innocent expression. Hoseok wiped the remnants of his tears with a chuckle.
“Thank God you’re fine, Jingu-ya. We are very worried,” Namjoon added. Jingu turned to them with a frown.
“I’m a big boy, ahjussi. I won’t be not okay,” He replied, pouting his lips a little. Namjoon and Hoseok couldn’t help but laugh when they saw Jingu’s exasperated behavior. As if the problem had disappeared and evaporated. Jingu had returned to their side and he didn’t seem to mind that much. They continue their walk with Namjoon and Hoseok who are by Jingu’s side, stop occasionally to look at the items that were being sold at the small stalls along the way. Namjoon bought the knitting scarf from an old woman for the three of them because the weather suddenly grew colder.
“Jingu-ya, let’s take a look at that big Christmas tree!”
Now, Jingu is in Namjoon’s hand. Hoseok let the man do it after putting the same patterned scarf on all of them. With these matching clothes, people might think they were a small family who was spending time together. Hoseok didn’t mind that thought. He is sure, Namjoon, who was currently answering Jingu’s question about how people put lights on the big tree they are aiming for, would certainly think the same thing.
When they arrived in front of the imitation tree with more than five meters in height, many people had already gathered there. Some took pictures, others just come to see and admire its beauty. Jingu was just the same. He looked at every single lamp with sparkling eyes and hanging jaw. Namjoon knew right away that Jingu was completely blown away by the beauty of this huge tree by watching him only.
“Ahjussi,” Suddenly Jingu called him out. Namjoon turned his head to find Jingu moving his hand as a signal for him to come closer. Crouching down, Namjoon listened intently to what the boy whispered to him next.
“I also want to be like that star up there, so papa can keep smiling,” said Jingu in a small voice, right next to Namjoon’s ear. Frowning, Namjoon almost asked what the little guy meant, when he unintentionally caught the expression of Hoseok who was now admiring the Christmas tree. The older man smiled, his eyes were shining under the lights of the Christmas tree in front of them. Hoseok seemed to be fascinated with the objects in front of him, especially the big star at the top of the tree. His head raised up and his gaze fixed on the golden yellow thing. Not realizing a bit that Jingu and Namjoon were exchanging secret talks.
“Jingu wants to be someone who makes papa smile like that?” Namjoon asked, slowly and carefully. Jingu agreed with a quick nod. Being given this response, Namjoon smiled then caressed the boy’s head gently.
“You can do it, Jingu-ya. Jingu is a smart and kind child, right? Jingu can definitely make papa smile, sooner or later,” He added, giving a reassuring smile to Jingu who looked back with seriousness in his face. Sometimes, Namjoon feels that Jingu is too mature for his age. He had an unpleasant experience that forced him to think this way at a young age. But Hoseok’s extraordinary nurture can polish it for the better. No wonder Jingu wants to keep the happy expression on his father’s face forever as a form of gratitude.
“I will do it! Ahjussi too, okay? Come on, let’s do pinky promise,” Jingu said later, reminding Namjoon that he had the same task. That even Namjoon has the responsibility not to make Hoseok lose his smile, to be the person behind that smile. He smiled warmly back at Jingu and stretched out his hand. Linking their pinky finger together.
:::
The day was getting late. After taking lots of photos and walking around, Jingu started to feel tired. Namjoon took over, guided Jingu to sit at the bus stop while waiting for Hoseok to buy some of the ingredients he needed for the dinner. Jingu seemed to be very tired because the kid almost fell asleep beside Namjoon now.
“Jingu-ya, want to see cartoon videos on Youtube?” Namjoon asked, looking at Jingu who already stare at his feet boredly, at his boots that hanging off the edge of the bench. The boy shook his head and gave a big yawn. Namjoon sighed and pulled Jingu closer, letting him lean to his side. “You get bored quickly when going shopping with papa, am I right?”
Jingu gave a nod, his eyes closed. “Do not like. Papa also rarely buys toys that are there,” He replied in low voice. Namjoon knew it. That Jingu’s papa could not spend money on this and that so often. For Hoseok, his priority right now is saving for Jingu’s education. They have discussed it before, Namjoon understands the situation. Jingu’s toys now are dominated by the giving from his aunt. In other hand, Hoseok chose to buy many clothes for him. However, Namjoon never saw Jingu sulks. He is used to his biological parents who never granted his wishes. When Hoseok reluctantly had to say no at Jingu’s request for something, he accepted without saying much.
For this reason, Namjoon and Hoseok had already prepared something. At the house earlier, Hoseok mentioned a plan to him. Jingu wasn’t in the kitchen that time, so Hoseok quickly explained his want. Namjoon eventually agreed and helped a bit to make Hoseok’s plan runs smoothly .
“Papa took so long,” said Jingu then, pulling away from Namjoon and stretching his body. He yawned again. Namjoon felt bad for the little boy.
“On the way home later, Jingu should be carried by the ahjussi, okay?” He offered, and Jingu just nodded without saying anything. They fell silent again. The atmosphere around was getting quiet when Hoseok arrived with big bags filled with his groceries.
“Sorry you guys have to wait so long,” Hoseok let out a deep breath. “The queue was very long because many people came. I think people prefer to have dinner at home tonight,” He added, shaking his head. He then turned to Jingu who was already asleep in Namjoon’s arms. Hoseok smiled weakly at him.
“Jingu seems very tired,” He said to Namjoon, who nodded back to the man. He then tried to carefully move Jingu and carry him in a more comfortable position. They then continued their way home by bus again.
Fortunately, Jingu woke up when they reached Hoseok’s apartment. While the father and son took a bath together, Namjoon quickly kept a special item that Hoseok bought especially for Jingu. After that, it was his turn to wash himself. Hoseok was busy cooking dinner in the kitchen, so he asked Namjoon to accompany Jingu watch the cartoon series on television after finishing his shower. From what he heard, Jingu was still able to tell the cartoon stories they had watched properly, even though the boy seemed tired after today’s vacation. Hoseok smiled lightly at the two of them. He could catch Namjoon pretended to be a villain in the cartoon and Jingu fought him off playfully. Their laughter were echoing through Hoseok’s small apartment room.
“Jingu-ya, Namjoon ahjussi, dinner is ready.”
The warm dinner menu today was chicken soup. Jingu ate heartily, this menu was his favorite. Namjoon and Hoseok exchange short chats about today’s activities with Jingu occasionally chiming in when there is something he understood. Hoseok also had uploaded some of their best photos to social media, wanting to show this rare moment of togetherness to the world.
“Jingu-ya, are you happy with today’s activities?” Hoseok asked after their meal was finished. Jingu in his chair nodded quickly. He recounted his favorite moments, from making Noonie to meeting the kindhearted Santa. Hoseok smiled and caressed his hair when Jingu was done telling the story. He then exchanged glances with Namjoon.
“Ahjussi still has one more surprise for Jingu,” said Namjoon, showing a mysterious smile that caught the boy’s attention. Jingu’s eye widened and he immediately asked, impatient for another surprise as a sign for him that the day wasn’t quite over. Hoseok chuckled and left his chair, turning to one of the compartments on the upper wall of the kitchen. From inside, he took out a large box wrapped in blue paper with an airplane pattern. Jingu looked at him in confusion and surprise.
“Papa, what is it?”
“This is for Jingu,” said Hoseok, handing the box to Jingu as he sat back beside him. The boy accepted Hoseok’s gift hesitantly. His eyes turn to Hoseok and Namjoon, alternatively.
“Papa and ahjussi bought this for me?”
The two adults in question only nodded with fond expressions. “Jingu had been a good boy, and Christmas would be incomplete without gifts, right? So papa and ahjussi bought this for Jingu,” said Hoseok, cupping his son’s left cheek gently. “You can open it now,” He continued again, encouraging Jingu to open the gift. The little boy obeyed and opened it carefully. When he found out what was inside, Jingu immediately exclaimed with a beaming face.
“Lego! Papa, I really want to have this!” He looked up at Hoseok and Namjoon, a big smile never leave his face. ”Thank you so much!” Jingu exclaimed, putting his new Lego box on the table and then getting out of the chair to give Hoseok a tight hug. Not to leave out, he also walked around and did the same to Namjoon.
“Does Jingu like it?” Namjoon asked as the boy had admired his lego back. Jingu nodded quickly. Of course he liked it. In daycare, Jingu always plays lego and wooden blocks. When Hoseok had to separate him from his favorite toys, Jingu always whining. Fortunately, he can still play with his wooden blocks at home. Hoseok could tell that Jingu was really into crafting games, so his choice to buy Lego was exactly the right one. He wanted Jingu to be more creative in playing while improving his motor skills.
“I really like this! Papa, ahjussi, let’s make a house together!”
Apparently, Jingu wanted to try his new toy as soon as possible. He went straight to the living room, sat on the carpet and unpacked the contents of his lego. Namjoon and Hoseok caught up with him, joining in on arranging the small parts one by one according to Jingu’s words. Some moment, Jingu would scold Namjoon for putting his lego color wrong and Hoseok would laugh seeing them arguing slightly about the colors that will be used. Little by little, their building was almost ready. Namjoon and Jingu together build the taller section, while Hoseok linked together green Lego pieces to form the courtyard in front of their tiny house.
The result, was quite satisfying. Lego house of theirs have a roof of red, yellow walls, windows and doors colored in blue, and green lawn spreaded in front of it. Jingu clapped his hands, observing their creation. ”Papa, this is great!” He beamed at Hoseok, who is also pleased with the end result. Namjoon was also happy to see it, and he really wanted to stay here longer. However, it was getting late. Namjoon must come home now.
“Ahjussi, don’t go home,” said Jingu when Namjoon started saying goodbye to them. He then turned to the him. “This house is also ahjussi’s house because we made them together. If we have this house, ahjussi don’t need to go back to ahjussi’s house anymore,” Jingu added, pointing to the house they had just built. Namjoon didn’t flinch. Jingu said that again. The boy didn’t want to part with him so quickly, he guessed.
“Tonight, just stay. We can sleep together again,” Jingu started to approach him, holding his hand so he wouldn’t leave. Hoseok chuckled weakly and tried to get Jingu back.
“Jingu-ya, ahjussi must go home. This isn’t his—”
“Do not want! I want to sleep with ahjussi tonight!”
Instead of listening to Hoseok, Jingu scooted closer to Namjoon, hugging his legs. He shook his head quickly. Namjoon grimaced and scratched the back of his neck. His eyes exchanged glances with Hoseok’s. Shrugging his shoulder, Hoseok just sighed. Jingu always becoming stubborn when it comes to Namjoon going home and leave them. Ever since Namjoon had stayed over and told him story before going to bed, Jingu often asked him not to come home and sleep with him again.
“I think we have no other choice,” said Namjoon. Hoseok didn’t mind. To be honest, he was also contented with Namjoon’s presence in his apartment. Namjoon then asked Jingu to get off his feet and helped him moving their lego building to the corner of the room. Hoseok cleared up the remainings. Then, they went together to the bathroom to brush their teeth before going to bed.
“Today ahjussi want to tell what story?”
The question was voiced by Jingu when they got under the thick blanket. Namjoon and Hoseok were lying on either side. The room lights had been turned off and only the nightstand lights were on. There was a moment of silence because Namjoon was thinking about the story he was going to tell tonight.
“What about a pirate and a child who never grows up?”
When he heard it for the first time, Jingu didn’t understand. But the opening line of Namjoon’s story drew him to hear more. Hoseok faced him, listening along with occasional yawn. Namjoon told the story seriously, his hands moving to describe the scene. Jingu listened attentively. Near the climax of the story, he began to feel sleepy and eventually fell asleep when Namjoon was explaining the action fight between the pirates and the little kid. The man then looked at him with a smile.
“Good night, Jingu-ya,” He whispered, moving slightly to get a better look at Jingu. The child was now lying facing him, sleeping soundly. Jingu—just like the nights before—was fast in going asleep with the help of his story. He stared at Jingu for a long time before turning his gaze to Hoseok.
“I’m glad I spent more time with Jingu today,” He says quietly, looking closely at Hoseok. The single father nodded at him, thanking him back for giving Jingu new happiness. That kid would definitely never forget this moment in his life. After knowing winter holiday at home only for a long time, Jingu was finally be able to enjoy his day off with great joy this year.
“Thank you, too, for being a good father to Jingu. You did really well,” Namjoon added, his right hand slightly raised to caress Hoseok’s cheek in a small circle with his thumb. He must be tired, taking care of Jingu alone. Even though Namjoon helps him out sometimes, Hoseok is still the only person responsible for Jingu’s situation in overall. He nodded at Namjoon, closed his eyes to enjoy the soft touch of his hand.
“I also want to be a good father for him, you know?”
Hearing Namjoon spoke like that, Hoseok suddenly opened his eyes again. He looked at Namjoon, searching for something in his eyes, but Hoseok only found sincerity and determination in there. Hoseok almost cried at that moment, but he held himself back and closed his eyes. This is the first time Namjoon had the courage to say that he intends to become a father figure to Jingu. All this time, Hoseok still felt the doubt in his every action, even Namjoon’s words always seemed to be shrouded in anxiety when talking to him. Today, he saw Namjoon trying to get closer to Jingu, even preparing a plan to their day off carefully. Namjoon succesfully managed to carry out his father figure well, much better than before. Hoseok now understood what it all means.
However, the step towards a more serious relationship level than now was certainly not something that can be decided quickly. There are many considerations, and this one progression from Namjoon was enough to make Hoseok feel glad. Even though he knew, there was a long time ahead for him to fully achieve his wish. Hoseok’s hand then moved to cover Namjoon’s hand on his cheek. The corners of his lips lifted as his eyelids opened and his gaze met Namjoon’s.
“When it’s the time, Namjoon-a. I’m sure you can do it,” Hoseok said, caressing Namjoon’s finger on his cheek. “As Jingu said earlier. Living together, being a whole family—Jingu and I will wait patiently until the time comes,” He added, staring at Namjoon who was stay still in his position. Hoseok smiled, his hand now was moving Namjoon’s so that they could intertwine their fingers together. Squeezing it a little to transfer his calm feelings—Hoseok understood that Namjoon was quite nervous right now.
“There’s no need to rush.”
That one sentence ended their conversion. Hoseok started to close his eyes. Namjoon also didn’t continue to say anything. The younger stared at him for a long time before releasing their fingers. Only for a moment, to adjust the position of the blanket to cover the three of them properly. He then moved his hand back, covered Jingu and Hoseok under his arms.
They slept soundly that night. The warm blankets protected the three of them from the weather that was getting colder as the snow started falling again at the outside. A day that brought happiness to Jingu, finished peacefully.
.
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-fin