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leo watches as fiat takes armfuls of squismallows from his bed and drops them onto the floor.
“do you ever think you might have too many?” he asks when his boyfriend has finally managed to relocate the mountain.
fiat scoffs looking borderline offended as he grabs his hand and pulls him onto the bed with him. “no,” he moves leo around, and he goes pliantly (used to it at this point in their relationship) as the shorter gets situated. after a minute or so of situating them, fiat seems content with his head pillowed on his chest and their arms wrapped around each other. “because i still don’t have enough to make it feel like i’m cuddling you at night.”
it’s a throwaway comment, one that fiat doesn’t think twice about as after he says it he quickly descends into thinking out loud about what movie they should watch. leo let’s him choose, like he usually does, because most of the time leo’s too focused on fiat to pay attention. the way he fidgets around quite a bit before leo grasps his waist and squeezes, the way his fingers make their way to his necklace and plays with it unconsciously, the way fiat will fall asleep almost guaranteed if leo starts playing with his hair. but today, leo can’t stop thinking about the comment.
before they got together, fiat basically lived at leo’s house. and it was like that for years, what with fiat constantly being either kicked out or running away. it’s not a secret to anyone that they have some separation anxiety, so as much as leo would love for that to become a permanent thing, they’d realized that if they wanted a healthy relationship they needed at least a few nights away from each other during the week. they both knew leo would give in and get them their own apartment either next semester or next school year, but until then it was splitting the week between leo’s house and his dorm for fiat.
the separation is something they both needed and they’ll admit that, but the nights specifically have been troublesome for fiat, unfortunately due to his home life as a child, and leo knows that. he knows he’s the only one who can soothe his stubborn boyfriend, and that the dark circles under his eyes were apart of that. what leo didn’t know was why fiat started collecting squishmallows. he didn’t think it was odd at first as fiat has loved plushies since they were kids as he remembers him having a dog or a cat in the bits and pieces of the few fading memories he has at fiat’s house, but then they started overtaking his bed and leo had to start thinking twice.
after a revelation like that he can’t leave his boyfriend for the night, so they end up crammed in fiat’s twin bed and leo practically breaks his back on the god awful dorm mattress. but the back pain the next day will be worth it when fiat’s out like a light at 11:30 pm and sleeps soundly until the next morning.
•••
fiat’s in the shower when leo takes a picture of all of his squishmallows. after they’d gotten up for the day fiat rearranged them back on his bed which left them all spread out in perfect view for leo to take a photo.
“fiat,” leo draws out in his commanding voice in between kisses. “fiat, i have to-“ another kiss. “go.” they’re standing at the door, backpacks and shoes on.
fiat ignores him at least for a few more seconds before pulling away with a pout on his face, his arms still wrapped tightly around the tallers neck. “don’t want you to leave.”
“i know, princess.” leo’s voice slips back into the quiet, soft one, only reserved for fiat. “i’ll see you after class, i always do. we’ll go back to mine before practice, okay?”
fiat finally gives in, pushing himself away from leo with a grin. “okay. love you the most.” leo drops a kiss on his forehead and returns the words before they open the door and head out.
leo goes to class, but he’s not actually mentally in class. instead, he has his laptop out searching for the perfect squishmallow. he’s using the photo as a reference for ones his boyfriend already has but it’s just not working, leo doesn’t even really know what he’s looking for.
“dude.”
leo blinks a few times at the sudden noise, noticing one of his teammates in his peripheral. class ended a little bit ago, but even on his way to the library leo was scrolling amazon looking at squishmallows.
“hey rick,” he says, eyes not leaving the computer screen where he’s currently looking at a group of four squishmallows that look like fruit. “what’s up?”
“what’s up? i think i should be asking you that.” rick carelessly tosses his bag onto the table with a thump and sits next to leo. “why’re you looking at stuffed animals?”
leo sighs, tearing himself away from the screen to face rick. “i’m looking for a squishmallow for fiat.”
“oh yeah, he is into those lately, huh?”
“yeah. he’s been having trouble sleeping, so i was hoping to find him one that has a me vibe. i just don’t even really know what i’m looking for.”
rick cracks a smile, stifling a laugh. leo rolls his eyes and doesn’t hesitate to smack him on the back of the head.
“shut up.”
“woah, woah, damn! i’m sorry, i’m sorry!,” rick whines, hand flying up to rub over where leo had hit.
he smirks and turns back to the computer, scrolling down the page.
“forgot you’re an asshole when it comes to your boyfriend.”
“if you’re not gunna help, fuck off.”
“fine, fine! are you asking me what animal you look like?” rick puts his arms on the table and rests his head on them.
leo stops scrolling, staring blankly at a dragon squishmallow. does he even look like an animal? i guess that should’ve been his first question, but will fiat think he looks like the same animal rick does? before he gets the chance to voice these concerns, rick starts speaking.
“because i think you look like a dog-“
“are we saying what animals we look like? rick’s a seal.”
both leo and rick’s heads snap towards the end of the library table where ohm is standing. “and leo is a rhino.”
leo groans.
•••
that night after practice, leo makes up an excuse about why he can’t hang out with fiat. it was hard enough to say no to fiat before they started dating when it was just pouts and whines, but now that they’re dating, his minx of a boyfriend added kisses into the mix. needless to say, leo uses every last bit of willpower he has to not clear his schedule for the night when those gorgeous lips linger on his. before he goes, fiat insists on a long hug. “i need to recharge,” he says.
“okay, princess.”
leo spends hours looking for the right squishmallow for fiat but comes up short. he can’t see himself in any of these and eventually gets frustrated. eleven turns to midnight and leo has to haul ass to finish his assignments before falling asleep in the early morning.
that’s how he spends the rest of their separation nights; search, study, rinse and repeat.
by the time wednesday rolls around, leo is in need of a good night's rest and fiat is going to make sure he gets it.
“you weren’t lying when you said you had a lot of assignments.” fiat says as he walks into leo’s room, dropping 3 squishmallows on the bed.
leo looks up from his book. “did you seriously walk across campus with those things?”
“those things are my friends!” his boyfriend pouts, getting in bed and climbing into leo’s lap.
“oh yeah?”
“yeah.”
leo grabs his bookmark from the side table and puts it in his book, closing it and setting it down. fiat rolls his eyes as he watches, and leo knows it’s because he likes to dog ear his own books. once the book is in a safe place, leo wraps his hands around the shorters waist. “show me.”
“what?”
“show me your squishmallows, what’re your friends names?”
fiat blinks, almost caught off guard by his boyfriends request. he’s never seemed interested in his plushies before, mostly just shoved them off the bed from time to time. nevertheless, fiat reaches back and pulls them to sit by the pillows.
“these are my favorites,” he starts, picking up a gray cat and holding it between them. “this one is babble-“
“because of your old cat, babble.” leo finishes his sentence, a small smile tugging at his lips.
when they were kids, before him and his parents started fighting, fiat had a gray cat named babble. they’d adopted babble from a shelter as an adult, probably around 6 or 7, so when the cat died around 5 years later when fiat was 11, leo held him through the pain.
“yeah,” fiat smiles back, setting babble down on the bed again. he does the same with the next one. “this one is salem.”
“salem?”
“it’s a bat, babe!”
leo smiles, “oh, yeah that makes sense. why is it one of your favorites?”
“it’s one of the best to hug,” he demonstrates by doing just that as if it was obvious. “you try.”
leo takes the thing into his hands, staring down at it. gingerly, he puts it to his chest and awkwardly squeezes. huh, his boyfriend was right. fiat looks at him with sparkly eyes and a satisfied smile, and he allows the shorter to laugh all he wants.
they move onto the last one, a hamster he’s named humphrey. “his description says he likes to play basketball.”
“i’ve never actually seen you sleep with them.” leo comments once they’d gone over all the toys.
“because i only sleep with them when you’re not around, you idiot.” he quips, slipping out of his boyfriend’s lap.
fiat starts rearranging the three squishmallows. “so this one goes here like a pillow,” he puts the big gray cat, bigger than the other two, tucked underneath his head. “humphrey goes behind my back, and i hold salem like this.”
leo watches him sprawl out on the bed with a fond smile, and fiat looks back with the same sparkly eyes, but his lips now in a smirk.
“i think we should have them face the wall.” he says and sits up, he lightly tosses them onto the floor with care, making sure they’re not faced towards the bed.
“what? why?”
“because i want to make out with you, duh.” fiat says, his voice innocent but laced with teasing. “and i don’t want to scar them.”
leo laughs lowly and obeys, crawling on top of his boyfriend and kissing him. it doesn’t last long though or heat up into something unbearably hot, just simmers on low as they kiss for comfort and affection and feeling nice. afterward, they wrap up in each other and the blankets and leo fixes his sleep schedule.
•••
for the next 3 days leo has to do his squishmallow search during daylight hours. he trims the browsing time down so it doesn’t consume his breaks where he should be doing work, but it really doesn’t matter when he still has no idea what he’s looking for or even where to look. these things are in popular demand, and it’s not like money’s an issue (especially not when it’s for fiat), but he doesn’t want to overspend and end up with a knockoff or something else entirely from a sketchy website. so it’s an aimless search, but it’s not entirely a bust. he finds a werewolf one from this year's halloween collection that looks kind of like him that he ends up passing because “kind of'' isn't exactly special, there’s a sea otter named joanne that leo thinks looks like fiat that he bookmarks for later, and a black dog wearing a bandana with a similar pattern to one of his shirts that’s ultimately left behind because all his friends agree it has no essence of leo.
•••
on friday, leo takes fiat to the doctor for a checkup.
“looks like you’re all healed up, kid.” p’type says after a thorough round of examining his knee.
fiat’s eyes light up, and leo smiles from the guest chair. “enough to participate in a full practice?”
“definitely,” the elder is writing something down, eyes trained on his clipboard.
“no more physical therapy, either?”
“no more physical therapy.” fiat smiles a little wider, he’s happy. leo savors the look and promises himself
to keep that smile around all day. “so, was surgery worth it after all?”
“if you’re fishing for a “you're right”, p’type, you’re not gunna get it.”
p’type looks up from his clipboard to glare at the younger, causing leo to stifle a laugh. “brat, i wouldn’t expect one from you.”
after fiat learned that the elder was in a relationship, he quickly backed off from him. maybe at first leo was wary, jealous that he had fiat’s attention, but he immediately warmed up upon finding out that type was the one who ultimately convinced fiat to talk to him. without type, fiat would never have realized his sleeping around was preventing leo from admitting his feelings and they wouldn’t be together today.
that’s probably why later, when fiat’s in the bathroom and leo’s scrolling amazon as he waits, type leaning over his shoulder doesn’t bother him.
“are you looking at plushies?”
“it’s for fiat.”
“huh, didn’t expect that one.”
leo almost let’s him walk away when he realizes that advice from someone older might be able to help, so he strains his neck to look at him. “actually, p’type, could you help-“
“no.”
leo stares at him blankly, not one for whys, until type gives in.
“i’m not the romantic in the relationship,”
oh, leo nods, that makes total sense. he turns back to his phone ready to continue alone when type speaks again.
“but that was my last appointment and tharn’s on his way to pick me up if you want to ask him.” type offers with kind eyes and a metaphorical olive branch, but leo declines. he just wanted to ask type what animal he thinks he looks like, he doesn’t need to bother his boyfriend with something so trivial.
“i hope this isn’t a one time offer though, i might need some advice from a married couple down the road.”
type rolls his eyes. “oh, you’ll definitely need it with that one.” he turns his gaze towards fiat who's approaching them. leo cracks a smile, p’type would know. “by the way, are you two coming to the wedding?”
“of course we’re coming p’type,” fiat answers for him when he reaches them. leo stands to properly face the elder, slipping an arm around his boyfriend's waist. “i told leo to rsvp a few weeks ago.”
oh, leo was supposed to do that. he meant to do it when he finished a term paper but by then he was already occupied with the squishmallow situation.
“i’ll do it when we get home.” leo confirms, mainly so fiat stops glaring at him. “thank you, p’type.”
“yeah, thank you, p’type. we’ll go first. tell p’tharn we said hi!”
type nods and waves at them.
•••
leo continues his search, his screentime rising significantly as days go by. but no matter how many amazon or ebay pages he scrolls, he just doesn’t know which one would soothe fiat the most.
the following tuesday is a separation day, which correlates with his schedule perfectly. rick asked him to go shopping with him and then later he has study group, so he sets off after his first and only class. he’s not even supposed to see fiat today, so it slips his mind to tell him where he’s going. he just figures he’ll text him when he gets home and they can facetime before bed.
that was clearly not the right thought process as when he does get home, his mom is waiting in the living room for him.
“you have a visitor.” she says jerking her head in the direction of his room.
fuck, leo doesn’t even have to ask to know it’s fiat. he sets his bag down and scurries off to go see his boyfriend. said boyfriend is in the form of a suspicious lump on his bed, and despite the situation he can’t help but to smile fondly. he approaches cautiously, trying to make as little noise as possible as he crosses the room and sits on the edge of the bed. thankfully fiat likes to sleep closest to the door.
he carefully pulls the blankets down to see the younger sleeping. that’s weird. leo knows he doesn’t like to be shaken or jostled awake, so instead he starts lightly brushing his hair out of his face. he tucks a strand behind his ear and then starts carding a hand through his fringe, taking note of his even breathing. his boy is really pretty, unnecessarily so, and as he continues to run a finger down to trace his cheekbones and back, he appreciates the little things. fiat’s long pretty eyelashes that butterfly against his skin when he lies on his chest, pretty nose that burrows into his neck, pretty pink lips he has the privilege to kiss. pretty, pretty, pretty.
the light petting has fiat stirring, reaching up to paw at his face with the sleeve of his shirt covering his hand. he murmurs something incoherent before blinking aimlessly. when he gets his bearings and opens his eyes to spot leo, the sleepy features are suddenly much more awake. before the older can say anything, fiat’s throwing his arms around his neck and basically launching himself at him.
“woah, okay,” leo reels from having to catch him, hugging him tighter to his body with his left hand. “are you-“
“where were you?” fiat’s small and scattered voice interrupts his own.
“what?”
fiat pulls back so he can look at him, and it’s only then that can see his face, puffy and red. he must’ve exhausted himself from crying so hard he’d fallen asleep. “where were you? why weren’t you here?”
leo searches his eyes, a mixture of fear and relief residing there. turmoil. he considers his options. fiat won’t like it, but they can’t have a conversation when he’s so worked up.
“had to run some errands today, princess, but i was going to come back home and facetime you before bed. tell you about my day, hear about yours.” he explains in the now patented ‘fiat voice’. said boy rolls his eyes, wanting to put the focus back on him, but leo continues. “i came back. i always come back.” leo kisses his forehead lightly, feeling the younger's shoulders loosen at the words.
“you deserve for me to always come back, i love you,” leo whispers into his hair, and that’s what it takes for him to break.
after another long winded, hysterical bout of crying, fiat explains about getting a text from his mom that leo holds him through, and then they tell each other about their days. because leo will always be his emotional dump truck, but he can’t play therapist for him.
“we stopped in a bookstore, saw the new book by sarah fujimura. made me think about you.”
“and i thought you were into books before we started dating, now you tell me cheesy shit like that every other day.” fiat playfully rolls his eyes and leo chuckles. he’d loved books since they were kids, fiat knew what he was getting into. “is that why i also couldn’t find rick today? he was with you?”
“yeah, were you looking for him?”
fiat nods against his chest. “to ask him where you were.” oh. “then i just needed a recharge, mom didn’t text me until later.” leo blinks. he’s said that before, but he doesn’t really know what it means.
“a recharge?” he wonders out loud.
“it’s like i can hug you and regain all of my energy back.” he says dreamily, squeezing the older for emphasis.
“you could hug anyone though and it would be the same, right?”
the younger looks up at him skeptically through his fringe. “leo,” he whines, but quickly slips back into a softer, much less childlike voice. “it’s not the same. you’re just…”
ever since they’d actually talked and gotten past the whole in love with each other thing and fiat’s been in therapy, the two made it a point to work harder on their communication. leo isn’t as used to saying much, but he’s adapting pretty quickly to telling fiat more mundane things. like about his books. and fiat, well, he’s learning how to sort his emotions and express them in a healthy way. not everything gets better overnight though, so he still struggles. leo waits.
“you feel safe.”
“safe?” he prompts.
“like, like i’m protected from my unstable brain. i don’t know, it’s weird.” him and leo laugh at his joke as the smaller cuddles further into him and hugs him harder. “mmh, you’re like a big teddy bear.”
that’s it. a bear.
the second he feels fiat’s breathing even out, he uses the hand that’s not currently wrapped securely around his boyfriend to look at the photo he’d snapped a few weeks ago of his collection. thank god, he doesn’t have a bear. next he searches amazon for it, and surprisingly comes across one for a reasonable price with not a lot of scrolling. the old leo would scoff in the face of fate, but the one in his arms might’ve changed his mind, so he can admit the universe was probably waiting for him to find the toy. he orders it with express shipping for thursday, and falls asleep with an accomplished smile on his face.
•••
leo comes home to a package waiting for him. he got tracking messages for it, alerting his mom to bring it in as soon as it was out on their doorstep so fiat wouldn’t find it. not that fiat would open his mail, but just picking it up would expose what it was.
a happy bear smiles up at him after carefully cutting open the package, and leo stares it down. he hates to admit it, but it does look like him.
he puts it in the box he prepared for it and makes his way to fiat’s.
they’re supposed to hang out tonight but fiat’s class doesn’t end for another half hour, plus leo has a study group to get to. he just wants to leave the bear for him and be on his way.
his boyfriend has gotten a net for his squishmallow collection, so that’s where all of them stare at him from as he walks into the dorm. he takes his time in sitting the box neatly in front of the pillow, gently patting it’s head before taking his leave.
when he turns the key in the lock, he makes a silent hopeful plea that this works.
•••
fiat sighs tiredly as he unlocks the door to his dorm, his self defense cat keychain clacking against his hand as he goes through the routine. he puts his bag down not sparing the mirror by his closet a glance. he knows how drained he looks, mostly because rick told him. pawing at his eye, he pulls out his phone with his other hand to call leo. he’s been feeling out of it since he hadn’t gotten any sleep last night and it was hindering his focus. he needs a recharge. but when he turns his phone on, he sees a message from said boyfriend that makes his face fall. he says he’s in study group until 9.
damnit, it’s only 6:30. he looks towards his bed with a frown, he doesn’t count on getting any sleep but he figures he’ll burrow into it and listen to his sad playlist until the taller comes over. but instead of his four pillow ratio, he finds a box.
do his exhausted eyes deceive him? it can’t be from anyone but leo as he’s the only one with a key, but it’s still odd. his leo isn’t one for surprise gifts, his love language is acts of service. fiat squints down at the box skeptically, picking up a scrap of paper from the top and reading it.
for when i’m not there
fiat’s eyebrows knit further together. he yanks the top off the box, not knowing what to expect. he pulls out a squishmallow. a bear. one that somehow looks like leo and- he brings the toy up to his nose and inhales, smelling his boyfriend’s cologne. he brings it closer to his body, hugging it as hard as he would hug leo. it’s not as firm or wide, but it’s warm. he doesn’t know when he started, but suddenly the soft, velvet texture of the plushie is wet and fiat realizes he’s crying.
when leo returns to the dorm a few hours later, he doesn’t expect what he sees. his boyfriend is sleeping. he almost doesn’t believe it, so he walks closer to check. sure enough, fiat is fast asleep, his face buried in the bear squishmallow clutched to his chest. leo smiles. it worked.
he wakes him by running his fingers through his hair, whispering his name. when the smaller blinks awake, finding leo leaning over him, leo’s almost knocked back by the force of his hug.
“oh, so this is just a normal thing now, huh?” fiat doesn’t say anything, just squeezes him tighter.
“i actually slept.” it’s muffled, but leo can hear him. “i was like, asleep!”
“i know.” leo chuckles, pets his hair softly. “you must really like it-“
“it’s a him-” fiat pulls back with a start, looking offended. “not an it!”
leo smiles fondly. “oh i’m sorry, him. does he have a name?”
the thing is now in between them as fiat was only just clutching the squshmallow before he attacked leo. fiat looks down at him, and the taller can tell he’s thinking.
“ursa.”
“like the-“
“bear constellation, yes.” fiat rolls his eyes. “don’t make fun of me! it’s just, leo is a constellation too.”
“and he’s supposed to be a little me?” he supplies. sometimes he forgets that fiat is just as smart as him.
“yeah.” a light smile spreads on his face.
“would you have preferred another animal?”
“no.” fiat says immediately, looking back up at him. “you’re definitely a bear. but even though you gave him some of your magical powers to help me sleep, he’s not as good as you.”
“i see.”
fiat takes the bear from in between them and puts him onto the floor, making leo raise a suspicious eyebrow. “why’re you putting him on the floor?”
“because,” fiat smirks, forcing leo to lay down. “i’m going to thank you.”
leo doesn’t know exactly how he’s going to do that, but he doesn’t wonder for long when he gets lost in fiat’s lips.
•••
over the next few weeks, fiat’s sleeping problems have become few and far between. never completely gone because ursa can be everything but leo himself, but enough that fiat is focusing much better in class and the dark circles under his eyes have lessened. it’s one worry leo’s happy to have left him.
fiat’s also stopped collecting squishmallows for the most part. leo only sees a new one pop up when fiat needs a sure fire dose of serotonin and every other angle isn’t working.
“what’re we gunna do with ursa when we move in together?” fiat wonders aloud one day. they’re watching a movie in his dorm and he’s hugging ursa because leo’s going to leave soon, it’s a separation night.
“mmh, i don’t know.” leo answers, rubbing fiat’s arm absentmindedly. “maybe we can get that one that looks like you and they can have pride of place on our bed.”
“not the otter!” fiat groans, burying his face in his boyfriend’s chest. “i thought we established that i don’t look like that.”
after getting ursa, leo told fiat about his two weeks journey looking at every squishmallow in existence to find the perfect one for him. the otter was still bookmarked, and when fiat found out why he was extremely offended. they ended up having a three hour conversation about what animal he looks like.
leo giggles, knowing that still gets on his nerves. “fine, the orange cat?”
“the orange cat will do… i guess.”
that night fiat falls asleep in leo’s arms, ursa clutched tight in his own. as much as leo would love to stay, he has a paper due tomorrow not to mention practice and he can’t afford to hurt his back. whereas he used to feel guilty getting up and ultimately stayed because he couldn’t leave the other, he feels better about it now. ursa’s got this, he thinks, kissing fiat’s forehead before gathering his things and slipping out the door.