Chapter Text
I love you. The message flashed up on your screen making your heart stop, you felt like you were suffocating, drowning in a sea of your own emotions. The onslaught of feelings making your eyes fill with tears and your mouth fill with the taste of bile.
What? That’s all you could respond to him, your mind fogging over with the thought of him liking you back. You were confused. But apparently so was he. He didn’t respond to you. He had opened the message. He had ignored you. You fell asleep with the sour taste of dread in your mouth.
It was the next morning and still no word from the boy plaguing your mind. You poured coffee and made yourself breakfast. Operating completely on autopilot the entire time. Your fingers were numb. Scratch that. Your entire body was numb, fear coursing through your veins making your blood run cold. Your face was blank as if in an intense game of poker was occurring but the cards were on the table now. He loved you? The question ran in circles around your brain like a dog chasing its tail.
You could’ve seen it coming really. He had been furiously flirting with you for the past year but of course, in an attempt to protect your feelings, you never got your hopes up and he never confessed. You knew that Atsumu was a notorious flirt and you were not about to allow yourself to be caught in that trap. But you did get caught. You had been caught since the day you met it.
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You had met him through Osamu in the summer of your second year looking back you wished you hadn’t. It was infatuation at first sight for you, he was charismatic, funny, and fucking gorgeous, ‘Samu warned you against falling for him but you went and did it anyway, wrecking your heart in the process.
You and he were like fire and ice, you shouldn’t have worked, your connection should have started and ended with his brother but the world had other ideas. fast forward one year and you were inseparable You would catch the train home together every single day, you became a manager for the volleyball team to make your schedules line up better, you spent the weekends in his room, watching some dumb show from America, crying with laughter, falling into each other, sharing each others warmth, cuddling on his bed until the sun sank so low on the horizon you had no choice but to leave.
“Ya looking real gorgeous today doll"
"You say that every time you see me 'Stumu.” You giggled, your heart clenching wildly at the words spilling from his beautiful mouth.
“And it’s always true.” He countered, flicking your nose with index finger making you flinch away from his touch.
The two of you walked in synch, hands swinging at your sides knocking your knuckles together, you were nearly holding his hand in yours, you could almost pretend you were together. The image in your mind was shattered by her. She ran up to the two of you, completely ignoring your existence to concentrate on the boy next to you, wrapping her lithe arms around his neck and practically hanging off of him as she shoved her tongue into his mouth. You looked away, giving the two privacy by walking away. Your heart sank to your feet as you walked away, each step feeling heavier and heavier.
“I like him Osamu, I really, really like him and I don’t know what to do.” You exclaimed, head falling to the desk with a thud and a sigh from your lips.
“Yer hopeless (y/n), and you’re so much better than my brother.” He mumbled, running his hand through your hair to soothe you.
“That’s the thing though. I know what he’s like. I know we wouldn’t work out. And yet, I still find myself enraptured with the fucking idiot.” Your words were muffled by the desk beneath your lips.
“I told ya to be careful but no, no one listens to Osamu.” He teased, continuing his ministrations, almost sending you to sleep with the feeling of his course, callused fingers running across your scalp in circular motions.
“I’m sorry 'Samu, I’m an idiot, we all know I’m an idiot”
“No, your heart’s just in the wrong place (y/n)” His mouth pulled in a tight line as the words fell from his mouth.
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Another painful three years had passed. Atsumu had had a long string of horrible relationship after horrible relationship. You had struggled to keep a relationship for longer than a few months, all of them realising your love for Atsumu and not being able to compete with your schoolgirl crush on your best friend.
You just couldn’t seem to get over the boy, and it didn’t help that majority of your free time with him, continuing your traditions of binging shows on a Saturday but now you would stay with him, cuddling long into the night, wrapped in each other’s arms and also wrapped in your mind, your need for him growing with each passing second.
Those moments were fleeting, you could pretend that you were with him for one night at a time but the moments had to end, you had to go home at some point, the illusion had to be broken. He never stopped his flirting though, and it never stopped making your heart flutter.
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15:00, it was 3 pm and still nothing.
16:00. Finally, your phone flashed, his name coming up on the screen.
Assumu is typing…
Those three words were enough to make your heart race, your fingers hovered over the notification, daring to open up the app.
Message from Assumu.
Assumu: Aha sorry babe, I don’t remember sending that.
You: Oh
Assumu: Yeah, I was really drunk last night.
You: ok.
You: So you meant nothing by it?
Assumu: I mean I say it to my friends all the time.
You dropped your phone, the clattering shaking you from your reverie, so he meant nothing by it. Your heart had been thrown into a strange dance all night for him to not mean anything. You contemplated confessing, getting it all off your chest, letting the words hang in the air, you might finally get a break from the aching in your chest. You might be able to breathe again. You might be able to think of things other than him when getting into a relationship. It might give you the chance to be free of him.
You: Okay, this is really difficult for me to actually say but like when I saw that message from you from last night my heart just dropped. I’ve liked you for years Atsumu and I never said anything because I never wanted things between us to be weird or just have you not want to talk to me anymore. But that’s why you flirting with me always made me uncomfortable because I knew you didn’t see me the same way I saw you. I don’t want you to feel like you have to respond and return the feelings, I just said what I’ve been meaning to say for four years. I hope we can stay friends after all this.
You waited. Ten minutes. Twenty minutes. An hour. Still nothing but radio silence. Tears tracked their way down your face, sobs wracked your frame, the pain you felt stabbing into your heart was like a white-hot dagger. Then your phone lit up once more.
Assumu: I’m so sorry babe. I really never knew you felt that way. I don’t feel the same. I never have, I never will. I’m talking to someone and have been for a few months now. The text last night meant nothing.
Your knees buckled underneath you and you fell onto your kitchen floor, the mug that was in your hand shattering on the floor next to you. You couldn’t breathe. Your lungs failed you at that moment, the pain spreading throughout your chest.
You: I’m sorry
Read at 19:00
Atsumu had shattered your heart once more, and this time there was no one there to pick up the pieces.