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Yangyang doesn’t know whether to be grateful or disappointed.
On the one hand, he is excited to finally get the chance to work with Donghyuck. Aside from debuting, this was one of the things he was looking forward to the most when he was first announced as WayV’s member. Donghyuck has always been famous amongst trainees, his cheeky grin and friendly demeanour never failing to attract eyes and capture hearts.
But of course the universe can’t be too kind, because they are also assigned in a unit with Mark, one of who Hendery calls Yangyang’s love rival.
(One of many, because a rumour has it that you are cursed to have a crush on Haechan at least once if you’re chosen to be an NCT member).
Yangyang thinks that theory has no grounds, because he is the living proof that crushing on Haechan is a state that can occur not the moment you become NCT, but the second you cross your path with the bright ball (or pain) of sunshine.
Manager-hyung said you speak German, that’s pretty cool. I’m Donghyuck, nice to meet you!
Yangyang never regretted not working harder on his Korean like that day, when he failed to muster a coherent response because he was too awestruck by Donghyuck. He was still left trying to figure out how to say ‘thank you’ and ‘nice to meet you’, the two phrases that was drilled to him in the very first Korean class, when Donghyuck skipped along to the next new trainee and rendered them speechless too, before Mark dragged him back to the shoot or practice or recording that Donghyuck snuck away from.
Yangyang still remembers the way the entire room repeats his name in hushed whispers, the way there was a trace of adoring grin on Yukhei’s face upon Haechan’s disappearance.
“Yo, what’s up?”
Yangyang snaps away from his train of thoughts at the familiar voice that he’s been dreading to hear since the preparation of this project.
Mark just entered the practice room where they were scheduled to learn the choreography for Raise the Roof in, followed by the rest of Dream members. Yangyang fakes a grin and meets Mark’s bro fist half-way, pointedly ignoring Renjun’s knowing smirk.
“Tense, much?” Yangyang hears Renjun says under his breath in Chinese.
Yangyang grits his teeth, grin still intact. “Kindly fuck off.”
“You’re here early,” Haechan comments, and Yangyang knows by now that Haechan is only addressing him because he hates awkward silences and would do anything to keep the conversation going.
“Needed to let off some steam,” Yangyang replies, hoping desperately to come off as cool. He finds it very hard to remember his Korean when Haechan grins up at him like that. “Did you guys just finish practice for Déjà Vu?”
“Yeah, and it dragged on thanks to someone who keeps messing up,” Haechan says loudly, makings sure the hyung he’s talking about hears him loud and clear.
“Yah, I told you I’d treat you sushi, will you stop already?” Mark brushes his hair back in mock frustration, though Yangyang can tell he’s not at all irritated by Haechan’s insistent nagging. On the contrary, he probably enjoys it very much.
They easily fall into another banter, one of many that he will likely be made to witness again. Sometimes he keeps count, a small part of him hopeful that at one point the argument will take a wrong turn and leave them hating each other until the end of this project. Yangyang can make his move then, and Haechan will once and for all realize that being with him is a lot more stress free than being with Mark, who never seemed to be able to fully appreciate the endless stream of love that constantly pours from Haechan.
(Or so he tell himself for the hundredth time, although he never truly acts upon it because he is pathetic like that).
“Let me guess what’s on your mind. Must be nice to return to Haechan’s good graces when he hardly deserves it. Damn him, why can’t Haechan dump that nerd and be with me already?”
Yangyang turns so quickly at the voice, and relaxes when he finds that it’s just Ten.
Except, he hears a sympathetic chuckle from Johnny, who is of course always wherever Ten is. He chances a glance at Johnny, who looks equally amused and sorry for Yangyang.
“I won’t say anything,” Johnny offers kindly, slipping into English. “I’ve been there and was pretty dumb about it too. Ask Ten, he’ll tell you all about it.”
(Yangyang would have snorted if this had come from someone who's not Ten’s lover).
He looks up at Johnny curiously, and finds from his expression that the man is nothing but telling the truth. Yangyang turns back to Haechan, finding him goofing around with Winwin now. He takes one look at the way his crush drapes himself with full of adoration over Winwin and thinks, of course Haechan has the power to shake the balance of this universe and attract a man bound to others.
Perhaps that is why Yuta used to profess his love to Mark so much, as a payback and also as a blatant warning to Haechan that Yuta could do the same if he tries.
It didn’t work, because Haechan was well over Mark at the time—or was trying to, anyway.
“Here’s an advice,” Johnny tells him, and Yangyang leans in to listen. “Accept that no one is going to replace Mark in his life.”
Yangyang is too unfamiliar with Johnny to shoot him a glare at the unhelpful input, so he directs it at Ten instead.
(Perhaps Ten is only trying to help, having known him intimately for about two years now and knowing that his pining is starting to get a little pathetic, but Yangyang is never one to give up before he tries, so he can’t just quit).
“I was his roommate,” Johnny elaborates, and as much as Yangyang does not want to hear a story of failed chance, he could not help but wonder how easily Haechan turned Johnny down, just so a tiny part of him can somewhat prepare for the inevitable doom. "It's hard not to get attracted if you see the way he looks in the morning with his legs bare and cheeks puffed up, or the way he looks before bed when he turns knowingly at you, flutter his eyelashes, and bids you goodnight in that sweet way only he can manage."
Yangyang feels his throat drying up at the image and peeks at Ten, who seems to have tuned out the conversation though Yangyang knows he is paying full attention. It must be nice to feel so secure in his relationship that not even an ounce of this conversation seems to bother him.
Johnny at least has the decency to look a little sheepish. "Point is, the brat you met when you first came here turned out to be pretty charming and knows exactly how to use that charm.”
Yangyang knows this to be true. Haechan thinks no one watches his fancam more than he does, but give Hendery the chance to throw Yangyang under the bus and he will tell you all about the nights Yangyang would watch them before bed, with ‘Baby Don’t Like It’ being his personal favorite. It’s the way Haechan’s calculative gaze drops just so during the chorus of the song, luring Yangyang into his mercy. It’s the way his hips roll sensuously, an image so vivid in Yangyang’s sleep during stressful nights.
He can't help himself, "How did it—?"
His voice ends there, the thought of not having a chance with Haechan burning his throat.
(Sue him for falling deeper than originally intended).
"End?" Johnny guesses, and Yangyang gives him a quick nods.
Johnny stares at where Haechan is sitting with Mark, and he probably sees what Yangyang also sees. An unshakable force in this universe that leaves the rest of them unable to do much more than watch from the sideline, like some pathetic losers.
“You can’t end something that’s never started in the first place,” Johnny offers him a half-smile. “One day, SuperM promotion finished and Mark suddenly came back groveling, asking Donghyuck to give him a second chance.”
Yangyang remembers Renjun mentioning something similar back when they used to sneak him into WayV’s dorm for a sleepover. Yangyang had found Renjun’s genuine loath for Mark when he left Donghyuck to be comforting, even if it hadn’t necessarily meant Renjun gave him his blessing to have a go at Donghyuck, the protective jerk. One day, Renjun came knocking on their door, grabbed whatever leftover was on the table, and started ranting in rapid Chinese about Mark, Donghyuck, and them getting back together.
It was safe to say that the warmth that Yangyang had carried in his chest during Mark and Donghyuck’s break-up period instantly faded away.
Yangyang asks, "And you just—moved on?"
Ten snorts loudly.
Johnny laughs with him, clearly having been over Haechan for quite some time. He must have, because Yangyang doesn't think Ten would have gotten back together with Johnny if that wasn't the case.
"Look, Donghyuck and I were kind of in a similar state," Johnny elaborates. "The people we love most got whisked away in endless promotions and it didn't do well for either of our self-esteem."
Yangyang doesn't believe him. "Donghyuck had self-esteem issues?"
"He's lying, he was the one with self-esteem issues." Ten throws Johnny a glare, who shrugs as if to say it was a good enough summary anyway. "Donghyuck's case is different. Donghyuck and Mark never put a name to what they were, probably never felt the need to until Mark graduated from Dream and they suddenly felt a shift in their relationship. Mark freaked out when he realized Donghyuck's self-claimed status as his soulmate is no longer platonic and so he threw himself head first into work to distract himself from having to confront his feelings."
Yangyang feels something ugly churning at the pit of his stomach. Yangyang would move mountains to be with Donghyuck, the company and his idol profession be damned.
(Later, he will admit he did not mean that. His dream means too much to throw away for a fit of passion that he knows will not last).
“Mark came back, though,” Yangyang clenches his jaw. “They clearly made up.”
Johnny snorts, though his eyes are fond. “Thanks to a meddling someone.”
Ten stares far into the window outside. “It was for their own good.”
Yangyang wants to scoff at how selfless Ten made himself out to be, but he can’t blame him at all. After having lived with him for two years now, he understands that. He has seen how Ten spent nights after nights sitting by the window back in their dorm, unmoving, unflinching. The many times Yangyang caught a glimpse of his face, he always lingered to take in the way the moon intensified the pain in his dark eyes.
Yangyang remembers approaching him in that state once, after the news of Johnny getting his first tattoo, a sunflower, reach their ears.
“Hyung, it could mean anything.”
Yangyang is met with a long silence.
Then, a rough, scratched voice that doesn’t form into any coherent words in the languages that Yangyang speaks.
Yangyang tries anyway, “He said it represents his mother.”
Ten looks at him then, and his attempt at a smile falls flat. “It’s fine, it’ll pass.”
Yangyang understands now what Ten had meant by that. One has to be a fighter to be where he is, and Ten simply had meant that he would take matters into his own hands before it spins out of control.
Johnny bumps his shoulder with a fist. His eyes are gentle, almost brotherly. “I’m not going to tell you what you should do with your feelings, but just play smart in picking your battles, alright? Mark might seem like he’s tame, but you know he’s not.”
No, Yangyang thinks. You definitely can’t go through what Mark has gone through in his youth and leave unscathed. He’s just terribly good at clutching tight at his core values.
“And Donghyuck - he’s not innocent, too. He likes people showering him with attention, but you and I are just pawns to attract the one he craves most. We’re not going to suddenly replace Mark in his life.”
Yangyang feels his throat burn, “You don’t—“
“—But I do,” Johnny cuts in, sharp with a warning glint in his eyes. He waves a hand around the room. “If you can’t take my advice, ask the others. Renjun, Lucas, Doyoung, Taeil-hyung, even Sungchan. Half of this room have probably at least entertained the thought, and half of those have gone as far as actually trying before finally realizing what they end up becoming.”
Yangyang imagines himself falling into prey next, and he can’t think of why it’s such a bad idea if it means he gets to bask himself in Donghyuck’s presence.
(He has not heard of the tale of the drunken mess Taeil became at one point, or the tension between both 127 and Dream members for the entirety of 2019).
“Let’s start from the top, everyone!”
The voice of Resonance’s choreographer booms over their loud chatter, and they all stand to get into position.
Yangyang avoids everyone’s gaze and gets to his spot before finally, relenting, meets Johnny and Ten’s questioning looks through the reflection in the mirror.
He shakes his head, and he hopes it is enough to get them off his back.
Perhaps he’ll let another year pass—or perhaps he’ll try anyway.
Whatever it is, Yangyang finds it difficult to imagine he will regret whatever decision he’s going to make.
And if it means he’ll play a pawn—
“Yah, why are you so tense?” Donghyuck yells at him playfully, Mark no longer attached to his side.
Yangyang cracks a grin, helpless after all. “I’m starving. Do you want to go get food after this?”
Donghyuck lets a decisive second pass before nodding in collected enthusiasm, and it is all Yangyang needs to confirm Johnny’s theory that this is Donghyuck world they're living in and they're all helpless to his desires.
Well, it's Donghyuck. He’ll have fun while it lasts.
And if Ten is glaring at his sorry head from half way across the room, well.
Yangyang shrugs, you won’t ever know if you don’t try.