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A relationship is the product of hard work. Contrary to what people believe, relationships do not appear out of magic. Even in a world where soulmates exist, no relationship is easy to maintain.
Juyeon made the mistake to believe that relationships and soulmates work out in the long run. That was why, at two in the afternoon, he found himself drinking outside of the convenience store nearest to his apartment. He found himself drowning in the memories of Chanhee and the alcohol in the bottle around him.
Juyeon stared at the red thread on his pinky as his eyes followed the man with the blonde hair across the room. It was his partner for their thesis, Choi Chanhee. A beautiful man, Juyeon was definitely attracted to him, but because Chanhee seemed like an impossible dream, Juyeon never hoped to upgrade his role in the boy’s life.
But these thoughts changed when the red thread appeared on his pinky.
You see, a person can only see their red thread if they and their soulmate develop mutual feelings. It was not a matter of ‘fate’ but rather of their conscious choice to be together. Soulmates usually end up together because of this illusion of free will, that they chose to be with each other. That was why Juyeon had a strong faith in the red thread.
That was why he thought Chanhee was the one.
As soon as classes ended, Juyeon approached Chanhee.
“Juyeon, we can talk about our thesis later. I’ll just eat with Changmin,” Chanhee coolly said, looking up the raven-haired man,” What? Why are you looking at me funnily? Is there something on my face?”
Juyeon raised his pinky. Chanhee instantly understood what he meant and found himself flustered. Juyeon scratched the back of his head. He guessed that this was not the ideal way to confess but he could not wait to know what Chanhee truly felt about him.
“So?” Juyeon awkwardly smiled at Chanhee. The latter raised his pinky finger and covering the tattoo of a cross on it was the red thread connected to Juyeon.
“Since when?” Chanhee asked.
“It would be embarrassing if I tell you,” Juyeon said as he held Chanhee’s hand,” but I can tell you I thought it was impossible.”
“Hm? Why?”
“Because you’re so beautiful, Chanhee,” Juyeon smiled as he said those words,” How can I hope to be loved by a beautiful being like you?”
Where did it go wrong?
Juyeon and Chanhee were soulmates.
How then did their relationship end?
Even though it had been months since Chanhee broke up with Juyeon, no one could answer his question. Soulmates rarely split up. If they ever do, the cool off usually lasted for only a few weeks, but Juyeon had not talked to Chanhee for almost a year. He heard somewhere that Chanhee was in a new relationship, that he had a new soulmate…
“But how?”
Juyeon did not know the answer to his own question. Was this allowed? Did nature write the rules somewhere and Juyeon was not able to read it?
Juyeon stared at the red thread on his pinky. He could see the end of the thread as if it was cut by a sharp blade. How was Chanhee able to do it? Why did Chanhee do it? Juyeon believed he did his all to make Chanhee happy but obviously, Chanhee thought otherwise.
On the other side of the relationship, Chanhee knew that relationships were hard work. He had this same philosophy for all relationships he had, whether romantic or platonic. That was how he and Changmin, his best friend, lasted so long. That was also why he was willing to make efforts to make him and Juyeon work in the past.
Yes, in the past.
Chanhee did his all to make the relationship work. He was patient whenever Juyeon went home late, even when the reasons were not valid like drinking with his friends almost every night. He gave Juyeon all the affection he could give him, despite Chanhee not being the clingy type. He kept note of Juyeon’s likes and dislikes. Chanhee never listed the things he did for Juyeon because he knew that would be an argument.
But Chanhee grew tired.
Juyeon was tiring to love. Maybe he was not aware of that but Chanhee knew that very well. Juyeon did tell Chanhee that he loved him every day but it all felt like empty words for Chanhee. Even if Juyeon meant it, he was not doing work for the relationship. He forgot their anniversaries. He kept his walls up. He did not notice it every time Chanhee needed comfort.
That was why Chanhee made the resolve to cut the thread.
Chanhee was aware he was slowly losing himself by drowning in Juyeon. He did not want that to happen. Chanhee prioritized himself over anyone. Losing himself meant losing his everything. He did not want to completely depend on Juyeon.
Chanhee knew that the only way to prevent losing himself was to cut the thread, and despite the rumors of it being difficult, it came naturally to Chanhee.
Chanhee stared at the back of the man he loved.
Or at least, he thought he loved.
Chanhee was still holding on to the relationship. Even though Juyeon had been cold to him, Chanhee stayed. Maybe because of the foolishness of believing that the red thread was always correct. Maybe because of how invested Chanhee was in the relationship. Chanhee just knew he could not easily let go of Juyeon.
Slowly, these feelings of love turned into feelings of obligation.
Chanhee knew he was obligated to stay with Juyeon. He knew he had to stay with him because ‘fate’ dictated it so.
For Chanhee, the red thread was a way to suffocate him. He felt like he had limited choices and that choice was Juyeon. Did the red thread really affect each person’s feelings or did the feelings of a person affect the red thread?
Chanhee discovered the answer to that the hard way.
Chanhee often asked himself where their relationship went wrong. He remembered being so in love with Juyeon and Juyeon was the same. Chanhee could feel the romance between them. Juyeon wrote poetry for him. Chanhee, in return, serenaded him. Juyeon often wrapped his arms around Chanhee.
In his arms, Chanhee felt safe.
But slowly… rather than safety and security, Juyeon had his hands around Chanhee’s neck. Every step should be reported to him. Even though Juyeon did not tell Chanhee about himself, Juyeon expected Chanhee to tell him everything.
“Honey?”
Chanhee’s current boyfriend, Hyunjae, wrapped his arms around his love. Chanhee looked down and stared at Hyunjae’s pinky. The red thread still connected the two of them.
“Something worrying you?” Hyunjae asked,” Your eyebrows are scrunched up and your lips are in a cute little pout.”
“I told you about Juyeon, right? My ex,” Chanhee sighed,” I’m just scared what happened in the past may happen to us, Jae.”
“It’s our choice, anyway,” Hyunjae nuzzled his cheek against Chanhee’s hair,” Soulmates aren’t dictated by fate… Well, I personally think it’s that way.”
“Yeah,” Chanhee caressed Hyunjae’s arms,” I’m sorry I’m like this, honey. I should not be haunted by the past. You’re different from Juyeon.”
“It’s normal,” Hyunjae kissed Chanhee’s cheek,” What matters to me right now is the you of now, Chanhee. You should give yourself credit. Juyeon lost you. You did not lose him. You’re such a good catch.”
Chanhee jokingly slapped Hyunjae’s wrist.
“A flatterer,” Chanhee smiled,” I love you so much, Lee Hyunjae.”
Hyunjae wrapped his pinky finger around Chanhee’s.
“I love you too, Choi Chanhee.”
“Babe…” Juyeon’s voice sounded hurt. It had been a long time since Juyeon called Chanhee ‘babe’ or Chanhee heard any kind of care in his voice.
“Hm? What is it?” Chanhee raised an eyebrow. Juyeon raised his pinky finger, similar to how he confessed many years before but what made the situation different was the broken thread on it. Chanhee widened his eyes and quickly checked his pinky.
It was the same.
“Babe…” Juyeon looked down,” Babe, do you still love me?”
“I…” Chanhee bit his lower lip. If Chanhee was honest, he was at the point where he did not have any feelings for Juyeon. Rather, he hated Juyeon. He hated how guarded Juyeon was. He hated how Juyeon expected him to be the strong one in the relationship when Chanhee had his own share of burdens. He hated being treated as Juyeon’s rehabilitation center.
“Chanhee?” Juyeon held Chanhee’s hands,” This must be a mistake, right? I mean, we’re soulmates.”
“We were soulmates, Juyeon,” Chanhee shook Juyeon’s hands away,” See? We’re not connected.”
“No, there must be a glitch or something,” Juyeon sounded desperate,” I mean, soulmates don’t change. They can’t change. That just doesn’t happen.”
“It just did, Ju,” Chanhee knew this was his opportunity to leave that relationship. He did not know exactly the logistics behind the cutting of the thread, but he did not care. He was just relieved that there was an exit door.
On the contrary, Juyeon felt his heart break into pieces. It was not obvious. He was not crying or anything but how his voice increased in volume exposed how surprised he was.
“So it’s just that? You’re going to leave me just like that?” Juyeon almost screamed.
“Obviously,” Chanhee rolled his eyes,” I guess ‘fate’ is already telling us something, Juyeon.”
“What?”
“I don’t understand how you don’t get it,” Chanhee sighed,” It’s tiring, Juyeon. I’m tired.”
“Tired?”
“Tired of this relationship. I’m pressured as your boyfriend and as your soulmate. I have to be perfect, perfect for you and for the people around us. I have to pretend I’m happy when I’m not.”
“You don’t need to—”
“And you know what?” Chanhee raised an eyebrow,” You are so selfish. I want to let this off my chest but you are so selfish, Lee Juyeon. You only care about yourself. I don’t know what happened. Adulthood or what. But I feel like I’m just a rehab center for you and—You know what? I don’t have to explain myself. You don’t deserve my energy. I am so glad ‘fate’ opened your eyes.”
“To what?”
“I don’t love you anymore, Juyeon,” Chanhee snapped,” I’m sure you still love me but you never showed it. The only reassurance I had about your feelings was the red fucking thread. Nothing else. I can’t be contented with a red thread, Juyeon. I’m human. I need your reassurance.”
“I told you I love you everyday…”
“You never listened to me. You forget every anniversary. I don’t know what the hell happened but you changed, Juyeon. This is not the Juyeon I partnered up with when we had a thesis.”
“Chanhee, I didn’t change,” Juyeon’s voice sounded small. Even though he was taller than Chanhee, Juyeon felt himself shrink in front of the man he loved.
“Your words don’t matter to me now, Ju,” Chanhee smiled sarcastically,” We are not soulmates anymore.”
“We can change that.”
“No. I’m sorry to tell you, Juyeon, but after going through what I did, I don’t want to be your soulmate again.”
That effectively made Juyeon silent. To hear this from Chanhee, from the man he loved for years, was enough to crush his very soul. Juyeon wanted to defend himself, to shout at Chanhee to stay, but no words could justify Juyeon’s claims.
The red thread was broken.
Juyeon knew he could do nothing about it and Chanhee was glad it was nothing.
Months down the road, the two of them led different lives. Chanhee, although haunted by him cutting the red thread, was happy in his relationship with Hyunjae. Juyeon, on the other hand, was still alone, wallowing in Chanhee’s absence. Both of them viewed relationships in a different light and in that way, they learned they were not the right people for each other.
Believing in ‘fate’ or ‘soulmates’ blindly, without putting in the effort, would only lead to disappointment and hurt.
Believing in the red thread and not in one’s partner would only lead to break-ups. The red thread only affirmed what one felt deep inside after all. It was not a sign from ‘fate’ knocking on their door. They were the ones who decided what their fate would be.
Maybe that was a lesson both Juyeon and Chanhee had to learn the hard way.