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Fitz scrubbed away his tears as he decided what he would do. He had already decided that he was going to… die. But now he had to figure out how to say goodbye.
In the end he chose to leave Biana, Dex, Sophie, and the rest of the gang goodbye letters. But for Keefe… For Keefe, Fitz planned something important.
He likes it when I sing, Fitz thought to himself hurriedly as he fumbled for a blue leaping-crystal. What’s his favourite one? Oh yeah, that human one. You Are My Sunshine.
He wasn’t supposed to go into his father’s office, but as he snuck back out with crystal in hand, Fitz figured it didn’t really matter. He was going to be dead by the end of the day anyways.
The human city was loud and polluted, and Fitz tried to remember if the human cities had always been that way when he was searching for Sophie. He didn’t spend much time dwelling on that thought though, he had a destination in mind.
He thought about Sophie as he speed-walked; She always was a true friend, and he was glad she had managed to forgive him for how he had acted when they were together -Fitz cringed at the memory-. He had been frustrated and trying to figure himself out, and he had lashed out in a way that she didn’t deserve. Still, he was glad they remained close after.
And Dex. That boy had always been smart and passionate. Even if he had hated Fitz at first (which Fitz felt was definitely a justified response), they had eventually become good friends. Thinking back on it now, Fitz had always admired the Technopath.
Slowly, he went over all of his friends in his mind. Mentally saying goodbye as each cherished person passed in front of his eyes. Sophie, Dex, Linh, Tam, Maruca, Marella, Wylie, even Stina. And then… Biana and Keefe.
His little sister… She was strong and brave and beautiful, and Fitz was so proud of her. She wasn’t delicate, and she wasn’t broken (not like Fitz was, at least). Fitz wondered if she would miss him as much as he already missed her, but he angrily wiped tears from his eyes at that thought and moved on.
And Keefe… What would Keefe think? After pining for years (and after a few misguided forays into hetero relationships) they were finally dating. Fitz couldn’t think of anyone he adored more! And now he was just going to give that up?
Fitz stopped in his tracks and took a deep shuddering breath, fists clenched. He had to.
Ahead of him was one of those crazy ‘Frankenstine’s-monster’ stores, where one building held more stores inside than it had any right to. He was pretty sure Sophie had called them Malls, but to Fitz it reminded him more like a momma spider who carried her babies on her back. An abomination.
He stubbornly pushed the thoughts of what he was doing out of his head, and walked in, ignoring the stares of awe (from both guys and girls).
Finally -after an embarrassing amount of wandering around lost (malls are, apparently, very confusing)- he found it. Build-A-Bear Workshop. Sophie had mentioned it once at a sleepover. She and her younger sister Amy had gone every once in a while.
There were endless different types of animals to choose from (what was that ugly green frog thing with large ears and a tan tunic??), but Fitz was on a time crunch and grabbed the first rainbow one he could find.
“Excuse me?” He asked a nearby employee (who goggled at his accent and then blushed). “I need to have a recording in it, how do I do that?”
~~
Fitz stood outside of Candleshade, which the Sencens had moved back into, and debated on whether or not to risk going in. If he did… it would be real. He had already left the letters, but this -leaving Keefe- would change things. And if he did that, he couldn’t go back. But the consequences if he didn’t were too strong.
He clenched his teeth. He was doing this.
“Fitz?” Damn it. Everything had gone fine when he broke in, and he had placed the bear where Keefe would find it without incident, but now he was caught. Any other time, Keefe’s sleepy voice would have been a comfort, but facing Keefe, hearing his voice and seeing his face… Fitz didn’t think he could handle that and still follow through.
“Hey Keefey-head,” Fitz barely managed the nickname (Keefe was almost always the last one to wake up at a sleepover… except maybe Dex).
“What’reyou doing mm, here?” Keefe slurred, smiling dopily. Fitz felt his heart breaking.
“I came to leave a present for you,” He replied, pulling Keefe into a soft hug so he couldn’t see his tears and hoping that Keefe was too tired to interpret his emotions.
“For me?” Keefe giggled, “I love youuuuu.” He whispered in a sing-song voice.
“I love you too,” Fitz whispered back, a tear slipping down his face. He held on tighter.
“Mmm, I know.” They stayed like that for a moment: Keefe smiling into Fitz’s neck, and Fitz crying not to breathe to shuddery as silent tears slipped down his nose and cheeks. He was doing it.
Keefe pulled back slightly. “Wait, really Fitz… why are you here? Why do you smell like… like that. Whatever that is?”
Fitz just pulled him back closer and buried his face against his boyfriend. “Let’s just say the present isn’t legal.” He finally managed to whisper around the lump in his throat.
Keefe accepted Fitz’s excuse. Fitz didn’t know if that made him feel guiltier, or if the weight of the day was finally getting to him.
He didn’t know how long they stood like that, rocking gently just holding each other, but Fitz had told the Neverseen he would give himself up before midnight, so he finally untangled his arms from Keefe’s.
“I love you,” He whispered against Keefe’s hair. He pressed a quick kiss to Keefe’s jaw, and then he was gone.
~~
When they were told the news, the whole crew was stunned. Biana sat in shock, Sophie clinging to her arm with tears streaming down beside her, Dex and Linh sat with silent tears, and Tam slammed his fist against the wall before breaking down. Keefe though? Keefe left the room and he screamed.
and he screamed.
~~
He found the rainbow bear the day after. The day after he had slept, cold and alone, in a bed made for more than just a brokenhearted boy. The day after he learned the only boy he had yet loved was dead.
You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are gray
You’ll never know dear how much I love you
Please don’t take my sunshine away
The other night dear, as I lay sleeping
I dreamed I held you in my arms
But when I awoke, dear, I was mistaken
So I hung my head and I cried.
Keefe was crying.
You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are gray
You’ll never know dear, how much I love you
Please don’t take my sunshine away
I’ll always love you and make you happy,
If you will only say the same.
But if you leave me and love another,
You’ll regret it all some day:
Keefe was crying and he couldn’t stop.
You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are gray
You’ll never know dear, how much I love you
Please don’t take my sunshine away
You told me once, dear, you really loved me
And no one else could come between.
But now you’ve left me and loved another;
You have shattered all of my dreams:
Why did Fitz have to give himself up to the Neverseen?
You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are gray
You’ll never know dear, how much I love you
Please don’t take my sunshine away
In all my dreams, dear, you seem to leave me
When I awake my poor heart pains.
So when you come back and make me happy
I’ll forgive you dear, I’ll take all the blame.
You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are gray
You’ll never know dear, how much I love you
Please don’t take my sunshine away
Please don’t take my sunshine away…
Keefe threw the stupid little rainbow bear with its stupid little smile at the wall. It wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair that Fitz was dead and that Keefe had to live with the pain. It wasn’t fair that the only words Keefe would ever hear Fitz sing again were the words of a melancholy lullaby.
Keefe cried.