Chapter Text
Group: pink ladies but we don’t have jackets :(
Lily Friday 10:36 am
birds
lasses
les femmes
i come bearing alarming news
Marls
LIL
spit it out
Lily
tuney’s wedding
i was meant to be a bridesmaid yeah?
but i made a joke about vermin at her fitting the other day
and she’s proper pissed
bloody demoted me
Alice
Oh love :(
Lily
i accept it i suppose
should’ve known she wouldn't have a laugh
BUT this is not the problem !!!
see now i’m demoted to guest she’s bumped our cousin Agnes up
which means wretched Agnes has dropped her date in hopes for a groomsmen
Dorcas
an understandable choice
bit ambitious for Aggie though
i’ve seen her teeth
Lily
FOCUS
the issue at hand
is that since Aggie dearest has ditched whatever uggo she was bringing
there's an empty seat
a week from the wedding
Alice
Oh…
Lily
YES
OH
now i’m meant to-
no no it’s been DEMANDED
that i find a date to my hag sister’s wedding
in SEVEN DAYS
and she KNOWS i haven’t got anyone suitable and she’s so smug
so that’s The Mission™
find lily a date
get on it ladies
before i am quite literally murdered by a rented salad fork
Marls
Lily
not that this isn’t a dilemma
but
could u not have waited 5 seconds til we’re all meeting at Minnie’s?
Lily
no ACTUALLY
i could not
as there is no time to waste when up against Pet’s wrath
i expect u all to walk in with at least one suitable male suggestion at the ready
we’ve only got 20 mins before our chem lecture and we’ll need the time to debate
Alice
Debate what love?
If you’re this desperate surely anyone we suggest will have to do
Dorcas
it’s not as though you’re in a position to be picky if you’re asking us to set you up
Marls
well i’m walking up the steps now
but lily I’m sure you can guess who my suggested suitor will be
if you’ll all recall my cousin james’ xmas party
where we watched him ogle our lily for half the night
he’d never say no to u red ;)))
Lily
hnnnghhhhhhh
Alice
If need be you can borrow Frank
Dorcas
best I’ve got is Amos
would be a bit awkward to set the two of you up tho
seeing how i ghosted him for Marly after a month of talking
Marls
aww dorky
i forget that not only did i get u i also bested a man
truly the most beneficial relationship ours is
Dorcas
<3
Marls
<3
anyways lils
you know what this means
>:)
james is your best option
and i really don’t want this to monopolize our coffee break
so if u could just take his number and we can get on with it
<3
Lily
have u no heart
for the last laments of a desperate women
doomed to perish at the hand of bridezilla
but no i wouldn’t want to take more than 20 MINUTES OF YOUR DAY
Dorcas
always so dramatic lily
Marls
a perfect match for james
besides u know i care
i just also know that i'm right
[Contact: James Potter]
Lily
hnnngghhhhhh
god
fine
spose he wasn’t the worst at christmas
could’ve done without the mistletoe pranks from his m8 but alas
desperate times
could u give him a head’s up i’ll be texting him Marls??
sigh, tHaNkS fOr aLL yOuR HeLp girls
see u in lit’rally a few secs xx
Message: Lily Evans, James Potter
Lily 12:04pm
hullo
hopefully Marlene’s messaged you but
I’m Lily
the desperate sad sack girl in need of male accompaniment
James
AH yes
lily
debbie downer from the christmas party
Lily
excuse me???? >:(
James
bollocks
no offense!
only that u were sulking during ‘escape’ and anyone
who can keep a frown through that has to be truly down
Lily
escape…?
James
u know
if u like pina coladas
or getting caught in the rain
song from the 70’s ?
Lily
aaahh
yes
well
was not at my peak form this christmas
had my sister’s engagement party
forced to chum it with her rubbish fiance and co
looks like a bloody whale, loves drills, hates me
anyways
my apologies for the lack of escape enthusiasm
hopefully that is not a dealbreaker on the wedding date front???
James
hmmm well…
Lily
u don’t want to play with me rn
i'm a woman on the brink
James
no
i suppose i can look past it
may need a redo at your sister’s reception though
Lily
may be a bit difficult considering Petunia only listens to Joni Mitchell and Coldplay
abhors anything written pre-cell phone UNLESS it’s referenced in “Love, Actually”
hence, the Joni Mitchell Exception™
James
but of course
the only woman who can make a cold english wife feel
i’d expect nothing less
may have to vom about the Coldplay bit tho
if that’s the tip of her iceberg i can only imagine the gravity of your datelessness
reckon i could make it happen
escape, that is
Lily
yes I've heard her crying to 'Yellow' one too many times
i would be very impressed if you were able to derail Tuney’s wedding with unapproved music
might swoon then and there
but yes you seem to be grasping the state of desperation I am in re: wedding date
as if it wasn’t already clear in getting an out the blue text from your cousin’s rando mate
James
lmao
nothing to worry about
i am happy to be of service
i am at your beck and call for all your wedding escort needs
once u provide me the details of the event ofc
Lily
my first beck is to purge “”escort”” from your vocabulary
no need to make me sound like I pulled you from the streets for a quick romp
[Lily’s Wedding Itinerary MUST FOLLOW.docx]
there’s the very detailed schedule i’m expected to adhere to
so i s’pose it applies to u as well
black tie, i’m wearing pale yellow as required by my sister
“farthest from the lilac bridesmaids dresses so as to avoid any confusion”
to quote her exact words
hopefully that has all the info u need
bit of a word vomit for me to send a practical stranger but
i think i’m past that point of embarrassment
James
lol ‘a romp’
that’s perfect yeah
gives me all i need to know
and way too much more
god you must be an angel to put up with this
a 12 page personal word document
at least u won’t have to endure it alone
:)
or remember it ffs its long
Lily
…
:)
one way to look at it
hopefully she’ll approve of you as date material
that or absolutely hate u
not sure at the moment which would be more pleasant for me…
James
well I’m very adaptable
we can decide that night of
if your sister doesn’t decide it for us as soon as she sees me that is
anyways
let me know if u need anything else from me before the day?
or if u would want to meet up before at all?
we could grab coffee or smt
fuck didn’t mean
not that i WOULDN’T
Lily
JAMES
lmaooo
yes that might be good
meeting up that is
I’ll overlook the stammering if you buy me a latte ;)
James
brill
i can definitely do that
so festivities start thursday?
does tuesday work for a meet up?
Lily
sounds good :)
I have a bio lecture at 11, can we meet before?
say 9?
James
Perf
see you then \o/
Lily
\o/
Group: entertainment 7/20
James 12:33pm
[screenshot]
lads
lads
lads
Sirius
“ah yes, lily”
very casual m8
you’d never know you’ve been obsessing over her since December
played it very cool
Remus
Esp love the way you immediately compared her to this woman
[debbie downer.gif]
Very smooth
I, too, would swoon
Pete
can we applaud the full sentences tho
much better than the first impression at the xmas party
bravo
James
u lot are absolutely useless
no clue why i keep u around XP
i’m just sat here in physics about to melt down because the fittest bird i’ve ever met needs me
but please
carry on harassing
Remus
Well you keep me around because I’m the only sane one
Pete
and i cook
Sirius
mum would disown u if u ditched me and u know it
James
damnit
well
u could all be a it more helpful as i have a meltdown in the middle of a lecture on acceleration
at least i think that’s what it's on
seeing as my brain SHORT CIRCUITED the minute marlene texted me
“wotcher jam, lily’s about to text u about being her date to a wedding ur fucking welcome cheers”
Sirius
what a goddamn marvel of a text to send on a wednesday morning
fucking love marlene
if she weren’t a wlw and i didn’t have rem just IMAGINE the chaos we could wreak together…
what could’ve been…
homosexuality strikes again
im gonna text her
catch up
let her know she’s a fucking legend
Remus
Ignoring all of that except my name love
In any case
You do have Marlene to thank
Pete
A real one
Sirius changed the group name to “Marlene Stans”
James
ffs
is this cyberbullying
Remus
No James
This is just credit where credit is due
Anyways
What about this wedding?
You’re going I assume
Sirius
**we demand that you go
Remus
Right
James
of course I am
I’m not stupid
I’ve already agreed
she’s sent me the bloody word document so I think it’s too late to turn back anyways
Sirius
…
Pete
uh
Remus
I’ll ask
a word doc?
For a wedding?
James
oh yeah mates her sister’s mental
12 pages of detailed instruction on how to properly attend her wedding
batshit
but Lily’s great
funny and witty
besides we all knew there was no way I was saying no to her
anyways should be an interesting way to spend an evening at the very least
Sirius
i’ll cheers to that
Remus
Sirius it’s noon
Sirius
5 o’clock somewhere and all that