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Benny studied the facial features of the girl in front of him, a smile slightly forming on his lips. The latter was sound asleep, laying on her side next to him on the bed. There was only a foot of distance between them but he craved to close that distance, just like the previous night. He was about to scoot closer when it dawned on him how the sun light was hitting her face. It's morning. They may be lovers in the night but they're nothing but friends in the morning. He pursed his lips, eyes still staring at her affectionately as he brushed her hair with his hand gently. This girl sure could make a genius like him stupid. He clicked his tongue before getting up from the bed. He picked up his clothes that were lying on the ground and put them on. He was in the middle of putting his pants on when he heard her stir on the bed.
"Benny, you awake?" He heard her say with a yawn. He picked up his shirt and put it on as he answered.
"Yeah. You should sleep more, Nancy." He said with an indifferent tone before he picked up the carton of cigarettes on her bedside table. He did not even hear her reply. He went out to the balcony of her 3rd floor studio apartment and proceeded to light one of the cigarettes.
He let out a deep sigh as he exhaled the smoke. It had been a year since their complicated relationship started. They would call themselves friends but would sleep with each other almost every other night. He did not really know what to call them but the label did not matter or at least, that was what he kept telling himself. He blew another puff of smoke as he let his mind be occupied with games of chess. It was his expertise. Relationships, on the other hand, were not.
"Are you going to stay for breakfast?" Nancy's voice came from behind him. She walked towards him and leaned her back against the railings, a beautiful smile adorning her face. She was wearing a pink night robe and she was crossing her arms against her chest.
"Nah" He replied, his tone nonchalant as he kept on smoking while staring at the horizon. She would always ask if he would stay for breakfast and he would always refuse. It was not like he did not want to stay but rather, he was afraid he would be crossing a line if he stayed. The thing about Benny was he knew his place - a fun for the night and nothing in the morning.
"I'm working late again tonight. Will you be busy?" From his peripheral vision, he could see her staring at him but he shrugged it off.
"No, I can pick you up if you like." He unlit the cigarette in his hand then threw it away.
"Thank you, Benny. You're always a great help." She said and he finally looked at her face, his expression softening for a moment before going back to his indifferent facade.
"No problem" He smiled a little and headed inside her apartment. "I'll get going now." He waved his hand and without even glancing at her one last time, he left.
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It had been more than a year since Nancy first slept with Benny, more than a year since their friendship became complicated. She always had mixed feelings about it. Making love with Benny had always been great but at the same time, she wanted to be more than a "friend he could fuck" to him. By the way the chess player would act every morning after though, she figured she would be nothing more than that. So, she would always remind herself of her place - a fun for the night and nothing in the morning. That did not mean she would not take advantage of the fun nights though. She would make up excuses for them to meet in the night. For instance, she took the late night shift on purpose so he would pick her up. She knew how desperate she seemed but she could not help it. Benny made her that way.
She was in the middle of singing at the stage of the bar where she worked when she noticed Benny in his usual get up, cowboy hat and leather jacket, join the audience. Their eyes met and she could not help feeling giddy, like some teenager with a crush. It was silly how he had that effect on her.
They did not have a chance to speak with each other until she got off from her shift. He was sitting across the bar, drinking some juice when she approached him.
"Hey," She smiled and he turned to smile back at her.
"Hey," He greeted, grabbing his hat and putting it on his head and then, he rose from his seat. "Let's go now"
There was a comfortable silence between them as they made their way to Benny's car and even until they got inside. It was broken when the radio started playing and they were both singing along. She paid attention to his every action inside the car, how he would shift gears, how he would glance at her direction every once in a while and how he would smirk every now and then. Lately, it was almost painful how much she could not help but pay attention to every little thing about him because that way, she could not help but notice how he gets colder and colder in the morning.
"And we're here" He announced as they arrived in front of her apartment building.
They both made their way inside and ten minutes later, they were sitting side by side on her bed, eating sandwiches that Nancy prepared.
"I heard about you and Beth" Hundreds of things were running inside her head and she was not expecting her mouth to choose that topic but it did. Benny raised an eyebrow, mouth full with the bread. "How you slept together"
"That was months ago" He shrugged, finishing off his sandwich. She hated how casual he sounded.
"Well, I only heard it today from Cleo." She tried to keep her voice as calm as possible. She convinced herself she's not jealous. He's not hers for her to feel anything related to that ugly emotion.
"Why were you and Cleo talking about my sex life?" He looked annoyed as he brushed his hair back. She gulped down her sandwich and shrugged.
"She knows about us." It was strange for her to say 'us', since they never really referred to them as such. "So, she told me to be careful but I don't really care. I just thought you should know that I heard about her." The truth was she wanted to gauge Benny's reaction but he just seemed annoyed they were talking about him.
"You don't care?" His voice dropped and she wondered whether that was a good sign or not.
"Why should I?" She said, smiling softly as she reached out to brush his hair.
"No reason" He replied, a slight frown forming on his lips. Still with a smile, she scooted closer towards him and pecked each corner of his lips, which made him smile. "What are you doing?"
"Trying to make you smile. It's working." At this, he chuckled deeply. His hand snaked around her waist and he pulled her into a passionate kiss. She closed her eyes, kissing him back as passionately and wrapped her arms around his neck.
That night, he pleased her so much that she forgot about him having some girl on the side, that she forgot about how she's hurting because of their relationship and that she almost forgot her place. Well, almost. When they were done, she wanted to just wrap her arms around him and fall asleep on his chest but she recalled her place. So, instead, she turned to lay on the side in which she's not facing him and tried her best to fall asleep.
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Since Nancy no longer worked the late night shift, she officially ran out of excuses to meet Benny for two weeks. That was, until her birthday. She had a small gathering in her studio apartment with her close friends, including Benny. There were booze and snacks but the party did not last long since her neighbors hated too much noise at night. While she was bidding her other friends good bye, Benny did not even bother to feign leaving. Instead, he stayed sitting on the floor next to her bed with a bottle of beer in his hand. Both of them were already drunk at the time but they drank a couple more beers before they ended up together in bed.
"I love you." The words slipped accidentally from Benny's mouth. It was followed by silence except for the sounds of their heavy breaths. They were laying on their side, staring at each other with both of them drunk and exhausted. His arm was still around her waist and he was staring at her with his dark eyes when the words just came out of him. He said the words before it occurred to him and when it did, his eyes widened. He felt himself instantly becoming sober. He screwed up.
"Do you mean that?" She also became instantly sober upon hearing Benny's confession. She tried her hardest to prevent herself from grinning like silly. She might have misheard or he might be too drunk to recognize it's her and not someone else.
"I should go." He pulled away from her and sat up. He knew that if he were to leave, he would never see her again but what choice did he have after that slip-up? Before he could move further though, she gripped his wrist and used it to support herself while sitting up.
"Stay." She said in almost a whisper. She moved closer to him and leaned her head on his bare shoulder.
He stared at the top of her head for a moment, taking note of how the city lights were illuminating her hair. It's night. He figured that she was drunk and they would probably forget about it in the morning. "Okay." He pecked the top of her head before they both laid on her bed.
The next morning, they woke up with their bodies close, arms wrapped around each other. The distance Benny always wanted to get rid of every morning was finally gone. They stared at each other for a while and Benny was afraid to move, in case things were to go back to the old normal once he did.
"Did you mean what you said last night?" Her voice came out shakily. He gave her no response and there was a nervous expression on his face. Her expression was no different as she spoke, "Was it just a drunken thing?"
"I meant it." He studied her softening facial expression. "Will that change anything?"
"Maybe." She gradually smiled and leaned in to kiss his cheek. He was staring dumbly at her face that was being illuminated by the sunlight. It's morning. "Are you going to stay for breakfast?" It took him a couple of seconds to let everything sink in.
"Sure." He said, his lips curving into a smile. It was his turn to lean in and kiss her back on the cheek. When he was about to pull away, she held his nape and kissed him on the lips softly. He kissed her back gently and in that moment, they both knew that their places changed.