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Even deep into December, Donghyuck leaves his bedroom window open, letting the cold air sweep in and buss kisses against his reddened-cheeks. Curled up in one of Jaehyun’s old sweaters Donghyuck never returned, he waits for the first snow to fall. It might be too late for a white Christmas, but the weather forecast predicted snow in time for the new year.
Maybe waking up to fresh snow piling outside his window could be his fresh slate; a new start. Maybe his marred heart could settle into something like the untouched snow outside.
(If Donghyuck were being honest with himself though, he didn’t want to move on. Not yet.)
His phone buzzes on the corner of his bedside table, the corner Donghyuck slammed his hand against one too many times in the early winter mornings while trying to shut off his alarm so he could snuggle a little longer into Jaehyun’s warm side.
“Shit,” Donghyuck hisses, furiously shaking his wrist in an attempt to ease the pain that ran up his arm. While still hazy with sleep, he takes careful effort in not being too loud lest he wakes Jaehyun slumbering beside him. His boyfriend was always a light sleeper, but during the colder seasons when he ran hottest, Jaehyun got his best sleep when undisturbed.
But Jaehyun’s Hurt!Donghyuck radar is always running full time and his slumbering boyfriend starts to rouse from his sleep. “Hyuck?” he rasps, bleary eyes trying to see what it was that hurt his baby.
At the sight of Donghyuck cradling his hand with an exaggerated pout, Jaehyun breathes out a short laugh, “Was the table being mean to my baby again?” He tugs on Donghyuck’s uninjured arm and gently pulls him into his embrace, like he could cocoon Donghyuck from all the dangers in the world.
“Don’t tease me,” Donghyuck whines, tucked into Jaehyun's warm nape. His pout had already melted into a soft smile, even if he tries to hide it from Jaehyun's knowing face.
And Jaehyun, Donghyuck-soft Jaehyun who would never deny him anything, does the best next thing to placate his baby. He grasps the injured hand into a tender clasp and presses a loving kiss against it. “All better?”
Donghyuck, however, isn’t looking at him but rather over his shoulder. “Look outside baby, it’s snowing!”
Jaehyun could turn around to look at what he knows to be a beautiful sight, but how could that ever compete with the beautiful sight that’s lying in his arms? “So it is,” he murmurs before pulling Donghyuck into a kiss, taking both of their breaths away as snow continues to fall outside their window.
Donghyuck nearly leaps off his bed to see who the notification was from, scoffing at himself for getting his hopes up when it’s only a message from a group chat. His hand bangs against the table when he tries to toss his phone aside, immediately hissing from the corner jab. He holds his throbbing hand close to him and turns around to-
He harshly bites his lip.
Jaehyun’s not here to kiss it better.
Jaehyun’s not here at all.
Donghyuck’s eyes start to well up with tears, the burning in his chest that he's grown familiar with in these past months crawling up the back of his throat in a mutiny to overwhelm him. The biting wind makes it almost easier for him to choke back his tears.
His phone buzzes again from where it sits on the floor, no doubt for the New Year’s Eve party Taeyong hosts annually. It was an event he normally looked forward to every year.
But not this year, not if that meant having to pretend that he’s been fine these past months. Especially if that meant having to see Jaehyun actually being just fine not by his side.
“I’ve come to rescue you,” Jaehyun whispers into Donghyuck’s ear, somehow managing to slip Donghyuck away from the mind-numbing conversation he’s been trying to escape from with one of Doyoung’s colleagues. It’s unfair how with only a charming smile and a vague excuse, they were effortlessly let go.
(It’s the dimples, Donghyuck thinks. They charm everyone.)
They abandon the lively party for the calm balcony, away from wandering eyes and rambling co-workers. Of course payback for their ditching is the below freezing weather that greets them, but it’s a sacrifice that they take. Well, a sacrifice that Jaehyun has to take.
Bunched in Jaehyun’s expensive Italian coat, Donghyuck actually feels quite warm.
“Aren’t I the lucky one?” Donghyuck says when Jaehyun drapes his coat over Donghyuck’s smaller frame. He doesn’t miss this chance to plant kisses on Donghyuck’s face much to Donghyuck’s delighted squeals. Jaehyun only stops to wrap his arms around his boyfriend and sway them gently back and forth as they enjoy the view from Taeyong’s balcony.
“I can see why Taeyong treated the downpayment to this place like he was signing away his first born,” Donghyuck muses, internally drawing pleasure when the sound of Jaehyun’s unconstrained laugh echoes into the night sky.
Soon powdery snow starts to fall. Donghyuck wiggles out of Jaehyun’s warm embrace to reach out for the snowflakes, cupping his hands and laughing with delight when he’s able to catch some.
Unbeknownst to him, with eyes crinkled with enough adoration to melt the snow around them, Jaehyun thinks to himself, “I’m the lucky one.”
Donghyuck knows he needs to move on. If not for himself, then only for all of their mutual friends to stop staring at him with such pity in their eyes.
It wasn’t like they only dated for a few months. For the past 4 years, Donghyuck and Jaehyun had weaved bits and pieces of themselves into a tapestry that depicted home. Donghyuck had once thought their love could outlast even the gods’ temper, that any piece blasted from the loom could be repaired with enough love and understanding.
If they had just tried, they could do it.
Even with all their effort, nothing could have stopped their woven home from being snipped into loose thread, slipping through their fingers. Donghyuck could only clutch the patches that had yet to unravel close to him, too terrified to unfurl his fists. Every time he reaches out to unfurl a memory, strands of them are forever lost.
In the end, their tapestry became a story Donghyuck couldn’t finish.
An ending he couldn't bear to bid goodbye to.
Snuggled into the oversized Snuggie his brother gave him last Christmas, Donghyuck loads the Hallmark movie Jaehyun suggested for their movie date tonight up on his laptop. With popcorn to his left and mugs of hot chocolate to his right, the only thing he was missing now was his boyfriend, who was supposed to be here 10 minutes ago and is currently nowhere to be seen.
“Well if the popcorn’s gone by the time he arrives, it’s on him,” Donghyuck huffs trying to play off any unease he felt.
The roads have been icy of late and if it snowed like the weather had predicted earlier today, then all that slush could lead to accidents. The building in front of his still had sheets to cover the hole left from a car ramming straight into the wall last week.
No, no, bad thoughts, Donghyuck lectures himself. After a few more minutes however, the growing unease doesn’t let up and Donghyuck’s twitchiness only increases. Unable to stand the tension anymore, he reaches for his phone, desperate to check up on his boyfriend and make sure that he’s fine, that it was only Donghyuck overthinking things again.
Before he could however, Donghyuck hears his name being called from outside. Not outside his apartment door though. Outside his window.
Peering up from the ground is his boyfriend, crooning into a small bouquet of sunflowers.
“I love you, baby
And if it’s quite alright
I need you, baby
To warm my lonely nights”Jaehyun waggles his eyebrows during the last line, with the jarring difference from the sweet lines he was crooning prompting Donghyuck to snort into peels of laughter. Puffs of condensation float down, Donghyuck's cheeks blooming from the overwhelming waves of fondness.
How lucky was he, to love and to be loved this warmly?
With the last notes fading through the still night, Jaehyun makes a heart above his head, eyes crinkling into that smile that Donghyuck loves so much. Donghyuck pretends to swoon from where he stands, and his antics are rewarded by the sound of Jaehyun’s barking laughter.
From below, Jaehyun casually motions at him to come down like he isn’t trying to lure Donghyuck down into the freezing tundra.
“But it’s so cold,” Donghyuck whines, even stomping his foot for greater comedic effect. Unluckily for him, Jaehyun finds even bratty Donghyuck to be endearing and only coos at his whining.
“Baby,” Jaehyun says and that was just u n f a i r.
He can withstand this. Donghyuck is a strong, independent, young man who doesn’t fall for dirty tricks like that.
...
Who was he kidding. Quickly shedding the Snuggie, an idea comes to Donghyuck’s mischievous mind. Even from below Jaehyun can see the twinkle in his boyfriend’s eyes that spell out to no good but that realization doesn’t come fast enough for him to respond.
Because his boyfriend is already throwing himself off the windowsill with a “Catch me!” that has Jaehyun dropping the flowers in his scrambling to reach him in time.
“Oof,” he grunts from the impact of Donghyuck falling to his arms. “Hyuck,” Jaehyuck sighs mirthfully, adjusting Donghyuck in his grasp so that he could cradle Donghyuck like the bundle of treasure he is, “You’re lucky I have quick reflexes.”
Donghyuck didn’t worry though; Jaehyun always caught him.
Looping his arms around Jaehyun, Donghyuck pulls him into a kiss in lieu of an apology. He smiles against the consequent kiss Jaehyun instigates, cupping Jaehyun’s face in his hand when Jaehyun pulls away. He doesn’t want to move away and from how Jaehyun quickly chases his lips after that, it seems like neither does his boyfriend.
It's only when the first snow gently drifts onto Jaehyun’s bangs, does Donghyuck finally breaks away, much to Jaehyun’s pouting, to glance up at the sky.
“You know they say when you’re with someone you love during the first snowfall, you’ll be together for a long time,” Donghyuck says softly.
“Yeah?” Jaehyun smiles, “Then I’ll be with you for all the first snow falls to come.”
The sincerity in his voice, the quiet promise interwoven between the lines, even just the way Jaehyun seems to hold him that much tenderly, all of it brings a sheen to Donghyuck's eyes. How could he respond to that declaration?
Donghyuck presses a soft kiss on Jaehyun's exposed collarbone, then another under his jaw, lingering between each kiss. He feels Jaehyun's neck trembling under his lips in clear restraint from reaching out to kiss him senseless.
With a shaky exhale, Donghyuck cranes up to kiss the corner of Jaehyun's lips, not missing the sharp breath Jaehyun makes as he pulls away. All this time, Donghyuck's kept his eyes lowered so when he looks up to meet Jaehyun's smoldering gaze, his heart stutters.
"I'll be waiting," he rasps.
He lurches forward, Jaehyun's already meeting him halfway to capture him a bruising kiss, heat searing to the tips of his fingers and toes. Again and again, each time when Donghyuck gasps for breath, Jaehyun follows after him like a man craved for air.
As their heated kisses start to subside into something more languid that sends shivers down Donghyuck's spine, snow continues to fall around them like the skies were happy with them. Here, trading kisses in Jaehyun's arms, Donghyuck's heart's never felt fuller.
When a stray tear falls down Donghyuck's face, Jaehyun kisses that away too, brushing his lips against Donghyuck's eyelid. Words didn't need to be exchanged, Jaehyun knows Donghyuck too well to be able to tell these were happy tears. He thumbs the corner of Donghyuck's lips, tapping it twice before swooping in to place a chaste kiss there.
There was no need to rush when they had all the time in the world.
The sprinkling of white on his windowsill catches Donghyuck’s eye and he strays over to his open window. Snowflakes land on his hand, only able to last a second before dispersing into puddles of water. Donghyuck sticks his head outside and pretends that the liquid on his hand is only melting snow, even if the tracks on his face tell another story.
Here the first snowfall arrives and here Donghyuck is, still waiting for Jaehyun to come back.
***
Across the city in his own apartment, Jaehyun takes a moment from wrapping his scarf around his neck to look at the sight of falling snow. Was it supposed to snow today? he thinks to himself as he absently adjusts his clothes in the mirror.
Ah.
His hands fall listlessly to his side. Unable to bear looking at the emotions he doesn’t want to place on his face, Jaehyun turns away.
He shifts his attention back out the window and Jaehyun can’t help but to think of someone he hasn’t seen for 3 months, 2 weeks, 5 days. That doesn't stop the memory of Donghyuck from constantly occupying his mind when everything around him is a reminder of when they were alright.
“He always had a habit of leaving the window open during this time of year,” Jaehyun quietly says. Even if the gusts of winds irritate his skin or made his nose run. Even though he was sensitive to the cold, he’d leave the window open because Jaehyun was there to-
Jaehyun stops himself from falling down that path any further. He quickly grabs his keys and wallet, reaching out for his phone before pausing.
Donghyuck’s grinning face flashes in his mind.
He hesitates.
That smile morphs into quivering sobs that echoes in his ears.
Jaehyun flinches, barely able to stop himself from making a choked cry. With a shaky breath, Jaehyun turns his phone off and leaves it behind.
Walking away and closing the door on them.
“Then this will be ours. Every first snowfall of the year, I’ll come find you.”
“Promise?”
“Promise.”