Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Kim Seungmin was dead.

He was dead. Irreversibly so. As dead as one can be. He was dead.

He was dead, and Hyunjin had been a guest at his funeral. In fact, there had been over three hundred people there, and even the press had participated. It had been a big funeral, but Hyunjin thought Seungmin would have deserved bigger. Something grand. Something that their little town would never forget. 

Or well, not that they would ever forget him, anyway. See, Seungmin’s death wasn’t a natural one. Or it was, that’s what the pathologist and coroner had said. There were no signs of anything, his heart had just stopped, in the middle of the morning, that’s what the press had said, that’s what Hyunjin had heard from the rumors. He had just died, at his bus stop, waiting for his bus to get to his grandmother in the next town over. They had found his body slumped against the glass wall of the stop, still a little warm.

Obviously, this had shocked their entire little city. Who just drops dead in the middle of the day like that? Let alone a 20-year-old student council member, on his merry way to be the next president? Had there been foul play? Was it a murder? Hyunjin wanted to believe that. He needed to believe that, because he needed something to direct his anger to. Anger, that stemmed from losing, of things left unsaid.

He had spent the last two weeks in this haze, where nothing seemed to matter. The funeral had been two weeks ago, his sudden death had happened a month ago. Hyunjin felt awful. He felt nauseous when he even thought about it. He had never lost anyone except his grandfather from his mother’s side, and death was something new to him, and it was horrible and he’d have rather never had to deal with it again. Obviously he’d have to, just perhaps not… this way.

Seungmin’s death was a mystery to everyone. It was all the press talked about for two weeks up until the funeral, after that they completely dropped the topic. Forgot about it. Hyunjin was mad about that, too, he didn’t want anyone to forget, he wanted to find the guilty ones. But there were no guilty ones, there was no poison, no signs of violence, nothing. The police didn’t investigate, they did nothing, “it was natural”, that’s what they said. It wasn’t natural. Hyunjin didn’t want to believe it was.

Hyunjin’s parents didn’t really understand, why Hyunjin was so sad about the death, why his grief ran so deep. Hyunjin didn’t really understand that either – he hadn’t been all that close to Seungmin. They were in some same classes, they also had been in the same class back in high school, they had done a few projects together, they said hi to each other in the hallways. They didn’t hang out, they didn’t have the same friends, they hadn’t much in common. Or well. Hadn’t had.

But what Hyunjin had had, and probably still did, because he was unable to let go, was a crush.

A crush, that simply had not let go in the past two years. He knew exactly when it had developed – at their chemistry class back in high school, when Seungmin had glanced at him from the other side of the desk and said: “you’re not as stupid as they make you out to be”. That had been it, and Hyunjin had fallen, and it was stupid, because that was it. Of course, Hyunjin had sometimes tried to strike up a conversation, but Seungmin was always busy and Hyunjin had his own friends and to them Seungmin was just another nerd. Which was incredibly stupid. They were in university, for god’s sake!

Or well. Had been. Hyunjin still was. Seungmin wasn’t. He was dead.

The reason why the funeral had been so big was the press coverage it had got, everyone was grieving the bright student Kim Seungmin, who had reached for the stars, but never quite got there, no matter if they had actually known him in real life or not. There had been a few speeches of how he had loved books, how he had always had a smile on his face and how he had helped at the animal shelter a few blocks away from his home every holiday and even on some weekends. He had been a good kid, that’s what they all said. And they were true, he had. He had been a good kid. He had been better than most people. Smart and kind and gentle and he had been one of the very few ones to see Hyunjin as something else than his basketball tank.

But now he was dead. Kim Seungmin was dead, and Hyunjin still couldn’t really believe it. The university halls felt a little darker. A little more suffocating. A lot less exciting. They hadn’t been all that with Kim Seungmin’s smile still within them.

***

The weeks bled into months. Three months, to be exact, Hyunjin somehow got through his haze, got through the bad days, started to let go. Seungmin was dead, and there was nothing he could do to change that, that was a fact. Daehwi was appointed as the new secretary, he had already been in the council anyway, they decided not to hold a new vote for the council members. Smart, probably. Hyunjin didn’t know, he wasn’t all that interested in their doings, he had been when Seungmin had still been with them.

His basketball team got him through the worst. “Come on, Hyunjin, stop moping, let’s go have a drink”, and oh, Hyunjin did have a drink. Ended up sobbing on the sidewalk, too drunk to find his way home in their little town. That had been somewhat liberating, Hyunjin didn’t really drink, but somehow that had cleared his head. He had cried against his best friend’s shoulder about his stupid crush (the only one who had even known about it in the first place) being dead and he had got everything out of his system, and that had somehow helped him get through the haze. That, and time. Time had the tendency to heal the wounds, or perhaps not heal, just… it made him forget. Forget the pain. Hyunjin didn’t remember anymore the pain he had felt, when one of his classmates had rushed into the lecture hall and announced that they had found Kim Seungmin’s body from his bus stop. It had been 9:05 in the morning, Hyunjin remembered it clearly. But he didn’t remember the pain anymore. Time took it with it.

But now he was getting better. Living from one day to another, getting back to his own self. Maybe he had learned something from all this, maybe not, one thing he knew was that he’d not open his heart to anyone in a long time. He was too vulnerable for that. Not that anyone around him knew it, “Hyunjin, we need to get you a new crush or something, or at least to get you laid”, his best friend had drunkenly slurred in his ear last weekend and Hyunjin had just smirked and his best friend had had no idea that Hyunjin would not do that. Definitely not.  But he was just a stupid jock with clown tendencies, so not that anyone would listen or believe him.

That’s what he was. A jock by the normative standards. That’s what they called him in the hallways of the university, which was stupid, life wasn’t an American coming of age-movie. Hyunjin was also a jock by the normative standards since he got in with a sports scholarship because he didn’t excel all that well in other sorts of subjects (or well… in any of them) and he was a part of the university basketball team. Along with a few other teams and clubs, but those were just for the joy of it, not something Hyunjin wanted to actually succeed in. So, a jock.

Thank god their university even offered sports scholarships, otherwise Hyunjin would have been a lost cause. He was a jock, and he was stupid, that was what he had been told his entire life, he wouldn’t be in the university if it wasn’t for his skills in sports. Maths didn’t make sense to him, reading was horrible because the words just didn’t have any meaning and he couldn’t focus long enough to read one page, so, sports were his only option. Not that he even cared about anything else. Not that he ever had been given much of a choice to care about anything else.

Hyunjin closed the door to his house behind him, only after locking it checking that he still had the keys with him (he had never learned to check them before and that had cost him quite many hours of waiting for his parents in his twenty years of living). His class would start in half an hour, he wasn’t in a hurry, he lived a fifteen-minute walk away from the university. Before he’d have left ten minutes before the class and be five minutes late because he simply did not care, but perhaps something had changed in him three months ago.

So he was a jock, and god, how he hated that word. He just liked sports, alright! He liked basketball! He liked football! He liked running and feeling the ache in his muscles after a workout and how protein shakes tasted! And yea, he may have been a bit stupid, and a bit of a ‘class clown’, and a little loud, but he was so much more than that stupid word, too! He had feelings, his mind went deeper than that, he wasn’t always the class clown and sometimes the words “oh Hyunjin, you’re so dumb, don’t bother yourself with it” really hurt.  But not that anyone really cared, they only cared about him when he pulled on his basketball tank.

It was a rainy day, the spring semester was half-way done, and after that Hyunjin’s first year at the university would be over. The skies were gray, Hyunjin avoided stepping on puddles, a car passed by him. The city he lived in wasn’t a big one, it was quite small, actually, one of those ones that the still-running government-funded university barely kept alive. During summers the city was quiet as everyone left to spend their holidays with their families, or to work elsewhere. Hyunjin liked it, the little town, it was cozy, homely, he knew every single street and alley in there, every single corner and café and shop. Okay, not every single one of them, but most of them, it wasn’t that small of a town. Hyunjin still lived with his parents, he didn’t see a reason to move on his own yet, maybe after the third year when he’d start studying for his master’s degree after completing his bachelor’s, but that was still years away and Hyunjin didn’t want to think about it. And perhaps Hyunjin was a little bit of a momma’s boy, so, he very much liked living with his parents. His parents were cool, supportive, gentle, the best parents he could have ever asked for.

Hyunjin turned around from the corner of the street, headed down the little hill, passed by a few smaller boutiques and a café. Seungmin’s home had been opposite to that café in a small apartment building. After the… tragic incident his parents and sister had moved away to another town, and now the apartment was empty. Hyunjin’s phone buzzed, someone sent him a text message, “wya” it said, Hyunjin answered to it with an “omw”. His best friend, the only one that actually bothered to still look after him. The others were sick of his sadness, he knew it, he had overheard it in one of those parties everyone went.

Alright, perhaps Hyunjin was being a little harsh, his best friend was his best friend for a reason, they had known each other for years and been there for each other through thick and thin. Sometimes his best friend just… well, he wasn’t very good at handling other people that were grieving. Or sad. Or feeling anything. He wasn’t perfect, but neither was Hyunjin, who was unable to talk about his feelings to anyone, so he just masked them behind a smirk and a “hey, do we have a party or a game this weekend?” because it was his duty to be the dumb one who couldn’t remember the timetable as far as the next weekend.

That was actually true, Hyunjin had a horrible habit of mixing up the dates because he had a hard time with numbers. He desperately needed to buy a calendar. Not that he’d ever do that, because then he’d forget to write the events and parties and games down. He knew himself that well. So he was just going to stick to being the dumb one, that was what he had been successful at so far.

Down the hill, to the right, pass the little park and a few university buildings, in through the large doors, up the stairs and in through the first door on the left. Hyunjin dropped his backpack on the ground and slumped down on the seat in the last row.
“Took you long enough.”
“Shut up, the class hasn’t even started yet”, Hyunjin mumbled to his friend. Kim Younghoon handed Hyunjin a cup of coffee he had got on his way to class. Younghoon was a few years older than Hyunjin, but they were still in the same class as it had taken Younghoon a few years to get into university (and perhaps he and Hyunjin had made a deal years ago that the one wouldn’t go without the other and now they had ended up in the same year, same classes, same everything, as they had planned). Younghoon was also in the basketball team, naturally, he and Hyunjin had become friends years ago when Hyunjin had been chosen from the kids’ basketball team to continue in the teens’ team.

Though, their town was a small one, they would have met sooner or later and become friends, anyway.

The professor walked in, the lecture started, it was an English lecture, and Hyunjin turned his attention from Younghoon to the old and graying professor. And perhaps after five minutes Younghoon demanded it back with a “are you coming to the party this weekend?” and Hyunjin nodded, trying to focus on the professor. He had to. He had to get through university somehow, and he learned better by listening than by reading, so he had to listen. And then Younghoon started whispering again about this party and something that had happened last weekend and then his phone buzzed and it was all too difficult for Hyunjin to focus. He sighed and leaned against the backrest of his bench and then remembered to fish out his laptop from his bag. Not that he’d be taking any notes anyway.

Younghoon was excited about the party, he always was. Hyunjin really wasn’t. Sure, he’d go, it was expected of him, and he liked partying in some instances, he liked losing himself into the music and forgetting everything and fogging up his memories, but still… he just… didn’t feel like partying. All the uni parties were the same, there were always the same people and the next week would be just talking about those parties, who kissed who, who was found with who in the bathroom and yada yada. Hyunjin didn’t understand who cared about such things. Let people kiss! Let people bang in peace! It wasn’t anyone else’s business but themselves.

That was a downside of living in a small town with people you had known for most of your life (of course, the university brought some new faces, too, but after a while those weren’t so new anymore). Everyone knew everyone’s business. Hyunjin liked his privacy, but since he was in the basketball team, and considered to be somewhat good-looking apparently, well… he couldn’t kiss anyone in a party without everyone hearing about it by the next week. Not that he’d want to kiss anyone. Not anymore.

And his thoughts were back on Seungmin, and his focus was now long gone. Was this even alright? Miss someone this much when you don’t really even know them all that well? Was it even a crush, had Hyunjin just been obsessed or something? He didn’t really know. For a moment, a year ago he had thought he had got over his crush and then Seungmin had smiled at him as he had asked Hyunjin to talk to the basketball team about their participation in the town’s Christmas market where they had gathered funds for the local kindergarten and Hyunjin had just stupidly smiled and nodded and promised he’d talk to them about it and lo and behold, he had actually remembered to talk to his team about it! And Seungmin had been so smiley at the market and Hyunjin’s heart had done a thousand leaps in his chest and now it was all gone. No Christmas market, no Seungmin, the kindergarten was up for demolition as they had found mold in the structures, their funds hadn’t saved the place. Jesus, life could really suck, Hyunjin had learned that by now.

Younghoon nudged Hyunjin’s arm, they had to do an assignment in English and write a paper in pairs for next week. Hyunjin was sufficient in English, he knew he’d be the one doing the paper, he wasn’t all that good when it came to grammar, but he had learned his fair share of the language simply by listening and using it. The minutes passed by, Hyunjin managed to focus for a while again, then Younghoon nudged his arm again and showed him something funny from his phone and Hyunjin had to contain his laughter, it was always like this. And university students were supposed to be adults, hah! The two of them surely weren’t.

The professor dismissed the class, Younghoon and Hyunjin packed their things and headed for the cafeteria where the rest of their friend group was waiting for them, some of them part of the basketball team, too. Hyunjin didn’t really feel all that close to them, he had got to know most of them only this year as they had moved from elsewhere to study in their university. On their way to the cafeteria Hyunjin tugged his black hair in a half ponytail, exchanged a few his and hellos and smiles and glanced at the spot on the windowsill where Seungmin had used to sit every time he had nowhere to go, which wasn’t very often. It was unconscious, Hyunjin didn’t even realize he was doing it, really, not anymore. It had become a habit.

Hyunjin liked his university. It was an old one, some of the buildings were over two hundred years old. A lot of stone and high halls and earthy colors. It was one of the reasons the university was still running, it was so old, despite having lost its spark as all the kids wanted to move to bigger cities to study. The university wasn’t the only old thing around their little town is, the town was full of old buildings, the library, the church, the city hall, all of them were old. Hyunjin liked it. There was feeling to it, even if the pulse of the big cities was also enticing and intoxicating, he didn’t find similar comfort in them as he did in his little city. Younghoon didn’t like the town, it was too small for him, he’s always been the one to reach for bigger.

Hyunjin paid for his lunch, sat on a table full of his friends, Younghoon sat opposite to him. The table was next to the window, Hyunjin could see the university grounds, the park that was slowly waking up from its winter slumber. Daehwi walked by and nodded his head in an acknowledgement of Hyunjin, Hyunjin did the same. They had used to be better friends, nowadays they were just… acquaintances. He passed by their table to join his friends.
“How’s today’s practice? Hwang, you coming to run a few rounds before it?” A teammate slapped Hyunjin on his shoulder. He was also a few years older than him, Hyunjin was known as the baby of the group.
“Sure”, Hyunjin replied, Younghoon promised to join them as well.

Mindless chatter, Hyunjin didn’t really join it, not this time, unless he had something funny to say. These people didn’t really care for him, they were going to be his friends in university and after that they’d just be gone, Hyunjin knew it. He knew the type of people these people were. Hyunjin just wanted someone that would stay, actually understand him, someone else than Younghoon, because Younghoon didn’t really… understand. Not in a way Hyunjin would like him to, but Hyunjin didn’t know how to put it into words, let alone how to search for such a person that would understand him.

His parents did. Mostly. Or well, they also thought Hyunjin was a bit of a dumbass when he was just forgetful and didn’t know maths, and was always a little head in the clouds, but they still understood him better than most of the people around him. But hey, Hyunjin was a boy in his twenties, getting out of the teenage years, he didn’t talk about everything to his parents, no one his age did. More mindless chatter, Hyunjin finished his lunch, and after a few minutes left the table to head for his next class. Some stupid obligatory thing for the first-years, Younghoon was in a different group, unfortunately.

The university halls had quieted down a bit as everyone was running to their post-lunch classes. Someone said hi to Hyunjin, Hyunjin couldn’t remember their name but smiled nevertheless, perhaps he had met them in a party or something. The sun peeked through the clouds as it had stopped raining, sunbeams danced against the dust of the hallway. Hyunjin turned from a corner and reached his next class, a little late, nothing new to the professor.

The next hours went by in a haze, Hyunjin listened to most of the lecture and he was proud of himself. Perhaps he’d even remember something from the class next week (or not, as it wasn’t such an interesting one, he had a tendency to only remember things that were at least somewhat interesting to him). His class was dismissed, Hyunjin headed for the gym, they were going to run a few laps around the sports field. Thank god the rain had ended, although the tracks were probably still wet. Hyunjin would have to be careful to not trip on his own feet.

On his way to the locker rooms at the gym he passed by the glass cabinet that held most of the prizes and trophies and other certificates of success that the university and its students had received over the years. He knew there was a photo of Hyunjin and his basketball team, of the student council, of a few other teams as well, they were changed as the ensemble changed at the beginning of every year. Hyunjin still hadn’t won any trophies for the university as the big games were still ahead of him, the tournament between the universities was going to start next month and last through the rest of the year until summer. Hyunjin was looking forward to it, he really was, he had heard so many good things of those two months full of games and partying and more games and training and Hyunjin couldn’t wait to get his head out of the gutter that was his mind to something else.

Hyunjin slowed down his walk, just to admire the trophies in that cabinet, he wasn’t in a hurry. His eyes traveled on the photo of the student council that was in the middle of the cabinet, next to the photo of the basketball team, below the trophy the last year’s chess team had won (Seungmin had been a part of that team, too). He studied the picture – something was off, he could feel it.

And then he realized, he couldn’t find the familiar brown locks from it. He couldn’t find that familiar smile from it. He couldn’t find Seungmin from the picture. Hyunjin stopped in his tracks and just stared at the picture. It was the same picture, it was, Daehwi was wearing the same light brown woolen shirt, and he was supposed to stand next to Seungmin, but he… wasn’t. There was no one next to him. There was no Seungmin.

Had they changed the picture? Had they photoshopped him out of it? Anger flashed in Hyunjin’s chest. Had they taken a new picture? No, they hadn’t, it was the same picture, taken on a sunny autumn afternoon at the park next to the university. Seungmin was supposed to be in that picture, next to Daehwi, next to the council president, but he wasn’t. There was no one there.

And it seemed like there never had been anyone there.

“Hey, Hwang, what are you staring at? Don’t worry, you look amazing in that picture!” Hyunjin nearly squeaked, he hadn’t heard Juyeon approaching. He wasn’t in the basketball team, but he sometimes joined their practices as a spare team member if one of their own team members was unable to come.
“I know, I know”, Hyunjin laughed, but there was no joy in it. Juyeon threw his arm around Hyunjin’s shoulders and dragged him along the hall towards the door at the end that led to the gym. The gym was in a different building, in a new one. They’d have to cross the front lawn to get to it.
“How was your day? C’mon, we have some running to do.”

***

Hyunjin was sweating, his jersey stuck against his back. They were practicing for the weekend’s practice game, going all in, Hyunjin felt his muscles aching, he knew all the running before the actual practice had everything to do with it. But oh, how he was enjoying it all. Basketball was something he was actually good that, and all his teammates knew he was good, too, he didn’t have to listen to them telling him how dumb he was once he stepped on the field. He had eye for the game, more than his teammates, that’s what they all said to him. He ran fast, he threw well, especially from a distance. That’s why they had made him the shooting guard in the game.

Younghoon threw the ball, Hyunjin caught it before another teammate that was playing in the team opposing Hyunjin’s, bounced it on the ground a few times and threw it. Damn it, missed the hoop, just barely.
“Breaktime! We’ll continue in five!” Their captain announced before jogging off the field, Hyunjin jogged off as well to his backpack, he fished out his water bottle from its pocket. There were a few people sitting on the benches around the court, watching their practice. Tomorrow they’d have a real practice with their coach, she wasn’t present this time as she had some business elsewhere.

And after a five they continued, Hyunjin had to retie his hair, he needed to buy new hair ties very soon, the old ones were getting loose and he didn’t like it. Daehwi stopped by, he had something to discuss with the captain, and Hyunjin remembered the photo once again, he had forgot it the second Juyeon had dragged him along. Where the hell was Seungmin? Had they photoshopped him out of the photo? That was rude. Really rude. Or was someone playing some sick joke and replaced the pictures? Hyunjin would have to ask Daehwi, but not now, maybe later, if he’d see him somewhere alone because Hyunjin didn’t need people talking and he was also perhaps a little shy, under all that cover of confidence he had built around himself.

But that was a secret and he was going to take it to his grave with him, he actually feared talking to new people or people he didn’t know all that well (anymore) but he just masked it all behind that Cheshire grin of his. He had got good at it, and usually Younghoon was with him, so, he did the talking and Hyunjin did the pretty looks. That’s how it had always been, that’s how they had got into the better circles of the college, that’s how they had got all the party invitations. It was stupid, but it worked, and Hyunjin didn’t have to struggle with his words and overthink everything (“Doesn’t fit your pretty head, let me do the talking”, that’s what Younghoon always said).

And here he was, overthinking the photo situation again and missed the ball.
“Hwang! Get your head in the game!”
Hyunjin’s cheeks burned in embarrassment, “Sorry”, he yelled over his shoulder as he jogged to get the ball from the side of the court where it had rolled. A throw, some yells, another throw, Hyunjin ran, he laughed, he threw the ball through the hoop a few times, scored for his team and very soon he lost himself in the game once again, forgetting all about the distorted picture at the glass cabinet along the hallway.

It wasn’t until seven in the evening that he got out of the college building, Juyeon and Younghoon walking with him, they were chatting about the upcoming friendly match against the neighboring city’s university team. Juyeon had insisted Hyunjin would stay with him after the practice for some cardio, and Hyunjin had of course said yes, because he was too kind to say no, and Younghoon had decided to stay with them. Hyunjin would have rather actually gone home, but it wasn’t like him to turn down such a request. Now he was tired, and if his muscles had been aching before, they were nearly hurting now.

The sun painted the sky orange, it was receding down below the horizon, turning the day to a beautiful end. The streetlights were slowly lighting up as the sunlight wasn’t enough for them anymore, and the dim of the evening approached. The gravel underneath Hyunjin’s sneakers crunched as the trio walked through the university buildings to the street that lead towards the city center. Hyunjin didn’t pay much attention to his friends.

They parted in one street corner, Juyeon and Younghoon continued their travel towards the center, Younghoon lived in his own apartment only a few blocks away. Hyunjin had a slightly longer walk ahead of him. He said goodbye to his friends, adjusted the strap of his backpack on his shoulder and turned away, walked down the same street he always did. The night slowly dawned upon him, Hyunjin said hi to the café owner lady on one street corner, he very often stopped by to get a coffee from there in the mornings. The lady had a very cute dog that often accompanied her to the café. Hyunjin would have loved to get his own, but his father was allergic to dogs so… not now, maybe in the future if Hyunjin were to ever get his own apartment.

Hyunjin passed by a tattoo parlor, then a flower shop, then another café and a bookstore. He remembered that he had often seen Seungmin in that store, as he lived closeby, and he liked reading. Had lived. Had liked. And there he was, in his thoughts again. What was it? They didn’t have that kind of special bond, they barely knew each other, and still Hyunjin was unable to let properly go, even if the pain had vanished. Was it because this was the first time Hyunjin really faced death? That he actually understood what it meant? Was it that he had a crush on the boy, and now he was gone?

Did he still have a crush on him? He did get the funny feeling every time he looked at that one picture they had taken a year ago at the high school ending party, Hyunjin had been drunk and decided that he wanted a photo with his crush. Seungmin hadn’t been all that sober, either, he had had a red nose and a hazy glaze over his eyes and he had been smiling from ear to ear. Daehwi had taken that photo, he had been Seungmin’s close friend back then. So perhaps the crush still hadn’t really let go.

Hyunjin sighed, he didn’t know, he kicked an empty can away from his feet before realizing that it was stupid, he ran back and picked it up from the ground. He searched for a garbage bin with his eyes around the street and spotted one, at the bus stop ahead of him.

It was that bus stop. Hyunjin swallowed, he felt a lump in his throat. It was that bus stop. That was the one where they had found Seungmin. Or rather, Seungmin’s body, at 8:43 in the morning. What had he been even doing there? He had had a ten-minute walk to school, he didn’t need to take the bus. Oh, right, his sick grandmother, Hyunjin remembered it now. He had probably decided to go see her a town over before his classes.

Hyunjin breathed in and gathered his thoughts. It was just a bus stop, Hyunjin had walked by it countless of times. Just a bus stop. Only a bus stop. Nothing but a bus stop with glass walls, a rubbish bin and the timetables for the buses around the county. Hyunjin swallowed again as he walked up to the bus stop, circled around it, and threw the empty soda can into the trash. It was mostly full, Hyunjin hoped someone would come empty it soon, or otherwise the trash would start to overflow and fly all over the bus stop, and that would be disgusting.

It was just a bus stop. Nothing but a bus stop. Hyunjin sighed, this was so dumb of him, to get all worked up because of a bus stop, he adjusted the strap on his backpack as it had started sliding down his shoulder again. Then he glanced at his reflection in the glass in front of him,

and staring back at him was the reflection of Kim Seungmin.

Chapter Text

Hyunjin froze in his tracks. His grip of the strap of his backpack on his shoulder tightened, he forgot how to breathe. From the reflection of the window on the bus stop was staring back at him none other than Kim Seungmin. Seungmin blinked, once, twice, before a confused expression fell over his features, knitted his brows together, parted his lips just a bit, he took a step back.

Why was Seungmin in the reflection of the bus stop? Was he mistaken? No. Hyunjin would have recognized Seungmin from anywhere, from any distance, and now it seemed like he was standing only two meters away from him, on the other side of the bus stop.

Hyunjin reached forwards, gasped for air, and then – gone.

It was all gone. Seungmin’s reflection vanished.

Hyunjin took another step back, a bus passed from behind him, awakening him from his trance. He hurriedly circled the bus stop, but nothing. There was no Seungmin. Just a puddle of water, and a preteen passing by along the road, eyeing weirdly at Hyunjin.

What the hell?

What the hell?!

Hyunjin had seen that, right? His mind wasn’t playing tricks on him? He had seen Seungmin in that reflection, he had, he definitely had! He knew those slightly curly locks, those deep brown eyes, he could recognize them from anywhere. Hyunjin circled back to the front of the bus stop, but nothing, just his own reflection in the yellow of the streetlights.

He had seen that. He had seen Seungmin. Hyunjin was certain of it. His heart pounded, his palms felt clammy, he felt a knot tightening in his throat. What the fuck?

What the fuck?!

Hyunjin felt like panicking. He felt it crawling from the back of his neck, tingling his sides. What the hell? That couldn’t be right. Hyunjin hadn’t seen anything, there was nothing in the reflection. But why had Seungmin’s expression changed? Why did it… why did it look like he saw Hyunjin, too?!

Hyunjin circled the bus stop once more, he looked around frantically. The street was empty, there was no one there. A car passed by. Hyunjin turned around, nothing in that direction, either. What the hell? His eyes hadn’t betrayed him, that was for sure! He had seen Seungmin in that reflection, he really had!

Or had he?

Was his mind just playing tricks on him?

Did he miss the boy so much that his mind had started to make up its own narratives?

Maybe he was just tired.

Yeah, Hyunjin was tired. He had a long day behind him, he had been running around and practicing a lot and hung out with his friends and he hadn’t slept properly, that was it. Hyunjin was just tired, his mind had started wandering, he had seen things that weren’t actually there.

But the surprised expression? The little step back?

Just Hyunjin’s mind, right? There was no Seungmin in the reflection. Seungmin was dead. He was dead, there was no way Hyunjin could be seeing him in reflections where his own reflection was supposed to be.

Or were ghosts real?

Ridiculous! Hyunjin, get it together, he scolded himself. He ran his hand through a few wisps of hair before letting out a distressed huff. There was no Seungmin, Hyunjin was just tired, his mind was playing tricks on him. That was it, that was all there was to it.

But- no.

Seungmin was dead. There was no way.

Hyunjin continued his journey back home, steps a little faster than before.

***

A week passed by, the practice game passed by, the party passed by. Hyunjin didn’t forget about the reflection. In fact, he found himself so consumed by the thought of it that his friends had to nudge him awake from his thoughts at times. He didn’t bring it up, he didn’t know how, he didn’t want to sound like he had lost his mind.

But Hyunjin did forget to ask Daehwi about the photo of the student council. Or rather, he was too shy to bring it up that one time he had a lecture with him and actually saw him at the university grounds. Perhaps he should ask Younghoon if he could ask about it for Hyunjin since he was the one who always did the talking… Or not, since Hyunjin hadn’t said a word about Seungmin to him in the past month and a half and he didn’t really want his best friend to know that he was still thinking about him. That he still wasn’t over it, like he was expected to be.

It was a sunny day, the trees had started to get greener, Hyunjin remembered how Seungmin had once told him that spring was his favorite season, that he loved the feeling of nature awakening around him. That was one of the conversations Hyunjin cherished in his memory, it had been the last year of high school when they had had that, as they had wandered a little off the topic while trying to finish a project. They had sat in a café close to the high school for so many hours Hyunjin had lost count, and back then Hyunjin had really thought that they could have become something.

Until the summer had approached, and Seungmin had left for his cousins at the other side of the country, and his text messages had been very short and Hyunjin had decided that the boy probably had had enough of him. So he had stopped bothering him, sad and beaten down, until the next fall Seungmin had smiled at him during their first day of university and that little spark of hope had been ignited once again.

Just to die out two weeks before Christmas the next winter.

Hyunjin felt bad for Seungmin’s family. To spend a Christmas like that, mourning for their beloved son… that must have been horrible. It had been horrible for Hyunjin, too, the funeral had taken place on the weekend before Christmas, and throughout the whole holidays Hyunjin hadn’t really been thinking about anything else.

But now it was spring, nature was awakening from its sleepy slumber once again, and that meant more pressure with classes, and the start of the game season. Hyunjin would have to get out of his mind very soon and focus on the games and practice and that’s exactly what he did. Another week passed by, then another, Hyunjin immersed himself into his basketball practice, in the gym sessions with his friends, in the bus travels to the cities over for the games during the weekend. They won, they felt unstoppable, immortal. He forgot about the incident.

Until it happened again.

It was a weekend off, Hyunjin had a party to attend in the evening, but now he was on a run, he had to let out some steam and clear his mind. Nothing was better for that than running, he could just let his thoughts wander free, he could forget about anything and everything as his sneakers padded against the pavement as he jogged around the neighborhood. There were a few puddles on his way, he was sweating, the weather had got quite a bit warmer during the past days as April approached. Perhaps Hyunjin should forget the jacket for his next run already.

Hyunjin turned from a street corner to another street full of houses. Then another street corner, his earphones were playing a song he didn’t recognize, but it was a good song, so Hyunjin couldn’t bother himself to change it. Another street corner, he ran over the road and entered a park, the asphalt changed to gravel underneath his feet. Hyunjin slowed down to a walk, his breathing was heavy, then swiped a drop of sweat off of his forehead. There were a few elderly people sitting on the benches of the park.

Hyunjin liked the park a lot, it was closer to his house than the one close to the university. He liked the greenery, the pond in the middle of it, the birds and all the trees. Sometimes he and his family came to the park to have a picnic on summer evenings, sometimes he sat on the grass with his friends and threw little stones at the pond and pretended he still hadn’t reached adulthood (which he hadn’t, he was still a child at heart and adulthood scared him, he didn’t want to grow up). Hyunjin nodded at an elderly man sitting at the park bench as he recognized him to be his neighbor from a few houses over.

Hyunjin reached another end of the park quickly, as it wasn’t all that big, and started jogging again. He passed by a few streets, then turned around to a slightly busier one and slowed down to a walk again. There were a few restaurants and book shops along the street, it was already rather close to the city center (well, one could not get all that far from the city center in their little, tightly built town). Hyunjin glanced at one of the windows at the bookstore and froze in his tracks immediately.

Seungmin. Scrolling through the books on the shelf closest to the window. He was holding two books in his hands, just picking up a third one. He had his purple hoodie on, the one he always wore when he wasn’t in school and had nowhere to go or no one to be. Hyunjin felt his breath getting stuck in his throat once again.

And in the blink of an eye, the sight was gone. Was it a reflection? No, Seungmin had clearly been inside the store. Hyunjin finally got his legs to move, rushed to the bookstore door and pushed it open. A bell jingled, Hyunjin stepped in, eyes frantically searching for the purple-hoodied boy.
“Good afternoon, my dear boy, can I help you with something?” A lady sat behind the counter, she had been focused on her knitting when Hyunjin had dashed in and by the looks of it, scared her away. Hyunjin looked around, he walked around the shelf, then another shelf,

nothing.

There was no Seungmin.

“I’m sorry to bother, but was there just a boy with a purple hoodie in here, going through the books?” Hyunjin approached the counter. He felt lightheaded once again, the memories from the last time flashed into his mind.
“Am sorry, but I have only had a few customers today and all of them stopped by in the morning, so no, I don’t think there was.” The lady looked confused. Hyunjin opened his mouth, he was just about to protest, but snapped it close again and nodded.
“I see, I’m sorry for bothering you, have a nice day.” And then he rushed out of the dimly lit bookstore.

There was no Seungmin. Seungmin was dead.

***

Hyunjin was losing his mind.

No, no he wasn’t. He had been just tired again. Just tired, simply tired, he had thought he had seen something in the bookstore that his brain had just made up. His brain had done that twice now.

He was going insane.

No, he wasn’t! He was just fine. He wasn’t going insane, oh no, he wasn’t.

And then it happened again. On a puddle on the pavement of the street. When Hyunjin was on his way to Younghoon’s apartment. Seungmin’s face, brows furrowed, gaze focused on something, quickly flashed in that puddle as a reflection from above. Hyunjin was certain it was Seungmin, because there was no other human in sight, and there was no other person who could have been the source of that reflection.

Were ghosts real? They had to be. Hyunjin had seen Seungmin three times now.

Or he was going insane. He was losing his mind. Going off his rocker. Seungmin was dead, his mind was playing tricks on him, three times, two times during one day. He was losing it. He kept on eyeing every single reflective surface on his way to Younghoon’s apartment, in his apartment, on their way to that one guy’s apartment who always held all the parties, then suddenly a change of plans, they turned from a street corner and ended up in a bar with a few other friends. They’d join the party fashionably late.

“What’s wrong with you today?” Younghoon nudged Hyunjin’s side as they were sitting around a grimy, round table in a dim corner of the bar. Cozy. Too loud. Too many drunk people, and it wasn’t even that late yet, maybe nine or so.
“Nothing”, Hyunjin almost squeaked. Younghoon looked at him a little oddly, before turning back to their friends.

Nothing. Ha! Hyunjin was losing his mind. Going crazy. Seeing Seungmin everywhere where he shouldn’t have done so. The only place he was still supposed to see his face was the old class photos from high school, and that one selfie he had on his old phone. Nowhere else. And that photo of the student council, which didn’t have Seungmin in it anymore. Nowhere else. Not in reflections of windows, not in puddles, nowhere.

He was losing his mind. Or ghosts were real.

***

“Younghoon, I’m going insane”, Hyunjin slurred against his red cup of something way too strong for his own good.
“What do you mean?” Younghoon slung his arm around Hyunjin, they were sitting outside of the party dude’s (whose name Hyunjin wouldn’t have remembered even if he tried to) house on the porch, around a table with way too many cans littered around them. Hyunjin’s friends were talking loudly over the music, people came and went from the door, Hyunjin could feel the bass booming from inside through his chest.
“I’m losing my mind.” He was drunk, his senses felt hazy, deep down he knew it wouldn’t be wise to say anything about the topic to Younghoon, but he felt like bursting. He needed someone to tell him that he was not going insane, he was not losing his mind, he was not having delusions, his mind was just being a little dumb, because he missed the school council secretary boy a little too much.

“Huh? What do you need that for?”
Hyunjin shoved Younghoon’s arm, it was a bad joke, bad timing, not good. Someone laughed, loudly, perhaps Hyunjin should ask if Younghoon could talk to him somewhere a little more private. And a little warmer, despite the alcohol buzzing in his veins, the porch was getting a little cold in the beautiful spring evening (and Hyunjin didn’t want to be one of those people about to be the reason for the neighbors calling the police for being too loud).
“I’m serious”, Hyunjin mumbled, just loud enough for Younghoon to hear him. The rest of their friends didn’t really care for them, Changmin was telling them something about his dance classes. Most of the people around the table were part of the basketball team, the rest few were part of the other teams. The sporty ones. Jacob nearly dropped his drink from his hand on the wooden floor.

“What is it?” Younghoon focused better on Hyunjin, though Hyunjin could even through his own haze tell that his eyes were lingering around, his nose was ruddy, and he really wasn’t listening to Hyunjin all that well.
“I keep seeing him everywhere”, Hyunjin finally muttered under his breath. His chest felt like exploding, he could feel anxiety gripping him.
“Who?” Younghoon asked, clearly confused. He looked around, clearly trying to see who Hyunjin was talking about.
“Him.”
“Who ‘him’? I don’t know anyone ‘him’.”
Hyunjin swallowed.
“Him. Kim Seungmin.” It was barely a whisper.

Younghoon looked around again, his brows knitted together in confusion.
“Come again?”
“I keep seeing Kim Seungmin everywhere.” Eric laughed loudly, someone shoved accidentally Hyunjin’s shoulder as they passed by him through the door.

“Who’s Kim Seungmin?”

What?
Hyunjin blinked once, twice, Younghoon looked even more confused now.
“T-the… you know him. Seungmin.”
“I don’t know a Kim Seungmin.”
“Younghoon, that’s not funny.” The anxiety wasn’t just a grip anymore, it was pulling Hyunjin’s entire being in, swallowing him whole.
“I’m not being funny. Who’s Kim Seungmin? A new crush of yours?”
“The… the boy who died three months ago! The former council secretary! The one who lived across the street from you!” Hyunjin felt like he was screaming right at Younghoon’s face, when in reality he was just whimpering out the words.
“Huh? I’ve never heard of this guy?” And then Younghoon turned around, nudged Juyeon’s arm, who was sitting on his other side. “Hey, Juyeon, have you ever heard of this guy?”
“What guy?”
“Kim Seungmin?”
“Huh? Nah, doesn’t ring a bell.”
“How about you, Jacob?”
“Nope.”

Hyunjin couldn’t breathe.

He was going insane. He was losing his mind. How did they- did they not remember Seungmin? Had they forgot about him?
“Have you seen Daehwi? I need to find Daehwi”, he heard himself asking.
“What’s up with you? Are you alright?” Younghoon mumbled, Hyunjin could see laughter in his eyes, this was funny to him, he didn’t understand, he didn’t-
“I saw him talking to Chanhee at the stairs inside just a while ago”, Hyunjae voiced from the other side of the table, he, too, looked quite concerned.
“Thanks.” Hyunjin handed his drink to Younghoon and hurriedly rose up.
“Where are you going?” he heard his best friend ask after him as he turned around and quickly stepped in through the open door. The booming bass engulfed immediately, but it didn’t cover the sound of Hyunjin’s own heartbeat in his ears.

He had to find Daehwi. He’d know- he had to know, he had been one of Seungmin’s best friends. He’d certainly know, he’d remember, maybe his friends were just too drunk or hadn’t heard him correctly or maybe maybe maybe Hyunjin was losing his mind, maybe he was going crazy and oh!
“Hey Daehwi, sorry to interrupt, but can I ask you something?” Hyunjin had to yell over the music.
“Sure!” Daehwi yelled back, clearly surprised to see Hyunjin, as they didn’t really talk anymore.
“Do… Do you remember Kim Seungmin?”

One heartbeat of silence. Two. Three. Daehwi’s eyes seemed to cloud for a brief second.
“No, I don’t think so. How so?”

Hyunjin’s stomach dropped, the walls seemed to close around him.
“N-Nothing. I was just. Checking. I need to go.”

And he had to. He rushed out of the door, his heart was pounding in his ears, panic was gripping him harder than ever before. He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t breathe! How did no one remember Seungmin? It had been three months! They all couldn’t have just forgot him suddenly like that! People didn’t forget like that, not all of them, and no one remembered Seungmin!

Hyunjin heard Younghoon calling after him, he didn’t turn around, he ran down the path to the street and turned to the left, he only had a kilometer or so back home, he had to get home, he had to, he needed to, he needed to get home, he needed- he needed- what?

He needed to know he wasn’t insane. He needed something, a confirmation of some sort. He sped up his steps, it was quiet, it was night, a car passed by him, Hyunjin didn’t see anything, he couldn’t hear anything except his own labored breaths, he felt his phone buzzing, he knew it was Younghoon, he didn’t pick up his phone, he didn’t have time. He crossed a street, kept on running.

He couldn’t be insane. He couldn’t. He- he was fine. His friends were just dumb, they were all playing some sort of sick trick on him, and didn’t sometimes a person’s own brain protect them from loss or something? Perhaps that’s why Daehwi couldn’t remember. And he was probably drunk, too, and so were Hyunjin’s friends, and so was Hyunjin, there was no way- no way- no way that Hyunjin could have imagined all of that. For so many years.

There was absolutely no way. No. It wasn’t possible. Hyunjin wasn’t losing his grip of reality.

Hyunjin turned from a street corner, ran past a few houses before he reached the familiar lawn, the familiar front door, he fumbled for his keys, thank god they were still in his pocket, he quickly opened the door and slammed it shut, his parents would yell at him in the morning, they would, he knew it, but Hyunjin didn’t have time, he didn’t- he had to-

He rushed to the living room, reached for the cabinet underneath the bookshelves next to their television. He fell on his knees, pulled out a few photo albums that he knew contained the photos from his classes all the way from first grade to his last grade of high school. He opened it hastily, scrolled through the pages, so many memories, in that one Hyunjin was five, in that one he was seven, thirteen, fourteen, Seungmin had moved in their town when he was fifteen, joined them on the first grade of high school, and there!

Hyunjin found it, the photo taken of his class back when he had been fifteen. He knew it, Seungmin was standing in the front row, next to this one girl, in front of Hyunjin, because he had still been short back then, except-

Except that he wasn’t.

Hyunjin’s breath got stuck in his throat. There was no one there, just an empty space. Hyunjin turned a page, then another, he reached the next class photo. Seungmin should have been in the back row, in the middle. He wasn’t. There was an empty space in there. The next class photo. He should have been around in the middle. He wasn’t. There was an empty space.

Hyunjin scrambled up, forgot to put the photo album back into its place as he rushed up the stairs past his parents’ bedroom. He could hear his father snoring, they hadn’t woken up to Hyunjin coming back home, otherwise Hyunjin’s mother would have called out to him. Hyunjin pulled his bedroom’s door open, pulled his laptop from the nightstand next to his bed and opened it. It was here somewhere, that photo, he knew it, it had to be, it had been in Hyunjin’s old phone and he had transferred it to his computer in the folder called “memories”, and he clicked that folder open as soon as the screen lit up, he scrolled, searched, it was near the end, he knew it, he remembered it, and there it was, there it was, Hyunjin clicked it open.

And it was a photo of Hyunjin.

There was no one next to him. He was alone in that selfie. There was no Seungmin, slightly drunk with a ruddy nose and cat whiskers someone had drawn on him with a marker.

There was just Hyunjin. Smiling at the camera. Alone

***

Hyunjin was losing his mind. He was going insane, off his rocker, whatever you name it. But that was alright. He was alright, just perhaps a bit crazy. It was alright to be a little unhinged, Hyunjin had decided that.

Younghoon hadn’t asked Hyunjin anything about his sudden disappearance from the party, neither had no one else. Perhaps they didn’t remember it (apparently Younghoon had been bat shit drunk by twelve o’clock) or just… didn’t care. They weren’t bad friends, just, well Hyunjin was a rather new face in their friend group, and they weren’t all that good at talking about anything… personal. Just games and matches and basketball and classes. Never anything too personal.

But Hyunjin was losing his shit! Except that he wasn’t. He had come to a conclusion that he wouldn’t say a word, not to anyone, not even to his parents, that he was going insane. It was alright, he wasn’t… losing his grip of reality or anything, he managed his daily tasks, lost himself in the games, he seemed completely normal (Hyunjin had asked his mom, “do I seem off?” and she had just shaken her head and asked what was wrong and Hyunjin hadn’t told her anything). So he was going insane, but it wasn’t… bad. Just a little unhinged. He hadn’t seen Seungmin in anywhere in the past week, though, so perhaps he wasn’t all that crazy.

Or was. But it was fine. There was nothing wrong with a little insanity. Or delusions. Or seeing things. Or having apparently an imaginative friend for over five years that you have developed a crush on. It was scary, sure, but Hyunjin would manage, he always did. This was something that was completely normal to some people. They managed. Hyunjin would, too. It was alright. It was alright to be a little unhinged.

Something did change, though, Hyunjin noticed that. He avoided any sort of reflections. He avoided looking into puddles. He avoided glancing at his mirrored self in the bus stop window on his way to class. He even avoided his own phone if it was locked, screen dark and reflective. His friends didn’t notice anything, of course they didn’t, they didn’t even notice the shift in his overall mood, as Hyunjin was a pro at masking it under his mask of confidence and laughter. And Hyunjin also made sure they didn’t notice anything. He went to practice, to games, joined Juyeon on his way to the gym, went to parties as before.

He was getting tired of parties. He had noticed that in himself. But he had to go, because he had to do a little research.

Research, that left his insides turning with anxiety. There was no Seungmin. On a certain weekend Hyunjin saw a mate from high school, who had been a close friend of Seungmin’s. “Hey, you seen Seungmin in a while?” Hyunjin had asked, in the most nonchalant way possible. “Huh, who?” the girl had asked, and then Hyunjin had looked shocked and simply answered; “oh, sorry, I thought you were someone else!” and left the conversation. He asked Daehwi about the picture, or rather, he asked if the council photos and team photos were ever edited before printed on the wall: “Yeah, the photographer does something to them, a little lighting or something like that, but otherwise they aren’t edited, ever”.

Then Hyunjin had gone to the library (“Hwang, what the hell are you doing here?” Hyunjae had asked), and, with a slight struggle, searched for the articles from a few months ago.

Nothing. No news of Seungmin. No news of the boy who had died at a bus stop. No news of the student council secretary dying, just dropping dead. No news of the funeral, nothing.

And Hyunjin was scared, a little afraid of his own sanity, or rather, the loss of it.

Had he been imagining it all? Had he actually been dreaming it all, for five years? How did it all… how did it all feel so real?

Hyunjin searched for the group works he had done with Seungmin in high school, there was only his own name printed on them. He looked through the photo albums again, there was no Seungmin. He searched his yearbook. There was an empty space where Seungmin’s photo should have been.

And then Hyunjin walked into the cemetery. Walked through the rows of headstones, most of them older than he himself, covered with moss, some already forgotten.

There was no Kim Seungmin. No Kim Seungmin had ever been buried there.

Kim Seungmin wasn’t just dead. He was completely gone from this world. Or Hyunjin was going insane.

***

Summer approached, fast, Hyunjin tried to drown himself into schoolwork, but his brain wouldn’t let him. Reading had never been his forte. At least the games gave him some sense of control, a sense that he was still in this world, still hanging on to reality.

He had also started to accept things, as he really had no other options. Maybe Seungmin had indeed been simply a product of his own imagination. Maybe he had never lived in the first place.

But the memories… they were so vivid. All the photos, all the smiles, all that laughter.

Perhaps they were false memories. Maybe something incredibly traumatic had happened to Hyunjin when he had been little, and this was his brain coping. Or perhaps he had been in a car crash and in a coma, or was still in a coma, and had dreamed everything in the last… years? Or he was just insane. Oh well. Nothing wrong with being insane.

Hyunjin was on a run around the neighborhood, he ran towards the forest that started from the end of the street. It was a large forest, situated in between two smaller towns. There were a few houses in the forest, close to their neighborhood, but after that it was mostly wilderness. Hyunjin liked the forest, he usually jogged there, or around the small lake that the town center circled. Hyunjin had used to play in the forest with his friends when he had been little, he knew the little trails around it made by animals, he knew that there were a few abandoned buildings deep within it. Once he and Younghoon had gone exploring one of those houses, it had been scary, yet so full of interesting history.

Not that Hyunjin had told that to Younghoon. It wouldn’t have been ‘cool’ and Hyunjin had so desperately back then wanted to be part of the cool kids.

Hyunjin would have wanted to go explore the building again, or that other building with creaky doors and rooms that seemed to have been stopped in time fifty years ago, but he didn’t have time. He was supposed to leave for his aunt today with his family, to go meet their newborn, Hyunjin’s new cousin. Hyunjin wasn’t all that fond of children, not because he hated them or anything, but just because he didn’t know how to act around them. He hadn’t really had ever any children close in his own living space, that’s why.

It was morning, there was still some morning dew hanging on to the trees and plants and grass and all that. It smelled fresh, Hyunjin liked it, it had also rained the night before, there were large puddles all over his jogging trail. Hyunjin could feel the summer approaching against his skin, it wasn’t even nine in the morning, and it was already getting warm, Hyunjin could soon discard his lighter jacket and just run freely across the city and the forest and around the lake.

Hyunjin ran over one puddle, then the trail ahead of him turned slightly, curved behind a large rock. Someone passed by Hyunjin, Hyunjin nodded at them, they nodded back. Hyunjin could hear birds singing around him, and the rustle of his own clothes, and the thud of his feet against the ground. They were the same thuds he was so used to, this was the same trail that was so familiar to him. The same trail that he always felt at peace. He forgot all of his worries, all of… everything. He could let his mind wander to nothing, he could just listen to his own heartbeat and his steps against the puddles and the grass and the ground. Sunlight seeped through the huge trees of the forest. Hyunjin couldn’t hear the city anymore.

After roughly fifteen minutes the trail came to an end, rose on top of a large cliff, from there you could see the entire world, or so Hyunjin had thought when he had been five. Hyunjin turned on his tracks and continued his jog, now towards his home. He could feel his phone buzzing, it was most likely his mother asking if he was already on his way home, she was always a worrywart when they had to leave for something (and maybe Hyunjin had a habit of always being late because it was very easy for him to wander off the trail along with his thoughts). He kept on jogging steadily, he tried to avoid any larger puddles, he didn’t want his new running shoes to get all wet and grimy (they were already, though).

It was a pretty morning. Hyunjin liked mornings like these, he liked starting off his day with a jog and feel the wind on his skin and trifling through his hair and pulling him to unknown directions deeper in the forest. One day he might give that wind the power and follow it deep within the greenery, but not today. Today he ran the same trail that he was so used to, tomorrow he would run around the lake, perhaps ask Juyeon to join him, if he’d be in condition to do that.

Except he wouldn’t.

Because the next thing he knew, he fell through a large puddle into darkness.

Chapter Text

Hyunjin fell to his knees, he heard splashing around him, his palms scraped against the ground hard enough to draw blood. He felt his pants getting wet, and quickly he scrambled back up, groaned as he saw the mess the muddy puddle had made of his brand new black trainers and sweatpants.

What the hell had just happened? It had felt like Hyunjin had been falling for a fraction of a second. And not as in ‘oh, I fell down on a puddle”, it had felt like he had been falling through the puddle, it had been pitch black and then Hyunjin had collided against the ground. He mumbled a curse and tried to brush the mud off of his trousers, just to get it all over his hands instead. Stupid. This was stupid. Fucking puddle, Hyunjin was in a hurry, his mother was expecting him home! Thankfully his feet felt okay, nothing had been injured in the fall, so Hyunjin stepped away from the puddle, the muddy water rippling, cleaned his hands a little on his jacket (what a decision).

He sighed, brushed a strand of hair away from his face and then remembered that his hands were still muddy, too, and oh, his mother was going to be so mad when Hyunjin would finally get home because he’d have to take a shower and it would take forever and they sure as hell were going to be late. And Hyunjin brushed another strand away and accidentally brushed his cheek and now there was mud on his cheek, too.

Great.

Today was going so well.

Hyunjin sighed and continued his jog, everything felt still alright, he hadn’t hurt himself (okay, perhaps his knee hurt a little, but it wasn’t bad, not that kind of ‘something is wrong’-pain he had felt a couple of times in his life, mostly in the basketball court). The trail opened ahead of him, it looked just the same as ever, Hyunjin ran through the woods, and soon his thoughts got the better of him, carrying him far away from the present. He had a few exams coming up, he should start properly studying for them soon. And then he should- oh yeah, he had got that summer job he had applied for at the flower shop, he had no idea what he was going to do there, but somehow he had got it. He didn’t even know anything about flowers! Perhaps he’d learn. And then he could get his hands muddy with a permission and get to water flowers and take care of them and that shouldn’t be so hard, the owner lady had hired him so she most likely saw the potential in Hyunjin. Or perhaps Hyunjin had been a very good liar at the interview and that’s how he had got the job and right there was that one party and god Hyunjin was so sick of parties but his friends wanted to go and Hyunjin couldn’t say no because he was bad at saying no and he really liked his friends but sometimes they were a little exhausting and saw Hyunjin as nothing but pretty and dumb and that was stupid, Hyunjin was more than that, so much more, or was he? Maybe he wasn’t, maybe he was dumb, that’s what had been told to him so many times and what the fuck?

Hyunjin came to a halt, a little out of breath. What the hell? There, at the middle of his track, was standing a stag. A huge deer, with the biggest pair of antlers Hyunjin had ever seen. Was that even a deer? It was huge. Bigger than a regular moose, and Hyunjin had only ever seen moose at that one museum, and he had been small back then and it had been so huge and now that deer thirty meters away from him seemed just as big as that moose had to little Hyunjin. Hyunjin was frightened. He took a step to the side, and then a step back. The deer just stared at him, but it… it wasn’t scared. It didn’t seem alarmed. It just stared at him, its ears listening to the world around it.

Which made Hyunjin listen too, and he found himself slightly shocked – he couldn’t hear anything. Nothing. There was no sound around him. At least not the sounds Hyunjin was used to. There were no distant car sounds. No yelling coming from the lake shore. There were only sounds from nature, and Hyunjin’s breathing. A bird singing, another joined it. Hyunjin could swear he heard rippling from a creek he had no idea existed in the woods. Wind danced around the trees, creaked against the branches. It was relatively quiet. Too quiet.

The deer sniffed the air, before it turned its eyes away from Hyunjin and walked back into the forest. Were the eyes of the deer always golden? Hyunjin simply stared at it, it was huge, far too huge, to be a normal deer, that’s how much Hyunjin knew about animals. And the antlers- how did it not get stuck into the trees?

Hyunjin was losing his mind.

Or perhaps not! It was just a ridiculously huge deer! Or it could be a moose! Hyunjin was quite far away, after all, and rather stupid, so perhaps it was a moose, yeah that what it was, even though moose didn’t even live where he lived yet somehow it still was that, Hyunjin let out a distressed laugh and continued his travel, this time only walking. He was already late, he’d have to call his mom, it would take him half an hour to get home, or less, he fished his phone out of his pocket and – it didn’t turn on. He pressed the button that should have tuned on his lock screen, but oh no, the phone stayed dark. He pressed it again, longer, perhaps it had just turned off or it had run out of battery – nothing. It didn’t work. Hyunjin sighed again, god damn, this really was the worst morning in a while. Perhaps the phone had broken when Hyunjin had fallen down, yeah, that was it. He’d have to get a new one, thankfully he had some spare cash in his bank account since he still lived at home.

Hyunjin put the phone back in his pocket and continued his jog, now more pissed than before. He didn’t glance around too much, it was just the same woods, nothing new, nothing to see, nothing to hear, except the lack of sounds which unsettled Hyunjin a little, after twenty minutes of steady run Hyunjin finally, sweaty and muddy and pissed, reached the edge of the forest that turned into his home street, and-

Oh, he had lost it. He had completely lost it with the fall. He had finally reached that point of insanity or whatever because this… this was not his home street.

Or it was. It just looked like nature had taken over it within the past hour.

Hyunjin had completely lost it, he had surpassed his breaking point, he was completely off his rocker, what the actual hell was happening here? He took a step forward, then another, he couldn’t help but stare at the sight in front of him, mouth a little ajar, eyes wide. The street ahead of him looked like it had been there for years upon years, untouched, like nobody had walked on it in the past fifty years. The asphalt was cracked, greenery pushed through the gaps, spread over the ground. There were cars along it, cars Hyunjin had seen shining in the morning light just an hour ago, with their windows cracked and a sheen of dust coating them, along with more greenery. One car was completely covered by grass, another had some ivy tangled around the open doors.

Hyunjin walked slowly along the driveway. Everything was so familiar, yet unfamiliar at the same time. Hyunjin knew these houses. They were his neighbors’ houses. This was his neighborhood, the one he had lived most of his life in. And at the same time, it was not that neighborhood. The houses were empty, Hyunjin could tell by the silence that filled every corner, every turn on the road, every breath of air. It was eerie, odd, unsettling. Most of the streetlights along the driveway were broken, so long ago that the shards of glass had been taken over by grass. Every single yard had been taken over by nature, long grass from last summer pushed through the gaps in the fences. There was a lawnmower left on one of the yards, Hyunjin knew it belonged to Miss Park.

It was like Hyunjin had been thrown fifty years ahead in time. And at the same time it was not, everything was like Hyunjin remembered it to be. The cars were in the same places. So were the stools and tables on the porch of Hyunjin’s neighbor. And the grill. Everything. Hyunjin stopped, he listened for a while, and heard nothing. Nothing, except the wind in the trees, rustling in the grass, or perhaps it was a little animal, the creaks coming for an ajar window, and his own heart beating, a bit too fast to be comfortable.

What in the fresh hell was going on? The city, the driveway, it looked like there had been a zombie apocalypse of some sort. The sight in front of Hyunjin was exactly like in those movies where the world ended and everyone died. Or disappeared.

Or disappeared.

Then it struck Hyunjin. There was no one around. He didn’t see people, he couldn’t feel anyone’s presence, he couldn’t hear even the slightest of sound, except for himself. The realization struck him hard, got his legs moving, he felt the panic rising from the pits of his stomach. Hyunjin crossed the street, turned from a corner, everything was the same, yet not, and there, oh, there it was, and finally Hyunjin reached his own yard, the light blue house looked just as the same as this morning. Familiar to him. Yet not. He stopped, breathing hard, he was searching something frantically, something, anything, but found nothing. Nothing but overgrown grass, the door to the garage was left slightly ajar, and inside was their car, covered with a thick layer of dust. Like it hadn’t been used in ages. Hyunjin was panicking. What the hell? What the hell!

A bird sang in the bushes close to the driveway, Hyunjin took a few wobbly steps towards the door of his house. His house, that, too, had a few windows broken, so much spiderweb and dust covering the glass that it was nearly impossible to see inside. Hyunjin rose the last steps to his door, and realized it wasn’t even properly closed. He took a hold of the doorknob and pulled the door open. It creaked, as if the door hadn’t been touched in years.

Hyunjin took in a wavering breath and stepped in through the threshold.
“Mom?” he called out, he could hear the fear in his own voice.

Nothing. He only got silence in return.

Hyunjin stepped into the hallway that led to their kitchen. There were Hyunjin’s shoes, just as there had been over an hour ago this morning that Hyunjin had left. They were covered with dust. There were his jackets, too, and his mother’s jackets, and his father’s jackets. And that one jacket Younghoon had accidentally left at Hyunjin’s after he had spent the night there a few weeks ago. The open door let in light, Hyunjin tried the light switch next to the door, but nothing happened. So there was no electricity. Was that the reason Hyunjin’s phone had stopped working, too?

“Mom? Dad?” He tried calling out again, even if he deep down knew he wouldn’t get an answer. There was no one around. No one but him.

Had he died? Was this death? Heaven? Or hell? Or whatever the fuck was supposed to come after death? Hyunjin was certain that out of those two this was hell, because Hyunjin loathed loneliness more than anything.

He took a few steps in, glanced at the photos on the bureau at the hallway. There were photos of his family, photos of him, of his parents. He took one of them, brushed the thick layer of dust off of it. It was the same picture, the one he had seen every single day for the past five years, it had been taken at his middle school graduation, there was him in the middle, the little certificate he had got from being a good basketball player, his parents were at the either side of him, looking proud, smiling. Hyunjin was smiling in that picture, too. He remembered the day, oh, he had been so proud of himself.

Hyunjin didn’t let go of the picture, instead he clutched it in his hands. He walked into the living room that was one the right, found no one, nothing but dust, broken windows and an ivy that crept up the wall in through the window. Hyunjin realized that the floor had given in, half of a bookshelf had fallen with it, books were scattered everywhere. He stepped over a few books. Then he realized that on top of one shelf was an empty bird’s nest.

Hyunjin walked into the kitchen, found nothing. The fridge wasn’t running, it was empty. But the other cupboards weren’t, there was flour, sugar, cereal, everything Hyunjin had seen in the cupboard in the morning when he had made his breakfast.

Even the cup he had used was in the sink.

What the hell?

Hyunjin slowly walked upstairs, even if he knew it wasn’t probably wise, given the state of the house. The boards creaked underneath him, more than before. He reached the second floor and turned right, opened the creaky door to his own room. He had to use a little power, something had fallen against the door, and once Hyunjin finally managed to get the door open, he got to know that it was his chair that was supposed to be in front of his desk. Hyunjin glanced around, the room was just as he had left it this morning, and it wasn’t.

It wasn’t, as in, a huge branch had grown in through the wall next to the window, and it had pushed itself through the roof as well. For some reason Hyunjin immediately knew that it was that same branch that had been cut from the tree over twenty years ago. Hyunjin had spent evenings staring at that branch, or rather, the stump of the branch, but now it was there, and Hyunjin had to duck underneath it to get to his bed. The mattress had given in, a spring was poking through it, the covers were a little moist and Hyunjin figured it had probably something to do with the holes poking through the roof.

Hyunjin couldn’t help but stare. He knew that he was in some sort of shock, he knew he should have been crying and screaming and panicking and searching for his parents, or search for anyone, really, but he wasn’t. His heart was beating faster than normal, his hands felt a little clammy as he clutched the photo in his hands. He couldn’t process. He couldn’t understand.

What the hell was going on?

Had Hyunjin fallen and hurt his head and slept for fifty years and woken up in the future? Had there been some sort of- some sort of airstrike or something? No, there couldn’t be, nothing was… damaged, nothing had exploded. What if they had had to evacuate the whole area in that hour that Hyunjin was in the forest and that’s why his mother had tried to call him? What if- what if- what if a war had broken out? Or, or, or, what if it was the apocalypse and now Hyunjin was all alone and lonely and oh, now the fear started to strike in.

Hyunjin took his laptop from the nightstand, brushed dust off of it. He opened it, but as he expected, it wouldn’t turn on. With a sigh he put it down, it was useless now. Hyunjin stood up, what would he do now? Should he look for someone? He couldn’t just… be alone in the world, right? There had to be someone, anyone in the area, people didn’t just disappear into thin air. Not all of them. Not over ten thousand of them.

Hyunjin sighed and stood up. Should he take some of his belongings with him? Even if they looked like they had been in the house for… a long time. Hyunjin took one of his bags that had been hanging from his bed frame, it didn’t feel moist, it seemed to be in alright condition. It was their university’s gym bag, the one Hyunjin always used, it even had his keyring tied to one of the straps. Hyunjin pulled the zipper open, the bag was alright from the inside, too. Carefully he moved to his wardrobe, the door nearly fell off as he opened it as the hinges gave in. He pulled clothes out, some of them were half eaten by moths, some of them in alright condition. Thank god, none of them had caught any mold. Hyunjin stuffed a few pieces of clothing into his bag, what else did he need? He stuffed the photo in there, too, before turning around. He grabbed his charger, too, perhaps his phone would start working later, if Hyunjin would find any source of electricity at some point.

He should have been scared. Was he hallucinating? Was this it? Was he so deep in his own insanity that he had created this post-apocalyptic world around him with one fall?

For some reason, he didn’t feel like he was. He pinched his arm, it hurt, he could feel pain, and from what Hyunjin had read, hallucinating wasn’t usually this… intense. The whole world around him couldn’t be an illusion. It couldn’t. It just couldn’t. Hyunjin didn’t want to think about it. Hyunjin had read, as much as he had been able to (mostly he had listened through countless of videos), the illusions usually started small, or they were… different. Small things. Sometimes sounds, sometimes tastes, sometimes something else. But this was… different. It felt too intense. Too real. It felt like reality.

Hyunjin glanced around his room once more. Well, if he was insane now, and this was all part of his illusion, perhaps someone would sooner or later discover him and get him to hospital and to wake up from the… state that he was in, but for now he’d just… survive? The pinch had hurt, so he’d probably get hungry at some point, too, and there was no food in the fridge and there wasn’t any electricity either, so he’d have to do something.

And above all, find someone. He couldn’t be alone in this world. He couldn’t, it wasn’t possible, and Hyunjin decided not to even think about the slightest possibility that he was all alone.

Hyunjin didn’t think he’d need anything else for now, so he turned around, carefully climbed over the branch and stepped back into the corridor. The floorboards creaked under him, he could hear birds singing outside, his bag was hanging from his shoulder, he realized he’d have to take other shoes with him, too, and change to those since his current ones were still wet. One, two, three, he stepped down the stairs, and on fourth,

he fell through.

Hyunjin screamed as the stair under him gave in, his other leg fell down, stopped to mid-thigh, he didn’t fall through it properly, thank god. The yell he let out scared the birds from the tree in their yard. Hyunjin whimpered, he could feel the pain flaming through his leg, as the splinters of the wood pressed against his thigh. He braced himself and as carefully as he could, hauled himself up from the hole he had made. Hyunjin knew the space under the stairs was the closet for all of the cleaning equipment, he could remember his father once having said that the space in between the stairs and the closet should have been strengthened with some extra support. Hyunjin bit his lip harshly as he crawled the rest of the stairs down, he didn’t dare to stand up as it would have put too much pressure on one point and the rest of the stairs could have caved in as well. When he finally reached the bottom of the stairs, he sat on the last step and took a look at his leg.

Torn. God, his pants were torn, there was blood streaming down his leg, dripping down from a few nasty looking wounds under his knee. pulled the fabric up (or what was left of it), there were scratches all over his leg. He could feel nausea washing over him. He
“Fucking hell”, Hyunjin mumbled, before he stood up again, this time with much difficulty. He dragged himself to the kitchen, opened the cupboard next to the oven, on the lowest shelf were the- except they weren’t.

The disinfectant wasn’t there, nor was the package of plasters or the bandages or anything. Fucking hell indeed! Hyunjin slammed the cupboard shut, a little agitated now, the sound resonated through the quiet house incredibly loud. He hopped with his one leg to the bathroom that was opposite to the kitchen (and hoped the floor under him wouldn’t give in, too). Thank god there was at least some toilet paper left! He pulled the roll from its holder, took some paper and pressed it against his leg. He’d need disinfectant, he knew it, and proper bandages, these wouldn’t do, the wounds weren’t all that small. Hyunjin unrolled basically the entire roll of paper, made his way back to the kitchen, and with the tape he found from one of the drawers he tied the makeshift bandage around his leg. Just to stop the blood from streaming, for now. And his pants were still dirty and wet and oh god, there was now so much bacteria in his leg and why wasn’t the disinfectant where it was supposed to be and! No! Not time to panic! The nearest shop wasn’t that far, there Hyunjin would find something for his wound, he knew it.

So he dragged himself outside, with his bag on his shoulder. The sun had moved slightly across the sky, the clock was perhaps ten, or eleven, Hyunjin couldn’t tell, since the clock on the living room wall seemed to have stopped. Hyunjin had taken his other trainers from the shelf under the coat rack and stuffed them into his bag as well, and he had found his cap, too, which he had put on his head to block the sunlight.

Now he’d have to make his way to the store. He’d manage. He’d have to. Perhaps he would find someone, or something along the way that would tell him what the hell was going on. Hyunjin grimaced as he stepped forwards and put weight on his injured leg. He couldn’t hop all the way there, he knew it. Perhaps he could take his bike, which was- it wasn’t. It was not leaning against the garage wall. Had someone taken it? Everything was like it seemed to be in the real world, yet it wasn’t, everything was old, and now the disinfectant was missing and his bike was missing and perhaps something else was missing from the house as well, but Hyunjin didn’t want to turn around and start to examine it any more thoroughly. He’d find someone first. He’d have to.

So he started his journey, very slowly, he walked in the middle of the road, trying to avoid the biggest cracks in the asphalt. He could hear more birds, something rustling in the bushes, the nature all around him. But he couldn’t hear anyone else. The sun was shining, a few clouds passed by. It was going to be a pleasantly warm day, Hyunjin could feel it. The wind was merely a breath, but his leg was hurting like hell, so enjoyment was far from the moment.

Perhaps it was the pain, perhaps it was the sun shining down on him, but Hyunjin was starting to feel lightheaded. When had he eaten? A few hours ago, he wasn’t hungry yet, but he could have used some water. Perhaps it was the blood loss, Hyunjin didn’t know, but he kept on limping towards the store a few streets ahead. He passed by countless of houses, his neighbors’ houses, all in the same condition, all of them in a state of decay, all of them taken over by nature.

Maybe it was beautiful, somehow. Nature was slowly taking back from humans what belonged to it.

Hyunjin crossed a street, turned to another, the buildings turned from basic houses to small apartment buildings. There were more abandoned cars, more creaks, more broken windows, Hyunjin had to walk around some shards of glass to not hurt himself any more. Everything was so green. So fresh. Not dark asphalt and cement walls, oh no, there was green on every surface there could be, trees and ivies and flowers and bushes growing from every place they simply could.

Hyunjin turned from another street, and oh, there it was! The store! He limped over the asphalt; the parking lot was surprisingly empty. He looked down and, oh, bloody hell, the red had soaked through the paper, of course it had, and it was close to starting to drip through it. Great! And no one was around, Hyunjin still couldn’t hear anyone. He sighed, the pain was flaming through his leg again, he could feel the wounds throbbing-

“Hwang Hyunjin?”

Hyunjin nearly shrieked as his head shot back up, searching for the source of the voice, which he found standing in front of him by the store door, in his light blue hoodie and jeans and dark brown hair a little curled from the tips.
“Kim Seungmin?” Hyunjin whispered, unable to believe his eyes. He blinked, then rubbed his eyes, took a step back and winced at the pain. What the hell?

What the hell?

What the hell?!

Why was- why- what- Kim Seungmin? Was in front of him? Alive?

Oh, Hyunjin had lost it, completely, utterly, totally, he had lost his marbles, went off his rocker and all that and whatnot and what the hell what the hell what the hell!

Hyunjin took another step back, blinked, Seungmin didn’t disappear, and Hyunjin started to finally panic, oh, he started to finally panic alright, he could feel the ice cold hands gripping him harder than ever before, he was unable to breathe,
“I-is that really you?” he spluttered.
“Yes, it’s me”, Seungmin answered, eyes darting from Hyunjin’s face to his leg, brows knitting together in concern.
“You- you- you’re alive?” Hyunjin whimpered. He couldn’t believe his eyes. He couldn’t. But there he was. Just like in those reflections, except this one wasn’t a reflection, Seungmin was standing there, in the store doorway, with a bag on his shoulder and looking exactly the same as the day Hyunjin had last seen him.
“Yeah?” Seungmin looked confused.
“You’re not dead?”
“No?”
“What the fuck.”
“Huh?”

Hyunjin and Seungmin simply stared at each other. Then Hyunjin limped forwards, reached out, and tugged the hem of Seungmin’s hoodie. It was real. He could feel the soft fabric under his fingertips. Seungmin looked at him, very confused.
“Am I dead?” Hyunjin asked. Had he died with that fall? Jesus, and he was supposed to be athletic!
Seungmin gently pushed Hyunjin’s shoulder, before glancing at the bloodied leg: “Not that I know of. You’ll have to get that leg patched up, though.”

Hyunjin blinked once, twice. He wasn’t dead, Seungmin was alive and in this apocalyptic hell with him, or they were both dead, and this was the afterlife, or Hyunjin was hallucinating literally everything, which didn’t seem to be possible. The pain felt very real. Seungmin’s hoodie felt very real. Perhaps he wasn’t dead. Or maybe he was.

“Sit down. I’ll get something to patch it up, at least for now.”
Hyunjin couldn’t understand what was going on, but did as told nevertheless. He slumped on the stone stairs that led to the grocery store as Seungmin dropped his bag by the door and rushed inside. What the hell was going on? Seungmin was alive? Kim Seungmin, the one Hyunjin had had a crush on for three years was alive?

Was the crush still there? Hyunjin couldn’t really feel it, not right now. Perhaps he was too shocked. Bordering again on panicking. Was he dead? If this was a hallucination, it would stop soon, right? It had already been like two hours. They didn’t- It couldn’t- God! What was going on?! Was it the sun shining on him?!

Hyunjin heard steps, Seungmin suddenly appeared from the doorway and plopped down on his knees on the asphalt, in front of Hyunjin.
“Do you want me to do this or can you patch it up yourself?”
“Uh-“
“I think it’s better for me to do it, if I recall correctly you’ve always had a bit of a rough time with blood.”
Correct. Hyunjin wasn’t afraid of it, no, he could… endure it… when he had to… but perhaps he, when seeing a lot of it, had a tendency to pass out. And his leg wasn’t looking too good, oh no.

Seungmin remembered that? Oh wow.

Seungmin took a pair of scissors he had… taken from the store? Well, there wasn’t anyone around, so perhaps it was just okay to… take things. Steal. Or perhaps there was someone-
“Is there someone in the store?”
“No.”
“Oh.”
“How long have you been here?” Seungmin cut the tapes and carefully tore them off Hyunjin’s skin.
“What do you mean here? Since I was born? I’ve lived in this city my whole life!”

Hyunjin looked elsewhere as Seungmin removed the blood-soaked toilet paper from the wound. The boy hissed, “ouch”, and Hyunjin didn’t want to look down, so instead he focused on Seungmin’s face. Yeah, that was a good thing to focus on.
“What happened to your leg?” The boy asked, completely disregarding Hyunjin’s questions. He set the toilet paper down, tore open a fresh package of towels and grabbed a bottle of disinfectant. Hyunjin was about to jump up and run from the pain he was about to feel.
“It- uhh. I… went to our house and… fell through the stairs.”
“Did you only hurt your leg?” Seungmin poured a generous amount of disinfectant on the towel, Hyunjin braced himself on the stair, grabbed his bag with both hands.
“Yes, I think so-!”

And pressed the towel against Hyunjin’s leg. Hyunjin shrieked out in pain, tried to pull his leg away, but Seungmin grabbed him by his ankle, before dabbing the towel against the wounds, cleaning all the blood off. Tears surged into Hyunjin’s eyes, he tried to get them away, he couldn’t be a crybaby in front of Kim Seungmin!

Then the pain started to subside, Seungmin let the towel drop next to him.
“Not as bad as I thought.” There were a few small splinters still stuck to Hyunjin’s leg, so he pulled them out, too. Hyunjin finally dared to look at his leg, and true, it didn’t look good, but it didn’t look too bad either. Just some basic wounds and scratches. If one could call those basic.

Seungmin tore open a packet of gauze as well, before he started wrapping it around Hyunjin’s leg. Hyunjin glanced at the boy once more, finally letting go of his gym bag, swept a tear away from the corner of his eye. It didn’t hurt. It didn’t hurt! He was a grown man! Or perhaps not.

As Seungmin was focused on wrapping the bandage around Hyunjin’s leg, Hyunjin got a chance to study the boy in front of him a little better. He wasn’t dead. He really wasn’t dead, this was Kim Seungmin in front of him, Hyunjin remembered that little scar on the high of his cheekbone, and it was still there, visible, just below his glasses. Seungmin still had that poise and posture Hyunjin could remember, he was still fully in control of himself at all times, perhaps bordering on reserved, even. He still had that same hoodie. The only thing missing was the beret. Or the dress shirt. And the golden necklace he always had around his neck.

Hyunjin felt a tug in his heartstrings, he could feel Seungmin’s fingers press against his leg.

Oh, it was still there, very much alive.

And Seungmin was alive.

Kim Seungmin was alive. He truly was alive. Or Hyunjin was- no. He refused to think about that for now. They were alive, Hyunjin was hurting and this was real. It had to be real. Except-

Seungmin stood up, took the disinfectant and towels and all the stuff he had needed, before dumping the bloody toilet papers in the trashcan next to the door. Hyunjin hauled himself up, with much difficulty, still feeling somewhat lightheaded.
“Are you alright?” Seungmin asked, as he picked up his bag from the ground and stuffed all the equipment there. Hyunjin could see cans of food, batteries and water bottles in the bag. It looked heavy.

Was Hyunjin alright?
“No.” He glanced around, once again making sure that this was the corner store along his street, and the parking lot was empty, and there was no one around, except Kim Seungmin who, for some reason, was very much alive and present and not dead. “What the hell is going on?”

A crooked smile tugged the corner of Seungmin’s mouth.
“A lot of things, and I’m not the best person to explain them to you. All I can say is that you’re not dead, and I am not dead, and we are both alive.”
Reassuring, but not entirely.
“Where’s everyone else?” Hyunjin asked. Seungmin simply shrugged, before turning around and glancing around the empty parking lot, too. What the hell? Seungmin didn’t know either? Were they both insane? Well, it was better than being insane alone.

“Hmh. We need a car, you’re not in condition to walk into the woods with that leg.”
“What?” A car? Back into the woods? “Can you even drive one?”
“Yeah, never had the chance to get my license, though. And the rest can explain everything to you, they have been here longer than I have.”
“What?! What rest?”
Seungmin turned around and flashed a little, playful smile to Hyunjin, before starting to head towards the way Hyunjin had just arrived from:
“Your new friends.”

Chapter Text

“My what?!” Hyunjin stumbled after Seungmin towards the street that led back to his house.
“Do you know where your family keeps your car keys?”
“Seungmin! Are there other people here?”
“Yes.”
Hyunjin’s walking was much slower than Seungmin’s, so Seungmin slowed down, took Hyunjin’s arm and slung it around his neck, propping him from the side his leg was injured. Hyunjin could feel the flame on his cheeks.
“I-I’m alright, no need to-“
“It’s not about you, it’s not safe here, we need to be quick.”
“Huh?”
“Chan will explain to you later.”
“Huh? Who’s Chan?”
“A new friend of mine.”
“How many new friends do you have?”
“Six.”

So there were six other people in this… place with them! They weren’t alone. Thank god. Hyunjin could feel the relief surging through his body, then he remembered Seungmin had mentioned something about not being safe and that feeling of relief vanished. He began to glance around but found nothing. Nothing but a gentle zephyr dancing around the trees, nature and overgrowth, bird singing in the silence. With Seungmin’s help, Hyunjin’s walking was a lot faster, and it didn’t take them all that long to reach Hyunjin’s house. This was odd. Everything was odd. Seungmin wasn’t odd, he always acted like this, helpful and caring. Hyunjin decided not to care about the oddities right now.

“The keys are on the bureau in a bowl. Or… I don’t know if they’re still there.” Hyunjin mumbled to Seungmin as they reached Hyunjin’s house. He went to the garage door, and with much difficulty, managed to get it fully open, as the mechanism opening the door had clearly got rusty… over the years. Seungmin returned quickly, with the keys in his hands, he hastily opened the hood of the car and… did something, Hyunjin didn’t understand what, he just tried the different cables and opened something and checked something and Hyunjin just stood there, with raised eyebrows.
“This should work. Some cars don’t, mainly the ones that use electricity. Yours is a diesel car, it should work just fine. Hopefully. Otherwise we’ll have to steal a car, which isn’t really stealing because there’s no one here besides us.”
“What?” Hyunjin croaked.
“Nothing.” Seungmin pressed the hood of the car close and circled to the other side, opened the door from the driver’s side after dusting off the window. Hyunjin hurried to the other side, opened the door as well and sat inside. Everything was like Hyunjin remembered, and at the same time, not. There were still Hyunjin’s spare trainers on the floor of the backseat. There was a phone charger between the front seats, pushed into the little cup holder. The garage looked the same, too, just… old. The roof had given in a little. Luckily the car was okay.

Seungmin pushed the key inside the lock and turned it. The car moaned and mourned, it sounded like it hadn’t been used in ages. Seungmin twisted the key again, and a third time, and after that the engine finally started, rumbled alive. Hyunjin let out a breath he hadn’t realized he had been holding.
“Where are we going?” He asked, still confused, still a little lost (a lot lost).
“To the woods.”
“Why?”
“We live there.”
“…What?”
Seungmin rolled his eyes as he changed the gear and pressed the gas pedal. The car jerked forwards, as he let go of the clutch a little too hastily. Thankfully Hyunjin’s father had wanted to buy an SUV, so it didn’t get stuck on the thick layer of grass that had grown in front of the garage. Seungmin turned the car to the right from the yard, right where Hyunjin had just walked from a little over an hour ago.

Hyunjin wanted to ask questions, he really did, why was Seungmin here, who were the others, who was Chan, why were they in a car, where were they going, why were they going to the woods, where was everyone else, where was Hyunjin’s family, were they all alone, what was going on?! Yet he didn’t. He stayed quiet, because Seungmin stayed quiet, and he was overwhelmed, and it suddenly struck him that he was in a car, with Kim Seungmin, who he had thought had been dead, and they were going somewhere, and his leg was hurting quite a lot, which was why they got a car. Hyunjin’s family’s car. Which somehow still worked, the other cars in the driveway looked way worse, not in condition to be driven.
“Do you usually… walk to your… house?”
“I’ve only been here for two weeks so I guess. We do have a car there, but the walk isn’t all that long and I like the forest.”
“Two weeks? What do you mean?”
“It means that I’ve been here for fourteen nights.”
Hyunjin noticed how Seungmin slowed the car down as they entered the forest trail, which was still wide enough for the car, and it would most likely stay that way.
“Fourteen nights? Were you- what? I am so confused right now. You have been dead for five months.” Hyunjin for some reason felt like crying. He hated the fact that he had no idea what was going on, he wasn’t in control in any shape or form, and Seungmin didn’t tell anyone. But if Seungmin had only been… here… for two weeks, then he probably didn’t know either!

Seungmin hummed as an answer, his brows knitted together.
“Time doesn’t work here the same way”, he mumbled after that, the road ahead turned. Their speed wasn’t all that much, Hyunjin could have run faster (not in his condition right now, though). Hyunjin’s mouth snapped close, he looked out of the window. The sun had risen to its highest, it was around noon, Hyunjin figured. Then he realized how quiet it was, and tried pressing the radio on. It didn’t turn on.
“Electricity doesn’t work either. Nor radio stations. Nothing.”
“Then how do you live here?”
“We have generators. And solar panels. Felix is pretty handy when it comes to building anything like that.”
“Who’s Felix?”
“You’ll meet him in a few.”

Seungmin slowed the car down suddenly, it halted to a stop. Hyunjin looked forward, and there it was – the deer again! It was staring at them, with its golden eyes. Then a smaller deer appeared from the woods, and after that, another. They were fawns. Their eyes were golden, too. They didn’t seem to be afraid of the car. What the hell? Thank god Seungmin had driven slowly.
“We’ll let them pass and then continue”, Seungmin mumbled, leaned back against the seat. Hyunjin couldn’t help but stare at the sight in front of him, as the fawns passed over the road, and after that, the huge deer followed them back into the forest.
“What the hell?” Hyunjin whispered.
“I don’t know either. Chan calls them forest gods.”
“Is that why you were driving so slowly?”
“Yes.”
“Oh.”
“There’s a lot of life in these woods. It’s best to drive slowly to not accidentally hurt them.”
“I see.”

Seungmin pressed gas again, and they continued their travel. They passed by the puddle Hyunjin had fallen into, and then, to Hyunjin’s utmost surprise, they turned to the trail that led to one of the abandoned buildings deep in the forest. The one that he and Younghoon had explored, when they had been younger. The trail got smaller, sometimes completely disappearing into the greenery. Branches from the trees around scratched the car’s roof and sides, it swayed from side to another as there were potholes on the trail. The woods around got thicker, they didn’t let as much sunlight through as they had done before.

And then, all of a sudden, they bursted from the woods to a clearing, and in the middle of that clearing, stood a house, basking in the sunlight seeping through the trees. The house was anything but overtaken by nature. Or well, it was overtaken, there was some ivy creeping up its wooden walls, the roof was mainly green moss with occasionally the red bricks peeking through. Smoke was trailing upwards from the chimney, the windows weren’t broken, they were in perfect condition. So was the rest of the house. Sure, it looked old, but livable. Nothing like Hyunjin could remember. That house had been moldy and old and decaying. This one was… anything but that. Yet it still was the same house. That same, old farmhouse, deep in the forest, with so many ghost stories surrounding it that Hyunjin had lost count.
“What the hell?” He whispered.

And there were people. Sitting on the porch of the house that had been painted white. The paint was cracked, scaling off from some places. The rest of the house had once been painted a gentle green, perhaps a few years ago. One of the people stood up as Seungmin let the car roll to a halt, next to another car, that was clearly old in model, but otherwise in perfect condition.
“Don’t worry, they’re nice people”, Seungmin turned the car off and flashed a smile at Hyunjin, before pushing the door open. Hyunjin struggled to get the door open and hastily stood up, hissing as the pain hit once again.

“Seungmin? What the hell?” He heard a voice calling from the porch. This was too much, too much all at once, where were his parents, Hyunjin wanted to go to his parents, he had had enough of this day, he felt overwhelmed, why was the abandoned house by the creek suddenly in perfect condition and why was the entire world empty except for these… people and where was everyone and-?
“Hyunjin? Are you alright?” He heard Seungmin call out, it sounded like it came from somewhere further away.
“Yeah”, Hyunjin croaked, this was too much, way too much, and Hyunjin wasn’t all that good with new people and Younghoon wasn’t here and no one was here, and then Seungmin stepped in front of Hyunjin and gently touched his arm.
“It’s alright. I know we aren’t all that close, but trust me when I say this, these people are cool and will explain what is going on. I was as lost as you, probably still am. And you’re not alone.”

Hyunjin bit his lip, focused on Seungmin’s face in front of him. The gentle brown of his eyes brought Hyunjin back to reality, back to the gentle breeze, to the birds in the trees, to the chatter on the porch. He nodded, gripped the strap of his gym bag that was hanging from his shoulder. Seungmin nodded towards the house, and together they approached the porch. Hyunjin felt a nauseating wave of anxiety washing over him, as they walked through the front yard, which wasn’t as neat as the house was; the lawn could really use some mowing, the bushes still had last summer’s leaves on them, and the flowerbeds were anything but flourishing, full of weeds, in the process of growing flowers. Behind the house Hyunjin could see a well, and a garden full of trees. Apple trees, if his memory didn’t betray him. Wait- why was there a trail of… snow? Circling the house? Was it even snow?

“Hello!” He heard a voice, laced with joy from the porch, as Hyunjin and Seungmin walked up to the house. There were three boys, two of them were sitting around a white table (it looked rather worn-out), one was standing and leaning against the door frame, arms crossed on his chest. He was the one that had greeted Hyunjin. Or Hyunjin and Seungmin.
“H-hi”, Hyunjin mumbled, cautiously eyeing the three boys. Instinctively he moved a little closer to Seungmin.
“Oh my! There’s never been two appearances in such a short amount of time!” The other boy sitting around the table stood up as well, before rushing to Hyunjin:
“Hey! I’m Felix! Nice to meet you!” The boy with longer, blondish hair and a face full of freckles stuck his hand out.
“H-hey, Hyunjin”, Hyunjin took his hand and shook it. He was so confused. And lost. And Seungmin had mentioned someone named Felix. He had never seen this boy in his life, and he looked his age. He knew every person that was his age from the town! Then who was this!

“What happened to you?” The boy leaning against the door frame nodded towards Hyunjin and his leg wrapped in gauze.
“I, uhm, I f-fell through stairs…”
“Huh? Don’t people usually get here through reflections?” The boy was dressed in all black, Hyunjin could tell he was significantly shorter than him. And he had no idea what his question meant.
“I, um-“
“He fell through afterwards. Where did you get here, by the way?” Seungmin turned his focus to Hyunjin.
“Here?”
“Yeah. Where did you feel like you fell through something? Everyone feels that.”
Oh? Oh!
“I… there was this one puddle on the road. On the trail we just came from. I guess I… fell… through that…” Well, it had felt like falling through, instead of just… falling, Hyunjin could admit that much. Perhaps it made a little sense.
“The same as me and Jisung, then!” The Felix boy smiled, so brightly Hyunjin had to nearly cover his eyes.
“Explains your clothes”, Seungmin, with that same crooked smile mumbled.

“Wait, you guys know each other?” That boy dressed in all black pointed at Hyunjin and Seungmin. Seungmin nodded.
“We’re acquaintances. Went to the same school.” ‘Acquaintances’. Okay, perhaps that hurt a little.
“Oh, that’s cool!” Felix grinned.

“What would all this be?” Suddenly Hyunjin heard a new voice, and a heartbeat later a new person peeked from behind Changbin’s back.
“Oh! Seungmin, you found a new one?”
“I’m pretty sure Hyunjin found me first, but yeah.”
“That is amazing, the more the merrier! My name is Chan, by the way.” This boy, too, stuck his hand out, and Hyunjin shook it. The boy had black curls and deep dimples and an aura that felt comforting. Chan. This boy would explain everything to Hyunjin, or that’s what Seungmin had said. “Welcome to our little cottage!”

Well, cottage was the best way to describe the house. It was an old farmhouse, there was still some sort of barn-warehouse-thing on the border between the yard and the forest, it looked like it was in much worse shape than the actual house. Next to it was some sort of greenhouse, and a shack. Hyunjin could hear bees buzzing, birds singing, he was quite sure that the ivies and moss and other greenery that crept up the walls of the house held more life to them than the entire yard of Hyunjin’s house ever had. The windows looked like they had been cleaned recently. One of them was open, Hyunjin could hear laughter from inside. Seungmin had mentioned there were six people living with him.

“So, uh, do you perhaps want to get settled first and uh… change to clean clothes? You can take a shower, too, if you want. And Changbin can take a look at that leg of yours.” Chan smiled a gentle smile that told Hyunjin that everything was going to be alright. It was somewhat reassuring, but not enough to steady Hyunjin’s beating heart.
“I can?” The boy leaning against the doorframe mumbled. So his name was Changbin.
“Yes, you’re the medic one of us, if I recall correctly.”
“Fine.”
“I see you also brought us a new car.” Chan said, more to Seungmin than to Hyunjin. Seungmin nodded.
“Anyway, get settled first. Are you hungry? Jeongin is going to make us lunch today, but he’s slow, so it will take some time, we’ll show you around before that, an uh… wait, I just realized we don’t have any more bedrooms.” Chan turned as he was just about to lead Hyunjin into the house. He didn’t give time for Hyunjin to answer anything, and Hyunjin was way too overwhelmed and shy to interrupt his flood of questions.

“He can sleep with me”, Seungmin voiced from next to Hyunjin. Hyunjin’s eyes widened for a brief moment.
“The room is big enough for two of us, and we know each other already, so… less awkward if he’d sleep with Changbin or Jeongin.”
“Are you calling me awkward?” The boy scoffed, there was a playful glint in his eyes. Seungmin smirked at him:
“Yes.”
“Oh, alright, if that works for…” Chan eyed Hyunjin, clearly trying to remember his name. After a moment he got it: “…Hyunjin! Then that’s fine by me.”
“…U-um, yeah, sure.” Hyunjin managed to stutter out.
“Great! Follow me!”

And follow Chan Hyunjin did. In through a door to a narrow, dark corridor, immediate right and up steep, creaky stairs to the second floor. He didn’t get much of a look at the house, except that it was in alright condition. Old, but alright. If Hyunjin was right, the stairs had been barricaded shut back when he and Younghoon had been visiting the house. There were a few doors along another narrow hallway, and Chan opened the last door on the right.

“Bathroom is the opposite door; shower and another bathroom are on the lower floor since this is an old house. Seungmin knows where everything is. Take your time, you have all of it from now on.” Chan smiled, before Hyunjin stepped into the room Chan had just opened the door to. Seungmin followed after him, and by the receding footsteps Hyunjin could tell Chan had left them.

The door he was in was… well, a bedroom. Not all that decorated, there was a basic, quite colorful rug on the floor (that Hyunjin could swear he had seen before), the walls were minty green, the wallpaper was old, but it didn’t look bad. Opposite to Hyunjin was a rather large window, and on the white windowsill were a few plants, and next to them was a little watering can. The curtains were a deeper green, they reminded Hyunjin of the forest. On the wall next to Hyunjin was a closet, next to that a desk and above the desk were a few shelves, on them were books and another plant.

They were Seungmin’s plants and books, right?

Opposite to the closet was a bed, and it was now that Hyunjin realized that there was, in fact, only one bed, and yes, it was a king-sized one, but there was only one bed. Oh god. Above the bed were a few other shelves, and on either side of the bed were nightstands There was some sort of jar full of something white on the other nightstand. Everything was either greenish, or white, or wooden color. The other side of the bed, the one closer to the window, had clearly been used, there were books on the nightstand and an empty glass of water.

So, this was now Hyunjin’s room. Hyunjin and Seungmin’s room. A room which they shared now. A room with Seungmin.
“Alright”, Hyunjin whispered, trying to compose himself, collect the last bits of his sanity before he’d burst into tears. He took a few steps, the boards underneath him creaked as a telltale of an old house. He let his bag drop next to him as he sat on the bed. He’d have to go get more of his belongings at some point.

He needed a recap. He was in a house, in an abandoned house along the trail he usually jogged on his slow mornings, he had… fallen through a puddle and now he was in? He was in where? With Seungmin, who was not dead, and the city seemed to be empty, but in the old, abandoned house by the trail suddenly lived people, and the house wasn’t all that abandoned. Or decayed, or in bad condition. This was so much. Too much. And there were so many new people and now Hyunjin would have to impress them to not be left out of the group and there seemed to be no escape and Hyunjin just really wanted to go home and not be where he was right now.

Seungmin sat down next to him, Hyunjin could feel the anxiety overpowering him. He took in a shaky breath, closed his eyes, tried to calm his nerves. It was alright, he was alright, he was alive, his leg was fine and not broken, just a little torn. It wasn’t alright, it was too much, way too much, Hyunjin buried his head in his hands and took in another shaky breath, he wouldn’t cry, no, he wouldn’t, Seungmin was sitting next to him, and then he felt the tears pricking his eyes and too much and way too much for his brain to handle.

“Are you a hugger, or would you like me to just talk you through it?” Seungmin quietly asked. Hyunjin let out a little sob.
“A hugger”, he finally mumbled, oh, this was so embarrassing and Hyunjin’s brain was so stupid and he hated that he reacted to sudden situations like this, and then he felt Seungmin wrap his arms around Hyunjin, in a gentle hug, and perhaps Hyunjin was dreaming all this, too, he wasn’t sure, he wasn’t sure about anything and everything was horrible!

“You’ll be okay, I promise. I know everything is confusing and scary right now, but you’re safe, I promise. Everything will be explained to you. You’re not alone in this.”
“What the fuck is going on?”
“I don’t really know either.”
“Am I insane? Are you the product of my consciousness?”
“No, you’re not, and no, I’m not. You’re fine. Or at least as fine as one can be in this situation.”
“Where’s- never mind.” Everything would be explained to him. He’d be alright. He had to believe Seungmin, he had to, otherwise he’d start spiraling and that never meant any good.

Hyunjin’s sobs eased down, his breathing got more even, Seungmin loosened his grip a little, turned it into a half-hug, where he kept on stroking Hyunjin’s back. Embarrassing. Horrible. Horrible! Everything was horrible and so overwhelming and Hyunjin didn’t know how to act. He had so many questions! Too many questions!
“Am sorry”, Hyunjin finally croaked out. Seungmin shook his head.
“Don’t be. You’re in a stressful situation, it’s understandable.”
Finally Hyunjin raised his head, swiped the tears and snot off of his face and sniffled. Seungmin pulled back, but didn’t leave Hyunjin’s side.
“This is just… I’m so confused.”
“I know.”

Hyunjin took a deep breath, before glancing around again. He was still wearing his muddy clothes. The bathroom was opposite to them, right?
“I… I think I’ll go change.”
“Do you have clothes with you?”
“Yeah… I think I’ll need more, I guess.” How long would he be staying? How long would he spend in this… place? How long would it take him to get back home?
“We’ll go get you some more tomorrow.”
“Okay.” Reassuring. There would be a tomorrow.

Hyunjin finally stood up and reached for his bag.
“I’ll wait for you here”, Seungmin called out as Hyunjin stepped out of the room to the hallway. He pushed the bathroom door open, which had a little, wooden sign that read “toilet” on Hyunjin’s eye level (how adorable). The toilet was… well, an average sized toilet. In front of Hyunjin was the sink with a mirror, underneath the sink was some sort of shelf. It was a normal toilet. A regular one, old, yes, but so was everything in the house. The colors in the toilet were white and a delicate yellow. There were flowers on the wallpaper, white tiles on the floor. Cute. The whole house felt like a grandma’s cottage. It exuded similar warmth, and Hyunjin hadn’t even seen anything besides his room and the toilet properly.

Hyunjin fumbled for a light switch and was surprised to find that the lights actually worked. He pulled the door close behind him, before glancing at his reflection in the mirror. He looked alright. He looked the same he had a few hours ago when he had left home. There were dirt stains on his jacket, a few had reached his cheeks, none of it had got into his hair, thankfully. So he hadn’t really fallen through? Then what the hell had happened?!

Hyunjin turned the faucet on, let the water run for a moment before splashing it on his face. Sure water would wake him from this dream. Then he looked at his now dripping face in the mirror and no, he was still in that little yellow bathroom at the end of the hallway. He wasn’t dreaming. Hyunjin dried his face on the towel next to the sink, before opening his gym bag. He fished out clean clothes, scrubbed off the excess mud from his hands and legs before changing into the clean clothes, simple white shirt and black sweatpants and socks. His other leg still hurt, but it hadn’t bled through the gauze, thankfully. Hyunjin hoped these people had a washing machine in their little cottage.

As he stepped out, he found Seungmin waiting for him in the hallway. Hyunjin threw his gym bag back into their room, he wouldn’t need anything from it right now, since phones were apparently useless.
“Ready?” Seungmin asked, a gentle tone in his voice. Was he? Not really.
“Yeah.”

The hallway was dim compared to the rooms, the sole light hanging from the roof hadn’t been switched on. On the floor was a long, colorful rug. There were four other doors along the hallway, two of them cracked ajar, letting in light to the hallway. Hyunjin guessed all of them had huge windows in their walls.
“This one is Jeongin’s room.” Seungmin pointed at the door next to their room. The door was left ajar, but Hyunjin couldn’t see inside.
“All of the rooms are really similar. Opposite to Jeongin is Chan and Minho’s room.” Hyunjin turned his head to the direction Seungmin pointed now. Minho was a new name. Jeongin was supposed to make them lunch, didn’t Chan say something like that? There was a little bell hanging from the doorknob. What was that for?
“Above is the attic.” And Hyunjin looked up, where he could see the outlines of a hatch on the roof. “There’s apparently just some old stuff, nothing useful.”

The two of them walked along the hallway, Seungmin pointed at the next doors.
“Changbin’s”, on the same side as his and Seungmin’s room, “and Felix and Jisung’s”, on the opposite to Changbin’s. Six names, Hyunjin would remember them, he made a mental note of all of the doors and who lived in which ones. Then Seungmin, surprisingly, passed the stairs and turned from the end of the hallway to the right. There was a spacious area, with a few quite new looking sofas, surrounding a huge television. On the wall was a huge shelf full of DVDs, and if Hyunjin’s eyes didn’t betray him, all sorts of games from normal board games to console games. They didn’t, his eyes were right, Hyunjin followed Seungmin and they circled around the room, and in front of the tv was every single game console Hyunjin had ever seen being advertised.
“Wow.”
“This is the game room.”
“I can see that.”
There were pillows on the sofas, some were left on the wooden floor. The windows were covered with heavy curtains, they barely let in light. Everything was deep, reddish brown, just like the hallway. Now it felt more like one of those mansions in the historic movies, than the grandma’s cottage Hyunjin had initially felt.

Seungmin led Hyunjin back to the hallway, and then down the creaky stairs to the first floor. Hyunjin could hear laughter from somewhere. There was another hallway, on the left from Hyunjin was the door he had just come from, in front of him were coat hangers and dozens of shoes on the floor. Next to that was a closed door.
“This door leads to the basement, there’s a storage and the cellar. We usually keep dry wood there to light the fireplace.”
Hyunjin nodded at Seungmin, then they moved down the hallway to a new area, the dining area, Hyunjin figured. There were huge windows on the back wall, that led to a patio, which had a grill and a table and chairs and… was that a swimming pool in the garden?

On the wall to Hyunjin’s left was the fireplace, in front of it were a couple of sofas again. There were shelves again, there were books, pictures, paintings, other miscellaneous things, and a cat.
“That’s Applesauce. She’s our cat. Keeps the mice away.” Applesauce was black and sleeping on the shelf. “She loves Minho, doesn’t really care for the rest of us.”
A bureau, a soft-looking armchair. A piano. There was another television in front of the windows, smaller than the one upstairs.
“The televisions are mainly for movies. The tv-channels don’t work here.”

In the middle of the room was the dining table, around it were eight chairs. The tables and chairs were deep mahogany. On the right the room continued, circled behind a wall, and Hyunjin could hear chatter, laughter from there. A lump formed in his throat. There were a few artworks on the walls, Hyunjin couldn’t make out what they depicted, some of them were dark in color;
“Made by Jisung, he’s a pro at painting, his atelier is behind the kitchen.”

Seungmin stopped in the middle of the room, a little hesitant to continue their tour behind the wall that stood in between Hyunjin and six new people.
“Look, I, uhm…” Seungmin voiced, softly, quietly. Hyunjin stepped a bit closer to hear him better, someone laughed in the kitchen again.
“I’m not saying I’m glad that you’re here, too, but I’m sort of glad you’re here. You probably remember how much of a hard time I had adjusting to the school when I first moved and… yeah, ‘m not that good with a lot of new people suddenly, anyway, these guys are all good fun and nice, but I don’t really know them all that well so… I guess I’m glad that you’re here now. But also, not that glad that you’re here because there’s no going back.”
Hyunjin nodded. He didn’t know what else to say. Seungmin was glad that he was wherever he was, and that somehow felt reassuring and relieving but at the same time, not. Not with the last words he had said.

“Let’s go meet the rest of your new friends”, Seungmin then smiled that little crooked smile of his, and walked around the corner, Hyunjin following after him, the anxiety once again gripping his sides, making him unable to form words. Just as he circled around the corner, the laughing stopped, the chatter stopped,

and Hyunjin stepped into the kitchen, and right at him were staring five pairs of eyes.

Chapter Text

The kitchen was lovely, lively, warm. It looked rather modern compared to the rest of the house (not in a minimalistic way), the equipment in there looked quite new. Sunlight was streaming through the window, dust danced in the air, there was a huge pot sizzling on top of the stove, next to it, to Hyunjin’s right were a kitchen counter and two fridges. The kitchen was big, bigger than the little kitchen at Hyunjin’s home was, there was a smaller, round table in the middle of it. That, too, dark wooden in color. There were more pictures on the walls, the wallpaper was warm yellow, a few cupboard doors were open. Everything exuded warmth. There were some kind of spices growing from their pots on the windowsill. Hyunjin could recognize one of them to be thyme.

And then there were five pairs of eyes staring at Hyunjin. Six people all in all. Hyunjin swallowed, all too aware of his position as the new guy now.
“H-hi”, he stammered, studied the group in front of him. There were two people sitting around that table, the other one of them had a bright pink track jacket one would have described as ‘vintage’ on, the other one wasn’t staring at Hyunjin, but rather at his general direction, unfocused. The rest four people weren’t sitting, one, face unfamiliar to Hyunjin, was stirring the pot next to the stove, one, the Chan one, was leaning against the counter behind the boy who was not staring at Hyunjin, and then there was the Felix guy with a gentle smile on his face, and then the Changbin guy, who had been just searching for something from one of the cupboards.

“Hello”, the one who was not staring right at Hyunjin voiced. Hyunjin realized that he had been sitting on the porch with the others as Hyunjin and Seungmin had arrived. And Hyunjin had said nothing. God, how embarrassing!
“Hello!” The pink jacket guy smiled, nearly as blindingly as Felix.
“Are you fucking- where’s the damn salt when you need it. Chan!” the boy stirring the pot cursed, before turning towards Hyunjin; “Hi, and welcome, I hope you’re hungry because after so many winters I still don’t know how to make food for eight people instead of twenty.” He, too, had a beaming smile. This wouldn’t be so bad. It wouldn’t.

Then a somewhat awkward silence fell, Hyunjin wanted to desperately disappear from the world for a brief moment because he had no idea what to do next, and then Seungmin cleared his throat.
“Uh, yeah, this is Hyunjin.” And Hyunjin smiled. Or tried to. He could feel a lump of anxiety in his throat.
“Hyunjin, these are the guys. Jisung.” Seungmin pointed at the boy in the pink track jacket. He waved his hand at Hyunjin, Hyunjin smiled slightly.
“Minho”, the one who didn’t look at Hyunjin. Rather odd.
“He’s, um-“
“I’m blind, if you’re wondering why I’m not looking at you. I can see lights and some shapes but that’s about it.” Oh.
“Oh, alright”, Hyunjin mumbled quietly. That explained it. It was now that Hyunjin noticed the white cane leaning against the table next to him.
“Yes, and that’s Jeongin”, Seungmin continued, the boy stirring the pot was Jeongin. Hyunjin nodded. Oh god, how he hated introductions.

“I hate introductions”, oh so Chan agreed “anyways, welcome to the team, Hyunjin. You have probably a hundred thousand questions, and we will try to answer all of them, but first, Jeongin, is the food ready yet? I’m starving.”
“It will be once you hand me the salt.”
“Oh, right.” And Chan turned around, opened a cupboard above him and handed Jeongin the salt. Hyunjin just stood there, perhaps he stepped a little closer to Seungmin, eyed him and got an encouraging nod in turn.

“Okay, I know we’re a little awkward, but someone go set the table, we no longer fit around the round table.”
“We haven’t fit around it ever since Minho joined us”, Felix answered to Chan, but turned around as well and got plates from the shelf above his head. Jisung stood up from his seat and went to help him.
“True.”
“Hey, is that leg of yours alright?” The Changbin guy looked at Hyunjin.
“Oh, um, Seungmin cleaned it with disinfectant, I guess it is…”
“Didn’t you say you fell through stairs?”
“Yeah.”
“Not alright then, there might be some blisters left. Come here.” Changbin nodded at the seat left by Jisung. With shy, a bit wobbly steps Hyunjin approached the chair and sat down before pulling the leg of his trousers up. Changbin pulled a small stool from underneath the sink and lifted Hyunjin’s leg on it. Hyunjin noticed that Seungmin was now helping to set the table in the dining room as well.

“How does one simply fall through stairs?” Minho asked. He had turned slightly to face Hyunjin a little better. Hyunjin noticed that the pupils of his eyes were mostly grey.
“I… uh, went to… check my home after I… fell here I guess.” God! Hyunjin could have used some of that masked confidence right now! Where was it?!
“Ah. So you’re from here?”
“Yes, I live by the street that leads to the forest trail.”
“I see. We have walked past it quite many times.”

Changbin removed the gauze wrapped around Hyunjin’s leg, Hyunjin felt really awkward and didn’t know how to continue the conversation. He quickly looked away as the last layer of the gauze fell off. Changbin hissed.
“Damn. You’re lucky your leg isn’t broken.” Well, it didn’t hurt that much! Or perhaps it did.
“Ouch”, Felix, brows knitted together, eyed Hyunjin’s leg. Chan didn’t look all too happy about the sight, either, as he handed a few glasses to Jisung, who took them to the dining hall. Hyunjin noticed now that next to him, on his left was a wide doorway that led to two rooms, most likely the atelier Seungmin had mentioned and the shower and other bathroom, since Hyunjin hadn’t seen them anywhere yet.

Changbin examined Hyunjin’s leg, poked gently around and Hyunjin gripped the sides of the chair to not yell out of pain. There was another bottle of disinfectant, some tweezers and gauze on the counter next to them. Changbin took the tweezers and pulled a few splinters more out of Hyunjin’s leg.
“Your leg looks like it got mauled by a bear. No offence.”
“None taken”, Hyunjin grinded his teeth together.
“What were you even doing there?”
“Searching for answers.”
“Fair.” Then Changbin took a towel and for the second time of the day Hyunjin had to bite his lip and screw his eyes shut as Changbin pressed the disinfectant-wet towel against Hyunjin’s leg. Good god, the burn. After a few moments it disappeared, and with nimble fingers Changbin tied the gauze around it.
“Thank you.” Hyunjin sounded like he was trying to hold his tears in. Because he was.
“No problem. Glad I didn’t study to be a paramedic for years for nothing.”

*

Somehow Hyunjin ended up sitting at the end of the table, Seungmin next to him, Changbin opposite to him. Minho sat next to Changbin, Chan next to him, and Seungmin had been right, Applesauce absolutely loved Minho. She kept on purring on his lap begging for more scratches as Minho tried to eat his soup. Jeongin sat next to Seungmin, and at the other end of the table, on either side sat Jeongin and Felix. Hyunjin felt awkward. Spoons were clinking against the porcelain plates, Hyunjin could hear the wind outside, it had picked up a little. His leg hurt. The soup was good. Jeongin was a good cook.

Hyunjin looked around a little, he realized there were no clocks on the walls. Just shelves and more artworks. The one currently in front of him, on the other side of the room, was rather dark in color, and Hyunjin was quite sure it depicted some sort of a scene from… war?
Chan cleared his throat:
“Alright, so, Hyunjin, how much have you figured out by now?”
“I… um… I guess I… dropped through something in here and… got transported forwards in time or something.” That sounded absolutely insane. A crooked smile tugged the corner of Chan’s mouth, the rest of the boys were listening to them.

“Not entirely wrong. You weren’t transported forwards in time, you fell through a reflection and now you’re in a… well, a realm that mirrors the real one.”

“I’m in a what?!” Hyunjin knew, the anxiety that had been piling up in his chest was evident in his voice by now. Seungmin moved a little closer to him, glanced at him with a reassuring, gentle smile.
“Well, I mean, this is a real one as well, just as real as the other one. We’re not entirely sure, has something to do with overlapping dimensions. This one is an almost perfect reflection of the world we are all from, except that it just doesn’t have any humans in it.”

Hyunjin couldn’t help but stare at Chan. What. What the hell? What the hell?!
“W-what do you mean?” Hyunjin’s voice came out in a squeak.
“I’m sure you noticed in your little stroll, everything is covered by nature, everything looks like it has been abandoned years ago. Even houses, that are being built in the other realm right now will appear here as if overtaken by nature and tens of years old already. Everything that exists in the real world, exists here, except for people and other living things. Everything inanimate has a counterpart in this world.”

Hyunjin opened his mouth, closed it, opened it again.
“W-what do you mean there’s no people here?”
“I mean that this isn’t people’s realm. People don’t belong here.”
“T-then why- how-?”
“In order to come here, you need to accidentally fall through a reflection, a door, if you will. That door leads here, and those doors only appear in the real world for a few seconds to a minute at most. People need to be very unfortunate to fall through them, as all of us have.” Serious Chan was much scarier than the one that had greeted Hyunjin for the first time just a few moments ago.
“I wouldn’t call myself unfortunate-“
“I know, Jisung, but you didn’t leave much behind you in the real world.”
“Ouch.” Jisung didn’t sound mad. Chan flashed him an apologetic grin, before continuing:
“There are no other people, because people aren’t part of this realm. This realm belongs solely to nature only. We are here as guests. We are here at their mercy.”

Hyunjin glanced out of the huge window, then at the seven people around him. He was insane. This wasn’t real. This didn’t happen. Other dimensions didn’t exist.
“Hyunjin, in the next upcoming days, weeks, months, years, measures of time that no longer matter, you are going to see things that you will not be able to explain with any of the knowledge you have gained from the real world. I’m sure you have already. It’s best for you to just accept them as they are. The rules in the real world don’t apply in this one. There are beings in the forests that don’t exist in the real world. There are whispers in the wind, little fires dancing on surfaces of water. Just accept them, roll with them, don’t try to explain them with sense. But don’t doubt them. This is all real, you are real, I am real, we are all real.”

Hyunjin nodded. What else was he supposed to do?
“T-that… that deer we saw…”
“Golden eyes?”
“Yeah…”
“I call them forest gods. You can call them whatever you want, but never disrespectfully. They’re letting us stay here. That’s why we don’t really use cars, they don’t like them.”
“Alright.”

Alright. He was just going to accept it all. He had to, he had really no other choice, did he? If this was a dream, he’d wake up soon.
“So… Is there… a way back?”
“No.”
What? That anxiety forced breath out of Hyunjin. This couldn’t- he- oh no. Oh no.
“The reflection doors can only be seen when you see another person from it and know that it’s a door. And they only work one way. We’re not sure why, we haven’t looked into them all that much. Or well… Anyway. There’s no turning back now. You’re here. I’m sorry, Hyunjin, but you can’t get back.”

Hyunjin clenched his jaw, grinded his teeth down so hard it hurt.
“Tell him about the shadows”, Minho mumbled.
“Right, yeah. You probably noticed the line of salt surrounding the house when you got there. That’s for the shadows. The shadows come once the sun sets. If they catch you, they will kill you. The salt, for some reason, keeps them away.”
The what? Will what?!
“You can never see them directly, but you can see them from the corner of your eyes, flashing at the periphery of your view. If they catch up to you, you will drop dead immediately, and most likely you turn to one of the shadows. We don’t really know what they are. Souls, probably, but this realm isn’t the realm of the dead, since you can die in here, too. Trust me, I have seen it first-hand. Anyway, the salt keeps them away, but the circle has to be reinforced every few days. That’s why in every bedroom there’s a bowl of salt as well. If they for some reason manage to get through, you can just throw a handful of salt at the shadows and they will evaporate. We do have someone always staying awake every night to guard the house from them but… you can’t get careful enough with that.”
Too much. All too much.
“What else? Oh, yeah, the shadows don’t appear here all that often, we believe that they appear where there are people in real life the most, they somehow follow after their energy, so they usually stay in the town. That’s why we never visit the town at night, only during the days. And why we live here, as far as possible from them. But sometimes we can see them wandering around our yard, too, and uh… yeah. Watch out for them.”

Too much. Way too much. Hyunjin was overwhelmed.
“A-alright.”

A few heartbeats, Hyunjin didn’t know what to say. The room felt too… bright. The walls felt like closing in.
“I- I think I- need a. Moment. Thanks for the soup.” Hyunjin, his chair scratching against the floor, rose up hastily and left the room. He could hear another chair being pulled out, and a faint: “Leave him be, it’s a lot to take in”, before he ran up the creaky stairs, along the hallway and in through the last door on the right. His and Seungmin’s room. Hyunjin slammed the door shut behind him, before leaning against it. His heart was pounding, his hands felt clammy, he felt like he couldn’t breathe properly.

What the hell? What the hell?! He was in… another… dimension? That’s what Chan had said. This wasn’t right. This wasn’t real, it couldn’t be, the other dimensions didn’t exist, this wasn’t real, it wasn’t, it couldn’t be! Hyunjin slid down the door to a sitting position, pulled his knees against his chest. This wasn’t real. This couldn’t be real.

And he couldn’t get out…? There was no way out. There was no way back!

He would… he would… he would never see his parents?

He’d never see Younghoon? Or Juyeon? Or anyone from the basketball team?

Not Daehwi? Not his favorite professors? Not his aunt, his grandfather, any of his cousins?

Not his mother. Not his father.

No.

This couldn’t be right. It couldn’t be real. It couldn’t- it- it couldn’t!

He’d never see his parents again! Not his neighbor’s dog! No one!

No one!

He’d never see his family again. He would never taste the cookies his mother baked him every year on his birthday. He’d never get to hug his father after a successful game. He’d never- he would never- never-

He’d never meet them. Ever again. And that thought alone sent Hyunjin over the edge, broke him down into wavering sobs, head buried in his hands.

***

The knock sounded like it came from somewhere far away. Hyunjin sprung up, he had nearly dozed off against his knees, but just nearly. The crying had taken a while to stop, Hyunjin knew he looked like a teary-eyed mess, his eyes were puffy and face all swollen. He didn’t know what to do. He didn’t want anyone to see him, he just wanted to go home. But there was no home. He couldn’t go home.

Or he could. But there would be no one for him. Nothing but shadows.

“Yeah?” he croaked. The door cracked open, and a familiar face peeked through the crack. The yellow sunlight reflected against Seungmin’s glasses.
“Um, I was just wondering if you’d like to join me and Felix, we’re picking strawberries from the backyard. You don’t have to, if you don’t want to, but Felix loves new people, and uh… well, I know that being alone right now might sound amazing, but it’s not. It would be great if you joined us.”
Did Seungmin want him to join them?
“Yeah, uh, I’ll, I’ll come”, Hyunjin agreed. Hell, what else was he supposed to do? He knew damn well that if he was to spend time on his own, he’d either go even more insane or cry for the rest of the day. Which sounded tempting but… the situation wasn’t going to change, was it? No.

Unless. If there was a way in, there was a way out, right? There had to be. Chan had to know something, or maybe he just didn’t know enough. This couldn’t be it.

Hyunjin took a deep breath, collected himself. He had done this before, he could just throw on that mask of confidence he always wore, he could do that, he wasn’t weak, or feeling any type of way about this. He was unfazed. He was calm and cool and collected, like was expected to be. Yeah. That’s what he was. That’s how he acted. Then Seungmin flashed him a smile and oh no, Hyunjin was not cool or calm or collected, his heart felt like pounding through his chest as he followed after him to the hallway and down the stairs. He then realized that the shoes by the door were dirty, ran back upstairs to get the other ones, and after that, he followed Seungmin outside.

The sun had moved a little, it was most likely afternoon, that’s how much Hyunjin could tell by the shadows. Seungmin took two baskets by the door on the porch’s side and handed one of them to Hyunjin. Hyunjin glanced around the yard, there was no one in sight.
“Where are the others?”
“Jisung is painting in his atelier, Minho, Jeongin and Chan left for a little walk. Changbin is most likely with Jisung. I don’t know, I haven’t seen him after lunch.”
“Alright.” Hyunjin was careful to not step on the thick line of salt as they passed by it. They circled the house to the backyard, where, as Hyunjin had seen, was the pool, all the apple trees, a little greenhouse by the forest, and next to it were the strawberries. Or that’s what Hyunjin guessed, since Felix was hunched over something there.

“Do the… forest gods not like it when you mow the lawn?”
Seungmin chuckled.
“They don’t mind it as long as we don’t touch the forest, the lawnmower is broken, and no one has bothered to fix it or bring a new one with them, since we rarely use the car. Last time it was used they apparently brought a new fridge here since the old one broke.”
“I see. Wasn’t your dad a mechanic? I thought you could fix things.”
“Please, don’t tell them that, I don’t want to be the one mowing the lawn.”
“There you are!” Felix stood up, he had gloves on and some dirt on his forehead. He wiped sweat off of his forehead and it was now that Hyunjin noticed that it was actually warmer than usually around this time in spring. Then he looked around again and realized that it wasn’t spring here. It was summer. Everything was in full bloom. The flowerbeds, considerably neater here than in the front yard, the apple trees were slowly growing their fruits, and nature felt alive. Not awakening. Alive.

“Glad to see you too, Hyunjin!” he beamed, once again that sunshine smile of his. Felix felt… comforting. He had a comforting presence.
“Please be careful and don’t step on the strawberries or the plants itself or I will personally chop your arm off.” Felix turned and squatted next to one strawberry plant; his basket was already half-way full. There were at least seven rows of strawberries. Hyunjin looked at the little field with raised eyebrows.
“I didn’t remember there was a strawberry field here.”
“That’s because there wasn’t. I planted these three summers ago, and finally they have grown enough to give us a proper harvest.”
“Oh, alright.”
“The things that we do here for some reason don’t leave imprints in the real world. I mean, I remember this house being half-collapsed and the yard certainly wasn’t this big, nor were there any pools or greenhouses.” Seungmin answered to the question Hyunjin hadn’t even known he had been wondering.
“Wow. Okay.” Just roll with it. That’s what Chan had said, that’s how he had advised. Hyunjin would just roll with it.

He chose the row of strawberries next to Seungmin and squatted down. He could hear the birds in the trees and the wind around the leaves, dancing across the yard. It smelled so… lush. Flowers, rainwater, mud, strawberries, something from the woods. Peaceful. Like there was no one else in the world except for them.

And there wasn’t. Hyunjin took his basket and started picking the strawberries, Felix said something about the tomatoes in the greenhouse to Seungmin and Seungmin said something about using rainwater to water them, they’d have to get more buckets from their next trip to the town, the strawberries smelled good, fresh, Hyunjin’s fingers got all red from them, they made a hollow sound as they dropped to the bottom of the basket. Hyunjin was glad neither of them mentioned that Hyunjin looked like garbage. Perhaps they were… used to people acting like this. Seungmin said something about books, Hyunjin remembered the time he had seen him from the reflection, music traveled over the yard from the house, there was an open window, probably the atelier or something, and Hyunjin had so many questions swarming once again in his head.

“So, Hyunjin, you fell through a puddle? And if I have understood correctly, you and Seungmin are friends and you used to live in one of the houses nearby?” Felix turned his attention to Hyunjin. Hyunjin gazed at him, careful to not drop any strawberries.
“Yeah. And yes. And yeah.”
“That’s cool. What day was it in your realm?”
“Huh? Saturday?”
“I mean… what date?”
“Fifteenth of May…”
“Alright. So nearly half a year in two weeks.” Felix’s brows furrowed a little, he had now dirt on his nose, too. His warm blonde hair looked nearly orange in the sunlight.
“Huh?!”

“The time doesn’t move here like it does in the real world.” Seungmin mumbled. Hyunjin’s knees were starting to hurt from squatting, he rose up, tried to get the few wisps of hair away from his face before returning to the strawberry bush in front of him. He had nearly already picked all the ripe ones from it. The time… what?
“What do you mean?” Hyunjin glanced at Seungmin.
“I mean that you told me that I disappeared half a year ago. It’s been two weeks in here. I fell through the bus stop glass wall two weeks ago and suddenly I was here, and it was summer.”
“…Oh.”
What? What! Nothing made sense! Absolutely nothing!

“Yeah, we don’t use clocks, either, or calendars, they’re useless here. Rise with the sun, go sleep with the moon and so on. One cycle of seasons can feel like three years and sometimes only a few months. The seasons change when they want.”
“Alright.” Just roll with it, Hyunjin. Nothing was made to make sense in this… realm. Dimension. Whatever. Felix sounded so nonchalant. He was so… used to all of this.
“So, if… I don’t know. If Seungmin has only been here for two weeks but in real life it’s been six months, when did you get here? Or… how long has it been?”
“It’s been a few winters. I don’t know how to count that in years, though, but I’ve been here for some time, or me and Jisung have, and for the first few uh… months, I guess, we were alone before meeting up with Chan and Jeongin. But, anyways, we fell through a puddle like you did, in uh… was it fifty-four? Yeah, I think it was.”
“Fifty-four!” Hyunjin shrieked, scared a few birds off the bush close by; “What? Like 1954?”
“Yeah”, a grin crept up on Felix’s features.
“What the fuck?!”
“Yeah, so, the time doesn’t really work here, or I don’t know, since you’re from, 21st century, and I’m from the fifties, I should be like, an old man compared to you, but we’re around the same age.”
“Then what- how- Do people not age here?”
“No, because the time doesn’t move like in the real world. I mean, we do age, apparently Chan was just a little kid when he got here, and so was Jeongin, so we do age, just a lot slower.” Felix threw a few strawberries in his basket, Hyunjin had completely forgotten his. What the fuck.

“So… when did they get here?”
“Chan is from the late nineteenth century and Jeongin is from the beginning of twentieth. So, they have been here over a hundred years if we compare it to the real world, yet they have both aged like… fifteen years. Chan a little more. But it still doesn’t make any sense, because me and Jisung have been here over sixty years, and neither of us has barely aged. I mean, we have a little, but, well, not much. We weren’t little kids when we got here. Or we were, but… Well, that’s another story.”
“Alright”, Hyunjin choked out. Time didn’t work, there were shadows and odd creatures and no people. Great. Fantastic.

“So, when did the others get here?”
“Minho got here around the eighties and Changbin in the early 21st century. He hasn’t been here all that long, one winter, maybe. We measure time in winters, for some reason, I don’t know why, since the winters are never the same length either.”
“Alright.” Just roll with it, Hyunjin. Nothing made sense and he was insane. That was alright.
“Has there been… others? Or just you?”
“Not in my time. There was before us, or that’s what Chan has said, but he doesn’t really… speak about them. We haven’t spent all the time in this house, we have moved around a little, but then we found this house and settled here. It belonged to someone else before us, we haven’t renovated it really at all. Apart from the new stuff in the kitchen. And the solar panels. And Jisung’s paintings, he loves to paint. And our rooms, of course.”

The gears in Hyunjin’s head were turning.
“So there are other people? Here, I mean? Or like, in this… dimension? If the house belonged to someone else?
“Yup. It’s just another thing to find them. And it’s also safer in smaller groups, after ten people the shadows start to appear more frequently, according to Chan.”
“I see.” So they weren’t completely alone. There were other people. Just… not here. Somewhere else.
“We used to travel around just to find people that got lost here but, you know, you’ll never know when they appear and where, so we just decided to settle in here after we found this place. It’s a nice place, and the town is close enough but far enough and small enough. The bigger the city, the more shadows. Though, in bigger cities people tend to get lost in here more often, or that’s at least what I’d think.”
Hyunjin nodded. Wow. Just wow. Great. Amazing. Not scary and terrifying and anxiety-inducing at all. Too much. Just roll with it. Nothing made sense and it was alright to be insane.

Hyunjin didn’t know what to say anymore, he still had so many questions, so he continued his berry-picking. Did Seungmin know all of this already? Had he been as confused and lost? Had all of these people told everything to Seungmin, too?
“Don’t worry, I know it’s all a lot to take in at once but after a few days it’s going to get easier.” Felix smiled at him. He sure was a talkative one. But he felt safe. He had sunshine shining from him. Hyunjin tried to muster up a smile and nodded at him, but he was quite certain all of the emotions of confusion swarming inside him were visible from his eyes. Or posture. Or anything. So much for the mask of confidence.

Seungmin asked something about the strawberries and Felix’s whole being seemed to light up, and he started to explain everything about growing the little plants. That was somehow so… Seungmin. He knew what questions to ask. He could read people like open books, get them out of their shells. Hyunjin watched as Felix, stars in his eyes explained to Seungmin something about watering the plants and finding the right sort of dirt and Seungmin had this endearing smile on his face and maybe, just maybe a tingle of jealousy ached in Hyunjin’s chest and then he remembered that he was here to pick the berries and then the door opened and Hyunjin’s focus was all over the place again and footsteps on the long grass behind him and Hyunjin tried to turn and nearly fell on his ass but stumbled up and his knees hurt again and,
“Hello, light of my life, could you please hand me that other basket by the greenhouse door?”, Felix had stopped talking about strawberries. Jisung nodded and got the basket for Felix. Light of my life?

And then Felix kissed Jisung on his cheek.

Oh. Alright. Well, they clearly had got there together. Did they know each other even before? Or had they… got together… here?
“Feel free to help us”, the freckled boy smiled at his… boyfriend? And Changbin.
“I’m old and my knees are about to break.”
“Alright, grandpa, get your basket”, Felix laughed at Changbin. Jisung squatted down next to Felix, his darker locks had some paint on them. So did the pink jacket he was wearing, and currently trying to get the sleeves to stay up.
“Did you finish your painting?” Felix asked, fondly looked at the boy next to him.
“No, the paint needs to dry first before the next layer.”

Hyunjin glanced at Seungmin, he didn’t seem to mind the two. Changbin was next to him, more eating the berries than picking them. Hyunjin noticed it, how Felix and Jisung seemed to fall into their own little world, the rest of them faded away, as Jisung gently tickled Felix’s side and Felix nearly threw his half-full basket at him.

So that was… okay here? Well, it probably was in the real world, too but… Not in such a small town as theirs. Or well, Hyunjin had never talked to anyone except Younghoon about his crush since he was a boy… and Seungmin was a boy… and he didn’t know how the people around him reacted to that sort of thing, nor his parents, so he had never really said anything. He did know his parents were supportive and understanding and all that but… then again, he knew that not everyone accepted it, and that had bothered him a lot, and got him insecure and… well. Got him never saying anything to anyone. Or Seungmin. But that seemed to be okay here. Felix and Jisung were accepted, Seungmin and Changbin didn’t seem to mind them, they were just… being themselves and seemingly in love.

Comforting. Maybe Hyunjin, too, would one day dare to come out of the shell he had tightly built around himself.

Chapter Text

With the help of Jisung and Changbin, Hyunjin, Felix and Seungmin got most of the harvest picked within a few hours. Chan, Minho and Jeongin returned from their walk two hours later but decided not to take part in their little task. Hyunjin may or may not have picked only half of the amount that Seungmin and Felix had, but Felix had only smiled and thanked him nevertheless. That was nice. He didn’t judge Hyunjin’s… well, inability to focus on the task at hand. It wasn’t that it was hard or anything, but Hyunjin’s mind had decided to focus on every single breath of air, crack of a branch in the forest close by, every passing bird, Jisung’s loud laughter, every word Seungmin and Changbin exchanged. Of course he was all over the place. He wanted confirmation for Chan’s tales about odd creatures and shadows.

After that Hyunjin learned that the people around him had their afternoon tea at the… afternoon, since Hyunjin couldn’t tell the time (well, now he wouldn’t be late to anything, since the concept of time had been thrown to the garbage, good for him). Hyunjin, too, ended up sitting on the porch, squeezed in between Seungmin and Changbin. The sun had moved in the sky, it bathed the yard in warm afternoon light. A few birds were swimming in the little pond next to the huge flowerbed. Hyunjin guessed that the flowerbed was Felix’s work as well.

Hyunjin also learned that usually everyone just went on with their days as they pleased, but they gathered for lunch, afternoon tea (or soda, since Hyunjin didn’t drink tea) and dinner together. Breakfasts were different, since everyone woke up on different times, but Changbin had mentioned that if anyone tried to sleep past lunch, he’d personally come throw ice cold water on them and wake them up. Hyunjin made a mental note of that (luckily he was a rather light sleeper). He also learned that they had daily chores and there was a checklist of them on the fridge’s door. Hyunjin’s name would be added on that list, too, underneath Seungmin’s. The chores were changed every week (or after seven sleeps, as Chan it said), and the chores mostly had something to do with housekeeping. Some of the chores were daily tasks such as loading and unloading the dishwasher, some were weekly such as cleaning the upstairs. Tidying the bedrooms were up to the people living in them, and that meant Seungmin and Hyunjin would be in charge of theirs.

He also learned that Changbin was surprisingly talkative and warm. He asked Hyunjin about his leg, whether it was alright, and promised to check up on it in the evening once more. He was basically a paramedic, as he had mentioned, he had trained for a few years to become one, but two days before he had received his degree, he had accidentally fell through a shop window as he had been leaning against it. That was all he told him while sitting next to him, as Seungmin was listening to Jisung. It was odd. Or not odd, just… Hyunjin felt weird. It felt weird that these people just… took him in. That he was sitting around the table as everyone else, Jeongin opposite to him, and none of them really… minded? But it couldn’t be all that normal to them for new people to show up? Or perhaps it was, perhaps there were people coming and going every week, Hyunjin didn’t know about that.

“So, Hyunjin, why don’t you tell us something about yourself?” Uh oh. Chan glanced at him, a rather expectant look on his face.
“No need to, if you’re shy, we’ll get to know you, no matter if you want it or not”, Minho added, a sly grin on his face. Hyunjin understood after a few heartbeats that it was a joke.
“Minho, you’re scaring the kid.”
“I have that effect on people”, the boy laughed, clear and bright. His tea was no longer steaming in front of him.
“Well, I… uh…” Hyunjin seemed to forget every single thing about himself. “I… I’m from the same uni as Seungmin and… I play basketball.”
“That’s cool. Are you good?”
“Does he need to be good at something in order to do it?”
“Shut up, Jisung.”
“Yeah, I’m pretty decent.
“He’s more than decent, he was part of the university’s team.” Seungmin added. Something in Hyunjin’s chest fluttered.
“Yeah, I’m part of that.” Or was? Was he still part of it?

And what the hell did he do besides play basketball? Party? He didn’t have a personality outside of basketball!
“I also… like to watch series and… movies and… I’m bad at talking about myself.”
That earned him some laughter, it loosened his shoulders a little.
“We’ve all been there, no worries. How about a little introduction from everyone?” Chan looked around the table, he sat at the end of it. The warm light made his dark hair look reddish. He was wearing a simple white dress shirt (a bit odd, perhaps, but then again Jisung had the flashy pink jacket and neon green sunglasses, so not all that odd).
“They’re so awkward, though.”
“I don’t care, we have all once been very awkward with each other, it’s nothing new. Anyways, you already know my name is Chan and if you’re from year 2020 then that means I’m roughly 140 years old. I feel like a little over twenty, though, so that’s not probably correct since time is nothing but a concept in here. I like to write and explore the woods, and I’m pretty sure I’m the one who knows the surroundings the best of us.” Hyunjin nodded. Now that Chan was not telling him how things around here worked with a serious tone, he could tell that he was a kind one, and not all that scary. He had a familiar aura. He had kind eyes that made him look like a puppy. The curls only enhanced it. He felt reliable.

“I like cats. And listening to music. Or books. And long walks. I’m also very bad at telling things about myself”, Minho smiled as he sipped from his tea. His chestnut hair fell over his forehead, curled slightly against his ears. It took a moment for Hyunjin to tear his eyes away from Minho’s. The grey in them was just… mesmerizing. For a brief moment he wondered what had happened to his eyes. Minho was wearing a simple gray t-shirt, his cane was leaning against the table in between him and Chan.

“Well, I like gardening in case you haven’t noticed yet”, Felix laughed, his nose scrunched. Jisung looked at him like he was the most precious thing in the world (because he probably was).
“I am also a decent paramedic, but my skills have just been… well, they’re not as updated as Changbin’s.”
“And I’m a painter. And I like poetry. And everything that has something to do with art. I don’t like the woods, I’d rather go explore the town, though that has been nearly thoroughly explored already. And I talk too much when I’m nervous”, Jisung nearly interrupted his beloved. He was a funky guy. Hyunjin realized now that the colorful streaks in his hair weren’t actually paint, they were dyed that way. Green and pink and yellow and orange and blue. Cool. So cool. He was bursting with color.

Jeongin, at the other end of the table continued:
“I am also nearly a hundred years old apparently. I got here when I was like four, so I don’t really know about the real world. I like knitting. And Applesauce, but she doesn’t like me. I think we should get a new cat.”
“I think so too”, Minho added.
“And I also like horror movies, but these people are too cowardly to watch any with me.” Hyunjin nearly promised to watch a few with this boy with silver hair. Funky, he had probably dyed it that way, too. Jeongin’s smile was wide, happiness seemed to linger around him. Just like Felix.

“Haven’t I told enough of myself?” Changbin moaned in distress.
“No”, Chan grinned at him.
“Fine. For some reason I’m always the one who chops the firewood around here. I’m somewhat studying to be an actual doctor, but without patients or anyone to show me how to do things in practice it’s sort of hard. I like reading comics.” Hyunjin nodded at Changbin. He could definitely see why he was the one chopping the firewood, he was rather buff in build. Though, Chan seemed to be in good condition, too. Otherwise Changbin seemed to be a bit more… cold? Not cold, he had been very nice to Hyunjin, but he seemed distant at first glance. Could also be the resting bitchface he had on when he wasn’t smiling.

“You already know me”, Seungmin muttered next to Hyunjin.
“No, I don’t”, Hyunjin joked. Except it wasn’t a joke. Hyunjin didn’t really know Seungmin all that well apart from how he was at school, he had only ever seen glimpses in between their groupwork sessions.
“I like books, and reading in general. I’d love to be as good of a gardener as Felix. And I’ve once been arrested for striking against the government for their insufficient actions against global warming.”
“You what?!” Hyunjin nearly yelled out, eyeing Seungmin with eyes open wide.
“Yeah. It was last summer, my dad had to come get me from the jail. I wasn’t charged, though, I don’t know why.”
“What the hell?” Hyunjin had had no idea of this. Seungmin simply flashed him a grin. So much for the calm and kind student council secretary!

“What’s global warming?” Chan asked.
“No, not this again, old man, we’re not explaining anything to you anymore”, Changbin laughed, and nearly got a cup of tea thrown at his head.

With laughter the focus shifted from Hyunjin to all around. Chan told them that they saw a family of foxes on their little midday stroll around the area, Hyunjin noticed that wind had picked up a little as the windchimes on the porch started making little tingling noises. Then he noticed that there was a rather large bell next to the door, he wondered what it was for. Minutes passed, Hyunjin didn’t dare to take part in the conversation, he was still feeling shy, yet much more comfortable. He could see that these people were close. That Seungmin was also rather close with them already, too. Maybe Hyunjin would be in a few weeks as well, if he didn’t let his shyness take over.

“By the way, Changbin, we’re running out of firewood. Do you mind?” Changbin groaned as Chan smiled at him with the most innocent smile he could muster up.
“Fine. Hyunjin, you wanna come help?” Oh? Oh!
“Yeah, sure”, Hyunjin heard leaving his lips before he had time to think. Younghoon wasn’t here to save him, Hyunjin would have to get rid of his shyness himself.

***

They ended up in the woodshed, in between the little greenhouse and the barn-storage-thing. The light inside was dim, but not dim enough for it to be dark. The small window, covered with spiderwebs, let in just enough light. Hyunjin handed Changbin wood and he chopped them into smaller pieces that would fit in the fireplace. Perhaps it was a little awkward, as it always was with new people. Changbin didn’t seem to mind, though. There were a few beads of sweat on his forehead, the shed was rather hot, as was expected of a tiny house with no ventilation in the middle of the summer. There were wood splinters everywhere, Hyunjin tried to be as careful as possible to not step on any of them. He could hear laughing from outside.

“You probably have a shit ton of questions. Ask away, I’ve once been here for my first day, too.”
Well, asking questions sure was a better way to get to know this… world. And Changbin.
“How does electricity work here? I mean, I went to my house, but it didn’t work there, but you seem to have all kinds of technology here.” Hyunjin recalled the television and all the gaming consoles upstairs of the house. And all the kitchen equipment. Seungmin had mentioned something about solar panels, too.
“We have solar panels and generators as well as some aggregates or whatever you call them. Sometimes the electricity doesn’t work, solar panels don’t work in the night and sometimes the stored energy runs out. Then we just sit in the dark and use candles to light our way.”
“Damn. Did you set up the solar panels by yourselves?”
Changbin brought the axe down and chopped a piece of wood into two halves, before putting them in a basket reserved for the wood. There were a couple of them, and Hyunjin knew he’d be the one helping Changbin carry them back to the house.
“Yeah. Jeongin is an ace when it comes to learning that sort of stuff, so is Felix. And Chan helped them, of course, though it wasn’t easy, and I’m surprised they didn’t burn the whole house down while trying to install them.”
“Wow.” Hyunjin could never.

“So I suppose you don’t have normal tv channels here either? Or the internet?”
“Nope. I mean, I guess we would if someone were to make a broadcast from the station but since no one is doing that, there’s none.”
“Damn.”
“What, miss the magnificent world of the internet already?” Changbin had a snarky smirk on his face.
“I’m pretty sure the internet has changed quite a lot from your age.” Perhaps it was the comforting aura Changbin had that reminded Hyunjin a bit of Younghoon, that got him joking back. Or the fact that, despite cold outer appearance, Changbin was the first one who had been nice to him. Hyunjin didn’t know. And he didn’t want to think about it too much.
“Are you calling me old?” Changbin laughed.
“I’m calling everyone except me and Seungmin old.”
“Okay, fair enough.” Changbin chopped another piece of wood.

Another question crept up in Hyunjin’s mind. Would he dare? Yeah, he would.
“How about the… creatures and… shadows? Did Chan joke about them?”
“No.”
“Oh.” Scary. Too scary.
“I doubt you have to worry about the shadows all that much, I haven’t seen any in a few weeks. Or well, they can never be directly seen, just from the corner of your eye and flashes and so on. We have someone watching over the house every night in case of them and they wake everyone up if they show up. You’re going to have to be a night guard at some point, too, so prepare for that. And as for creatures… well, I’ve seen a lot of things, too many to list. I bet you’re going to see something too by the nightfall today. The fox family, for example, they live on the edge of the forest at the other end of the yard. The mother fox is a white fox with blue stripes all over it in even patterns, so, not your normal fox. Also, it glows a little in the dark.”
“Wow.” Wow. Hyunjin didn’t know what else to say.
“Yeah. And prepare for the sounds. The forest around us is very much alive, even more during the nights.”
“Sounds scary.”
“It is at first, but you’ll get used to it.”

“Is there really no way back?” Hyunjin handed Changbin another piece of wood, before tugging a strand of hair behind his ear.
“At least we haven’t found one yet. I mean, sometimes we see flickers that seem like doors to the real world but… if there is this world, then there could be another, and so no one has dared to try them out since we’re here and everything’s well. Or well, sometimes it gets a little lonely but then we just hang out and watch a marathon of movies and then it’s not so bad anymore.”
“I see.” The doors, they could be a chance. Could be. Hyunjin had to hope for it.

“Oh and, are Felix and Jisung… um…”
“Together? Yeah. Have been even before I got here. They have some… history. I’m not going to say more, that’s up to them to tell you.” Changbin threw more logs into the basket. One more basket left, they would be ready soon.
“Alright.” And now Hyunjin was curious. What kind of history? He wanted to know!
“How long have you and Seungmin known each other?” Changbin asked in turn.
“Since high school. We were in the same class. He moved to the town in the first grade, so ever since then.”
“But?”
“But what?”
“You sound like there’s a but.”
“I mean, well, we’re not that good friends. Just… acquaintances. We used to be little better friends, but then we got into university and were separated.”
“Ah, I see.”
“Yeah…”
“He’s a smart one. And he gets along with Jeongin well, he can be a feisty one at times.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah. He and Chan have the most arguments, otherwise it’s just easy sail for the rest of us. It’s probably because they’re so close, they’re like brothers, and Chan is protective over him, and sometimes Jeongin gets annoyed by that. Chan’s protective over Minho, too, and pretty much everyone, but it’s the most visible with those two.”
“For obvious reasons”, Hyunjin muttered.
“Yeah. Though, don’t say that to Minho or he will deck you. He gets annoyed by it occasionally as well, but you know, he knows he’s blind, he can’t see the shadows at all and they don’t make any noise, so he accepts the help.”

“How does he… get around? Or I don’t know, does he take part in the housekeeping or…?”
“Easily. He knows the house by heart, better than the rest of us, probably. He helps in cleaning and cooking and all that as much as he can. He recognizes things by shapes and smells and weight, sometimes he needs a little help and he’s not afraid to call for it. And he’s smart, probably smarter than any of us.”
“Ah, that’s good.”
“If you just have any questions for him, don’t be afraid to ask them. He always says there are no stupid questions and, well, if you have never… interacted with a blind person, then of course you won’t immediately know how to act around one. Just, remember to talk when you’re around him or approach him, and if you need to touch him or he’s in the way, just ask for permission first.”
“Okay, I will… thanks.”
“No problem”, Changbin cracked him a smile as he straightened his back. “Now, let’s get all of these baskets inside the house.”

***

Faster than Hyunjin could really understand, the night approached. After Changbin and Hyunjin had managed to carry all the baskets full of wood into the basement (which was a very scary looking place), they just lounged around, Hyunjin took another tour around the house with Changbin. He told Hyunjin little details Seungmin had forgotten, such as “the ladder to the attic is in the broom cupboard”, which was on the way to the ‘game room’, Hyunjin hadn’t noticed it earlier. “Everyone decorates their room how they want”, and Hyunjin got to take a peek in Changbin’s room as well. It was very neutral, very adult, there was a keyboard in front of the window. A few books, and a plant, too, the room was much darker in colors than Hyunjin and Seungmin’s was. A lot of purple, but in a tasteful way. Very nice.

They had dinner when the sun was about to set, there was still left enough of the soup Jeongin had made. It tasted better now that Hyunjin was… not as scared and confused as before. Sure, he was scared. Terrified. And very confused, but he did as Chan had told him to, just rolled with it, nothing made sense, nothing was made to make sense.

The setting sun dyed the yard around the house in soft orange, it danced against the glass of the windows, creating little rainbows on the wall opposite to them. The wind that had picked up earlier was slowly stilling, the birds started quieting down. The nature around them was slowly calming down, and perhaps Hyunjin had never really paid attention to it, but now that he was sitting on the patio behind the house and simply enjoying the moment the best he could, he could see the beauty in it. He could understand the dreamy look on Seungmin’s face. He could understand why the boy wanted to save the environment so badly. This place must have felt like a sanctuary to him after his childhood at that huge city he had previously lived in.

And then his focus shifted, because from the corner of his eye, he saw something glimmering, and he turned his head just slightly to see the source of it. There, on the flowerbeds next to the patio, were… fireflies? No. That glimmer wasn’t green. It was… blue and pink and violet and all shifty. Iridescent. Hyunjin let out a breath, as that glimmer moved from a flower to another.
“Ah. The faeries have woken”, Felix mumbled from the other end of the sofa. The sofa was soft, nearly engulfed Hyunjin.  

Faeries?

That little twinkling thing moved to another flower, Hyunjin leaned a little closer. He- faeries? As in a fairy? One of those little person-like things with wings and mischievous nature? They were… real?

Just roll with it, Hyunjin. Nothing made sense. Faeries were real.

The twinkling thing then started flying around, and soon Hyunjin could spot another glimmering dot from the flower bushes. And then another. And soon there were at least ten of them.
“They live in the flowers, so you need to be very careful when tending to them. That’s why only I do it. And I’m teaching Seungmin how to do that, too.”
Hyunjin nodded at Felix’s explanation, not really listening, way too focused on the glittering dots that were flying from a flower to another to actually understand what Felix had just said. He could hear Changbin chuckling, most likely at him.

And then one of those glittering dots approached Hyunjin and landed on his hand. On his fingers, specifically.
“You must smell good, they really like that.”
Hyunjin lifted his hand, just a bit, to see better and realized, that this fairy was nothing like those tiny people from the children’s books. It was… a bee.

Or well, it mostly resembled a bee. A bumble bee, to be exact. For some reason that made Hyunjin feel incredibly happy. A bee fairy! Huh, he would have never thought of that! Soon the bumble bee-fairy, glimmering in iridescent colors realized that Hyunjin’s fingers weren’t a flower, and it rose to its wings, and flew away back to the bushes next to the patio.
“I never thought they look like that…” Hyunjin mumbled, Felix giggled at him.
“That’s because they look a little different in here than in the woods. In the woods they’re much more like in the children’s stories, but they’re shyer and avoid us. Though, we’re not actually sure if they’re the same creatures, but they twinkle the same way, so we call them pixies. And those bee-like faeries don’t sting, but they can get angry at you, if you disturb their sleep. That just means they will fly around you and poke your face.”
“Adorable.”

Hyunjin watched as the little twinkles danced slowly around the yard. Enchanting. Magical. Wow. If all of the creatures were anything like these ones, then Hyunjin couldn’t wait to see them.

“The night is falling. I think we should go.” Seungmin mumbled from the armchair opposite to the sofa.
“Yeah, I’m getting tired”, Changbin muttered and stretched, suppressed a yawn.
“Didn’t sleep well last night?” Felix rose up, he had bundled himself in a woolly blanket to keep the cold of the evening away.
“You know I rarely do”, Changbin rose up, too, and Hyunjin followed their lead back inside, Seungmin trailing after him. Right. They would go to sleep and the shadows would do their thing and there was only one bed. Hyunjin would have to sleep next to Seungmin. Oh boy.

“You don’t have any pajamas with you, right?” Hyunjin could hear Seungmin from behind him.
“No.”
“Alright. Do you want to take a shower first? Since you fell through that puddle and were chopping wood with Changbin today.”
“Uh, yeah, that would be great.”
“Okay. There are spare towels in the showers, let’s get you one of those. C’mon, I’ll show you the showers.”

And once again Hyunjin followed Seungmin, through the doorway in the kitchen, Seungmin was just about to lead Hyunjin to the other room before stopping and changing his route to the smaller room that smelled a lot like paint, and there were at least five empty canvases all over the room along with spare newspapers as covers on the floor to protect them from the falling paint. The brown walls had paint splatter on them. Jisung was in the corner, trying to clean out one of his (clearly many) paint palettes underneath running water.
“What are you working on?” Seungmin asked, Jisung nodded towards a painting on one of the easels. Hyunjin glanced at it and found it to be very dark in color.
“There’s only the base color so far”, the boy in the pink jacket explained. Hyunjin wanted to get to know him better (as well as everyone else in the house), he seemed like such an interesting person.
“Looks cool”, Seungmin smiled at him, before leading Hyunjin out of the room and pushing the other room door open. He then switched the lights on. Utility room, clearly, Hyunjin stepped in after Seungmin and glanced around. There were two washing machines, things for cleaning the house, it was just an ordinary utility room. There was a basket full of dirty clothes next one of the washing machines, and some were hanging on a clothesline. There was another door at the end of the room, the shower and another bathroom, Hyunjin supposed.

Seungmin opened one of the cupboards on the left side and handed Hyunjin a clean towel.
“I’ll go get you some clothes and leave them here on the stool next to the shower door. Use whatever you want, just preferably not Jisung’s hair dyes”, Seungmin cracked him a smile, Hyunjin smiled back at him.
“Yell, if you need something.” And with that, Seungmin was off.

Hyunjin took his shower quickly, the shower and bathroom looked quite new, everything was shiny and clear white, at least compared to the bathroom upstairs. Who had renovated it? Jeongin and Felix? Since they were the handy ones? Or the ones that had lived in the house before them, since there apparently was someone? Hyunjin would need to ask.

True to his words, Seungmin had found him some pajama shorts and a large, white t-shirt, so Hyunjin slipped into them and took the rest of his clothes with him. He’d probably have to wear them tomorrow, too, since he didn’t have anything except for one shirt left anymore. Perhaps they would go to his house the next day and he’d get some more clothes.

Hyunjin hung his towel on the clothesline before stepping out of the utility room, Jisung wasn’t in his atelier anymore, the house felt quiet around him. Perhaps everyone had gone to sleep already, so Hyunjin should probably too. He walked through the rooms, got nearly a heart attack as he saw someone through the glass of the front door just as he was about to go upstairs, and then realized it was only Chan sitting on the front porch. Chan cracked the door open as he spotted Hyunjin:
“I’ll be the nightguard for tonight, try to get some sleep”, he smiled and Hyunjin nodded.
“Good night”, he mumbled at the curly haired boy, before hopping up the stairs to the second floor.

Right. The shadows.

***

This was awkward. So awkward. Hyunjin was staring at the ceiling, eyes still open, he couldn’t sleep. Not with all, everything happening around him, the entire day’s events swarming inside his head. Or Seungmin next to him, and Hyunjin could feel that he hadn’t fallen asleep yet, either. It was almost suffocating. Thank god they had their own blankets, and didn’t need to sleep under one big blanket. Seungmin had mumbled him a good night as Hyunjin had arrived, and Hyunjin had turned off the lights and mumbled a good night back, before crawling into the bed, on the door’s side of the room. He was uncomfortably aware of everything that was going on around him.

The moon was up, it casted it’s silvery light through the window into the room, drawing shadows in the corners. The house around them seemed to be alive, the floorboards were creaking ever so slightly every once in a while. Someone walked along the hallway and went to the bathroom. Hyunjin was surprised that the noises from the other rooms didn’t travel through the walls. Or perhaps everyone was really quiet. Hyunjin doubted that, though.

Then he heard the first howl and flinched, just a little. Wolves? Hyunjin had had no idea there were wolves around! Or was it a wolf? It could be something else. Another howl, but after that the forest fell quiet again. Were there shadows? Had they appeared already?

“Are you awake?” Seungmin’s whisper pulled Hyunjin out of his thoughts.
“Yeah”, he whispered back. He heard Seungmin rustling next to him, as he rose to a sitting position, so Hyunjin followed along, this was so awkward, Hyunjin wanted to crawl in a corner to hide, maybe Seungmin would ask him to go sleep downstairs or something-
“Can I ask you something?” Seungmin’s hair was slightly messy, his glasses were on the bedside table on his side, Hyunjin had never seen him without them. Not that he could see that much right now, the moonlight coming from behind Seungmin’s back kept him in the shadows.
“Sure.” Oh, he was going to ask Hyunjin to sleep somewhere else, for sure, definitely-

“What did you mean when you said I died?” Oh?
“W-well, I meant that… you died. Last December.” Huh? Did Seungmin not know that?
“But I didn’t die? I just fell through the bus stop window. I thought… I thought I just… disappeared from the real world.” Seungmin’s voice was quiet, Hyunjin could hear confusion in it. That was rather new, usually Seungmin was the… well, the smart one. The not-confused one, that was for Hyunjin.
“You… you died. I…” Hyunjin remembered the day. Oh, he still remembered it so clearly. He swallowed before continuing: “I mean… they found your body from that bus stop. You had died from some unknown reason, they couldn’t figure out what, your heart had just stopped beating and you had slumped against the window. It was all over the news, people were thinking you were murdered but… Yeah. Then there was a funeral and all that and… You died on that day.”

Seungmin opened his mouth, closed it, opened it again.
“Are you sure?” He croaked. Hyunjin could hear it, he was upset. And he had every right to be!
“I am. I was at the funeral. I saw it when they lowered your casket in the grave.” Hyunjin could feel it, the lump growing in his throat.
“Was it a big funeral?” Seungmin whispered.
“It was. You were the talk of the town for weeks. You were the tragic story I thought would last forever.”
“Thought?”
“I…” Hyunjin had no idea how to continue, really. “Well, you didn’t only die… you disappeared, too. Just like you thought you did.”
“What do you mean?”

Hyunjin took a deep breath, there was another howl that dragged his attention elsewhere for a brief moment, before he continued:
“You disappeared. Everyone forgot about you. I- you disappeared from all the pictures. From the year books. From the school council pictures. From that picture we took-“ too much Hyunjin, too much! “We, we took at the high school graduation party… And when I, I mentioned you to my friend, he didn’t remember you. And then I searched for all the articles they wrote about you and they were gone. And so was your name from the grave.”
Seungmin just stared at him. Seconds passed, Hyunjin could hear his own breathing. He had said too much, hadn’t he?

“My parents?” Seungmin whispered again. Hyunjin could hear the pain in his voice, it wrenched his insides.
“I don’t know. They moved away in January. Maybe they forgot, too, since everyone else did.”
“Did you ask around?”
“I did. From Daehwi. From a few other people who knew you.”
“Then why didn’t you forget about me?”

Because I couldn’t? Because you were the only thing I thought about for months?
“I- I don’t know. Maybe… maybe because I saw you. That day. In the reflection of that same bus stop.”
“Right. Right, it was a bit over a week ago.” A week- no- nearly three months- well, alright.
“Yeah. And then I… I saw you again, in a bookstore window. And then again in a puddle. Maybe that’s why I didn’t forget you like everyone else…”
“Did you keep looking?”
“Sort of. I thought I was going insane. And I had to figure out what was going on, but I never got that far. And then I… fell here. Too.”

It was meant to be funny, but it wasn’t, Seungmin didn’t laugh. Instead, he breathed in, turned his head just a little, Hyunjin could see the glimmer in his eyes. He was crying. Of course. It had been two weeks for Seungmin. Not nearly half of a year. He had lost his parents, his family, his friends, his entire world two weeks ago, and here Hyunjin was telling him that none of them remembered him anymore.
“I’m sorry”, Hyunjin whispered. Seungmin sniffled, tried to wipe a tear away. “Do you want a hug? I’m very bad at talking”, Hyunjin muttered, just like Seungmin had done to him half a day ago. Seungmin nodded, so Hyunjin reached forwards and pulled him into a tight hug. Seungmin shuddered, pressed his head against Hyunjin’s shoulder and wrapped his arms around him. Oh, how sorry Hyunjin felt for the boy. Seungmin sniffled again, Hyunjin rubbed his back, let Seungmin cry against his shoulder.
“’m sorry”, Hyunjin mumbled against his shoulder again.

“I… I guess it’s better…” Seungmin sobbed, his voice was quiet, and oh, so full of pain; “I mean… They won’t feel the pain of loss that way… If they have all just forgotten about me.”

Chapter Text

Hyunjin awoke to the sunlight gently caressing his face, skimming over his skin, warming his cheeks. He grunted and turned slightly; he wasn’t entirely sure if he was ready to be fully conscious yet. Then laughter crept up to his ears, he could hear the wind chimes outside and he opened his eyes just slightly enough to realize that someone had opened the window ajar.

Not someone. Seungmin.

Hyunjin abruptly sat up, gasped for air. He was alone in the room, he realized, the laughter travelled from downstairs and since the sun was already up, the day had already begun several hours ago. Hyunjin glanced at the empty space next to him. Seungmin had neatly made his bed and now Hyunjin had accidentally made a mess out of his hard work. Sigh. Typical.

Hyunjin let his body fall back into the mattress. The door had been left ajar, too. The others were probably awake already.

The others. Yeah. What the fuck.

Hyunjin rubbed his eyes with his palms, made little lights dance in the dark behind his eyelids. He sighed with the world heavy on his shoulders. What the hell was going on in his life? Just yesterday morning he had been jogging the trail he always did, and now he was sleeping on the second floor of the house he had thought to be abandoned for years.

Or well, it probably still was. Not in this realm. Because now Hyunjin was in a ‘mirror realm’. Or that’s what Chan had called it. And now the town was abandoned, everything else was abandoned, there was only eight of them and the forest. And the huge deer and the fairy bees and what else would lie within those woods? Hyunjin wanted to know. But at the same time not and whew, this was a lot to take in as the first thing in the morning after waking up.

Hyunjin opened his eyes and sat up again. He was in a mirror realm, he had just woken up to a beautiful morning. Last night had been… very different from Hyunjin’s usual. Seungmin had calmed down after a moment and given Hyunjin one tight hug, and that had really been it. He had simply said “it’s better for us to sleep now”, and then they had gone to sleep. To Hyunjin’s surprise he had actually fallen asleep pretty fast, and slept well through the whole night, without any weird dreams or disturbances. Thank god he had fallen asleep fast, the awkwardness hadn’t lingered in the air for long.

Hyunjin hoped Seungmin was alright, though. He had been pretty… broken last night. And he had every right to be.

Oh! The shadows! There hadn’t been any of those, Hyunjin realized now. Chan hadn’t rung the bell, hadn’t called out to them. There had been the howls, though, but apart from those Hyunjin hadn’t heard anything all that odd. Thank god, no shadows. Whatever those even were.

Hyunjin finally stood up, stretched his limbs properly before changing from his pajamas – Seungmin’s clothes – to his own. He should thank the boy properly. Not just for borrowing him clothes but… anything, really. Not leaving Hyunjin alone despite them not being all that good friends. Acquaintances, that’s how Seungmin had put it. Yeah.

Yeah, Hyunjin had slept through the night next to Seungmin. He had- hold on. He had slept through the night beside his crush! Oh, if only Hyunjin could have told that to the Hyunjin from a year ago, he wouldn’t have ever believed that!

Well, technically not Hyunjin from two days prior would have believed that either. For entirely other reasons, though.

Hyunjin decided he didn’t want to think about his current situation nor Seungmin and comforting him and sleeping next to him and the boy in general right now because Hyunjin didn’t need his heart racing at ass o’clock in the morning because he was in a mirror realm with no way out and had other things to think about. Like the fact that he wasn’t sure if he should close their room’s window and door or not, and then he realized he hadn’t made the bed and hastily made it as well as he could, before he decided to leave the window ajar as well as the door and finally got out of the room. He wondered what the time was, and then remembered it didn’t matter. But Changbin hadn’t yet come to throw a bucket of water at his face, so perhaps it wasn’t lunchtime yet.

The door to Minho and Chan’s room was closed, Hyunjin realized Chan was probably still sleeping. Of course, he had been awake the entirety of last night. Wait- would Hyunjin have to be a nightguard, too? Good god. Oh no. The steps under him creaked a little, Felix was waiting at the bottom of the staircase.
“Morning!” He beamed at Hyunjin cheerfully, Hyunjin mustered up a smile and mumbled a morning back to him, which made Felix giggle.
“Not a morning person? I don’t blame you”, and with that he was out of the door, and by his yellow rubber gloves Hyunjin could tell he was about to go tend to the vegetable garden.

From the little hallway Hyunjin got into the dining hall, and there laid a table full of food, and four of his new friends awake around it. Seungmin’s hair was still tousled, he hadn’t bothered to brush it after waking up, clearly. Hyunjin smiled at him as Seungmin nodded at him. Minho was sitting next to him, Applesauce was once again on his lap, most likely wanting a taste of Minho’s sandwich. Jisung was awake, too, he was sitting at the end of the table, and back turned to Hyunjin was Changbin. Hyunjin decided to take a seat next to the medic.
“Good morning”, Hyunjin mumbled, and got a cacophonous quartet of mornings in return.

On the table was all sorts of things or breakfast, and Hyunjin was a bit surprised, to be honest. Did these people always eat like kings or something?
“We were thinking of going to visit the town today, in case you want some stuff from your house. Or from the stores if you can’t get into your house since the stairs are broken. How’s your leg, by the way?” Changbin was drinking his coffee, Hyunjin noticed he preferred it black.
“That would be cool. And it’s fine. I think” Hyunjin answered as he took himself a plate and started making himself a sandwich. His leg hurt when he moved, but not too badly.
“I’ll take a look at it after breakfast, just in case that it won’t inflame.”
Hyunjin nodded at Changbin before pouring himself a glass of water. He didn’t drink coffee.

When Hyunjin started munching on his sandwich, he realized Jisung was looking at him a bit… oddly. Or well, not oddly, just… okay, oddly. Hyunjin raised his other eyebrow. Jisung realized he had got caught.
“Oh, I’m sorry, it’s just uhh… cool to get new people here!”
“He’s actually dying to get to know you and ask stupid questions. We all are, we’re just trying to seem like normal people so that we won’t scare you away”, Minho sipped from his tea and continued: “It’s very rare for us to get new people here, let alone two people within two weeks. Or I guess it is. Has to be, since the only one that has come here after me is Changbin.”
“I see”, Hyunjin muttered, a bit shy from the attention. No! Stop being shy! No time for that! You don’t have Younghoon to save you now! “Well… ask away, if you want”, he cracked a smile at Jisung.

“Oh man! What’s the last thing you remember before falling?”
“Thinking that I have to get home quickly…”
“Ooh! What for?”
“To meet my aunt’s newborn baby.” Ouch, ouch, ouch, not nice, not funny questions.
“Oh man. Me and Felix are still the most interesting ones!”
“Jisung…” Minho mumbled.
“Yes, yes, I’m sorry. Anyway, what’s your favorite color?”
Without realizing, Hyunjin glanced at Seungmin. He was wearing his purple hoodie again.
“Purple”, he blurted out before he had time to shut himself up.
“Cool, purple is cool, I love painting with it. It has feeling to it.” Jisung hadn’t realized anything. Neither had Seungmin, who was focused on the book in front of him. Hyunjin remember he often did that, read even at the noisy cafeteria, if he was alone. But now he wasn’t alone…

“Did you go to school? Stupid question, of course you did, you told us that yesterday. What’s your favorite school memory?”
Hyunjin had to think about it for a moment.
“Um, maybe the time we won gold trophy on a basketball game in between the best high schools of the country…” Oh, that was a memory, and underage Hyunjin had been so drunk after that night that his teammates had had to help him home. And his parents hadn’t suspected a thing! Or maybe they had…
“Ooh, you really are good, then! Do you like cereal?”
“Yes?”
“Then why aren’t you eating it right now?”
Hyunjin glanced around the table. He hadn’t even realized there was cereal.
“Uh… I don’t know?”
“Here’s a plate for you”, and Jisung handed him a plate. Hyunjin had thought he was shy, but he had clearly been wrong. He poured himself some cereal and milk.

“He does it in the right order! I knew it!”
“Jisung, absolutely no one pours milk before cereal”, Changbin sighed, oh, now Hyunjin understood. He rolled his eyes, a grin tugging the corner of his mouth. Alright, Jisung was a funny guy, that’s what Hyunjin could tell by now.
“That won’t stop me from doing my research. One day someone will slip.”
“I’ll do it on purpose”, Changbin mumbled under his breath, Jisung snorted at him.

“Morning”, Hyunjin heard a somewhat-familiar voice from behind him, and a sleepy-looking Jeongin soon pulled a seat next to Hyunjin.
“Morning”, he answered to Jeongin, glad that the boy decided to sit next to him. Why was he glad about such a small thing? He didn’t really know.
“Can you go get some ice cream for me if you go to the store today?” Jeongin still had a bit of morning in his voice.
“Sure”, Changbin nodded, he finished his coffee. “I think it’s best if we leave after lunch. Jisung is in charge of it, so let’s eat before leaving. Who’s coming with me and Hyunjin?”
“I can. I want to visit the bookstore”, Seungmin finally lifted his gaze from his book.
“Felix said that he needs something from the town, so he’ll come with you, too. I’m too busy”, Jisung announced. Hyunjin now realized that he could see from the window in front of him Felix working in the vegetable garden.
“Sure you are busy”, Changbin in turn snorted at Jisung.
“I sure am! My art won’t wait for me.”
“Alright, alright. Jeongin? Minho?”
“I’ll stay here, I promised Chan we’d take a walk again today”, Minho answered, Applesauce tried to steal cheese from his bread.
“I’m not coming, that’s why I asked for the ice cream”, Jeongin shoved a spoonful of cereal in his mouth.
“Okay, then it’s me, Hyunjin, Felix and Seungmin. We’ll walk if Hyunjin’s leg can take it.”
“It can”, Hyunjin answered. It had to. Hyunjin didn’t want to be a nuisance with his injured leg.

***

“See you in a few hours!”
“See you, stay safe!” Chan yelled at them as Changbin closed the door behind him. Hyunjin had his gym bag, now empty on his shoulders. He had placed his clothes in a closet, and the photo of his family on the nightstand on his side of the bed. His leg was aching a little, but not too much, after breakfast Changbin had taken a look at it, and it had looked just fine according to him. Or well, as good as an injured leg could even look. Jisung had made them lunch, some sort of stew, and it had been good. Hyunjin sort of feared when his time to make food for all eight of them would come. He was a disaster in the kitchen.

“Let’s go!” Felix grabbed Seungmin by his arm and started marching towards the trail that led away from the house, back to the trail that was so familiar to Hyunjin. He wondered if the puddle was still there. Hyunjin followed after Seungmin and Felix with Changbin, the shorter matched his own steps to Hyunjin’s steps. Hyunjin couldn’t help but look around as the forest closed around them, and the clearing on which the house stood fell behind.

Hyunjin could feel the forest around him. It was different. He was sure the forest, the woods, had never been this lush. Never this… green. Never this full of life. The forest around him was different. This was not the same forest it had once been, no. It was… the mirrored one.

Or the right one? Perhaps the other realm was the mirrored one.

The gravel and grass underneath Hyunjin’s feet rustled, the gentle breath of wind whispered around the trees, Seungmin and Felix talked quietly. Hyunjin pulled his gym back better on his shoulder before pushing his hands into his pockets. A wisp of his hair kept annoyingly getting on his face, so he tried to tug it behind his ear. Then he heard Felix gasp, and nearly bumped into him as he hadn’t noticed the boy had stopped. Curiously Hyunjin tried to find what Felix and Seungmin were looking at.

In front of them, only a few meters away, was a fox. Just a normal looking fox, red and white and black and all that. It was staring back at them, head a bit tilted, curious. It wasn’t scared of them, clearly.
“Is it our fox?” Seungmin whispered.
“Could be. The dad, maybe”, Felix answered, and as if on cue, something rustled in the long grass next to the trail, and something blue ran across the trail. Something blue, as in, another fox. It stood next to its partner, glanced at their little quartet but paid no mind to them, as it ran back into the forest. And so did the other fox, too, it had seemingly been waiting for the other fox. The blue fox. Foxes were blue now. Or rather, white with blue stripes.
“Huh. Alright”, Felix simply huffed before continuing his trail. Foxes were now blue. Hyunjin couldn’t help but wonder what else this forest hid behind its trees.

They turned from the trail to the other trail, the more used one, the one that wasn’t filled with knee-length grass. It was easier to move now, so Hyunjin spent even more time on his surroundings. It was still quiet, and he wasn’t used to that silence. No cars. No city sounds. No life. Or yes life, there were birds, there were far-away barks and yips and yaps and sounds Hyunjin didn’t know the sources of. Were there dogs in this realm? There were cats, that was for sure. Hyunjin hoped there were dogs.

Seungmin and Felix had now quieted down, too, and Changbin hadn’t said a word. He had a bag on his shoulder, Felix and Seungmin both had backpacks. Perhaps they were better ones for carrying heavy stuff. Hyunjin hadn’t even thought what he’d have to get from his house. Clothes, at least. Memories? Maybe. But he couldn’t focus on that now, not when he spotted the slight smile on Seungmin’s lips, and the eyes full of wonder, looking around the trail, around the forest, looking at the nature all around them.

It was like the last night’s sadness had never grazed on his gorgeous features. Like he hadn’t cried against Hyunjin’s shoulder for the loss of his family and friends. Like everything was good in the world again. And maybe it was for Seungmin, after all, he was apparently fond of nature. And he did like to read, and perhaps this was something he had always dreamed of. Hyunjin didn’t know. But he wanted to know.

Hyunjin glanced at the boy walking next to him, and realized Changbin was looking at him with a cocked eyebrow. Then he realized that he, too, was sporting a rather fond smile on his face, and had probably been throwing heart eyes at Seungmin the entire time. He could feel warmth spreading over his cheeks as he turned his eyes away, suddenly very interested in the forest next to them.

Hyunjin was a bit surprised that the silence surrounding them wasn’t awkward. It didn’t feel unnatural, it was like they were supposed to be quiet. Hyunjin wasn’t used to this kind of thing, it was always loud and noisy with his friends and now it was… quiet. But not uncomfortable.

The puddle that Hyunjin had fallen from was almost dried. And it was a normal puddle, Hyunjin made sure, he stared into it for a moment, but saw nothing but mud. Changbin looked at him oddly: “That one?” he asked and Hyunjin nodded. After that they continued their quiet travel again, the forest surrounding them, bushes rustling every now and then, clearly making sure that the travelers knew that they were not alone.

A familiar turn, another, Hyunjin started to see the beauty Seungmin saw slowly. Overgrowth. Old trees. The smell around them was fresh, it lacked the gas fumes of the town. It smelled like the color green, Hyunjin figured. A bit of mud, a bit of leaves and flowers. A bit of morning dew. How lovely.

And finally, they turned from the last turn, and the trail widened to a road, led them into the town. Hyunjin swallowed, the view was exactly the same as yesterday. Odd. Not like it was supposed to be. Hauntingly beautiful.
“Alright, new boy. Show us the way to your house, we want to make a visit”, Felix turned to him and cracked him a smile. He still had some dirt on the tip of his nose, but Hyunjin didn’t have the heart to mention about it to the sunlight boy.
“This way”, Hyunjin mumbled, as he continued walking along the road. After five minutes, they arrived at that same, familiar yard. That same, old house. That place Hyunjin so much treasured. He felt a lump in his throat.

Hyunjin stepped the two stairs up to the door, twisted the doorknob and pushed it open. The door creaked on its hinges, worse than ever before.
“Cozy”, he could hear Changbin muttering from behind him. Hyunjin stepped into the hallway, everything was the same, yet not. Everything was the same as yesterday, yet the thick layers of dust on the bureau were unfamiliar. Hyunjin could see from the dust where Seungmin had picked the keys from. The floorboards creaked and moaned as Hyunjin walked further into the house, his two new friends and Seungmin after him.
“You ever been here?” Hyunjin could hear Felix mumbling, to Seungmin, most likely.
“Yeah.”
“I’ve been here, too”, Changbin very surprisingly announced. Hyunjin turned to him, just about to ask as Changbin continued: “Felix probably has, too. Sometimes out of boredom we just visit the houses around the town. Just to see how people live. It’s interesting. And I also think I took a bottle of disinfectant from the houses around here when we visited.” Ah, no wonder it wasn’t there when Hyunjin had needed it, then. “Don’t look at me like that. I bet you’d want to do the same.”

True. Hyunjin hadn’t even thought about that. Who was going to stop him from walking into their neighbor’s house and stealing everything? No one. Who was going to stop him from taking all of the snacks from the store close by? No one. Huh. What a life. He wouldn’t have to work to get money to get things. Easy. Wow. Perhaps this place really had its upsides.
“Take me to neighborhood spotting with you next time”, Hyunjin mumbled to Changbin, before he turned around the corner to the living room. It was the same, there was still ivy creeping up its walls, the floor had still given in. Carefully Hyunjin stepped over a few fallen books, before crouching down next to the bookshelf. He, with much difficulty, pulled open the moist-swollen drawers and was thankful to find the photo albums nearly in perfect condition. Hyunjin picked the second one in the pile, the one that contained all the photos from his childhood. His class photos, photos with his friends, all that. The one he had lost Seungmin’s photos from.

Hyunjin decided to not examine it right now, not in front of these people. He took his bag and stuffed the photo album in there. He had no idea what else would he need with him, he turned around and found the three others wandering around the house. Or well, he only saw Seungmin looking at the framed photos of Hyunjin’s family on the wall, Felix and Changbin were somewhere else. Probably in the kitchen. Hyunjin figured he didn’t need anything else from the living room, after all, they already had everything in the house. Hyunjin briefly wondered if he should take his basketball with him, but where would he even need it? They didn’t have a hoop at the house, and no one else probably knew how to play.
“Cute”, Seungmin mumbled, laughter tugging the corner of his mouth, and now Hyunjin realized he was looking at the baby photo compilation of him. The one where he was wearing a Winnie the Pooh-onesie, with a hood and ears. Oh god. Embarrassing. Hyunjin could feel the flame at the back of his neck, as he quickly retreated from the living room back to the hallway.

Seungmin had just called him cute!

Or his baby photos. Didn’t matter! He had called him cute!

“I don’t think it’s safe to go up”, Seungmin softly spoke from right beside Hyunjin, who had halted to a stop in front of the stairs. The stair that had collapsed was still there, as a dark hole in the otherwise fine stairs. Hyunjin realized there were spots of dried blood everywhere, especially on the stairs, and leading to the kitchen.
“Yup, not safe, don’t go there, we’ll get you all you need from the city center.” Changbin, who had just returned from the kitchen to Hyunjin. looked at the havoc in the stairs as well. Hyunjin hummed as an answer, yeah, he agreed, not safe, Hyunjin didn’t want to lose his other leg, too.
“Was there something specific you would have wanted from there?” Felix returned from the kitchen as well, the floorboards creaked under him.
“Not really.” Nothing Hyunjin could think of right now.
“Good. You wanna look around or shall we leave?”
“We can leave.” Hyunjin could always come back, if he wanted to. As long as they stayed at the house close by, and didn’t move. They had to. At least until Hyunjin would figure out a way back.

So they left, Hyunjin’s bag a little heavier now, heart quite a lot heavier, he closed the door behind him, probably for the last time, most likely not. It started to set in, slowly, very slowly. His parents weren’t here. No one was here, no one, except these six strangers and Seungmin. Would he ever see his parents again? Meet them? Tell them that he loved him? He’d have to. There had to be a way out. Had to be. There was a way in, there had to be a way out, these people just hadn’t figured it out yet. But they hadn’t had Seungmin before, now they did, and Seungmin was for sure the smartest person Hyunjin had ever met, and they would find a way out together, and then all of them could return to their things. Or well, stay, if they wanted. Yeah. That was what they were going to do. That’s what was going to keep Hyunjin sane for the time being.

Hyunjin felt weird. Empty. Hollow. He turned to take a look once more at his home as they left the yard. This mirror realm thing was so stupid. So stupid! Hyunjin wanted to go home, not to this… this shell of his home! Tears pricked his eyes, he blinked them away, he was definitely not going to cry in front of Seungmin again. And Changbin and Felix.
“You okay?” Seungmin’s soft voice spoke once again, waking Hyunjin from his thoughts. He had waited for Hyunjin, Changbin and Felix were already ahead, they were talking about something.
“Yeah”, Hyunjin mumbled and turned back to the way they were headed.

“Does your leg hurt?” Seungmin asked as they turned from the street corner to another. Changbin’s and Felix’s talking had turned to an argument, but not a very heated one, just “Yes I dos” and “No I don’ts” back and forth.
“A little”, not too bad, Hyunjin could walk just fine.
“That’s good.” It was nice that Seungmin cared. Why was Hyunjin thinking that, of course he did, he was kind and gentle and friendly and all that!

“Did you ever visit your house?” Hyunjin asked after a breath of silence.
“I did. Though, it was mostly in the same condition as yours, but luckily the stairs were made of cement so I could get to our apartment. I brought most of my stuff with me. Apart from, you know, computers and so on since they don’t work here.”
“Mmhm.”
“I’ve only visited once, though. The day after I fell here. There’s probably nothing of me left since you told me my parents moved away…” Oh no. That was not good.
“Maybe. How did you meet these guys, by the way?” Hyunjin changed the topic, he didn’t want to make Seungmin sad. Again.
“Chan, Minho and Felix found me. I had wandered most of the day around the town alone, but then I met them as they were getting more groceries and I overheard them talking and approached them. Thank god I did, otherwise I would have probably died in here during the night.”
“So you have seen them? The shadows?”
“Yeah. Or as much as you can see of them. They’re scary. And their presence feels cold apparently.” Horrible. Horrible horrible horrible. If Seungmin had seen them, then they had to be true.

Thank god Seungmin had found him yesterday. Otherwise Hyunjin would have been dead by now. Then, a thought, how often did people get into this realm, what if it was much more often than the boys said, but they just couldn’t get to these people quickly enough? That was… not good. At all.

After a while the buildings turned from little houses to apartment buildings, Hyunjin, Seungmin, Changbin and Felix passed the street that led to the university, they passed by the coffee shop, the flower shop, Seungmin wanted to go to the bookstore, so they went. And just like that, he picked himself a few books and stuffed them into his backpack. Wow. Crime was legal now. Hyunjin loved this (or not, but nearly). He almost, too, picked himself a book just to impress Seungmin, and then remembered that he would actually never read it and decided to let go.

Man, if he truly was to live the rest of his life in here, he’d never have to turn in an assignment ever again. He’d never have to read. That was… relieving.

If the streets at the outskirts of the city had seemed quiet and odd, then the city center felt like something out of a post-apocalyptic movie. There were abandoned cars everywhere, ivy crept up the walls of the higher office buildings. One of the highest ones had come crashing down, there were huge boulders of concrete all over the streets, some had broken store windows. The boulders, too, looked like they had been there for ages. Some of them were covered in moss. What had caused that? Hyunjin didn’t notice how Felix avoided looking at the half-collapsed building. Flowers kept peeking through the cracked asphalt, Hyunjin nearly fell over as he stumbled on one of those cracks.

It was quiet. Eerie. The animals clearly didn’t like to live in the city all that much.
“It’s quiet here”, Hyunjin mumbled out loud, just to break the spell.
“Yeah. The animals don’t really care for these places either. Probably because of the shadows”, Felix mumbled back, they turned from a street corner, there was another bookstore, and something Felix wanted to go visit, which Hyunjin figured out from the way his steps got faster and a bright look washed over his features. Ah, another flower shop, just the one that specified in gardening instead of house plants.

Hyunjin and Seungmin followed after Felix and stepped into the little shop with walls full of shelves and shelves full of seeds and bottles and small shovels and whatnot. Hyunjin had never visited the place. The shop was otherwise empty, the windows had stayed unbroken. There was quite a bit of dust everywhere, it made Hyunjin sneeze.
“Bless you”, Changbin muttered by his shoulder.
“These are exactly what I needed!” And then Felix began throwing different kinds of bottles and seeds into his backpack. “Some fertilizer and seeds for sunflowers! And carrots, we don’t have enough of those! And I was thinking of growing some turnips, too…” Felix’s love for gardening was something Hyunjin found very endearing.

“There are a few clothing stores opposite to this one, maybe we should go visit those?” Seungmin turned to Hyunjin, he didn’t need anything from the gardening store.
“Yeah, sure”, Hyunjin mumbled, Changbin nodded at them and Felix just waved his hand as the sight of something interesting pulled him further into the store. Hyunjin and Seungmin crossed the street together (oh, together, oh, Hyunjin felt that warmth in his chest), the door to the store had been left ajar. It was the same store Hyunjin usually bought his clothes from. Their style was sporty, fitting for the sporty lifestyle, Hyunjin knew exactly what to get, so he headed to the area with all of the t-shirts and sweatshirts. Seungmin trailed after him a little slower, fiddled the materials of the clothes.

“Oh, isn’t that the café we did that one biology assignment in?” Hyunjin turned around Seungmin nodded at the window, and sure it was, opposite to the store, next to the garden store was the café.
“It is! Oh, they had some of the best hot chocolate in town! In the world!” Hot chocolate that Hyunjin had spilled over himself, but it had been worth it, because Seungmin had laughed at him. A pang of sadness hit Hyunjin’s chest then, would he ever taste that hot chocolate again? Would he feel the warmth of that café, would he have to cram through those textbooks only for Seungmin to get annoyed at his slowness and read everything himself so Hyunjin would just end up searching for pictures for their work? Probably not.

Hyunjin found some pants, decided he wouldn’t need any jeans, he wouldn’t have to try to look professional so he could just go for the clothes that were comfortable. And to him that meant sportswear, so he picked himself a few hoodies, some socks, boxers, a new pair of trainers, from the expensive side since hell, he didn’t even need to pay for any of these! He could go just rob a Gucci store if he felt like it! Two pairs of shorts, in case the days would get hotter, sweatpants, more hair ties, a few he looped around his wrist as he always did. Fiddling with them made him less anxious, he had noticed.

Hyunjin glanced at a track jacket hanging from the wall, it was one of those expensive ones, one of those he and Younghoon had only ever dreamed about. It was black in color with purple accents. Hyunjin liked it, but hesitated, would he even need that? He already had a jacket with him.
“That would suit you.”
Hyunjin hadn’t realized Seungmin had approached him, he was holding on to a basic, grey sweatshirt. Seungmin liked the basic ones. Or were woolly sweaters and slacks basic? Maybe. A bit of a preppy one, but not in a bad way.
“Would it?”
Hyunjin reached for the jacket, took it from the hanger. It felt light. Expensive. And it was expensive, he knew it, the brand was expensive as hell.
“Yeah. You look good in black.”

I do? It nearly escaped his lips. He glanced at Seungmin, who just looked towards the door as Changbin and Felix entered to the store, Felix had laughter in his eyes. This was the second time ever Seungmin had complimented him on something (if one could count that ‘you’re not as stupid as they make you out to be’ as a compliment), and oh, did it tug Hyunjin’s heartstrings. Goddamn. Seungmin was alive and telling him he’d look good in that jacket, so of course he was going to take it with him!

If only Hyunjin had seen the horrified look on Seungmin’s face as he realized what had accidentally left past his lips.

“You two! Are you done? Let’s head for the groceries, it looks like it’s about to get rainy!”

Chapter Text

The rain accompanied their travel back home. Hyunjin was holding on to his gym bag, the bag now full of clothes and other stuff he might need, a toothbrush, some snacks, hygiene products. In his other hand he had a bag full of groceries, everything the others had asked. Seungmin was carrying a bag, too, Changbin had a cooler in his hand, Jeongin’s ice cream was in that along with ice creams for the whole lot of them. The rain pounded the ground, the clouds covering the sky made the forest trail seem a little darker.

Of course they hadn’t found any umbrellas, and now Hyunjin was drenched from head to toe, and they still had perhaps a kilometer or so to walk. They walked in silence, Hyunjin tried to avoid any bigger puddles (all while wondering if one of those could be yet another door), glanced around every once in a while. The forest had quieted down as well, only the rain sung its calm song around them. Hyunjin was surprised to find out that he didn’t hate it. He didn’t mind that he was wet, that his hair was dripping raindrops on his skin and that he’d probably catch the cold of the century from this. Of course he didn’t, he was walking next to Seungmin, who had a gentle smile on his face and wonder in his eyes every time he looked around.

He really liked it here, didn’t he? He liked nature. Why else would he be protesting for that, if he didn’t like it? Well, Hyunjin would like nature too, then. Just for Seungmin, if not for anything else.

It was perhaps a bit of funny, he was in a strange (but not strange) place with six half-strangers and Seungmin, and he should have still probably been panicking and crying for his parents (which he still was half of the time), but right now he was only thinking about Seungmin. And the fact that he had told him that the jacket would suit him. And that he looked good in black. Would Hyunjin still have a chance, after all- No. Stop. Just because Seungmin thought the jacket would suit him didn’t mean anything. Younghoon had told Hyunjin plenty of times that the long hair he sported made him look “sexy as hell”, and there was nothing going on between them. Seungmin had just been nice, because that’s what he always was. Nice. Supportive. Kind.

After Felix and Hyunjin had got what they needed, they had visited the supermarket downtown, the one Hyunjin’s family rarely went to. It had been odd. Some shelves had been mostly empty, some were nearly full, but none of them were completely full. Changbin had had an explanation.
“We think it might have something to do with how long the thing, the item sits in one place in the real world. If the, let’s say, sack of potatoes is only for an hour or so on its shelf, then it doesn’t have time to leave an imprint in this world. That’s why things that are sold out quickly don’t leave imprints here, but they might do that in the houses they end up in. Sometimes, in the smaller stores there aren’t any bananas, but then we go visit a few apartments and find them from there. It’s weird. Don’t think about it too much, or you’ll sprain your brain.” Not that Hyunjin would have enough brain to do that. He had just accepted the reality as it was, as Chan had told him to.

“It’s not getting dark yet, is it?” Felix mumbled suddenly, breaking the silence around them. They turned from the bigger trail to the smaller trail that led to the house. If they had continued straight forwards, they would have ended up on the clifftop from where they could have seen the entire world.
“I don’t think so? We didn’t spend all that long in the city, and it was noon when we left”, Changbin answered him, just as quiet, loud enough to reach Hyunjin’s ears.
Yet still, Hyunjin could feel how their walking speed got a bit faster, just a tiny bit, and every now and then Changbin kept glancing at them over his shoulder, but Hyunjin had a feeling he was watching the forest, not him and Seungmin.

“Didn’t you say you have seen them?” Hyunjin asked, very quietly to not to disturb the rain’s song around them.
“What?”
“The shadows.”
“Yeah. Just from far away, though. They can’t get past the salt circle around the house. I hope the rain hasn’t washed it all away. We might have to draw a circle around the bed in case it has.”
“What do you do if it starts raining at night?”
“Night guard alarms the others.”
“Oh, yeah, right.” Hyunjin would end up as one at some point, too. “So do the shadows only come out at night?”
“Yeah, once the sun sets.”
“I see. I thought… never mind.”
“Hmh?”
“No, I just… yesterday, when you told me we should hurry when I was bleeding… I thought it was for the shadows.”
“Oh no, that was for the animals. There are no people here, so there are all kinds of beasts in the forest. Wolves, bears, animals we would consider as magical creatures, too. It’s not just fairies and deer here. If they smell blood, they will come, and not even shadows can save you from those.”
“Oh.”

Oh oh. Oh no. Hyunjin could feel the cold shiver of fear running down his spine, suddenly he felt like he was being watched. He hadn’t even thought of that. Right, there were no people, of course the forest was full of all kinds of life, and not just… cute little rabbits or something. Glowing foxes and fairybees.

To his relief, they soon stepped into the clearing, made their way through the thick layer of grass. To someone who’d stumble on the clearing and didn’t know there were people living in the house, it would seem abandoned, apart from the trail of smoke that rose up from the chimney. Luckily Hyunjin knew better now, the flowerbeds might have been in horrible condition on this side of the house, but not on the other side. Maybe Felix hadn’t just had time to work on those yet. Perhaps Hyunjin could help!

Most of the salt had dissolved in the occasionally heavy rain, they noticed, Changbin cursed under his breath. The door swung open and soon Felix had arms full of Jisung, littering little kisses all over his face. Hyunjin still felt odd. Not in a bad way, oh no, just… seeing love like that warmed his heart. And made him glance at Seungmin, who didn’t seem to pay attention to the two, but rushed inside away from the rain. Hyunjin followed him, hurried to take the grocery bag to the kitchen before anyone would yell at him for dripping water everywhere. No one luckily yelled at him, Jeongin just huffed at both of them about how he’d have to clean up after all of them, and Seungmin promised he would do that for him, and Hyunjin mused, because of course he did, and then Chan rushed them all to go change to dry clothes before they would get sick.

Hyunjin did as told, changed to dry, new clothes he had picked from the store and then headed downstairs, where Jeongin shoved a mob to his chest, and then Hyunjin proceeded to sweep the way to the door to the kitchen with Seungmin. After that, to his utmost surprise, he was not dismissed, but Jeongin shoved a spatula into his hand as soon as he was ready.
“I’m making pancakes for dinner. And you will help me.” And that was exactly what Hyunjin did.

***

Somehow, with Seungmin’s additional help, they managed to make pancakes for the entire house, and a little over (“I’m going to eat these for breakfast tomorrow” Jisung had loudly announced). Hyunjin wasn’t a good cook, and Jeongin and Seungmin found that out, but it wasn’t so bad, it was worth seeing the laughter on Seungmin’s face. Jeongin was all good fun too, Hyunjin hadn’t really talked to him at all, but the more he spent time with him, the more he liked him.

Jeongin had this little brotherly feeling to him. Of course, it was impossible to tell how old he actually was as he had mentioned that he had been in the mirror realm for most of his life. He had grown in there, and he didn’t really know anything about life in the real world. Hyunjin hadn’t dared to ask more, as Jeongin had turned a bit quieter and quickly changed the topic when Hyunjin had asked how he had got there. He wasn’t sure about it, apparently he couldn’t remember it.

Jeongin also scolded Hyunjin every single time Hyunjin forgot where this and that was (he had only been in the house for a day!), when he poured a bit too much milk in the pancake mix (“Now we have to make even more!”), and when he dropped the spatula for the fourth time in half an hour. He couldn’t help it! Seungmin’s presence made him feel pressured, and when he felt even a tiny bit pressured, he got clumsy. Except on the basketball court. That was where the pressure only felt good to him. He had also been a bit scared that Jeongin was serious – that he actually got mad at him for being… him, but then he had noticed that glint of laughter in his eyes and that Seungmin was completely unaffected, so perhaps he wasn’t mad at him.

Jeongin and Seungmin were also clearly close. Or well, at least better friends than… Hyunjin and Seungmin. They had inside jokes Hyunjin didn’t understand, and it made him feel a bit left out, but he knew it was normal, people often had inside jokes and he and Seungmin weren’t all that close. Maybe they’d have inside jokes too at some point. He could also see how comfortable Seungmin was with Jeongin, and how… touchy he actually was. And perhaps, just perhaps Hyunjin was jealous. Just a tiny bit. Or an awful lot, he, too, wanted a hug while Seungmin was trying to get himself a cup from one of the cupboards. Or perhaps it was Jeongin who was the touchy one, he kept poking Seungmin and Seungmin poked him back and Hyunjin wanted pokes, too, but he wasn’t that good of a friend yet. And it made him sad. Just a bit. And then Seungmin took the pan from him and by holding his hand showed him how to flip the pancake and he wasn’t sad anymore. And then Jeongin made a mess and it was Hyunjin’s turn to scold Jeongin and hey, this wasn’t so bad. Hyunjin wasn’t a good cook, but he made Jeongin laugh with his jokes (as soon as he got over the initial shyness around the boy, which was surprisingly easy), so he got a point from that. Making people laugh was the best way to get them to like him.

Yeah, Hyunjin was still very self-conscious about that. Along with homesickness, he feared that he wouldn’t be accepted into the group. So far these people had been nice to him, of course, but, well… Hyunjin was a new face and these people were clearly very close-knitted. Not just Jisung and Felix, but all of them, and Hyunjin wasn’t part of that, Seungmin was. Perhaps he would be. He’d just have to… make them laugh and like him and show them that he wasn’t… he wasn’t what? Stupid? Good for nothing except for basketball? Yeah. He’d have to show these people that he was worth of their time.

With the pancakes finally made, they all ended up sitting around the dining table, there was strawberry jam and apple sauce (and Applesauce on Minho’s lap) and sugar and all that. The pancakes were good, and Seungmin’s presence next to Hyunjin felt comforting, even if Hyunjin was quieter than the rest of the group. Changbin looked groggy opposite to Hyunjin, he had been woken up for dinner as he had been taking a nap since he would be the night guard for the upcoming night. After that it would be Jeongin, then Seungmin, and then Hyunjin. Apparently.

During dinner Hyunjin made sure to pay attention to his new friends, more than before as now he wasn’t so… confused of where he was and what had happened. Changbin had a hearty laugh, it took Hyunjin with him, made him giggle too. He was also the one who constantly made sure Hyunjin didn’t feel left out of the conversation, either he explained the topics at hand to him or asked his opinion or otherwise made him take part in it if Hyunjin didn’t do that himself, and Hyunjin really appreciated it. Jeongin really was touchy, he was constantly leaning on someone or poking around or fidgeting, mostly leaning on Chan’s shoulder who was sitting next to him. They didn’t have any fixed places around the table, Hyunjin had figured out. Except Jisung and Felix apparently always sat next to each other.

Chan was the one who helped Minho the most, and Minho let him. Hyunjin wasn’t sure about their relationship, they did share a room and were clearly close as they took walks together and Hyunjin had often seen them together, but they didn’t have that same vibe to them as Jisung and Felix. They didn’t hold hands. They didn’t share touches, nor any… words that would give away their relationship status (Jisung kept calling Felix honey every chance he got). They didn’t really seem like a couple. Maybe they weren’t. Hyunjin would have to ask Seungmin about it.

Hyunjin also noticed that while Chan did help Minho, he didn’t do it all that much. Minho knew his way around the house, his other senses worked just fine. And every time Chan did help Minho, he first asked if he’d like him to, say, put a pancake on his plate, and because Minho had arms full of Applesauce, he said yes. Hyunjin made mental notes of that, he didn’t want to overstep, but he had never really… been around a blind person, so he didn’t exactly… know how to act. But he wanted to get to know Minho better, his snarky remarks made Hyunjin giggle, he was funny, and not quiet at all now that Hyunjin had observed him a bit.

Neither was Chan, but he was more of a bystander than the star of the show. He was careful, kept glancing around and outside as the sky darkened little by little. The rain had stopped a while ago, they’d have to enhance the salt circle before the sun would be completely gone. Chan seemed to be always alert, but perhaps he was. Hyunjin had learned by now that he was sort of the leader, he knew what was up and where everybody was, he kept an eye on the surroundings, he was calm and collected. Like a rock in a storm. Hyunjin felt like he could trust Chan, even if he barely knew him.

Felix and Jisung were a double deal. Well, not all the time, but almost all the time. When Jisung wasn’t painting or doing his daily tasks, he was on Felix’s side, and when Felix wasn’t gardening or doing his own tasks, he was on Jisung’s side. The two of them were a lot of good fun, too. Felix was kind and gentle and calm, Jisung on the other hand a lot more… effervescent. That was the word. Today he had a bright yellow shirt and old jeans with paint on them. He was the walking stereotype of a painter, and Felix was the walking stereotype of a gardener. They suited each other. Hyunjin adored it. He couldn’t wait to get to know these people more (and pushed back the thought that what if, what if he wasn’t good enough for them?).

And then there was Seungmin, of course, sitting next to Hyunjin. His hair had curled a little because of the rain and Hyunjin absolutely adored the sight. He looked even more like a puppy than usually. He laughed and smiled and butted into conversations, he was clearly comfortable around these people, or he was very good at hiding that he wasn’t. Seungmin didn’t pay much attention to Hyunjin, unless he said something, but it didn’t bother Hyunjin.

Or perhaps he was just a tiny bit jealous when Seungmin smiled at Jeongin all the time, but nothing else. Christ, he really didn’t like that feeling. It made him feel insecure!

As the night fell around them, Chan soon rose up from his stool and announced he and Changbin would go to enhance the salt circle, and that the rest of them should go to sleep soon. So that’s what they did.

Except that Hyunjin and Jeongin had forgot to clean the kitchen after making the pancakes, so with a deep sigh Hyunjin took the rag he was offered and got to work.

***

The night fell around them calmly, quietly. Every now and then a raindrop fell from the leaves of the ivy above the window, and Hyunjin heard them landing on the windowsill. He was staring at the ceiling with his eyes open, the room was bathed in soft, yellow light as Seungmin’s little lamp on the nightstand was still turned on, he was reading his book, turning the pages every now and then. The sound was calming, along with Seungmin’s breaths that Hyunjin listened to. But Hyunjin’s mind was a mess, a whirlwind. He was, once again, laying next to Seungmin, and if he had moved his leg only ten centimeters, then their feet would have touched each other. And that was both very thrilling and absolutely horrifying. Now that the day had passed and the night had fallen around them, Hyunjin had once again remembered that he was in a mirror realm, his parents were in the other and so was his entire life, and he wanted to go back. With Seungmin. He wanted them all to return to the real world. This place had… nothing.

Except magical creatures and greenery and shadows. Interesting and terrifying.

Hyunjin would find his way home. He had to. He had everything, he had his basketball team and he was one of their best players, they needed him. And he still had his whole family! He couldn’t stay here! He had to find some way home, there had to be a way! He’d have to look for the way, try to get to know this world better and… just find a way. He’d have to.

“I can hear your brain ticking all the way up here, you know?” Seungmin spoke up softly, he pushed his glasses further on his nose as they had slipped a little.
“Oh. Oh. sorry.” How had he- Huh?
“No need to be sorry for that. You just start shaking your leg when you’re focused on something.”
“Oh. Sorry”, Hyunjin mumbled, embarrassed. Yeah, he had a habit to do that.
“No need to be sorry for that either. What are you thinking about?”
“Nothing…”
“You’ve never been good at lying.” True, because when Hyunjin lied, he couldn’t look at the person’s face and he was still staring at the ceiling.
“I’m just… wondering how I’m going to get home.”

Seungmin sighed, Hyunjin rose to a sitting position, he had a feeling they wouldn’t be going to sleep just yet. He could hear distant talking from Minho’s and Chan’s shared room, but very faintly. Seungmin didn’t close the book on his lap, but focused his attention from it on Hyunjin.
“Hyunjin…”
“I know, I know. There’s no way back.” It was all he had been told. “But I just… there has to be, right? If there’s a way in, there’s a way out. I just have to… find it. And there has to be some sort of connection, because I saw you in the real world and you saw me and… there has to be a way…”

“I agree.”
“Huh?”
“I agree. There has to be a way, a way in and a way out, but finding it is another thing. I’m not too sure how actively the others have searched for it, but I know Chan has… found something. He once said something about a door, back when I first came here, but fell silent quite fast after mentioning it. I think… maybe he knows something more than he lets in. And maybe Felix and Jisung know about it too, and Jeongin. I know Changbin knows nothing, I’ve asked him. It was one of the first things I asked him, how to get back, and then he told me there’s no way out.”

“And I’ve been… thinking. You know, as you have seen by now, this world is full of all kinds of… creatures. Some of them creatures that only exist in mythologies and old books and tales as old as time and my grandma. I’ve been thinking that what if there is a base in reality for those stories? That maybe creatures from this world have ended up in our world, and that’s why there are stories of them. That maybe they have fallen through similar doors and now we have tales of faeries and forestfolk and water deities and all that. It would make sense. Or at least I think it would.”

Oh. Oh yeah. Oh, it definitely made sense. Hyunjin just nodded, mouth a little agape, he hadn’t even thought of that.
“It makes sense”, he mumbled. It really did, and it made Hyunjin hopeful. If Seungmin and his little theory were right, then there had to be a way back. God, Hyunjin really hoped that.
“Will you help me find it? The way back?” Hyunjin asked, quietly, a little shy. Seungmin glanced him and shrugged:
“I guess. I mean, we don’t really have much to do here. No obligations, nothing. Might as well, and even if we won’t find it, we’ll learn more of this realm.”

Warmth spread inside of Hyunjin. Seungmin would help him, he would! They would find a way back and continue their lives as they first were! It reassured him, made it easier to breathe again. Seungmin smiled back at Hyunjin, before turning back to his book, as if he hadn’t just promised the whole world to Hyunjin.

Or well, he hadn’t. But that’s how it felt to Hyunjin, because it was all he knew right now.

Suddenly, a loud noise broke the lulling silence around the house. Hyunjin nearly shot up, before he realized it was a bell noise. The bell from outside of the porch. It continued for at least half a minute Then Changbin’s voice traveled to his ears:
“There are shadows here!” And now Hyunjin did stand up. The calmness from him was gone. What did Changbin mean by that? The shadows were here! Why didn’t anyone answer, what if they were in the house, what if-

“Calm down. Chan and Changbin enhanced the salt circle, there’s nothing to worry about.”
“Did everyone hear that? Jisung? Felix?” Chan’s voice reverberated through the walls.
“Yes!” A bit fainter. Hyunjin recognized the voice as Jisung’s.
“Jeongin?”
“Yeah!”
“Seungmin and Hyunjin?”
“Yes!” Seungmin yelled back at him.
“Good”, Chan shouted once more, before the silence fell around them again.

“What- huh-“
“Just to make sure everyone heard the bell and is aware that danger is a bit closer tonight.”
“W-what do you mean closer-“ Hyunjin’s heart was beating faster than ever. He paced around his side of the bed.
“It means that there are shadows lingering by, and Changbin is out there to make sure they don’t cross the salt line. The salt line is usually enough to keep them away, or well, it is, but if it breaks from somewhere, then it’s not and the shadows get in.”
“Then what- what happens if they get in?”
“Changbin will alarm us. The shadows are weird, they don’t go through walls, they use the doorways, maybe because they’re following after humans, and that means us. If they get in, then there’s a bowl of salt and we’ll draw a line around the bed. In my humble opinion we should be doing that just in case always, but we don’t, for some reason. I don’t think Chan has ever mentioned that they have broken in, though. If they get through the first line, Changbin will ring the bell again until everyone has answered and know that they’re in danger.”

Somehow the calm tone in Seungmin’s speech seeped into Hyunjin’s bones, too. Carefully Hyunjin moved towards the window, and Seungmin put his book away, stood up as well. And there they stood together, in the window, stared into the darkness outside. Seungmin turned off the lamp, and they could see a bit better. Changbin had oil lamps accompanying his night, they drew long shadows along the yard. Hyunjin tried to make out the shadows he was supposed to fear from them.

He knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep much tonight. He was way too on the edge, and he had a feeling Seungmin noticed it, too. Both of them stared outside, until, until,

something moved! In the woods! Something dark, not fast, but Hyunjin saw something from the corner of his eye and gasped. Seungmin turned to look that way, too.
“Try to avoid looking right at it, and you might see it better.” So that’s what Hyunjin did. Glanced around the yard, and there! Another… waver of… darkness, at the edge of the forest again. They didn’t come closer, at least not yet. The white salt circle shone in the darkness around the house.

“What if there are animals? Creatures? What if they come to the yard and try to eat Changbin?”
“Changbin has a shotgun.”
“Changbin has a what?!”
“Yeah. He knows how to use one. Mostly they get scared of the loud bell noise, though, so we don’t need that, but Changbin insists on keeping it with him. Probably has something to do with his fear of bears. And you can always come inside if something shows up in the yard.”
“Fear of bears?”
“Yeah. Ask him about it and he’ll tell you.”
“Oh.” The yard was calm again, Hyunjin didn’t see any more movement, at least not right now. Still, he didn’t budge, he was wide awake now, and Seungmin didn’t leave by his side, he kept on looking outside, too.

After a brief silence Hyunjin opened his mouth again:
“Are you afraid of something?”
“Just humanity killing itself and the planet in the process. And snakes.” How was Seungmin so nonchalant of everything?
“Oh.”
“You?”
“Um… just… dumb things.”
“I don’t think there are any dumb things you can be afraid of.”
“Uh… essay deadlines… and loneliness.” Hyunjin’s voice quieted towards the end.
“Loneliness or abandonment?”
“Is there a difference?”
“Sure is. You can feel lonely without feeling abandoned, but there’s always loneliness in abandonment. You can feel lonely under a night sky full of stars just because you’re alone and want to experience it with someone. You can feel abandoned in a house full of people, feel like no one understands you and really likes you and you want to yell it to the world but feel like no one listens. I think there is a difference.”
“Oh… might be the fear of abandonment, then…” Well, Hyunjin certainly had never thought of it from that perspective.

Something shifted in the forest again, soon a hue of blue ran across the yard, something smaller and white following it.
“Must be the fox and her cubs”, Seungmin spoke. He kept it down in case their voices would travel through the thick walls and keep Jeongin awake.
“They don’t mind the shadows”, Hyunjin mentioned. Brave of the little creatures.
“They’re faster than them, they don’t really need to.”
“Are there other little families living close by?”
“I don’t know about families, but I’ve seen rabbits. Or some things that look like rabbits, but they have red circles on their backs. I don’t know what’s that about.”
“Oh. Have you seen any… other creatures?”
“I’ve heard more of them than seen, really. They don’t really come to the yard.”
“I see.” A bit disappointing perhaps.

The clouds that had covered the sky finally moved away and let the moon shine its light over the yard. Hyunjin still kept an eye on the shadows, but nothing seemed to move. A minute, two passed, Seungmin didn’t leave Hyunjin’s side, something sparkly flew over the yard, Hyunjin guessed it was one of the fairy-bees.
“Don’t expect all of the creatures to be friendly ones, though. Not all of them are like the faeries or the foxes”, Seungmin spoke, again with a soft tone. Hyunjin glanced at him, moonlight enhanced his features in a breathtaking way, washed over him in a silvery hue.
“What do you mean?” Hyunjin asked.
“A week ago, when I went to visit the store, there was a long trail of blood just outside of our yard in the road. And that’s not the first time the boys have seen such things, either. Carcasses in the city, in the woods, sometimes even in our backyard. The forest and the creatures around us are wild, and they don’t see us as threats. I think Felix once mentioned that they found human bones two winters ago. So as much as there is beauty and things to wonder, we must also remain cautious and not go alone deep into the forest. The trail is fine, but the forest itself… I wouldn’t go there alone. Not without Chan.”
“I see.” Seungmin’s words made Hyunjin’s skin crawl with goosebumps. Blood on the trail, carcasses in the town? Sounded horrible. They really were at nature’s mercy out here. Hyunjin felt like on edge again.

And as if on cue, a shrill screech pierced through the house, echoed in the walls. Hyunjin nearly shrieked, too, almost knocking off Seungmin’s plant from the windowsill. The screech continued for five, maybe ten seconds, before it stopped as suddenly as it had begun. It had sounded familiar. And close. It was close, it had come from the same floor!

Hyunjin glanced at Seungmin, but found him nothing but surprised. He wasn’t scared. His heart wasn’t clearly pounding through his chest.
“W-what- what the hell-“
“It was Felix.” What?!
“What?!”
Seungmin gazed at the door, before turning back to look out of the window. He had a sad smile on his lips.
“He suffers from night terrors. Sorry, I forgot to mention it. They’re not very frequent.”
“It’s alright, we’re fine!” Hyunjin heard Jisung’s voice trailing through the walls again. Oh. Oh no. Hyunjin felt bad for the boy.
“Is he… alright?”
“Yeah, or well, no, but he won’t most likely remember a damn thing in the morning. Sometimes the terrors last longer, just to mention.”
“Oh, that’s… sad”, Hyunjin mumbled. Seungmin shook his shoulders, before pulling himself away from the window and returning to the bed.

“It is. We should probably try to get some sleep. You don’t want to lose it, especially with your night guard turn coming up.”

Chapter Text

And so the days started passing. The next morning Hyunjin woke up at the same time with Seungmin, the night’s horrors long forgotten. Felix couldn’t remember anything about the night, as expected, and no one mentioned it at the breakfast. Hyunjin didn’t dare to ask what it was all about, maybe he’d find out sooner or later, since Seungmin clearly already knew something. Changbin slept through the noon, and Hyunjin had to go wake him up for lunch Chan prepared for them. After that Jeongin taught Hyunjin how to light the fire in the fireplace, as the clouds promised another rainy day for them. Felix was excited, his veggies needed some more rainwater to grow.

Hyunjin followed Seungmin basically everywhere, as he really had no other option, Felix was busy, Jisung was painting, Changbin was tired and decided to take a nap, and Minho and Chan left for a walk again. Jeongin joined their company, and together they decided to do one of the 500-piece puzzles that were stored in the game room. It was peaceful. Jeongin was funny, he laughed a lot, his nose scrunched, and he threw his head back when he laughed, Hyunjin found it endearing. Hyunjin’s and Seungmin’s fingers touched whenever Hyunjin passed him a puzzle piece (it was mostly Seungmin doing the puzzle, Hyunjin didn’t have enough attention span for that, not today, maybe some other day).

Some daily tasks, they drank afternoon tea at the porch again, Hyunjin noticed his leg was better, it didn’t hurt when he stepped on it anymore. The wounds still hurt, naturally, but it was just the skin that was broken, everything else was fine. They ate dinner together, some leftovers from lunch, and then decided to watch a movie. Jisung went for a nap, he was going to be the next nightguard. Felix was a little lost, he didn’t really pay attention to the movie, Hyunjin wondered if he was afraid of the upcoming night, since Jisung wouldn’t be there for him through the…terrors.

The night fell around them, the clouds hung heavy in the sky, but the rain didn’t start. The air felt a little pressuring, but still Hyunjin fell asleep to a dreamless sleep, next to Seungmin. Hyunjin slept through his night fairly well, and nothing disturbed his night, no shadows, no screams, nothing.

A new sun rose, Hyunjin and Seungmin with it, Seungmin seemed to be… well, less awkward with Hyunjin, perhaps. Not that he hadn’t even been all that awkward in the first place, but he seemed to be much more accustomed to Hyunjin’s presence now. It made Hyunjin feel better, it made him feel less awkward, less conscious of himself. After breakfast Hyunjin helped Felix and Seungmin in the garden, and they actually decided to finally start working on the flower beds in front of the house as well. Or, in other words, Felix had promised he’d help them maintain them, if Seungmin and Hyunjin took mostly care of them as he already had hands full in the backyard. And because Seungmin had stars in his eyes, Hyunjin said yes, even if he knew approximately two things about gardening. Or flowers. But it made Seungmin happy, so it made Hyunjin happy.

Until Jeongin called him and Hyunjin remembered it was his turn to cook lunch. Luckily Jeongin had figured out by now that Hyunjin was also a horrible cook (or rather an inexperienced one), so he also tied an apron around his waist, and they got to work. Together they managed to make some sort of noodle wok dish, and Hyunjin was proud of himself, and that got Jeongin laughing and rolling his eyes at him, but Hyunjin had a feeling it wasn’t meant as a mockery.

Then Seungmin said the food they made was good, and Hyunjin felt like bursting with joy.

And after that Hyunjin’s world turned upside down, because Seungmin announced he’d spend the next hours reading and then taking a nap as it was his turn to be the night guard, and now Hyunjin had nothing to do. Then he got an idea, and a bit shyly asked Chan after lunch if it would be safe for him to go on a run along the trail. He was still a bit… scared of him, even if he had been nothing but kind. He was intimidating, despite the curls around his head.
“Sure. Take one of those air horns on the bureau next to the door with you in case some creature tries to surprise you. They get scared by loud noises. They usually avoid the trail during the days, though, but take it just in case.”

So Hyunjin did. And now he felt his chest burn as he ran along the trail as fast as he could. He felt like he had to, he needed to release that pent up energy, so he ran, he ran, and he ran, the forest seemed like it was giving way to Hyunjin as he ran, the woods nothing but a green blurry mess next to him. It was quiet, but not too quiet, Hyunjin could hear his heartbeat in his ears, the adrenaline pushing him forwards, faster. Hyunjin felt like he could yell his lungs out, but he didn’t want to disturb the forest’s peace.

At the edge of the forest, before the trail turned to the city, Hyunjin turned around. He didn’t want to go to the city, he didn’t want to… think. He didn’t want to think. Not about, anything, everything that had happened, he had to focus on one thing, and that was that Seungmin was going to help him get out, and that was it. He pushed all the other thoughts away, the doubts, sprinted off again, ran through the forest the second time. He didn’t see any animals, some birds sung their songs in the trees, the sun burned Hyunjin’s back as he had to take his jacket off to not get too hot. And all the time, his feet padded against the hard ground, occasionally slowing down to a jog, and then sprinting again.

Faster than Hyunjin had anticipated, the trail turned to the now-familiar crossing, with the less-used trail leading to his… home for now, and the other leading to the cliff a few kilometer’s run away. Hyunjin decided he didn’t want to go back yet. He wanted to… what? He wanted to be alone. And see the whole world. Feel the sun on his skin, the aftershocks of running free. So Hyunjin took a right, and continued his run. He didn’t let his thoughts wander, he refused to think how he had just a few nights ago run this same trail, turned back from the cliff and… fallen here. And now he was thinking about it. He sighed and sped up, covered the thoughts with his own heavy breathing.

Soon he arrived at the cliff, sweating profusely, breathing heavily. He could hear the blood rushing in his veins. The information board that had been put up to warn the hikers from climbing the cliff on rainy weather was covered with moss. Hyunjin stepped into the trail that led first further into the woods, before it started to circle the cliff, the rock, whatever you called it. Occasionally the narrow trail got steep, but never too steep, never too close to the edge, and it didn’t take Hyunjin much time at all to reach the top. It did leave a nice ache in his calves, though.

Hyunjin sighed as the view spread in front of him, mighty and breathtaking. Hyunjin was pretty certain he had never seen this far from the cliff before. The day was bright, there were only a few clouds passing by. In front of Hyunjin were nearly boundless amounts of green, until the woods turned to a lake, that was sparkling behind the forest. Usually Hyunjin wasn’t able to see it, but today was different. He knew that behind that lake was another small town, that was full of life in the other realm.

The real realm.

Hyunjin’s little town fell behind his back, he circled the clifftop, he could see some of it, but not all, as the forest along the cliff covered most of that view. He couldn’t see their little cottage either, just a trail of smoke rising towards the sky, Felix and Jisung had promised to bake cookies for them. Hyunjin sat on one of the smaller rocks on the clifftop, it was almost soft as it was covered with moss. He could feel the runner’s high sending aftershocks through his body, he felt good, amazing, even. Better than in a few days, and he knew it was because of the running.

Until that runner’s high came crashing down. Hyunjin’s mind started to spiral. When was the last time he had been here? It was with his father, right? Yeah, they had been on a run together, and his father had told Hyunjin he was proud of him, proud of how far he had come. Hyunjin could feel his throat tightening, but he couldn’t do anything. He couldn’t hold his thoughts at bay anymore.

How was his father now? How was his mother now? Hyunjin had been away for four days, how long… how long had they been looking for Hyunjin? Were they even looking for Hyunjin? They had to be. They had to be, his parents were like that, they would always keep looking for him, except-

Except.

The thought flashed in Hyunjin’s mind, knocking the breath out of him.

Seungmin had been found dead.

What if Hyunjin had been found dead, too?

What if- what if they had found Hyunjin’s body by that puddle. What if his parents had come look for him and found his body, lying on the ground, lifeless? What if what would they- no. No no no. It couldn’t, he couldn’t be- but Seungmin had-

Hyunjin felt the sob wrack through him, convulsing his entire body, he nearly fell off the rock. Was he dead? Was Hyunjin dead to them? It had been several days, and the time here didn’t work the same, what if… had they already buried him?

Was there a grave with Hyunjin’s name written on it?

And… would it disappear?

Would it disappear within a few weeks, would everyone forget about him, too? Would Younghoon forget his best friend of many, many years? Would Daehwi forget that classmate who had always asked him stupid questions? Would he, too, disappear from all of the photos, would there be an empty space in his place in the class photos? Would the picture frames in his home be empty, would there be baby Hyunjin in his Winnie the Pooh-onesie anymore?

Hyunjin couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t breathe, how had he not thought of this before? He had literally told Seungmin what had happened, how had he not realized that it all had probably happened to him, too? It had probably happened to every single person in this realm, to Felix, to Jisung, to Chan, to all of them. And now the world would forget about Hyunjin, it would forget that he never existed after mourning his loss for a while, and his parents would forget him, forget that they ever had a son in the first place.

Hyunjin couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t control the tears streaming down his face, he couldn’t control anything, not the sobs, not the way his body contorted, not the physical pain in his chest. He couldn’t- he couldn’t- they’d forget him, they would forget he ever existed, and-

“Hyunjin? Are you alright?”
Hyunjin gasped for air, tried to wipe the tears and snot away from his face, but it was useless, absolutely useless. Changbin’s footsteps approached him, hurried. He knelt down next to Hyunjin, patted his back, worry written over his features. Hyunjin covered his face, now he was embarrassed and sad and overwhelmed and forgotten and-
“Hey, hey, hey, what’s up? I saw you leaving without a water bottle and then running by so fast I thought I could come check up on you before you pass out.”
Hyunjin let out a snort-sniffle that sounded very strained. Changbin petted his back, before he took a seat next to Hyunjin, there was enough space for both of them on the rock.

“Missing your parents? The better life?”
Hyunjin didn’t want to explain, he couldn’t get words out of his mouth, and he knew that trying to say anything would just end up with him spiraling again, so he just nodded. He was missing his parents. His life. That was true. But it was so much worse than that.
“I know the feeling. The first few weeks are the worst.”
Changbin just sat there, next to Hyunjin, caressed his back and the sobs just didn’t seem to ease at all. Hyunjin knew he looked like a mess, he even felt like one, he didn’t cry prettily, he nearly screamed against his hands with every wrench of his heart.

But for some reason, he didn’t feel… shame about it. Sure, he had cried more times than in the past half of a year in the span of four days, but his life was upside down and everything was horrible so maybe it was alright. And Changbin was… comforting. He didn’t judge Hyunjin for crying over little things that weren’t little but in fact enormous and horrible and terrible and Hyunjin was overwhelmed again and Changbin patted his back, so Hyunjin focused on that motion, and slowly, slowly the sobs started to let go, ease bit by bit. Changbin handed Hyunjin the water bottle, Hyunjin uncapped it and drank. The water wasn’t as cold anymore as it had been, the hot summer day had warmed it.

“Better?”
Hyunjin sniffled and nodded. Yeah. Also no, but now Changbin was here and gave Hyunjin’s brain something else to think about, something to focus on instead of spiraling again.
“I just… I just… used to come to this cliff with my dad. He told me you could see the entire world from here.”
“Well, he was right. You can see the entire world from here. At least our world.”
Hyunjin hummed, sniffled again, drank more from the water bottle. His heart was returning to the normal, steady rhythm.

“Your parents sound like great parents”, Changbin mumbled, perhaps it was his way of consoling Hyunjin.
“Yeah. They are great.” Hyunjin finally lifted his head, straightened his posture and Changbin let his arm slide down from Hyunjin’s back, but they didn’t move anywhere. They stayed there, gazing at the horizon, listening to the silence for a brief moment, until Hyunjin broke it. He needed something else. Something. Else.
“What about your parents? Do you… remember much of them?”
“Yeah, after all, I’ve only been here one winter, so like, maybe a year, I don’t know, I stopped counting days after 20. But yeah, I do remember them, though I’m not sure I miss them.”
“Oh?”
“At least not anymore. I used to.”
“How so?”
“They weren’t exactly the best kind of people”, Changbin grimaced. Hyunjin didn’t want to push it, if the memory was painful.

“Or well, they thought they were, I suppose. Just… very… old-fashioned, I guess. Conservative. And not the good kind of conservative, the hateful kind.”
“Oh.”
“Mmhm. Zero privacy, I had to ask their permission for absolutely everything. Overprotective. For the first two months here I had no idea how to act because suddenly I didn’t need to ask their permission. Or rather, my father’s permission. They also thought hitting the child was a great way to punish them for being five minutes late and so on. So, yeah, they had their moments, but not a lot of them.”
“That sounds awful… I’m sorry you had to endure that.” Hyunjin felt bad for Changbin. Very very bad. He was so lucky he had grown in such a loving and free environment.
“It’s alright, it’s in the past. I’ve grown a lot since then. Hell, I think I’ve done all of the growing here. I was an asshole when I got here, intolerant parents very often grow intolerant kinds if they’re not exposed to other opinions and I was a telltale of that. I couldn’t understand Felix’s and Jisung’s relationship at all first, I thought it was just weird and odd and unnatural since it was two boys in love. Jisung got fed up with that and one day punched me square in the face. I deserved that, I really did, I was acting out of line back then. And I don’t know, then it just… I read a few books, I guess. Talked with the two of them, and all of them. Learned there was more to life than what my parents had taught me, so much more, not everything was black and white. And I grew up to be a better, open-minded person, because of our friends, because of life in here. I can’t really thank my parents for it, and nowadays I just see how… wrong everything they did was. So I don’t really miss them.”

Hyunjin was… surprised. Very surprised. He had had no idea Changbin had been… like that in the past. He was now so chill and calm and nice and… open-minded and wow.
“I honestly owe these people here a big one. I’m forever thankful for them that they put up with my ass back in the day and tried to understand me and make me understand in turn. That they kept telling me that you love who you love and that was that. And then I finally started learning and understanding, because, hell, you’ve seen them, Jisung and Felix. There’s no denying those two people love each other to the moon and back. I’m pretty certain you can see the red strings pull them together.”
Hyunjin hummed, Changbin was right. What Felix and Jisung had was truly something special.

“I hope I’m not scaring you away because of my not-so-nice past.” Changbin had a lilt of worry to his voice.
“Of course not. People are always capable of change, for the better of for the worse. You’ve grown and you’re not an ass anymore, what you did doesn’t define you anymore.”
“It does, though. It defines my past, and what I’ve changed from.”
Well, that was another way to look at it. Hyunjin hummed as an answer, pulled his other leg up to lean against his knee.

“Do you miss your old life? Apart from your parents?” He asked.
“Not really. My life never really got to start. Sometimes I do regret it a little that I fell here, I could never become the doctor that I wanted to, but I’m used to this. Sometimes it’s a bit uneventful here but… I’ll manage. It is what it is. It sure is peaceful, and the danger that lurks around keeps it interesting.”
“Mmhm. Like bears?”
“Yeah. How did you know I was afraid of them?”
“Seungmin told me.”
“Right. No secrets around here”, Changbin laughed, he didn’t sound mad. “Yeah, I’m afraid of bears. Deathly afraid of them, which is funny because I’ve never seen one in real life. It’s just, sometimes, especially if I’m alone at the yard or the woods, I get this overwhelming sense of dread that a bear is going to run from the woods to eat me and then I have to get back inside as fast as possible. It’s stupid but… Yeah, I still haven’t got rid of it.”
“It’s not stupid. Phobias are a bitch.”
“Yeah. And I have no idea where I’ve got it from, either. I’ve just been afraid of bears ever since I was a kid.”
Interesting. Very. Changbin leaned back on the rock, put his arms behind his back to support himself and basked in the sun. A light zephyr trifled through Hyunjin’s hair, giving some relief from the scorching afternoon sun.

“How about you? What are you afraid of?”
“Abandonment.” That’s how Seungmin had said. Hyunjin wasn’t afraid of loneliness, he was afraid of abandonment. “And essay deadlines.”
Changbin’s laughter was carefree, it eased Hyunjin’s mind.
“Well, you don’t have to care for those anymore! No school here, no assignments, nothing.”
“Thank god”, Hyunjin mumbled, finally a hint of a smile tugged the corners of his mouth.

A brief silence fell. Hyunjin felt better. Really. Changbin’s presence was comforting, he didn’t judge, and he trusted Hyunjin. At least enough to tell such sensitive things of himself, and they had only known each other for four days. But perhaps it was expected, there were really no secrets in the house. How could there be, when they spent all of the days together?

“So… you and Seungmin, huh?”
Hyunjin nearly gasped out loud, before he turned to look at Changbin with a bewildered look on his face. Changbin simply smirked, almost bursted out laughing.
“W-what what- w-what about m-me and Seungmin?” Hyunjin could feel his cheeks burning, and it wasn’t because of the sun.
“Don’t try. I have seen it, the heart eyes you keep throwing at him with every chance you get.” Oh fuck. Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck.
“Don’t worry, I’m not telling anyone.” Changbin must have noticed the panic in Hyunjin’s eyes. “A new thing for you?”
“N-not really”, Hyunjin stammered: “I think I’ve… liked him ever since high school. For a… few years now.”
“Damn. That’s a long time. And you’ve never got around to tell him?”
“No… I guess I’m afraid of rejection and… well, it’s a small town and…”
“And you’re afraid of how people would react?”
“Yeah… And how Seungmin would react… We’ve never been close friends, but I don’t want to ruin it.”
“Hmh. I see”, Changbin nodded. He understood. That was relieving. And he wasn’t going to tell anyone.

“Do you think he has noticed? Or anyone else?”
“Nah. Chan can only see Minho and Jisung and Felix live in their own little world, Jeongin doesn’t care for such things and I’m not sure if Seungmin himself has noticed.”
“But you care enough to notice?”
“I’ll be honest with you, Hyunjin, after you’ve watched Jisung and Felix every single day for a winter now, you start to notice these patterns.”
Hyunjin snorted.
“And I’m not going to lie, it’s interesting. Maybe because I’ve myself never felt such attraction. I think they have a word for it… asexual, was it? I’ve never been the one for the labels but I’m pretty sure that’s what Felix called it. And a few of the books I read.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah. It feels fitting. Though, I’m not sure if it’s entirely fitting, from what I’ve understood it’s more for the lack of sexual attraction, but I have never experienced any sort of romantic attraction either. I don’t know, maybe I’m just slow, or… I don’t know.”
“Maybe you’re aromantic?” Hyunjin could remember the term, he had spent a lot of time threading through the internet while trying to find a… label for himself.
“Aromantic?”
“Yeah. Lack of romantic attraction, or very little of it.”
“Huh. That sounds smart. I guess that’s it then. Not that you need much labels here, but… I guess it’s nice to have one.” Changbin cracked Hyunjin a smile.
“Yeah… It is.”

A silence, not an awkward one, again. Until a question popped up into Hyunjin’s mind:
“Wait, you said Chan only has eyes for Minho? Are they a… thing too?”
“Not that I know of. I’m pretty sure Chan would like them to be, but he’s too much of a coward to say anything to Minho. And honestly, I’m pretty certain Minho has a thing for Chan, too, he always acts so nonchalant when Chan’s around and then keeps asking for him when he’s gone. I might have to ask him about it the next time he slips.”
“I see.” Now Hyunjin could understand the two and their dynamics a lot better. “I thought they were a thing too since they’re so close. And sleep in the same bed.”
“Yeah, they’re pretty damn close. And the sleep thing is for safety, Minho can’t see the shadows, so Chan’s his eyes for the nights.”
“That’s… cute.”
“I guess it is.”

A bird sprinted to flight from a nearby tree, Hyunjin could hear something rustling in the bushes, a small lizard made its way around the bigger and smaller rocks of the clifftop. They should probably head back, they had been sitting on the cliff for quite some time now, the others were probably wondering their whereabouts.
“We should probably head back”, Changbin voiced just as Hyunjin was about to open his mouth.
“Yeah”, he mumbled, before standing up, stretching a little. His muscles ached, but they ached in that good kind of way. Changbin rose up, too, took the now-empty bottle and turned towards the little trail back down.
“Thanks, Changbin”, Hyunjin muttered then, and the other boy turned to glance at him.
“For what?”
“I don’t know. Listening. For being you.”

The smile on Changbin’s face warmed Hyunjin’s insides. It reminded him somehow of Younghoon, but not in a heart-wrenching way.

***

Sleeping without Seungmin was odd. The space next to Hyunjin was empty, he felt… cold. Cold, even if the two of them didn’t even sleep that close to each other, the bed was large, after all. Thankfully Hyunjin had after the emotional turmoil and running around for most of the afternoon fallen asleep quite easily, and slept through the entire night, despite the empty space next to him. Nothing had disturbed his sleep, there had been no bell sounds, so there had been no shadows nearby.

The afternoon had gone smoothly, Seungmin had woken up to eat some dinner before his turn as the night watch had started, Changbin and Hyunjin had decided to watch a movie together, and Jeongin had joined them as well. Jisung and Felix had disappeared without a trace, but apparently there was nothing odd about it, they were probably sleeping in the hammock by the woods, tangled in each other and basking in the last rays of the sun, as they usually did after Jisung’s turn as a nightguard.

But perhaps there was something good about Seungmin being the nightguard, because now Hyunjin got to see the boy sleeping peacefully in the morning sun. He knew it hadn’t been all that long yet, perhaps an hour, since Seungmin had returned, the sun hadn’t been up for long yet, and the night guard shift ended as the sky started turning lighter. But he was fast asleep now, dark brown locks spread on the light green pillowcase, covers pulled up to his shoulders, his other leg was peeking out from underneath the blanket. He had his mouth just slightly ajar, he snored, just lightly, not loudly at all.

And god, was he beautiful. Hyunjin had never seen sleeping Seungmin before, as the boy usually woke up before him (or had woken up before him for the past three mornings, which wasn’t enough of mornings to be considered usual). The sunlight seeping through the window drew long strokes of light against Seungmin’s skin, just below his eyes. Hyunjin figured Seungmin would not enjoy being woken up by sunlight after staying awake the entire night, so he carefully rose up and made his way to the other side of the room and drew the curtains properly shut. He also watered Seungmin’s plant, as it looked a little droopy.

After that Hyunjin quietly and quickly changed from his pajamas to a basic shirt and some sweatpants, and decided it would be best to leave Seungmin alone to sleep. He glanced at the sleeping figure once more, Seungmin had turned to his other side. His glasses were on the nightstand on his side of the bed. The sight alone made Hyunjin’s insides flutter. There he was, Kim Seungmin, not dead, but sleeping soundly in a bed. Their bed.

God. It was so surreal.

And Hyunjin decided to leave that surreality behind as he quietly made his way out of the door and closed it after him. He walked along the hallway, all of the doors except Minho and Chan’s were closed. Maybe the others were still sleeping, it was rather early, Hyunjin had woken up with the sun it seemed. He tiptoed his way down the stairs, walked to the dining hall, he heard some rustling from the kitchen, and as he turned from around the corner, he was faced with Minho’s back.
“G-good morning”, Hyunjin muttered.
“Morning. Hyunjin, right?”
“Yeah, yes, it’s me, Hyunjin.” Oh and he had immediately forgot to introduce himself, nice, great work, Hyunjin!
“Thought so, didn’t recognize your voice.”
“Oh, uhm, sorry, I forgot-“
“It’s alright.”

Minho was reaching something from the cabinets, there was stuff for breakfast gathered on the round table in the kitchen. Hyunjin supposed the table worked as a kitchen island more than an actual table, since they always ate at the dining hall around the corner.
“Do you, um, need help?”
“Yeah. Can you take these to the dining hall and cut some bread for us? The others are probably going to wake up soon.”
Hyunjin did as Minho instructed him, even though a little warily. He watched, as Minho skimmed through the fridge, occasionally touching the bottles and containers and all as he searched for something, other things he found immediately as they were always in the same places.

Hyunjin didn’t need to worry. Minho knew his way around the house better than anyone, that’s what he had been told. He could do things just as any other.

Hyunjin took the bread, sliced a few pieces before putting them into the basket they used to serve bread, before he started to carry the things into the dining hall. Applesauce followed Minho, Hyunjin saw him giving the cat some food, her little bowls were placed on the floor next to the fridge. She meowed, clearly hungry, and Minho just shushed her, “Yes, yes, little miss, you’re getting your food, calm down”, before emptying the package of cat food in the bowl. Then Minho threw the now-empty package into the thrash, before he took the boxes of cereal and carried them to the dining hall.
“Is there still a lot left?”
“No!” Hyunjin voiced a bit louder and took the last carton of milk and a stack of bowls.

“Do you… usually set the table for breakfast?” Hyunjin asked Minho as he set down the last things on the dining hall table. The backyard bathed in golden morning light, some dew had gathered on the back porch. Hyunjin sat down opposite to Minho, because he felt like it would have been odd to sit elsewhere.
“Mmhm, depends. If I’m the first one awake, then yes. Usually Jisung helps me, or Felix, they’re both early birds.”
“I see.” What a choice of words!
“I don’t.”
It took a moment, and Minho’s smile to understand that it was a joke. He let out a nervous laugh, but Minho just bursted into laughter, carefree and relaxed.
“Don’t worry, Hyunjin, you don’t need to tiptoe around me, I know the others probably told you to introduce yourself and always ask first if I need anything and all that, but it’s not that serious. Well, always ask, that’s serious but, you know, I’m not made of porcelain, even if Chan sometimes seems to think that way. Relax, you’re not going to hurt me with a few missteps.”

And perhaps it was reassuring, and maybe Hyunjin found himself smiling at Minho, before he realized that he couldn’t see it.
“Okay, yeah, alright, sure. I’m sorry, I’m just… a bit shy.”
“I’ve noticed that.” Of course he had. “You rarely speak, I mean. You let Seungmin and Changbin do it for you.”
“Yeah, I… Yeah, I guess.” Hyunjin’s cheeks burned a bit in embarrassment. He took himself a plate and a piece of bread.

“So, how are you holding up?” Minho asked; “Hand me the milk carton, will you?” And Hyunjin did. He watched as Minho carefully poured it over his cereal.
“I think I’m… not alright but… holding up somehow.” He shouldn’t lie. He was a bad liar, what use could there even be to lying, they had all seen him red and puffy-eyed returning from his run with Changbin.
“Pretty normal, then. Your world is upside down, don’t feel bad for feeling bad. Seungmin locked himself in your room for the first three days, before he started to settle, so compared to him you’re doing pretty well.”
“Oh?” This was news to Hyunjin.
“Yup. Took a lot of coaxing to get him out. I think he saw the glowing fox and then realized he should probably explore the rest of the world, too.”
“Damn.”
“Yep. The glow is very odd, for some reason I see it, too, or perhaps it’s not odd, I see lights and shadows, like I know that you sit in front of me right now based on the light coming from behind you, but that’s it, but when it’s dark and the fox runs in the yard, I see some of the glow. Not all of it, but a hue of blue. It’s interesting.”
“Very.” Hyunjin munched on his bread, he had so many questions, but he was afraid of asking them.

“You’re wondering how I lost my eyesight, aren’t you?” Applesauce jumped on Minho’s lap, purred and settled down after that.
“…Maybe? You don’t’ have to answer if it’s sensitive, of course-“
“It’s alright, I’m not a trauma story, though that would probably make it all a lot more interesting. I haven’t always been blind, just, most of my life. I have severe cataracts, that’s why the pupils are grey. I was supposed to get it treated, but lo and behold, I accidentally walked through a glass door on my way to the eye doctor and ended up here, right in front of Chan’s face, apparently. And I can’t obviously get it treated here, so, I’m blind now, and will be for the rest of my life unless an eye doctor ends up here.”
“Oh that’s… wow.”
Minho snorted, scooped some cereal into his mouth.
“Yeah, not a sob story, just me being unfortunate. Like all of us, I guess, except for Jisung and Felix.” Hyunjin still didn’t know what had happened to the two of them, and he was getting interested.

Someone walked down the stairs, and soon enough Chan’s figure appeared from the doorway. He was surprised to see Hyunjin already with Minho on the table.
“Good morning, Minho and Hyunjin, it’s Chan. You didn’t happen to brew some tea already?”
Hyunjin shook his head, “nope”, Minho voiced, Chan sighed as he walked into the kitchen. After a few minutes Hyunjin heard whistling.
“We have an electric kettle, yet he still insists on using the actual tea kettle… He’s so pretentious…” Minho, with laughter tugging the corner of his mouth, muttered underneath his breath. After a few moments Chan returned with a steaming cup of tea, and settled down next to Minho. He gathered some breakfast for himself, Hyunjin heard more steps from upstairs, and soon Jisung joined them.

“So, Hyunjin, are you ready for your turn as the night guard tonight?”

Chapter Text

As it turned out, Hyunjin was not ready for his shift as the night guard. He was anything but.

The day passed by way too quickly, Hyunjin helped Seungmin clean their room (naturally) after the boy had woken up for lunch, and after that they were in charge of cleaning the game room and hallway. Then it was time for afternoon tea, and Hyunjin found himself being ushered to take a nap by Changbin, who nearly locked him in his and Seungmin’s room. Luckily, Hyunjin had fallen asleep to the sounds of laughter, hushed voices and the windchimes swaying calmly in the light wind. He had woken up to Seungmin knocking on their door, saying that he should eat something before his night guard shift.

And now he was here, standing on the porch, and Chan handed him a huge flashlight.
“It usually scares the animals away. If you hear something close in the woods, you may want to take a look at what’s in there. Wouldn’t be the first time some gods wandered to our yard.”
“And gods are…?”
“Anything you can’t explain. Could be deer, could be wolves with three heads. Could be just normal animals”, Chan explained, gazed at the darkening woods surrounding the clearing. The sky was deep purple, the sun had gone down a while ago.

“If you see shadows, ring the bell, wait for everyone to answer. If the shadows start to approach, ring it again. If you see the salt circle is broken for some reason, or that the shadows have passed the line, ring the bell like your life depends on it. It may not be your life depending on it, but ours.” Chan pointed at the huge bell beside the door. Hyunjin nodded, pretty much terrified. “If an animal tries to approach you, or rather, if something that looks like it wants to eat you, ring the bell. They get scared by the noises, and then you can run inside.” Horrifying. Hyunjin nodded again. “I usually stroll around the clearing inside the circle a few times a night, just to see that it’s alright. And to keep myself awake. You know, sometimes animals wander to the back yard and break the salt circle and you won’t see that from this side.”
“Alright. Do the shadows only approach from the… front side?”
“Yes. They follow the residue energy, or that’s what we believe, and because we don’t wander in the forest behind the backyard very often, there’s not much residual energy to follow. And since the shadows mostly live in the city since that’s where there are people in real life and therefore residual energy is the most prominent there, they don’t leave the place that often. Sometimes they do. Rarely do they approach to the clearing from the woods, even more rarely do they circle the house to the backyard, and the next city is way too far for the shadows to wander here from there. They’re not very fast, and the time is limited since they only appear when it’s dark enough and the sun is all gone.”
“Okay.”
“So that’s why we mainly keep an eye on the front of the house. Of course, if you hear something from the backyard, go check it out.”
“Okay.”
“And don’t fall asleep.” Chan sounded stern, but he had a kind look in his eyes.
“Okay.”
“Promise me.”
“I won’t fall asleep.”
“Good. Anything else?”
“Uhh… What do I do if the absolute worst happens?”
Chan nodded towards the table. There was a huge bowl of salt in it.
“There’s more under the sofa.” Hyunjin knelt and looked underneath the sofa on the porch. There were two baskets that were meant for firewood, but were full of salt.
“Make yourself a circle and ring the bell, and stay in the circle until morning. And hope for the best.”
“Horrifying.”
“That’s never happened, so don’t worry about it too much.” Reassuring, but not entirely.

And so the night fell around Hyunjin, quiet and serene. Hyunjin sat on the porch sofa, gazing at the yard, at the woods, at the sky. The night sky was clear, no clouds were in sight, the star-clad dome drew endless patterns far above Hyunjin’s eyes. Hyunjin liked the stars. He liked looking at them, there had been times when he had gone stargazing with his mother, they had stayed at the outskirts of the city for hours and tried to find certain patterns.

But these weren’t his stars. These weren’t the same stars he had gazed with his mother, that he had stared at on his travels back home from parties, that he had seen from the bus window on that one school trip to the never-ending wilderness. That one where he had scraped his knee and he had passed out as Seungmin had been tending to his wound. That had been embarrassing. Still was.

But no, these weren’t those stars. These were other stars. Hyunjin was under other stars now. Yet they seemed so similar, Hyunjin could see the same patterns, they were rather easy for him to recognize, in a way, these were the same stars. It was reassuring. Everything had changed, but something had stayed the same. At least Hyunjin had the stars. Even if these weren’t his stars, they were similar. Close enough for him to pretend they were the same.

A howl sounded from somewhere far away. Chan had mentioned he could go grab himself snacks as he wished, take a book or a console or something, as long as he stayed awake and alert the whole night. Hyunjin knew he’d have to do something, find something to do, otherwise he could fall asleep. Or get too distracted by his own thoughts. Hyunjin stared into the darkness, then rose up, circled the house, everything was the same. The moon lit his way, casted silver shadows on the yard. The nature around him was alive.

Hyunjin could hear it. The howls, the whispers in the trees, the rustles in the bushes. Something made a noise close to the yard, Hyunjin lit his flashlight, but saw nothing. No movement. No shadows, nothing. Until there was movement, a blue glow appeared from the shadows, ran through the yard, with a few smaller, blue glows behind it. The foxes. Why did the mother glow? Hyunjin wanted to know, even if he damn well knew he’d most likely never get an answer.

Something very big moved in the forest, Hyunjin could tell it by the crack of the branches, he felt his breath getting caught to his throat. That something very big and white walked past the yard, Hyunjin could see the silhouette, but when he got the flashlight on, the thing had already disappeared back into the forest. Wow. The forest truly was alive. Which was a good thing, because Chan had also mentioned that if there were a lot of animals and life around, then there weren’t shadows. The creatures didn’t like the shadows and most likely vice versa. So Hyunjin was safe, for now.

Then the door suddenly opened, and Seungmin’s head poked in.
“Oh, hey, you’re awake?” Hyunjin muttered, quietly, he didn’t want the others to wake up. Seungmin nodded, but didn’t step outside.
“Couldn’t sleep, came to check up on you.” It warmed Hyunjin’s heart. A lot. A bit too much to be good.
“Oh, well… I’m doing fine, I guess.”
“Good, that’s good.”

After a few breaths of silence, Seungmin stepped outside. He had pulled his blanket over his shoulders, to keep the cold of the night away. Hyunjin had his hoodie on, it wasn’t too cold, at least not yet.
“The forest seems to be very alive tonight”, Seungmin mumbled as he sat down on the chair on the other side of the door.
“Yeah.”
“How are you holding up? I mean… are you doing okay?”
Oh?
“I… I guess? I could be doing better.” Somewhat of a lie. Hyunjin was not doing okay, he was homesick, he had realized some way too horrible things, and he wasn’t going to accept them. But he didn’t want to… put any more pressure on Seungmin that he already had. He had lost so much, too, it wasn’t right for Hyunjin to just dump his worries on him.
“Mmhm.”

“How about you?” Hyunjin finally breathed out.
“I’m… alright. Or not. I don’t know. Maybe it will get better soon.”
“Mmhm. I hope so.” And now Hyunjin was sad, because Seungmin was sad.
“I hope so too.” Seungmin swayed his legs in the air, his feet didn’t reach the floor when he was sitting properly on the chair. Cute. Adorable. Hyunjin wanted to hug that boy, bundled in a blanket. And he knew he couldn’t, they weren’t that close, and Seungmin wasn’t… in distress. At least too much.

The conversation moved to easier things. The past day. What they had done, how Seungmin was excited to tend to the flowers in the front yard with Felix. Hyunjin made sure the conversation didn’t travel too far to the past. Not to the real world. Not to the memories they shared, not to the years in high school, not to the times Seungmin had waited for Hyunjin with his way too big bike in front of the school gates for them to go to the café to make their project. He made sure they only talked about good things, of the immediate history, of the realm they were in. Neither of them needed right now any reminders of them not belonging into this world.

And perhaps after an hour, after a few howls, yips and yaps and screeches, the door opened again, and Felix’s head poked out.
“Oh, there’s two of you!” He whispered, as he, also bundled in a blanket, stepped out.
“Couldn’t sleep?” Seungmin asked.
“No. It’s the nightmares. They’ve started again.”

Hyunjin wanted to ask Felix about it, he really did.
“Are they bad?” Seungmin got first.
“Yeah. Or well, not once I wake up. And they’re always the same, me or Jisung dying and so on.” Felix sat down on the sofa next to Hyunjin. He breathed in the night air, relaxed against the soft backrest. He closed his eyes for a moment, Hyunjin glanced at the yard, there was no movement. The darkness around them felt surprisingly comforting.

“Why do you dream of you or Jisung dying?” The words bubbled out of Hyunjin’s chest, he was so bad at keeping them to himself and so, so curious. Felix opened his eyes, glanced at Hyunjin with a small, sad smile.
“Because I dream of my own history.”
Hyunjin didn’t understand. Seungmin didn’t say anything, and Hyunjin started to feel awkward, maybe he should have just stayed quiet, it was better if he stayed quiet.
“Ask me another question”, Felix urged Hyunjin. He didn’t sound… mad, or anything. Just… normal.
“Why-why do you dream of your… own history?”

Felix sighed, turned his gaze back to the forest.
“You know that saying of war? That war changes people? It’s correct.”
Oh. Oh. Well that… explained… a lot.
“It was in the fifties, you know, the world was still in shambles after the world wars and trying to get rid of the ashen past. I was in the 37th battalion, part of the field forces. I didn’t want to be there. I was shipped here after some conflicts at the borders that had been conflicted for decades, but the situation had suddenly got worse. We weren’t the only ones shipped there from outside of the country, there were many others coming from all around the world. That’s where I met Jisung.”

Felix stopped to breathe for a brief moment. Hyunjin didn’t hear pain in his voice, but there was probably a lot of it. Felix was just good at masking it.
“Jisung was in the 4th battalion, part of the field forces, too. He was so lost, and scared, I still remember seeing him at the barracks for the first time. We didn’t talk. We didn’t share a language back then.”

“Until we did. We were put in the same teams, we were both basic soldiers, no special skillsets, in other words, it was easy to get rid of us. We were both young, the others were old, Jisung started to follow me around and I let him. What else was I going to do? I thought that if our… friendship could offer him some sort of comfort from the hell we were in, then it was worth it.”

“Then we got sent to the field.” A bitter tone found its way to Felix’s speech. “A few attacks were successful, we returned as kings, until we didn’t. The attack failed. The enemy was stronger than us, we were surrounded from all directions in the trenches. I saw my team leader get shot in the head, another died in an explosion while trying to cover me. The last thing I heard from our battalion leader was his cracked voice in the radio was Goodbye and may you rest well. Then we ran.”

Felix let out a laugh. “We ran. There wasn’t anything else to do, I grabbed Jisung’s hand and started dragging him after myself. I had no idea where to go, the enemy was all around, you know when there’s just no hope and you know you’re only running from your inevitable death? That’s how I felt. I felt like I was wading in tar. Jisung got shot on his arm, I thought it was going to be our end. We rose from the trenches to the ground level, to the warzone, it was just a rain of bullets all around us, a few whistled just past my head and then… then we fell.”

“Through a big puddle made of rainwater and blood. I’ve never heard such silence after we fell and appeared in this… realm. Nothing moved. It was deafening. No bombs. No explosions. No screaming or crying or wailing. No planes. Nothing. Just silence. And me and Jisung, lying in that red puddle, still holding hands. In silence.”

What the hell. What the hell?

“Then I realized Jisung was bleeding profusely, he still has a scar on his arm. I thought we had died. That I had been shot in the head at the same time with Jisung, or something, and I was in heaven. Or hell. I don’t know. The limbo. I tied his arm, and then we… left. Found the barracks. There was no one. Absolutely no one. It was just the two of us and our language barrier.”

“Somehow we got through it. There was a lot of food and other stuff stored in the barracks, we survived a winter that had just begun. Slept through the days, ran from the shadows during the nights, we figured they were scared of water. There weren’t that many of them in the barracks. Then things started to change, the barracks just… disappeared from around us, and we had to find something else. We took a truck, drove to a nearby city, nearly died another time because of the shadows, then again, just kept running every night, until we realized that there weren’t any shadows in the countryside. We traveled. Fell in love. Learned each other’s languages, pretty much in that order. Watched the world change around us in the blink of an eye. Then we ran into Chan and Jeongin, around a hundred kilometers from here, they were traveling, and they took us here. After that we made this place a home.”

A silence fell. Hyunjin was awestruck. He had no fucking idea what to say. War? Jisung and Felix had both fought at war? Hyunjin couldn’t even- he couldn’t even imagine.
“B-but weren’t you… really young? Isn’t that against the rules or something?”
With that same sad smile Felix glanced at Hyunjin: “Yeah. They don’t show that side of the war in the history books. We were too young, way too young to be there. I got dragged into the army against my will at the ripe age of fifteen. They didn’t care, they just needed more soldiers. Same with Jisung. They were running out of men they could just throw away, so we were chosen. I got drafted when I was visiting a nearby store to get some eggs for my mom. Never got the chance to say goodbye to her. Or to my sister. My dad had already died in the past war. We were young. Though, I don’t think anyone is ever old enough to go through what we did. Old enough for war.”

Hyunjin opened his mouth, closed it, glanced at Seungmin, who was batting tears from his eyelashes. Apparently he hadn’t heard the whole story, either. Good lord, no wonder why Jisung and Felix were so… close.
“So yeah, that’s our sob story. We were both left with a post-traumatic stress disorder. It’s not as bad anymore as it used to be. I get night terrors, a lot more than Jisung. And nightmares. Jisung gets more flashbacks and panic attacks. Both of us get sometimes angry at stupid things, so if I ever snap at you for something stupid, then it’s probably that and I’m going to be very sorry about it afterwards. I get scared by loud noises, sometimes even thunderstorms, but not always. And sometimes the panic attacks come days after the triggers. It’s weird. But we’re getting better. Could be because of this place. It’s… healing, in a way. There aren’t loud noises. No planes, no explosions, no… war. There’s no war in here. Just peace. Quiet. Calm. Sometimes I still wonder if we just died and went to heaven.”

“And sometimes… I don’t know. I don’t feel bitter at the world anymore that I was dragged into the eastern front against my will, away from my family and everything. If that hadn’t happened to me, I would have never met Jisung. He’d probably be dead. He would have probably died in the trenches, without me, and I would have never got the chance to meet him. So maybe it was faith pulling her red strings that brought us together and here. At least I’d like to think that way. And I have to think that way, otherwise I’ll just become angry and bitter and hateful again.”

Hyunjin was at a loss for words. So was Seungmin. Felix’s voice trailed off, he seemed to fall into his… own little reality, as if Hyunjin and Seungmin had faded away.
“And sometimes I just wonder how they could put Jisung in that situation. He just… now he’s so strong and brave and all that but back then he was so… he was so fragile. So sensitive. So scared and lost. Back then I… when I held him through the nights, I thought he would just break like porcelain. And sometimes he’s still that way. He’s sensitive. His soul is so delicate. Vulnerable. I don’t… I don’t understand how they could look at him and think they could take him to the trenches in a helmet that was way too big for him and put an assault rifle in his hands and tell him to go kill someone. He never killed anyone. He never used his rifle. I did. From day one, I just wanted to protect him. And that I did.” Felix looked at his hands. Hyunjin felt like bursting into tears.

“I’m sorry”, Seungmin breathed out, quietly. Felix glanced at him and shook his head:
“Don’t be. It’s in the past, and if it wasn’t us going through that, it would have been someone else. Someone else would have died in our place. It just happened to be us, and we survived out of sheer luck, and now we’re here.”

“I don’t know what to say”, Hyunjin mumbled. He didn’t. What was he even supposed to say in a situation like this? Felix didn’t want pity, he didn’t need it, they were doing just fine and they were alive and all that! No wonder Jisung had said that he wasn’t unfortunate. This place must have felt like a safe haven to him after all… that. After all the havoc. After the war.
“You don’t need to say anything. We’re here and happy and that’s everything that matters.” Felix stretched a bit and yawned, “Oh, the foxes are here.”

And sure they were. Playing at the border in between the yard and the forest, glowing blue.
“Felix?” A voice called from inside the house, sounding a bit worried. Hyunjin recognized it to be Jisung’s.
“I’m on the porch, love. I’m coming back in a minute.” Felix softly yelled back, not loud enough to disturb the sleeping ones. Hyunjin heard a faint “okay” from the second floor. 

“Anyway, don’t feel bad for us. Either of you. It’s in the past and the world is better now.” Felix said before getting up and squeezing past Hyunjin and the table to the door. He didn’t seem all too… fazed about his own history. Maybe Hyunjin shouldn’t either. And most likely everyone else already knew about it and… now he and Seungmin did, too. No secrets in this place.
“Goodnight, Seungmin. Hyunjin, don’t fall asleep”, Felix smiled at the two of them before disappearing back in the house.

***

“Good afternoon sunshine! It’s lunchtime!” Changbin bursted into Hyunjin’s and Seungmin’s shared room. Hyunjin groaned and tried to hide his face in the pillow as Changbin pulled the covers off of him.
“C’mon, it couldn’t have been that tiring!”
“It was!” Hyunjin moaned.
“It wasn’t, c’mon, get up, lunch is ready and Jeongin said he’ll make you do all his dishes if you won’t wake up.”
Hyunjin finally gave in and rose to a sitting position. He rubbed his eyes, and then let Changbin pull him up from the bed by his hands.
“I’ll let you change”, Changbin said before exiting from the door, so Hyunjin did exactly that with somewhat slow motions.

His night had been fine. Everything had gone well, Seungmin had left perhaps half an hour after Felix, after Hyunjin had told him to go to sleep as he had been constantly yawning. It had been adorable. Very adorable. Heart-throbbingly adorable. But there had been sadness left lingering around after Felix, so they hadn’t spoken all that much. Just sat there, on the porch, in silence, staring at the forest. And it hadn’t been awkward. It had been just… they had just existed, together. It had been nice. It had been very nice that Seungmin had decided to come hang out with him.

Hyunjin hadn’t fallen asleep, at some point he had noticed his head had started to droop, so he had walked a few times around the yard, he had seen some rabbits and some bigger creatures running in the backyard, and after that he had fetched himself one of the hand-held gaming consoles from inside and played some car game until the sky had started to turn pink. His night had been peaceful. Just animals, creatures, no shadows. Hyunjin had made sure of that, he had flinched at every single sound and peered at every shadow with his flashlight, but all of them had been from the trees or the creatures. Something very dog-like had run over the yard towards the end of the night, and Hyunjin had been so excited.

Were there dogs in this realm?

Hyunjin hoped so!

He stepped out of his room, Changbin was waiting for him. He had a cap backwards on his head, he looked like he had been… doing something very physical. What had his new friends been up to today?
“Was it alright? Did you survive?” Changbin asked as they stepped the stairs down to the first floor.
“No, I died, as you may have noticed.”
“Haha, very funny. Didn’t fall asleep?”
“Nah. I’m pretty decent at… staying awake I guess.”
“That’s good. You can have my night guard shifts from now on.”

Together they stepped into the dining hall, everyone else was already seated, but not eating. Oh, they had waited for Hyunjin, so kind! Hyunjin took a seat next to Jeongin, Changbin sat opposite to him. Seungmin had cooked them some kind of stew, and Hyunjin started scooping it to his plate after Changbin.
“How was the night shift?” Chan smiled at Hyunjin, his hair was extremely curly today.
“It was alright! Nothing out of ordinary, I guess…”
“That’s good. They’re usually like that, just staring into the forest and the forest stares back.”
“…Yeah.”
“Chan, I love your philosophy but you’re once again scaring the kid”, Minho mumbled from next to Chan.
“’m not a kid”, Hyunjin mumbled, Minho smirked at him.
“I’m not scaring anyone”, Chan pouted, and Minho elbowed his ribs a bit too gently to be mean.

Hyunjin didn’t have any tasks assigned for him for today, but he wasn’t feeling all that tired anymore, so he chose to help Jeongin with the dishes, anyway. Jeongin’s presence was really growing on him, and Hyunjin had started to notice these little things about him. Like that his silvery hair was getting black from the roots as it was growing. And that he scrunched his nose whenever he laughed. And that he very often asked for Chan’s opinion, and then completely disregarded it.

Who did the hair cutting here, Hyunjin suddenly wondered. Jisung? Maybe. Or Felix. Hyunjin liked his hair long, but eventually it would probably get way too long… But he’d be back home by then, so, he’d just go to his usual hairdresser. Yeah. No need to worry about that.

As Hyunjin had nearly seated himself on the same sofa on the front porch he had just spent the last night on, Changbin threw something at him.
“We filled the swimming pool. Let’s go! Someone needs to teach Jeongin how to swim!”
“…He doesn’t know how to?” Was the first thing to leave Hyunjin’s lips instead of ‘how- what- why-?’.
“Nope, we haven’t had a pool before. We’re going to teach him, and I suppose you know how to swim, being an athlete and all that, so by us I mean you’re going to teach him.”
Hyunjin took the bundle of fabric Changbin had thrown at him and discovered it to be a pair of unused swimming trunks. Hell, it was a hot day, they had nothing else to do for the day (at least Hyunjin didn’t), and he hadn’t swum in ages, so might as well!

Oh no, what if Seungmin would see him- but he was in alright condition- but what if-
“Hurry up Hyunjin! The sun is scorching, your loverboy is coming too.”
Hyunjin eyed Changbin absolutely horrified to his very core, to which Changbin only laughed; “Don’t worry, he’s inside changing”, and that got Hyunjin finally to move.

And that’s how he ended up beside the pool, holding to a towel and sun soaking against his skin. Felix was already in the pool, he had a pink inflatable chair that had been patched up a few times with duct tape with him. Seungmin was standing beside Hyunjin and Hyunjin could feel his neck burning and he wasn’t sure if it was the sun or the Seungmin. Chan was holding Minho’s hand as they walked through the yard to the pool, Minho had left his cane back inside as he had figured it would be safer to keep it there.

Changbin jumped into the pool from the wood logs they had hauled from the wood shack to use as makeshift stairs. Soon enough Jisung ran from the house and threw himself into the pool as well, to Felix’s dismay who had just got himself into the inflatable chair and now got a lap full of water and Jisung. Hyunjin could see it now, the red, huge scar slitting through Jisung’s arm, just below his shoulder. The scar looked angry, as if it had only been there for a few years.

Because it had. And at the same time it hadn’t.

The scar on his arm wasn’t the only one, there were more smaller cuts all over his body, Felix had some nasty-looking splinter scars on his back, too. From a grenade? Or not. Hyunjin didn’t know what could make those kinds of scars.
“Get in the pool, pretty boy!” Changbin splashed water at Hyunjin and Hyunjin dodged it at the very last second, Seungmin didn’t, but instead yelped and grabbed Hyunjin’s arm for some reason that was not clear to Hyunjin to keep himself upright. Hyunjin glanced at the boy next to him, who immediately let go, and now it wasn’t just Hyunjin’s neck burning, but his entire face. Thank god he knew his blush rarely was evident.

“Hyunjin, lend a hand or at least an eye, will you?” Minho called out from beside the log, so Hyunjin hurried over to him. Chan had already jumped into the pool, he was helping him from the other side.
“Yes, I’m right here”, Hyunjin said, noticed Seungmin had followed after him and placed his towel on the chairs that had been brought from the porch around the pool. Man, there was an actual pool in their backyard. Wow. Jeongin ran from the house, he was holding a colorful pool ring.
“Give me your hand”, and Hyunjin did. He helped Minho get into the pool, watched as his face contorted as he realized the water wasn’t all that warm but actually a bit cold. “Refreshing”, as Changbin said it (they just didn’t want to waste hot water for the pool). Chan held to Minho’s waist as he stepped down the stairs in the pool (the actual stairs), and man, if he wasn’t going to confess to Minho sooner than later then Hyunjin was going to do it for him, because he had never seen a look so loving as Chan had on his face when Minho splashed the water around him.

Or well, except whenever Felix and Jisung looked at each other. Jesus, he really would have wanted to share a look like that with a special… someone…
“Your turn”, that special someone mumbled.
“Right”, Hyunjin mumbled back as he hauled himself into the pool after Minho.
“My turn!” Jeongin announced loudly before throwing the pool ring into the water and jumping over the edge. Seungmin looked a little shy, and Hyunjin just… tried not to stare.

But he just had this… this… this feeling… this feeling that he got when he just… man, Seungmin was truly so otherworldly gorgeous.

Then Changbin splashed water on Hyunjin and Hyunjin reiterated, got a loud shriek from Felix as the water instead hit him, and then Chan was trying to shield Minho and Minho just laughed before splashing water on Chan and soon there was an entire water fight going on, and Seungmin quickly got himself into the water as well.

The pool was huge. The rich-people-kind-of huge. The waterline was on Hyunjin’s chest, so it was a deep one, too. The sun glimmered against the little ripples and waves on the water’s surface, Hyunjin could hear birds singing in the trees close by. The sky was cloudless, the sun warmed his skin and Hyunjin breathed in, he tasted the air, the nature in it, the depth of the forest around him. Seungmin glanced at him, he had a soft smile on his face, but it quickly washed away as Jisung splashed more water on him. Cheerful laughter filled the air, and perhaps it filled a portion of Hyunjin’s aching heart, too.

“Jeongin! Time to learn how to swim!”

Chapter Text

The sun set, it rose, it set and rose again, and repeat. The ache in Hyunjin’s chest didn’t leave, it stayed, it didn’t feel consuming, it just was there. The longing to go back home. These people around him, they were nice, they took Hyunjin in, but… they weren’t home. Hyunjin wanted to go to his parents, feel his mom’s embrace and his dad ruffling his hair, he was getting desperate, so desperate. How long had it been? How long had it been in the real world? Had they already buried him? Had they already forgot about him? Hyunjin didn’t know, and it made the ache worse. So much worse.

But there were times when he forgot it, when Changbin made Hyunjin play some game with him in which they both sucked at and ended up losing the whole thing, when he sat on the porch in the evenings, just watching the little fairies fly around. Those were the times when he forgot about the ache, when he had other things to wonder about, something else to do. Like staring at Seungmin who was staring at the sky in turn.

There weren’t any shadows, Hyunjin, Changbin and Jeongin went to get some groceries one day, they ended up eating a tub of ice cream on the stairs of the store and got home way too late, and Chan had been mildly annoyed because he valued tradition and they had missed dinner. Well, perhaps it was a bit too much to say he valued tradition, he just liked to keep his boys in check as the woods around them weren’t the kindest. Whatever that meant.

Hyunjin’s leg was healing fine, some of the scabs were starting to peel off, Changbin had ordered him to moisturize it every evening, so Hyunjin had got himself some moisturizer from that one drugstore beside the flower shop, and done as he had been told for a few nights now. Daily tasks, staring at the forest, chatting with the people around him, going for some runs (avoiding the clifftop), that’s how he passed his days.

Hyunjin had helped Jeongin to learn how to swim properly, and in the end he had got the gist of it, and Hyunjin had felt very accomplished. More than once he had also sat around the same table with Minho and Chan for breakfast, and got to know those two a bit better. Chan was what one would call an old soul, that’s what Hyunjin had learned. He was eager to learn about Hyunjin’s life, and Hyunjin found himself being the one to talk and tell stories to Chan more than the other way around. Chan always just shrugged and said his days had been like this for many winters now, and there wasn’t really much to tell. Hyunjin didn’t believe that. But he knew better than to pry.

Otherwise Chan was very… warm. He was a warm person, every morning he asked Hyunjin how he had slept, if he was feeling alright and would he like some tea. Hyunjin had declined three times and accepted on the fourth, and found out that he actually kind of liked tea (and the gaze he had got from Seungmin when he had seen Hyunjin was drinking tea, oohhoho, now he was one of those ‘academics’ in the books Seungmin perhaps loved).

Changbin ended up becoming Hyunjin’s bestie. Literally. They went everywhere together, unless Hyunjin was with Seungmin. Sometimes Jeongin tagged along, sometimes it was Jisung. Jisung, apart from his outburst during the first morning, was a bit on the shyer side, which came to Hyunjin as a surprise. He kept to himself more, spent a lot of time in his atelier and Hyunjin didn’t dare to go interrupt him unless someone was with him, Hyunjin wasn’t on that sort of friendship level with him yet. But he was all good fun whenever he had time to spare for Hyunjin and the others.

And then there was Minho, of course, Hyunjin had learned by now how to let the boy know he was in the room with him. And that he liked long walks, one time Hyunjin had been on a run and he had met Minho and Chan along his way and decided to take the walk with them. He had listened to their conversations, taken part in them, too, they were both so… patient and… warm and kind, but in different ways. Chan’s presence was secure and comfortable, always there, even if at times a bit quiet, like the depth of the night. Minho was the sunlit afternoon, kind and gentle, sometimes bubbly, always bright. They completed each other, Hyunjin just wasn’t entirely sure if the two of them knew it.

Jeongin could be described as effervescent, there was never a dull moment when he was around, and Hyunjin found himself enjoying the boy’s company a lot. Jeongin was somehow… safe. Hyunjin didn’t fear to be stupid with him around, he could just… be himself. Not pretend, like he did with everyone else. Except maybe Changbin. And occasionally Seungmin. Felix, on the other hand was sunshine personified and he always had something to say. He was always all smiles, like he hadn’t been… forced to go through all of that. The night terrors weren’t as horrifying now that Hyunjin knew the story behind them.

But now, Hyunjin was faced once again with the task he had most dreaded. He was standing in the kitchen, the day was turning to noon, and he was staring at the cupboards completely helpless. He was supposed to make them lunch. Alone.

What the hell would he do?

The window had been left ajar, there were some new spice plants on the windowsill, some growing from mugs used as pots. A few ivies were hanging just outside the window, casting shadows in the kitchen. The day was warm, Hyunjin rolled the sleeves of his shirt to his elbows as he opened the fridge door.

There were containers. And cartons. A lot of containers and cartons.

He closed the door, moved to the row of cupboards, opened each of them, flour, more containers, spices, empty cups and plates and all that and spices and containers and containers and everything and all that. Hyunjin closed the last cupboard and sighed. There sure were a lot of things. And none of them helped Hyunjin with his cooking.

It wasn’t that he was a completely atrocious cook, he just… didn’t know what to do. Ok, well maybe he wasn’t a good cook either. What would the others like? What did they want? Hyunjin was fine with everything! He didn’t want to make decisions! He opened one of the drawers, took one of the cookbooks, flipped through it. Pretty pictures. Words and numbers that didn’t mean anything to Hyunjin, unless he focused on them, and then someone laughed too loudly outside and yeah. And now Hyunjin was overanalyzing and getting overwhelmed and he’d have to make decisions, what would he cook, what to do-.

“Do you need help?” Seungmin poked his head from behind the corner. Hyunjin could hear Jisung cursing in his atelier, someone was washing clothes as the washing machine had been put on.
“No, I’ll be fine”, Hyunjin cracked a smile to Seungmin and immediately nearly slapped himself. God damn it, Hyunjin! Just because you wanted to look good in his eyes and not completely helpless!
“Alright”, Seungmin smiled back at Hyunjin and disappeared back to the dining hall. Living room. Whatever it was. A hybrid of those two. Jisung’s cursing was perfect to picture Hyunjin’s current state of mind. He put the cookbook down, closed his eyes, flipped through more pages before stopping and opened his eyes. Some sort of pasta made in the oven. Yeah, no, he closed his eyes again and flipped through the pages. Fish soup. They didn’t have any fish, Chan had just this morning wondered if he should go fishing. So no. He did it again, flipped the pages so hard the book fell on the ground and Hyunjin groaned. He was helpless.

He rummaged through the fridge again. Then the cupboards. Then the freezer. Just containers of mushrooms and berries. Some frozen meat. Hyunjin wanted to cry, his brain was making this way too hard for him, he couldn’t choose what to do, he was bad at making decisions, what if he’d choose something the others wouldn’t like? That would be just horrifying! And then they wouldn’t like him and then they would get mad and-

No. Hyunjin. Stop it. The world wasn’t ending, not right now.

Hyunjin took a deep breath and took the cookbook from the floor, placed it on the table in the middle of the kitchen. Then he swallowed his pride and all of the thoughts swarming in his head and circled the corner to the dining hall. There he found Seungmin, curled up in the armchair next to the fireplace, a book in his hand, his glasses had slid down on his nose. Hyunjin waited for Seungmin to notice him, and it didn’t take all that long for the boy to lift his head from the book.
“Seungmin?” Hyunjin started with the smallest voice he had ever mustered up from himself, while fiddling with the hair ties around his wrist.
“Hm?”
“Can you help me?”
Hyunjin watched as that familiar, gentle smile tugged the corners of Seungmin’s mouth and made Hyunjin’s heart wrench. Then he put the book down on the armrest and rose up.
“Sure.”

***

“Oh, this is good!” Jeongin muttered as he lapped some soup in his mouth. In the end Seungmin had chosen they would go for some vegetable soup and freshly baked bread, and Hyunjin had been forced to peel and cut and dice all the vegetables, while Seungmin made the bread dough. That had been fine. The soup was good, at least according to Jeongin, and Chan also hummed in agreement. Thank god, Hyunjin could feel the relief on his shoulders, they didn’t hate his food and now he could relax. The next time he’d be in charge of cooking was in… a week. Then he’d repeat the process of nearly having a mental breakdown and then begging Seungmin to help him.

Hyunjin glanced at Seungmin next to him, they shared a brief gaze during which Seungmin gently smiled at him, clearly proud of their handiwork. And dear lord, did Hyunjin’s heart make somersaults. If there only was a chance…

“Looks like it’s going to be another rainy day…” Jisung mumbled, he was sitting closest to the window, staring outside. Clouds had gathered in the sky, made the forest around them look even darker.
“It feels like it will be quite a storm…” Minho said, Applesauce was trying to get to his soup and Minho had to keep her back with his other hand.
“How do you feel that?” Hyunjin asked, just out of curiosity. Minho had said he could ask anything, so he did!
“It just… the air feels electric. Pressuring. Just a bit different from the sunny days.”
Seungmin hummed, perhaps he could feel it too, Hyunjin guessed.

And a storm they got. After helping Jisung clean the kitchen (Hyunjin was on a mission to get to know him better), the rain started pouring down. Felix ran outside to bring out every single bucket he could find and fill them with rainwater, as it apparently was the best for the vegetables. Seungmin ran after him to help him, and nearly did Hyunjin too, until he caught Changbin’s gaze that most likely said something about him being a bit too obvious. So Hyunjin stayed inside, safe from the pouring rain. It didn’t take long for the first lightning to crack through the dark sky, the sound after it making the hairs in Hyunjin’s arms stand up. He had never been that fond of thunder. And by the sounds and the darkness Hyunjin could tell that the eye of the storm wasn’t far away.

Jeongin and Chan decided to go for a board game, Hyunjin steered clear from that, he knew exactly what would happen and that meant him being not able to focus since he had never played the game before and the thunder kept distracting him and then he’d just end up looking stupid and being stupid. Seungmin chose not to play either, Changbin sat on the stool opposite to Chan and cracked his knuckles, clearly in it to win the game. Hyunjin sat next to Seungmin on the sofa for a brief minute, Seungmin had had to change his shirt after running in the pouring rain and now he was reading his book and not minding about anything. He had the habit to immerse himself into the stories. Hyunjin admired that.

And got bored. He rose up after a while, Jisung and Felix were in the atelier, Minho was learning against Chan’s shoulder and Hyunjin could swear he saw a hint of panic on Chan’s face. He decided to wander around the house, went upstairs, found nothing to do in his room, nothing in the game room either as he didn’t want to play alone, went downstairs, the others were playing and Seungmin was reading and Hyunjin wasn’t brave enough to go disturb Felix and Jisung so he walked up again and wished he could go for a run (which he technically could have, Chan had just mentioned something about the forest loving the rain and that it was best to say inside so he thought it would perhaps be the best to follow that advice).

And then he spotted the hatch in the roof. Right, he had never been to the attic! Changbin had mentioned there was just old stuff there, left by the ones that lived here before them.

Which, naturally, got Hyunjin curious. Quickly he scurried downstairs and poked his head to the dining hall.
“Chan, can I go explore the attic?” He asked, that got Seungmin lifting up his head from his book. Chan looked surprised, blinked a few times.
“Sure, this is your home just as it is ours.”
Oh. Well. Okay. Hyunjin just nodded and smiled, before disappearing back upstairs. The thunder cracked, lights flickered, just a little. Hyunjin found the stepladder from the broom storage cupboard thing, had to tiptoe when he reached for the hatch door and finally pulled it open. Some dust fell on him, Hyunjin sneezed just as the thunder cracked, this time making the world around him rumble. Oh, so it was getting really close. Just great! Oh well.

Hyunjin positioned the stepladder as it was supposed to, before realizing he’d probably need a flashlight, and ran to get one from downstairs. Then, one step at a time, he rose to the attic. Sneezed again. Jesus, there really was a lot of dust in here. He hauled himself on the floor, he’d have to change all of his clothes after this little trip, he already had dust all over him. Then he put on the flashlight, and let the light roam the room.

The attic was like any attic. Dark. There were dusty windows at both ends, the hatch was roughly in the middle. Boxes, some wooden, some cartons, piles of old-looking books. The roof was slanted on both sides, naturally. Hyunjin was surprised to find the air dry, he had for some reason ought it to be moist and… old. It wasn’t, just dusty. Hyunjin could see footprints in the dust, there was already gathered some more dust on top of them, so it had been a while since anyone had visited the place.

“Found anything interesting?” Hyunjin could hear Seungmin calling for him from the second floor, before the steps creaked, and his head popped up from the hatch.
“Not yet”, Hyunjin answered as he rose up. His head nearly touched the ceiling in the highest part, and if he were to explore the boxes, he’d have to sit or bend over. Seungmin sneezed.
“Bless you”, Hyunjin mumbled at him and got a thanks in turn. Without really thinking, Hyunjin offered Seungmin his hand and helped the other one up as well, and then realized what he had done and could feel the blush on his cheeks. He got another thanks.

Hyunjin walked further into the attic, lit his way with the flashlight, every now and then the lightning lit up the whole room.
“The thunder is close”, Seungmin mumbled, Hyunjin hummed as an answer. He had a feeling Seungmin liked the thunder. He always liked such… things.

Seungmin walked behind Hyunjin, Hyunjin carefully lit all the nooks and crannies and corners. There were old things. An old sewing machine, old clothes, some neatly folded, some not. A typewriter, Seungmin gasped as he saw it and made his way towards it. It was heavy, dragged against the wooden floor as he took it out.
“There’s even paper for this!” Oh, he sounded so delighted!
Hyunjin moved around, the window close by was enough to give light to Seungmin as it still was around mid-day despite the thunder. A box full of notebooks. More clothing, some eaten by moths. A chest that was locked, Hyunjin didn’t see keys anywhere. On the walls were hanging a few old paintings and picture frames, cobwebs, some sort of leathery straps which may have once held something.

Hyunjin coughed as the dust got to his lungs, he walked to the other side of the attic. There was more stuff in there. Magazines stacked on top of one another, a baby’s crib, funny-looking old hats. A fishing pole, umbrella, a record player, more boxes. How many of these things were imprints from the real world and existed in the attic of the decayed, abandoned house deep in the forest? How many of these things had been bought here from this realm? A loom that nearly reached the ceiling still had some fabric on it. Someone had once made fabric with that thing, Hyunjin realized. How long had they been gone? Why were they gone? Had they just got fed up with this place, had they left it behind? Or had something else happened? Hyunjin wanted to know. Maybe he’d ask about it from Chan or Jeongin.

“There are diaries here”, Seungmin said, he was scrolling through the notebooks Hyunjin had just spotted. Oh, that was interesting! Maybe they’d find something about the house and its inhabitants and their past from those! Hyunjin hurried over to Seungmin, got some spiderwebs on his face and frantically tried to get them away.
“Is there something interesting in them?”
“Maybe. There are a lot of them, we’ll have to see. They’re not put in this box in order, and I’m pretty sure there are someone else’s notebooks, too.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah. One of these is dated to the nineteenth century. I doubt this house has been up that long, because it hasn’t been up that long in the real world. Someone has to have transported them here. Kept them. And kept up with dates. Or maybe these exist in the real world and are just imprints in here.”
“Oh. Cool.”
“Mmhm.”

“Are you two still up there?” Jeongin yelled from outside, the thunder cracked, rattling the windows.
“Yeah!” Hyunjin answered him, and soon enough his head poked in through the hatch as well.
“Damn. It’s even dustier here than before. Maybe we should clean this place sometime.”
Hyunjin hurried to help Jeongin up as well.
“Finished your game?”
“Yeah. Changbin won. He always does. Oh, I tried reading through those one time, but the cursive is really hard to read”, Jeongin pointed at the notebooks. Seungmin hummed, he put one book down, rummaged through them and pulled another from below the layers of notebooks. Opened it from a random page, read a few sentences.

“Is there anything interesting in that?” Hyunjin asked, took one notebook as well and opened it. Yeah, the cursive was hard to read, Jeongin had not lied about that. It was that old type of cursive. Ancient, or that’s how it felt like to Hyunjin.
“Just about daily life.”
Hyunjin lit the notebook with his flashlight. ‘Today me and my beloved gathered the kids and headed for the town close by’. Yeah, it would seem so. ‘My beloved’, how adorable! And kids! Hyunjin had a hunch these diaries belonged to the person who had lived in the real world in the same house before it had been abandoned.

Seungmin sat down on the dusty ground, took a few notebooks and carefully started reading through them. Or well, not reading, just turning the pages, reading a sentence here and another there. Hyunjin took another book as Jeongin rummaged through the boxes on the other side. Thunder flashed, the one who had written the notebooks had drawn pictures, circles that overlapped each other. Hyunjin turned to another page, found nothing interesting and chose another notebook.
“These are written with ink… I wonder if the pens and ink are still here”, Seungmin mumbled.
“Hm?”
“Oh, sorry, just talking to myself.”
Endearing. Hyunjin knew Seungmin had a habit of speaking his thoughts aloud, especially when he was focused on something.

On the other side of the room Jeongin pulled a cloth from an old mirror. The cloth had kept the dust from getting on its surface. Lightning struck somewhere close, perhaps it wasn’t the best decision to spend time in the attic during a thunderstorm, but Hyunjin didn’t really care right now. Besides, the forest gave them cover from the worst lightning bolts.
“Ooh la la!” Jeongin sang as he found himself a huge hat and put it on. It fell over his eyes, the brim of the hat was enormous. Hyunjin giggled at him.
“Can you lend me the flashlight?” Seungmin asked from the floor, so Hyunjin handed it to him, before striding over to Jeongin. He was useless in deciphering the notebooks, anyway.

Jeongin handed Hyunjin another ridiculous hat, which Hyunjin placed on his head. He had to undo his ponytail in order to get the hat to fit to his head. It was a straw hat, just not a very fashionable one. Jeongin laughed at him, before handing him another hat, and soon they found themselves trying on different hats, then jackets, then Jeongin found an old wedding dress and soon after Hyunjin and Jeongin were getting married. Seungmin was still reading through the notebooks, the rain seemed to fade away every once in a while, and then it returned, thrumming against the roof nearly deafeningly loud.

Jeongin and Hyunjin moved to another box, there were shoes and magazines, old comics and Jeongin seemed to become overjoyed by the sight.
“Oh man, I didn’t know they had these in here!”
“Haven’t you gone through the stuff in here before?”
“Just briefly, when me, Chan, Felix and Jisung gathered some stuff from downstairs and brought them here when we made this place ours. I figured there wouldn’t be anything interesting here, but I was wrong.”
“Right…” When we made this place ours. It sounded so… odd.
“Those notebooks that Seungmin is reading, the dining hall was full of those. It was quite messy in here back then. And some of the paintings we brought up here, too, when Jisung decided they weren’t good enough to be downstairs.”
“I see.”

Jeongin sat down and took one of the comics, Hyunjin sat down next to him. He was already dusty all over, a little more on his pants wouldn’t hurt.
“How did you find this place? Or I don’t know… I just… how it happened?”
“It wasn’t that long ago. Or well, it was long ago, but like… um, so Changbin is from the same town as you. So is Minho, and we arrived here some time before Minho fell through. Before that me and Chan and… uhh, a few others lived closer to the shore.”
“What do you mean shore?”
“The sea.”
“The others?”
“I… yeah. I mean, me and Chan haven’t traveled together like, all the time. I used to… I used to live with my parents. As I’ve said before, if I remember correctly, I told you that I’ve come here when I was very little. I mean like very little. Like four years old. Or something like that, I don’t remember much from the beginning, nor how I got here. One day we just… everyone had disappeared, that’s what my mom used to say, I’m not sure if she had any idea what was going on, either. And my sister was even younger, two years at that time, so… Yeah. Anyway.”

Used to. Was. They weren’t here anymore, were they? What had happened to them?
“Storytime! We found some other people, we used to live closer to the sea, we had this small community, and someone had figured out that salt and water kept the shadows at bay, so we lived there a few winters until we didn’t.”
“Hm?”
“The, uhh, the shadows got in.” The look on Jeongin’s face darkened a little. “I don’t remember much, I wasn’t all that old back then. Maybe like… seven, eight-ish. The years bled together, I don’t know. I, um, I do remember when… the people started screaming about the shadows and the circle being broken and… my mom was next to me and she just shoved me to my dad before just… falling over. She just, like in a snap of fingers, she just… died. My dad shoved me into a closet and… I waited there until the morning. The shadows can’t get to you when you’re in complete darkness, I learned that that night. There’s nothing to… shadow on, I suppose. Anyway, I got out, my family was dead, all of them, so was most of our small community except for a few people. We buried them all, then moved to another place.”
Dear lord.

“I-I’m sorry…”, Hyunjin mumbled.
“Nah, I’m used to it, I guess. It’s sad but bearable. Anyways, the same happened in that place again a few winters after. I was the only survivor because after that night I had started to draw a salt circle around my bed. I wandered around that place alone for… a week, two, maybe, didn’t know what to do, the bodies were smelling really bad and I was very young and tried burying them myself but… well, hard when you’re very small and the dead people are adults. But to my luck, Chan found me! Man, he looked like shit back then. He had just… well, the same thing had happened to him, or something, he doesn’t talk about it much. Anyway, he took me under his wing since he was a bit older, and together we hiked around and avoided cities and he hunted us food until I learned to do it too and so on. And then he decided to learn how to drive and that’s how we… spent time, I guess. We didn’t find any other people for the longest time. The world just changed; it was the most visible in cars. Cities got bigger. Countryside didn’t change much. It was weird, but at the same time not, you know, both of us were so young when we got here that it has always been the only reality we have known. We’re used to the… quick change, I guess.”

“Chan wanted away from the sea, for some reason, so we traveled towards the inland. We stayed in a house for quite a long time that was like… a hundred kilometers away from here. Then it started slowly disappearing, we figured they had demolished it in the real world so we had to find a new house. Which we did! And we’re in it right now! And that’s the story of how we found this place.”

“Wow.” Just. Wow. Even Seungmin had stopped reading and was listening to them.
“Yeah.”
“So… there wasn’t anyone living here back then?”
“Nah, but this place hadn’t been abandoned for long. It had been lived, clearly in this realm. There was still some food stuff left in the fridges and so on, so we, uh… we waited if someone was going to return but… no one did. So we settled in here. Just the two of us. Every now and then Chan wanted to travel around, so we did. We decided we’d move when this house would be demolished, but so far it hasn’t. Anyway, yeah, we traveled around but always returned home for nights. And one time we ran to Jisung and Felix and it was very odd because me and Chan had been alone for so long and then there were just… two people who had clearly been through a lot and then there were suddenly four people in our house. And yeah. We renovated this place a little how we liked and… that’s how we made this place home. We don’t really know anything about the former inhabitants, we don’t know if they’re… around anymore.”

“Wow.” Hyunjin was once again left speechless. Jeongin had been through so much… grief and pain and… he had survived so much and so had Chan and… Whew.
“And then like a winter or two after Minho just. Appeared through a goddamn glass door nearly almost right into Chan’s arms. And then Changbin. And then you two. Now it’s eight of us. It was once just two of us. Sometimes it’s still a little… hard to… understand, I guess. We were alone for so long.” Jeongin’s voice trailed off towards the end. He had a bit of a glassy look in his eyes as he was staring at the window behind Hyunjin’s back, still clutching the comic in his hands. At that moment, he looked so… small. So vulnerable. Hyunjin could see all of the scars the world had left on him.

A loud crack broke the atmosphere, Jeongin flinched:
“Damn, that was close!” And it was, Hyunjin could feel the thunder rumbling. Seungmin rose up.
“There’s smoke rising from the woods close by. Must have struck there.”
“Wow, mother nature sure isn’t loving us today.”
“She clearly isn’t.”
Jeongin rose up, helped Hyunjin to stand up as well. Just before Hyunjin was about to ask if they’d take the comics downstairs, he heard Changbin yelling from below them:

“You three! Horror movie night, right now!”

Chapter Text

The morning after the storm was one of the most beautiful mornings Hyunjin had ever seen. The cobweb beside his and Seungmin’s room’s window had some raindrops sewn in it, glimmering iridescent in the morning sun. Hyunjin could see a cloudless sky, Seungmin had forgot to pull the curtains in front of the window before he had stopped reading his book and fallen asleep, and that light streaming through the window was the reason Hyunjin had woken up. He let his gaze linger in the room that was bathed in the golden light, then it fell on his other side, on the picture that was standing on his nightstand. A sharp pain struck through Hyunjin – he had dreamed of his family. He had dreamed about returning home and telling about all of these adventures he had experienced with his new friends to his father and mother, and they had listened and been so happy that Hyunjin was back – and then they had eaten cake. But it had been a dream, only a dream, and Hyunjin was still stuck in this mirror realm, and even if the last night’s horror movie had been very much horrible and terrible and scared the shit out of Hyunjin, it had kept him from longing after his parents for a few hours.

Now the longing was back. The ache in his chest. Hyunjin sighed as he rose to a sitting position, only then realizing that his leg brushed against Seungmin’s. He yanked it back to his side, good god, he hoped Seungmin hadn’t woken up to that! He hoped he didn’t do that… usually. But Seungmin didn’t wake up, he kept on snoring and Hyunjin figured out he had fallen asleep midway through his book, because it was sprawled next to his pillow and looked dangerously close to falling off the bed and the little light on Seungmin’s nightstand was still on. Hyunjin couldn’t keep the little smile away from his face. He couldn’t… he couldn’t help the warmth spreading inside his chest. Seungmin was alive, and snoring next to him, and he had been so tired that he had fallen asleep while reading his book. Hyunjin wanted to kiss his cheek and mumble him a good morning and then he mentally slapped himself, he couldn’t do that and rose up. He quietly made his way to Seungmin’s side of the bed, took the book and placed it on the nightstand before drawing the curtains close. He listened to the sounds around him, but the house seemed to be asleep. Perhaps it was still really early. It had been Jeongin’s turn as a night guard, next it would be Felix’s, then Seungmin’s and then again Hyunjin’s.

After changing his clothes, he tiptoed his way downstairs. He was the first one up, Applesauce meowed at him, purred as Hyunjin scratched her head behind her ears.
“Sorry, I’m not Minho, no food for you yet.”
Applesauce, for some reason, seemed to understand him, and after she had had enough of the scratches, she returned to her usual spot on the sofa under the gentle morning sun and curled up there. In silence Hyunjin gathered breakfast at the dining hall table, listened to the world around him. He could hear the birds singing outside, the lawn glimmered with the morning dew. The salt circle would have to be enhanced again tonight, it had rained the whole night and Jeongin had had to run around the yard to check up the circle through his entire guard shift.

Even though Hyunjin usually loathed the silence, this sort of silence was… nice. The silence of the early morning. Not full silence, he could hear the house around him, the creaks of the floorboards, the birds, nature. He could hear the kettle brewing the water for the tea, he could hear his own breaths, the electricity running through all of the equipment in the kitchen. It was nice. It was a comforting silence.

It would have been more comforting, if Hyunjin had been home.

“Morning”, Minho’s morning voice woke Hyunjin from his thoughts.
“Morning, it’s Hyunjin.”
“Figured, you’re quieter than Jisung or Felix.”
Applesauce finally got her breakfast, after that Minho sat down opposite to Hyunjin. His hair was a mess, he tried to smoothen it out a bit, before getting himself a plate of cereal.
“Did you like the movie last night?” Minho asked, curious.
“Mm… yeah. I didn’t like the dolls, they were creepy.”
“Mmhm, Chan thought so, too. I really liked how they played with the soundscape, the silence and all that.” Naturally, Minho had watched the movie with them, or more so listened, and Chan had quietly explained to him what had been going on in the film. At first Hyunjin had been a bit bothered by the quiet mumbling at the other end of the sofa, but soon he had found himself immersed in the movie, and Chan’s explaining hadn’t bothered Hyunjin at all.
“Is… um, is Chan the only one that… like when we watch movies and all that, um-“
“No, it’s just whoever wants to do it. Usually it’s Chan, sometimes Jeongin, sometimes Felix. I really like Felix’s voice, it’s so deep, and it fits especially when it’s a sad movie. Though, he always starts to cry at the sad movies, so that makes things a little harder.”
Hyunjin nearly let out a giggle. Nearly.
“I see.”
“You can try it too someday, if you want. It’s just, you know, Chan said it’s a bit hard to find the line between overexplaining and underexplaining and sometimes things happen fast, so sometimes it can be a little difficult. Jisung is absolute garbage in it, he immerses himself into the movies way too fast and forgets that he should be telling me what’s going on if I can’t figure it out from the conversations.”
“Alright.” Oh, Hyunjin was too dumb for that.

The conversation traveled to favorite movies and other pieces of fiction, Hyunjin found out that Chan very often read books aloud to Minho before they went to sleep, and Hyunjin wanted to yell at Minho’s face to just kiss the man, but he didn’t. Felix was the next one to arrive at the breakfast table, and not long after Chan walked down from the stairs, and he was followed by Seungmin.
“Jeongin had a rough night, I could hear him snoring through the door”, Seungmin mumbled as he sat down next to Felix.
“Mmhm, strengthening the circle is a pain in the ass when it’s raining heavily through the entire night”, Chan mused.
“Maybe we should just dig a moat around the entire house”, Felix suggested, mischief sparkling in the corner of his eye.
“Or find us a house in the middle of a lake or something.”
“Sounds amazing.”

And soon seven of them were seated around the breakfast table, Jeongin was still fast asleep, and would be well into the noon. Chan dropped his tea on his pants and nearly burned himself, Hyunjin spilled some milk on the table when he handed the carton to Seungmin and Changbin accidentally poured orange juice in his cereal and then Hyunjin found himself laughing with tears in his eyes through breakfast. Chaotic. The calm of the early morning was long gone, now Hyunjin had only Changbin glaring at him (not very seriously), and Jisung shaking his head at all of them. The breakfast ended to yet another suggestion from Felix, who had been gazing outside and trying to analyze how the weather would turn out to be for the rest of the day:
“I’d like to go see how the little blueberries and lingonberries are doing in the forest, if they’ve started to flower yet. Can we go see them today?”

***

Seungmin was absolutely exhilarated to go into the forest, he hadn’t visited it before, Hyunjin was thrilled but also a tiny bit scared. He found himself holding his breath as they stepped over the border in between the yard of the house and the forest, as his feet led him to a small trail that took him deeper into the woods. Hyunjin could immediately feel the change – he could feel the forest around him, like he had done when they had first gone to visit the city. However, now the change in atmosphere was almost tangible.

Green, everywhere around him. The sunlight seeped through the branches of the spruces and the pine trees and the birch trees and all of the leafy trees Hyunjin didn’t know the names of. Every now and then the narrow trail, made of dirt and dead leaves and pine needles, disappeared into the moss, into bushes, into the greenery around them. Flowers. Some so blue they looked almost electric, some violet, some bright pink. Sometimes the sunlight disappeared as the woods got way too thick for it to get through the leaves, and a hue of green engulfed the five of them. Chan led them in the front, he had his backpack full of everything, Felix went second, Seungmin third, stopping to admire every single flower, every single fallen pinecone. Hyunjin was behind Seungmin, of course he was, Changbin followed him. Hyunjin, too, had a backpack, in there he had one of those airhorns, a knife Chan had given him and a little first aid kit, a water bottle and some snacks.
“You never know what you’ll find in these woods. In the worst case we’ll get lost and spend days in there. In the best case we’ll get back before the afternoon has passed.” Those were the words Chan had said to Hyunjin before he had handed him the knife, and Hyunjin had a tiny bit of fear stirring in his gut, reminding him to stay cautious of his surroundings.

But how could he stay cautious, when the nature around him was so breathtakingly gorgeous? He knew they weren’t even far yet, they had only walked for like five minutes, but somehow it felt like they were deep in the forest and their little cottage was somewhere far, far away, kilometers away from them. Seungmin gasped as he saw yet another beautiful flower, he crouched down to look at it, but didn’t touch it. Wise, probably, some of the flowers looked very strange, they could be poisonous. Bluebells, lilies of the valley, something white and pink and blue and green and red and and and so many colors! Hyunjin didn’t even have anything to say, he couldn’t find the words to describe the beauty of it!

No man had ever touched these forests, he then realized. These forests were completely natural, they had to crouch under a fallen tree, then climb over another. A small hill, sunlight, then back into the green, darker hue. Rotten trees, flourishing trees, bushes, ferns, all that. Birds, yips and yaps and quieter howls, the forest around them was so alive Hyunjin had never felt such life around him.

And soon enough he started to notice the smaller things. They saw more of the fairy bees. Seungmin pointed at a skull that looked like it had belonged to some sort of deer. Hyunjin wondered where the rest of its skeleton was. Bugs roaming on the ground, some of them iridescent, reflecting light. Mice, just normal forest mice, but not afraid of them, quite on the contrary, one of them came to smell Hyunjin’s sneakers and Hyunjin would have taken it on his palm if Changbin hadn’t stopped him.
“You’ll never know which of them are going to bite you”, he whispered, as if afraid to break the silence of the forest.

And Hyunjin could understand that. He, too, was afraid of speaking. They only mumbled to each other quietly, Chan spoke in a hushed voice as he pointed where they would head next, another small hill, there the sunlight cradled Hyunjin’s face, kissed his temple and warmed his fingertips. There laid another skeleton of a tree, next to a skeleton of a bear. Changbin didn’t look too happy about it, his shotgun hung from his shoulder from its strap.
“I wish I had a camera”, Seungmin whispered to Hyunjin, with so much wonder in his eyes Hyunjin nearly fell onto his knees and confessed his love to him. God, he would have given anything if Seungmin would have spared him even a glance with that much emotion in his eyes.

They followed the sounds of a rippling little stream, there were some bunnies on their trail, and they waited for them to move further away from them. They were guests, they couldn’t harm the forest’s inhabitants, Hyunjin could now understand Chan’s words better. Chan extended his arm out as a motion to stop their little company, there were a few deer close by, not really minding them at all. These deer weren’t the ones with the golden eyes, and they were… normal-sized. Hyunjin wished he could get a glimpse of the king of the forest by the end of the day. A frog croaked in the bushes, another joined the croaks as they continued their travel along the stream. Mushrooms, polypores, at first glance everything was like in the real world, but when Hyunjin took another look… not so much.

The stream led them to a little cliff before pouring down to a pond in a little waterfall, sunlight seeped through the leaves and danced against the gently rippling water. Seungmin gasped, there was a small, dog-looking animal on the other side of the pond, drinking water. It just wasn’t a dog, it was forest green, and it had taken Hyunjin a few moments to spot it. He couldn’t believe his eyes, he had to pinch himself, it didn’t hurt, he wasn’t insane (or perhaps he was), this was reality and Chan had ordered him to just roll with it nearly two weeks ago, so Hyunjin did. They descended down the cliff, Seungmin nearly slipped but Hyunjin caught him by his arm (and blushed and hoped it wasn’t visible and Changbin snorted). Hyunjin realized soon that the trees had… grown in height. They were much bigger here than closer to the house, untouched. Reached high to the sky, so high Hyunjin swore he couldn’t see the ends. Just as he was about to take the next step, Changbin grabbed him by the back of his shirt and yanked backwards. Hyunjin nearly shrieked, but kept his mouth shut.

Changbin motioned down, and there was… a circle. Made of some white mushrooms and a few toadstools. What were those called again? Fairy circles! Hyunjin cocked his eyebrow at Changbin, surely there weren’t any fairies around here, but Changbin lifted his finger to his lips and motioned Hyunjin to stay quiet and listen. So Hyunjin did, listened attentively, strained his ears to hear anything out of ordinary, but just birds and the wind and the animals and- singing?

Faint singing, so faint it was hard to hear if one didn’t focus specifically on it. Almost like little windchimes in the air. Hyunjin couldn’t believe it! The singing sounded like it came from everywhere around him, at the same time really far, but still so very close to him.
“Avoid the circles unless you want to be wedded to the fairy queen”, Changbin mumbled.
“How do you know I’d be wedded to the fairy queen?”
“It’s a saying. You wouldn’t, they’d probably just deem you as an intruder and kill you.”
A shiver went down Hyunjin’s spine.
“But aren’t they tiny?”
“And vicious as hell.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah.”

Toadstools sizes of actual stools, wind had picked up a little, gently trifled through Hyunjin’s locks every now and then. Or perhaps it wasn’t wind, Hyunjin couldn’t see any of the trees or bushes moving with it. For some reason the thought didn’t scare him. It probably should have.
“I think the clearing is behind that cliff”, Hyunjin could hear Felix muttering to Chan, who nodded. It was probably funny to them, how Hyunjin and Seungmin were goggly-eyeing everything, mouths wide open and being amazed by every little thing, and they were so used to it. But perhaps, even if Hyunjin was amazed by all of this around him, he still couldn’t help his gaze always lingering on Seungmin, back to Seungmin, always on Seungmin. His heart made little cartwheels every time Seungmin nudged at his side and pointed at something. The wonder in his eyes made Hyunjin’s insides ache, and not in an unpleasant way. Goodness, he really was falling. Hard. Harder than ever before, now that he actually… knew Seungmin better. Now that he could call him properly his friend.

They rose on another hill, that, as Felix had said, led them to a clearing full of wildflowers. In the middle of the clearing were… levitating rocks. No. Islands. Small islands of… the ground. There were flowers growing on them, the ones lower were bigger, the ones higher smaller, they created another tiny waterfall. Just, hanging in the air like that. Where did the water come from? Hyunjin shook his head. This made no sense, yet it made perfect sense. Floating small islands on air.
“Steps to heaven”, Changbin mumbled by Hyunjin’s ear.
“Huh?”
The boy shook his shoulders. “Don’t know. That’s how Chan calls them.” Steps to heaven. Very sensible. Hyunjin wanted to throw himself into the flowers and sleep on the clearing for an eternity, but he didn’t because he had no idea what would wait for him in between the flowers. They followed a small trail through the clearing, Hyunjin could swear the singing got louder every once in a while, just to nearly disappear again.

“Here!” Felix sounded delighted as they reached the end of the clearing and stepped into the woods again. He crouched down, reached for the growth on the ground. And sure there was, even Hyunjin could recognize them, shrubs of blueberries. And there were a lot of them.
“They’re flourishing”, Seungmin muttered.
“They are!
Something buzzed by Hyunjin’s ear, Changbin used Hyunjin as a supportive pillar as he emptied his shoe of pine needles. Felix walked around, careful of his steps.
“The lingonberries are flourishing, too! Oh, I can’t wait for these to grow!” Neither could Seungmin, by the looks of it. Hyunjin wondered if they’d all take a trip to pick the berries once they’d be ready. That would be fun.

Hyunjin took his water bottle from his backpack and drank from it, how long had they even walked? It felt like at least an hour and a half, yet not that much at the same time. Perhaps it was all the hills and the cliffs, that’s why the travel felt so long. It was easy to lose the track of time and the way you were going in here, but Hyunjin had faith in the compass in Chan’s hand. And him in general. He had said he knew his way around the forest, after all. Changbin stretched, so did Hyunjin.
“Did we have any other business here?” Chan asked, clearly from Felix, who shook his head.
“Nah, I just wanted to see if the blueberries were doing alright since the spring was so cold. And I wanted to see Seungmin’s face when he’d see… absolutely everything for the first time.”
Hyunjin couldn’t help the giggle escaping his lips, Seungmin stuck his tongue out at Felix.
“Alright. Snack time, then?” Chan nodded towards the clearing behind them.

Then it was snack time. They sat, all of them, at the clearing, listening to the little waterfall streaming down, the wind in the trees and the distant singing, that still sounded like windchimes to Hyunjin. What if all windchimes were just the fairies singing? Amazing. His sandwich tasted good, Jisung had packed them for their little trip, he had even given them all some berries since this would be their lunch.

And maybe, just maybe, sitting in there, in silence, munching to his sandwich, Seungmin next to him, Hyunjin felt a tingle of happiness. True happiness, in between all those layers of longing and grief and confusion and sadness, there was a tinge of happiness. This wasn’t so bad, sitting here, in these woods with these people. The only thing that would have made the situation better was that all eight of them would have been there. And Hyunjin’s paren- no. No time for that, not now.

There was happiness in him, somewhere deep, but it was there. It was possible to… get better. To get rid of the ache in his chest. Seungmin’s leg brushed against Hyunjin’s and Hyunjin nearly gasped. God, he really needed to get it together, otherwise he would end up becoming the most obvious mess ever, and he didn’t want that.

“Everybody ready?” Chan asked as he adjusted his backpack’s straps on his shoulders. Hyunjin took his own from the ground, Seungmin nodded, and together they headed over the clearing again, to the way they had come from. A hill, back into the forest, birds singing, it was peaceful, Felix looked incredibly happy by the little trip.
“Stop”, Chan suddenly hissed, and everyone stopped.

And there it finally was. In between some trees, on a higher ground compared to the five of them. The enormous stag with golden eyes. It was staring right at them. Hyunjin’s breath got caught in his throat. The forest seemed to fall silent for a brief moment, not even a leaf moved, but Hyunjin couldn’t feel any danger lingering around them. The stag wasn’t… scary. Or evil. It was just… watching over them.

Soon it turned its head, and disappeared back into the woods, and the world seemed to continue turning around them. Hyunjin took a breath in, Seungmin looked terrified and delighted at the same time.
“Damn, been awhile since I saw that thing.” Changbin was the first to break the silence.
“Could be because Hyunjin and Seungmin are with us. It likes to… greet new people”, Chan mumbled, before glancing at his compass and continuing walking towards the next little dell on their way.

Peace fell all around them once again, they arrived at the pond, rose up the cliffside, the way was a bit steep, and then the peace was broken. In front of Hyunjin, Seungmin’s foothold slipped, he yelped as he fell on the ground, hard, nearly kicking Hyunjin off balance during the process, Hyunjin had to support himself against the tree trunk next to him, otherwise he would have ended up in the pond headfirst.
“Ow. Owowow”, Seungmin moaned, but scrambled up; “I’m okay, I’m alright!”
“No. No you’re not.” A somewhat horrified look fell over Felix’s features. Hyunjin didn’t understand what was going on at first, but then he saw the fabric of Seungmin’s pants turning red from his knee, and not very slowly.
“Fucking hell”, Seungmin cursed.

“Get up here, quickly”, Chan motioned, Changbin ushered Hyunjin to follow along. The peace seemed to be gone. Seungmin limped, Hyunjin noticed, and when they finally got to the clifftop, he forced the boy to sit on a fallen tree trunk, before rolling the hem of his trousers up.
“Changbin?”
“On it.”
Changbin knelt down next to Seungmin and it was now that Hyunjin realized he was also standing next to Seungmin and he just had to glance at the dripping, intense looking gash on his knee and his legs nearly gave out under him. Suddenly Seungmin grabbed Hyunjin’s hand, squeezed it.
“Look away”, he mumbled, so Hyunjin did, his cheeks burning red.

“Be quick”, Chan muttered to Changbin, Hyunjin noticed Felix glanced at his and Seungmin’s interlocked hands and cocked his eyebrow, just a tiny bit, and Hyunjin looked away once again and pretended he didn’t see absolutely anything. Nothing but nature all around them. Nothing but trees and bushes and green. Hyunjin could hear a bottle cap opening, and then Seungmin’s hold in his hand tightened a lot, but not even a whimper left past his lips.

Then Hyunjin realized that he couldn’t really hear anything. The birds had fallen silent, for the second time today. He could still hear the stream rippling and Changbin opening a pack of gauze, but… nothing else. It was dead quiet all around them.
“Done.”
“Good. Seungmin, can you walk?”
Seungmin let go of Hyunjin’s hand and Hyunjin finally dared to turn his eyes back on the boy. There were some drops of blood on the ground. Seungmin stepped on the leg.
“It hurts, but not too bad, nothing is broken.”
“Good. We need to go.”

Seungmin looked confused, Hyunjin could feel fear gripping his insides as Changbin pushed his shoulder, ushered him forwards. Hyunjin noticed Changbin had taken his shotgun, it didn’t hang from its strap on his shoulder anymore, it was in his hands. So was Chan’s. What was going on? Chan’s steps were fast, he kept on glancing over his shoulder and around them, were they in a hurry? They were, weren’t they? What- what were they running from?

Seungmin was limping, constantly falling behind Felix’s and Chan’s steps who were walking in the front. By the terrified look on his face Hyunjin could tell that he, too, had realized the silence around them. Not even a branch cracked in the forest, it was dead quiet. No wind, no fairies, nothing, just the uneven breaths of the five boys and the impending doom lurking around them.
“Hurry”, Chan mumbled, glanced over his shoulder again. Hyunjin realized Changbin did the same, kept his attention in the forest around them. What were they searching? What were they looking for?

A little hill, down another, Hyunjin had no idea how far they were, he could feel cold sweat dripping down his back. They were in danger. Felix’s eyes told Hyunjin that they were in danger, and that danger had something to do with blood. The forest around them seemed a bit darker, yet sunlight was still streaming through the branches, calm and serene. Hyunjin didn’t feel calm and serene, he mimicked Chan, Changbin and Felix, kept on glancing around him, what were they running from? What was- what was in the forest? Something that thirsted for blood? Suddenly Hyunjin remembered what Seungmin had told Hyunjin, there were creatures here, those kinds that left carcasses behind, they had found human bones from the forest, they had found human bones from the forest!

And the panic started to engulf Hyunjin as well, wrap its cold hands around his throat, send shivers down his spine. Seungmin stumbled, nearly fell, his face was strained with pain, his movements were erratic. He was hurting. Perhaps something hadn’t broken, but his leg was certainly hurting, no time to panic, no, Hyunjin, stay calm, do it for Seungmin! He needed help! Another stumble, on a branch sticking from the ground, something cracked in the forest, far, but not too far, Hyunjin’s heart jumped to his throat, so he did what he seemed best at that moment and grabbed Seungmin by his hand, just to keep him steady and moving. Seungmin glanced at him, but he couldn’t muster a thank you from within him due to the gripping fear lingering around them, so he just nodded. Hyunjin took the lead, pulled Seungmin after him over another dell.

Another crack, Hyunjin’s heart was pounding through his chest, his palm felt clammy against Seungmin’s, but he didn’t let go. None of them stopped, they raced through the woods that did not seem so gentle and peaceful anymore with something chasing after them. What? What was it?! Hyunjin wanted to turn around, just as he was about to take a peek over his shoulder, Changbin hissed at him to keep going. He tried looking around, but the woods around him seemed… unfamiliar. The little stream had fallen behind many many steps ago, there was only a little trail ahead of them, Seungmin stumbled, but Hyunjin kept him from falling.

“We’re close!” Chan called out from the front, the woods seemed to get thicker, Hyunjin had to push branches out of his way, he hadn’t needed to do that when they had got into the forest, maybe they were on another trail, Hyunjin didn’t know, nothing seemed familiar, the woods were thick and dark and there was no longer sun streaming through the branches, and, and, and- maybe the woods were trying to keep them in.

A branch cracked somewhere close by, it was so quiet, dead quiet, Hyunjin could hear his blood pumping through his veins, he could feel the eerie atmosphere around him get thicker and more pressuring and one step two steps three steps, they were nearly running, Seungmin’s hand in his hold slipped a little so Hyunjin squeezed it more, he was not- he was not going to let go! Not here! Never! And then Hyunjin heard the most blood-seizing snarl he had ever heard in his life-

And they popped out of the woods into the clearing, so suddenly Hyunjin lost his footing and Changbin stumbled on him and Hyunjin pulled accidentally Seungmin down as well with a loud gasp and there were the three of them, on the ground, panting, as if they had run at least twenty kilometers within the last half an hour. They probably had. Or not, since they had been mostly walking.

Hyunjin scrambled to his knees, glanced back at the forest, and he could swear he saw a pair of eyes, large and wide, staring back at him for a brief moment, before the… the… thing turned around and it disappeared. Disappeared! The birds started singing again, Hyunjin could hear the bees buzzing in the flowers close by, someone was singing in the house.
“W-what the hell was that?”
“That… No idea. No fucking clue. They just do that. Come after blood.” Chan was also panting and leaning against the wall of the woodshed next to them. They had arrived back from the same trail they had initially taken. How had it seemed so… different? Hyunjin didn’t understand anything! Everything was so…! Just like that! Horrible!

Felix was squatting on the ground as the door opened and Jisung came running outside. He looked very delighted to see they were back, until he realized that there were no signs of joy on the five traveler’s faces. Just terror.
“Are you alright?” He asked, before Felix rose up and just nodded. Hyunjin had a feeling the question was directed more to Felix than all of them.
“Yeah, just… the forest being the forest again.”
“What happened?”
“Seungmin fell and got injured”, Changbin finally let go of his shotgun and swung it back on his shoulder. Hyunjin realized he was still on the ground and holding to Seungmin’s hand. He didn’t let go until he had helped the boy up. Minho and Jeongin arrived from the house, too.

“I… I’m sorry”, Seungmin spluttered, Hyunjin could see some tears glimmering in the corner of his eyes, and a sharp pain tore through his chest. This wasn’t his fault! Hyunjin wanted to hug him and tell him that but there were eyes on them and Hyunjin couldn’t do that so he took his hand. Again. And he wasn’t entirely sure if it wasn’t to support his own mental stability or Seungmin because what the fuck had just chased after them, they had seen absolutely nothing, just felt the danger and everything was so so much and if someone was going to yell at Seungmin Hyunjin would definitely start screaming right back at them right now immediately.
“It’s not your fault, Seungmin. Usually those… things leave us alone. They do come when they smell blood, but I’ve fallen plenty of times and scratched myself and only a few times I’ve had to run away from that… thing. It just happened to be close to us when you fell and smelled the blood. Usually nothing happens. It’s not your fault, don’t worry about that”, Felix patted Seungmin’s back.
“Are you all alright? Where’s- where’s Chan?” Minho mumbled, Hyunjin could hear the fear from his voice.
“I’m here, Minho, we are all alright, Seungmin is a bit scratched up from his knee, but otherwise everyone is alright. We weren’t hurt.”
Hyunjin could see how the tension from Minho’s shoulders disappeared immediately when he heard Chan’s voice.

Seungmin squeezed Hyunjin’s hand, Hyunjin squeezed back. He noticed the boy sniffling and quickly wiping his tears away, god, he must have felt so scared and still did and now he probably felt so bad too and oh dear Hyunjin did as well because Seungmin did and maybe everything hadn’t been overwhelming at first but sure as hell was now.
“It’s alright. It’s not your fault and we’re all okay”, Hyunjin whispered to Seungmin, who nodded, but kept his gaze on the ground.

Jeongin decided to be the one to break the nearly-pressuring silence with a clap of his hands and a smile on his face:
“Whew. Okay. Anyway, you got here just in time for afternoon tea, so let’s go! Felix, were the berries flowering yet?”

Chapter Text

Seungmin was quite a bit shaken, Hyunjin noticed it. Well, to be completely honest, so was everybody else. What on earth had lurked in those shadows and tried to get to Seungmin? Were there a lot of those things? What if they’d come to the yard! What if they’d attack the house in the dead of the night! What if, what if, what if! But that had never happened before, so maybe it wouldn’t happen in the future, either. Hyunjin had to hope that. For his and Seungmin’s sake.

That evening they went to bed early, not for any particular reason, they were just really tired after the day, the both of them, and Seungmin had a night guard shift coming up, and then it would be Hyunjin’s turn again. Changbin had checked Seungmin’s leg again (now Seungmin and Hyunjin had matching bruises, how romantic), his knee had been a bit swollen, it had most likely sprained, but not too badly, since Seungmin could still walk. The wound wasn’t all that bad, at least not as bad as Hyunjin’s.

But that hadn’t stopped Seungmin from limping down to the breakfast table the next morning and announcing Hyunjin that today they would follow Felix’s instructions and make the flowerbeds at the front side of the house flourish before the moon would turn to a new one. And Hyunjin had agreed, of course he had, he had promised Seungmin he’d tend to the flowers with him even if he damn well knew he didn’t know anything about gardening, because Hyunjin was a sap, and he’d agree to everything Seungmin would ever ask him. Changbin noticed that and winked at him, and Hyunjin nearly smacked a cereal bowl right across his face then and there (luckily, Seungmin didn’t notice that).

So now Hyunjin was outside, with green gardening gloves on, standing right next to Seungmin, when a tired-sounding Felix tried to explain to them what to do. Felix had had the night guard shift, but hadn’t been able to sleep much after it (he rarely did as it was hard for him to sleep if the sun was up, especially during summer, that’s how he had explained it). It was a bright morning, the sun was shining, the grass was still glittering with morning dew. The air smelled fresh, Hyunjin liked it. There were birds chirping in the trees nearby, Minho and Chan decided to leave for a morning stroll. Hyunjin could feel his hands getting clammy inside the rubber gloves already, and he hated it, but he hated dirt underneath his fingernails as well, so he’d have to keep them on.

Felix had found them some new flowers to plant, but first they’d have to weed all the bushes and flowerbeds, so that’s what they decided to do first.
“Be careful! Don’t wake the bees!” Felix reminded them, “Come wake me from my sleepy slumber if you need anything, Seungmin, you know the basics already and Hyunjin, you are quick to learn, you’ll do fine”, and after that, he turned on his heels and marched towards the back yard, and Hyunjin knew Jisung was sitting there, waiting for his dear darling to join him for a morning nap since morning naps were apparently the best kind of naps, according to Jisung.

So they got to work. Hyunjin just straight up sat on the grass next to one of the flowerbeds, Seungmin squatted down opposite to him with a grimace on his face, gave up, and sat down as well. Hyunjin felt sorry for him, his knee was probably hurting quite a lot.
“This grass is getting really long, maybe I should actually fix the lawnmower we have here”, Seungmin mumbled, as he pulled a few weeds from the bush. Hyunjin threw dead leaves to the bucket they had brought with them, along with a few dead branches from the bush.
“Or we’ll just bring one from the city?” Hyunjin suggested.
“Hm, that could work. Though, they’re really heavy and nature around us isn’t fond of cars, so…”
Right. Nature didn’t like cars. Whatever that meant, Hyunjin wasn’t really all that keen on finding out, if not liking something meant something similar to yesterday’s happenings.

Hyunjin pulled a few weeds off, Seungmin cursed under his breath as he accidentally poked himself in the face with a dead branch.
“Are you alright?” Hyunjin asked, softly.
“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine.”
“You were just… stirring in your sleep quite a bit.” Seungmin had nearly hit Hyunjin in the face and rolled over him. He hadn’t slept peacefully, as usually.
“Oh. Sorry, I guess I had… nightmares. I don’t remember.”
“No, no, it’s fine. I just wake up very easily and happened to notice you weren’t sleeping peacefully.”
“Do I usually sleep peacefully?”
“Yeah.”
“Have you been watching me sleeping?” A hint of amusement glimmered in Seungmin’s eyes, he grinned at Hyunjin as he threw a few weeds into the bucket. Hyunjin’s brain short-circuited.
“No! Nonono, I just… I, I, I just wake up easily! And you haven’t woken me up before, so you don’t- I haven’t-“
Seungmin’s laughter was bright and cheerful, it made Hyunjin’s heart do somersaults.
“I’m kidding, Hyunjin! It was a joke, don’t worry.”
Hyunjin’s face flushed red, or at least it felt hot. “S-sorry, I’m just… sometimes really bad at getting jokes…”
“Yeah. I’ve noticed that. And you don’t have to be sorry for that.”
“Sorry. I- I mean- I. Not sorry. Sorry, I’m just stupid.” And oh, there it was again, that ugly stir in his stomach that he hadn’t felt in a while. Or more like, in a few days. Stupid. Stupid little Hyunjin, who once again couldn’t get the joke.

“Hyunjin. You’re not stupid.”
Hyunjin lifted his gaze from the weeds, Seungmin was staring right at him, with a kind look in his face. Not accusatory, not pitying, just a kind look, open and honest and Hyunjin wanted to scream and break down right then and there.
“I know you aren’t, and don’t even try to tell me you are.”
Hyunjin opened his mouth, closed it, opened it again: “Yeah, but, I- I mean, c’mon, I’m not smart either, I don’t succeed in-“
“Academic success does not equal being smart. Being capable of adapting what you read from books to real life does not mean you’re smart. And not being able to do that does not mean you’re stupid. Just because you’re bad at math and school in general doesn’t mean you’re stupid. There’s so much more to being smart than just succeeding in school.”
“Yeah, but, I mean, my friends and-“
“Your friends always made you the butt of the jokes, I know that. And I’m sorry but I think your friends sucked big time for doing that, even if they’re good people. Hyunjin, you’re not stupid, no matter what they or the teachers or anyone has said to you, you have eye for games like no one else, you’re smart in strategies, you notice little things around you, you’re super sensitive to other people’s feelings and people around you in general. You’re not stupid, you’re just conditioned to think that because you don’t succeed in school like the people around you.”

Hyunjin stayed silent and tried to blink away the tears from his eyes. He knew Seungmin could see that, he was sitting there, maybe a meter away from him and studying his face.
“I-“
“Don’t. I know what you’re going to say next. You’re going to say you’re sorry for thinking you’re stupid.”
So Hyunjin closed his mouth. It was an automatic reaction, he always said sorry for stupid things and… Seungmin had noticed it. Did he think it was annoying? Oh my god, what if he thought it was annoying-
“And it’s not stupid to say sorry, okay? I know you do that a lot, I’ve noticed it, and I’m not going to ask you to stop it because it can be really hard. I just want you to know that you have nothing to be sorry for. I mean unless it’s something serious, of course, but you don’t have to apologize for not understanding something, no one is going to get mad at you if you don’t get a joke, no one’s going to be mad if they have to explain a joke. You don’t have to apologize for being you.”

There was a little knot tightening in Hyunjin’s throat, and he blinked away the tears again, and no one else had ever said something so kind to him and he honestly wanted to just burst to tears and hug Seungmin or something. How, how was he so kind? How was he so… like that?
“I- I’m… I don’t know what to say. Thank you?”, Hyunjin finally croaked and tried to look everywhere except Seungmin’s direction. Now he was embarrassed, too, he was crying over this stupid, no, not stupid thing and. God. Embarrassing. Hyunjin felt like someone was squeezing his heart.
“Look at me and repeat after me: I’m not stupid.”
So Hyunjin did as told, even if he could feel the tears pricking in his eyes and he was feeling a little overwhelmed again: “I’m not… stupid.”
“Good. Now start believing in it. Are you done with that side?”
“I… Yeah.”
“Great, let’s move on to the next bush.”

Hyunjin stood up and tried to shake all of the feelings from his shoulders, he couldn’t start feeling overwhelmed now, he had a job to do, for goodness sake! Seungmin fumbled a little, before sighing and extending his arm out.
“Help me up.”
So Hyunjin did. And dear lord did his hand fit so well into Seungmin’s.

***

Hyunjin didn’t understand it. He couldn’t understand how Seungmin was such a gift. So kind and smart and somehow he didn’t let the atmosphere turn awkward after the little outburst, maybe he noticed Hyunjin was feeling how he was feeling and changed the topic to this and that and they chatted about the flowers, Seungmin wanted some yellow flowers but Felix only had pink ones, maybe they’d go to the city in the upcoming days to see if there would be any more seedlings. Or maybe they would pick some forest, the woods around the house were lush, they didn’t even need to leave the periphery of the house to encounter some very interesting flowers. Then again, who knew what the forest would do if they’d just take something from there. Maybe they’d be wedded to the fairy queen, as Changbin had said it.

With Seungmin, Hyunjin found himself falling into a sense of nostalgia. Seungmin brought up a memory from the past, and that took Hyunjin with it, soon they were reminiscing that one time they had been in the same team at PE and someone had accidentally thrown a volley ball towards Seungmin so hard it collided against his head and broke his glasses. Hyunjin and Daehwi had brought Seungmin to the school nurse, and Seungmin had had to get himself new glasses (the ones he was currently wearing). The memory of Daehwi stung, but not so badly. Not so badly, because Seungmin was sitting right next to Hyunjin, grubbing through the mud of the flowerbeds, reminding that not everything was lost and not all hope was gone.

Then Hyunjin told Seungmin something dumb about him and Younghoon accidentally breaking into the locker rooms one time before PE and Seungmin asked how they had initially met and then Hyunjin told that story, too, and it stung worse than the memory of Daehwi, but Hyunjin didn’t let it show. And then they talked about the entire basketball team and Seungmin asked questions and Hyunjin answered and his insides fluttered every time he noticed Seungmin actually listened to him, even if he fumbled a bit with his words every now and then and didn’t urge him to hurry with his sentences and maybe it was nice.

It was all nice. So very nice. And for some reason, it was… relieving. Sure, it hurt, talking about the past, their normal lives, what they had left behind in the real world but at the same time it was relieving. Hyunjin hadn’t really… talked about anything after falling through that puddle, he had just kept it all inside and felt the pain alone, even if he damn well knew Seungmin was hurting just as badly. But it was relieving to let it out, just chat about the past without the bitter taste on his tongue, even if neither of them went to the details, nor anything too emotional.

Had Hyunjin started to accept this? That thought suddenly flashed through his mind. Had he started to accept that this was their reality now, had he started to let go? No. He wouldn’t let that happen. They’d get back, both of them, he and Seungmin, and continue their lives and then remember this place with great fondness in the future. This was just… a passing thing. Hyunjin would get to meet his family. He would. He’d have to.

“You two, lunch is ready!” Chan’s voice resonated through the yard.

***

The lunch table was a bit on the quiet side today, Chan had made them lunch and there was so much of it that it would most likely last for at least two days, if not more. Hyunjin and Seungmin were sitting side by side, the air felt languid, it was one of those slow days when no one had anything important to do. Not that they had much actually important things to do at all, really, but Chan had said that sometimes they’d just make things seem important just for the sake of doing important things. Apparently it kept life interesting, which Hyunjin could very well understand.

Mindless, quiet chit-chat, sunlight warmed Hyunjin’s back through the window. Seungmin would have to go take a nap before evening and then Hyunjin would have nothing to do again. Maybe he’d go for a run, just to get his mind off things.
“I was thinking of visiting the city today, anyone want to come with me?” Chan then asked, eyeing the seven people around him. Jeongin shook his head, so did Jisung. Hell, why not?
“I can”, Hyunjin mumbled, Chan nodded.
“I’ll come, too”, Changbin announced. No one else said anything, so apparently it would be just the three of them.
“Go see if there are any seedlings or something in the flower shops”, Seungmin muttered to Hyunjin and Hyunjin nodded.
“What kind do you want?” He asked.
“Any kind are fine. Just make sure that they’re the ones that grow during summers.”
“Alright.”

And after half an hour, the trio was out of the door. Hyunjin had once again his gym back on his shoulder, Changbin had a backpack, so did Chan. The forest around them was quiet, it never was all that loud during mid-day, Hyunjin had noticed. The trees gave them a nice shadow to walk under, the sunlight didn’t feel as scorching as usually. They were quiet, and maybe it was a little pressuring, because Hyunjin hadn’t really spent all too much time with Chan and now it was just the three of them.

They turned to the little trail to the bigger one, walked alongside each other, Chan and Changbin began chatting quietly and Hyunjin didn’t know how to take part in the conversation. He didn’t even know why. Why was Chan’s presence suddenly so pressuring when Changbin’s was anything but that?
“So, Hyunjin, how are you holding up?” Chan then voiced, he walked in the middle, Hyunjin was on the left side. The question had caught him a bit off guard.
“Me? Oh, I’m, I’m fine, I guess.”
“Yesterday didn’t scare you too much?”
“No, not really. I mean, Seungmin told me there’s all kinds of stuff in the forest so… I don’t think I’m traumatized by that.” Hyunjin cracked the leader-figure a smile. Leader-figure. Huh. Well, to be honest, he was a leader-figure. A bit distant, but somehow always aware of everything.
“That’s good. Yeah, we don’t usually encounter those kinds of things, usually it’s safe to move around the forest close to the house.”
“What about deeper in the forest?”
“Not so much. Not because of the creatures, it’s just very easy to get lost. The forest seems like… It feels like changing all the time. I don’t know how to explain it better.”
“Huh. I see.”

“How are you doing otherwise? I mean, this has been a big change for you.”
“It’s been a big change for Seungmin, too…” Hyunjin mumbled before he could stop himself.
“I know that, but I’m talking about you, not him.” There was something in Chan’s voice that Hyunjin didn’t like. Or more of, there was something in his voice that sounded like he knew and Hyunjin didn’t like that.
“I am… I’m doing alright.” Not really. “Somewhat. It’s getting better.”
“That’s good.”
“I’m just… missing my parents and… other things like that”, Hyunjin mumbled, he decided to be honest. What was the point of lying, there were no secrets in the house, everyone could see that Hyunjin was still hurting and missing his parents (or that’s how he felt like).
“That’s normal. It will pass.”
But Hyunjin didn’t want it to pass. He wanted to go home.

The conversation turned to another topic, Hyunjin felt a bit shy but took part in it, nevertheless. They arrived at the city, passed Hyunjin’s house and Hyunjin refused to look at it. Some cars had moved places but were still covered with greenery. It was quiet, and Hyunjin figured he’d never get used to the silence in the city. Chan mentioned something about how they had first discovered the town with Jeongin and it had looked completely different. There hadn’t been that many cars, the roads in the center had been paved with cobblestones instead of asphalt. Hyunjin couldn’t even imagine the town looking like that.
“How did you… find this place? I mean, Jeongin told me how you two found each other and told me you just… drove around a lot.”
“Exactly like that, we drove around, followed signs from city to city, tried to find a place to stay. Back then I was sort of… tired of running and just wanted to settle somewhere, so when we found the house, I decided we’d stay there at least for a while. For a while turned to a lot more and now we’re still here. It’s a pain trying to find livable houses here, unless you have a whole… community and there are people who know how to make sure your water is alright, and electricity is running and all that.”
“Where do we get our water?”
“From the well in the orchard. It’s ground water.”
“Alright.” So many things to take care of, whew. Hyunjin hoped their house would stay as it was for as long as he’d be in the realm.

A signpost caught Hyunjin’s attention as they passed by a street corner.
“Are we in a hurry?” He asked.
“Not really, it’s still early. How so?”
“Can we… can we visit the university?”
Chan and Changbin glanced at each other and nodded: “Sure.”

Together they rose the hill to the university, a question popped to Hyunjin’s head:
“How did you get here, by the way? I mean, I know how everyone else did, basically, but since you’ve been here the longest, I just thought…”
“I’m not completely sure.” Oh. Alright. “Or well… Sort of am, sort of am not.” Hyunjin noticed the change in Chan’s tone, and immediately regretted asking. He sounded… sad. “I was on a ship with my sister, we were going to see some relatives. Something happened along the way and… there was no one in the harbor waiting for us. Not a single soul anywhere, the little city was abandoned, it was just the people in the ship, no one else. I think the entire ship fell through a window in the middle of the sea or something, since water is reflective and… yeah.”
Community. Jeongin had said Chan had looked like absolutely garbage when he had first met him. And he had had a sister with him… She wasn’t around anymore, was she? Same thing had happened to Chan as had happened to Jeongin, right?

Fuck. Hyunjin shouldn’t have asked.

But he forgot the feeling when they finally reached the top of the hill. Because for some reason the university looked almost exactly like in the real world. Perhaps it was because the older buildings were already old, some of them were already covered with moss and ivy. The yard was overgrown and cluttered, there were cars left to rot in the parking lot. Otherwise everything was as it had been. Hyunjin fell silent as he walked through the yard, passed by some of the buildings, that was where they had their language classes, that was the one with the computer classrooms they were free to use.
“Did you go to school here?” Changbin asked. Hyunjin nodded, as he led them towards the main building. He could see the outside basketball court in the far back, and if he was completely honest, he wanted to cry. He wished Seungmin would have been there with him.

Hyunjin rose the stoned stairs to the main building, pushed a few ivies aside as he stepped into the hallway. The heavy doors made of wood had broken down, rain had rotted the red carpets in the hallway.
“Wow. I’ve never been inside in here”, Changbin mumbled. Their footsteps sounded hollow. Hyunjin had never seen the university so quiet. So silent. Usually there was so much noise echoing in the hallways, laughter, yelling, music from the music class down the hall. Hyunjin let his fingertips run along the stoned walls, the glass on the picture frames had broken in some places, Hyunjin was careful enough to not step on them. Sunlight streamed through the broken windows and reflected against the shards of glass, danced against the walls, lit up the darkest corners.

Chan and Changbin followed Hyunjin quietly as he walked through the endless hallways.
“This place is a goddamn maze”, Changbin mumbled as Hyunjin turned around yet another corner. He felt so… lonely. In a nostalgic way. This was so… odd and off-putting and his university wasn’t supposed to be this silent. Hyunjin wondered if the classes were filled with people in the real world right now. Was it even daytime there? It could have been night as well. Were Hyunjin’s friends missing him? Maybe. Maybe not. Hyunjin couldn’t think about that right now.

Another flight of stairs led them to the second floor, the steps were a bit creaky and Changbin looked at them a bit suspiciously, before following after Hyunjin. Hyunjin rounded the corner, stepped through the wide doorway to the library. Everything was the same yet not. Some of the windows were broken, it had rained in and a few of the bookshelves had fallen down, scattering books all over the place. Hyunjin walked up to one of the tables in the middle of the library, bent down and nearly bursted to laughter (while feeling the sharp pain of longing stab through him). ‘Younghoon was here’, that’s what had been carved into the table, beside a ‘Hyunjin too’. That had been one long ass project they had been part of, and perhaps the both of them had been quite disinterested in it and not focused during the group sessions.

“What are you looking at?” Chan asked, amused by Hyunjin’s expression.
“Just some memories”, Hyunjin mumbled as he rose up. He looked around the library, a few paintings had fallen down, the huge tapestry from the back wall had fallen down and- was that a door?
“What the hell?” Hyunjin whispered to himself as he stepped over a large of books.
“Hm?”
“I didn’t know there was a door in here.” Hyunjin approached the door, pushed the fallen tapestry aside a bit. He glanced at Chan and Changbin, as a reassurance that he should try opening the door, and got a curious nod from Chan. Hyunjin grabbed the doorknob and twisted it, but the door didn’t budge. Hyunjin twisted it again, tried pushing and pulling it, he heard something from inside. Then he threw his entire weight on the door, and it finally gave in and opened with a loud crack. Hyunjin was immediately engulfed with a puff of dust and air so old it was hard to breathe.

Hyunjin nearly doubled over with the power of his coughs, Chan patted his back, dear lord was it dusty in here! When the coughs finally stopped, Hyunjin stepped over the threshold into the room. A room behind the library. A room that Hyunjin had had no idea existed.

Or did it exist?

It was dark, the air was stale but dry, Changbin dug through his backpack and found a flashlight, and with it he lit up the room. Hyunjin noticed a sliver of light coming from the opposite wall, he approached it, felt around until his fingers touched something soft. He moved the curtain aside, accidentally tearing the entire thing off, and the room was lit up with sunlight. He let the curtain drop to the ground.
“Damn”, Chan breathed out and Hyunjin turned around.

The room wasn’t big, not at all. There were a few old bookshelves on the walls, a cabinet, they were clearly older than the ones in the actual library. In the middle of the room was a table, there were books, some notes and a typewriter on it, all covered with a thick layer of dust. Spiderwebs in the corners, some sort of bottles, cushions, armchairs. This room was old. As old as the university. Then Hyunjin remembered all the rumors, there were hidden rooms in the walls, someone had once counted the windows from the outside and from the inside, and the numbers didn’t match. Why had this room been hidden? Were there more places like this in the university? What about the other places, other old buildings in the town?

But those things faded from his mind, when his eyes traveled to the wall opposite to him. There was a chalkboard, and on it was some faded writing. Hyunjin couldn’t make out the words from the dust, but he didn’t care about the words.

He cared about the circles.

Circles, overlapping each other. He had seen them before. In the notebook, he had just scrolled past the pages, but he had seen those same circles. What did they mean? Why were they here, and why were they there? What the hell? Did they mean something? Did the circles hold meaning other than being just… circles?

Or maybe they were just drawings from the real world. But- but- so many questions!
“What are you looking at?” Changbin mumbled, he was poking around some books on the table.
“I think I’ve seen those circles before…” Hyunjin breathed out. Chan carefully wiped a bit of the dust off, but some of the chalk left with it.
“No, don’t!” Hyunjin hurried to stop him. Chan raised his eyebrow at him as a question.
“I want to… show this to Seungmin. I didn’t know there was a room here. And I thought I knew everything about the university…”
“Alright”, Chan shrugged, pressed one of the typewriter keys down. The thing didn’t budge, it was probably broken due to time.

The trio looked around a little, Hyunjin didn’t dare to touch the books, they were clearly old and frayed and they could break, and Hyunjin had a feeling they held something important in them. He didn’t know why. Or maybe it was the circles. Or maybe he was just being stup- no. Maybe he was just looking for things that weren’t actually there.
“I don’t think there’s anything interesting here”, Changbin mumbled after a while, and Hyunjin knew they’d have to continue their trip.
“Mhm, I’ll come check this out with Seungmin at some point.”
“Do you want to check out the rest of the place?” Chan asked Hyunjin.
“Nah, it’s going to take an entire day if we’ll go through the entire campus. It’s the same as it was, just… abandoned.”
“Things have the tendency to be like that in here”, Chan cracked Hyunjin a smile as they walked back into the library. Hyunjin hummed as an answer and closed the door after himself, just to keep… everyone else out of the room. And not let the moist air ruin the books and all that, since the room had clearly been closed for a long time.

“Should we go to visit some stores, then? Didn’t Seungmin say you were going to get some seedlings for the bushes in the front?”
“Yeah.”
“Great, we’ll visit some flower shops, then. And I want to visit some music stores, I think I want to learn how to play piano.” Chan said as they descended the stairs back to the lobby of the university.
“Oh? Seungmin knows how to play, he can teach you, I think. At least the basics, just ask him.”
“You seem to know a lot about Seungmin.” Chan had a gentle grin tugging the corner of his mouth.
“Y-yeah, I mean, we’re friends. And have gone to school together. And it’s a small town.” Completely believable. Hyunjin just had a great memory!
“Alright, I’ll ask him. I’ve already learned how to play the guitar, or at least I think so since I don’t really have anyone to guide me, but I’d like to think I have ear for music, and my playing sounds pretty decent, so…”
They walked out of the university, Hyunjin pushed his hands into his pockets. Chan was nice to listen to. Hyunjin didn’t know how to explain it, he just was.
“Can you play anything?” The boy asked him.
“Just basketball”, Hyunjin joked. “Nah, not really. I did go to piano lessons when I was a kid, but I can’t really remember anything.”
“That’s cool.”
“Yeah.”

Changbin asked if they could go to that one houseware store, he wanted a new coffee machine, one of those capsule ones. Chan said yes, so Hyunjin said yes, too. The sun was still high up, they weren’t in a hurry of any kind (especially since Hyunjin knew Seungmin would be sleeping through the afternoon and he didn’t want to go disturb him, but he was also itching to tell him what had happened and what he had found from the university). A few clouds drifted across the sky, they walked down the hill leading to the city center. Wind trifled through the trees, sent a few dead leaves across the road. It was peaceful. It always was. Chan and Changbin were chatting away, they turned from a street corner to another, walked along the asphalted roads.

Abandoned cars, broken windows, Hyunjin had learned by now to watch his step especially in the center. He wondered what kind of flowers he’d buy for him and Seungmin. No, not buy, just take.

Until something caught his attention. Hyunjin stopped on his tracks in front of a bus stop, it took him a moment to understand, then he felt a surge of fear wash over him, along with a sense of relief. A sharp pain of longing, sharper than it had ever been struck through him, he felt the tears pricking his eyes. He was staring right at the bus stop window next to him, and it felt like air had been punched out of his lungs.

“D-dad?”

Chapter Text

“D-dad?” Hyunjin breathed out.

Right there, in the bus stop window, was standing his dad. His father. He looked just the same, only… grieving. There were dark circles underneath his eyes, he was gripping the case in his hand that he always brought to work with him. He was staring in, he was staring… through the window.

And then he seemed to notice Hyunjin. His gaze focused, he squinted his eyes, a little crease appeared in between his eyebrows. He took a small step back. Hyunjin took a step closer. His father gasped, as he realized, who was staring at him from the reflection. Hyunjin took another step forward, then surged towards the window, reached out,

and the picture disappeared. Gone. Hyunjin’s palm met the cold glass of the bus stop.
“Dad?” he yelled out but got no answer. Only silence, all around him.
“Dad!” he screamed again, hit the glass window, he could hear it breaking under his fist, he could feel his skin ripping from his knuckles. He had to get through, why couldn’t he get through! His dad had been there, he had been on the other side, the door had been open! If Hyunjin had just, if he had just-

He yelled in frustration, hit the glass again, fell on his knees along with the shards of glass. He could feel the tears brimming in his eyes, the sobs breaking through his chest. He had been so close, so close, if he had just been faster, if his father would have reached out to him, he would have, he would have, he would have finally got home, he would have been able to hug his father and his mother and get his normal life back and-

“Hyunjin! Hey, hey, Hyunjin!” Hyunjin felt someone grabbing his shoulders, pulling him away from the now-broken bus stop window. The shards of glass rattled underneath their steps against the asphalt.
“Hey, hey, what happened?” Chan pulled Hyunjin up from the ground. Hyunjin could feel something warm dripping down his hand. Hyunjin lurched forward, he wasn’t- he didn’t- he couldn’t-.

Hyunjin took a dragged breath in before bursting to tears, covering his face with his hands. Chan pulled him into a hug, within a matter of seconds Changbin was there to pat his back as Hyunjin let Chan hug him. He had seen, oh my god, the door had been open, it had been open, if he had just been fast enough, he would have, he would have got home!
“Hey, what did you see?” Chan whispered as he petted Hyunjin’s hair, cradling him closer. “Talk to us, Hyunjin.”
“I- I- I-“, Hyunjin managed to mumble in between the sobs. “I… I saw my d-dad”, he whimpered, and saying it out loud broke his heart into a million pieces.

“And, and, I think. I think he recognized me.”
“Of course he did, he’s your father”, Chan mumbled, his voice gentle.
“N-no, I…” But, but, but-.
“We need to get you patched up again, Hyunjin”, Changbin squeezed his shoulder, gently. “Made a little mess out of that bus stop, tough guy.”
“I-“ Hyunjin couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t just. He just, he couldn’t, yet another sob broke through him, he let himself press his head against Chan’s shoulder, he needed something comforting, something to focus on.
“It’s alright, Hyunjin”, he whispered next to his ear. “It will all be alright.”

When? When! When was Hyunjin going to get back? When was this aching in his chest going to stop breaking him into pieces?! When would he see his parents again, meet his friends, swim in the lake with Younghoon at four o’clock on a Saturday night with the sun slowly painting the horizon lighter blue? When was this all going to end?!

Chan continued petting his hair until Hyunjin’s sobs started to ease down, Changbin didn’t let go of his shoulder, either. Finally Hyunjin lifted his head from Chan’s shoulder, tried to take a deep breath in. Embarrassing. Horrible. He didn’t even properly know the guy and here he was, just sobbing against his shoulder by the sight of his father.

Had Seungmin felt like this?

Had Seungmin felt the same thing when he had seen Hyunjin?

Probably not, they weren’t close. Or, well, they hadn’t been… well, not that they were all that close now.
“Everything okay?” Chan asked, kindly, still holding to Hyunjin’s shoulders. Hyunjin took another rugged breath and nodded, before glancing at his hands. The lights flickered in his eyes, he staggered, and would have fallen if it wasn’t the grip Chan had of him.
“Nu-uh, don’t look.” Changbin took Hyunjin’s hand in his own and turned his head in another direction. Which wasn’t all that good, either, because Hyunjin had got blood on Chan’s shoulder. His legs felt like jelly. His knuckles were bleeding.

“Are you hurting? Do you feel pain somewhere else besides your hand?” Changbin asked, Hyunjin shook his head. He didn’t know. He didn’t really, he couldn’t focus on anything, he just… His dad had been there. He had seen Hyunjin. He had recognized Hyunjin!
“Can you walk?”
Hyunjin nodded, took a few wobbly steps. He felt Changbin’s arm circling around his waist to keep him from falling.
“Alright, let’s get you patched up again.”

***

After a bunch of plasters on Hyunjin’s knuckles, a chocolate bar and a few wet wipes to get most of the blood from his face and his clothing, they had continued their travel. Hyunjin had walked in a fog, he had forgot which plants Seungmin had asked for, and only took a few that looked alright. The entire time he had hoped Seungmin would have been there with him. The walk back to the house had taken an eternity, or that’s how it had felt to him.

“Are you guys alright? What happened?” Jeongin asked first as they arrived through the door.
“Did something happen?” Minho hurried from the dining hall to the hallway. It didn’t go unnoticed, how Chan once again reached for him, reassuring him that they were all fine, Hyunjin was just a little shaken. Hyunjin dropped his bag on the floor and was just about to walk up the stairs, as Jeongin held him by his shoulder.
“Seungmin is still asleep.”
Hyunjin simply nodded and followed the others to the dining hall. Chan went to unload some groceries they had got, Hyunjin sat down on the sofa, he didn’t… he didn’t feel like talking. To anyone. About anything.

Chan briefed the others of what had happened, Jisung and Felix were outside, the day was bright, Jeongin brought some afternoon soda to Hyunjin.
“Are you okay?” He asked, Hyunjin simply nodded and took the soda can. He tried to muster up a smile and focus on Jeongin. Felix and Jisung joined them, they, too, heard what happened, and Felix gave him an apologetic smile. Hyunjin didn’t like this. Not the… the whole situation, nor the pitiful looks he was given. He just wanted to curl up on the sofa and cry and disappear and! Not be there! Be at home!

He still drank his soda, sat quietly in the corner of the sofa, the afternoon tea break was over soon, and all of them went to their own doings. Jisung and Felix disappeared back outside, they were weeding out the vegetable garden. Minho and Chan left for a little walk, Hyunjin decided to help Jeongin with some chores. They did them all silently. Hyunjin didn’t feel like talking, his head was just buzzing with too many thoughts and his father had been there and seen him and recognized him and soon Hyunjin was sitting on that sofa again, staring at his knuckles, fiddling with the hair ties around his wrist. He didn’t know what to do. How to act. He was so overwhelmed!

And he wanted Seungmin. He needed Seungmin. He just… he needed some confirmation that he wasn’t being stupid. These people, they… they just didn’t… they didn’t understand. They didn’t understand the ache in Hyunjin’s chest, the bond he had had with his parents. They didn’t understand his yearning to go back home.

After maybe an hour of disjointed conversation with Jeongin and Minho, as the sky started to turn to deeper orange, Hyunjin heard footsteps from the second floor. After that, as the steps descended to the first floor, he heard some mumbling, he could recognize Chan’s voice and a “what?!” croaked by Seungmin, and after that the steps, now much more hurried, approached from the hallway and Seungmin appeared from the doorway. He hurried over to Hyunjin before kneeling in front of him.

“I heard what happened. Are you alright?” He took Hyunjin by his hand, glanced at the red, bruised knuckles covered with bandages, before reaching out to tug a fallen strand of hair behind Hyunjin’s ear. Hyunjin wanted to say yes, he wanted to reassure Seungmin that he was fine and everything was fine, but he didn’t. He could feel a knot tightening in his throat, as he shook his head, just a bit, barely noticeable.

Seungmin pulled him into a hug, so tight Hyunjin was almost sure he was trying to piece Hyunjin back together. Hyunjin pressed his forehead against Seungmin’s shoulder, hugged him back, took in a ragged breath, his lower lip quivered. The tears didn’t fall, he tried to keep them at bay, just keep himself a bit more collected than usually.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t there”, Seungmin whispered, tightening the hug, just a bit. Hyunjin shook his head, it wasn’t his fault, of course it wasn’t!

“He. Seungmin, he recognized me”, he finally managed to croak out. “He saw me, too.”
For a split second an apologetic expression flashed over Seungmin’s features, as he pulled himself out of the hug.
“Are you sure?” He asked.
Hyunjin nodded his head, almost frantically. Seungmin sighed, hugged Hyunjin again, this time not as tightly.
“We’ll talk about this tomorrow better, okay?”

***

Hyunjin couldn’t sleep.

Of course he couldn’t. What a surprise! The empty space next to him felt all too concrete, the moonlight streaming into the room through the crack in the curtains kept Hyunjin awake. That, and the thoughts swarming inside his head, not leaving him alone even for a second, not letting him breathe even for a moment. Hyunjin tossed and turned, too hot, too cold, he had seen his dad, too noisy, his dad had recognized him, he had to sleep, he had a night shift tomorrow, his leg hung out of the bed, maybe a demon would catch him by his leg so Hyunjin pulled his leg away to safety, his dad had seen him, he couldn’t sleep!

Hyunjin sighed in frustration as he rose up to a sitting position, blindly reached for a hair tie on the nightstand on his side of the bed. He had messed up Seungmin’s sheets with his restless shenanigans. Hyunjin tied his hair to a messy ponytail, just to untie it, and then tie again, because he couldn’t sleep. He had to. He had to talk.

So he rose up, twisted the doorknob and opened the door to the hallway. He tiptoed all the way to the downstairs, careful not to make any sounds. He could hear Jeongin snoring through the door. As he reached the first floor, he took a spare blanket from the drawers next to the door outside (meant exactly for those who wanted to sit outside during the starry nights), he was in his pajamas and knew the night would most likely be a bit cold for him to just hang around in a t-shirt and some shorts. Hyunjin wrapped the blanket around himself, twisted the doorknob, and stepped outside.

There was no one sitting on the porch.

Hyunjin could feel his throat tightening.

“S-Seungmin?” he called out, quietly. He only heard the woods around him, something rustled in the bushes close by. Seungmin’s book was still on the porch’s table, but the boy was gone. Where was he? Where was he?! Hyunjin paced around the porch, the panic quickly rising from the pits of his stomach, gripping him with cold, steely hands, where was he, where was Seungmin, had something happened, had the woods claimed him as one of their own? Where, where, where-

“Oh, Hyunjin!” Seungmin circled from behind the house to the front side, a flashlight in his hand. Hyunjin could feel his entire body relaxing, he let out a relieved sigh, Seungmin arched his eyebrow a bit confused.
“S-sorry, I, I thought something had… happened.” Hyunjin tightened the hold of the blanket around him as Seungmin stepped on the porch, looking a tad bit worried. He sat down on the sofa, and Hyunjin sat next to him, because now it would have been weird to sit on the other side because he was already on the sofa’s side of the porch and now he was overthinking everything.
“I was just checking the lines. There have been quite a few deer walking around tonight.”
“Oh.” That was nice.

“You can’t sleep, can you?” Seungmin asked, softly. Hyunjin shook his head, gazing at the quiet yard in front of them. He saw some silhouettes in the woods, glowing slightly green. No shadows.
“What happened? Chan told me that you saw your dad in the reflection of a bus stop and went ham over it.”
Hyunjin could feel his face heating up, just a bit.
“I… well, you could put it that way.” The memory, still clear in his head, hurt him. A lot. Ached in his chest, heaved him down.

“I saw my dad. In the reflection. You know those bus stops when you turn to the street that leads to the central library? I saw him there. And, Seungmin, he… he recognized me.” Hyunjin whimpered out the last words, before glancing at the boy next to him. He had that crease in between his eyebrows that always appeared when he was listening to something attentively.
“He saw me. I saw it from his face. He recognized me, and then I, I tried to reach for him, but… the door closed. The reflection disappeared.” Gone. Just like that. Nothing but glass.
“And then you got mad at the bus stop”, Seungmin chuckled, clearly trying to lighten the mood a little. And it was funny, Hyunjin could admit that.
“I… yeah. I got really mad at the world. I guess I tried to break through it to open the door again…”

Seungmin glanced at the bandages on Hyunjin’s knuckles again:
“Do they hurt?”
“A little.”
“You didn’t faint?”
“Almost…”
Seungmin snorted, but not that kind of mean snort, just very… kind. It made butterflies fly around Hyunjin’s insides. He looked so pretty in the moonlight.

“I just… I just really want to go home…” Hyunjin mumbled, turning his eyes back to the yard. As if embarrassed to say such a thing, even if he knew Seungmin knew exactly what Hyunjin wanted.
“I know.” Seungmin whispered. Something big seemed to walk in the forest, pass by the house as they sat in there, in silence. Hyunjin didn’t know what to say. He just wanted to go home. He really wanted to go home. With Seungmin.

“You know, you’re not the only one who keeps searching for the reflections”, Seungmin then muttered, breaking the silence. They had to keep quiet, they didn’t want to wake the others.
“Huh?” Great discussion, Hyunjin, wonderful work.
Seungmin smiled, perhaps a bit sadly: “I bet the others told you that I locked myself in our room for three days when I first arrived here.”
Hyunjin nodded.
“Yeah, I didn’t really eat, nor sleep, the others kept leaving lunch and dinner and breakfast behind my door, but I just… You know, I couldn’t eat, I was so lost and confused and all that and wanted to go home really badly. But, unlike you, I was so… crushed by all of that I couldn’t even really move. I just sat there, absolutely devastated and… I don’t even know. Hurt.”

Oh no. Hyunjin hadn’t even… Well, to be truthful, he had wondered what Seungmin had felt back then. He just hadn’t known it had been so… devastating for him. He was always so resilient and strong and… Maybe he wasn’t, after all. Not in this case.
“You know what I did on the third day? Stormed out of the door at the crack of dawn and ran back to the town. Tried every single door, every single window, tried to push and pull through, every single bus stop that I saw, I tried. Some of them were so frail and deteriorated that they broke just by a gentle push. I didn’t find it. I couldn’t find a door. Changbin and Chan found me sobbing on a sidewalk and led me back here. After that I didn’t… well, I guess I started adjusting. I felt really alone, since I didn’t know the people around, but…”

Hyunjin didn’t know what to say. He wanted to hold his hand and tell him that he was okay and all that, even if it would be useless.
“Then I saw you.”
Hyunjin turned his head quickly, Seungmin was looking right at him, moonlight glimmering in his eyes.
“In that bus stop window. I had just gathered myself and then I saw you, and you recognized me and I saw that you recognized me, and then everything just… fell apart again. I locked myself into our room for another day and cried myself to sleep for a few nights.”

Well, now Hyunjin felt absolutely awful. And Seungmin could feel that, because he nudged gently his shoulder.
“Don’t feel bad about it. You experienced the same today. I think that seeing you in that reflection also kept me somehow… sane, I guess. You reminded me of the real world and it somehow set something right. I guess it somehow… reminded me that the real world exists and I’m not dead or something and not all of it has been a hallucination or something.” Seungmin sounded slightly amused.

“After that I didn’t see you. But didn’t you say that you saw me?”
“Twice”, Hyunjin recalled. “In a bookstore window and on a puddle, just for a brief moment.”
“Hm, I couldn’t see you those times. Maybe I wasn’t paying enough attention.”

A slight silence fell. Hyunjin didn’t really… Would everything have been easier for Seungmin if he hadn’t seen Hyunjin?
“I just… I guess I’m trying to say that don’t feel bad for being sad about everything. Don’t feel bad for wanting to go back home and looking for doors and glimpses in the reflections. I did that. I still do that.”

Hyunjin nodded, gaze a bit downwards. He felt sad. Miserable. Bad. Yet still somehow alright. It was alright to feel that way, Seungmin had said so himself.
“You know, if you sit long enough in the same spot in the town and keep looking around, sometimes you can see the doors open. Just… glimpses of the real world. A car passing by in a reflection. Someone walking past a store window. The doors don’t last long, fractions of seconds, maybe.”
“Oh?”
“Yeah. Before you came, I did that a few times. I guess I still tried to search for a way back but… I just never managed to find one. The doors always closed. Sometimes they didn’t, but still all I could feel was cold glass against my hands. I guess… maybe some of the doors only work one way.”

That couldn’t be it. No. Or yes, some of the doors, not all of them. Hyunjin didn’t want to… accept that, no, they had a chance.
“We can still get back. We’ll find a working door.”
Seungmin’s smile was a bit sad as he glanced at Hyunjin. Still, he nodded.

“Do you feel… better now?” Hyunjin asked, a bit shyly. He hoped Seungmin wasn’t feeling as awful anymore as before. Seungmin thought about his answer for a moment, something screeched in the woods, far away.
“Yeah, I think so. Of course I still… miss my parents and my friends and all that but… It’s getting better day by day. I think part of the reason for that is that you’re here.”
I- Wh- Oh.
“You remind me of the past, but not too much, I guess. I mean, we weren’t all that close. We were just acquaintances.”
“And we aren’t that anymore?”
“I’d like to refer to you as my friend”, Seungmin glanced at Hyunjin, a smile tugging the corner of his mouth. Warmth spread all over Hyunjin. He was one step closer. One step from a whole entire road.
“Okay. I’d like that.”
“Good. Anyway, yeah. You’re familiar, but not too familiar, I guess. I don’t associate you with things that I miss the most, I guess, not my parents, or… Well, I guess you do remind me of Daehwi, and that is sometimes a bit sad, but… All in all, I’m doing fine. Maybe it was because of what you said, that everyone… everyone has forgot about me… that somehow helped. In a weird way. I think it shouldn’t, but I just keep thinking that they won’t feel the pain and… Yeah.” Seungmin’s voice quieted towards the end. Hyunjin wanted to hug him. So bad. But he didn’t, because he was a coward and he wasn’t sure if Seungmin wanted a hug.

“I’m not going to ask you how you feel. You probably feel like shit.”
Hyunjin snorted, but nodded nevertheless at Seungmin.
“Yeah. I guess that’s one way to put it. And now I can’t sleep and…” He sighed. And nearly choked on air when Seungmin wrapped an arm around him and pulled him a bit closer to a hug. And Hyunjin let him do that, he pressed his head against his shoulder, slumped against him, still wrapped in that blanket.

The velvety night engulfed them, and for some reason, the arm wrapping around Hyunjin, the silence around them, Seungmin’s breaths close to him, they… they were comforting. Hyunjin could feel himself relaxing, giving in. Seungmin was safe. Seungmin was calm, he was understanding, and he knew how Hyunjin felt. He could understand, Hyunjin realized, he had been through the same thing, and not even that long ago. He understood Hyunjin in ways the others didn’t.

“You can sleep here” was the last sound Hyunjin heard before he dozed off against Seungmin’s shoulder.

***

At some point through the night, Hyunjin awoke from his light slumber and Seungmin ushered him back upstairs. He had been so sleepy and tired that he hadn’t even fought the boy on that, but had slumped into their shared bed, alone, just for Seungmin to join him a few hours later as the sky started to turn pink. A few hours into the morning, Changbin dragged Hyunjin out of bed, since otherwise he would have missed breakfast.

And there, at the breakfast table, sitting opposite to Changbin, he realized what had happened.

He had slept at least a few hours against Seungmin’s shoulder. He had basically slept on his lap! He was horrified! Or maybe it didn’t happen, maybe that had been just a fragment of his imagination and he was insane or maybe he had dreamed the entire thing, but his neck was sore as hell so no, it couldn’t have been his imagination. He had slept on Seungmin’s shoulder. He had fallen asleep on him.

Oh my god, what if he had drooled? What if he had snored super loud! What if he had- what if he had accidentally hit Seungmin or something or what if he had annoyed Seungmin, but, wait, he wouldn’t have otherwise told Hyunjin that he could sleep here, right? He wouldn’t do that if it would be annoying for him, Seungmin wasn’t like that, he spoke his mind. Horrible! Horrible horrible horrible!

“Are you alright?” Changbin snapped his fingers in front of Hyunjin’s face, he had been staring at his plate of cereal for too long.
“Oh, yeah.” And started spooning it into his mouth, to at least look like he was alright. He wasn’t alright! He had slept on Seungmin! And it felt horrible and he had a bazillion fireworks in his guts and oh my god! And they, he, they, he had said, he had said they were friends and! Gosh! Everything was so overwhelming, Hyunjin felt like bursting out of his skin.
“Okay.” Changbin didn’t sound like he believed Hyunjin, but turned his attention to Jeongin anyway.

But that euphoria didn’t last for long. Oh no, it faded away as the sky turned from the sunny morning to a cloudy day, promising more rain once again, and as Chan mentioned something about having to go to get something from the city the next day (he had forgot to bring new strings for his guitar), Hyunjin remembered. He remembered what had happened, he had seen his dad, and his dad had seen him. There had been a door there, back to the real world, and Hyunjin hadn’t got to it fast enough.

The euphoria didn’t last long, and Hyunjin was sad again, and the now-so-familiar dull ache was back, heaving his chest. Hyunjin helped Minho clean the downstairs and the windows on the backyard side of the house, as Felix had had enough of the dust collecting on them, and apparently cloudy days were the best for washing windows. Seungmin didn’t wake up for lunch, but he did wake up for afternoon tea, and once again jolts of electricity ran down Hyunjin’s spine as Seungmin sat right next to him. Hyunjin was pretty certain Seungmin was his source of serotonin at this point.

But then the sadness started lingering again, he really hated this, Seungmin went to get more seedlings from the town that Hyunjin had forgot to bring yesterday and Changbin pulled Hyunjin along to the woodshed. A bit of chit-chatting, Changbin was so easy to be with, but not as easy as Seungmin. Or well, Seungmin’s presence made Hyunjin’s brain do somersaults, Changbin’s didn’t so, in that way Changbin was a bit easier to be around. But Changbin didn’t understand, and Hyunjin didn’t know how to talk, so they just… hung out. Talked about comics, games, little memories. All that. He was probably trying to get Hyunjin’s mind to focus on something else than the past day, Hyunjin figured moments later.

The sadness only worsened throughout the day. After Hyunjin and Changbin were done with chopping some more wood, Hyunjin realized he’d probably need to take the nap for his own night guard shift, and hopped up the stairs to the second floor after telling Seungmin he’d go to sleep. He quietly made his way through the hallway, only to stop when he heard familiar voices speaking.

“I don’t know, Minho, I just… I feel like he isn’t adjusting. And I don’t know how to make it better, he’s so… I mean I like him, I really do, he fits the group really well and he’s bringing out more of Seungmin who’s a bit of a shyer one, but I just… You know, he keeps looking for the doors.”
Hyunjin recognized the voice to be Chan’s. And then he realized they were talking about him.
“Give him a moment, Chan. Some people don’t adjust to new situations as well as you do.” Minho answered. The door to their room wasn’t closed. They hadn’t spotted Hyunjin.
“I know, I know… It just hurts me to see him suffering like that”, Chan continued, sighing.
“You don’t even know him that well.” Minho’s voice was soft, Hyunjin couldn’t almost hear it.
“I know. But you know exactly how empathetic I tend to be. I’m just… I don’t know, I’m glad he has Seungmin.”
“Mmhm, Chan, remember that you can’t be the rock in the storm for everyone all the time. If he leans on Seungmin, let him. Hyunjin will come around when he’s ready.”
Hyunjin heard Chan sighing again, the bed creaking.
“I know, I know… I just think it would be easier if he hadn’t seen his dad yesterday.”
“You don’t know that, Chan. Some people let go easier with the memories around, some people let go by forgetting, and I know you’re the latter type, but not everyone is.”
“He’s been sad the entire day.”
“And it hasn’t been all that long. Give him time, Chan.”
“I guess I’m just afraid he’s going to do something stupid. He reminds me of him, you know.”
“Yugyeom?”
“Mmhm.”
“Hyunjin isn’t Yugyeom.” Who?
“You’re right”, Hyunjin heard Chan sighing again. “I’m going to make us dinner, what would you like to eat today?”. Then the bed creaked, and Hyunjin heard footsteps. He realized they were coming towards the door, so he quickly and as quietly as possible continued his way towards his and Seungmin’s room, and closed the door just as Chan stepped to the hallway. Hyunjin sat on the bed and let himself fall against the pillows. His heart was pounding through his chest.

Who was Yugyeom? Had something happened to him? Why- what- why had they been talking about Hyunjin? And Chan had said that Hyunjin wasn’t adjusting and and was he being a burden? What if Chan didn’t like him! But he had said he did. Oh no, what if Hyunjin was being a burden to him and being annoying for… looking answers and all that and he’d start to dislike him and that would be horrible and who was Yugyeom and to Hyunjin’s surprise, he drifted to a restless sleep with the horrible thoughts spiraling in his head, wondering who the hell Yugyeom was.

*

Hyunjin woke up right on time, Chan had left him some dinner (Minho had wanted pizza, so Chan had made pizza) and gave him a gentle smile as Hyunjin stepped to the porch, ready to begin his shift as the night guard. Hyunjin felt awful. He felt awful because he missed his parents. He felt awful because he probably was a burden to Chan. And if he was a burden to Chan, what if he was that to everyone else, too?

There really was no worse timing for his night guard shift. It was quiet, the sky was still covered with clouds, so it was darker than usually, too. Not that it ever got completely dark as it was summertime. Hyunjin heard nightly sounds all around him, but none of them were too out of ordinary to keep Hyunjin away from his own thoughts. He just stared at the tree line, squeezing the flashlight in his hand, hoping he’d see something that would distract the endless spiral of what ifs in Hyunjin’s head. What if, what if Chan would start to hate him, what if he’d never adjust, what if he’d never find his way home?

Hyunjin nearly shrieked as the door to the porch opened. Then his heart tried to leap through his chest, as Seungmin stepped out, cozied up in his thick baby blue woolly sweater, that one he always wore on colder days when they had still been… in the real world.
“Evening”, Seungmin mumbled, he wasn’t clearly going to sleep yet. He was holding two cups of something. He set one of the cups in front of Hyunjin, before forcing him to move a bit on the sofa and sat next to him, placing the other cup of steaming something in front of himself.

“What’s this?” Hyunjin mumbled.
“Taste it”, Seungmin took his own cup, so Hyunjin did that, too. He smelled the cup – it was hot chocolate. It was rather thick in texture, Hyunjin noticed that. He blew into the cup to cool the hot drink a bit, before tasting it. His eyes widened when he realized what he was drinking.
“What- How, where did you get the recipe for this?” He set the cup down, eyeing the boy next to him.
“I got it from the café!” Seungmin sounded really proud of himself. “I, uhm, when I went to get the saplings for the bushes from the town, I decided to take a look at the café and found their recipe book and took it.” The drink tasted exactly like the hot chocolate Seungmin and Hyunjin had drunk while doing their schoolwork on those wintry evenings. Hyunjin wanted to cry, and also hug the boy next to him. But he didn’t, instead he took another swig from the cup.
“It tastes exactly the same…” Hyunjin mumbled, and he could swear Seungmin looked at him a little shy.
“I’m glad.” Even sounded a bit shy, and it made Hyunjin nearly yell out. “I hope it makes you feel even a bit better. My aunt used to say that hot chocolate makes everything better, so…”
“It does, thank you.” And it really did, Hyunjin felt a lot better. Or maybe it was just because Seungmin was sitting next to him.

“How’s tonight? Uneventful?” Seungmin asked after a brief silence. He wasn’t clearly going to leave very soon.
“Mmhm.” Except in Hyunjin’s head. And maybe he should… talk about it. “Do you think I’m a burden?” Hyunjin blurted out.
“Huh?” Seungmin turned to him, clearly very confused by the question.
Hyunjin lowered his voice a little: “I just… I heard Minho and Chan talking about me earlier today… Chan was sad that I… that I’m not… adjusting as well as the others and I just feel like-“
“Hyunjin, you are not a burden for not adjusting immediately.”
“I know, but he said that he just feels bad…”
“Feeling bad and feeling burdened are not the same thing, Hyunjin. Look at me.”
So Hyunjin did.
“I don’t think Chan completely understands what you and I have been through recently as he’s been in here for so long. And it hasn’t been all that long for us, and I’m sure he understands that people adjust to things differently. I’m pretty sure I seem like I’ve completely adjusted to this life, but I haven’t done that either, not yet, I just try to not to show that, and, I don’t know, maybe he’s comparing us or something.”
“I… yeah, Minho said something similar…” And now Hyunjin just felt embarrassed for spiraling like that.
“Minho’s right. You aren’t a burden, Hyunjin. You aren’t a burden for feeling and wanting to go back home.”
“Okay”, Hyunjin breathed out. Maybe he had needed that, just… someone telling him that his brain was playing tricks on him once again and… Lord, was Seungmin pretty.

“And I’m going to kick his ass if he says anything even remotely bad about you ever again”, Seungmin mumbled as he drank from his cup of hot chocolate. Hyunjin decided to ignore what he had just said, because he couldn’t handle it right at that moment.
“Do you know who’s Yugyeom?” He decided to ask instead.
“No, I’ve never heard that name.” Seungmin glanced at Hyunjin.
“Oh. Chan just said that I remind him of some guy named Yugyeom and Minho seemed to know the guy…”
“Hmh. Chan has been here for long, and Jeongin mentioned that he had other people around him before meeting Jeongin. Maybe… they were one of those people or something.”
Right. Which meant that he was probably dead. Had he… done something?
“Could be”, Hyunjin muttered, let his gaze wander around the yard. It was still quiet. Someone had left a book on the porch table. Probably Seungmin.

A book.

“Wait, Seungmin, I just remembered, I found a secret room at the university!”

Chapter Text

“You what?!” Seungmin nearly shrieked, the bushes close to the porch rustled, Seungmin had scared something away.
“Yeah!” Hyunjin was suddenly very excited, he had completely forgot to mention about their little findings while he had been so focused on his sadness. “In the library! Do you remember that old tapestry on the back wall? Behind that was a door to a little room!”
“…But there hasn’t been that in the real world.”
“Huh?”
“Yeah. I saw it when they took the tapestry off of the wall to wash it last fall. There was no door, just… a wall.”
“Are you sure?” Hyunjin suddenly felt a shiver running down his spine.
“One hundred percent. Unless you mean some other library, I mean the big one on the second floor over the main hall.”
“Yeah, that one!” Hyunjin took a drink from the cup in his hands to scare the shivers away.

“Did you go inside? Was there… something in it?”
“Yes.”
Hyunjin recalled the little room, the books, the chalkboard. He opened his mouth, and then he realized he didn’t even know where to begin, there were so many things he wanted to say!
“I… there was- um- a lot of- it was dark and-“
“Just start from the beginning.”
Hyunjin glanced at Seungmin, he could feel the burn on his cheeks.
“It was dark and… Yeah, I accidentally tore a curtain from the window so then we could see everything and… Do you remember that rumor that someone had counted the windows seen from the outside of the building and the inside and the number didn’t match?”
Seungmin nodded.
“Yeah, I think… I think the room is one of those rooms. But I don’t know what is up with that if you say you have seen the wall behind the tapestry…”
Seungmin shrugged, so Hyunjin continued, he didn’t really want to start wondering about the little detail too much. “Anyway. It was quite small, like a little classroom and there was a table and a ton of old books and a chalkboard and, and…”
“And?”

“And! Do you remember the notebooks from upstairs?”
Seungmin nodded.
“They were the same! Or, I don’t know, maybe not, they just looked the same but the point is that when I was scrolling through that one notebook, there had been these drawn circles that overlapped each other.” Hyunjin drew the shapes in the air to demonstrate his explanation. “And the circles were in there! Drawn on the chalkboard! And there was something written but it was too dusty so we couldn’t figure out what and and and I think… there might be something important in there.”

Seungmin arched his eyebrow, he looked a little winded.
“Circles?”
“Yeah.”
“I didn’t see them in the notebooks… I think I’ll take a better look tomorrow. And I want to see the university, too, I haven’t been there yet after… falling here. Maybe we should go check that out at some point? Not tomorrow, you’re going to need to sleep.”
Hyunjin pouted. Seungmin nudged his shoulder.
“Oh, come on, you slept horribly last night, too, don’t pretend you didn’t.”
Oh, well. Had been worth it. Hyunjin had got to sleep against Seungmin’s shoulder, and it had been very embarrassing but also very… lovely.
“And we have to take a good look at the notebooks.”
Seungmin could most likely see how Hyunjin’s expression darkened, just a little, since he laughed and continued: “I’ll read, you can search for more drawings.”
“Okay, fine.”
“Good.”
“Good.”

The gaze they shared surprised Hyunjin. It lasted long, at least compared to… any sort of normal eye contact. The soft light seeping through the windows in between the porch and the corridor made Seungmin’s skin bathe in golden, creating strong shadows on his other side. His hair was a little messy, he hadn’t bothered to brush it today, or so it seemed, he usually didn’t need to as his hair rarely got all that messy. The sweater he was wearing looked soft, and Hyunjin could bet it felt soft, too.

And goodness gracious, was he pretty. Otherworldly. And handsome. And all of the things at the same time. His eyes were always so kind and gentle, this time was no different. His hair curled slightly on his forehead, the glasses tinted slightly yellow. Hyunjin just wanted to press a kiss on his cheeks and then on his lips, and that thought startled him and he turned his eyes away, back to the yard in front of them. Seungmin didn’t say anything, just drank from his cup of hot chocolate. This was probably nothing to him. He didn’t… think of Hyunjin as anything else but a friend.

If only Hyunjin had seen the blush in his ears.

They sat there, in silence, as the night passed on around them. After a while Seungmin finished his hot chocolate, Hyunjin still had some left.
“I think I’ll head to sleep. Are you sure you’ll survive the rest of the night?”
Hyunjin cracked a smile to the boy next to him. “I will. I’m going to be overanalyzing everything I saw at the university and probably forget to walk around the yard to check the circle.”
“Please don’t. Good night, Hyunjin.”
“Good night, Seungmin.”

***

Instead of diving into the notebooks, Felix made Hyunjin and Seungmin plant the new seedlings to the bushes and flowerbeds they had just weeded out a few days earlier. It took most of the afternoon, Hyunjin got to trim some of the bushes and plants as Seungmin was the one planting the actual seedlings. He looked so happy. They had all kinds of colors with them, and Seungmin mumbled something about not being able to wait for the plants to grow. Then bees would move into their flowers! And perhaps that made Hyunjin excited, too.

It was well into the afternoon when Hyunjin pulled the yellow rubber gloves off, hands all clammy and icky. It was a hot day, but the clouds were still covering the sky. The air didn’t feel pressuring, luckily, no thunderstorms for them. After the afternoon tea Seungmin didn’t let Hyunjin leave for a run, but instead led him up the stairs and into the attic. Seungmin had taken flashlights with him, he gave the other to Hyunjin. Together they took all of the notebooks they could find and gathered them together in one box.
“There’s at least fifty of these. I wonder if they all are by the same person”, Seungmin mumbled. Fifty was a lot of notebooks. A lot of stuff to go through.

“Alright. Let’s sort these out. First we need to find if all the notebooks are written by the same person, then we’ll put them in order since there are dates in these. Look for similar writing style, I think that’s the best way to separate them.”
“If there’s dates then that might mean the ones who wrote these are not from this realm…” Hyunjin mumbled, he took a notebook in his hands and scrolled it. Cursive.
“Unless the ones that fell through knew the day they fell and started writing right from the first day and wrote daily. That way they could have kept up, even if the dates won’t match the actual ones in the real world.” Seungmin took two notebooks, opened them both from the first page, they were similar. He set them on his right side.
“Alright…” Hyunjin followed Seungmin’s lead. More cursive, similar to the ones Seungmin had just found. They started to go through all of the notebooks, and lo and behold, there were some that were written differently, they were clearly newer, the writing was easier to read. Seungmin’s brows furrowed as he took a look at the differing ones.

“This is a logbook.”
“Hm?”
“Or at least, sort of. This doesn’t have many details, just the weather and whether there have been written shadows and some markings and places and… this has clearly been written in this realm.” Seungmin scrolled through a few pages. Then his expression changed.
“I… I think these are Chan’s.” Seungmin put the notebook down quickly, Hyunjin reached for it.
“Don’t.” Seungmin took his hand before Hyunjin managed to get his hands on the book. He looked at Seungmin with his brow arched. The touch made Hyunjin’s heart beat in his throat.
“It just… It feels weird. He doesn’t talk much about himself because he clearly doesn’t want people to pry about his past, he’s not ready to talk or something. It would be… rude to read through these.”
Seungmin was right.
“He’s told me that he came here with a ship. And that he had his sister with him and…” And nothing else.
“Then it would be extremely rude to read through those. There might be something really sensitive. And we’re the new ones, we need to be… I don’t know. A bit careful, alright?”
Hyunjin could understand. But he couldn’t help being curious! But he was not going to pry, it would be rude, Seungmin was right. Hyunjin wouldn’t want people going through his computer or something either, even if there wasn’t all that much sensitive stuff in it. Hyunjin nodded and left the logbook alone, he found a few similar ones and placed them in their own box. There were two other notebooks as well, mostly empty, maybe someone had wanted to keep a journal and had forgot about it after three entries. Hyunjin could relate.

“Okay. Now let’s get these in order. The dates are marked on the upper left corners”, Seungmin instructed before he took one of the notebooks.
“This is from 1876. Damn.”
So was the one Hyunjin took.
“Two hundred years old and they’re in this condition? Damn.” Hyunjin couldn’t help but wonder.
“Unless…” Seungmin mumbled, his brows knitted together as he placed yet another book in front of him. The word was left hanging in between them. Unless these notebooks were from this realm. Unless they had been written in here, and in reality, it hadn’t been two hundred years, but more like thirty.

The time frame of the notebooks was roughly fifteen years, from 1874 to 1889. At the beginning Hyunjin noticed the entries were long but got shorter towards the end. All in all, they had 42 notebooks, roughly two, three notebooks a year. Occasionally the entries took many pages, sometimes only a few lines. At some point both Jeongin and Changbin peeked into the attic to take a look at what they were doing, but decided just to let them be. Hyunjin realized that they didn’t even probably have any idea what Seungmin and Hyunjin were doing, since they hadn’t really… told anyone. They hadn’t told their new friends that they were looking for a way back.

“Um, Seungmin…” Seungmin had started to read through the first notebook and had told Hyunjin to scroll through for any other drawings that could be interesting.
“Hm?” He lifted his gaze from the book, his glasses had slid down on his nose again.
“Are we… are we going to tell the others? Or, I don’t know, what are we going to say when they’re going to ask what we’re doing?”
Seungmin looked pensive, glanced at the open hatch, it took a moment for him to answer.
“I think… Let’s just say we want to get to know this world better and see if someone has been here prior to us.”
“Alright.”
“I just think… all of them seem pretty adamant that there’s no way back, I don’t think it’s wise to start insisting that there is one unless we actually find something. After all, they have been here longer and have looked and found nothing. Let’s just keep it casual. I mean, we don’t even know if we’re going to find something, so…”
Hyunjin nodded, that was probably for the best. He didn’t want to step on anyone’s toes. Especially Chan’s. The earlier still… well, it made him feel bad. But he had been right, Hyunjin wasn’t really adjusting all that well. He wanted to go home. He wanted to find a way back home.

They sat there, together, in silence. Hyunjin could feel himself growing a bit tired, but nevertheless, he kept looking for drawings or anything that stood out, found a few, one of a landscape, one of a car, one of a woman, another landscape, a dog, all that. More often than not he found himself just staring ahead. And at Seungmin. Seungmin was a fast reader, it only took him an hour or so to read through the first one.
“Anything odd in there?” Hyunjin asked. Seungmin shook his head, took another notebook. Hyunjin tried to look like he was being busy. He knew they didn’t have all that much time before dinner, and after that they would need to spend time with the others because otherwise it would start getting weird. And Hyunjin kind of wanted to go for a jog. But he wouldn’t do that after dinner because running when full was never a good idea, and it would start getting dark.

“Hyunjin.” Seungmin suddenly raised his head from the second book he was reading.
“I think… I think the one who wrote these was from this realm. In fact, I think they have documented the exact day they fell through a door. And not alone. They had a family.”

***

Unfortunately for them, the second Seungmin had the realization, Minho yelled at them to get their asses downstairs for dinner. Seungmin and Hyunjin had had to leave the notebooks in the attic and forget them for the rest of the day as Jisung had wanted to watch some movies, so they had watched some movies. Hyunjin had started to nod off half-way through the second one, the night shift finally taking a toll on him. The others had stayed up for a third movie as the next night shift had begun, but Seungmin had decided Hyunjin had had enough and dragged him to bed, before going back to watch the third movie with them. Hyunjin had fallen asleep with a small smile on his face.

The next morning Felix had announced it was berry-picking time again, the rest of the strawberries were ripe and ready to be picked, so Hyunjin and Seungmin couldn’t disappear back into the attic yet. Then it had been Seungmin’s turn to make lunch, and after that Changbin had asked Hyunjin to help him with firewood, and Hyunjin hadn’t been able to decline the request because it would have been odd. Then Hyunjin had found Seungmin napping on the porch with a book in his hands and hadn’t had the heart to wake him up, so he had gone for a run, and the rest of the day had passed by on a whim. The entire time Hyunjin had been itching to go back, return to the attic, see what the notebooks were about – but he couldn’t do that alone.

Shadows had appeared the next night, Changbin had rung the bell and Hyunjin had barely woken up to the sound, Seungmin had been up immediately. Seungmin had just told Hyunjin to go back to sleep, so Hyunjin and his sleep-clouded mind had done so. In the morning he had realized the danger they had been under, but then Seungmin had just brushed it off with a shrug and told him that the shadows hadn’t even dared to pass the tree line.

To Hyunjin’s surprise, Felix had decided Hyunjin would be the one helping him to make lunch, so that’s what Hyunjin did. Helped him make some summer soup. Or whatever it was called. And all the time he had been itching to go to the attic, take Seungmin with him and dive into the notebooks, but it would have been odd, and they had to lay low.

So when finally, after nearly two days Hyunjin pulled the hatch to the attic open and climbed up the ladder, he was nearly bursting with excitement. Seungmin laughed at him as he basically ran over to the notebooks and flopped down next to them, “like an excited puppy”, as Seungmin mumbled. That made Hyunjin nearly burst with something else entirely than excitement.

“Alright, let’s dive into these. I’ll continue from where I left off.”
“Tell me if you read something interesting”, Hyunjin mumbled, before taking one of the notebooks he hadn’t scrolled through yet. The pages were all crumbly and brittle; someone had clearly poured something over it ages ago. Water, perhaps.
“I will”, Seungmin muttered, before diving into the notebook. A gentle silence fell over both of them, the only sounds around them being the turning of the pages, laughter from downstairs and the creaks of the attic.

Maybe it was the drive within Hyunjin, maybe something else, but it was easy for him to focus now. He knew what he was searching for, anything that could help him, them, get home, and that drove him forward, kept his eyes on the pages. A few more overlapping circles, a few of them had been crossed over. What did they mean?

“Today I visited the town again. It was empty – not a soul in sight. I wonder what has happened. It is very odd, like everyone has left in a haste, even our neighbors have left with their horses. All the belongings are still in place, or that’s what I saw when I tried to spy in through the windows. It also seems that something has changed, for I am certain the neighbor’s house was just renovated last year, and now it looks like a century old. I do not understand what is going on, and my beloved is a bit frightened by all of this. I hope we will get an answer soon.” Seungmin raised his head from the book as he stopped reading.
“They’re definitely from here.” Hyunjin could feel his heartbeat getting a bit faster. Sure, the others had told that there was, had been, other people here, but now Hyunjin had proof of it! He had proof that they weren’t completely alone, just the eight of them.

Or maybe they were. No, enough of that.
“Yup. Looks like the whole family fell through. From what I can read, it’s the writer, their spouse and three kids, one of them very young. Two years old, maybe. Also, the writer loves their family very much.”
“That’s adorable”, Hyunjin mumbled.
“Yeah.”
“Anything else?”
Seungmin shook his head: “Not yet.”

And again, the silence fell over them, Changbin joined them for a brief moment at some point through the afternoon:
“What are you two even doing?”
“Just… I don’t know”, Hyunjin shrugged. Changbin didn’t seem to believe him.
“These notebooks are written by someone who was in this realm and in this house before us. We just want to know how… they felt. What they saw, experienced, what happened to them.” Seungmin was a better liar. Or well, it wasn’t a lie, just one half of the truth. Hyunjin smiled and nodded, and did not miss the way Changbin arched his eyebrow at him and then glanced at the boy next to him.
“Alright, have fun, those are a pain in the ass to read.” Changbin gave up and returned back downstairs, Seungmin mumbled a “Tell me about it” after him.
“It’s not that bad, is it?” Hyunjin hurried to ask Seungmin, immediately feeling a little guilty.
“Nah, the cursive is occasionally hard to read. Otherwise it’s fine.”
“Alright.”
“Don’t worry about it.”

Knowing Hyunjin, he worried about it. That’s why instead of just scrolling through he tried to actually read through the books, which was a little frustrating. And he was very slow. And now he felt just stupid again when the words didn’t just hold any meaning and it was so annoying and he was so- No. Enough.
“Looks like the writer has realized that it’s not the town that has disappeared but they themselves. Or something. They saw some creatures in their yard that didn’t seem to be from the real world and now they’re wondering if they’re mad.”
“Sounds familiar”, Hyunjin muttered under his breath. Oh, it had been just weeks since Hyunjin had thought he had gone very much off his rocker.
“Mmhm”, Seungmin agreed.

Seungmin moved to the second notebook after a while, continued telling bits and pieces to Hyunjin. The writer and their ‘beloved’ had seen the shadows, but from very far away, they referred to them as dark, otherworldly creatures. More creatures, the summer suddenly seemed to continue forever. Hyunjin figured the town close by had been a village, since the shadows didn’t show up until much later in time.

Then Seungmin’s expression got sad, the mood shifted a bit. “They got the eldest daughter. The shadows. The writer is grieving and pouring their heart out to the notebook.” Oh no. “They’re wondering what kind of entities would make such things, what kind of bad things their family has done to deserve such things surrounding them. And ending up in this place. They’re wondering if they have actually died, and this is hell.”
Very familiar. Hyunjin could remember himself thinking the same thing. He could remember Felix telling him how he had thought the same, too. Maybe the thought pattern was… somehow expected. What, indeed, could create such shadows? What were they after? Why were they here?

“The writer has started to stay awake during the nights, guard the house. They haven’t seen the shadows ever since the daughter was killed.”
Hyunjin nodded. He felt bad for the writer, the former family who had lived in the house.
“I don’t think they’re alright. They keep talking about the wrath of God and all that, seems like they were a devoted believer.”
“Interesting.”
Very. Hyunjin could see it, the connection, and given the time the books were written, it made sense to connect the… things around them with religion.
“Oh, they found out that salt keeps the shadows away! Although now the writer has started to call them demons. I don’t like the sound of that.”
“Me neither.” Yeah, no. Shadows were fine, they sounded fine, demons sounded… horrifying. 

“You two! Dinnertime!”

***

Soon Hyunjin found himself again in a night guard shift, one night the shadows appeared again when Jisung was guarding the house. Seungmin hauled the notebooks down from the attic and read them before going to sleep, he had switched from his usual books entirely to the notebooks. He was on the third book, they still had plenty left, even if Seungmin was a quick reader, it took him occasionally some time to decipher the cursive handwriting. They didn’t have time to visit the university yet, but they did go for groceries and all that. The days started blending into each other, Hyunjin found himself gardening again, going for jogs, missing his home, missing his parents. Every single evening, he recalled his father in the bus stop window, his expression, as he noticed Hyunjin. He had to go back. That thought kept him going, pushed him forward, that, and Seungmin next to him, diving into book after book, trying to find something, anything.
“Daily life. Grieving. There’s really not much in these…” Seungmin mumbled one evening. For a moment Hyunjin felt himself getting hopeless, before he got a grip of himself again.

And in between the ache to go back home, he found himself enjoying his surroundings, too. He enjoyed the afternoon tea times, he actually liked cooking for the others when he had a hunch of what to do. Occasionally Changbin joined him for his jogs, tried to pry about Seungmin, but every time Hyunjin just shrugged at him, he wasn’t really making any moves, he didn’t know how to. He even spent time with Jisung, went to get some new paint from the stores with him, and every now and then, he felt happy. Just happy. There was really no other word for it. There were moments he forgot the ache in his chest (and when he remembered it again, he felt guilty for ever forgetting). There were moments he stared at Seungmin for way too long at the lunch table, there were moments when a fairy bee landed on his fingers, and he felt like bursting. He felt happy. He was alright.

But he wanted to go back. He wanted to go home. That thought didn’t leave him be, he had to get back.

***

“Uh oh”, Seungmin mumbled one evening, the dimness of the attic surrounding them once again.
“What is it?” Hyunjin had nearly dozed off as he was leaning against a beam holding the roof.
“I… the… the writer lost their entire family.”
“…Oh no.”
“Yeah. Their salt circle broke or something, it just says “They’re all gone” multiple times on the page for like six pages.”
“Oh no.”
Seungmin turned a few more pages. “Yeah, the circle gave in, it had broken during the night and the writer had had to run to the woods and right at sunlight the last shadow had got their youngest daughter right from their hands. That’s awful.”
Hyunjin shivered. He couldn’t even imagine that kind of pain. And the writer… they had been holding their daughter, probably in their arms…
“They… buried them in the backyard.”
“Oh?”
“And. Planted apple trees on the graves.”
“…Oh.”
Hyunjin and Seungmin just stared at each other. How was he supposed to react? Was it awful or not?
“But aren’t there more than four apple trees?”
“Yeah, like seven.”
“…Um.”
“Maybe they decided to plant a few more”, Seungmin shrugged.
“How am I supposed to react?”
Seungmin shrugged again. “I mean, it’s nothing new, planting trees on graves or to mark graves. And I mean, there’s only probably bones left since it’s been so long, so… I don’t know, I don’t think it’s horrible or anything.”
Okay. If Seungmin said so. Hyunjin nodded.

After a brief silence, Seungmin broke it again:
“Damn. The loss is really taking a toll on the writer, it’s all they talk about. There are no weather reports or anything anymore, just loss and grieving and depression.”
Hyunjin frowned. Seungmin scrolled through a few pages to find anything new, before he switched to the next notebook. They had maybe twenty notebooks left. Seungmin had said that he’d assume that there would be a lot of text of the same topic if the writer happened to find something out about the doors, so he was searching for those kinds of writings. The few photos Hyunjin had found were just scribbles and didn’t really have any text written about them. He really wanted to go back to the university to see if there would be anything since the circles had been there, too, but Seungmin had wanted to read through the notebooks in the house first.

“Wow. This is like… I’m reading through someone just… I don’t know. Going insane. The writing is getting hazier and looser by every entry, sometimes there are just a few words, sometimes just ‘they’re all gone’ and empty pages.”
Seungmin showed Hyunjin a few entries.
“I can only imagine. I mean, if the writer has been only with their family for a few years and hasn’t had any other contact with humans and now suddenly the family is taken away and there are just shadows”, Hyunjin mumbled.
“You’re right. They do speak of this place being their personal hell, too. It seems like they believe that they’re dead.” Seungmin
“Wow.”

The evening continued on, Hyunjin could hear Chan saying a good night to Minho as he started his night guard shift. Tomorrow was going to be Seungmin’s turn again, then Hyunjin’s, and in a few days it would have been a month. He had spent a month in this realm. Or something like that, since it would be his fourth night shift and there were seven people in the night guard shifts.
“Oh, light at the end of the tunnel!” Seungmin mumbled, a bit quieter now that the others had gone to sleep. They didn’t seem to be in a hurry. “The writer found the university library, they’re talking about making a workspace for themselves, they have started to research old texts and mythologies and all kinds of things, they’re trying to find out what this place is! And their writing is back to normal, seems like they’re getting used to living alone.”
“That must be the circles!” Hyunjin exhaled.
“Yeah!”

***

“Nope, back to insane”, Seungmin grimaced after three nights, Hyunjin was still a bit tired from his night shift, but Seungmin had been reading through the notebooks all through his own shift and when Hyunjin had been asleep. “They’re mixing up religions and mythologies, sometimes they even call the shadows gods. They have started to walk around the woods, too, and by the gaps in the entries, they have a tendency to get lost.”
“Oh damn.”
“Yeah.”
They were sitting side by side, Seungmin had found a few old oil lanterns and lit them so they wouldn’t use all the batteries from the flashlights. The flickering light of the lanterns sure gave the attic a whole new feeling, shrouded in mystery. Seungmin’s knee was touching Hyunjin’s and that was all he could focus on (instead of the notebook in his hands, he had only read through three notebooks, filled with confusion and happiness, Seungmin was far ahead of him).

“They’re certain that the world consists of many layers, and that this is hell, since they fell there, the one where they used to be, was the real world and if they had… somehow gone up, they would have ended up in heaven. They also seem to think that since there is a way down, there has to be a way up, too.”
Like Hyunjin. Seungmin didn’t need to mention that.
“Do you think so?” Hyunjin asked.
“It makes sense, but I mean… alright, so, there’s the real world, but I didn’t fall through a puddle, so I didn’t fall downwards but sideways through a bus stop window, so I’m not really that fond of the hell-theory.” Seungmin put down the book and motioned with his hands as he explained: “I am also not really a firm believer of any sort of religion, so I’m not all that fond of hell and heaven-theories. Anyway. I don’t think this is hell, because in every hell that is in any sort of mythologies or religions, there are other people or other sort of sentient beings that either linger around or, well, you know.”
Hyunjin nodded.
“So I think, the situation is more like… you have heard of parallel worlds, right? Alternate realities, that sometimes may overlap each other and stuff like that.” Seungmin suddenly started searching for something, found it after a minute.

He flipped the notebook open, it was the one Hyunjin had found the first time he had been in the attic. Seungmin scrolled through, found the drawn picture with the overlapping circles.
“The… you think the circles represent… alternate realities?”
“Something like that. But instead of an up and down-situation, it’s more of…” Seungmin flipped the book on the side, the circles were now sideways, “it’s more of a sideways situation. The overlapping parts”, Seungmin pointed at the little gaps that were left in between the circles, “are the passageways to the other realities. The doors. That appear when the alternate realities clash.”

Hyunjin stared at Seungmin with his mouth wide open. A little blush dusted on Seungmin’s cheeks.
“Sorry, I’m just… I really like science fiction, and this reminds me of it. Except that it’s real.”
“You are so fucking incredible, Seungmin”, Hyunjin blurted out, which made the blush deepen on his cheeks. What did that mean? Maybe Seungmin wasn’t used to compliments.
“Thanks”, the boy mumbled, before quickly returning to the earlier topic. “I also think that, you know, the writer is onto something, but not entirely. They’re so focused on the religion part, they’re trying to find an answer for all of this from there, which is, compared to the time they were born in, rather expected. But they can’t look at this from outside of the box, I hope we can.”
“So like… they are more these kinds of realms.” Hyunjin stared at the drawn circles again.
“Probably. The creatures have visited our world, maybe the shadows have, too, since we have stories of ghosts and all that. And since there is one door, why can’t there be another? It just… I don’t know. It wouldn’t make sense that there were only two realities.”
“What if there’s like… countless of realities?”
“Could be.”
“How are we going to find the right one?” Hyunjin, frowned, looked up from the circles at Seungmin. A gentle smile tugged the corner of Seungmin’s mouth, the look in his eyes was somehow really intense in the flickering light, it made Hyunjin’s head spin a little:
“I don’t know, but we will.”

Chapter Text

“Hey, can you two drop by at the store and bring some flour? Felix wants to try out some new bread recipe or something and we’re running out of flour.” Jisung leaned against the door frame as Hyunjin slung his backpack on his shoulder. It had a few notebooks, a flashlight, paper and pens in it.
“Sure”, Hyunjin nodded at the painter, he had some paint on his cheek. Again. This time it was dark violet.
“Great!” Jisung beamed, before he disappeared back to the kitchen on his way to his atelier.

Seungmin and Hyunjin had announced at the breakfast table that they’d go check out the university since Seungmin hadn’t been there in a while and Hyunjin wanted to show the odd room to him. To Hyunjin’s luck, no one wanted to leave with them – the clouds hanging low promised a day of rain, and neither Jeongin nor Changbin felt like roaming through the city while getting drenched. Although, by the raise of an eyebrow Changbin had given Hyunjin the moment Hyunjin had said he and Seungmin would go check out the library, he wouldn’t have come with them even if it wouldn’t have rained.
“I’ll give you two some privacy” he had mumbled after that to Hyunjin as they had gathered the breakfast away from the table a few hours ago.

Hyunjin hadn’t missed the way Chan had looked a little… worried at the announcement, but just told them to stay safe and that he’d try to practice playing the guitar he had brought with him today from the city. Minho had wanted to join him to listen to his playing, he had said he’d join their trip to the city the next time they’d go. And Jisung didn’t like the city, so he wasn’t coming, and Felix was busy, today with baking. So, it was Hyunjin and Seungmin going, just the two of them.

Alone.

And that both terrified and excited Hyunjin.

Hyunjin took an umbrella and an airhorn, placed the latter one in his pocket and pulled his hoodie better on. The day wasn’t all that cold, but it wasn’t a t-shirt kind of summer day either. Seungmin was ready to go in his purple hoodie that Hyunjin so adored, another backpack on his shoulder. Chan had told them to go grab some more food from the stores too, then they wouldn’t have to walk to the city for a few days.
“Let’s go”, Seungmin mumbled, and with a loud “Bye!” he opened the door and let the others know they were leaving.

The walk to the town was rather quiet as the forest made its presence known once again. Hyunjin could feel how the woods around him got ready for the impending rain, he could feel how it got quiet around him, how every little creature found their way back to the little nests and burrows, away from the drops that would soon start to drum the ground. By the looks of the clouds the rain would be heavy – maybe enough for an actual storm, as the wind had started to pick up slightly. The quiet of the woods felt pressuring, but not scary. There weren’t any… scary creatures around, Hyunjin didn’t feel eyes on him.

But still, the pressure was enough to keep the both of them quiet, the only sounds being the light wind and their steps on the ground. Every now and then Hyunjin glanced at Seungmin next to him, who was looking around, more at the woods, every time they happened to glance at each other, he smiled, just a little, and Hyunjin’s heart did at least five somersaults.

The town welcomed them with silence, nothing had changed. Some of the cars had moved, otherwise everything was the same. They passed Hyunjin’s house, Seungmin glanced at Hyunjin with an arched eyebrow, but Hyunjin shook his head. He didn’t want to visit. There would be nothing for him. Nothing but remnants of the life he wanted so desperately to go back to. He didn’t even want to look at the house, because it only worsened the ache in his chest.

They rounded a street corner, arrived at the park close to Hyunjin’s house, the lake looked grey under the heavy clouds, not deep blue as it did on clear days. Hyunjin felt the first droplets hit his head, and he took the umbrella he had taken from the house and opened it. Seungmin stepped under it, too, and it felt all so… weird in such a wonderful way. They walked along the park, then rounded another street corner, and Hyunjin felt a lump getting stuck in his throat.

“Is it that one?” Seungmin asked, quietly. He stared at the bus stop and the broken glass around it. Hyunjin nodded.
“No wonder you saw him here, it’s so close to your home”, Seungmin mumbled. Hyunjin nodded again, he didn’t want to… talk about it. And what was there even to talk about? Hyunjin had already told everything to Seungmin. They passed by the bus stop, something rustled in the bushes and a bird took flight. Soon enough the rain was full on pouring down around them, and the both of them sped their steps as they walked up the hill to the university.

“Damn. It’s exactly the same as back then”, Seungmin muttered, as the high main building came into view. The granite walls looked even darker than usually with all the rain. The atmosphere lingering around the buildings was almost haunting – these were old bones from times long gone, completely empty and abandoned. They were already old in the real world, and in here they looked even older.
“The shadows don’t move in daylight, right?” Hyunjin couldn’t help glancing around.
“No. I guess they fear the sun or something”, Seungmin said as they stepped on the stairs leading to the main doors. Hyunjin realized he had walked up these same stairs with Seungmin only a handful of times, but now they were… actually alone. Back then there had always been someone, other students, some friends, all that. Now it was just two of them. And the rain.

Hyunjin shut the umbrella when they stepped over the threshold and into the main hall. The roof had given in on the hallway they weren’t going to, rain was pouring down on the floor from the hole in the roof. Hyunjin followed Seungmin (who was once again looking around with eyes full of wonder) up the large stairs to the second floor.
“It feels so… empty”, Seungmin breathed out. A few paintings of the past principals of the university had fallen down, the frames breaking in the process. Some paintings had simply smudged over time due to the moistness of the walls, some had so much dust on them that it was hard to make out the outlines. Hyunjin accidentally kicked a few pebbles that had crumbled from the stone walls, sent them over the edge of the second floor. After a few seconds he could hear the hit the ground on the first floor, the sound echoed in the walls along with the rain.

The two of them stepped soon into the library. Seungmin gasped as he laid his eyes on the fallen bookshelves and paper scattered all over the floor – and the door on the back wall. Or side wall, depending on which way you were looking the university at. The door was closed, just as Hyunjin had left it, the tapestry was in a bundle of fabric in front of it. Hyunjin kicked it aside properly and pushed the door open, nearly with as much difficulty as the last time.

The air wasn’t as stale as the last time, the dull daylight streamed in through the window of the little room.
“Wow”, Seungmin breathed out, as he stepped over the high threshold. Hyunjin suddenly didn’t know what to do with himself, but pointed at the circles on the chalkboard.
“They’re the same”, Seungmin mumbled, before he quickly put his backpack down and searched for something from it. A notebook, he opened it, searched for the right page, and found the circles. “Yeah, they’re the same”, he showed Hyunjin the page. It was exactly the same, six circles next to each other, overlapping a little.

Seungmin put the notebook down, before strolling over to the desk. With careful fingers he took the few notebooks in his hands, turned them around a little.
“Hyunjin. I think these are… by the same person as in the house.”
“Huh? Or, well, I guess it makes sense, they did talk about some university room, right?”
“Right… It just means that we have a few more notebooks to read, and these are in a bit of a worse condition.” Seungmin opened the notebook, looking immediately a bit taken aback.
“What is it?”
“Didn’t the notebooks in our house end in the year 1889?”
“Yeah.”
“This is dated to 1890.”
“Oh.”

So there were even more notebooks to read. Great. Hyunjin started searching through the other sort of books, all of them looked very heavy, and they were heavy. All in all they found four more similar notebooks, one of them had got wet at some point and the pages were hard to turn, some stuck to each other. Hyunjin hoped nothing too important would be on those pages.
“This is the last one”, Seungmin mumbled.
“How do you know?”
“The entries end half-way through the book. And the only words on the last pages are “I can’t take this anymore”.”
Suddenly Hyunjin felt cold. He shivered. Seungmin didn’t look any better, he quickly put the book down on the table, before glancing around the room once more. A little less light, and they’d have to take out the flashlights, that was how dark the room was getting with the clouds covering the sky.

“It feels so… I don’t know. I feel like we’re in someone’s grave.”
Hyunjin could feel that, too. He swallowed. The person, the one who had lived in the house before them, had spent the last of their days in here, trying to search for answers. Had they got them? Had they found their answers, was that the reason they couldn’t take it anymore? Had they found something so devastating that the will to live had let go of them?

Hyunjin glanced at the books on the table, a few stashes of paper, some with scribbles on them. Then he looked at Seungmin, and found him looking back at him. Neither of them were sure if they wanted to dive in, if they were ready to try to find the answers through the notebooks left behind by an utter stranger, who didn’t feel so strange now that Hyunjin and Seungmin had got to know them through their diaries.

Seungmin pulled a stool for himself from under the table, dusted it off, tried to see if it would handle his weight as it had stood in the same place for who knew how long. Then he decided it was good and sat down, took a few of the diaries from his backpack along with his own notebook that he had made markings in of the things they had found, and then glanced at Hyunjin.
“Let’s get to work. I’ll try to decipher these, you search for… anything that could be of use to us.”
“Alright.”

***

Seungmin engulfed himself into the books, Hyunjin started to scroll through the other books that were on the table, carefully, as the pages were rather frail due to the time that had passed. The books seemed old. Very old. Very, very, very old. So old, that they had been hand-written, and the pictures had lost all the color. They were interesting, most of them had something to do with mythologies, but Hyunjin had a hunch that they wouldn’t find anything useful from them. Or maybe they would. Or Seungmin would, because if the notebooks were hard to read, then the other books were incomprehensible.

Hyunjin tried to get the dust away from the chalkboard, which only ended up with the chalk dusting off, too, just as previously. Hyunjin looked around a little, there were still chalk pieces left, but they crumbled once Hyunjin took them in between his fingers. They’d have to find some chalk from the store, then they could maybe draw on top of the dust to strengthen the chalk lines and make out the text on the board. If it even was anything useful, it could be just… something stupid. And the circles they had already seen, they were clearly important.

Hyunjin huffed, there was really nothing else in the room, except for the cabinet on the other wall. Hyunjin tried to open the doors, but it was useless, Seungmin kept reading through the pages as fast as he could, as most of it was just repetition of the old things the writer had said and longing after his family, which was heartbreaking, but useless to Seungmin and Hyunjin.

The cabinet doors didn’t budge, the lock seemed to be broken and Hyunjin couldn’t see any keys anywhere. Maybe he’d have to break down the thing. Would there even be anything useful in there? Sure they’d have to search every cabinet and corner. But what were they even searching? Hyunjin wasn’t sure anymore. Anything, Seungmin had said, anything that could be useful.

The rain continued pouring down, Seungmin took out his flashlight, glanced outside ever so often to make sure they didn’t take too much time. They had left before lunch, and Hyunjin had started to feel a bit peckish, so it was probably nearing noon right now. Or something like that. Fuck clocks in this realm. He sighed and leaned his back against the cabinet, crossed his arms, let his eyes wander around the room in search for something, anything,

something clicked behind him.

And the whole cabinet fell backwards, Hyunjin along with it.

“What the hell!” he heard Seungmin shriek as his back collided against the hard granite floor. For a second it was hard to breathe as the air was knocked out of his lungs in the process. Then Seungmin’s head popped up to Hyunjin’s view, looking very worried, as he helped Hyunjin up.
“What the hell?” Hyunjin repeated, only wheezing, not shouting. When he finally got up, he realized, that the cabinet hadn’t simply fallen behind him. It had swung open. Like a fucking door.

“What the hell?!”

Seungmin let go of Hyunjin’s hand as he reached for a flashlight from the table. He lit the space that had opened up from behind the cabinet.
“It’s a room”, he breathed out, and Hyunjin’s head was spinning. “A hidden room behind a hidden room.”
Seungmin took a step forward, but Hyunjin grabbed his arm. He felt a little breathless, still, and suddenly very cautious.
“This feels like a horror movie”, he mumbled, before realizing what he had done and quickly let go of Seungmin.

Only for Seungmin to not let go of Hyunjin. Hyunjin glanced at their linked arms, Seungmin was lighting the room with his flashlight.
“There aren’t any windows.”
“Could there be shadows?” Hyunjin swallowed, a little nervous. The room was dark. Really dark. Seungmin peered into the darkness with his flashlight.
“I don’t see any movement. I doubt it. And they follow energies, I doubt… this place has any energy in it.”
“Isn’t this like… part of the lecture hall? In the real world?”
“It should be, the hall is right behind the library, but now there are two rooms… in between them.”
Seungmin glanced at Hyunjin, before he took a step over the high threshold. This was getting way over Hyunjin’s head, but he followed Seungmin, nevertheless, because Seungmin didn’t want to let go.

“The last entries from the diaries have said something about being close to a resolution, but still so far. They have been written in here at the university, I think.”
“You read them already?” Hyunjin was astonished.
“I skipped over some parts”, Seungmin cracked him a small smile. “Maybe this is the resolution we’re looking for.”

Seungmin lit up the room with his flashlight. It was slightly bigger than the room they just were in, and… full of bookshelves.
“Why does it always have to be books!” Hyunjin moaned out loud. Seungmin giggled at him. There was dust everywhere, the air was stale, but dry, just as it had been in the first room.
“There are maps on the walls…” Seungmin lit up the walls, Hyunjin could see spiderwebs everywhere. The room clearly wasn’t completely sealed off, then.
“Burnt candles… someone’s clearly been here at some point.”
“Not in a very long time, it seems”, Hyunjin mumbled.
There was another table, a round one. On it were scattered papers, and books. Of course there were books, all of the ancient mysteries were always filled with books and so much reading. Hyunjin sighed, he was going to be absolutely useless. Seungmin approached the table, pulling Hyunjin along. There didn’t seem to be any… danger lingering around. It was just quiet. The room had been shut off and sealed away for a long time, and somehow Hyunjin had got it open by leaning against the cabinet. Or it hadn’t been sealed at all, it had just… no one had figured that the cabinet was a door or something.

Or, there had been no one to figure it out.

Seungmin let go of Hyunjin’s hand, opened one of the books. It was written in a language that Hyunjin had absolutely no understanding of. Neither did Seungmin, by the looks of it.
“These seem… ancient, yet at the same time not”, he mumbled, turning the pages. Hyunjin didn’t know what to think. They had clearly discovered… something. But what?

Seungmin closed the book, the thud made dust fly in the air. Then he approached the bookshelf closest to them.
“Seungmin, be careful”, Hyunjin muttered, followed after him. He didn’t want any more cabinets falling on them. The whole room seemed suspicious, even if it was… well, empty. It wasn’t dangerous, it didn’t seem like that, just… mysterious. Seungmin let his fingers skim over the backs of the books, leaving dusty fingerprints all over them. Hyunjin tried to look around in the faint light of the flashlight, but saw only the outlines of the room. He didn’t see curtains, there weren’t any windows.

Seungmin continued to search through the bookshelves. Hyunjin didn’t know what he was searching for, maybe something out of the ordinary. But the whole room was out of the ordinary! Well, to be honest, so was the entire world around them. Hyunjin followed Seungmin as he had the flashlight and Hyunjin wasn’t taking any chances that something would happen to him and he wasn’t entirely fond of the idea that he’d be standing in the darkness alone.
“These are the… same books.”
“Huh?”
“Every shelf. It has the same book; it’s bound the same and in the same colors. Those ones are green, these are red.”
Seungmin took out one of the books from the shelf before Hyunjin could say anything. He opened it from the first page, incomprehensible letters and some sort of a circle. Then he took another book, the one right beside it, and opened it from the same page. It was a similar page. Just with… different letters.
“They’re the same. Just in different languages.”
“Huh?” Hyunjin was sounding really stupid right now. No, Seungmin had said that-
“Look. The pages are the same, the layout is the same, the… logo or whatever is the same.”
“Right. What does it mean?”
“It means that all of the books in this shelf are of the same topic, and the other shelves are probably of another topic.”
Hyunjin simply stared at Seungmin, whose face was mostly hidden in the strong shadows made by the flashlight, tried not to stare too deep into his eyes and fall any harder.
“There might be some answers here”, Seungmin grinned, he had a lilt of excitement to his voice. “We should tell the others about this!”
“No!” Hyunjin got scared by the loudness of his own voice. And his reaction.
“Why not?” Seungmin tilted his head just slightly, like a puppy.
“I… I mean, you said that… we probably shouldn’t tell the others what we’re looking for…”
“Unless we find something.” Seungmin took the book from Hyunjin, placed both of them back to where they had been taken from. “And we have clearly found something! Even if there wouldn’t be answers here, I think they would be pretty excited to hear that there was another hidden room at the university, don’t you think?”
“I… yeah, I guess…”
“Hyunjin, what are you thinking?”

Hyunjin swallowed, he didn’t really… want to talk about it. But Seungmin had asked.
“I’m just… I don’t know. I feel like they might not be too happy that we’re… looking for… things. Chan didn’t seem too happy about us leaving here in the morning.”
“He seemed fine to me.”
And once again Hyunjin was overanalyzing.
“I… well, maybe I’ve been just… overanalyzing. I tend to do that.” He tried to crack a slight smile to Seungmin.
“It’s fine, Hyunjin. And I’d rather… not keep these kinds of big secrets from them, you know. We need to trust them. And they could be of help, they might find something that we don’t.” Seungmin sounded so kind and gentle and understanding and… Hyunjin sighed and nodded.
“And you know… we may not even find the way out. But maybe we’ll find something about this world, about the shadows or something. Let’s not mention what we’re actually looking for, alright?”
“Alright.”

***

“What the hell?” Changbin muttered under his breath as he stepped over the high threshold into the room Seungmin and Hyunjin had discovered yesterday. Seungmin had had stars in his eyes as he had last night told everyone what they had found and Hyunjin had simply nodded along with him. The others had been excited, at least that’s how it had looked like to Hyunjin, and he hoped he wasn’t wrong.
“What the hell indeed”, Jeongin mumbled. They were all there, all eight of them. They had wanted to come along, see, what they had found from the university. They had brought more flashlights and oil lamps as well as lamps that worked with batteries with them, they set them down the table and soon lit up the room in a soft, yellow light.

The day outside was hot and humid, but inside the stoned walls of the university, it felt nearly cold. Minho’s cane bumped against the threshold, Hyunjin helped him over it.
“What’s in here?” The boy asked, Chan was right behind him.
“A shit ton of bookshelves and a table in the middle. We haven’t found anything else yet”, Hyunjin answered.
“Delightful. What kind of books?”
“We don’t know yet. Old. In languages that none of us can probably speak.”
“Was that the cabinet that was actually a door?” Chan pointed at the cabinet next to the doorway. There was another beside it.
“Yeah.”

Minho let go of his hand and decided to explore the space on his own. Hyunjin could see how Chan’s eyes never left him for long, but he tried to make it as unnoticeably as possible (failing miserably). Jisung and Felix stepped over the threshold together, holding hands and flashlights, Seungmin was right behind them. The six of them took a moment to explore the room, but came to the same conclusion as Hyunjin and Seungmin – there were only books. A lot of books. The two of them hadn’t spent much time in the room after deciding they would tell the others as they still had things to find from the city, and the both of them were getting hungry. After that they had once again sat on the stairs of the store and eaten a tub of ice cream for lunch because absolutely no one was there to stop them from doing that. Then they had headed… home. And told everyone what they had found. And they had decided to go explore the place the next day, and now they were here.

Seungmin had taken a small break from the books for the last night as they had decided to watch a movie together. It had been a good movie, and Hyunjin had sat next to Seungmin, and that had been nice. Very nice. There hadn’t been any shadows in the night, and they had slept peacefully, and now they were here. Lunch they had eaten, and waited for the night guard to wake up, and then they had left. Hyunjin felt nervous, he wasn’t sure if they were going to find anything, and if they would, what would they find?

One by one, the boys started to pull out the books from the shelves, occasionally coughing from all of the dust in the room. Jeongin didn’t seem too happy about the task, he would have rather gone explore the endless lecture halls than stick into the one dusty room they were in.
“Have you found something from the diaries?” Chan asked, more from Seungmin than Hyunjin.
“Uhh… well, the diaries are from here. I mean, the person who wrote them lived in here, in our house. And they lost their family to the shadows and went basically mad and tried to search for… answers from all around”, Seungmin said as he scrolled through one of the books with his brows knitted together. He had laid it on the table, Felix was next to him scrolling through another, similar book.
“Did they find anything?”
“Not really. Or, I mean, well… Uhh… We think that, and the writer thought that there are more realms like the real one and this one.”
Chan nodded.
“Like the chalkboard”, Seungmin pointed at the other room, “there might be more, just… not up and down but side to side. And the overlapping parts are where the doors show up. But that’s all we have, really. Nothing else. No explanations to shadows whatsoever.”
Chan nodded. Hyunjin glanced at him, a bit nervous, before taking one of the books.

Minutes passed, the room was filled with mumbling and pages turning, occasionally some dropped through the bindings of the books, until Jeongin exclaimed:
“This looks readable!”
“Huh?” Seungmin left his books and went to the boy on the other side of the room. Hyunjin could feel his heartbeat getting faster.
“It does. Everyone, check the third books from the third levels of the shelves!”
Hyunjin reached for the said book, flipped it open, it was heavy as hell. And true to Seungmin’s words, he could understand the words on the first page: “The Construction”, and over it, under the little circle symbol: “The Circle”.
“What the everloving fuck?” Changbin breathed out next to him. Hyunjin flipped to another page, then another. Maps, drawings, writing that seemed old, but it was somehow readable. He could feel the excitement in him. They had found something. Jeongin had found something! And by the excited sounds from the others, they, too, had found something!

Altogether, they found four books, as there were four colors in the bookshelves. One green book, one red, one black, and one brown. They were big and heavy, full of dust, and all of them had the same circles to mark that they had been written by… The circle. Whatever that was. Seungmin glanced at Hyunjin in the glowing light, he was smiling from ear to ear and Hyunjin could feel the flutter in his chest. They had found something!

“So now I’m guessing that we have to… read through these”, Minho said, he was leaning on Chan’s shoulder.
“Yeah. It might not be easy.” Seungmin was once again flipping through the pages. “These are written in a very old language that was used like… hundreds of years ago. Some sentences are easy to read, some are not. And these are handwritten, and some pages seem to be damaged.”
“Are there any… like… dictionary books that might help?” Changbin asked.
“There might be. If there is, they’re going to be in the library.” Seungmin nodded towards the library behind Hyunjin’s back. Hyunjin couldn’t help the excitement coursing through his body. There might be a way out in those books!

As they started to flip through the books and Jisung and Felix went to search for a dictionary, Hyunjin ran to Seungmin (almost hugged him) and Seungmin just smiled at him.
“I can’t believe we have found something!” Hyunjin whisper-yelled to him.
“I can’t believe we are about to unearth some ancient secrets, it feels like we’re in a goddamn movie or something”, Seungmin mumbled, focused on the books again. “Unless there’s nothing. But I don’t believe that.”
Hyunjin shook his head, he wasn’t going to believe that either. “There has to be something in those books. There has to be a way out!”

The moment the words left his lips, he could feel the air freeze in the room. He knew Chan was just on the other side of the table with Changbin and Minho, and Jeongin wasn’t all that far behind.
“A way out?” Chan asked, lifted his head from one of the books. He looked… disappointed.

“I… yeah”, Hyunjin swallowed. Fucking hell, why did he always have to talk before he had time to think? Why did his mouth have to be faster than his brain?
“So that’s what this has all been about.” Chan crossed his arms on his chest, he didn’t sound mad, just disappointed. Slightly. Not even that much. Or that’s what Hyunjin wished for.
“Not entirely, we do want to get to know this world better and see if there are… well, anything of the shadows or… the doors.” Seungmin said. Hyunjin took a small step back, just to hide himself a little from the view behind Seungmin’s back.

Chan sighed, suddenly looking very tired. Of the world, of them, of everything.
“I don’t know how to tell you this any clearer. There are no doors back. I’ve spent enough time in here to search for them, and there aren’t any. You have to let it go. It’s only making things worse for yourself.”
“You don’t know that”, Hyunjin sputtered, before he had time to stop himself.
“What?”
“You don’t know that!”

“Know what, Hyunjin? Do you think I haven’t searched for the doors my whole life? Do you seriously think I didn’t try to get me and my baby sister back home before anything would happen? I have searched. I have looked. I have had people around me trying to look for the same things, and each and every single time someone has tried to look for the doors, I have lost them. Do you understand that, Hyunjin?”
Hyunjin opened his mouth, closed it, opened it again. Jisung and Felix looked in from the doorway, clearly confused.
“I have seen three of my friends disappear through those doors. Every single one of them swore they would come back to get me and my sister, and only one of them got as close as to the other side of the door. The other two of them – gone. Gone from this world, gone from that world, gone. And the last one? I pulled the last one through the door, and he died in my arms, bleeding and spitting blood, and the last thing he told me was that there is no way back, the shadows aren’t what they seem. Stop looking! You’re only going to find more death through those doors!”

Silence. So thick one could cut it with a knife. Hyunjin felt like boiling from the bottom of his feet to the top of his head. Seungmin moved his arm, as if to stop Hyunjin from spilling over.

It was useless.

“You don’t get it”, Hyunjin hissed before his voice got louder. He didn’t understand. He didn’t want to understand. “I have everything! I have friends and family, I have to go back! I can’t stay here! I have a future, I have a basketball team that I can’t leave behind! I can’t stay here, I need to go back, and I am not going to stop looking!”
“Then you are only going to get yourself killed!”
“You don’t know that!”
“Yes, I do!”
“Chan, calm down-“, Minho touched Chan’s shoulder lightly.
“I am not letting you put yourself in that kind of danger!” Chan did not calm down.
“You can not control me!”

“Enough!” Seungmin yelled, eyed the both of them. “It won’t hurt to see what’s in these books. Maybe we won’t even find anything, maybe we will find a door that leads back to the real world, maybe not. Reading through some book is not going to hurt any of us.”
Chan closed his eyes for a brief moment, breathed in deep, before he shook Minho’s hand off his shoulder.
“I’m going home. I’m sure you will all find your way back before sunset.”

Chapter Text

Hyunjin felt awful. Horrendous. He had a lump in his throat, he was gripping his backpack with his knuckles white as his steps led him across the forest trail towards their little cottage. The air was tense, it had been tense for the past hours. The sun was slowly setting behind their backs, drawing long shadows on the trail ahead of them as they turned to the smaller trail leading to their house. The golden hour, there was still plenty of time until nightfall. Hyunjin could see smoke rising up over the trees from the chimney. They were quiet, all seven of them, Seungmin in the front mumbled instructions to Minho of any potholes or bigger stones on the trail if he didn’t notice them with his cane. Jisung and Felix walked behind Hyunjin, hands linked together, Changbin walked next to Hyunjin, Jeongin on his other side. They hadn’t spoken, really. It felt awkward, Hyunjin felt awkward, and way too anxious.

After Chan had left, a silence had engulfed all of them. Changbin had looked… disappointed. Yeah. Disappointed. Jisung and Felix had only eyed Hyunjin and Seungmin and hadn’t really said anything else, just pretended to be keen on finding a dictionary of the old language, which they eventually did. Minho had said something about Chan being way too dramatic and then cracked a smile, before asking further questions from Seungmin about the books, but Hyunjin could see the change in him, too. He got a little jumpy, a little more careful than usually, he seemed to listen to his surroundings more attentively with Chan gone. And he had been the one to say that they should start getting back, that Chan was probably worried and waiting for them and he didn’t like that he was alone. So they had left the room with the four, huge books under their arms as they didn’t fit IN their backpacks.

Hyunjin was carrying a book called the Circle. Seungmin was carrying the Constitution. Changbin had the Construction, and Jeongin was carrying a book that had been half-burned, and the first few pages were not readable. The cover had been charred black, they didn’t know what it was called, but it contained a whole lot of geometric-looking pictures. it bothered Hyunjin. Why had it been burned in the first place? And why had it failed? The entire book hadn’t been burnt, just the cover and a few pages, maybe ten-twenty pages. Although, it was quite a lot, since the book was much less thick than the other three books, with the Construction being the thickest, maybe over a thousand pages. It was odd. Seungmin had also thought that.

But the books weren’t the only thing bothering Hyunjin, oh no. He had shown his cards. Now all of the people around him knew that he wanted to go back, that he wasn’t adjusting, he missed his parents and friends and life and all that, and he was desperate to go back. So desperate, that he was willing to put himself in danger, apparently, if Chan’s words were true.

But were they true? Had to be. Chan’s little sister wasn’t here, was she? And maybe… maybe that Yugyeom guy was one of those friends Chan had lost. And maybe everyone else but Hyunjin knew these things. And now everybody knew that Hyunjin was still selfish enough to go against Chan and continue searching and now they probably disliked him and that’s how it at least felt to Hyunjin. He had betrayed them, these people around him, he didn’t… he didn’t really consider himself as one of them.

That was it. The thing that had been bothering him for quite some time now. He didn’t consider himself as one of them, and that was the thing that… kept him going. Among other things. And now all of them knew that, and Hyunjin knew it would create a barrier of ice between him and the rest. The silence was a telltale of that.

Or well, maybe not Seungmin, since Seungmin had been the one helping Hyunjin. And now the others probably saw him in that light, too, since he had stood up for Hyunjin (which warmed his heart but not as much as he would have needed right now) and… and now Hyunjin had messed up his friendships’ too and he was probably overthinking but he couldn’t help the lump in his throat and they stepped into the clearing of the house and Hyunjin wanted to run back to the city and hide to some dark corner because he wasn’t sure if he was ready to face Chan. Or anyone.

Hyunjin didn’t even know what to say. He wasn’t sorry, not really, he didn’t feel sorry for wanting to go back to his old life and being willing to try to find the way there. He was sorry for hurting Chan’s feelings and probably all of the others’, too, but… He didn’t know. His head was a mess and he wanted to cry in a corner and read through the books with Seungmin and. Just something. He wanted to go back, he didn’t feel like he belonged here, and that was his problem, and he felt bad for feeling like that and! God!

Their steps sounded hollow on the porch, Seungmin opened the door and Minho went in first. Chan wasn’t around, but Hyunjin could hear the strings of a guitar being strummed from upstairs. He was in his and Minho’s room, most likely.
“I’m starving, what do you all want for dinner?” Changbin let his backpack drop on the floor as he put the big book on the bureau on the hallway. Hyunjin wasn’t feeling hungry. He felt like bursting. He wanted to go for a run to clear his head, but he knew he couldn’t do that. Jeongin mumbled about a nap and disappeared in the stairs leading upstairs.
“I’m up for anything”, Seungmin gently smiled at Changbin, then glanced at Hyunjin, he looked a little… worried.

And suddenly Hyunjin couldn’t just… take it anymore. He put the book down next to the one Changbin had brought with him, kicked his shoes from his feet and ran upstairs. He heard a faint “Hyunjin?” from behind him with Changbin’s voice, and then a “Let him be for a moment” muttered by Seungmin. Hyunjin opened the door to his and Seungmin’s room, dropped his backpack on the floor, and collapsed on their bed. Let him be for a moment. Hyunjin wanted to scream that he didn’t actually want to just be, he wanted to sob against Seungmin’s shoulder and to hear that he wasn’t actually the one to blame about the tension in the air, but he couldn’t do that. Because he was the reason. And Seungmin wanted to let him be for a while because he needed to clear his head or something.

But the tears didn’t come. No, Hyunjin just stared at the wall, he felt so… empty. Yet somehow there was still a storm inside of him at the same time. He let his eyes wander to the photo on the nightstand, the one where he was with his family, smiling and happy. He wanted to go back, god, he wanted to go back so bad, he wanted to get rid of the ache in his chest and feel his mother’s embrace again, but there was just… there had to be a way. There had to be a way in those books. He had to get back. And if that made him selfish, then so be it.

The minty walls of their room looked deep golden in the evening sunlight, Seungmin had left their window slightly open and a gentle breeze kept the air in the room fresh. The plants on the windowsill were thriving, of course they were, they were Seungmin’s, after all. Hyunjin could hear the guitar sounds as well as sounds from downstairs, something dropped on the ground and Changbin cursed loudly, followed by Felix’s laughter. And Hyunjin felt empty. He could have been there, laughing with them. But he wasn’t, he was upstairs, staring at the wall and wallowing in his feelings. And the fact that he didn’t really belong.

Hyunjin didn’t notice the strums of the guitar stopping, not before there was a knock on his door. Hyunjin swallowed. He knew who it was. It was three slow knocks instead of two fast ones that Seungmin usually did, and Changbin always just screamed that he was coming in three seconds before entering the room. It was Chan, and he was here to talk to Hyunjin. Hyunjin could have just kept quiet, he knew that Chan would have left him alone if he didn’t answer. But that would have made everything worse. So Hyunjin figured he would just take the shitstorm that was most likely about to hit, and then cry afterwards because Chan would probably tell him to piss off from his house or something.

“Yeah?” Hyunjin croaked out, it took a couple of seconds before the door cracked open. Hyunjin had been correct. Chan opened the door, stood at the door frame, looking a little awkward. He didn’t look threatening. Just… sad?
“Can we talk?” He asked. He didn’t sound threatening either.
Hyunjin nodded. What else could he have done? He didn’t really want to talk, no, he wanted to sleep for three days in a row. But he didn’t tell that to Chan, and the next thing he knew, Chan pulled the stool from underneath the desk on Hyunjin’s side of the bed and sat down in front of Hyunjin.

“I’m really bad at this, so I’ll just get to the point. I’m sorry for yelling at you.”
Hyunjin glanced at the boy in front of him, a little surprised. Chan was looking at him, his eyes looked… sad. He seemed sad. Hyunjin had no idea what to say, so he just… nodded.
“It’s okay”, he mumbled after a breath of silence.
“I, um…” Chan swallowed, turned his eyes away, now he was looking at the floor instead of Hyunjin. Hyunjin realized this was the first time he was alone with Chan anywhere. They hadn’t really spent time together all that much, sure, they had sat around the same table during dinners and breakfasts and lunch and walked to the city together and watched movies together but… they hadn’t been together just the two of them, ever.

Chan breathed in deep, this wasn’t easy for him, Hyunjin could tell that much, and he felt bad. He felt bad that he had put them in this situation and… all that.
“Sorry, I don’t do this very often”, Chan flashed him an apologetic smile, which Hyunjin returned, albeit a bit awkwardly.
“Anyway, yeah, I’m sorry. For lashing out. I am in no way in control when it comes to what you want to do in this… realm and if you want to search for the doors, then you do that. And I can’t blame you for wanting to go back, I really can’t, I once did, too, but…” Chan quieted down, that same awkward smile still on his features.

“But?” Hyunjin whispered, of course he did, he was curious and couldn’t stop himself. Pain flashed in Chan’s eyes.
“I, uh… Yeah, I lost some people in the search for the doors. Or more like, all of them.”
“I’m sorry”, Hyunjin mumbled, he didn’t want to push the boy, if he didn’t want to talk, then he shouldn’t talk.

Chan shook his head. “When we… when we first arrived here, the harbor was empty. I had spent a month on the ship with my sister and suddenly everything was just… empty. No one was in the harbor, we had to maneuver ourselves with smaller boats to the shore. There were roughly one hundred people on the ship, crew included. All of us, we were just… in awe. There was no one around. The whole city had been abandoned. I had no one but my sister.”

Chan swallowed before he continued: “We had no idea what was about to hit. With the sundown came the shadows, and we had no idea what they were. We kept running from them the whole night, I still can’t quite understand how we did it, how some of us survived. Out of roughly a hundred people twenty lived to see the daylight.”

“In that twenty was me, my sister, and a friend of mine. Younghyun. We had met each other at the ship, he worked there in the boiler room. The captain had survived, too, and a few others. We had absolutely no idea what was going on, or what the hell had chased after us in the night. That’s why we decided to try to look for answers, but found instead a group of people. Or rather, they found us.”

“There was a clash. A conflict. I still don’t get it, but I guess the other group thought there were too many of us, since there were only seven of them. Some of the people separated from us, we stayed with the new group as they had some idea how to get rid of the shadows. That’s where I met Bambam. The same had happened to him, he had been on a ship and the ship had arrived at an empty harbor a few hundred kilometers east. So we decided to stay, we needed a place to stay, my sister was six and I knew she couldn’t take another night of running.”

“Now there were seventeen of us, ten people had separated from us. The new group didn’t really know anything either, except that salt and water kept the shadows away.
So we stayed with them, a few kilometers away from the big city. We saw shadows every night. There were people who had been there for ages, then there were newer ones, apparently every few months they got a new one, never such a big group as us. Same thing had happened to Bambam’s original group as had happened to us – out of sixty people thirteen had survived, and out of those thirteen only five were alive at that point.”

“After that it was quite some time just… chilling. Surviving from one day to another, we got to know our surroundings, discovered the doors and realized that the doors showed up wherever they wanted with zero logic. Me, Younghyun and Bambam got closer, a few winters passed, we grew together.”

A brief silence, Chan still wasn’t looking at Hyunjin, he was looking at the ground, eyes nearly glassy.

“Until we didn’t.”

“Younghyun found a logic in the doors. He had watched over them, one showed up on a certain window every fifteenth day, just before sunset. You can recognize the doors, you know. They seem to ripple, or more like flicker, if you look close enough and focus. So Younghyun told us about it, and were so excited! It could have been our way back, the spirits were high, and we were getting ready for the fifteenth day and the door opening again.”

“We knew we didn’t have much time in between the sunset and complete sundown, and the doors didn’t stay open for long. That’s why we made a plan that ten of us would go through the door, and then on the next fifteenth day someone would show up at the other side of the door and the rest could go in after that. It was stupid. We should have sent only one. Ten people went in, Younghyun among them, me, Bambam and my sister stayed behind with a few others.”

“Then something… happened. Suddenly there was just… a swarm of shadows around us. It felt like the moment someone had passed in through the door, some shadows had got out of the doors, too.”
Chan swallowed again.
“Only me, my sister and Bambam survived to see the next morning. And on the fifteenth day, no one showed up on the other side of the door. We didn’t dare to go in.”

Oh.

“We traveled around a little after that, found a bunch of new people who had just fallen through a store window in a small town. There weren’t many shadows around, so they had managed to live for a few nights and only lost three friends. We befriended each other, that’s where I met Yugyeom.”
Oh?
“It just… clicked. The three of us, me, Bambam and Yugyeom. Even my baby sister found a friend, Yugyeom had his little brother with him. Me and Bambam told the new people about the doors and all that we had found out, that there was some logic to them. The only difference this time was that… I wasn’t so sure about the doors anymore.”

“It was all so… good.” Chan leaned against the backrest of his chair, his whole posture seemed to relax, nostalgia took over him. Bittersweet, Hyunjin could tell that from his voice. “There were twelve of us, and for a moment, we were happy. Then Yugyeom started… fixating on the doors. He wanted to get back, he was an aspiring painter and didn’t want to miss his chances in the real world.”
Hyunjin swallowed. Oh, how familiar that sounded.
“We found a door. One window flickered after every new moon. I wasn’t feeling excited, I could still remember the swarm of shadows surrounding us the last time someone had passed through a door.”

Chan’s voice seemed to quiet down a little, as if a cloud had passed over a sky: “We made a plan, we thought it was a good one. Yugyeom and Bambam would leave together, then they would come fetch the rest of us, just to be sure. This time we were in our little house by the woods, away from the shadows, surrounded by a circle of salt as the two of them passed through the door.”

“The moon changed. I waited for a new one. And then it came, and the door… opened.”

Chan’s hands were shaking, so was his voice, only a whisper by now: “I… I waited at the other end and… and… I was already giving up hope.”

“But then… he appeared. Yugyeom”, Chan stopped to take a deep breath. “He was there, on the other side, just… he had wounds all over him, he was bleeding from his mouth, nose and eyes and… I don’t think I will ever get that picture out of my head. He seemed to… I don’t know, it seemed like he… was hitting a window or something in between us and I just… I grabbed him and pulled him through the door.”

“He slumped against me and we fell on the ground. The last words he whispered to me was that the shadows aren’t what they seem, and there will never be a way back, because we… something. I never… heard the last three words. After that he took his last breath and… all hell broke loose.”

“The shadows swarmed around us again, and I had brought the remaining nine people with me, because we thought we would be the next ones going in.”

“Only one of us lived to see the daylight. I had to bury my sister, Yugyeom and eight others the next morning.”

Hyunjin couldn’t tear his eyes away from Chan. He seemed so… beaten down. Broken. He had… Hyunjin couldn’t imagine the loss he had been through. Then he breathed in, straightened his posture again and turned his eyes back to Hyunjin, as if he hadn’t just… told all of that to him.
“I’m… I’m very sorry”, Hyunjin managed to mumble. Chan answered with a lopsided smile that didn’t reach his eyes.

“I guess my point is that… I can’t stop you from searching for the doors. I don’t know if the next door you’ll find is going to be the right one. I don’t even know if there is a right one. I don’t know if the books hold the directions to the right one. All I know is that I’m not going to help you search for it, because I don’t believe anything good can come out of those doors. I just hope that when you find a door, because you most likely will, think twice. Think what I have just told you, and ask yourself if you are ready for the danger that might lurk in the realms the doors lead to. Ask yourself if you are ready to put us in that kind of danger, because every time someone goes through the doors, more shadows appear. And if you are, then by all means, try to search for your family. I just don’t want any business in it. I have caused enough death for my lifetime.”

For a moment Chan and Hyunjin simply stared at each other. Then Chan stuck his hand out:
“Are we good?”
Hyunjin broke the eye contact and took his hand. “Yeah”, he mumbled and shook Chan’s hand.
“Great. I think the dinner should be ready soon, we should go join the others downstairs.”

***

Hyunjin didn’t sleep peacefully. Seungmin did, snored right next to Hyunjin’s ear half of the night and Hyunjin didn’t have the heart to push him on his own side. Of course he didn’t. At the beginning of the night Jeongin signaled of shadows and Hyunjin had spent at least half an hour just searching for them from the treeline, he had seen a few. Or well, as much as one could see of them. He had thought of Chan’s words, he really had, what had he meant by swarming? Did the shadows somehow… use the doors, too? Chan had said there was logic to the doors, that one could spot them from the slight rippling the doors made on reflective surfaces… So Hyunjin would have to find them. He could find them, he knew that, he just had to find the right one, he didn’t want to… end up like Chan’s friends. That’s why he’d have to wait until they’d decipher the books.

The rest of the last evening had gone by in a little awkwardness, but as soon as the others noticed that Chan and Hyunjin were cool with each other again, that awkwardness seeped away through the cracks of the floor and the air was soon filled with laughter again. Seungmin hadn’t asked about it, he had just raised his eyebrow at Hyunjin and glanced at Chan at the dinner table and Hyunjin had just nodded. How much did Seungmin know? Had he heard Chan’s story? Most likely not, the others had said that he didn’t really talk about himself. How much had he put of himself into his diaries in the attic? Hyunjin wanted to pry. But that wouldn’t have been nice.

The next day they had a cleaning day, which meant that they didn’t have much time to dive into the books, and Hyunjin could feel that everyone was a bit hesitant, on the edge, kept glancing at the four, large books on the bureau. No one really… wanted to find out what was in them. They could all feel it, there had to be something, that hidden room didn’t exist in the real world, so it had to mean something, there were odd drawings and all that. But they were hesitant to find out. Afraid that there was… too much in those books.

Hyunjin helped Changbin clean downstairs, after that they had to chop some more firewood, and Hyunjin was glad that there wasn’t any… ice between him and Changbin. Changbin just talked to him like on any other day, completely disregarding his little confession of how he didn’t want to be there. They simply chatted and chilled until Changbin had to go to take a nap before his turn as the night guard, and Hyunjin found himself playing a car game with Jeongin through the whole evening as Seungmin was nowhere to be found. Or well, he was, he was gardening with Felix and for some reason Hyunjin felt too shy to go bother him, and Jeongin also didn’t give him any options to run away from him, so, game night it was.

Minho and Chan went for an evening walk before sunset, as the evening was a very beautiful one. It was warm, the sky was cloudless, the sunset painted everything golden. Hyunjin and Chan hadn’t spoken much during the day except for breakfast since Hyunjin, Minho and Chan had been the first ones up once again. Jisung and Felix were their normal selves, or at least tried to, Hyunjin had a feeling that the thought of doors back to the real world unsettled the both of them. And for a good reason.

And as every single day for the entirety of Hyunjin’s life, the day came to yet another end and Changbin took his flashlight and shotgun as he left the late dinner table to start his turn as the night watch. Hyunjin wasn’t feeling all too well nor tired, so he followed Changbin outside, sat on the porch on the other side of the door. There weren’t any shadows, just glowing little lights moving around, something green flickered in the forest, and the foxes ran around the yard, the little fox cubs played around. Suddenly the door opened, Minho, followed by Chan decided to join Changbin and Hyunjin outside, and Hyunjin got surprised by Chan who handed him a glass. And then he placed a few bottles of wine on the porch table before sitting down.
“Now that’s an unusual sight”, Changbin laughed, eyed at the bottles on the table.  

Alright. Hyunjin hadn’t expected this turn of events tonight, but he wasn’t going to say no to some wine.

Seungmin stuck his head out of the doorway, curious, and was surprised to see four people sitting outside. It didn’t take long for the other four to join them, and then it was all eight of them and too many bottles of wine on the porch, and Jisung had found something a lot stronger from one of the cupboards of the kitchen and brought it out, too. The wine wasn’t good, but Hyunjin drank it because that’s what he had been taught in the countless house parties he had gone to. Younghoon had told him to never turn down a drink if it was free, so…

And maybe, just maybe Hyunjin needed an excuse to sit just a little closer to Seungmin, and what was a better excuse than ‘oh, I was drunk, I get really clingy’, which wasn’t even really an excuse, because Hyunjin actually got very clingy when he was drunk. Of course, he would have stopped if Seungmin would have seemed uncomfortable, but… he didn’t. He just sat there, thigh to thigh next to Hyunjin and giggled in his glass of wine as Jisung told them a story of how he had learned to drive a car and Felix had cursed at him in multiple languages when he had accidentally crashed it to a tree. Nothing had happened to them, luckily, since Jisung had driven slowly, but that had been the third car he had busted up and Felix had been sick of searching for new ones.

It was odd. Warm. The lights flickering around them, the darkness of the forest, the atmosphere around them was so calm. Chan had his arm around Minho, and Minho didn’t seem to mind, and Hyunjin had a hunch Chan, too, used the bottle of wine as an excuse to keep his hand wrapped around Minho’s waist. Changbin didn’t drink, Hyunjin kept himself in check, too, he didn’t want to be too drunk and end up crying on Seungmin’s shoulder and accidentally confessing. That thought terrified him, he couldn’t do that. The conversation flowed on, the foxes kept playing around the yard, as the night around them deepened, so did the conversations. Jisung and Felix told them about the war, Changbin told them how deep into depression he had been at one point in his life, just before he had fallen into the realm they were in, and he believed, just a bit, that it had actually saved him. Applesauce fell asleep on Minho’s lap, Jeongin told them how he sometimes woke up to dreams of his parents dying right in front of his eyes, and that got Seungmin hugging him, teary-eyed.

Hyunjin didn’t say much. He felt like he didn’t… have anything to say. All of the people around him had been through so, so much, and he didn’t have any… tragedies in his past, his life had been fairly easy. But he listened, tried to memorize everything, all while sitting next to Seungmin. Seungmin didn’t talk all that much, either. Maybe Hyunjin would have wanted him to. Maybe he would have wanted to find out if he… had any… secrets. Or something like that. But maybe Seungmin, too, had had a fairly normal life as Hyunjin and couldn’t really say much, not when these people around them had been through so much and…

“So, Hyunjin. Have you ever been in love?” Hyunjin nearly choked on his wine as Changbin crossed his arms on his chest, eyes glimmering with mischief.
“Tell us! No secrets in this house!” Felix laughed, but Hyunjin could tell he wasn’t being serious. Hyunjin wanted to murder Changbin on the spot, and he hoped it was evident from his eyes.
“I, uhm”, why were they here, how had they got here, and why was he the one being questioned? “I, I don’t think so.”
“Are you sure?” Changbin cocked his eyebrow at him.
“Yeah. I’m… I have had a… crush or two or three, but I wouldn’t call that being in love”, he said, truthfully. Hyunjin didn’t really know what being in love felt like, at least he assumed they were talking about romantic love. He wouldn’t call his crush on Seungmin love just yet. Even if it was deep. It just wasn’t… maybe it wasn’t deep enough yet and it wouldn’t get deep enough as Seungmin didn’t return his feelings.
“Tell us about your crushes! What were they like? Or are?” Minho butted in, Hyunjin sucked in a breath through his teeth.

“Uh. Um. Well. There’s not much to tell…” Yes, there was.
“Sure there is. What’s your type?” Minho wasn’t going to let him get away, was he?
“Well, there… was this… one friend from middle school and… a friend from high school.”
Hyunjin could feel Seungmin’s eyes on him.
“A friend from high school, huh? What were they like?” Hyunjin wanted to mouth ‘shut the fuck up’ to Changbin, but didn’t.
“They are. Cool.”
“Are?” Oh no.
“…Yeah.”
“So you still have a crush on them?”
“…Yeah.”
“Oooh! What are they like?” Jisung, too?!
“They are. Cool. As I said.”
“C’mon, Hyunjin! Give us something else!” Even Jeongin was into this and Hyunjin wanted to disappear through the mud into the earth’s core.
“They are cool. And smart. And… nice.” Hyunjin wanted to lie, but at the same time he… didn’t.
“Did they go to our university?” Seungmin asked, and Hyunjin couldn’t help but glance at him.
“…Yeah”, Hyunjin croaked out. The expression on Seungmin’s face was unreadable. Hyunjin had no idea what he was feeling or thinking or anything. Oh, if he only knew that Hyunjin was talking about him.

“Seungmin, do you know them?” Minho asked, again. Seungmin shrugged, before he seemed to remember that Minho couldn’t see that:
“I don’t think so. Me and Hyunjin didn’t really move in the same circles.” Did he sound… disappointed?

Hyunjin could feel how Changbin’s gaze burned into him, but he refused to look at the boy keeping watch over them.
“How about you, Seungmin?” Changbin asked. Jisung had his head leaning against Felix’s shoulder and a faint smile on his face. He was drunk, Hyunjin could tell that much. Jeongin was, too. Seungmin’s nose was getting red. Just like in that photo Hyunjin had of him. Had had.

Seungmin’s expression seemed to fall for a second, before a slightly sad smile tugged the corners of his mouth:
“I don’t think I’m really made to be loved.”
Hyunjin could feel his stomach drop.
“What do you mean?” Changbin asked, before Hyunjin had time to embarrass himself. Seungmin glanced around, a bit nervously.
“It’s just… I’m really bad at getting crushes. Or it’s more like… I won’t let myself get them because I just… know they will never work out.”
“How so?”
Seungmin shrugged. “They never have before. A whole two of them. And I… Well, no one has ever confessed to me and everyone’s just got love confessions all around me for most of my life, all my friends and all that, so, I guess I’m not really the type that was made to be loved. And I’ve always been the sort of… odd one out, anyway, and quite boring, so… yeah. And now I’m here. I’m used to it. I’m fine with it.”
Hyunjin swallowed, this wasn’t fun, what the hell. Seungmin was made to be loved! He was made to be cherished and appreciated and loved so deeply it would fill out the entire world with pink roses! Hyunjin wanted to yell that to him, but he didn’t. He didn’t. He simply sat there, next to Seungmin, staring at him, his glass halfway on the way to his lips, because he was so appalled by what Seungmin had just said. What the hell?

And at that moment, Hyunjin made a decision. He was going to tell Seungmin. Maybe it was his drunk brain, maybe it was the absolute state of shock he was in, but he was going to tell him. Even if it would never work out. Even if Seungmin would never like him, he had to tell him, he had to let Seungmin know that he wasn’t unlovable, he was made to love and he deserved love, even if he wouldn’t return Hyunjin’s feelings. He had to know. Seungmin would have to know it, and Hyunjin would have to tell him.

“How about you, Minho? You have never really talked about your love life.” Felix broke the breath of silence that had fallen after Seungmin’s confession.
“There isn’t much to talk about.”
“I doubt that”, Changbin mumbled, he damn well knew Minho could hear him. Chan looked suddenly very sour.
“I’ve been in love, if that’s what you’re asking. I am, actually. Have been for quite some time now. Too bad the one I’m in love with is a fucking dumbass, so there isn’t much to talk about.” It shouldn’t have been a shock to anyone, but Hyunjin still couldn’t help the surprised expression on his face. He could see that Changbin could barely contain himself. There were five heartbeats of silence, so deafening Hyunjin was afraid of what would happen next.

“O-oh, you should have told me, I wouldn’t have-“
“It’s you, you fucking dumbass”, Minho turned to Chan, who had just attempted to let go of Minho, clearly not understanding the situation.
“What?” Chan croaked out, Hyunjin could see in the warm light coming from the windows that his ears were turning red.
Minho let out a laugh, which sounded surprisingly warm and fond: “It’s you. It’s always been you.”

Chapter Text

The next morning arrived with fair weather, a few clouds passing by on the sky and birds singing in the trees. Hyunjin nuzzled a bit closer to the source of warmth next to him, his head felt a little heavy, he wasn’t ready to wake to the new day just yet. He could hear talking from downstairs, blending into the sounds of the old house. The covers around him were warm, but there was something even warmer next to him. Hyunjin’s eyes fluttered open, it took him a moment to get used to the bright light of the morning streaming through the slightly open curtains. Then he realized that there was something dark brown very, very close to his face.

It was Seungmin! Seungmin’s hair, to be specific! With an audible gasp Hyunjin pulled back, he had accidentally rolled over to Seungmin’s side and slept right next to him, nearly in his embrace! Horrifying! What if he had bothered Seungmin?! But the boy just grunted and turned a little, he didn’t wake up from his slumber, in fact, he seemed to turn back to Hyunjin’s side, searching for the warmth that had just left him. Lord, usually it was Seungmin rolling over, how was Hyunjin acting like this so suddenly!

Or not suddenly. Maybe he did this often. Seungmin just was too polite to say anything, or he didn’t know, since he was a deep sleeper.

Hyunjin sighed and ran a hand over his face, massaged his aching temples. The headache wasn’t bad. It was just… bothersome. His muscles felt a little sore, as they usually did after drinking. And then the memories returned, whew, what a night had last one been! The first feeling that engulfed Hyunjin was something akin to sadness, followed by determination. Seungmin. He didn’t… believe that he was made to be loved, and Hyunjin wanted to show him that his beliefs were wrong. Hyunjin felt bad, why had… how had no one fallen in love with Seungmin yet? Apart from himself, of course. Or maybe someone had, they had just been too shy to say anything about it. That had to be it, Seungmin was everything but unlovable. He was so… everything. Hyunjin didn’t even have words for it. Seungmin was everything. There had to be people admiring him from afar, Seungmin just didn’t know it and had started to believe that he was unlovable.

And Hyunjin was one of those people. Admiring him from afar. But that would change, it would, once Hyunjin would find some courage from beneath a few layers in him.

But the night hadn’t ended there, had it? Oh no. Minho had confessed his feelings to Chan. And Chan had just stared at him for at least twenty seconds, mouth agape, so long Minho had started to worry and nearly apologized and Chan had simply muttered a slightly pathetic-sounding “w-what?” before Minho had laughed at him, taken his hand, risen up and led him inside with a “me and Chan are going to have a little chat” to the rest of them. The second the door had closed behind the entire porch had bursted into laughter, and maybe Hyunjin had laughed until his stomach had hurt, maybe it was the alcohol, maybe it was the laughter creating more laughter, maybe it was the way no one had seen it coming. They had all been so used to Minho and Chan tiptoeing around each other not-so-carefully that no one had anticipated the night would turn in such a direction.

Well, finally. Hyunjin sure hoped the two of them had talked about it. And maybe kissed about it.

With a sigh Hyunjin rose up, but not before glancing at the peacefully sleeping Seungmin next to him. He changed his clothes, went to wash his face, he figured that the voices he could hear emanating from downstairs belonged to Felix, Jisung and Jeongin. Seungmin was still sleeping, and Hyunjin didn’t have the heart to wake him up as he wasn’t sure if the boy was going to be hungover. Not that any of them had really drunk all that much (except for Jisung), just to get the conversation flowing in levels a little deeper than usually, but still…

Hyunjin descended the stairs down, the steps creaking a little, just as he was used to by now. The same hallway greeted him as usually did, the light streaming through the windows wasn’t enough to light it up properly, as usually. Hyunjin realized that there were so many usuals around him now – he was usually among the first ones up, he usually spent his time with Seungmin or Changbin after breakfast, he usually did this and that and suddenly there was a routine. Hyunjin had created himself a routine, without even realizing it. He was adapting, wasn’t he? He was getting used to this. All of it. Was it good? He didn’t know. On one hand, yes. On the other, no. He didn’t want to adapt, he didn’t want to get familiar, he wanted to go home. He always wanted to go home. This wasn’t… home.

“Morning, sunshine!” Felix smiled at Hyunjin from the breakfast table, Jisung looked like absolutely hell sitting next to him with his hair messed up and nothing but a glass of orange juice in front of him. A cure for hangovers, Hyunjin knew.
“Morning”, Hyunjin mumbled as he pulled a chair for himself next to Jeongin and sat down. This wasn’t very usual, there were quite a lot of unusual things in this morning, on the contrary to the routine. Jeongin usually wasn’t among the first ones up. Jisung and Felix were occasionally, but more often it was Hyunjin, Minho and Felix up as the first ones. Hyunjin figured Felix hadn’t given Jisung other choices than to wake up.

“Is it late already?” Hyunjin glanced at the sunshine outside. The morning dew wasn’t visible anymore.
“Quite. Later than usually”, Felix answered as he made himself a sandwich. Hyunjin decided to follow his lead.
“Oh.”
“Seungmin’s still asleep?” Jeongin asked in turn.
“Yeah.”
“I wonder when the two are going to wake up”, the boy mumbled into his glass of juice, and as if on cue, they all heard the ring of a little bell from upstairs and two pairs of steps descending down the stairs, others a bit more careful than the others. Hyunjin glanced at the three others around the table, he could feel the atmosphere of anticipation lingering around them. Soon enough Minho came into the view, Chan trailing right behind him, looking absolutely everywhere except at the three of them.

“Good morning”, Jeongin couldn’t keep the laughter away from his voice. Applesauce meowed immediately as she noticed Minho arriving, and Minho had to rush to the kitchen to give her breakfast.
“Morning”, Chan mumbled, “has any of you brewed any morning tea yet?”
They all shook their heads, Hyunjin didn’t feel like tea this morning, he just wanted orange juice and a painkiller for the annoying headache. Chan sighed as he turned around the corner into the kitchen after his… boyfriend?

The three of them eyed each other, Jisung seemingly had woken up from his hangover haze, too. It was quiet, none of them spoke until Minho arrived from the kitchen with a grin tugging the corners of his mouth and sat down.
“Good morning! Is everyone up already?”
“No, it’s Jisung, Felix, Hyunjin and Jeongin”, Jisung croaked, it was the first thing he had said all morning.
“Ah, so Seungmin and Changbin are still asleep.”
“Hyunjin, do you want tea?” Chan yelled from the kitchen.
“No, thank you”, Hyunjin yelled back at him, and soon Chan arrived with his own steaming mug of tea and sat down next to Minho. Even if there would have been space opposite to him, too.

“So I guess you two have talked it out”, Jeongin grinned. Of course, what a little brotherly thing to do. Hyunjin could see the little, red spots just slightly disappearing under Chan’s shirt. Minho was exactly the same. Chan flushed from head to toe, Minho looked just very proud of himself.
“We have”, Minho confirmed Jeongin’s assumption.
“And I thought me and Felix were slow”, Jisung snorted and got a very deathly glare from Chan.
“We were slow because I had no idea how to tell you that I love you in your language and you, also, were a bit of a dumbass to understand that if I recall correctly”, Felix glanced at his dearest next to him which efficiently shut Jisung up.
“I feel so single”, Jeongin whispered jokingly next to Hyunjin, and Hyunjin couldn’t help but nod in agreement.

Minho let Chan gather him a breakfast because the boy so keenly (but quietly and rather shyly) insisted on doing that. The silence fell around the table, no one really knew how to act now that there actually, finally, was a new couple in the house. Which didn’t even surprise anyone, but it was still odd and new. Luckily for them, yet another pair of steps descended downstairs and a sleepy Seungmin walked into the dining room, looking anything but surprised or awkward by the sight around the table.
“Good morning. Do we have any plans for today or are we going to start deciphering the books?”

***

The awkwardness didn’t linger. Soon enough all of them realized that Minho and Chan were acting just the same as before, Chan still asked permission every time when he wanted to touch Minho or when he wanted to lead him outside, he still mumbled “It’s Chan” every time he sat close to Minho, just as before. Nothing had changed. Or well, Chan wasn’t as careful now, he wasn’t tiptoeing anymore, he was… himself and in love. And Hyunjin figured he and Minho tried to downplay it a bit, just because they knew they’d get Changbin and Jeongin after their asses if they’d start getting too touchy-feely in the presence of others.

They went along with their day, did all the tasks as they were supposed to, Hyunjin noticed that Changbin kept on glancing at him and Seungmin almost periodically, and one time Hyunjin held his gaze and shook his head, just slightly. He knew what the boy thought. He was not going to confess, he was anything but ready for that. Besides, Seungmin didn’t even… like him that way. Probably. Most likely.

As the day turned from noon to afternoon with lunch that Hyunjin and Changbin made (yes, there were snarky comments and yes, Hyunjin nearly threw the soup pot on his friend), they all found themselves sitting around the living room table, with the four books in the middle. They were all perhaps a little hesitant on touching them, Chan clearly didn’t fancy the situation at all, he kept playing with Minho’s fingers and didn’t even look at the books. Seungmin reached for the first one.
“I’ll take this, Hyunjin and Changbin and Jeongin, take the second one and search for… I don’t know. The rest, too, try to look for text that can be understood without the dictionaries, any drawings that might help and… something.”

Hyunjin reached for the book, the one called Constitution. He could feel how his hands got a little sticky from all of the dust on the book. Changbin pulled his chair closer to Hyunjin, so did Jeongin, and shoulder to shoulder they started… searching for anything. The book cover felt leathery, and Hyunjin figured it was most likely real leather, as the book was… still intact, but clearly old. Very old. Hyunjin wanted to know how old, but he had a feeling that he would never get a correct answer.

The first page revealed the circles, and with squiggly cursive, “The Constitution”. Hyunjin and Changbin glanced at each other, then Hyunjin glanced at Seungmin, who had taken the book that was a bit burnt. He scrolled through the dictionary, then through the book, then made some notes on his book, clearly already in his own world. Chan had, albeit a bit reluctantly taken the last book called the Circle, and was turning the pages, telling Minho what he saw in it. Felix and Jisung were scrolling through the book about the Construction. Whatever the construction meant.

Hyunjin turned the page, there was the table of contents. The ink had faded a lot with the time, he couldn’t really make out the words, but he could make out the numbers. There were at least twenty chapters to the book, it was the thickest one out of all of them. Seungmin’s was the shortest. He had a crease in between his brows as he was trying to decipher the book. It was endearing. And Changbin gently nudged Hyunjin’s shoulder, he had clearly stared a bit too long.

“The Circle is some kind of organization. Or was”, Chan voiced. “There are pictures, or more like paintings of them standing around a table that is a circle. And on the table are etched the circles we have seen.”
So some kind of organization was behind… all of this? Interesting. Also horrifying, suddenly Hyunjin remembered every single movie he had seen of cults and organizations that worked behind the systems of society.
“They seem… ancient”, Chan continued, his interest clearly peaking a bit. Maybe he was curious, after all.

Hyunjin turned to a new page. There were passages upon passages, just text upon text. Hyunjin sighed, Jeongin urged him to turn the pages more, none of the three were all that fond of starting to scramble through the text without the dictionary that Seungmin had.  More pages of text, some more faded, ink had spilled a bit, some paragraphs looked like they had been written in a haste.
“It’s a book of laws”, Changbin suddenly breathed out.
“Huh?”
“Look at it. Every paragraph starts with this weird thing. Constitution. Constitutional law. The foundation.” Changbin pointed at the sentences, before sliding the book a bit closer to him and turning the pages, pointing out the little marks in front of each paragraph. Some paragraphs were longer, some shorter, some only a few words and some almost three pages.
“We’re too dumb for this”, Jeongin mumbled, Hyunjin snorted at him. Jeongin was right, if this truly was law text in front of them, then… they would need Seungmin.

“Felix and Jisung, have you two found anything?”
“A lot of drawings. Maps. They look a little bit like the world maps, but a bit different. Like… the continents are a bit in… different places.”
“You mean that the… what? How fucking old are these books?” Changbin shrieked.
“I don’t know… Or maybe they’re not maps from the real world, from our history. There are a lot of maps, they’re almost the same but there are small differences in different places.” Felix slid the book to Changbin over the table, and Felix had been correct, the maps were basically the same, but slightly different. They were unnamed, there weren’t really any markings on them. Some maps were of particular places, some were of the whole wide world. Some maps had geometric drawings on top of them. Changbin slid the book back to Felix and Jisung and turned back to the law book in front of them.

“It’s so weird...” Seungmin finally mumbled.
“How so?” Hyunjin asked.
“It’s like… this book is burnt from all the correct places, I feel like. It doesn’t hold any helpful information. Pages are missing. Ink has been splattered over some pages.”
“What is it about?” The book Seungmin had had been burnt from the cover, too. Seungmin swallowed, glanced at Hyunjin:
“It’s… something about doorways. I haven’t got far yet. But it… uhm… it just says that the doors can be extremely dangerous when forced to appear, and it shouldn’t be done in under any circumstances.”
Hyunjin could feel the blood rushing in his veins, his heartbeat got a little faster. He noticed Chan glancing at him, then at Seungmin.
“That doesn’t sound good…” Jisung mumbled, the rest of then nodding along, except Hyunjin. That… No. Hyunjin didn’t want to accept it.
“I’ll read more, maybe there is something. Like the reason for it being dangerous, I can’t really… I don’t know. The doors are open all the time, anyway, what kind of horrible thing would one more do?”

Hyunjin could see that Seungmin said it to ease Hyunjin’s mind. He could feel it from the way the boy held his gaze, so gently and carefully. Hyunjin simply nodded as an answer, his mouth felt a bit too dry to really answer to him. He returned to the book in front of him, more just walls of text that made Hyunjin’s head spin.
“World order”, Jeongin then muttered.
“Hm?”
“It… It keeps on appearing in the laws. Those two words. It seems like they’re… well, haven’t changed in the past centuries or something.” Jeongin pointed out, and now Hyunjin could see it, too. Nearly in every paragraph, there were the two words “world order”, written in ink, some faded, some not.
“So this constitution is about the entire world? Whew”, Changbin stared at the pages. “Seems like quite a feat for… people like us.”
“Maybe these books aren’t made for people like us”, Seungmin mumbled. “It just… it feels like these have been done to be as difficult as possible to understand if you’re not… part of the circle.”
“Makes sense. Keeps the others out”, Chan said. Hyunjin didn’t want to be others, he needed to be in the Circle to understand. A silence fell again, pages were being turned, Applesauce decided she wanted to sleep on Minho’s lap instead of the couch.

After a while, Chan sighed.
“Do we even know what would happen if we somehow got through the doors. Would we return back to our… own time? Would we just… lose each other?”
“I doubt it”, Seungmin answered to him. “Since we die when we get here, or something, and the world keeps turning in the real world. Maybe we’d just… fall back into the present that’s going on in the real world and continue from there.”
“Wait, what?” Changbin mumbled, the others looked a bit alarmed, too. “What do you mean we die when we get here?”
“…You don’t know?” Seungmin looked a bit surprised.
“No?”

Seungmin nodded towards Hyunjin, he could feel all the eyes on him.
“Oh… Yeah. You die when you fall through the doors”, Hyunjin mumbled. The whole moment seemed to stop.
“What do you mean?” Changbin asked. His expression was somewhat unreadable.
“I…” Hyunjin swallowed. Oh, the memories. “W-when Seungmin… fell through the door, he was found dead from the place he had fallen through. He had just… dropped dead at that bus stop. They couldn’t find any reason, it was like his heart had just stopped.” Hyunjin eyed the people around him, Felix looked a bit confused, so did Jeongin:
“Oh. So we’re all dead in the real world?”

“That’s not… well, yes, but that’s not all of it.” Hyunjin continued, his eyes on Seungmin, and didn’t leave him after that. “After the… funeral for Seungmin I, uh… Well, I noticed that… people had started to forget Seungmin. Like his… best friend didn’t remember him anymore, but I did. For some reason I still remembered him. I think it was because I saw Seungmin from the reflection, the doorway, so I kept… remembering him.”
“What do you mean forget?” Chan asked.
“People just didn’t remember him anymore. His parents moved away and I could never ask them. And then”, Hyunjin swallowed again, Seungmin looked a little sad, but still so… like he had accepted it all. “Then I went to the graveyard and… his grave wasn’t there. It had just disappeared, and so had all of the articles and… photos.” Something seemed to click in place in his brain. “W-wait, wait, I have a photo album, I’ll show you all, hold on!”

Hyunjin scrambled up, nearly knocked his chair down in the process, left the seven of them confused around the table. Hyunjin hadn’t even remembered that he still had the photo album with him as the only photo he needed was on his nightstand. He ran up the stairs and into his and Seungmin’s bedroom, opened his closet and rummaged through his belongings. He found the photo album quickly as he didn’t have that much stuff and hurried back down. He nearly slammed the album on the table next to Seungmin and flipped through the pages. First grade, second grade, his cousin’s graduation, he skipped a lot of pages, middle school, high school, second grade of high school.
“There, right there, the empty space next to me-!“

Except the space wasn’t empty. There he was, Seungmin, staring at the camera with a gentle smile. There he was, like he had never been gone from the photos. Hyunjin felt the blood in his veins freeze. Seungmin looked a bit surprised.
“I- I- I- Seungmin, I swear, you were gone, you were gone from the pictures, there were just empty spaces, and I was alone in that one selfie we took at the high school graduation party and youweren’tthereiswear-“
“Hyunjin, I believe you”, Seungmin said and took his hand. Hyunjin noticed he was shaking, he felt a little lightheaded.
“I swear, you were gone from all of the pictures, even the one at the university-“ Hyunjin whimpered. Seungmin forced him to sit down next to him.
“I believe you. It’s not the most insane thing I have heard ever since coming here”, Seungmin gently smiled. Changbin took the photo album, flipped through a few pages, laughed at baby Hyunjin in his little bathtub with chocolate ice cream all over his face.
“How did you notice Seungmin was gone from the pictures?” Chan asked, he, too, had this gentle tone to his speech. Gentle, but curious.
“I”, Hyunjin swallowed, Seungmin still held his hands, as if to ground him on the moment. “There used to be… there is a picture of us at the university. There’s the basketball team and the student council and all of the other teams, too. I noticed Seungmin was gone from that picture. That’s when I realized something was off, I guess… and then I saw him in the reflections and… started investigating. And then I realized something was very off and then no one suddenly remembered him and every single trace of him ever existing had just vanished and it was like I was the only one who could remember him. I thought I was going insane. And then I fell here, too.”

There was a breath of silence. They all were taking in what Hyunjin had just said. None of them had had no idea what happened to the memories they left behind in the real world after they fell, but now they knew. None of them had left any traces behind in the real world.
“So we’re dead?” Jisung mumbled.
“But we can die in here, too. It doesn’t make sense.”
“None of us just… exists in the real world?” Changbin deflated against the backrest of his chair. “I’m not sure if that’s horrifying or relieving.”
“That’s what I’ve been wondering, too”, Seungmin muttered.

“Why haven’t you told us this before?” Minho asked.
“I… we thought you knew”, Hyunjin answered, truthfully. Minho simply nodded.
“Well, that means that no one is looking for us. Missing us. It means no one is hurting”, Felix mumbled, a little lost in his thoughts. That’s what Seungmin had said, too. Gentle, kind souls, always putting others before themselves. Hyunjin noticed how Jisung took Felix’s hand and squeezed it.
“They probably found our bodies from the battlefield. They probably thought we died in the crossfire”, he could hear the boy mumbling to his beloved.
“But why? Why… why did Seungmin disappear from the pictures in the real world but now you’re in these pictures?” Jeongin opened his mouth in turn. He had taken the photo album and was examining the class photos Hyunjin and Seungmin were in. Seungmin shrugged, Hyunjin had no idea, he was feeling a little overwhelmed.

“Because he doesn’t exist in that realm anymore”, Minho said. The table fell silent. “He exists in this realm, so now he’s in the pictures.”
“But why are the other people in the pictures?”
“For the same reasons the cars are in the same places and the houses are still up and intact and the store fills by itself. Fragments of the real world. Our realm mirrors it but not entirely. That’s why the other people are still in the photos.”

Silence, again. No one really knew what to say. They were fragments, memories of the real world, all of them. They were gone, dead in that other world, as if none of them had ever existed since there was no one to remember them. They were alone. Truly alone. Just the eight of them in their little cottage, alive only because neither nature nor the shadows hadn’t got to them. Yet. They were dead. And alive, both at the same time. And alone. They were alone. So alone it hurt Hyunjin’s insides.

Jeongin rose up, the legs of the chair scratching against the floor.
“Okay, teatime, I think.”

***

“Hey.”
“Hey”, Hyunjin mumbled as Seungmin sat down on the bed, he had changed into his pajamas, he was holding one of the notebooks he still hadn’t read through. Hyunjin had snatched himself one of the handheld gaming consoles from the game room for the night because he couldn’t handle the silence and his thoughts as the night approached.

After teatime they had decided that they had had enough of the books for the day (Hyunjin hadn’t, or maybe he had, he had felt a little overwhelmed by all of the information and then that photo thing) and decided to watch a movie. Jisung had disappeared to take a nap for his upcoming night shift, and after the movie and dinner they had played a board game and Hyunjin had taken part in it, too. He had had to. He needed something else to think.

He felt like he was running out of time. He felt like the real world was slowly seeping away from his grasp, like the link between was fading. Hyunjin would have to get out soon. The earlier had reminded him of what it had been like after Seungmin had, well, died. Just months of sadness and then nothing. No one had remembered him, and suddenly Hyunjin had been alone. What if the same thing had happened to him? What if right now his father was the only one that remembered him as he had seen him from the reflections? How long had it been in the real world? People had started to forget Seungmin after a few months, how long had it been? Had they already forgot Hyunjin, too? They surely had buried him, but was his grave still in place? Was his name still written on one of those granite gravestones, shaded by spruces? Hyunjin didn’t know. All he knew that he was running out of time, and he’d have to get back.

“What are you thinking about?” Seungmin quietly mumbled.
“Huh? Nothing”, Hyunjin snapped out of his thoughts and glanced at the boy next to him. His glasses had slid on his nose. Again. They were probably a tad too big for him.
“You’re staring at the wall and not playing your game and your leg is shaking, you’re thinking about something.” Damn, was he that obvious?
Hyunjin sighed, put down his game and turned to face Seungmin better.
“I’m just… I feel like I’m running out of time or something. I feel like if I don’t find a way back soon, my life will be… gone anyway.”

Seungmin looked a little sad, but understanding.
“And I don’t know, I just… It’s all I can think of. Getting back. And I’m so… frustrated all the time and I feel angry at the books and I’m scared that I’ll snap again like I did with Chan and…”
“Hyunjin, it’s okay.” Seungmin put the book down, focused properly on his roommate. “It’s alright to feel that way. You want something desperately and you’re in this new place with almost zero answers, it’s normal to feel frustrated. And angry. I’m sure the others understand that, especially Chan.”
Hyunjin sighed and nodded.
“Will we ever find a way back?” he mumbled. He needed some sort of confirmation. He needed comforting. Seungmin held his gaze for a while, a small smile on his face.
“We’ll try.” Not we will. Because Seungmin couldn’t promise that to Hyunjin, and it made Hyunjin angry, not at Seungmin, but at the world. It stirred inside of him, kept him company at the darkest hour, but Hyunjin just had to push it away. They’d try. They would try to find a way back, because it was all they could do. There were no definite answers, no confirmation, no comfort. Except Seungmin’s hand, as he once again took Hyunjin’s hand in his and squeezed it.
“We’ll try. Tomorrow we’ll dive into the books, properly. We won’t have much to do, anyway.”
Hyunjin swallowed and nodded.
“Okay”, he mumbled, quietly.

Seungmin didn’t let go of Hyunjin’s hand, not yet. Hyunjin, in turn, couldn’t tear his eyes away from the boy in front of him. He was so… comforting. He was so precious. The golden light from the lamp on Seungmin’s nightstand lit the room in a way that made it look like there was a halo around his head. And Hyunjin wouldn’t have been surprised if there would be one, Seungmin was such an angel, he was everything good in the world personified. He was so loving. So… everything. And Hyunjin wanted to tell that to him.

But he had no courage, so he pulled his hand back and turned back to his console, just to switch it off. His heart was beating a tad bit too fast, and he hoped Seungmin couldn’t hear it. Or could he? Maybe it would give the boy some consolation that he wasn’t so unlovable as he thought.
“We’d better get to sleep”, Seungmin mumbled as he put down the book on his nightstand. Hyunjin nodded before the boy next to him switched the lights off and darkness engulfed the room. The both of them could hear distant talking from downstairs, Felix had decided to accompany Jisung outside.

“Good night, Hyunjin”, Seungmin muttered into the darkness.
“Good night, Seungmin. Sleep well”, Hyunjin answered.

Chapter Text

The next morning greeted them once again with cloudy skies promising of rain. Hyunjin would have rather got a day of sunlight, but he knew the rain would be good for their little plants in the front yard. Hyunjin was the second one to drag himself downstairs for breakfast, Minho was already there, as expected.
“Morning, it’s Hyunjin”, Hyunjin greeted him before sitting down opposite to him. Applesauce had got her breakfast already, too.
“Morning”, Minho gently smiled at him, “the tea is already brewing, I figured you’d want some.” And Chan would want some. Minho didn’t need to add that, Hyunjin already knew Minho wasn’t brewing the tea for him, but for his boyfriend.
“Thank you”, Hyunjin still smiled, before making himself a sandwich. As he heard the tea kettle whistle, he rushed to the kitchen to get himself a cup of steaming hot tea.

“I think we’re up for another storm”, Minho mumbled after Hyunjin sat down in front of him again.
“How so?”
“The air outside feels pressuring.”
“Hm. I was hoping to go for a run.” Hyunjin’s feet were aching to go for a run. It was the only normal thing in his life, really, it was what he had done in his old life almost daily, it was what he still did in this realm.
“Running in the rain feels freeing. You could try that today”, Minho smiled at him as he carefully reached for something over the table. “Where did I put that damn box of cereal…”, he mumbled under his breath and Hyunjin pushed it a bit closer as it was just outside of Minho’s reach.
“Thank you”, he smiled, and Hyunjin mumbled a “No problem.” A breath of silence fell in between them, not pressuring, not awkward, just a silence. A slow one. The morning kind of silence.

“So, how’s your new life with Chan?” Hyunjin then broke the silence, he was curious. And a tad bit jealous. He could see the slight smile tugging the corners of Minho’s mouth.
“’New life’ is a bit of an overstatement. Everything’s the same. I just get good night kisses now”, he laughed. Then he pondered his answer for a moment: “Well, it actually is rather similar to what we had before. I mean, we were already acting like a married couple to begin with. It just… well, sometimes I fear he’s going to get even more careful and cautious. Since, you know, he protects his loved ones to his death or something like that, he’s like a knight from an old timey story. I might have to remind him that I’m not made of glass and despite me not seeing the shadows, I can still hear the surroundings and I know better to not leave the house alone. Even if I’d sometimes like to. And I have left before, back when I got here, just to go for little walks, but every time I returned from those trips, Chan was off his rocker with worry, so, I stopped doing that after a while.”
“Oh.” Hyunjin didn’t know what to say. He did know that Chan could be overprotective.
“Yeah. It’s not a bad thing, and given all that has happened to him, it’s not really all that surprising that he acts that way. Sometimes it’s just a bit annoying. But that’s just how it is, none of us are perfect. We are all human and we all have our flaws.”
“You’re right”, Hyunjin mumbled, blowing into his tea to cool it down a little. Or perhaps Minho wasn’t right, because Hyunjin sure as hell couldn’t come up with any flaws Seungmin had. He didn’t have any. He was perfect.

Or maybe Hyunjin was just too head over heels to find any imperfections.

“Morning, it’s Chan”, Chan mumbled as he arrived, hair a mess and pajama pants a bit wonky to the kitchen.
“Morning, there’s tea for you ready”, Minho said to him.
“Thank you, darling”, and Chan disappeared into the kitchen. Seungmin arrived next, followed by a sleepy looking Changbin.
“Can I give you a morning kiss on the cheek?” Chan muttered to Minho as he sat down next to him, and Minho answered him with a “Yes, you can”. Hyunjin turned his eyes away just to see Changbin rolling his eyes very theatrically at the two of them. Seungmin was focused on the sandwich he was making. It was cute. Not only Seungmin, but Minho and Chan, too, Hyunjin could admit that. It was the little things in their relationship that made it all so… them. Hyunjin didn’t know how to put it into words. He just wished he’d have that same kind of relationship with someone. That he’d some day be the one giving morning kisses on the cheek. He glanced at Seungmin next to him, who was now focused on giving ear scratches to Applesauce as she had come to beg for some ham from the table (Minho had to remind them every week to not give her any ham from the table because that would only end up with her learning bad habits). Then Hyunjin diverted his gaze to Changbin, and found the boy staring right at him with a quirked eyebrow and a too-much-knowing smirk on his face. Hyunjin turned his eyes away, cheeks slightly burning.

Goddamn it. He was being way too obvious for his own good.

***

Lunch was served with the company of the rain pouring down outside, thrumming against the roof and creating a steady rhythm for the noon. After lunch Hyunjin and Jeongin cleaned the kitchen and then they found themselves sitting once again around the dining hall table, with the four books in front of them. This time Hyunjin had taken a seat next to Seungmin, Changbin was on his other side, and they were scrolling through the law book. They didn’t even know what they were looking for, just mindlessly scrolling.

Time passed, Chan kept mumbling whatever he found to Minho. The Circle was an organization, that was what he had found out by now, some of the pages were just filled with names and family trees. They figured that the Circle was most likely behind… all of this, and that it had consisted of some sort of high-class families or something. Chosen ones. But what were they behind of? None of them really knew. This world? The shadows? The books didn’t give straight answers, they weren’t meant to be read by people who didn’t already have knowledge of the worlds and the doors and the Circle and all that.

Felix, Jisung and Jeongin just got maps upon maps, some overlapping, and they had figured that the overlapping parts were where the doors appeared. Or rather, Seungmin made a guess that that’s what the overlapping parts meant, since the book didn’t give any real answers. “The doors appear where time is thin”, that Seungmin had mumbled a few minutes ago, and none of them understood what it meant.

“Are these Circle people even people?” Minho thought aloud as Chan kept listing what sounded like names to him.
“No idea. They can apparently open doors. I don’t think they are. Unless the doors can be opened without… magic? Is it called magic? What do you even- I just don’t understand any of this!” Chan sounded a bit frustrated, but kept reading, anyway. Hyunjin figured he was more doing it for Minho than for the rest of them. And he could understand why. Ignorance was bliss, and they had spent so much time not understanding the world around them properly that getting to know it was probably scary. They had been comforted by the fact that the shadows were their worst enemy and there weren’t other people around, and they all had fallen through doors. Now Hyunjin and Seungmin had appeared and tried to tear down that comfort brick by brick because they wanted to understand more.

“How’s it going?” Hyunjin leaned a bit closer to Seungmin. Seungmin shook his head a bit:
“Slowly. It’s starting to sound like this has been written by a person a few thousand years ago that didn’t actually know the language all that well and nothing really makes sense. The doors are dangerous, and it’s even more dangerous to force them open. Apparently when they appear naturally, it’s alright, but they can only be used in one way unless something, which I can’t make out, because someone has burnt this book from that part.”
“Sounds like someone doesn’t want us leaving this place.”
“Mmhm. Or someone is trying to protect something.”
“That’s stupid, there isn’t even anyone besides us”, Jisung mumbled. He was a bit tired but had joined them, nevertheless. Hyunjin’s eyes darted to Chan, but he stopped himself from thinking about the worst. Chan hadn’t known about the rooms nor about the university, Hyunjin should stop doubting him. He wasn’t the one burning the books.
“The books have been there for a long time. Maybe someone from… ages ago has burnt them”, Changbin said from beside Hyunjin.
“I want to go revisit the room. I want to see if the other books are burnt as well”, Seungmin said. Hyunjin nodded. He’d go with him. Obviously.

Chan sighed and rubbed his temples, a few minutes more passed. Then he broke that silence.
“I, uhm, I’ve been thinking.”
The seven of them lifted their heads from the books to listen to what the leader-figure had to say.
“Or more of, I’ve been thinking about this for a really long time now. It’s just, uhh, well, we have lived in this house for quite some time now and as Seungmin and Hyunjin said, this house is already old in their realm, so it might just start disappearing from underneath us if the people in the real world decide to build a new house on its place. I’m not saying this is happening any time soon, but I just think we should be… ready for that kind of change. Finding a new house, I mean.”

“And I’ve been also thinking… you know, the doors appear most frequently at places with reflective surfaces. This means places with a lot of windows. Which means cities. Which means more chances of people falling through. Right at this moment there could be people falling through in the bigger cities close by, only to be killed by the shadows during the night because the people don’t know how to survive those. And I just… I’ve been thinking that… We could help them. Save them.”

“I’ve been thinking that we could just… I don’t know, find us a place closer to the bigger cities, but not too close and get a few working cars since more cities mean less nature which means less gods to disturb, and then we could search daily for people from the cities and bring the lost ones with us, and… build a community, I guess. Now we know how the shadows work and we’ll probably learn from these books more, and we can protect ourselves better from them, while also saving lives that don’t deserve to die in here, not knowing what’s going on. We could give those people a chance.” Like Chan had been given a chance.

“But that’s just… if this doesn’t work out. If we can’t open the doors back to the real world and get back. So it’s just what I’ve been thinking.”
“That sounds very great but how are we going to protect ourselves closer to the big cities where there are more shadows?” Jisung asked.
“Like we have done before. We now know about the salt and the water. We just have to be extremely careful that there are, if we find more people, at least two or three nightguards. And we don’t really know how far the shadows are going to wander, we know that they flock together and rarely appear alone, so if there is a big city close by, there might be so much residual energy that they won’t even realize there is actual living people close by. And then we could… if the community starts growing, scatter it around to smaller pieces so that there aren’t too many people at one place at the same time.”

A light silence, then broken by Felix:
“That doesn’t sound too bad. You have clearly been thinking about this.”
“It’s not like I have much else to do. And I… uh, I feel like I sort of… owe it to the world. I was helped during my first days here after surviving the first night on my own. I should help others, too, because I can do that and no one… deserves to… die here by the shadows.”

Nodding, Seungmin nodded, too, Hyunjin didn’t. He was… Yeah, it made sense. It sounded great, helping other people to survive. And it would also mean more people overall, more new faces, and even if Hyunjin was content with these seven people around him, he knew he’d eventually start feeling a little claustrophobic, in a way. But if they were to do that, if they’d follow Chan’s plan, they would… leave. They would leave this place. Hyunjin’s hometown. He’d have to leave it all, his home, the street leading to the university, the familiarity of the little town. He’d have to leave all the memories. He’d have to leave it all!

Hyunjin didn’t want that. Oh no. He didn’t want that at all. Seungmin moved his leg, it brushed just slightly against Hyunjin’s underneath the table, returning him back to the present.
“Sounds great. Let’s search for more from the books, there might be something about the shadows as well. If we can’t find the doors, then we’ll start moving”, Seungmin announced, before diving back into the book in front of him.

Hyunjin could feel the panic rising in the pits of his stomach.

***

Jeongin was the one to call for the teatime a bit later again. There wasn’t much, Felix and Jisung had got through their book, and it was just maps and drawings that didn’t make any sense. Chan had got lists upon lists of names and Hyunjin had got bored and way too anxious to make any sense out of his and Changbin’s book. Seungmin had gone rather quiet, too, but he had understood something because he had been very focused and he had had that little crease in between his brows that he always had when he focused on something really hard. Hyunjin had asked him about it, but Seungmin had just shaken his head. So, he probably hadn’t found anything important.

Or he just wasn’t telling about it to Hyunjin. But Hyunjin didn’t believe that.

But still, it was… an unsettling thought. That, and paired with all the things Chan had said earlier, Hyunjin felt… not good. Not at all. He felt like his skin was itching from everywhere but he couldn’t scratch the itch away. He felt like he needed some air. Fresh air. He had to run his thoughts away. Even if the rain still hadn’t stopped.

“Have you really been thinking about leaving for a long time or did you get the idea just recently? You haven’t talked about it before.”
Hyunjin stopped at his tracks, he recognized Minho’s voice from the porch just as he was about to put his trainers on.
“I’ve… I’ve thought about it for some time. I’m tired of fearing the bigger cities. But I doubt I’d be talking about this right now if it wasn’t for… recent events.” And Chan. Once again Hyunjin was eavesdropping on Minho and Chan.

“What do you mean?” Minho asked. The door was left ajar, that’s why Hyunjin heard their voices to the hallway.
“You know. I just… I don’t feel good about this. The search for the doors. I’m scared of both outcomes, I’m scared that we’ll find doors and the results are going to be as bad as before or worse as the books say, or that Hyunjin and Seungmin will lose themselves in the search for the doors or do something radical when they realize that they’re actually stuck here.”
“We don’t know how they’re going to react, Seungmin is calm and calculative and smart…” Minho was right, Seungmin was all of those things and so much more.
“And Hyunjin is way too determined for his own good. I admire him for that, but… I don’t know. I don’t know him well enough. It’s different with him, every time someone has come here, they have leaned on me first, but Hyunjin leans on Seungmin. Which is good, obviously, those two really have something special, but now I don’t… know how to get to know Hyunjin as easily.” Hyunjin swallowed. He shouldn’t have been listening to his conversation, he knew it, but he couldn’t get himself to move, not when Chan was talking about him.
“Mmhm. Have you, for example, tried to strike up a casual conversation with him?” Hyunjin could hear a spark of laughter in Minho’s voice.
“That could work.” In Chan’s, too.

“You know what’s your worst quality, Chan? You worry too much. And you expect things to happen really fast. Give him time. What’s the worst that could happen?”
“That the other of them or both of them are going to get sick of this and just head through the first door they see.”
“Okay, that’s valid, but they’re not stupid, Chan, and you have told them what you have experienced with the doors, I doubt they will just run into them head-first.”
“I know, I know… Like you said, I worry too much.”

“I just… Well, I guess we’ll have to see if we’re going to find anything from the books.” Chan sighed.
“You wanting to help people isn’t the only reason you want to leave this place, is it?”
“No. I think… Everyone else has got the chance to start over. In a different place. Except for Changbin, Seungmin and Hyunjin. Changbin has adjusted well, that’s obvious by now, so it’s not that he really needs to start over anyplace else but… I think Hyunjin and Seungmin need that. I think that in order to let go they need to leave this place. We need to leave this place. They need to let go of their pasts, and I feel like it would be easier for them to do when there wouldn’t be something reminding them of the old life behind every corner.”
Hyunjin could feel his blood freezing. He was running out of time, he realized.
“Hm. That could be. Finding a new place is going to be a hassle, though.”
“I’ve done it before, I think I can manage. We can manage.”
“If you say so.”
“I say so.”

Hyunjin was running out of time. He was running out of time! He had to get out. He had to- No, Seungmin was baking with Felix, he couldn’t bother him right now, he had to get out at least for a short while, so he made almost as much noise as possible pulling his trainers on before he pushed the door to the porch open. He hadn’t been listening. He certainly hadn’t been listening.
“I’m going for a run”, Hyunjin cracked a very fake smile to Chan and Minho, who were sitting beside each other on the porch couch.
“Alright, don’t be for too long.” Minho had his arms around Chan’s waist. The grey of the afternoon enhanced the grey in his eyes.
“I won’t. See you”, Hyunjin curtly said, before sprinting over the yard into the rain.

He couldn’t feel it. The rain. He could only feel his heart beating way too fast and his palms sweating and the icky feeling in his guts. He was being bothersome. Chan wanted to leave because of him. He wanted them to search for a new place because of him. He wanted them to leave, because Hyunjin wasn’t adjusting!

Hyunjin wanted to scream and cry and do something, but all he did was run forwards. His feet padded against the ground, occasionally he stepped in a puddle and splattered water all over. He couldn’t think, he just ran. Chan wanted to leave. Chan wanted Hyunjin to leave all of this behind, to let go of all of it. He wanted Hyunjin to let go.

Hyunjin couldn’t do that! He couldn’t! His life was here, all of his memories were here, he couldn’t leave this place! This place was his home!

Why did he even give a rat’s ass about what Chan thought? Why did he care what the other boy thought when they didn’t even know each other all that well? Because he was the trusted one. He was the one the other boys looked up to, even Seungmin. He was the one who had been here the longest, he had answers, he was smart and a survivor. That’s why even Hyunjin cared about his opinion so much. And Hyunjin wanted not to, he wanted to forget what he had heard, he wanted to not. Feel. Like. This. Like he had somehow let Chan down. Because he hadn’t! But somehow he felt like he had. And it was stupid, this was all so stupid, the boy probably hated Hyunjin for being like… this.

But he had said they’d do that if they wouldn’t find a way. So they’d have to find a way. He and Seungmin were going to find a way, and they’d do it soon. They would have to, Hyunjin could feel it, he was running out of time. They were running out of time. Hyunjin would probably soon be forgotten by everyone else but his dad, so he’d have to get back. Then they wouldn’t be a bother to Chan anymore. Then Hyunjin wouldn’t be a burden to Chan anymore.

Before Hyunjin realized it, he had reached the edge of the forest trail where the suburbs of the city started. Everything was grey, the rainy sky made sure of that. Hyunjin slowed down to a walk, his heart was thrumming inside of him, he had run a little too fast for his usual routine, but it had helped a little. His mind felt a little clearer, even if the knot in his throat hadn’t let go. Even if the anxiety hadn’t let go.

Hyunjin decided to not turn back. It wouldn’t matter if he walked through the city or through the endless forest, it was all the same, he had painful memories in both of them. Painful, because every single time Hyunjin thought of everything he had lost, he could feel the ache in his chest. The ache to go back. It was physical, it hurt him, it strained his ribs and squeezed his heart. He wanted to go back. He needed to go back. It was everything he knew, everything that kept him going.

He had never been the one to easily accept change. It had always been like that, he was bad with new routines, so he stuck to old ones with utmost care. Every time he had had to change schools when he advanced to upper classes, he had been anxious. He could remember it; he had been so anxious and argued so much with his parents before starting in new schools because he hated the change but didn’t know how to properly put his worries into words and his parents couldn’t really understand him. Every time he had survived, though. Found new friends, a new routine, got used to his new surroundings and the new surroundings had become old ones.

But this… this was too big. It was too big for Hyunjin to handle. The entire thing felt so crushing, it felt so overbearing that Hyunjin couldn’t just handle it. He couldn’t grasp it. He didn’t want to go home to his parents just because he wanted his old life back, which he did, of course, but this was just too much. All of it was too much, and he felt like if he wouldn’t get back soon, he’d be crushed underneath it all, and after that… Hyunjin didn’t even know. He shuddered, got his feet moving again, sprinted to a jog through the quiet streets of the town.

Hyunjin hated change, and the change he had gone through in the last… month, probably, had been too much. It was still too much, and he’d have to get away, he wouldn’t be able to survive it. He wasn’t adaptable like everyone else. He didn’t have anything to lean on. And now Chan wanted to leave the place and that would change absolutely everything and that’s just… No. Hyunjin would end up adrift. Or that’s how he felt like he would. That’s how he felt like right now. Adrift. With nothing to hold on to. The only thing that somehow kept him grounded was Seungmin, but Hyunjin couldn’t… cling on to him forever.

Hyunjin didn’t have a heading, but somehow, he ended up running up the hill and over the university yard. He needed familiarity. He wanted something that wouldn’t create that bitter taste of longing in his mouth. He slowed down to a walk again, hopped up the stairs to the main hall, away from the rain. He could feel it now, he was drenched from head to toe, and it didn’t feel great. He brushed a few wet strands of hair off of his face, before heading right instead of up the stairs. He didn’t want to go to the library right now.

The hallways were dark, the only light streaming through the broken windows was grey, even the shadows seemed toned down. Hyunjin heard the fallen plaster crunch underneath his feet. The hallways were the same. But not the same. And that not the same kept the anxiety in Hyunjin going. Familiar, but not entirely. Everything had changed, yet at the same time nothing had changed. Centuries had passed, but not for Hyunjin.

He walked through the hallways, dripping water all over. He didn’t feel cold, not yet, the adrenaline from running was still keeping him warm. A familiar glass cabinet came to view from behind a corner, it was dusty, but otherwise it looked alright. The glass had stayed unbroken. Hyunjin could see all of the trophies in it, all the medals. He could see the trophy he and his team had got.

And he could see a new trophy. A trophy that hadn’t been in the cabinet the last time Hyunjin had seen it.

Carefully Hyunjin opened the cabinet, the glass didn’t break, but the lock gave in easily. He reached for the trophy, it wasn’t as dusty as the other ones. He turned it in his hands. ‘University Championships 2021’. And the trophy was golden.

They had won. His team had won. They had won the basketball championships. Hyunjin felt the tears pricking in his eyes. He wasn’t sure if the tears were for sadness or happiness. He turned the trophy in his hands, there was a little plaque behind it.

‘For Hyunjin.’ That’s what it said.

They had done this for Hyunjin. They had won the trophy for Hyunjin, they had still remembered him when they had had the last games of the season. They had won for Hyunjin.

Hyunjin could feel the trophy slipping from his hands and collide against the cement floor as the engulfing wave of grief washed over him. He had to lean on his knees to keep himself from falling over. The sobs wracked through him, he felt like he couldn’t breathe for a moment. They had won without him. His friends had had to play in the midst of all that grief. They had had to play only days after they had buried him, hadn’t they? They had won for him, and they didn’t even know he wasn’t dead. He was just… gone. In another realm. Trying to get back.

Hyunjin took deep breaths to stabilize himself. He needed something. Someone. But he was alone, he knew it. He reached and took the trophy from the floor, placed it into the glass cabinet. How long would the engraving in the plaque be on it in the real world? Had it already disappeared? Had his friends forgot they had won for him? Hyunjin glanced at his left a little and saw a familiar picture. The one where he had first noticed that Seungmin was gone. Now he was there, smiling from ear to ear, right next to Daehwi. And there was Hyunjin, his arm slung around Younghoon, wearing his basketball team tank. Was he gone? Was there an empty space in the photo next to Younghoon in the real world?

And what would happen if he’d get back? Would they suddenly remember him, or would they have forgot him completely? Hyunjin didn’t know. It was too much, he had to… do something, he had to focus on something else because this was all too much. He turned around, walked towards the end of the hallway that led to the side doors, down the little steps, the rain had stopped but the clouds were still covering the sky. Hyunjin jogged over the yard before he arrived at the sports field. He opened the familiar door of the storage, everything was dusty, some basketballs were broken, but he found a few that weren’t. Hyunjin brushed the excess dust off of the ball before placing it underneath his arm and walking out of the storage. The outside basketball court was close to the storage, Hyunjin didn’t have to walk far. The hoops were still in place, albeit the time had washed off the colors from them.

Hyunjin bounced the basketball against the ground a few times. It felt familiar. It sounded familiar. It didn’t ache in his chest after all he had seen inside of the university. It felt… freeing. This was what he had always done when he had felt too anxious, just thrown the ball around, chased after it, practiced his skills. And that’s what he did this time, too.

He emptied his mind of everything. It was hard, but with each throw of the ball he could feel almost physically how the weight of his anxieties let go of him. The texture of the basketball felt familiar underneath his fingertips, it felt calming, it made Hyunjin forget the world around him. It made him forget the time. It made him forget everything but the hoop in front of him and his steps against the ground.

The rain started drizzling down again, but Hyunjin didn’t care. Time passed around him, but he didn’t care. For the first time since falling through the puddle into this realm, he felt himself calming a little, he almost felt a perfect peace of mind.

And after perhaps a few too many hours, that peace was shattered as Hyunjin’s stomach growled, and he could feel his legs getting a little slower, exhaustion weighing him down. How long had it been?
“I thought I’d find you from here.”
Hyunjin felt like he was pulled from somewhere very peaceful back to reality, as Seungmin stood by the bleachers in his yellow raincoat, hood pulled over his head. Hyunjin bounced the ball on the ground a few times before throwing it into the hoop, right through it. He was soaked. Sweaty. Probably not a sight to behold. Still Seungmin had a smile on his face.

“You didn’t come to dinner, the others were getting worried that something had happened to you. Changbin went to search for you from the cliff. Minho said you sounded anxious when you left.”
“That’s probably because I was anxious.” It was useless, hiding behind a mask in front of Seungmin. Hyunjin didn’t know how to. The boy would just see right through him because Hyunjin was bad at lying. Hyunjin ran to get the basketball before he approached Seungmin.
“Are they mad?” Hyunjin asked.
“I don’t think so. They know you have a habit to get lost into yourself.”
Hyunjin nodded and swallowed. Seungmin sat down on the first row of the bleachers, even if the benches were wet. He patted the place next to him, Hyunjin sat down. He was already drenched, anyway.

“What’s wrong?” Seungmin asked.
So Hyunjin told. Nearly everything. He told what he had heard Chan and Minho talking about. He told about his hatred for change. He told about the trophy, about the anxieties he had, about how he felt like they were running out of time. Not once did Seungmin stop him and tell him that he sounded stupid, no, he only kept nodding and looking at Hyunjin with those understanding eyes of his. And after Hyunjin was done, he let his eyes wander across the sports field in the grey afternoon, before he said anything.

“I understand Chan’s point”, he said, then. “I just don’t think it’s… useful right now. And like he said, our plan might work. We might find the doors and won’t have to move from this place. There’s… really not knowing it yet how this all will turn out.”
Hyunjin nodded.
“I’m sorry, I’m just being stupid again…”, he mumbled.
“No, you’re not, Hyunjin. People are different, some adapt to change more easily than the others. Like you told me, you’ve always had difficulties with adapting to big changes, so it’s not really all that surprising that you want to go back. And don’t blame yourself for being the sole reason Chan wants to move, he wants to do that because of me, too. And he’s only one person. There’s eight of us, we won’t be moving anywhere unless everyone wants that. And I doubt Felix wants to let go of his vegetable garden, at least not yet, and when he does… well, we’ll hopefully be in the real world by then.”
Hopefully. Hyunjin didn’t like that word.

Hyunjin sighed and nodded. The rain had stopped again, the clouds were breaking apart at the horizon. Hyunjin could feel how Seungmin suddenly tensed up and sprung to his feet.

“Hyunjin. Hyunjin, the sun is going down, it’s going to set in a matter of minutes.”
Hyunjin didn’t understand. He stood up, still holding on to the basketball. Seungmin looked terrified.
“W-what do you mean?” Hyunjin mumbled.
“Sunset. The shadows. They’re coming.”

Chapter Text

Hyunjin could feel his entire being freezing on the spot. The world seemed to stop turning around them for a brief moment as Seungmin’s words settled into Hyunjin’s brain. Nightfall. Sunset. The sun would be down in a matter of minutes, and Seungmin and Hyunjin were still at the university.

They wouldn’t make it. They wouldn’t. They wouldn’t have time to find a working car. They wouldn’t have time to run back to the house. Seungmin’s leg still wasn’t in good condition, he wouldn’t be able to take the running even if Hyunjin probably could. They didn’t have time. They didn’t have time!

Hyunjin gripped the basketball in his hands as he slowly stood up. Seungmin watched him, fear in his eyes mirroring the feeling in Hyunjin’s guts. He was lost. They had lost the track of time, and now they were in the fucking city, and it was the nightfall. Hyunjin turned to watch the sunset, and oh, how beautiful it looked, pink against the grey of the clouds in the horizon, right behind the bleachers, right behind the city down the little hill. Suddenly Hyunjin felt incredibly small in front of it all. Small, and afraid.

Hyunjin saw the first waver of darkness flickering in the corner of his eye.

Or was it just his mind playing tricks on him?

He wasn’t stupid enough to stay and find out.

Hyunjin grabbed Seungmin by his arm and started pulling him towards the way they should be going if they were to try to get back to the house. Seungmin looked almost dazed, Hyunjin had never seen him as helpless and scared in his life, the fear they had faced back in the forest was nothing compared to the one inside of him right now.
“Run”, Hyunjin wheezed out as he gripped Seungmin’s hand better and started practically dragging him towards the city.

“Where- what- Hyunjin!” Seungmin nearly shrieked as his grip slipped a little, so Hyunjin only gripped his hand stronger.
“They follow human traces and they’re slow. It always takes them hours to get to the house, and it isn’t that far from the city!” Hyunjin yelled as they passed the bleachers and ran down the yard of the university, past the main building. Hyunjin could swear he saw another flickering shadow in the greyness of the evening.
“Hyunjin, we can’t- where are we going?”
“I don’t know!” Hyunjin wailed, he didn’t know, he had no idea, all he knew was that the shadows weren’t all that fast and it was possible to run from them because Chan had done so and Felix and Jisung had done so and Jeongin probably too. So they had to run. They would have to run, because they had no other options, there was nowhere to go.

But they would have to try. Hyunjin would have to try and somehow… get them to safety.

Seungmin stumbled, even if his leg could take walking just fine, running was another thing. They passed the yard, ran over the parking lot. Hyunjin saw another flicker, and by the shriek Seungmin let out, so did he. The rain had started to pound the ground around them harder, raindrops got into Hyunjin’s eyes, made it hard to see in front of him. They ran down the hill, hand in hand, trying to not fall on the cracks on the pavement.

“Hyunjin, we won’t make it! I’m not fast enough.” Seungmin shouted over the rain. Hyunjin saw a flicker dangerously close to his right and made a sharp left turn to a slightly smaller street. No. Fucking hell, they were supposed to try to get away from the center, not towards it!
“Just. Keep going! We’ll… find something!” Hyunjin couldn’t even believe his own words, why would Seungmin? What would he do? What would they do?! They were in the city, the shadows were already on the move, it wouldn’t take much time for each and every single one of them to swarm around the two of them and… kill them!

Hyunjin felt hopeless. He felt absolutely hopeless. This- he- If he had just stayed back or not got too deep into his head, they wouldn’t be in this situation! If he had just stayed at the house or gone for a little run like he always did, they would be in the safety of the living room right now! But no! He just had had to ruin everything because that’s what he always did!

Seungmin let out a cry “On the left!” and Hyunjin took a right. He could feel it, their pace slowing down little by little, Seungmin was trying to run but the pain was getting too much, he was limping again. Hyunjin felt like he was running in tar, everything seemed to happen around him in slow motion. The places around him suddenly seemed unfamiliar, as if he had forgot this part of the city. Everything looked so different in the growing darkness.

“Hyunjin, I can’t do this!” Seungmin cried out again and yanked his hand free from Hyunjin’s grip. He was panting, grimacing in pain as he slowed down and Hyunjin had no fucking idea what to do. Why them? Why would they-?! Why?! Why!
“Yes, you can”, Hyunjin grabbed Seungmin’s hand again because he was not going to let go.
“No, I can’t, and you know that! Hyunjin, go, get to safety, I’ll try to find… something.”

Hyunjin stopped, before turning back to Seungmin. He felt anger mixing into his fear. What on earth had this boy just said to him?!
“No!” Hyunjin yelled. Seungmin looked desperate.
“No! I am not leaving you behind!” A flicker of darkness in the corner of his eye pushed Hyunjin forwards as the hold he had of Seungmin turned to a deathly grip.
“No, you are not- I am not- We will find something. We will, we will-“

A store. In the corner of the next street.
“A store.” Hyunjin mumbled, before starting to pull Seungmin towards it with a new vigor. It had only been minutes, the shadows, whatever they did during the day, they hadn’t probably appeared all just yet or whatever they even did, Hyunjin didn’t have time to think because he dodged to the left again, then to the right and did not listen to Seungmin’s protests because he and his savior complex were trying to save Hyunjin instead of the both of them and Hyunjin was not going to let Seungmin go anywhere alone.

Hyunjin practically bursted through the door into the store, sending it off its hinges as he pulled Seungmin behind him. He saw flickers from the corners, he knew this store, he had been in it multiple times, he knew the aisles, he knew them, second, third, there was so much stuff strewn all over the place as some shelves had given in with the passage of time, Hyunjin kicked a box of cereal away and- there!

Seungmin nearly slipped again, Hyunjin didn’t let him fall. His rain boots made a squeaking sound against the silence of the night, almost deafeningly loud. Did the shadows follow voices? Or just energies? Hyunjin didn’t have time to think, he grabbed the first salt packet he saw and tore it open, Seungmin quickly understood what he was trying to do and followed his lead, continuously glancing around.
“They’re coming”, he whispered, almost sobbed as Hyunjin tore another packet open and poured on the floor. Third packet, Hyunjin was running out time, his fingers felt slow, everything was happened too slowly, Seungmin tore open another packet and poured salt down in a thick line on the ground,

finally closing the circle.

For the first time since entering the store, Hyunjin dared to look up.

Flickering. He saw flickering shadows everywhere. Wavering at the periphery of his view, closer and closer second by second. Hyunjin could now see why Chan and the others had survived – the shadows didn’t approach that fast. The pace was as if they were walking. But they weren’t walking, Hyunjin saw no movement, just… wavering shadows with no definite shape.

Seungmin let out a sob.

Hyunjin couldn’t do anything but stare ahead, look around. The shadows could never be seen properly – every time Hyunjin looked towards the shadowy figure, it seemed to disappear and Hyunjin saw right through it. He saw the shelves of the store. He saw the streets from the window, he saw how darkness engulfed them little by little as the sun sunk below the horizon. He saw flickers of darkness so deep he wasn’t sure if his eyes were deceiving him, because every time he turned to look at that darkness properly, it was gone.

The shadows were swarming them. Hyunjin couldn’t move his gaze without seeing the shapeless voids flaring. They were all around them, Hyunjin could have touched them if he had simply stuck his hand forward. He couldn’t see them, but he knew they were there, right in front of him, trying to get to him and Seungmin. What would happen? What would happen if Hyunjin were to step over the line of salt now? Would the shadows shred him to pieces, or simply take him through the veil of death with a simple touch? What were they looking for? Human energy to live off of? Or was there something bigger beyond that?

“Oh god”, Seungmin whimpered under his breath. He was close to Hyunjin, so close their shoulders kept brushing against each other, because the space they had was small. Cramped. And they were going to spend the rest of the night in it.

Hyunjin turned to the boy next to him, Seungmin was glancing around, bordering on panic as he kept tugging the sleeves of his yellow raincoat. Hyunjin knew that look. He had never seen it on Seungmin before, never on the calm and collected Seungmin who knew exactly what he was doing. The boy was nearing a full-blown panic attack, and the two of them couldn’t have that right now.
“Hey, hey”, Hyunjin mumbled softly, took Seungmin by his shoulders and nearly forced him to look at him. Hyunjin had no idea what to do, how to comfort the boy next to him that they were going to survive the night. So he did what he would have done if it was him having the panic attack and pulled Seungmin into a hug.

Seungmin was shaking, from the bottom of his feet to the top of his head, he was gasping for air, tears streaming down his face.
“Close your eyes, Seungmin, don’t look at them”, Hyunjin tightened his hold, just a little as he felt Seungmin grabbing his soaked hoodie instead of his own sleeves.
“They’re not there, just close your eyes, I’ll protect you.” It was a lie, and the both of them knew that, but it seemed to work because Seungmin buried his face on Hyunjin’s shoulder and tightened his hold. Hyunjin rubbed his back slowly, in even patterns, trying to come up with something, anything to fill in the silence.

“Seungmin, do you hear me? Tug my shirt if you do.” A tug. “Good, that’s good, okay, you’re having a panic attack, that’s alright, it’s alright, it’s not bad and you are not in danger.” Another lie. Hyunjin had to close his eyes to believe his own lies for the moment.
“Okay, we’ll try to get your breath even, alright? Breathe with me, Seungmin. Just… breathe in, one, two, three, four, five, and out, one, two, three, four, five”, Hyunjin counted, and kept counting slowly, filled in the silence with the counting. He felt how Seungmin, first gasping and wheezing, struggled to get into the rhythm, but got in there eventually. Hyunjin felt how slowly, slowly Seungmin’s breathing got more even, more in sync with his own.

They simply stood there, in each other’s arms, counting and breathing. In silence. The silence was perhaps the worst thing about the shadows – Hyunjin knew they were there, but he could hear nothing. Absolutely nothing. Nothing but his own voice, Seungmin’s sobs and the silence engulfing them. The shadows made absolutely no noise, as if they weren’t even there. Hyunjin just saw them every time he opened his eyes and lifted his head from Seungmin’s shoulder. They were there, swarming them, maybe thirty centimeters from them, right behind the salted line.

Dear lord, did Hyunjin hope the salt line would last through the night.

Slowly, but surely, as the night fell around them and the corners of the store darkened, deepening to black, Seungmin’s sobs eased down little by little. His breathing got even; he wasn’t shaking so badly anymore. Hyunjin didn’t loosen his grip, even if Seungmin’s hold of him loosened a little. Hyunjin’s mumbles turned to whispers as Seungmin calmed down, until they fully stopped, and then they stood together in full silence. Even the rain had stopped. Seungmin breathed in, he breathed out, Hyunjin kept caressing his back.

“Everything alright?” Hyunjin broke the silence as his feet started to hurt from standing in one place without moving for too long. He felt Seungmin nodding against his shoulder, before breathing out a shaky “Yes.”
“Good, that’s good, I think we should sit down. Otherwise it’s going to be an even longer night.”
Seungmin nodded before pulling back and opening his eyes. He gasped as he looked around again, and Hyunjin quickly took his face in his hands.
“Don’t look at them, look at me, Seungmin. They’re not there. They’re not real, they’re just shadows. They’re not crossing the salt line.”
Seungmin nodded, lower lip quivering a little. Carefully, very carefully, they sat down, ended up in a mess of limbs as they sat together as close as possible, before Hyunjin gave up and pulled Seungmin to basically sit on his lap. He pressed Seungmin’s head on his shoulder, told him to not look around, just stay there with closed eyes.

It was uncomfortable. Hyunjin was wet, so was Seungmin, they were in danger and the circle was too small to lie down in or do anything, really. Hyunjin felt hungry, too, he hadn’t eaten anything since lunch and even the sense of danger couldn’t keep the hunger away now that Hyunjin knew the salt line kept the shadows at bay. Hyunjin knew he was, or more like the both of them, were going to get cold through the night. So now they were huddling for warmth. And perhaps that wasn’t so bad.

Maybe it did strike Hyunjin now that Seungmin was sitting so close to him, arms around him, head on his shoulder, still sniffling and occasionally weeping. Maybe he at that moment realized that he was holding Seungmin in his arms just as Seungmin had done so many times to him. Maybe there was comfort in it. Maybe it wasn’t so bad, the entire situation, they could have both been dead, but they weren’t, just scared and dripping and up for most likely the worst night of their lives, but they were alive and they were together. That was the most important thing right at that moment.

“I’m sorry”, Seungmin finally whispered through his sniffles.
“You don’t have anything to be sorry for”, Hyunjin mumbled. He rested his head on Seungmin’s shoulder, but kept his eyes open, just in case. He saw the shadows. He saw the wavering. As the night deepened around them, it was starting to get hard to distinguish the shadows from the darkness.
“I’m, I, sorry, I haven’t… acted like that before, I don’t know what got into me”, Seungmin muttered.
“You had a panic attack, it’s alright. It happens. I’ve had a few of them in the past. It’s normal. Or well, not normal but, sort of. Happens to a lot of us under stressful situations.”

There was a beat of silence, Hyunjin could hear the rain starting to drizzle down again, thrumming against the roof of the store. That was good. Rain was good. It filled the silence around them.
“Hyunjin, I’m scared”, Seungmin whimpered, tightening his hold, just a little. It wrenched Hyunjin’s heart, he wished he could just whisk Seungmin away from the store and run back to the house or somehow convince him that sunlight was only mere minutes away even if it wasn’t. He just wanted the shadows to go away. He wanted Seungmin to not be scared anymore.
“I know. I’m here, I’ll protect you, I’ll keep you safe”, Hyunjin mumbled against Seungmin’s shoulder. “We just have to last here through the night, alright?”
He felt Seungmin nodding again. That was it, they just had to get through the night. One night. Only a few hours.

Minutes passed, turned perhaps to an hour, Hyunjin had no idea. The darkness had engulfed them wholly, Hyunjin couldn’t see anything but darkness around him, he couldn’t even see the store shelves that he knew were just beside them. Hyunjin didn’t know what to do. Or say. Or anything, so he just sat there, arms around Seungmin, trying to keep calm. He had to keep calm, he had to do it for Seungmin.

The darkness around them had one good thing, and it was that Hyunjin couldn’t see the shadows anymore, unless he looked towards the window, where the darkness turned a little grayer. Otherwise it was just black. Except for Seungmin’s yellow raincoat and the salt circle on the ground that seemed to shine even in the dark. Seungmin had stopped sniffling, Hyunjin could tell he was tired. Panic attacks were always tiring. He knew that.
“Sleep, Seungmin, I’ll keep guard.”

And little by little, he felt Seungmin relaxing in his arms, he felt his hold loosening a bit. His head was still buried on Hyunjin’s shoulder, legs tangled somewhere behind him and Hyunjin simply hoped he wouldn’t move in his sleep because then he would break the circle. There they sat, Seungmin sleeping in Hyunjin’s arm, as the night around them continued. Hours passed. It was a stark contrast to the night in the woods – there were no noises, no glowing foxes, no screeches or little bees. But it wasn’t peaceful either, no, Hyunjin could feel the tension around him, he could feel the danger lurking in the corners.

But still, Seungmin’s warmth and even breaths scared the dangers of the darkness away and lulled Hyunjin into a hazy daze against his shoulder.

***

Hyunjin flinched awake at some odd noise before he realized it was birds chirping outside. It took a moment for him to realize where he was – still sitting in the salt circle in the store with Seungmin nosing against his neck, still asleep in his arms. The greyness was gone, Hyunjin could see sunlight seeping through the store’s window, dust dancing in the light. The night had ended. It was gone. The shadows were gone.

And they had survived.

Hyunjin glanced around, just to be certain. No. Zero wavering shadows in the corner of his eye. They were gone. They were safe, he and Seungmin were safe, they had survived the night! Hyunjin had stayed awake most of it, he had spent hours staring into the darkness, Seungmin in his arms, before he had dozed off against his shoulder. And now the morning had arrived, and the shadows were gone, and they had survived!

And Hyunjin’s back was aching. And he felt really uncomfortable and hungry, and his clothes were still damp, the only reason why he hadn’t got too cold during the night was the boy in his arms. Gently Hyunjin shook Seungmin’s shoulder, just a little to wake him. The others were probably worried, they should get back to the house to tell them that they had survived the night. Seungmin stirred a bit, whined, before he most likely realized where he was and in whose embrace he was in, because then he gasped and almost violently pulled himself back, falling off of Hyunjin’s lap (which perhaps stung Hyunjin’s heart, just a bit).

“Good morning”, Hyunjin croaked at him, Seungmin looked at him before he looked around frantically.
“T-the, the shadows?!”
“Gone, it’s the morning. We survived the night.” Hyunjin managed to crack a tired smile at him. Finally he got to straighten his legs and stretch his back and dear lord, did it hurt as he had stayed in the same position the whole night. Seungmin didn’t seem to be much better, his neck was probably aching by the way he was rubbing it with his hand.
“Did you… did you stay awake the whole night? I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have fallen asleep like that-“
“It’s alright, Seungmin. I fell asleep eventually, too, don’t worry.” Maybe there was this stupid sense of pride inside of Hyunjin’s chest – he had kept them both safe and alive. He had protected Seungmin. The entire night.

Seungmin seemed to hesitate just a bit before nodding. Knowing him, he would have probably protested Hyunjin’s words, but decided to let it go. They were alive, and that was all that mattered. They had survived a night of shadows, against all odds.

Seungmin was the first one to stand up, he stretched before holding his hand out for Hyunjin. Hyunjin took it and let the other boy help him up, moaned in pain as he finally probably stretched his aching limbs.
“Sorry”, Seungmin mumbled, but Hyunjin just shook his head. As if they would have had other options to spend the night except that position. Or maybe they would have. Hyunjin didn’t want to think about it.

But he did want to think about how… nice it had been to wake up with Seungmin in his arms. His scent lingering around him. Yes, the night had been horrible, and both of them had been scared, and Seungmin had got a panic attack, but he had slept his night in Hyunjin’s embrace and that felt nice. Hyunjin would have given almost everything to get to wake up like that every day. Except for the shadows. And sleeping in a sitting position on a store floor. So he would have wanted to wake up every single day with Seungmin in his arms just from anywhere else. Without the fear.

“We should probably head back, the others must be furious”, Seungmin muttered.
“Yeah”, Hyunjin nodded, before his stomach decided to growl very loudly. “Breakfast?” He flashed a sheepish smile at Seungmin before stepping over the salt line, Seungmin only smiled and nodded.

They ended up sitting on the store’s steps and eating some of those ready-to-eat sandwiches for busy people. The sunlight felt nice on Hyunjin’s skin, he could feel his clothes slowly drying. He had taken his hoodie off and tied it around his waist as the damp hoodie had started to feel too uncomfortable.

Sitting in the sunlight, the last night felt like a dream. Or a nightmare. It felt almost unreal how scared Hyunjin had been back then, and now it was… just a memory. It felt so stupid. How were the shadows real? How… why were they here? What was their meaning? Or were they just… creatures? Like the things in the forest? Were they ghosts? How did this… how did they appear? Hyunjin had so many questions and zero answers and that annoyed him.

After finishing their sandwiches and bottles of water, they started to head through the city. They weren’t far from the university; they had run only a few blocks last night. Nothing had changed. Everything seemed to be in the same condition, same shops, same shards of glass on the ground from windows, same flowers pushing through the pavement. The morning sun threw long shadows on the ground that weren’t intimidating, Hyunjin could hear birds singing somewhere far away. The animals avoided the cities, Hyunjin remembered someone had told him that. Felix, probably. Or Chan. Maybe the animals could somehow sense the shadows.

Hyunjin and Seungmin walked along the roads in silence, they didn’t really have much to talk about. They were tired. Very tired. Every now and then their knuckles brushed together and Hyunjin wanted to hold Seungmin’s hand so badly, but it would have probably been really odd, so he didn’t do that. But oh, how he wanted to. He wanted to pull him into a hug and maybe kiss him and when when when had his feelings got so intense? Hyunjin wasn’t sure. It had started as a stupid and rather distant yet long-lasting crush and now it was… this huge mass of feelings inside of Hyunjin’s chest that wanted to burst out but Hyunjin didn’t let them, because he wasn’t sure of the outcome. Would Seungmin be weirded out by it? Would he… abandon Hyunjin if he were to tell him how he felt? No, Seungmin wasn’t like that. He would probably just brush it off and say something like ‘oh, I don’t like you that way, but it’s alright, we can still be friends if you want to, I’m not weirded out by it’. Or maybe he would be weirded out about it and ask to change rooms. That would be horrible. Everything was horrible. And Hyunjin just really wanted to kiss Seungmin and poke his still slightly puffy cheeks and find a way back home with him.

But he couldn’t do that. And that was infuriating.

“I’m sorry”, Seungmin suddenly mumbled, breaking the silence around them. They had just stepped on the forest trail, leaving the city behind. They still had a few kilometers ahead of them.
“For what?” Hyunjin asked.
“For… everything? I’m sorry, I… I don’t know what got into me last night. I’ve never… frozen like that before. I’ve never panicked like that before.” Seungmin sounded very guilty.
“You don’t have anything to be sorry for. Sometimes people freeze when they face danger. Sometimes they panic. It’s human.”
“Yeah, but if it wasn’t for you…” I would have died. Hyunjin knew exactly how Seungmin was going to finish the sentence.
“If it wasn’t for me, you wouldn’t have been at the basketball court at ass o’clock at night in the first place. And if it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t have noticed the time passing and when I would have noticed the shadows, it could have been too late.”
“Yeah, but you’re smart, you would have survived and you’re fast enough, you probably would have even got to the forest fast enough before the shadows, but I-“
“Seungmin, I wouldn’t have left you there alone, no matter what.”

Seungmin closed his mouth, swallowed.
“I wouldn’t have left you there, injuries or not. It was going to be both of us alive or both of us dead. I won’t leave you behind. I’m not going to leave you behind. I’ll never leave you behind.” Hyunjin was serious, and he knew that was probably evident from his voice. Seungmin only nodded, but Hyunjin could swear he saw something glimmering in the corner of his eye.

And then he saw something else from the other corner of his eye, and turned to look quickly. Something was in the forest, it was flickering, wavering, like a flame. And it was… blue and green and something in between that. And another! A bit ahead! Hyunjin turned to look the other way, and he saw a third one at the other side of the road in the forest!
“What are those?” he gasped out loud, pointing at them. Seungmin quickly, discreetly wiped his face before turning to look (Hyunjin didn’t say anything about it).

Little flames in the forest.
“Will-o’-the-wisps”, Seungmin breathed out.
“Huh?” Hyunjin had never heard of those before.
“They’re like… little ghost lights. In folklore they’re often told to lead travelers astray from their tracks towards something, usually death or other sinister things. Or just make them lose their track.”
“…Oh.” Well. At least the flickering flames were pretty.
“That’s just one thing I’ve read of them. Don’t know what’s the actual purpose. But maybe it’s best to not follow them.”
“Yeah…” Hyunjin agreed, maybe not. The tales always started from somewhere, didn’t they?

They continued their travel in silence again, the forest seemed to be alive around them. It felt familiar. Almost homely. Safe, even, all the yips and yaps and birds and bushes rustling. After the night of pressuring silence, the forest felt safe, even if Hyunjin damn well knew it was anything but. Shadows in the city, creatures in the woods, the only actually safe place was their little cottage far in the forest.
“Thank you, Hyunjin”, Seungmin broke the silence again.
“For what?”
“Everything. For not leaving me behind, like many others have done in the past.”

And oh, how did that wrench Hyunjin’s insides. If he were ever to get his hands on people that had hurt his Seungmin in the past, he would smack them right across their faces.

Which would be useless because those people didn’t even remember that Seungmin had ever existed. But what if they would remember them again when they returned back to the real world?

Hyunjin’s train of thought was cut off by noises coming from ahead, behind a curve in the trail. Something being pulled and light mumbling, rustling on the gravel of the track. Hyunjin, without really thinking about it, grabbed Seungmin’s arm and hastened his steps a little, just before six figures appeared from behind the curve. Hyunjin could hear a gasp, before he heard a “Seungmin” being screeched out.

Felix dropped the bag he had been holding and ran to them, pulling Seungmin into a tight hug. Changbin dropped the cart he had been dragging behind him with a loud clank before running to Hyunjin and grabbing him into a tight hug.
“Am I hallucinating?” He whispered as Hyunjin, a bit confused as to why they had a garden wagon with them, answered to the hug.
“No.”
“I thought we were coming to search for your bodies.”

Oh. That’s what the garden wagon was for.

As Changbin let go of Hyunjin, he got arms full of Jeongin, followed by a sobbing Felix with “I, we thought you would be dead! We were so worried and sad and I am so mad you made me worry like that but I am so thankful that you’re both alright”.
“I’m sorry”, Hyunjin mumbled to Felix’s shoulder, before the boy let go of him. He and Seungmin got nearly swarmed by questions, how did you survive, what happened, were there a lot of shadows, why were you gone Hyunjin, and Hyunjin did not want to answer that question because his gaze met Chan’s, who looked relieved, but still slightly mad. Minho was beside him, smiling slightly, holding to Chan’s hand.

“I’m sorry”, Hyunjin mumbled again, slightly louder this time. “I, uhm, I was at the basketball court and… lost the track of time.”
Chan knew. Hyunjin could see it from him, he knew Hyunjin had heard his and Minho’s conversation again.
“How did you two survive?” Minho asked.
“We, uhm…”
“We ran to a nearby store and created a salt circle around us just as the shadows started to swarm us. It was Hyunjin’s idea”, Seungmin said. “I just followed.”
Hyunjin nodded. Chan did, too, before letting go of Minho and pulling the two of them to a sort of half-hug that was a little awkward.
“I’m glad the two of you are alive, but please don’t pull off something like that again without a warning, Felix has been crying all night and none of us have slept.”
If Hyunjin wasn’t feeling guilty before (which he was), then he was feeling even more guilty now. Yeah, all of this had been stupid of him.

But Chan wasn’t mad. He was more of… dadly disappointed. But relieved, Hyunjin could tell that by the way he squeezed his shoulder before letting go of them.
“You two look like absolute garbage, let’s head back and get you some dry clothes and food and then you can tell us how the hell did you exactly survive the night.”

Chapter Text

They got back to the house, Hyunjin tried to help Changbin pull the carriage (in which his and Seungmin’s bodies should have been) back to their cottage, but Changbin only waved him off because “Hyunjin was probably so tired from the night”. They didn’t chat all that much for the rest of the travel, Felix kept glancing at Hyunjin and Seungmin who walked beside each other, as if to make sure they were actually there and not just the forest playing tricks on them. Hyunjin could see some more flames flicker in the forest, but the urge to follow them wasn’t as big anymore now that he knew what to expect from them.

They reached the house in silence, Hyunjin headed straight for the shower as Seungmin told him to do so since he had had his raincoat on and hadn’t been as drenched as Hyunjin through the night. With the shower Hyunjin could feel himself slightly waking up (even if he was still tired), he felt a bit better. Seungmin had been a darling, as per usual, and fetched some dry clothes for Hyunjin before his turn in the shower. Hyunjin shoved his old clothes into the washing machine after changing and shuffled back to the kitchen.

The others were sitting around the dining room table, lightly chatting. Hyunjin stood at the entrance a bit awkwardly, he had no idea what to say or do.
“Have you eaten breakfast?” Jeongin turned on his chair, smiled at him brightly.
“I, yeah, we did eat some…” Hyunjin nodded, “I could have a cup of tea, though.”
“Second breakfast it is, then!” Jeongin grinned, before hopping off his chair and scuttling to the kitchen. Hyunjin could hear him putting the tea kettle on the stove before he had time to protest, he was perfectly capable of doing that on his own, too, no need to fuss about it!

Hyunjin sat on the chair where he usually sat, he could feel the eyes on him and didn’t know how to act. He felt awkward. And slightly horrible. Actually, quite a lot of horrible.
“We are, um, we’re sorry for making you all worried. I am, I mean. Seungmin was there to just… fetch me.” Hyunjin looked at the table, he didn’t dare to look at the people around him. When he did dare, he saw Felix looking at him with that worried look of his, eyeing him up and down.
“What happened?” Minho asked, gently. Jeongin arrived with a steaming cup of tea and a plate with sandwiches for everyone. Hyunjin had a feeling that the others hadn’t really eaten, either. Felix’s eyes were puffy, Jeongin’s face seemed a little swollen, too, Changbin had chewed on his lower lip so much it had nearly bled, Hyunjin could see that. He had done that. They had been worried about him and Seungmin.

“I… I just wanted to go shoot some hoops. At the university. Since that’s where I… used to play basketball. I guess I… lost myself in it and didn’t realize the time passing since it was raining and I couldn’t see the sun setting and Seungmin arrived and then we realized it was too late.” The short version of it. Hyunjin left out the reasons why he had gone to the university in the first place, as well as the little breakdown he had had. The others simply nodded, they seemed to… understand. At least somehow. But they couldn’t understand, not the entirety of it!

Seungmin returned, hair still dripping as he tried to dry it on a towel. He looked cuddly in his baby blue sweatshirt. And made the last night return to Hyunjin’s head.
“Then you… saw the shadows?” Chan asked.
“Yeah”, Hyunjin nodded. “And then we just… ran. We didn’t really know anything else. And then I spotted a store and realized that there would probably be salt in the store and there was and then we did a circle around us and… stayed there the whole night.” Hyunjin left out the worst pieces, he had a feeling Seungmin wouldn’t want him to talk about his little mental breakdown either.
“Damn”, Jisung muttered under his breath.
“Well, the salt circles sure work then”, Changbin mumbled, Chan nodded.
“Did anything… I don’t know. How did the shadows act? How did it feel being so close to them?” Jeongin asked in turn.
Hyunjin shrugged. “It was scary. But then it just… I don’t know. They stayed behind the salt line and we just sat there. They didn’t make any noise, I could just hear the rain, and they just… were there. Swarmed around us, no matter where I looked I could see them.”
“See them?” Chan cocked his eyebrow.
“Not directly. Like… well, you all know. From the corner of my eye, but just… everywhere.”
“Horrifying.”
“I’m so glad you’re both alive, you’re incredible.” Felix’s lower lip was quivering and Hyunjin could see tears forming in his eyes, before Jisung pulled him into a half-hug as Hyunjin and Seungmin were too far from him to be hugged instantly. Hyunjin swallowed and looked at the table, a bit awkwardly.
“You didn’t find any… useful information?” Chan asked. Hyunjin had to disappoint him and he shook his head.
“Sorry, no.”

Hyunjin felt ashamed. That was the only word to really describe it. He felt awful, he had made these people worry for him just because of his own little meltdown. That was so selfish of him! He was being a burden! And he hated it!
“Are you two alright? I mean, no injuries or anything?” Changbin looked at Hyunjin and Seungmin, tried to search for any and all injuries as the resident nurse. Hyunjin shook his head.
“No. We’re fine. My leg was acting up because of the running but that’s just from the previous injury”, Seungmin said. Hyunjin had to find something to do with his hands in order to not drown underneath his thoughts of shame and drank from his cup of tea.
“Good, that’s good. Not the leg, but… yeah”, Changbin smiled slightly.

They were all clearly… scared? Was that the word? Alert? Frightened by the night, and now slowly recovering because Hyunjin and Seungmin weren’t, against all odds, dead. Hyunjin had a slightly hard time grasping that. He should have been dead. There hadn’t previously been such a situation where people had survived the night in the town without running around and losing people, but Seungmin and Hyunjin had. And Hyunjin knew he probably should have been grateful and proud of his own quick thinking, but honestly, he just felt ashamed of making people worry for him like that.

“Anyway, uhm, Seungmin, it should be your turn as the night guard tonight, but-“ Chan changed the topic and eased the air over the table a bit, but Seungmin cut him off.
“It’s alright. I’ll just take a nap, it will be fine. I think we’re all equally tired from the night, anyway.” Seungmin tried to force a smile, but it died midways. Chan simply nodded, he wasn’t in the mood to protest Seungmin.
“Alright. Honestly, I think we could all use a long nap right now, at least I could. So… see you all at lunch and don’t force yourselves to do any daily tasks for today.”
“Sounds amazing”, Jisung mumbled, and the rest of them agreed.

***

Hyunjin woke up to Jeongin gently knocking on the door to tell him that lunch was ready. The sun was high up in the sky, higher than usually during their lunchtime. Hyunjin decided to let Seungmin sleep as he’d have the night shift for today and last night had most likely taken a toll on him. The lunch was quiet, they didn’t talk much, some quiet mumbles here and there. Hyunjin could occasionally feel the eyes on him, examining him if he was alright. Or something else. Maybe they were thinking how much of a burden Hyunjin was being, scaring them all like that.

And that didn’t feel good. Technically, Hyunjin knew that they probably didn’t think like that, but that was what his brain was constantly telling him. Always thinking about the worst. Always coming up with the worst-case scenarios first. Always believing the worst. It was horrible. And exhausting. But Hyunjin couldn’t help it.

“Changbin, we’re running out of firewood again, would you mind? Only if you have energy, though.” Chan broke the silence, spoon half-way to his mouth.
“Sure. Hyunjin, want to join me?” Changbin was sitting next to Hyunjin and glanced at him.
“Sure.” Of course Hyunjin would help, he didn’t want to be left alone with his thoughts, he needed something to do with his hands and keep him busy from overthinking everything.

So once again, Hyunjin ended up in the little woodshed, handing woodblocks to Changbin for him to chop them before throwing them into the baskets they had. Sunlight seeped through the dusty window, full of spiderwebs, lit the shed in a gentle, warm light. The day overall was pleasantly warm, Hyunjin was glad it wasn’t extremely hot like he had thought it would be. He could hear Felix outside tending to his little flowerbeds with Jeongin.

“What’s up, Hyunjin?” Changbin broke the silence between them before bringing down the axe and chopping a piece of wood into two halves.
“Huh?”
“I mean, like, how are you? Genuinely.”
Hyunjin shrugged. “I’m alright. I mean, still a bit shaken from the night, but… I’m alright.”
“Really?” Changbin glanced at him, looking very curious. No way in hell Hyunjin was going to tell him how he actually felt.
“Really”, Hyunjin assured him. Please, buy the lie, Hyunjin didn’t want to open up about his deep-rooted problems of hating change and wanting to go back home because he didn’t feel like he belonged here.
“Alright. You’re not alright, but I’ll drop it. How’s Seungmin?”
“How would I know, he’s asleep”, Hyunjin muttered, before handing another piece of wood to Changbin.
“You know what I mean.”

Hyunjin sighed and shrugged again.
“C’mon, there has to be something, you just spent the most dangerous night of your entire lives together!” Changbin wasn’t serious, Hyunjin could see the little grin at the corner of his mouth.
“Sorry, I have no news for you, we just sat in the circle the whole night and Seungmin fell asleep on me.” Hyunjin left out the part where Seungmin had fallen asleep on his lap. He did not need Changbin to clown him.
“Ah, so no fear-driven love confessions. What a pity.”
Hyunjin snorted at Changbin, who chopped yet another piece of wood into halves.

“Have you thought about telling him?” Changbin then asked. Hyunjin swallowed and nodded. He’d have to, he had promised to do so, even if Seungmin wouldn’t return his feelings. He had to let Seungmin know that he was lovable and there were people out there who loved him.
“I have. I just… I don’t know how.”
“By going up to him and telling him ‘hey, I really like you, we should kiss’?”
Hyunjin nearly threw the next wood log at him.
“You’re really bad at this romance thing”, he laughed.
“Hey! It’s better than whatever the fuck was that what Minho and Chan did!”
“Okay, true”, Hyunjin giggled, handing yet another log to Changbin.

“Real talk, though, I think you should tell him. I mean, if he doesn’t already know, you’re pretty much throwing heart eyes at him with every chance you have.”
Hyunjin rolled his eyes.
“Do the others know?”
“Probably. You really got them talking with your little confession that you still have a crush and Jisung did one plus one equals two and guessed the person you were talking about was Seungmin.”
“Has he told the others?”
“Felix was present, too. That’s actually what got us through last night. I had to convince him that you wouldn’t let anything happen to Seungmin and you two were smart enough to find shelter for the night. That you probably had figured early enough that you wouldn’t get back before sunset and quickly found a place to stay at.”
“Yeah, well, it sure was quick”, Hyunjin mumbled. Changbin was right about one thing, he wouldn’t let anything happen to Seungmin.
“Figured. Before that I had to convince all of them that Seungmin had found you because I hadn’t. I ran to look for you from the cliff, but you weren’t there and when I got back, neither you nor Seungmin were here. We figured you wouldn’t go to the woods alone so the city was the only place and… yeah.”

Hyunjin nodded, they had figured right. God, he really had made them all so worried for him.
“Sorry for making you all worry”, Hyunjin mumbled yet again, but Changbin simply shook his head.
“Don’t worry about it. You’re safe and sound here and that’s all that matters now.”
Hyunjin swallowed and nodded, but the feeling didn’t let go of him. Of course it didn’t. For a brief time, a silence engulfed them, and Hyunjin desperately wanted to change the topic to something nicer, so he changed it to Seungmin.

“I really don’t know how to tell him. I’m just… I’m really bad with words. Or I think I am and the thought of telling him right into his face scares me, I fear I might say something wrong or… I don’t know”, Hyunjin pouted, before handing another log to Changbin. The baskets were half-way full.
“Then don’t tell it directly to his face. Write him a letter or something. That gives you the time to think and search for the right words.”
“A letter?”
“Yeah.”
“Hmh. That might work.” Letter would give him time. And Seungmin liked reading. So a letter could be a better opportunity.

Except. Hyunjin sighed, Changbin quirked his eyebrow at him.
“I think I’m bad with words in general. I mean, like… it’s hard for me to read books. I’m sure you have figured that out by now, it always takes me so much time to read one page because I can’t focus or the words just… don’t make any sense to me. I can’t explain it. So I don’t know how writing might work. It could, it’s a little easier, but… I don’t know.”
“It doesn’t have to be a long letter. Just, a few words, a few sentences, maybe. Just a ‘I have a crush on you and would like to kiss about it’.”
“How are you so blunt about everything?” And how did Changbin always manage to bring a smile to Hyunjin’s face?
“Don’t know. By the way, do you have problems with numbers, too? I mean, are numbers as bad as words?”
Hyunjin thought about it for a moment, before answering:
“Not as bad, but… well, I’m not all that good at maths, either, if that’s what you’re asking. Worst is when they put letters in maths.”

Changbin stopped chopping the firewood and leaned against one of the logs, turning wholly towards Hyunjin. He examined him up and down with his gaze which made Hyunjin momentarily nervous.
“What?” He asked.
“Have you ever considered that you might have ADHD?”
Huh?
“Huh?”
“Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder.”
“Yeah, I know what ADHD is, but like… me?” Perhaps Hyunjin had thought about it, but never… done anything to it.
“Well, I mean, I’m not all that familiar with all things psychology since I focused mainly on the ER side of my studies but I did do some courses on psychology, too, and I am by all means no doctor but you do fit the characteristics.”
“Oh.”
“You have trouble with focusing on reading, you fidget, you either bounce your leg or twirl that one specific hair lock of yours or pull the sleeves of your shirt, you’re really bad at sitting still and you’re constantly in motion, sometimes you have difficulties pulling off the daily tasks and from what I have understood, you didn’t really succeed in school except in sports which means you probably hyperfocus on things you like or are important to you, which also explains how you lost the track of time yesterday when you were playing basketball, and you’re easily distracted when not focusing among other things. ADHD is different in everyone and there’s a ton of other symptoms of it too and I have only known you for a short period of time so there might be even more symptoms but… Yeah, you do fit the criteria.”
“Oh. What are… other symptoms.”
“Trouble understanding details, overlooking them, daydreaming, being unable to process information quickly and wholly, being impatient to a certain extent that isn’t regarded as normal, things like that.”

Well. That sure could explain a lot.
“So… not everyone has trouble with reading and… not being able to pick up more than one task at once and anxiety and all that?”
“Depends. I’m not all that great at multitasking either, but Felix is. Anxiety isn’t technically a symptom of ADHD, but they often come in pair. With other stuff. I don’t know about you.”
“Alright.” Hyunjin nodded. He had been presented with information that nearly made his brain short-circuit, but then again, not really. Half of him had known that. Half of him had known that there was something in him that made him a bit different from other people. But now that Changbin had given a name for it… yeah, it all made sense.
“Alright. Is there… I don’t know, medication for it?”
“In the real world there could be. In here… well, I mean, obviously we do have meds here but I’m not a professional, none of us are, so I wouldn’t start diagnosing and trying out different meds without further knowledge. And I mean, you seem to be doing fine, I’m not sure if you actually are, but here you don’t… you don’t have to read and do all that stuff and you’ll always get help if you just ask for it, and I’m pretty sure the others would be very understanding, too. Though, I’m pretty sure neither Chan nor Jeongin have any idea of what ADHD is overall, so we’d have to explain that to them, but… Yeah. Adults usually do better than kids, the struggle seems to turn… internal instead of external. But if you really have a bad time, then we could, I don’t know, try to figure something out.”
Hyunjin nodded, he really didn’t even know what to say.

“Okay. Alright. I mean, that does make sense…” he mumbled. That made a lot of sense. That explained a lot now that he really started thinking about his childhood and all the struggles he had had with school. But what would he do with this information? Nothing? Now, if he did have ADHD, he just had an… explanation as to why some things were so difficult for him when other people succeeded in them just fine.

Well, maybe it was relieving. In a way. Technically it wasn’t his fault that he had trouble focusing on tasks. His brain was just being a little stupid.
“Anyway, don’t overthink it, but you know, that could be the reason you struggle so much with certain things. No offence.”
“None taken”, Hyunjin let out a laugh, before picking up another log and handing it to Changbin.
“Alright, let’s finish up these baskets quickly, I think teatime is soon.”

***

The evening wind was a gentle zephyr, it trifled through the trees and bushes, made them slightly rustle in the dim of the evening. The sun had set, Hyunjin could see stars high above them, the moon was slowly crawling up the sky, too. Seungmin was sitting right next to Hyunjin on the sofa, engulfed in the book in front of him, occasionally taking notes. The half-burnt book. Hyunjin could see it, how some pages had been torn, some were charred, some had just small spots of them burnt. It was weird. And so was the look on Seungmin’s face.

“It’s called Creation. This book”, he mumbled, after a while.
“Oh?” Hyunjin had a steaming cup of tea in front of him. He had figured it would probably help him sleep better, or that’s what Chan had said. Chamomile tea. It tasted alright, not too bad, not too good. Just… leaf water. Chamomile.
“Mmhm. Creation of the doors, I assume. Or the world.”
“Where did you find that out?”
“It says so in the margins.”
The others had gone to sleep already, but Hyunjin hadn’t. The empty space next to him had felt too big. So he had decided to drink a cup of tea with Seungmin and then try to sleep again, since tomorrow it would be his turn as the nightguard again.

“It’s empty. The yard”, Hyunjin mumbled after a moment of silence. Seungmin glanced up, a curious look in his eyes, before humming.
“It’s quiet, too.”
And it was. It usually wasn’t this quiet during the nights, usually the yard was full of life, so was the forest around them, even more than during the days. Hyunjin missed the glowing fox, he wanted to see it.

But instead, he saw a waver of darkness. At the edge of the forest, the very periphery of his view.
“Shadows”, he breathed out and Seungmin tensed up, nearly shot up from his seat. He sucked in a breath and Hyunjin quickly took his hand.
“It’s alright. The salt line keeps them away, we’re safe.”
Seungmin nodded.
“I’ll have to warn the others.”
“You do that, I’ll go check out the line.”

Hyunjin let go of Seungmin’s hand and stood up. He ran around the house, saw nothing but stars and the salt line almost glowing in the darkness. The backyard was empty, too, there weren’t any shadows there. They usually approached from the front of the house, anyway. The salt line was intact, Hyunjin could hear Seungmin ringing at the bell next to the front door of the house and one by one the sleeping ones answered to his call. They were surrounded for the night, but the salt line was alright, they would survive just fine.

Hopefully.

Hyunjin returned to the front yard, Seungmin was back on the sofa with the book in his hands, but instead of reading, he was looking around, almost frantically. His posture seemed to relax just a bit as Hyunjin came to his view, and he made Hyunjin some space on the sofa.
“Everything alright?” he asked.
“Yeah”, Hyunjin nodded before sitting down and taking a swig from his tea. Seungmin turned his eyes back on the book, and Hyunjin kept watching over the shadows for the time being.

There weren’t many. Or at least they weren’t swarming them like last night. Maybe three or four, Hyunjin couldn’t really tell as the shadows couldn’t be seen directly. They were at the tree line, didn’t even cross the yard closer to the salt line.
“What would happen if you threw salt directly at them?” Hyunjin mumbled into his cup of tea. Seungmin shrugged.
“Maybe they would evaporate. Or end up like snails. Maybe it’s more likely they will evaporate because they’re not of material matter.”
“Hmh. Maybe one day I’ll have enough courage to try.”
“Let’s hope you’ll never have to come in a close enough contact with them to get to try that”, Seungmin smiled at him, and Hyunjin felt his insides turn to mush.

Maybe the gaze lasted for a little too long, maybe Hyunjin could have kissed Seungmin right then and there if it wasn’t for the wavering at the corner of his eye. Seungmin went back to his book, Hyunjin leaned against the backrest of the sofa and took the tea mug in his hands. It would have been a peaceful night if it wasn’t for the shadows. Hyunjin glanced up, spotted the Polaris in the night sky. The stars were the same. Almost. They were other stars, but Hyunjin could pretend for a moment that they were his stars.

“Everything’s cyclical”, Seungmin mumbled underneath his breath.
“Hmh?”
“Everything’s cyclical. That’s what the book keeps repeating. Everything moves in cycles. So I guess the doors do, too? Or maybe not. I don’t know.”
“Why can’t the books ever give direct explanations”, Hyunjin mumbled.
“I think this book would, if it wasn’t half-burned. It’s clearly been burned with the intention to do so and not accidentally.”
“That’s… horrifying.”
“Mmhm. Someone clearly doesn’t want us opening any doors, since this book is mostly about them. I suppose the Construction, the one with the maps and diagrams is more of… where you can open the doors. To other… dimensions. Or something. I suppose there’s more than just two.”
“So the doors only work one way, they can be forced to open but it’s dangerous, and everything is cyclical? Got it.”

Seungmin let out a laugh at Hyunjin. Hyunjin giggled, too, even if he had to force it out. Saying all that out loud… it just didn’t make any sense. And that frustrated him, so much. They didn’t have answers. They weren’t any closer to solving their problem of how to get back to the real world. Time was passing around them, yet they weren’t any closer to getting back. And that horrified Hyunjin, so incredibly much.

“Changbin thinks I might have ADHD”, Hyunjin blurted out after a few moments of silence. It took a second for Seungmin to stop reading. Hyunjin admired the way he could dive so deep into the text in a matter of seconds.
“Sorry, what did you say?”
“Changbin thinks I might have ADHD.”
Seungmin glanced at him, before nodding.
“Makes sense. I’ve thought about it too.”
Oh.
“And you didn’t say anything?”
“Sorry, I thought you had a diagnosis for that already, so I didn’t bring it up… And I’m not a professional, so I thought I’d just be stepping over the line.”
“Ah, I don’t. I mean, my parents always just said that some people excel in maths and some in sports so… I never thought about it much. I’ve never got tested for it.”

To be fair, now that Hyunjin really thought about it, his parents had always just… pushed the topic of Hyunjin’s success in school away and turned it to his success in sports. Maybe they didn’t… want to accept that there was something out of normality in their son.
“It makes sense. I don’t know that much about ADHD, but the symptoms Changbin told me… they fit. I think.”
“Mmhm. Are they finally enough to convince you that you’re not stupid?”
Hyunjin could feel his face heating up.
“Maybe…”
“Good”, Seungmin smiled at him (again, and yet again it made Hyunjin’s insides turn to mush). Yeah well, maybe, if he had ADHD, he wasn’t stupid. It was just his brain being stupid and a little out of ordinary.

Hyunjin took a swig from his mug again, the tea wasn’t as hot anymore. The shadows kept wavering at the tree line, never crossing it. Hyunjin could feel it, he wasn’t as scared anymore now that he had spent the night under such a threat and survived. Which was probably stupid, he should have been scared, still, but he just wasn’t. Seungmin kept reading, he had stopped taking notes, clearly very focused on reading. He turned a page, then another, looked up a word from the dictionary, then continued reading again. Hyunjin could see in the lantern light that his brows were furrowed, just a bit. It was so cute. He was so focused on the book, he was so focused on finding the way back.

Seungmin looked up, Hyunjin glanced at him, with an arched eyebrow. Then the boy shook his head, just slightly, read a few sentences more, looked up again, seemingly in his thoughts.
“What is it?” Hyunjin asked, quietly. Seungmin glanced at him, he was quiet for a brief moment before returning to reality.
“It’s nothing, I just… Nothing important.”
Hmh. Alright.

Hyunjin yawned, he could feel the chamomile tea working on him.
“Maybe you should head upstairs?” Seungmin mumbled. He looked… well, the tender and gentle gaze he had had just moments ago was gone.
“Mmhm”, Hyunjin hummed and rose up. “Are you alright? I mean, will you survive the night?”
Seungmin snorted and nodded: “I’ll be fine, Hyunjin, go to sleep, we’ll see each other in the morning.”
Hyunjin took his mug, almost empty, from the table and stepped towards the door.

“Hyunjin?” Hyunjin turned towards Seungmin just as he pressed the door handle down.
“Hm?”
Seungmin looked at him for a moment, clearly contemplating on saying something. Then he shook his head, just a bit;
“Nothing, just… sleep well. Don’t miss me too much.”

Chapter Text

The next day started with a quiet breakfast and a trip to the city to get some groceries. Hyunjin decided to leave Seungmin to sleep the night shift away in their bed and accompany Jeongin, Chan and Felix and together they made their way to the store closest to them. The day was a rather quiet one, the sun was shining, and summer was reaching its peak as Hyunjin realized he had to take his hoodie off in the midst of the travel to not get too sweaty. The woods were calm, too, the occasional rustling in the bushes no longer made Hyunjin jump and look cautiously and curiously around him.

Felix wanted to try out some new cookie recipe he had found from one of the magazines he had brought back to the cottage the last time he had been to the city (it was one of those cooking magazines meant for middle-aged moms that Hyunjin’s mom always read and maybe it made his heart sting a little), so Hyunjin followed him around the store like a lost puppy as they searched for all of the ingredients. It was maybe a little awkward, the others were still… cautious, Hyunjin noticed it. Chan kept glancing at him, he kept the conversation going all the time as if to keep Hyunjin busy.

And maybe it was good. It gave him time from his own thoughts, because he knew otherwise he would have been looking for the doors. The slight wavering on reflective surfaces.

Hyunjin hadn’t noticed it before, but he noticed it now; Chan avoided stepping into puddles, so did the others. They all carefully tried every glass door on their way before pushing it open. They didn’t lean on windows or bus stops, either. They were avoiding the doors, Hyunjin realized. Smart. Maybe he should start doing that too, just in case to not… fall into the next realm accidentally.

Hyunjin felt a bit tired, but kept talking with the others, just about this and that and life in general, the others wanted to see where Seungmin and Hyunjin had spent the horrifying night and Hyunjin showed them (“You don’t have to if you don’t want to, we’ll understand”, Chan had said, but Hyunjin had just shaken his head and led them through the streets and alleys to the small corner store). Hyunjin did not miss Jeongin’s mumble of “That’s one small ass circle” and he was pretty certain Jeongin did not miss the way Hyunjin looked elsewhere and tried to pretend he hadn’t heard anything. By the nudge on his ribs, he could tell he had failed.

They returned back to the house a little after lunchtime and Changbin had left them some leftovers to eat. The sky was getting cloudy again, but the clouds didn’t promise rain for the day, luckily. Hyunjin was happy, the flowers and bushes he and Seungmin had planted were growing fast and would most likely flourish soon. Hyunjin was pretty certain that the flowers weren’t supposed to grow as fast as they did here, but then again, there were glowing foxes living in their yard so… Maybe they really did grow that fast in here.

The rest of the day went by a bit… weirdly. Well, not weirdly, but there was something in the air. Minho and Chan kept to themselves and left for a long walk to the cliff close by. Jisung and Felix kept to themselves, too, Felix decided to join Jisung in his atelier and through the closed door Hyunjin could hear some eighties music being played from that old CD-player Jisung had. Seungmin and Jeongin kept to themselves as well. In fact, Hyunjin had only seen Seungmin briefly after their return from the city, and the boy had told him that he and Jeongin would go to the woods just close by, and Hyunjin had nearly freaked out but Jeongin had assured him they would keep so close that they would see the yard the whole time and then they had left and Hyunjin hadn’t had the courage to butt himself in to their company. So that left Hyunjin and Changbin together. Which wasn’t bad. They sat on the porch and Changbin tried to teach Hyunjin this one board game which was hard and Hyunjin kept glancing at the woods from where he could see Seungmin’s light pink sweater almost glowing through the green of the trees, and more than once Changbin had to snap his fingers in front of Hyunjin’s face to get his attention. But it wasn’t done with bad intentions, Hyunjin knew that, because he saw the laughter in Changbin’s eyes.

“Have you considered telling him?” Changbin asked, cocked his eyebrow and Hyunjin shook his head.
“Not yet”, he mumbled and Changbin nodded, understanding.
“You better tell him soon or he’s going to put one plus one together and realize you have the hots for him. You do realize that you stare at him with puppy eyes every time you look at him?”
Hyunjin could feel the blush on his cheeks deepening after that and mumbled a “Yeah, I know”, before Changbin told him to focus on the game again.

Hyunjin did eventually learn the game, though. And he also learned that he was good at it.

After afternoon tea Hyunjin headed for his evening nap before his night shift. He missed the dinner with the others, too, and for some reason that made him feel bad, even if he damn well knew there would be more lunches and dinners to come. Maybe it was because missing something like that made him feel a bit left out. Which was stupid, because basically everyone but Minho had to miss a dinner every week because of a shift as the night guard, and nobody was still left out from the group.

But then again, the others were… the others. And Hyunjin was a new one. And maybe his stupid mind was overthinking but maybe it was his fault that the air was weird, after all, he had been the one to… cause so much trouble and worry ever since coming here…

Hyunjin woke up to Seungmin gently shaking his shoulder and telling him that he should eat something before his night guard shift. Hyunjin, groggy and still tired from his nap complained so long that Seungmin had to take him by his hands and drag him out of bed and perhaps that had been Hyunjin’s intention all along because usually it was Changbin poking him awake for his night shifts. After that he had eaten some leftover dinner, sat at the game room through half of the movie the others were watching, and then left for his night shift.

Alone, unfortunately. Or perhaps not unfortunately, because he had an empty paper in front of him that he had found from one of the drawers in the hallway and a pen. And if Seungmin had come to the porch right now, he would have asked questions and Hyunjin wouldn’t have been able to give him any answers because he sucked at lying.

The night was almost as quiet as the day had been. Apparently Seungmin wanted to gather some sort of a herbarium of all of the flowers in the area surrounding their little cottage, and together he and Jeongin had picked some flowers from around the yard and the woods close by, and now all of them had been left to dry in between some old newspapers all over the porch. Some bees flew over the yard, one of them flew around Hyunjin’s head a few times before deciding the direction it wanted to go. Hyunjin could see a faint glow of blue in the woods. Otherwise it was calm. Almost quiet, except for the light rustles and noises from the woods. The clouds had disappeared, revealing a night sky full of stars once again to Hyunjin. No shadows were in sight.

Jeongin had left his window open for the night, Hyunjin could hear him snoring all the way downstairs. Perhaps it was good, the quietness and calmness made Hyunjin feel a bit tired, but the snores kept him awake, at least for now. Hyunjin rose up, stretched, quickly ran around the house to check the circle, sat down again, stretched again, and realized he was avoiding the paper in front of him.

What would he even say in the letter? ‘I like you, wanna kiss about it? It’s ok if you don’t, tho’? Hell no. Seungmin deserved something better, he deserved all the poems about love that there existed in the world. Too bad Hyunjin couldn’t recite any, and he doubted there were any books full of poems in their house, and then again, maybe Seungmin didn’t even like poems. Hyunjin sure had never seen him reading any. Maybe Hyunjin could write a poem of his own? Hell no, he wasn’t creative like that. Why was this so damn hard?!

Hyunjin sighed and rubbed his temples, clicked the pen to get the tip out and drew a small circle at the top corner of the paper to make sure the pen worked. It did. Good. He hoped it would last through the entire letter. Unless Hyunjin would write just a few words. But he could just say those few words out loud, why bother with a goddamn letter?! Because Hyunjin wasn’t about to embarrass himself in a situation like this and get super nervous and anxious and accidentally blurt out something incredibly stupid at the heat of the moment that he sometimes had a habit to do.

How did one even write… love letters? How did people start those? Maybe Hyunjin could just list all the reasons he liked Seungmin. Like the fact that he was so kind and gentle and always so patient and careful and how he saw the world from such a unique perspective and it was so enthralling and his eyes were so pretty and he was so handsome and so smart and clever and wise and his love for books was so cute and he was so good at everything and he was just so so so important to Hyunjin and he was a rock in the storm and it was so cute how he had a habit to push his glasses up his nose when he was thinking about something very focused even if the glasses hadn’t really fallen and it was also so endearing that he appreciated the nature so much and also sort of sexy when he stood up for Hyunjin and maybe there were too many things to list because once Hyunjin started thinking about all of the reasons he liked Seungmin, he couldn’t stop.

So no lists.

Be yourself. That’s what Changbin had said. And that’s what was probably the best, even if the letter was already something perhaps not entirely Hyunjin… Then again, if they had been in the real world, he probably would have sent a text or something like that because he was a coward. Or nothing at all, because if they had been in the real world, he probably would have never got close to Seungmin like this.

Something snapped in the woods and Hyunjin’s head shot up from the empty paper, just to find the fox cubs playing in the yard. The foxes were here, so the shadows weren’t. That was good. Hyunjin stretched his neck, straightened his posture before sighing again and brushing a few strands of hair away from his face, mildly annoyed. He now- what- he had to focus! He had to write! Be yourself, Hyunjin! Just write your thoughts out, it doesn’t matter if it’s a little messy, Seungmin will understand!

So Hyunjin wrote.

‘Hey Seungmin,

I’m writing this letter because I’m a sucker and a bit of a coward. A sucker for you, actually. Remember when you a while back said that you didn’t think anyone loved you or that you were made to love? Yeah, that made me really mad. Or not mad but like, sad, and mad. Smad. Because you’re really lovable. You’re made to love. Because I love you. Or like you. I don’t know, I’m not sure about the difference but there probably is something but I think you need to know someone for at least a bit longer than a few months to love someone properly. Maybe I should ask Felix. Anyway. I like you. I really really really like you, so much I might burst out of my skin these days. And I’ve liked you for a really long time. Ever since high school. And I’m sorry. That I was scared to approach you and now you think you’re unlovable. You’re not. You’re very lovable. I just never had it in me to tell you because we were never really that close. You’re so kind and gentle and wonderful in all the best ways and I don’t even really know where to begin but yeah. I really like you, and I’d like to kiss about it, if that’s okay for you. But if it’s not, I’ll understand and it’s alright and okay and I’m fine with it. I guess my point is just to show you that you’re wrong (for once) and that you’re lovable. And loved. And liked.

Anyway, sorry for this mess and I like you. I sorta hope you like me back, too, but it’s alright if you don’t.

-Hyunjin’

***

If Hyunjin had been too much of a coward to say anything out loud to Seungmin, then the letter was absolutely no better. It burned in his pocket. Every single second of the day. He could feel it, it was there, in the pocket of his sweatpants, it felt heavy, even if it was just a scrap of paper. Hyunjin hung on to it tight, he made sure Seungmin didn’t notice it, he hid it as well as he could. Because he was way too much of a coward to give it to him. Even Changbin had bugged him about it, but Hyunjin had just brushed him off.

And even if… even if Hyunjin wouldn’t have been a coward, he doubted he wouldn’t have had any… opportunities to give it to Seungmin. He had been busy. Through all week. He had been collecting the herbarium, sometimes with Jeongin, sometimes with Felix, then he had headed for the city with some of the others and Hyunjin hadn’t heard them leaving and another time he went with him and suddenly it was all eight of them heading for groceries and it was all good fun but Seungmin wasn’t really talking to Hyunjin. Except during evenings when they were heading for bed, but on those times Seungmin was either engulfed in his books or watching movies with Jeongin. So Hyunjin didn’t… know where to start. He didn’t know how to give the letter to Seungmin because he knew he needed space and if Hyunjin’s wildest imaginations would not come true, he’d need to go out for a really long walk to sort out his thoughts and he couldn’t do that in the evenings (in the wildest imaginations Seungmin would throw the letter away and kiss Hyunjin with all of his might but there was a very little chance of that ever happening).

And suddenly, almost a week had passed. Almost a week of… Seungmin avoiding Hyunjin? No, he wasn’t avoiding him, he was just busy with things. He had every right to be busy with things, he had his own life, and he was his own person, and it was adorable how excited he was about collecting the flowers all around the places. One morning Hyunjin woke up to empty bed and at breakfast table Minho had told him that Seungmin, Felix and Chan had left to the forest to check out the berries and to collect some new flowers for Seungmin, and maybe it had been very adorable but Hyunjin had also felt… left out. Left out, that was the word. Seungmin hadn’t even said anything about going into the forest, and maybe, given their previous experience, it scared Hyunjin a little.

Hyunjin had also noticed that Seungmin, nor any of the others, had touched the odd books during the whole week. They had been just… left. Left at the small table next to the fireplace, collecting dust. The book about the doors was on Seungmin’s bedside table, on top of it were a few other books of his, the ones he was currently reading. And that felt bad. Really bad. But Hyunjin was too shy to bug him, or any others about it, he wanted to decipher the books, he wanted to know how to open the door back to the real world and get back to his parents. He was running out of time, and he was running out if very bad! What if his father had already forgot about him? What if everyone had already forgot about him? What if he had… become like Seungmin? He wanted to go back, he just wanted to go back, but that wasn’t happening, because he wasn’t getting any help! And he was growing impatient. He was impatient. But also too shy to confront any of his friends about the topic.

But it wasn’t just Seungmin, the whole air in the house, it seemed to have… shifted a little. Or maybe it was just Hyunjin. Maybe it was the way he had run away from them and caused so much worry or something, the others just seemed so… careful when Hyunjin was around. He had noticed it, laughter had stopped when he had stepped into the room, more than twice. Chan was not so subtly asking Hyunjin all the time if he was feeling alright, if he wanted to talk about something or whether he wanted to head for the city. Changbin took Seungmin’s place beside Hyunjin and dragged him everywhere with him, and while that was great and Changbin was great and out of all the people in the house Hyunjin trusted him the most along with Seungmin, it was still… odd.

And maybe Hyunjin missed Seungmin’s company. A lot. But he missed his parents even more. He had started to dream about them, every single night, and every morning he woke up with tears in his eyes and an ache in his chest that had been worse than ever before. He missed them. He missed his home. He wanted to go home, he had to go home, he had to get back to his old life because he couldn’t live like this. It wasn’t the people, he really liked the seven others but… He had so much in the real world that the current world couldn’t offer to him.

Which was why he needed to talk. To Seungmin. Who had a night guard shift for the night, and tomorrow it would be Hyunjin’s turn again. The day passed by quickly, rain poured down for a while, otherwise it was warm and sunny and Changbin and Hyunjin made a deal to go fetch a bunch of water guns from the city the day after Hyunjin’s night shift because the days were getting hot and as much as soaking in the pool was fun, it was funnier to run around the yard and get cold water shot at you with full speed to cool the summer off of your skin.

But that water fight wouldn’t be happening today nor tomorrow, so that’s why after brushing his teeth, Hyunjin, instead of retreating into his bedroom alone, tiptoed down the stairs to not wake the others up and opened the door to the porch of the house. They had watched a movie together once again to fill in the silence of the evening (Hyunjin was pretty certain he had never watched as many movies in such a short time as with these people, but they really liked them and Hyunjin had a feeling that especially Chan and Jeongin were trying to learn about life in the real world through them even if they weren’t really… well, they were movies, not reality, which was why one of the shelves in the game room was full of documentaries about all things everything). As Hyunjin opened the door leading outside, Seungmin clearly got scared by him and gasped, nearly dropping his book on the ground.

“Sorry, I could have knocked”, Hyunjin mumbled. The evening was warm, their yard was very much alive. Seungmin simply shook his head,
“It’s alright”, he gently smiled, made some space for Hyunjin on the sofa (even if there would have been enough space on the other side of the door, and maybe that did things to Hyunjin’s heart, and the letter in his pocket felt like burning against his skin once again). Hyunjin sat down, made himself comfortable on the sofa.
“Can’t sleep?” Seungmin asked. Hyunjin shook his head. Well, to be honest, he probably could have, he just didn’t want to.

“How are you doing?” Hyunjin asked. He didn’t know what else to do, suddenly he felt awkward, he didn’t know where to start or what to say or-
“I’m doing fine, how so?”
The porch was still full of newspapers, flowers squished in between them to dry.
“Just asking. I just… we haven’t really spent much time together this week.”
“Oh, right, sorry. Jeongin’s been just really excited for my little project. Or I guess it’s our project now.”
Hyunjin nodded and maybe, just maybe he felt just a small tinge of jealousy. He would have wanted to have a project like that with Seungmin, too!

“How’s the, um, the… books? Have you found anything new? That could help us?”
Seungmin shook his head, the book on his lap wasn’t the one talking about doors or circles or whatever.
“Not really, I haven’t had time to read the book much. It’s just… it’s hard to read, to be fair. And it keeps repeating in different ways how dangerous it is to open doors and… there isn’t much of how to actually open them. The world is cyclical and doors are hard to open and… right, there was this one bit that said something like ‘shadows can’t get to the last world in any given opportunity’. I don’t know what the last world meant, but… Yeah. I guess the doors would… let the shadows in to the last world or something and that’s why the book doesn’t want to tell the reader how to open the doors.”

Hyunjin swallowed and nodded. Seungmin was avoiding him. He wasn’t even looking at him while talking, he was staring at the woods. Suddenly a shrill screech sounded from somewhere above and Hyunjin nearly got a heart attack, only to realize it was Felix with his night terrors after a few seconds.
“I… Hyunjin, I’ve been thinking a lot lately.”
Hyunjin could feel his heartrate getting faster. He looked at Seungmin who had finally moved his attention from the surroundings to him.
“It’s just… umm, maybe there is a reason why the book is so hard to decipher. Maybe it’s that… the doors aren’t meant to be opened by force. And… and it seems that those that appear on their own lead to wherever, so there’s no knowing of where they’ll lead. Maybe… maybe there really is no way back.”
“Don’t say that”, Hyunjin heard himself whispering. He felt as if ice cold water was being poured down his neck.
“Listen, we have been talking, well, me and Chan mostly, but… the books, the people who wrote them, they knew something, something that’s not written into these books, and I think it’s not very wise to go against their orders.”
“So you’ve stopped looking?”
“No, it’s not that. I’m just taking a small break, the books are hard to decipher and very exhausting to read.”
Hyunjin nodded. He didn’t- he didn’t know what to feel. Seungmin had talked with Chan. And probably the others, too, and hadn’t told anything to Hyunjin, and it felt horrible, so so horrible.

“And that’s not all, it just…” Seungmin paused, chewed on his lower lip for a moment. Then he continued, almost whispering: “I like it here, Hyunjin. I really like it here. And I… if what you’re saying is correct, then everyone, including my parents have forgot about me ever existing and… you know, I don’t exist in that world anymore. I just… If we ever were to get back, it would be hard. To start over. And there’s… there’s really nothing left for me there. And I… It feels like home here, Hyunjin. These guys, the surroundings, the serenity of it all, I really like it here. I’ve never really felt like I belong somewhere because I’ve always been the odd one out, but… I feel like I belong here. With these people. And I… I’m not sure if I want to go back.”

The whole world felt like it was collapsing around Hyunjin. He sucked in a breath and closed his eyes for a moment. Seungmin didn’t want to go back. Seungmin wanted to stay, he had found a home from here.
“I, I’ll still continue reading the books, of course. I mean, I want to know what’s going on and what’s up with the shadows, but I don’t think… I don’t think the books are much of help in finding the doors. Or opening them.”
Hyunjin bit his tongue so hard it almost bled and nodded.
“I’m sorry, Hyunjin”, Seungmin whispered. He sounded so apologetic and Hyunjin wanted to be mad at him, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t. He opened his eyes and nodded.
“I understand, Seungmin. I do.” Because he did. He did understand Seungmin, he had told him that he felt like he was the odd one out, that he liked it here, he had been heartbroken to hear how the world had forgot about him. He understood.
“I… yeah, let’s just… when you have time and… I can help you with the books as much as I can”, Hyunjin flashed him a smile that didn’t reach his eyes, not at all, and he was pretty sure Seungmin would see through his breaking composure.

“I, I think I might head to sleep. Good night, Seungmin”, Hyunjin mumbled before quickly getting back to his feet. He could hear Seungmin calling for his name as the door shut behind him, creating a barrier in between him and Seungmin. Hyunjin took a shaky breath, leaned against the door frame leading to the stairs. Seungmin didn’t want to go back. Seungmin didn’t even… he didn’t want to search for the doors, because he thought they were dangerous, and so did everyone else, but Hyunjin was selfish, and he wanted to go back! He wanted to go back so bad it hurt his chest and ached his insides!

Hyunjin took in another shaky breath, trying desperately to not let the tears fall. The others had talked behind his back. About him, probably. About how he was obsessed with getting back, and now Seungmin didn’t want to get back and he had been the one Hyunjin had been counting on so much ever since coming here, and now he… he didn’t want to go back. He wanted to stay here with the others. He had found home from this place. Hyunjin was alone.

And that thought wrenched Hyunjin’s insides, nearly toppling him over as a sob tore from his throat. He had to brace himself against the handrail of the stairs to not fall down. He was alone. He was alone, there was no other way of putting it. He was alone.

And he felt abandoned.

***

Hyunjin couldn’t shut his mind off. He couldn’t, he was overanalyzing everything, he felt uncomfortable as if his skin was crawling all the time. He felt like he was at the brink of a panic attack continuously, from breakfast to tea time, he hadn’t slept all that well (he eventually had fallen asleep until after he had told himself roughly a thousand times that Seungmin would still help him and it was alright and he could still get back, but he didn’t want to- he didn’t want to leave Seungmin here, he didn’t want to be separated from here, but he wanted to get his life back!). Breakfast had passed by in silence, Seungmin had slept well into noon, and after that… Hyunjin had avoided him.

There was no other way of putting it, he had avoided Seungmin. He had asked Changbin if they could go for a run together, and they had gone, and Changbin had asked if everything was alright and Hyunjin had had to convince him that he was alright. Although he was pretty certain he had failed in the task, but Changbin hadn’t pushed it, he had left him be and instead asked about the letter. Which was still burning against Hyunjin’s thigh in the pocket of his sweats.

“Just leave it on his nightstand, he’ll find it from there. And then hide. Or don’t. I don’t know, Seungmin is careful enough to not say something in front of the others”, Changbin had wheezed as they had stopped right in front of the place where the forest trail turned to suburbs. Hyunjin had simply nodded and swiped sweat off of his forehead.

And then he hadn’t left it on Seungmin’s nightstand. In fact, he had found himself something else to do until it was his time to take a nap, and he could feel it, on the afternoon tea, that the atmosphere had shifted again, it was getting icier, more silent, the others had noticed Hyunjin and Seungmin didn’t really talk to each other and Hyunjin knew Seungmin was smart enough to guess what Hyunjin was bothered by, so he avoided the boy at all costs and headed for his nap early. Very early. Earlier than the others, usually, but at least then he wouldn’t fill the others’ air with his moping around, so maybe it was better.

He had woken up to Changbin poking his cheek, there were leftovers from dinner in the fridge for him, and after that the others decided to watch some historical documentary, but Hyunjin had to leave for his nightshift midway through, so he did. With the book. That had been on Seungmin’s nightstand, abandoned. And there Hyunjin sat as the night deepened around him, staring at that book about the doors, then at the treeline for any shadows, and then at the book again.

Seungmin didn’t stop by, he was tired, that’s what Hyunjin had heard him saying to Jeongin. The house quieted down behind Hyunjin’s back as the woods came alive, he could once again see the hue of the blue fox at the edge of the forest. Some bunnies had come out, too, they played at the other side of the yard, and Hyunjin just hoped the foxes would leave them alone.

With a sigh he took the book in his hands, ran his fingers across the burnt edges. Someone wanted to keep them here, someone wanted to keep them from opening any doors. Hyunjin set the book on the table in front of him, before turning to the first page. Half burnt, simply with a circle in the middle. He scrolled through a few pages, tried to find the ones that could still be read. It was odd. The other books were completely fine, but this one wasn’t. They hadn’t visited the university to see if the other books of the same topic were like this, too. Probably. What were the chances that the only book that contained answers Hyunjin wanted and was in a language that he could understand was burnt? The others were probably too. Had to be.

Hyunjin found a page that was somewhat intact and readable. The handwritten ink had faded a little over time, and the almost cursive text was hard to read. And then Hyunjin realized he had left the dictionary thing inside and he couldn’t leave his post for the night and sighed again. Magnificent! He wasn’t being much of a Sherlock right now.

Hyunjin took a walk around the house to see that everything was alright, no shadows in sight, just a few deer in their backyard. It was still a bit odd to Hyunjin how the animals weren’t scared of him at all, just stared at him and continued whatever they had been doing. He returned to his post, got back to the book, realized that if it was hard for Seungmin to read it then it would be impossible for him, and just decided to look for any pictures. Or easily readable passages. And there he sat, as the night turned around him.

Circles. Cycles. Hyunjin found the same things Seungmin had. Everything was cyclical. But what did it mean? What things were cyclical? Sure, Hyunjin knew seasons were cyclical. Weeks, months, days, years, all of it. But still… wasn’t it also linear? Time passed forwards, not in cycles. How could it be both? Or was this whole thing just about perspective? Hyunjin sighed, leaned against the backrest of the sofa, rubbed his temples. Everything was cyclical. Every. Thing. Was. Cyclical.

The world was cyclical.

The world was cyclical.

The, the world- the entire, not just their world, the entire world, the entire universe, all of the dimensions!

Hyunjin breathed out. The circle wasn’t just about the people! It was about the entire world! The dimensions, the places, they weren’t linear, they created a circle! The circles themselves created an intertwined circle, because everything was cyclical! Everything was cyclical, so there was no ending! Hyunjin could see it in his mind, the circles written in the notebooks, the ones at the university, how from a line they turned to a circle themselves, the world was cyclical!

And that meant only one thing. All the doors Hyunjin would see in this realm wouldn’t lead randomly wherever. They would lead to the next one. And the doors in that realm would lead to the next one. And eventually the doors at the last realm would lead to the real world, and the real world would lead back here because the world was cyclical and a circle, and there was no end!

There was a way. There was a way out, and Hyunjin had found it.

And now he would have to leave.

Chapter Text

He’d have to leave. He would have to leave. Hyunjin would have to leave on his own, he knew that.

The others didn’t want to leave, Seungmin was content here, so were the others, and they deemed the doors as dangerous. And they could be dangerous, Hyunjin knew that, but if he’d leave in the morning and go through the first door he’d see, then the shadows wouldn’t get through, right? Since they only appeared during the night. And then Hyunjin wouldn’t stop, he’d continue going through the doors until he’d reach the right realm. He was a fast runner, and he’d take some salt with him, and he’d be able to run from the shadows long enough, until he’d reach the right realm. Yeah. That’s what he’d do.

And then, when he would get back, he’d try… to find the door back here. And then he’d leave a letter or something to let the others know that he had found the way back and if they wanted, he’d help them get back to the real world because the doors only worked one way, except if someone would pull you through them from the other side. Yea. That sounded good. There couldn’t be countless of dimensions, since it was a circle, they had to start over at some point.

And Hyunjin didn’t want to bother the others. Chan had been through too much, so had Felix and Jisung, and the rest were reluctant to leave, too and so used to this place but Hyunjin wasn’t, so he’d go alone. And the others… well, Hyunjin didn’t really… belong. Or that’s how it felt. So if Hyunjin would go alone, then they wouldn’t have to… endure his presence any longer since he had already caused so much trouble. And then when he’d find his way back, then he’d signal them that if they wanted to, he’d help them get back. Yeah. The plan was forming in Hyunjin’s head so fast he had a hard time grasping it.

But if he were to go, he’d have to leave now. Otherwise he’d might start hesitating, and he would definitely burst and tell the others his realization and that could cause even more trouble and Chan would probably get mad or something because he was so worried for everyone’s safety, which he had every right to be, but Hyunjin was fast and had already survived a night of shadows, so he could do that again just fine. It had been scary, sure, but then again… Hyunjin could take a little fear if that would mean he’d get back to his parents. It would be worth it. It would be worth it, if he’d get his life back. His friends, his team, his family… all of it. He’d get it back. And now he had a way of getting it back.

He’d have to leave in the morning, before anyone else would wake up. Minho was always the first one up, but he didn’t wake up instantly with the sun, the sun was usually already up when he woke up. And he wouldn’t notice Hyunjin being gone, anyway, in fact, it would be Seungmin, because the others would think he’d be still sleeping and Seungmin usually slept rather late into the morning, so he’d be the one to notice Hyunjin was gone. But Hyunjin could leave a message, tell them shortly what they had found out and keep an eye on the doors or any odd signs because that would mean that he was on the other side and then what. What? Hyunjin had no idea. He’d figure that out then. And maybe, if and when he’d find his way back to the real world, Seungmin might… change his mind and come back home with him. Maybe. But he had every right to be here, too.

And maybe that did sting. What if something went wrong- no. Nothing would, because Hyunjin knew how to avoid the shadows and how to get past them. He’d do just fine. He’d get back home. There were no other options. And he would be able to communicate with Seungmin, Hyunjin would have a way, and even if he really really really liked Seungmin, getting his old life back was… well. He wanted it back. He also wanted Seungmin to kiss him. But some things were definite, and he could move on, he could, he believed in himself, if that were the case, he would be able to move on and… if they’d be long enough in different realms, maybe he, too, would forget about Seungmin. Except that Hyunjin didn’t want that. And Seungmin was smart, and he probably didn’t like Hyunjin that way and he had so many close friends now, he’d probably forget Hyunjin, too. Yeah. Hyunjin would leave. First thing in the morning. As soon as the first sparks of sunlight would seep through the branches of the forest.

So he waited. Buzzing with anticipation, he waited, and as soon as the horizon started to get just slightly lighter, he knew the night was over. He felt like electricity. He felt almost nauseous with all of the emotions swarming inside of him. He tiptoed back into the house, closed the door behind him quietly before going upstairs. What did he need? How long would it take? Hyunjin had no idea. Maybe some clothing. Maybe some food, a flashlight, a bottle of water. Since the dimensions were mirrors, there would be food in the next one too, right? And he just had to be fast, always go through the doors until he’d end up in the right one. Yeah. That’s what he was going to do.

As quietly as possible Hyunjin cracked the door open to his and Seungmin’s room. Seungmin was sleeping soundly, and something stirred in Hyunjin’s guts. Was it sadness? It definitely was. His decision was going to affect Seungmin, but… Staying here would affect Hyunjin. And maybe it was better, Hyunjin was so dependent of Seungmin and now he would get that peace of mind…

This was his chance, Hyunjin realized. There could be no more chances after this. Hyunjin had to do it now, he had to let Seungmin know that he was lovable and nothing that he thought of himself. Hyunjin had to tell Seungmin how he felt, because after he’d close the front door of their little house, he might never be able to do it again. Even if they would meet after this. Because they would. Hyunjin would come back to let them know that he was fine and had found the way.

So Hyunjin did what he thought would be best. He set the letter, folded a few times on Seungmin’s side of the bed on his nightstand, underneath his glasses. Seungmin would find the letter from there. For a moment Hyunjin let his gaze linger on Seungmin’s sleeping features in the faint morning light. He looked so peaceful. He looked so gorgeous. Absolutely stunning. Hyunjin swiped one strand of hair gently away from Seungmin’s face where it was tickling his nose before standing up. He felt a knot forming in his throat, and maybe he felt sad. For some reason. And he felt something else, too, as if he was forgetting something, but he had no idea what.

But he didn’t have time to think. He quickly fumbled through his belongings, got his backpack and a few clothes and stuffed them into the bag, before opening the door to the hallway. He took one last glance at Seungmin, who was still sleeping, completely undisturbed by Hyunjin moving around the room.
“See you, Seungmin”, Hyunjin whispered as he quietly closed the door to their room after him.

He tiptoed the stairs down, quickly scuttled to the kitchen to get some water and a few snacks as he hadn’t really eaten anything through the whole night. Not that he felt hungry. He felt like so much energy was coursing through his body that it was hard to breathe. After stuffing the bottle of water into his backpack he scanned around the room. He needed to leave a note. So he opened one of the kitchen drawers, pulled out one of those post-it notes that Felix always stuck on the fridge and a pen.

‘I found the doors. I know how they work. Keep an eye on your surroundings, I’m going to let you all know when I get back.’

Hyunjin hesitated for a moment, before adding a ‘Thanks and sorry for everything’ and his name on the note. Then he drew the circles in a circle, he knew Seungmin would get it, he knew he would understand what Hyunjin had understood because if Hyunjin could understand, then so would Seungmin. Hyunjin stuck the neon yellow note on the fridge door before hurrying to the hallway. He grabbed a flashlight from on top of the bureau and pulled his sneakers on. He tied them so well they wouldn’t accidentally open because he was in a hurry. He’d have to… get through a door as fast as possible. Because no one could stop him.

Hyunjin stood up, squeezed the flashlight in his hands as he took a deep breath. Then he opened the door, stepped out, shut the door, started running and didn’t look back.

***

Reflective surfaces. Windows. Bus stops. Glass doors. Hyunjin could hear his heart in his ears, he could feel the adrenaline surging through him. He searched, he kept searching, he kept jogging around the center of the city, looking for the doors. Chan had said it, he had said that the more there were reflective surfaces, the more there would be doors.

The morning hadn’t got far yet, Hyunjin still had time, but he could feel the hurry creeping up on him. He had to get through before the others would stop him because they definitely would because they didn’t understand. They didn’t understand Hyunjin and his ache to go back, his loathing for change, they didn’t understand any of it, and Hyunjin didn’t want to burden them.

It was quiet, Hyunjin’s steps echoed in the streets as he spun around in every corner, trying to find any glimmering, any windows that might be doors to the next realm over. Then he’d have to do this again, and again, and again until he’d reach the end, the real world. And then the cycle would start again. Everything was cyclical. It made so much sense.

Another street, the morning light bathed everything in golden, it was still early, very early, the others weren’t probably awake yet, at least Hyunjin hoped so. He had run with all of his might to get to the city, he had stopped to look around at every single window he had seen.

And he had seen the god. The huge stag with golden eyes. It had stared at him across the road before moving away, Hyunjin had had to stop in order to let the stag go first. It had been just a feeling, he just… it would have been rude to approach. Especially running.

But that wasn’t the first thing in Hyunjin’s mind right now, he had to find the door, he had to find the way!

And then he did, at the corner of his eye, he could see something shifting, something glimmering, his breath got caught in his throat. He ran to the window as fast as he could, touched the slightly, just slightly rippling surface,

and his fingers met the cold, hard glass of the window. That wasn’t a door here. It was a door from the real world to their world. Hyunjin sighed, this wasn’t the one, he had to find the one. He slowed his steps down as he turned from another street corner to another alley before arriving at the central market area of the city. Hyunjin decided to stand still for a moment, just stop and breathe, he took a swig from his bottle of water. He had time. He had time, not much, but he still had it, no need to panic, not yet.

But what if? What if he wouldn’t find a door? What if the others would find him before that? What then? Hyunjin didn’t want to think about it. He didn’t want to think about anything except the fact that he would find that door. He would. He had to. The more he strolled around the city the more anxious he got. The sun was rising higher, the temperature of the day warmer, Hyunjin had to take his hoodie off. He tied it around his waist as he continued to walk around the streets. The others were probably waking up already, which meant that Hyunjin was running out of time. He was running out of time, all the time, he had to get back and if he didn’t then he would certainly run out of time, he had to-

There.

There, on a bus stop! The glass seemed to be rippling, almost glimmering in the morning light. Hyunjin sprinted towards the bus stop, his heartrate spiked, this had to be the one, it had to! Hyunjin stopped in front of the glass, still shimmering, there was no time, please, let this be the one, please please please let this be the one, he reached forwards,

and his fingers went through the glass. It was a door. It was the correct door.

Without a second thought he closed his eyes and stepped through the door just as he heard a faint “Hyunjin!” from somewhere far away from him.

*

Going through the door felt exactly like it had done back then – Hyunjin felt like he stepped through a cold puddle, only this time he wasn’t falling, nor were his clothes getting wet as it wasn’t a real puddle. The cold of the door felt like it engulfed Hyunjin, wrapped around him, surged right through him so hard that he gasped and stumbled as he stepped on the pavement on the other side of the door. He grabbed on to the side of the bus stop to not fall face-first on the ground.

“You alright?” Someone asked from beside him. Hyunjin lifted his gaze, and there was an old man next to him, newspaper open on his lap as he sat on the bench of the bus stop.
“Yeah, I’m alright, thanks”, Hyunjin mumbled. What the- was this person living here? What was going on? What the-

Hyunjin stepped out from underneath the bus stop, as the complete shock dawned upon him. He couldn’t believe his eyes. He could not believe his eyes.

He was… back home?

The street ahead of him was busy. It was the same street. The one he had just entered the door from. Now it was just. Real. It was real. The coffee shop was open. There were people sitting outside of it, eyes covered with sunglasses as the day was sunny. A bus drove past him, a red car behind it. Someone was walking a dog, another was out with his wife, there were families, there were people, there were so many people around him! There were people! This was his city, this was his little town, and he had found his way back home!

“You sure you’re alright?” The old man asked.
“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine.” Hyunjin couldn’t help the wild grin on his face. “May I ask what day it is?”
“It’s twelfth of May.”
Twelfth of May? Hyunjin had disappeared on the twelfth of May! Or not disappeared, he had fallen through the door, but now he was back? He was back! This was his city, his little town, these people were real people with their own lives who knew nothing of the world beneath the thin veil!
“Thanks”, Hyunjin mumbled again. He had to head home. He had to- just see his parents and- god, he was about to burst!

Hyunjin took a few trying steps on the street. It was real. The street was real, and unbroken, it was just as it had been before. It wasn’t abandoned. Time hadn’t done its tricks on it. It was just a street, and the flower shop was open, too, and there were pots outside of it, filled with pink flowers. Hyunjin turned his head around, he couldn’t stop looking around him, he couldn’t stop looking at everything!

He was home. This was the center of the little town just as he remembered it. He glanced at the bus stop next to him, it wasn’t rippling anymore. He reached for it; his fingertips brushed against cold, hard glass. The door had closed.

Hyunjin had been wrong. Or the books had been wrong. He didn’t- or maybe they weren’t necessarily wrong, Hyunjin had been just… fortunate. He had found the right door in one go! There were doors leading back and forth, maybe they were just really scarce. Or something.

It didn’t matter. Hyunjin was home.

He spun around on the street, took a better hold of his backpack in order to hold on to something to not lose his sanity. He was home. And now he would go home. To his parents. He’d see his parents. He’d see his parents!

Hyunjin sped his steps, his feet felt light as if he was flying through the streets of the city instead of just walking. Some store employee greeted him and Hyunjin smiled back at her. He couldn’t wait to get home. He couldn’t wait- wait, would he tell his parents everything? Of course he would! He would probably sound insane, yes, but his father had seen him in the reflections, so- but wait, it was May twelfth, right? So… he hadn’t seen Hyunjin? Maybe he wouldn’t say anything. Maybe he’d just… see how… life would… go on and… start looking for the doors in order to get a message to the seven he had left behind.

Hyunjin could feel his throat tightening as the streets turned even more familiar. One of the houses on his street seemed to have been demolished, Hyunjin had no idea they’d do that but maybe he had just forgot about it. Hyunjin rounded another street corner, there were a few potholes in the asphalt, filled with water. It had rained recently. Because it had. Since Hyunjin had… fallen into the other realm probably just… a few hours ago because it clearly wasn’t morning anymore. And it had rained the day before his falling through the puddle, Hyunjin could still remember that.

Bees were buzzing in the bushes next to the road, a few cars passed by, one of them Hyunjin’s neighbor. She raised her hand and waved at Hyunjin, and Hyunjin did the same to her, joy pricking him underneath his skin. The lady had a wide smile on her face, which was perhaps a little unusual, because Hyunjin usually saw her just frowning at her bushes in her front yard. A nice lady otherwise.

And then Hyunjin reached his home. He took in a deep breath behind the high hedgerow before he stepped on the gravel of the front yard of his house.

There it was. His house. His home. Hyunjin felt an insane amount of relief washing over him, he could feel the tears brimming in his eyes. There it was, his house, the lights were on in the kitchen, the garage door was open and Hyunjin could see someone inside of it, working on something at the workbench behind the car. Hyunjin’s shoes crackled against the gravel and the figure inside the garage turned around.

“Oh, Hyunjin, there you are! You weren’t answering your phone, your mother was a little worried about you. Did you take a longer jog?” It was his father. A longer jog. Hyunjin had been just on a jog. Running around the surroundings. For months.
“Yea. I was on… a run”, Hyunjin whimpered, his voice seemed to have left him.
“Are you alright? The lunch will be ready soon, I hope you’re hungry.”
“Y-yea, I am.” Hyunjin could feel his composure breaking as he stepped into the garage. Everything was as it was supposed to. Even the car was the same.

Hyunjin couldn’t help himself, he reached for his father and pulled him into a tight hug, trying his hardest to not burst into tears against his shoulder.
“Jinnie, dear, is everything alright?”
“Everything’s fine. I just… I just missed you.” Hyunjin mumbled against his father’s shoulder. The arms wrapping around him felt so familiar, and for a moment Hyunjin felt like he was a little kid again.
“Silly boy, we just saw each other a few hours ago”, his father laughed but hugged him, nevertheless. Hyunjin took a deep breath as he let go of his dad, quickly wiping the tears away before he’d notice. Big boys didn’t cry on occasions like this. Or they did, actually, but that’s what his dad always told him (his mom didn’t agree on it).

“I, I’ll go see what mom’s up to”, Hyunjin muttered, his dad simply mumbled something agreeing before turning back to his work bench. Hyunjin was home. Hyunjin was really home, and it was like nothing had happened to him in the past months. In fact, time hadn’t passed at all. Nothing had happened to him.

Hyunjin exited the garage, rushed over the yard to the front door. The door was open, which it usually was if someone was home. He hastily opened the door, kicked his sneakers off of his feet, dropped his backpack on the floor and padded to the kitchen, where he heard his mom cooking. Everything was the same. The house was the same. The stairs weren’t broken, there wasn’t Hyunjin’s blood on them, the floor hadn’t given out in the living room. Hyunjin quickly stepped into the kitchen, where his mother was just placing a pot on the stove.

“Hyunjin, dear! Where did you go, I tried calling your phone?”
Hyunjin couldn’t get words out of his mouth, nor could he stop the tears anymore. There his mother was, standing in her light blue apron on the other side of the kitchen.
“Sorry”, Hyunjin whimpered, his mother looked at him a little concerned.
“Come here, did something happen?” His mother rushed from the other side to Hyunjin, took hold of his shoulders and a good look of him up and down. Then she pulled Hyunjin into a hug, and Hyunjin answered the hug with all of his might, hugging her with all of the emotion pent up inside of him for the last… months away. Months that hadn’t actually passed.

His parents had never had to grieve for him, Hyunjin realized. They had never found him dead.

“Come, come now, the food is ready, go fetch your father and wash your hands”, his mother ushered him out of the kitchen. So Hyunjin did as told, ran back to the garage to tell his dad that lunch was ready and after that he ran to the bathroom to wash his hands. Everything was the same. Everything was so familiar.  

He seated himself at the lunch table on the place he usually sat. His father sat on the place he usually sat. His mother sat on the place she usually sat. And there they were. Hyunjin couldn’t- he couldn’t process it. He was back. He was home. He had longed for so long to go back home and now he was home. He was really, truly home! And it took everything in his willpower to just not start crying in front of his parents.

Hyunjin’s mother had cooked some stew, and Hyunjin munched on it very happily as his parents talked about this and that. Usual stuff. Daily life. It was so… it was so normal it felt overwhelming. Hyunjin couldn’t, he couldn’t wait to let Seungmin and the others know that he had found it! He had found the right door and got back home!
“Oh, right, Hyunjin, didn’t you hear my calls?” Hyunjin’s mother turned her attention to his son. Hyunjin fumbled with his pockets, searched for his phone. He had remembered at the last second to take it with him from the house as he hadn’t touched it in… ages since phones didn’t work in the other realm.
“N-no, sorry, I”, Hyunjin took his phone, tried to switch it on. “I guess… It must have run out of battery, sorry.” The screen didn’t light up. But… it hadn’t even been that long, right? It had been a few hours. “Or maybe it’s broken. I um… I fell on the run so… maybe it broke there.”
“Ah, I see. No worries, I was just going to ask whether you wanted some takeaway for lunch, but I decided to cook then instead.”
“It’s, it’s alright, this is perfect”, Hyunjin smiled at his mother. Takeaway was odd. She never wanted to buy takeaway.

The smile on his mother’s face didn’t fall. Hyunjin then realized that his dad was smiling, too. And that neither of them was eating.
“I-is everything alright?”
“Everything’s fine, darling, just eat your food.” They answered, almost in unison. Hyunjin swallowed. Odd. Maybe some time had passed, after all. Or maybe Hyunjin was just reading too much into things. He was an overthinker, after all.

Hyunjin ate a bit more. There was a sudden silence in the room, it started to feel a bit pressuring. It made the hairs on the back of Hyunjin’s neck stand up.
“They’re so easy to deceive, aren’t they, my darling?”
Hyunjin looked up again. The smiles on his parents’ faces had widened. The grins started to feel almost unnatural. Too wide. Out of character. Too out of character.
“W-what?” Hyunjin mumbled. His father glanced at his mother, the grin never faltering. Hyunjin’s grip on his chopsticks tightened.

“They are. Very easy”, his mother answered to his father. Hyunjin could feel his heartbeat quickening. He didn’t understand. He didn’t understand. What was going on?
“W-who’s they? What do you mean by deceive?” Hyunjin asked, voice breaking. This wasn’t- no. Oh my god, no.
“They. You, my dear.”
“No”, Hyunjin whispered. No. Oh no. No no no. The shadows aren’t what they seem. The shadows aren’t what they seem. The shadows aren’t what they seem!

“Oh, yes, my darling”, Hyunjin’s mother, the figure of his mother giggled, and the giggle sounded so unnatural that Hyunjin’s fight or flight-instinct kicked him immediately up from the chair.
“Who are you?!” he screamed at the two things in front of him, whose grins stretched almost from ear to ear.
“We are your parents, my dear.”
“No, no, no you are not my parents!”
“We are what your stupid little brain is capable of handling. We are gods, my dear. We are shadows. We are shapeless, we are the void, we are far beyond what your soul can make”, his father snickered. Hyunjin took a step back, another, this wasn’t happening, this wasn’t happening, this wasn’t real, oh my god this wasn’t real-

Hyunjin’s third step back was suddenly stopped as his father, the figure, the thing that was trying to be his father lunged at him, took him by his throat and slammed him against the kitchen wall. Hyunjin’s sight went black for a second, his head buzzed, he immediately gripped the hands holding him in place and tried to struggle for air. The hand around his neck tightened, Hyunjin had to gasp for air. His father, no, the shadow looked at him with pity in his eyes.

“What should we do with this one, dear? He got far. Should we send him back?”
“What- are- you?” Hyunjin wheezed in between the gasps, he tried kicking, he tried scratching, but the man, the shadow didn’t falter and neither did the grin on his face.
“We? We are what you have made.”
“Oh child, we are far beyond your understanding”, the figure of Hyunjin’s mother giggled.
“We are complete destruction. Utter isolation. We are the apocalypse, we are the climate change, we are the economic collapse and the virus that spreads and shatters your world. We are everything you have brought upon yourselves. What goes around, comes around, my dear little boy.”

Hyunjin felt the thing’s other hand gripping his face, he tried to bite it, he could feel the fingers digging on his cheeks, the nails spearing through his skin.
“I could rip your face off right now”, the creature whispered, then giggled. “I could devour you, I could leave you alone in a dark room and call out to you with the voices of everyone you have lost. And you have lost everything, Hwang Hyunjin. You have lost everything.”
The lights were dancing in Hyunjin’s vision, he needed air, he desperately needed air that he tried to gasp, he needed to get away, these weren’t his parents, this wasn’t his realm, he had- he had-
“I could let you go. I could let you get back to the realm you came from. I could tell you how to open the doors to the last world, I could let you open us a door into your world. But I am hungry, and I haven’t eaten in centuries.”

He was in the kitchen. Next to the counter. Hyunjin let go of the hand holding him, reached, reached, gasped for air, he felt the fingers digging into his skin, he felt blood seeping out of the small crescent-shaped wounds, he needed, he needed-

The salt package. Hyunjin got a grip of it and emptied its contents on the creature holding him. It let out a shrill screech before backing into the nearest corner, away from the salt, it curled into itself and kept screaming with a sound so unnatural Hyunjin would never forget it. Hyunjin slumped down on the floor, gasping, choking on air as he tried to get it back into his lungs. The other creature jumped towards him and Hyunjin threw the rest of the salt package right at its face, he saw as the salt landed on the creature’s skin and started immediately burning it with a sizzling noise.

He had to get away. He had to get away.

Hyunjin crawled on all fours into the hallway, the house started breaking apart around him. Hyunjin heard a crack from the stairs, and suddenly there was a hole in them right in the place that Hyunjin had broken. The floor underneath Hyunjin started to give in, he finally got to his feet, the adrenaline in him started pushing him forwards so hard it nearly flung him off his feet. He got to the door, made out the words from the shrill screech behind his back: “Get him! Rip him to pieces, make him regret ever having been born!”

Hyunjin crashed out of the door to the front yard of his house. Decay. Everything was full of decay and destruction. The car had broken down, the garage roof had completely given in, the hedgerows had grown so much they had blocked the way to the street and Hyunjin got scratches all over himself as he ran through them. He didn’t- where- which way to go, where to go, where would he go, this wasn’t his realm, he wasn’t back home, this wasn’t home, this was yet another wrong realm!

Hyunjin heard a scream from somewhere behind him and started running. Doors, there had to be more doors, and he needed reflective surfaces for them, he had to get away so he had to run back to the city, everything was broken, most of the houses were decayed, there was so much overgrowth on the street that Hyunjin couldn’t see the asphalt anymore, this wasn’t his realm, this wasn’t his realm, the shadows weren’t what they seemed!

Chan had been right, Seungmin had been right, they had all been right and Hyunjin had been so incredibly stupid to try out his luck, they had told him, they had told him it would be dangerous and it was dangerous and now Hyunjin was in danger and he needed a door, he needed a door to the next realm, he couldn’t stay here, he couldn’t!

Hyunjin ran like he had never done so before. The adrenaline running through his veins kept him going, run a street after a street, he didn’t have any shoes on and could feel the grass pricking his feet, he dodged a broken bus stop and hoped he wouldn’t get any shards of glass in his feet, he didn’t, he ran, he ran, a scream, a screech, he ran with his heart in his throat and tears pricking his eyes.

They were right, they had all been right and Hyunjin had been wrong, and he had left them all behind with just a tiny note, he had left Seungmin behind, he had left them all and now he was here, and there were no doors, just decay and destruction, empty, abandoned houses after one another, the sky had darkened, and Hyunjin could see, he could see – flickers. Flickering shadows at the periphery of his view, some taking shapes resembling humans, some more definite than the others.

A cry tore from Hyunjin’s throat as he lunged to an alleyway, he tried searching, he was out of breath, he felt like he was running in tar and he wasn’t moving, as if he was running in a nightmare, he heard screeching around him, there were no doors, Hyunjin couldn’t see any, he couldn’t see any rippling surfaces, the windows, most of them were broken, the houses were empty, they seemed to be in such a state that Hyunjin wouldn’t have dared to go in in case the buildings would collapse. He needed a door, he needed one, but there wasn’t any, there were no doors!

Flickering. Darkness lingered close to Hyunjin, Hyunjin took a tight left, the city he ran through was the same but not, it was in shambles, it had been abandoned centuries ago, everything at the brink of collapse. On one window was taped the first page of a newspaper – and in the middle of it, in bold letters read ‘Boy found dead from the woods, no suspect of crime’. Hyunjin needed doors, he needed salt, there were nothing, nothing but shadows in this realm, he- he had made a mistake, he should have listened to his friends, he should have listened to them and let go and never try to go back and look for the doors, he should have listened to them!

Flickering. Hyunjin gasped, backed a few steps, tried to look around, there were shadows lingering around, they were faster here, they were so much faster and Hyunjin sprinted to a run again, another street and suddenly he was in the marketplace of the city center, a shrill screech echoed everywhere and Hyunjin was so scared, he was so so so scared, and there-

Flickering. Rippling. On a bus stop window, still intact, not yet broken. Rippling. A door. There was a door. There was a door, Hyunjin felt like he was in a daze, he dodged the shadowy figure on his left, on his right, the bus stop was close, so so close, there was a door, there was a door to the other side, it ripples, shimmered in the darkness, Hyunjin reached for it, he reached for the door,

and his fingertips brushed against the cold, hard glass of the bus stop.

Wrong door.

A sob wracked through Hyunjin’s body as he hit the glass once. Wrong door. He couldn’t use this door. He slumped against it, the glass felt cold against his skin as he pulled his knees close to his chest, leaning against the rippling door that was for the other way and not for his way. He had lost. He had lost everything, just as the creature had said. He had promised Seungmin to not leave him behind and he had done that. He had left Seungmin behind. He had left all of them, he hadn’t listened to them and now he was going to die, just because he was stupid and stubborn.

He had broken the promise. He had left Seungmin behind, he had left Seungmin behind like all the others had, he had promised him to never go anywhere without him, and now he was here, at the wrong door, he saw the shadows swarming him, he saw the darkness cornering him, he could hear it, he could hear the screams, the screeches, he could hear the death speaking to him, he had broken his promise to Seungmin and this, this was the outcome of it.

He had broken his promise to Seungmin, he had left without him, and that thought speared through his chest with so much pain Hyunjin had never experienced such. And now he was going to die, and there was nothing he could do to stop it, nothing he could do to run from the shadows. There were no more doors, Hyunjin didn’t have time to search for them anymore, he had been caught. There was nothing in between him and the void. There was nothing between him and death.

And as the shadows reached for Hyunjin, cornered him in that bus stop Hyunjin had just entered the realm, he let them and felt their tight grip pull him backwards into nothingness.

Chapter Text

Hyunjin felt himself being pulled back, he felt the cold seeping under his skin, momentarily he felt like he was pulled underwater as the world around him collapsed. He heard shattering, he heard screaming, he heard his own sobs as he let the shadows pull him into the nothingness. Then that nothingness seemed to shatter, too.

“Hyunjin! Hyunjin!”
Hyunjin gasped as the cold let go of him, as the world came back to him. He was on the ground, on broken asphalt, someone was shaking him from his shoulders.
“Oh my gods, holy shit.”
“Hyunjin!”
It took a second for Hyunjin to understand what was going on, and as he did that, he immediately, almost violently pulled back. Was this a trick? Had the creatures followed him? Had they pulled him into another one of their traps?

“S-Seungmin?” He breathed out. This couldn’t- what-
Seungmin reached for Hyunjin’s face, Hyunjin backed away, his back bumping against something cold. Glass. The bus stop. Hyunjin had just- he had just sat on the other side of it-
“Hyunjin, it’s me”, Seungmin whimpered. He had tear stains running down his cheeks, there was a small cut on his cheek. Hyunjin shook his head:
“Are you real?” he whispered.
Seungmin nodded, clearly confused. Hyunjin couldn’t- he couldn’t-
“Wait.” Seungmin reached for something beside him, there was a backpack, he took a packet of salt from it and poured it on his hands. Hyunjin realized that there were other people, someone was standing behind Seungmin, someone was next to Hyunjin, he heard hasty steps.

Otherwise it was quiet. Dead quiet. The screaming had stopped.
“Am I dead?” Hyunjin asked. He couldn’t tear his eyes off of Seungmin. Was this real? The salt didn’t have any effect on him. He had to- This was-
Seungmin shook his head. He was on his knees in front of Hyunjin, just out of reach. Something clicked into place in Hyunjin’s brain, and he lunged forwards, right into Seungmin’s embrace. He felt arms tighten around him so hard he was sure he was going to burst – and then he did. The sob tore through him, shook him to his very core, the world seemed to finally light up around him and he realized he heard Chan’s voice, then Changbin’s, then Minho’s, and then Seungmin’s.

“Oh my god, Hyunjin, I thought I had lost you”, Seungmin whimpered, hugging Hyunjin as tight as he could and Hyunjin hugged him back, sobbing against his shoulder.
“I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry”, Hyunjin slurred because that’s all he knew right now – he had left Seungmin behind, he had left all of them behind.
“It’s alright, you’re safe now, you’re safe, Hyunjin.” Hyunjin felt someone patting his shoulder, recognized the voice to be Chan’s. He heard yells, more footsteps; “Is it him? Oh my gods!”
“I’m sorry”, Hyunjin whimpered again, he couldn’t- he was so overwhelmed, what if this wasn’t real, it had to be real, how was he here, he, the door-

Seungmin let go of Hyunjin, took him by his shoulders and drew back just a little to take a look at him. Hyunjin was a sobbing mess, his feet hurt, his throat hurt, he didn’t want to let go of Seungmin, he didn’t! But Seungmin softly, very softly cupped Hyunjin’s face, pressed their foreheads together.
“Don’t. Ever. Do. That. Again.” Seungmin whispered, almost hissed through his teeth, he was mad, or maybe not, and then Hyunjin remembered the letter,

and then he realized Seungmin had leaned forwards and was kissing him.

Seungmin. Was. Kissing him?

For a second Hyunjin had no idea what to do, he felt like panicking, Seungmin was kissing him, he was kissing him! Hesitantly Hyunjin gripped the fabric of Seungmin’s hoodie on his shoulders so the boy wouldn’t have time to pull back before it would take Hyunjin time to gather himself, and then he kissed Seungmin back with all of his might.

Seungmin was kissing him. Kim Seungmin was kissing him, this was real, and Hyunjin was not dead. He was- he hadn’t died. The shadows hadn’t got to him.

Seungmin drew away to breathe, there were more tears in his eyelashes, and he tried to blink them away. Then he pulled Hyunjin into another tight hug.
“I thought I lost you, I thought- I thought, I, we’ve been searching and-“
“I’m sorry”, Hyunjin blurted out once more, he felt Seungmin shaking his head, then someone else voiced from beside them:
“I love you two but we gotta get going, the sun is going to set soon.”

Seungmin mumbled a ‘yeah’ before pulling back, wiping the tears off of his face. He was alive. Hyunjin was alive and Seungmin was alive and somehow, somehow, he had pulled Hyunjin through the door right on time. Hyunjin couldn’t believe it. He couldn’t- it was so overwhelming and everything was so much and he hadn’t died and-!

Hyunjin felt a hand on his shoulder, he finally looked around him. All seven of them, all of them were here. They had all… they had all come looking for him. Felix helped Seungmin up, Hyunjin felt an arm curling around his waist and underneath his shoulder.
“Don’t look down, you’re bleeding.” It was Changbin. Hyunjin let Changbin help him up, and then he immediately clung on to the other boy, hugging him. Changbin hugged him back.
“You got us really worried there, buddy. We have been searching three days straight for you.”
“T-three days?” Hyunjin abruptly pulled back. “I- I was gone, I, there, I was like an hour in there?”
Changbin looked at him, then at the others, then at Hyunjin again.
“Looks like it was quite rough of an hour. C’mon, we gotta get going.”

Except they didn’t get going, because then Felix engulfed Hyunjin into a hug and Hyunjin didn’t miss the tear stains on his cheeks either,
“I am so mad at you Hwang Hyunjin, don’t ever do that again!” the boy sobbed, and Hyunjin mumbled another string of sorrys on his shoulder. Then it was Jisung’s turn, after that Hyunjin got an armful of Jeongin.
“We’re so glad you’re back, oh my god”, he muttered on Hyunjin’s shoulder and Hyunjin felt guilty and happy and so so overwhelmed.

“Is he alright? Chan. I can smell blood, is he alright?” Minho’s voice was a little shaky.
“He… he’s, um, there are cuts on his feet and a bad-looking bruise around his neck. And he has a few small cuts on his face.”
Hyunjin turned to Chan and Minho, who were standing side by side. Hyunjin stopped, he didn’t know what to do, Chan was probably furious, he was probably so so angry Hyunjin had once again done stupid shit like that,

but Chan simply took a step forward and pulled him into a hug. He didn’t say anything, Hyunjin heard him let out a shaky breath, and after that he whispered:
“I’m glad you’re back.”
Hyunjin answered to the hug, the reality of the situation started slowly seeping into him, he started to realize how close he had been to losing absolutely everything. After Chan let go, Minho reached a hand forward and Hyunjin took that hand, and he got yet another hug and a “Don’t ever make me worry like that again, Hyunjin”, and Hyunjin could tell that Minho wasn’t mad, he was relieved.

They weren’t mad. At least. Not right now. And Hyunjin was back, and he was shaking, he could feel his whole being start to tremble and he didn’t know how to stop it.
“The cars are around the block, we gotta go”, Chan said as he took Minho’s hand. Hyunjin took a step forward, he hadn’t moved at all yet, and immediately cried out. He hadn’t missed the broken glass. He hadn’t just felt it with the adrenaline running through his veins. Seungmin quickly reached for him, Changbin propped him from the other side.
“There’s a nasty cut on your right leg. We’ll help you to the cars, we don’t have to walk to the house. We’ll remove the glass from your wound there. Don’t look down, you’re… covered in blood pretty much.”

But Hyunjin did look down. And if he had been able to hold on to reality up until this point, then he wasn’t able to do that anymore as the adrenaline finally completely drained out of him.

***

Hyunjin could tell in his state that felt something in between nauseous and drunken and so exhausted he could have fallen asleep at the back of his father’s car that Chan was driving and Seungmin was sitting next to Hyunjin, still holding his arm around him, the other one holding his hand. Changbin was next to him on the other side, examining the wounds on his face, Minho was in the front seat and the woods looked very different in the headlights of the car. They drove slowly, the others were in the car behind them, then the car stopped and Seungmin helped Hyunjin up and out. Darkness had fallen around them, Hyunjin hadn’t even realized it was so late, he whimpered as he accidentally stepped on the wrong foot, then he was hauled inside the house and sat down at the living room table.

Bustling and fumbling around him, Changbin took Hyunjin’s leg and propped it on a stool and Hyunjin realized he had been in this very similar situation once before.
“This is going to hurt like a bitch”, the boy in front of him mumbled. And then it did.

Hyunjin cried out as Changbin pressed the cloth soaked in disinfectant against the wound on the sole of his foot. It was probably a rather deep wound, there were drops of blood on the floor, Seungmin held Hyunjin’s hand and Hyunjin squeezed it hard to focus on something else than the pain. He let the tears fall one by one, he let his vision whiten out a few times, only to get back to reality as Seungmin rubbed his shoulders, whispered affirmations to him that he was doing good and he was here and safe and alive.

Changbin tied a ton of gauze around Hyunjin’s foot. Then he rose up, pulled a chair closer to Hyunjin to examine his face. He gently lifted his face with his fingers.
“There’s one bigger wound and a few smaller cuts on your feet. I have no clue how or why you were running there without your shoes, but the wounds should be alright, it’s going to take time for them to heal, and we’ll probably have to get you crutches. How’s your throat? Can you talk? Can you swallow?”
Hyunjin nodded, before answering with a “Yes.”
“Does it hurt?”
Hyunjin nodded again. It did. It hurt a lot. But it didn’t feel like anything was broken. Changbin gently pressed his fingers on Hyunjin’s throat, tried to find anything wrong with it.
“You look like absolute hell. Like you were mauled by a bear. What the fuck did you encounter in there?” he mumbled under his breath, but Hyunjin couldn’t get words out of his mouth. He realized the others had arrived, all of them had returned to the living room, Jisung had his arm around Felix, Chan was leaning against the door frame as Minho sat on the sofa, Applesauce on his lap. Jeongin sat on a stool close to Hyunjin, too. They all looked exhausted. Tired. But somewhat… extremely relieved?

“This is going to hurt like hell again. Sorry”, Changbin mumbled and then started cleaning the small wounds on Hyunjin’s face and it took everything in Hyunjin’s willpower to not scream out loud. He squeezed Seungmin’s hand again as one by one Changbin cleaned the five small crescent-shaped wounds on his face.
“These aren’t deep, but I think I’ll still put bandaids on the deeper ones.” And then he did, put two white bandaids on Hyunjin’s face to cover the bigger wounds up after cleaning his face.
“There. You’re alright. You’re safe. Now what the hell happened to you? What did you-? Why-?“
“Changbin”, Chan muttered from the door frame as a warning. Changbin shut his mouth, looked at Hyunjin with relief mixed with slight anger. He had made them worry. Hyunjin had made them worry, so so much. He had been stupid and now the others were mad.
“I, um, I think it’s best for all of us to sleep now, we’ll save the story for tomorrow, if that’s alright for everyone. What matters right now is that Hyunjin is here and alive and somewhat in one piece, against all odds. You all can head for sleep, gods know we all need it, and I’ll take the night guard shift. There are probably going to be shadows swarming us tonight if my memory recalls correctly.”
“Chan, no, you haven’t slept properly-“
“Neither has anyone else”, Chan interrupted his boyfriend. Minho looked very displeased.
“I’ll stay with you, then. I can’t have you falling asleep on the guard shift.”
“No-“
“Yes, don’t try to cross me.”
“Fine”, Chan sighed, but Hyunjin could tell he was happy about the company.

“Hyunjin, if there’s anything… anything you need, just ask, alright?” Chan then added, his eyes on him. Hyunjin didn’t know, he… he felt awful and still scared yet relieved and he was a mess and shook his head, he didn’t know what he wanted or needed right now. Changbin handed him a glass of water and Hyunjin drank it, only realizing after drinking it that he was thirsty. Chan and Minho disappeared outside, and somewhere in Hyunjin’s haze the others, except for Seungmin bid them good night as well.

“Do you want to stay here or do you… want to go upstairs?” Seungmin crouched down next to Hyunjin.
“I… I don’t know, I haven’t- I haven’t really slept, I, I think it’s best for us to head upstairs, too”, Hyunjin stammered. He could feel that he was tired, but still so alarmed that he was certain the sleep wouldn’t come to him anytime soon, especially if there would be even a hint of shadows in their yard.
“Alright, I’ll help you up, c’mon.”

*

Hyunjin was feeling all kinds of things all at the same time. He felt awkward. He felt horrible. He was hurting. He was still scared, still alarmed, still on the edge, he couldn’t believe he was back here, he couldn’t believe he had somehow got back. Or well, not really, Seungmin had pulled him through the door right at the last second. The amount of luck Hyunjin had had was insane. The doors were only open for mere moments, and Seungmin had happened to be in the right place at the right time and managed to pull Hyunjin out. And he hadn’t died. And then Seungmin had kissed him.

Seungmin had kissed him.

Seungmin had kissed him?

Seungmin had kissed him. Or had Hyunjin imagined that?

And there was just so so so much to process of what had happened within the past hour or two that Hyunjin didn’t even know where to start.

Seungmin helped Hyunjin upstairs by holding his waist, Hyunjin had his arm around Seungmin’s shoulders. Their walking was slow, but every step reminded of the wounds in Hyunjin’s heels in a very unpleasant way. Hyunjin could hear Minho and Chan talking outside, it was night and it was so weird, Hyunjin had been gone only for a few hours and it felt like it had just been night and now it was night again and apparently three days had passed. When it had only been a few hours for Hyunjin. Too much. Way too much.

Somehow the two managed to get to their shared room. Everything was the same. The photos were still on Hyunjin’s nightstand, he hadn’t taken those with him. The bed was unmade, that was odd, or maybe not, Seungmin had been… worried and… searched for Hyunjin and…

Hyunjin felt awkward. So did Seungmin as he let go of Hyunjin. He fumbled with the sleeves of his hoodie, looked around the room and it felt strange, everything felt odd and Hyunjin knew he should apologize but he didn’t even know where to start. Then he realized he had left all of his stuff, including most of his clothes and phone in that other realm and now he’d have to get new ones.

Seungmin stood in front of Hyunjin, looking at his feet and Hyunjin didn’t know what to do. Luckily he didn’t have to come up with anything, because then Seungmin finally lifted his gaze back to Hyunjin and Hyunjin could see tears brimming in his eyes. He realized Seungmin’s lips were bitten raw, he had dark circles under his eyes and a bit of mud on his cheek, accompanying the scratch.
“What were you thinking?” Seungmin hissed, Hyunjin could hear the strain in his voice. He felt shame pouring over him like lava.
“I- I’m-“
“You’re not stupid but you sure are a goddamn dumbass. What did you- did you think you would- no, don’t answer.”
Seungmin was boiling, Hyunjin could visibly see how his hands were shaking, he looked like he was about to burst.
“I’m sorry”, Hyunjin whispered, looking down at his feet and the fuzzy carpet and anywhere else but Seungmin.
“And I… I can’t even be mad at you, because… I-. What was going through your mind? Did you think I would-“
“You wouldn’t have let me go”, Hyunjin mumbled.
“You’re right. I wouldn’t have.” Seungmin’s voice was trembling, too.

There was a brief silence, until Seungmin broke it:
“I’m sorry, Hyunjin.”
Hyunjin lifted his gaze from the ground to the boy in front of him. There was a storm brewing inside of him, he was shaking, a few tears had rolled down his cheeks and Hyunjin wanted so badly to wipe them away but he couldn’t get himself to move because the shame he felt weighed him down, kept him still.
“I wouldn’t have let you go, because I knew. I- I’m sorry.”
“What do you mean?”
Seungmin finally seemed to burst, the dam inside of him broke.
“I, I’m sorry, Hyunjin, I should have told you, I should have. I, I read about the doors, I realized the circles and the doors and that they would eventually lead to the right one because they’re cyclical and the entire world is cyclical and the doors always lead to the next one and they’re not random, but I, I didn’t tell you because I feared something like this was going to happen.”

“And then you, you realized that yourself and- I’m sorry Hyunjin, I was going to tell you but I just, I didn’t know how, I knew you’d be upset and you would have wanted to go and try to get to the real world and I just, I was scared because of what Chan had told me about the shadows and his friends dying in the next realm and I, I didn’t want that same happening to you and I’m sorry Hyunjin, I, I should have told you. I just… I couldn’t find the words. Or the time or the place and then you… then you figured it out yourself faster than I expected and left and- I’m sorry, Hyunjin.”

Seungmin was trembling, his lower lip was quivering, Hyunjin didn’t know what to do. Seungmin had known, but he hadn’t told Hyunjin. That was why he had been distant. That’s what he had realized back on the porch when he had gone quiet. He had known that if Hyunjin had known of the doors, he would have left with the first chance he got.

Which he had done. Seungmin had been right. And Hyunjin hadn’t got very far, and now he knew what was out there in the next realm and how he was probably the first one to survive from that place solely by being lucky.

“I’m sorry”, Hyunjin whimpered. “I… I’m sorry. I truly am, I, I should have talked to you, I just… I thought I would survive and get to the right realm and… I didn’t. I just thought I could avoid all of the things by just going through the doors and… I’m sorry. I, you were right. You are right. I thought I would get back home and then come get you all and I didn’t want to be a burden and make you all worry because I just couldn’t, can’t adjust and let go and I thought, I thought I was doing the right thing and would get back home just fine and-”
“Hyunjin, I… You do realize that you managed to drive half of us crazy of worry with this?”
Hyunjin nodded, he felt guilty, so so so guilty.
“Hyunjin, people worry because they care. We care about you, that’s why I, we, all of us have been worried that you’re going to get too stuck with finding the doors back home. We worry because we care for you and like you. You are our friend. You are my friend. Friends care and they worry, but even if we’re worried, that doesn’t make you a burden.”  
They stood there for a brief moment before Seungmin reached out and pulled Hyunjin into another hug. Hyunjin buried his face on Seungmin’s shoulder, held him tight as he felt Seungmin still trembling in his grasp. He could feel how the boy took in a shaky breath before drawing away again. Hyunjin tried to reach to swipe away the tears on Seungmin’s face, but didn’t get to it, because Seungmin stepped away.

“That’s not the only reason I’m mad at you, Hyunjin.”
Hyunjin’s guts wrenched. He knew he had done wrong, he knew it, he would feel the shame of it for the next three years, he didn’t need any more people mad at him. He didn’t need Seungmin any madder at him. Seungmin turned away, got something from his nightstand and turned back to Hyunjin.

Oh no.

Oh no, it was the letter.

“You write me this and then just leave?”
Hyunjin swallowed. He could see tear stains on the paper.
“You confess your feelings to me and then just leave the entire realm? Did you consider at all how that would make me feel?”
Hyunjin didn’t know what to say.
“I, I’m-“
“Hyunjin, be honest, did you… did you run because you feared my reaction?”
Maybe. Maybe Hyunjin did. That wasn’t the entire thing, it was a huge sum of things that had made him leave, but maybe, just maybe that was part of it, too. With shame Hyunjin nodded. He wanted to look away, but he couldn’t. Seungmin stood there, holding the letter, chewing on his lower lip, trying to figure out what to say next.

“Did you seriously think I wouldn’t like you back?”

What?

“Did you seriously think I wouldn’t like you back? You just… dropped that and left and expected me to continue living without you? Hyunjin, for someone so amazing at picking up emotional cues from other people you sure can be a dumbass sometimes.”
Hyunjin just stared at Seungmin, unable to move. Seungmin stepped closer, and closer, and soon he was standing right in front of Hyunjin, at the end of their bed in their little room.
“I’m so mad at you, Hyunjin”, Seungmin whispered, tears still tangled to his lashes.
Hyunjin could feel his cheeks flaming.
“I like you too, Hyunjin, have done for a while now. And I’d also like to kiss you about it, too, if that’s alright for you.”

Hyunjin’s heart felt like stopping right at that moment. He just stared at Seungmin, he couldn’t really process what had just happened. Yeah. Okay. Yeah, maybe he should have guessed something by the kiss earlier or something but there were at least a hundred too many things in his mind and now Seungmin was telling him that he liked him back. Seungmin liked Hyunjin back. Seungmin liked Hyunjin. Seungmin wanted to kiss him.

“Yeah, it’s alright for me”, Hyunjin finally managed to choke out. The next thing he knew, Seungmin cupped his face and brought Hyunjin closer, finally pressing his lips against Hyunjin’s. It started as angry, Hyunjin could feel the anger pouring from Seungmin into the kiss and then turn into something else entirely as Hyunjin gave himself into the kiss, eyes fluttering close. Hyunjin’s brain seemed to halt for a moment before he dared to tangle his fingers on the back of Seungmin’s hoodie and answer to the kiss.

He was kissing Seungmin. Seungmin was kissing him. Seungmin was actually, truly kissing Hyunjin and liked him back. Hyunjin’s head was spinning, and he felt like molten lava, Seungmin’s fingers felt featherlike on his skin, pressing against the small wounds of Hyunjin’s face, almost healing them instantly. Seungmin was kissing Hyunjin, and yes, he did smell a little sweaty and grimy after days of searching through the city for Hyunjin and his lips were chapped and rough, but it was still perfect, so so so perfect and Hyunjin wouldn’t have wanted it in any other way.

Hyunjin was the first one to pull back to breathe, and before Seungmin could stop him, he dove into another kiss, he had waited, he had waited for so so long and now it was finally happening and despite Hyunjin being an enormous fucking dumbass, he still liked him! Seungmin liked Hyunjin! Hyunjin felt like he was about to burst off of his seams, all the feelings of fear, shame, guilt, abandonment forgotten as a wave of joy washed over them. Seungmin liked Hyunjin and Hyunjin liked Seungmin so so so much it was too overwhelming to handle!

When they finally parted, Seungmin pressed his forehead against Hyunjin’s, eyes still closed.
“Promise me you’ll never, ever, do anything like that ever again. At least not before consulting me first.”
“I promise”, Hyunjin breathed out. “I promise. And I’m sorry.” It was only now that he realized that he, too, was crying, and had probably been doing that for quite some time now. Hyunjin pulled back, just a little before carefully wiping the tears off of Seungmin’s cheeks. He could feel Seungmin leaning into the touch before he opened his eyes.
“I really thought I was going to lose you”, he whispered.
“I’m sor-“ Before Hyunjin had time to finish his sentence, Seungmin pressed another kiss on his lips. And then another. And then another. And this was all so much, so so much for Hyunjin to handle.

“I, um, we should sleep. I’ll, I’ll go take a shower quickly and… I’ll come back, alright? You should sleep. You haven’t slept”, Seungmin finally mumbled.
“Neither have you”, Hyunjin protested, he didn’t want to let go of Seungmin.
“No, I haven’t, but I’ve also ran around the city for the past three days and I know I smell really bad and I’d like to not sleep next to you for the first night as your boyfriend smelling like garbage.”
“As my boyfriend?” Hyunjin was going to lose his mind right now instantly.
“Yes, as your boyfriend, unless you have other plans.”
Hyunjin could see Seungmin’s ears tinting red.
“Okay, as my boyfriend, yeah, that works, that sounds amazing”, Hyunjin mumbled, very very taken aback and overwhelmed. Seungmin let out the tiniest giggle before kissing Hyunjin once more, holding him tight.

“Now, go to sleep, I’ll get back to you in a few minutes, alright?”
“Alright.”

***

Hyunjin woke up to a sensation he had never felt before. He tried to move, but it took him a minute to understand that something, or rather, someone was holding him down. Then he slowly started to recall what the hell had happened last night and a wave of relief mixed with shame washed over him. He lifted his hands to his face, groaned, rubbed his temples, the something next to him shifted, just a little. Hyunjin opened his eyes and glanced to his left,

and found Seungmin, only a few centimeters from his face. He had his arms around Hyunjin, and Hyunjin was quite certain he was going to burst from joy (and embarrassment). Seungmin looked peaceful while sleeping and he smelled good, too, of course, as if that were news to Hyunjin. Hyunjin had fallen asleep before Seungmin had returned from the shower, he had been sure he wouldn’t be able to sleep through the night but somehow he had fallen asleep instantly as he had pressed his head on his pillow. Must have been the exhaustion from all that fear and running around.

Hyunjin swallowed. He still couldn’t believe… he couldn’t believe he was alive. And back here, in square one. And he’d stay here, in square one, for the rest of his life, and he quickly pushed that thought away because he wasn’t ready to handle that just yet, not this morning, nor any morning anytime soon.

Hyunjin heard talking from downstairs, someone was awake already. Or maybe they were all? Hyunjin had no idea how far in the day was, but by the light streaming in through the window he could tell it wasn’t that early anymore. Mid-day, maybe. And that meant that all of them were probably awake except for Chan and Minho who had been nightguards. Had there been shadows? Hyunjin didn’t know, at least he hadn’t heard the bell ring. Or maybe he had been asleep by then.

Seungmin shifted, mumbled something incoherent in his sleep as he nuzzled a little closer. Hyunjin’s heart nearly gave out at that, he just, he had a very hard time grasping reality right now. Seungmin liked him back. And now they were boyfriends. They were boyfriends, and Seungmin liked him, what were the odds of that? Oh, if only Hyunjin could have told all of this to Hyunjin from a year ago, he wouldn’t have been able to believe all of this! He had a boyfriend, and that boyfriend was Kim Seungmin, who right now had his arms around him, and it was getting a little warm in his embrace under the blanket and Hyunjin felt his stomach growling and he’d have to get up soon but Seungmin was just so goddamn precious!

Thankfully, as Hyunjin shifted a little and brushed a strand of hair away from Seungmin’s face, the boy seemed to wake from his slumber. Hyunjin watched as his eyes fluttered open, as the light red tinted his cheeks when he realized how close he was to Hyunjin.
“O-oh, sorry”, he mumbled and Hyunjin could swear his morning voice dripped honey.
“Morning, sunshine”, Hyunjin muttered, he could call Seungmin sunshine all he wanted now and no one could stop him! And neither could anyone stop him from giving little kisses here and there, so he pressed a tiny peck on Seungmin’s nose, just to see that blush on his cheeks deepen a little. Seungmin’s hold of him tightened, just a little as he leaned to give a proper kiss for Hyunjin.
“Morning”, he mumbled against Hyunjin’s lips and Hyunjin felt like he was going to melt into a puddle.

They stayed there for a few minutes, simply basking in each other’s presences. Then Seungmin finally let go of Hyunjin and Hyunjin found himself immediately missing his touch as he rolled to his side of the bed.
“We should head down. The others are probably waiting for us.”

Chapter Text

Hyunjin had feared the worst for absolutely no reason. When he finally (with Seungmin’s help) managed to get himself downstairs with his injured leg, he was immediately showered with hugs, mainly from Felix, and after that Chan got him a steaming cup of tea, and was nearly forced to sit down on his usual seat around the dining table. The atmosphere wasn’t awkward, it was… easy. Okay, it was awkward, but not as badly as Hyunjin had feared it to be. He had had to compose himself at least thrice before he had had the guts to actually get up and walk downstairs to finally meet the others after the three horrifying nights (which to Hyunjin had been merely an hour or two). The others were being a little careful, sure, but… the atmosphere didn’t feel suffocating.

Seungmin stayed on Hyunjin’s side, he didn’t leave even for one second. All of the others were awake already, their breakfast was a very late one, differing from their usual routine, but then again, everything was out of routine right now. Applesauce seemed to be very bothered by that, instead of sitting on Minho’s lap, she was sleeping on the sofa, clearly mad that she had got her breakfast so late. They talked about this and that, no one brought up last night, even if Hyunjin damn well knew they all were waiting for an apology and an explanation. And they probably wanted to hear… what had happened. What had created the wounds on Hyunjin’s face and the bruise around his neck.

The bruise hurt. A lot. It was a little hard for Hyunjin to swallow down his sandwich, but he was hungry, so he had to. And Seungmin had made the sandwich for him, so… he had no choice, really. Seungmin. He was sitting so close to him. Closer than usually. It made the throb in Hyunjin’s leg feel a little less bad. The day was going to be a hot one, probably, maybe they’d just lounge around in the pool since they had one, except Hyunjin couldn’t do that with his injured leg, so maybe they’d just hang out at the backyard and play some board games or something while Changbin, Felix and Jisung would go fetch crutches for Hyunjin since they didn’t have any at their house. It was all so… easy. They just talked like Hyunjin had injured his leg somewhere that was not the other realm. Like he hadn’t just made them all crazy with worry.

And then, little by little, as Hyunjin finished his breakfast, the conversation started dying down. It was Chan’s eyes on him at first, Hyunjin could feel it, he was sitting opposite to Hyunjin. He kept his eyes on his tea mug, there was still some tea left on the bottom of it. He could feel the knot in the pit of his stomach tightening, now the atmosphere had started to turn pressuring. Hyunjin hated it. Loathed it. And knew there was really any other way out of this except through.

“What happened, Hyunjin?” Chan asked after a moment of silence. He didn’t need to specify, they all knew what he meant. Hyunjin sucked in a breath, lifted his gaze from the mug and looked at the seven of his friends one by one, the gaze he gave Seungmin a little shyer than the other ones.
“I’m sorry”, he muttered, “I really am.”

The others didn’t say anything, not yet. They didn’t look mad. They didn’t look like anything. Not even disappointed. Just neutral. And Hyunjin wasn’t sure if that scared him or not. Some tiny, tiny part of him was still scared that suddenly the other boys’ faces would stretch into that unnatural grin again and then Hyunjin would have to run, but that didn’t happen, and Seungmin took Hyunjin’s hand under the table and squeezed it, in order to encourage Hyunjin to continue.

“I, um”, Hyunjin croaked. He wasn’t sure where to begin. “I was… Well, I realized that… the doors aren’t random, they always lead to the next dimension and that they’re cyclical.” The others nodded, Seungmin had probably told them all of this already. “And I… Well, I thought I could just… run through them. I know, stupid.” Hyunjin let out an awkward laugh as he sat the small quirk on Chan’s eyebrow. Yeah, he definitely thought Hyunjin was being stupid. “And I… I didn’t want to bother you all and I was sure none of you would come along and you would try to stop me so I… I thought it was best for me to leave on my own.”
“Yeah, you sure were right about that one, we would have tried to stop you”, Changbin mumbled into his cup of coffee. Hyunjin could feel his cheeks heating up.
“Yeah… I left right at the breaking of dawn and… searched for a door. And then I found one. I went through. I thought… I thought I would just be able to… run through the dimensions and find the right one and then come get you all or something and… I’m sorry.”

Hyunjin let his gaze fall on the table in front of him again. He chewed the insides of his cheek, he could feel the plaster on the right side of his face being a little loose from the night.
“I saw it”, Jeongin then broke the silence. “I saw you going through the door. I tried calling out to you but… you didn’t hear me.”
Hyunjin shook his head: “I did hear you. I just… it was too late then.”
Seungmin squeezed Hyunjin’s hand again, this time a little stronger than before. Hyunjin glanced at him and saw he had turned his head away, he was… trying to keep the tears in.

“Seungmin was the first one to notice that you were gone”, Chan said, then. Hyunjin turned his attention to him, even if he knew it would make it all so much more horrible.
“We were all at the breakfast table. We hadn’t noticed your note yet as Minho had been the one to gather the breakfast and the fridge is full of Felix’s notes, anyway. Seungmin came running down and tried to search for you and asked us where you were, and we said we thought you were sleeping. Then Seungmin ran into the kitchen and just… ran out of the house after that. Then we found the note, too. And the letter.”
Ah, so everyone knew, and everyone had read the letter. Great.
“Then we… ran after Seungmin. Found him running around the city. Split up. After that Jeongin came to us and told that he had seen you at the marketplace and going through a door, but when he had got to it, it had already been gone.”

Silence. Hyunjin squeezed Seungmin’s hand in turn. He couldn’t even… he had… they had all just… Hyunjin had managed to create so much worry in one morning.
“Seungmin broke down and refused to leave the city. We kept searching for doors. We assumed you’d… try to search for them from the other side to either get back or continue on. That’s how we spent the first day.”
Hyunjin closed his eyes and swallowed. First day. It had been three days for them and barely two hours for Hyunjin.
“Seungmin refused to get back as the night approached. Three of us left back to the house to sleep, four of us stayed the first night. We used your trick. Found a reflective surface to guard, hoped it would turn to a door and you’d be on the other side, and created a salt circle around the place we spent the night at. We slept in turns. Continued searching in the morning.”

They had… stayed in the city? They had stayed on the streets?! Almost horrified, Hyunjin looked at the people around him. They had done all of that… in order to find him? Seungmin still refused to look at Hyunjin. God, Hyunjin had fucked up. He had fucked up so bad.
“I’m sorry”, he breathed out, more to Seungmin than to the others. How- god, he really was stupid! An absolute buffoon! The others had been so worried and put themselves in such dangers in order to find him! But Chan just shook his head and continued:
“The next night three stayed in the city and four of us went back to the house to sleep. We had to nearly drag Seungmin by his arms back to the house. Am not going to say it didn’t feel helpless and absolutely useless, but it did. And then we returned the next day. Same windows, same bus stops, no signs of you. Until last night.”

“It’s still… I still can’t believe it. We thought you would be gone. Or I thought. Sure, I’ve seen people coming back, but… Seungmin never lost hope. I think the rest of us… we did. At some point.”
Hyunjin closed his eyes again, tried to just breathe. They had searched for him for Seungmin, and Seungmin had never lost hope that Hyunjin would find his way back.
“And then, against all odds, Seungmin found you and pulled you through the door. Alive. I’m not sure which one of you has all of the luck in this world.”
Seungmin finally glanced at Hyunjin, tears stuck in his eyelashes. God, Hyunjin had created so much pain with his little run in the other dimension, he couldn’t even fathom it. He hated himself for it, so so much. Hyunjin tore his eyes away from Seungmin, looked at the six others once more, before repeating himself once again:
“I’m sorry.”
This time Minho shook his head:
“Don’t be. You’re here. That’s what matters. Got us really scared and worried. but you’re here. And if you’re going to pull off something like that again, I’m going to let Applesauce claw all of your favorite clothes to pieces.”
That got a few bursts of laughter from them, eased the air a little.

“Okay, enough of this, we were all sad and scared and you were being dumb as hell but that is forgivable if you promise to never do that shit again, what happened to you and what the hell did you encounter?” Changbin decided to take the matters into his own hands as he put his coffee mug on the table and crossed his arms. He wanted to hear what had happened.

So Hyunjin told. Everything. He told them how he had got back, and how everything had been the same. Everything had looked the same, like he was actually back, and he had truly believed that. And now that he thought about it, he could… he remembered the signs. The wicked grin on his neighbor. The little differences here and there. The demolished house. The phone. Then he told about his parents, he told about them even if the words got nearly stuck in his throat, and Seungmin kept holding his hand through it.
“It was all… so normal. And then it wasn’t anymore.” Hyunjin swallowed, voice a little shaky before continuing. “Then the… my parents, they just… had this wicked grin on their faces and I wasn’t sure what was going on and… and then they said that they… we are so easy to deceive. And then it all just started… crumbling and I… realized I wasn’t back home.”

“I asked what they are, and my father, he said that they’re ‘what my stupid little brain is capable of handling’. That they’re gods, shadows, shapeless, the void, far beyond what my soul can make.” The words echoed in his brain with the voice of his father. The shadows had destroyed Hyunjin’s last memories of his parents. And Hyunjin hated them for it.
“And then… And then they attacked me. The… shadow that was trying to be my father. It attacked me. Grabbed me by my throat and slammed me against the wall.” Hyunjin heard Seungmin let out a breath next to him.

“After that it said something about sending me back and I tried asking again what it was, and it said that… they are what we have made.”
“Huh?” Hyunjin could hear the others humming, questioning. He could feel the eyes on him, but kept staring at the mug in front of him, lost in his own memory.
“We are far beyond your understanding. That’s what it said. Complete destruction. Utter isolation. We are the apocalypse, we are the climate change, we are the economic collapse and the virus that spreads and shatters your world. We are everything you have brought upon yourselves. What goes around, comes around. That’s… that’s what it said.”
“What the fuck?” Hyunjin heard Changbin wheeze. He glanced up at the others, all of them were simply staring at him, completely speechless.

“What then?” Seungmin whispered.
“Then it wondered if it should rip my face off. If it should devour me or leave me… leave me in a dark room alone and call out to me with the voices of all people I have lost. And then it told me that I have lost everything.” Hyunjin’s voice got quieter as he continued on. God, he… it was still so vivid. He could feel the claws digging into his face, the grip around his neck. He could hear the thing’s voice in his ears. And he knew he’d never, ever forget it.
“Then it wondered if it should let me go. Go back to where I came from and… it said something that it could tell me how to open the door to the last world, that I could open the door to the last world for them. But… then it said it was hungry and hadn’t eaten in centuries.”

“And then?” Seungmin’s squeeze of Hyunjin’s hand nearly hurt.
“I smacked it with a salt packet.”
“You what?!” Changbin let out a cackle, nearly fell back on his chair. Hyunjin couldn’t help but let out a laugh. It felt so… unreal. He had really just thrown salt on the thing, and it had backed off.
“Then I… ran. The world started to shatter around me, everything was in complete decay compared to this world. It was still the same, though. And there were so many shadows and I just… ran. I ran. I tried to look for the next door. And I ran. And I thought I’d die. And then I had given up. And then Seungmin…” Hyunjin glanced at the boy next to him. “You pulled me back.”

Silence. Even Changbin had quieted down.
“The shadows aren’t what they seem”, Chan then mumbled. “It was the entire world. Yugyeom meant the entire world by that. The shadows, I… he sometimes called the entire world a shadow world, when others called it the mirror world. He always said that we lived in the shadows. I… I didn’t… understand it before. The shadows aren’t what they seem, the world isn’t what is seems.”
“There’s so much to unpack. What the fuck. What’s the last world? And the shadows know how to open the doors? And why didn’t you die when the thing touched you? Are they- what-“
“The last world. The real world. It says so in the books.” Seungmin cut Jeongin off.  “And the shadows can’t get there. Because that would mean destruction. For the entire humanity. It says that, too.”
“What the fuck”, Changbin mumbled, before fetching another cup of coffee.

“I still don’t get how Hyunjin isn’t dead if we die immediately when the shadows touch us”, Jisung said.
“Maybe there’s… different kinds of those creatures?” Minho answered him.
“Yugyeom wasn’t dead, either. He just looked horrible, but he spent more time there than Hyunjin. And… died immediately when he got back.”
“There were those shadows we have, too… so maybe there are… different kinds of those creatures”, Hyunjin said, still recalling how he ran from them, kept dodging them through the broken-down streets.

“What are they? Something beyond our souls can make, yet appear in forms that our brain can handle? Something… far bigger than us?” Felix wondered aloud, he had a crease in between his brows as leaned against the backrest of his chair, crossing his arms on his chest. Hyunjin shook his head, he had no idea. Absolutely no idea. The Circle was beyond comprehension, so were those things the Circle was trying to protect the last world from.

“Fear”, Seungmin then breathed out. “They’re fear.”
“What do you mean?” Chan asked. Seungmin was lost in his thoughts, Hyunjin could see that. He could nearly see how he connected the dots in his mind, made up the theory.
“They’re fear. Complete destruction, utter isolation, apocalypse, climate change, economic collapse, virus. They’re things that people fear, but they’re things that are beyond our understanding to a certain point. Viruses, apocalypse, the things they mentioned, they’re huge. They’re things that can put the entire world on its knees, and they’re too big to handle once set properly in motion. Avoidable, probably yes, but once they get control, it’s over. The thing said that they’re what we have made. What goes around, comes around. They’re things that humanity is afraid of as a whole, they’re… created of the energy we put out. What goes around, comes around. And if those things get around, they will latch on to the humanity and squeeze the breath out of it by using what they have. Fear.”

“And in here… our goal here is to survive, since this place isn’t the real world. And when your goal is to survive, what’s your worst fear? Death. Not surviving. And when Hyunjin… when the thing was talking to Hyunjin, it said something about throwing him into a dark room and calling to him with the voices of whom he has lost. Hyunjin fears abandonment, but I… I think that you’re even more afraid of losing, losing people and your past life, and that’s why the last… months have been hell for you. The shadows are physical manifestations of fear.” Seungmin finally finished as he looked at Hyunjin, and something, something inside Hyunjin seemed to settle. An answer. They had an answer. Or at least a theory.

“What the fuck.” Jisung mumbled under his breath. All of them were stunned into silence.
“The shadows are correct, this is too big for us to handle”, Minho then said, and the rest of them agreed.
“I’d say teatime, but we just ate. What the fuck”, Jeongin wheezed out and got a side-eye from Chan for cursing.

The shadows were created of fear, and they couldn’t let them get into the last world. That’s why they would never be able to open the doors back to the real world even if they would find a way. They had to… protect the entire humankind, they all realized that. The shadows weren’t strong in their realm, no, but if Hyunjin’s theory was correct, the closer they were to the real world, the stronger they were as they were products of the society. So… the other way was blocked, too. If the things Hyunjin had already encountered in the next realm over were that horrifying, what would wait for him in the one after that? And the one after that? They didn’t even know how many dimensions were in between the real world and their realm. But why didn’t the shadows just go the other way around? What goes around, comes around. Maybe they couldn’t. Maybe… no. Too much. Too much to handle.

There was no way back. They couldn’t open the doors. They couldn’t go the other way. Hyunjin had no way back, he would spend the rest of his life in this mirror realm. Shadow realm. He’d live the rest of his life in the shadows. And he would have to adjust to that, because there was really no way back. And now they all knew that for sure. Hyunjin closed his eyes, breathed for a moment. They all sat there, in silence, taking in the information that had just been displayed to them.

“So, how are we going to continue from now on?” Jisung asked quietly. Hyunjin opened his eyes, Seungmin still held his hand. All of them eyed Chan.
“Same as before. I don’t think there’s anything we can do. All of those shadow things… they’re too big for us. I don’t think it’s wise to start messing with them.” Chan then glanced at Hyunjin, held his gaze for a moment: “Or the doors. Since going through them always ends up with more shadows getting into this world from the next one. Who knows, one day those more powerful creatures might come true. Unless they already have.”

No way back. Hyunjin was stuck in this realm. And he’d have to start accepting that.

Chan leaned forwards and took Hyunjin’s other hand in his, clearly surprising everyone around the table along with Hyunjin.
“Hyunjin. I’m sorry.”
“I- for what?”
“For not… understanding. I… I’m sorry we haven’t been able to… make you feel like you’re welcome with us. Seungmin told us you have had some difficulties with adjusting and that you have felt like an outcast at times and… I’m sorry. That has never been our intention. Or mine. I… we really adore you, you know? You have brought such joy to us ever since you fell here and… I’m sorry we haven’t been able to convey that properly.”

Hyunjin felt his cheeks flush in a somewhat mixed reaction of embarrassment, awkwardness and relieving happiness. He also felt like crying, and had to hold himself back very hard. The look in Chan’s eyes was sincere, the others nodded along with him, mumbled little sorrys here and there, even if they really didn’t need to. They had done nothing wrong. Hyunjin shook his head, but squeezed Chan’s hand, anyway.
“I… you have done nothing wrong, I just… I have a really hard time with change and… new people in general and it’s, it’s not your fault. At all. I’m sorry for leaving you all behind and leaving and thinking that you all didn’t like me or something and. I don’t know.”
“You are forgiven.” Chan squeezed Hyunjin’s hand in turn.
“So are you”, Hyunjin hiccupped, he knew the tears brimming in his eyes were very visible to absolutely everyone seated around the table. Except Minho. But he could hear the tears from Hyunjin’s voice, anyway.

“Can we just… do a really tight group hug? And promise each other to never repeat the past three days? Or leave anyone behind, ever?” Felix muttered from the side, and as an answer he got a few agreeing murmurs, and the next thing Hyunjin knew was that he was being engulfed by the warmest and tightest hug he had ever experienced.

***

“Hey”, Hyunjin heard Seungmin breathe out as he stepped outside. The evening was fast approaching, Hyunjin could see a few fairy-bees flying around their backyard. He was sitting at the back porch instead of the front one as Jeongin was getting ready for his shift as the night guard. The crutches Changbin had fetched for Hyunjin with Jisung and Felix were leaning against the sofa, Hyunjin himself was wrapped up in blankets and engulfed in between the soft pillows. He didn’t feel like moving. He was tired, still overwhelmed, the others were heading for sleep already as the last three days had really tired them out, but Hyunjin knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep anytime soon. And he needed some time… alone. Or perhaps not alone.

“Hey”, he mumbled as Seungmin sat next to him, close, stopped for a tiny moment as he hesitated just slightly, and then scooted a little closer. It made Hyunjin’s heart jump, just a little. Yes, they had spent the day together, they had taken a nap together and all that, but they hadn’t been really spending time… alone. After everything. So Hyunjin, now that both of them actually knew about each other’s feelings and there was nothing to stop him, moved the blanket and wrapped it around Seungmin’s shoulders as well. The evening wasn’t even cold. Hyunjin just wanted to feel safe and secure under the blanket Jeongin had apparently made.

They sat there for a moment as the evening deepened around them. The sun had set but the sky was still colored with hues of pink and violet. The first stars were slowly lighting up in the night sky and the moon had risen above the horizon. The forest was alive, and it felt peaceful. Hyunjin felt peaceful. Something in him… the storm in him had settled.

Only to be replaced with grief so deep he had no idea how to handle it.

“How are you feeling?” Seungmin asked, quietly, as if to not break the silence around them. Hyunjin shrugged.
“I don’t know what I should be feeling”, he mumbled, quietly. Sure, there were roughly a thousand things in his mind, but none of them was as strong as the feeling of having to let go. Hyunjin knew that there’s no way back. He knew it now. And in a way that felt like his entire past life, all of the people in it, had died. When in reality, it was the other way around. Hyunjin was the dead one. And at the same time, he wasn’t.

“Do you think they still remember me?” Hyunjin asked, quietly. Part of him knew the answer already.
“It’s been quite a lot of time” was the only thing Seungmin said at first. He was searching for words, Hyunjin was quite certain of that. “If… If the process of forgetting is the same as with me… then they probably don’t. We have been here together much much longer than… I was here alone. The world, except for you, had forgot about me in three weeks. You have been here for… I don’t know. Feels like two or three months or something. I stopped counting a long time ago.”

Hyunjin closed his eyes, he could feel the tears pricking as he took in a shuddering breath. The knot in his throat tightened so much it hurt. It hurt. It hurt hearing those words. His family, his friends, all of them, they had buried him a long time ago, they had forgot about him a long time ago. Hyunjin didn’t exist to them, but they existed to him. And they would always exist to him.

Seungmin took Hyunjin’s hand and squeezed as the first sob tore from Hyunjin’s throat. Hyunjin pressed his head on Seungmin’s shoulder, let the tears take control of him. They had forgot. There was no way back. There was no way back to their world, there was no way back to the last world without putting everyone, every single person in that realm, in an enormous danger. So there was no way back, because Hyunjin and his friends were only human, who didn’t even have a complete grasp of everything that was going around them. They were tiny. They were just people. And there was no way back.

“I’m sorry, Hyunjin”, Seungmin whispered as he wrapped his arm around Hyunjin, pulling him closer. Hyunjin could feel a kiss being planted on his forehead and a teardrop being swiped away before Seungmin shifted a little and took his hand again. Seungmin let Hyunjin cry on his shoulder in silence, and they sat there, together, as the velvety night engulfed them. Hyunjin grieved. He grieved for his parents, for his friends, all of the people who he would never see again, never meet again. They were all dead, as Hyunjin was to them. And they didn’t even remember him. They didn’t remember him ever existing, his parents never had a son, Younghoon never had Hyunjin as his best friend, their basketball team never had him as one of their star players. Hyunjin had lost them, all of them.

But they didn’t remember him, so they would never grieve for him. Or maybe they had grieved him, for a little while, and then they had forgot about him. It was easier for them, wasn’t it? That’s what Seungmin had said. They would only feel the pain for a short while, Hyunjin would feel it for the rest of his life, but it was for the better, no? The others wouldn’t need to hurt, only Hyunjin would. And he wouldn’t have to do it alone. He had the others, they had all been through the same thing, he had Seungmin. Even if it was surreal. But he’d just have to believe that. He had promised the others to believe that he wasn’t alone, he’d never be alone, as long as he wouldn’t start pushing them away again.

“How long is it going to hurt?” Hyunjin whimpered. Seungmin kept petting his back, drawing little patterns against his shirt to reassure he was there, to let Hyunjin know he was there with him.
“Forever. A few days. It won’t hurt this much forever, but the pain will always be with you. It will just… change. Turn to a dull ache that you can push away. It will engulf you in the darkest hour, but leave as the sun rises above the horizon. You just need to… accept it. Greet it like an old friend, since it’s something that will remind you that you are still alive. It will remind you of your past, it will remind you of who you are and how you have got here. It’s not… it’s not something to be afraid of. It will hurt. But it will pass.”

Hyunjin clutched the blanket in his hands as he shuddered and buried his head on Seungmin’s shoulder. Seungmin’s words hurt. They did. Yet somehow, they were also relieving. Hyunjin wasn’t alone and it wasn’t going to hurt this bad forever. A brighter day was possible, but right now, everything felt horrible, Hyunjin missed his family, his friends, his life so, so much and he’d never be able to get it back. And he would have to accept it. There was no going back, there was no way back, and that was it. Hyunjin’s life was here now. Not in the last world. It was in here, with these seven people and their cat. It was here, with Seungmin, even if Hyunjin had a hard time accepting and understanding that.

And as the stars in the night sky brightened up and the moon continued its travel across the deep blue, Hyunjin’s sobs eased down, little by little. Soon he had no more tears in him, he felt exhausted, beyond tired, but he didn’t want to go to sleep yet. He didn’t want to move, he didn’t want to leave the moment, he didn’t want to leave Seungmin’s arms. Seungmin kept stroking his back and holding his hand in silence as Hyunjin tried to take a few deep breaths to calm himself. He could feel that Seungmin’s shirt had got wet from Hyunjin’s tears, and for a brief moment Hyunjin felt embarrassed, but then Seungmin pressed a small peck lightly above his ear, and he didn’t feel all that embarrassed anymore.

“Sorry”, Hyunjin finally mumbled as he lifted his head from Seungmin’s shoulder. He could feel how swollen his eyes were, but Seungmin only looked at him with fondness in his eyes as he let go of his hand and instead swiped the few remaining teardrops away from Hyunjin’s cheeks. Then he held his cheek gently, and pressed a tiny kiss on Hyunjin’s forehead, and perhaps that was still so odd and Hyunjin felt a little overwhelmed since his brain wasn’t sure if it was supposed to feel joy or grief or what, but he leaned into the touch, still, grateful that he didn’t need to be alone at this moment. Grateful that he had Seungmin. Even if he had thought otherwise for a moment.
“You don’t have anything to be sorry of”, Seungmin whispered before pressing a chaste kiss on his lips. Hyunjin melted a little, he did, it felt like Seungmin’s presence alone was chasing all of the excruciating pain away. At least some of it.

Hyunjin snuggled a little closer to Seungmin as they parted, pressed his head against his shoulder.
“Do you want to go to sleep?” Seungmin asked, quietly.
“Not yet”, Hyunjin muttered. He didn’t want to go to sleep. He just wanted to stay there, on the back porch, engulfed in blankets with Seungmin. A few deer poked their heads through the woods, took a few steps to the yard before they stopped to stare at the two. Then they clearly decided Seungmin and Hyunjin weren’t dangerous, as a few of them continued to search for anything to eat from their yard.

“Why do you think… all of this happens? Why do you think we die when we enter this realm?” Hyunjin asked. He knew Seungmin wouldn’t have a definite answer.
“I don’t know. Maybe it’s the Circle people, maybe they have made it that way… Maybe it’s just… I don’t know. It’s just like that for some reason. Maybe it prevents the people in the last world from finding out about the other realms so that they won’t start looking and accidentally open the doors and… destroy the last world in the process.”
“Why do they call it the last world?”
“Because it’s the… last world the shadows haven’t infiltrated. Who knows, maybe the other realms were once like the last world, too. Full of life. And then the shadows came.”
“Do you think the people from the Circle are still alive? That they live in the last world?”
“Maybe. It wouldn’t be surprising. It’s a vast world, sure there is enough space for a network that tries to keep the world from falling apart.”
Scary. Too big to handle. Hyunjin didn’t want to think about it anymore, so he decided to be quiet and stare into the woods. And enjoy Seungmin’s calmness beside him.

There they sat, just the two of them. It was still… odd. New. Very new. Hyunjin could feel the little hesitation, the small shyness every time Seungmin took his hand, and he knew he himself was no better. Seungmin liked him back. That was still… wow. Hyunjin didn’t even know how to describe it. He had been so sure Seungmin didn’t like him back since he just… Hyunjin had thought he wasn’t even his type or something. He didn’t even know. But Seungmin liked him, actually, truly liked him, even if he was a huge dumbass sometimes. And that only ignited more questions in Hyunjin’s mind.

“When did you… when did you realize you liked me?” Hyunjin asked, very shyly. Seungmin let out a small laugh, and that little laugh made Hyunjin’s heart jump a little. Joy poked through the mass of grief, spread warmth inside of Hyunjin.
“I don’t… I don’t really even know. I mean… I’ve always sort of admired you from afar, you were always so cool and surrounded by cool people and… But I guess it was more because of your skills and all that and not because you were cool. Still are. And I… have a hard time getting crushes on people I don’t really know so… I guess I realized it the night when we were talking about love. The night when all of us sat on the porch and drank all that wine. That’s when I first realized it, because I felt… well, quite jealous since you told that you had a crush on someone. But I just decided to push it aside and forget about it since I knew it wasn’t going to work and I knew you’d feel awkward if I had told you and… well, I guess I tried to forget about it and then I got your letter.”
Oh no.
“And then I realized it again and it was… a lot stronger. I don’t really know how to describe it. I just realized what had slipped through my fingers and… yeah.”
Oh no… Now Hyunjin felt bad.
“And don’t say sorry.”
Well, then he wouldn’t say sorry.

“I thought you didn’t like me so I… I never said anything. I should have”, Hyunjin muttered, glanced up at Seungmin who was still looking at the deer at the edge of the yard.
“Yeah I… tried to downplay it. I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable so I… tried to not show that I liked you more than as a friend.” Seungmin let out a sort of sad laugh. “I guess I shouldn’t have done that… I just had no idea that you liked me.”
“How the hell did you have no idea that I liked you? Everyone else sure did.” Hyunjin lifted his head from Seungmin’s shoulder to take a better look at him. He was appalled. Seungmin let out another laugh, a little sad, and Hyunjin didn’t like the sound of that:
“I guess it’s just…  I don’t really know how people act when they like someone. I mean, I haven’t had any experience in that, and I was so certain I would never do, so I didn’t… think much of how you acted. I just thought you liked my company and that you didn’t really have anyone else to lean on.”
“Yeah, well, I do like your company, you’re right about that”, Hyunjin mumbled before leaning forwards and planting a kiss on Seungmin’s cheek. He could do that. He was allowed to do that.

“We can be really stupid, can’t we?” A small smile stretched on Seungmin’s lips before he kissed Hyunjin on the lips in turn.
“When did you start liking me, then?” He asked. Hyunjin could feel his cheeks heating up, he felt shy all of a sudden.
“In high school. When we did our first project together. Since then.”
He watched as Seungmin’s eyes widened in surprise: “But that was years ago!”
“Yeah.”
“But I was so annoying back then…”
“No, you weren’t. You were smart. And patient with me. And you didn’t make me feel like a burden.” Hyunjin wanted to look anywhere else because of his own shyness but kept his eyes on Seungmin. He wanted Seungmin to know how important he was to him. Seungmin didn’t say anything, but Hyunjin could see the glimmer in his eyes.

“I just… This is all so odd to me”, the boy mumbled.
“It is. We are in this mirror realm with shadows that are trying to kill us and there are odd creatures everywhere and my crush of many years actually likes me back”, Hyunjin said and got a spark of laughter as an answer. It was odd. Surreal. And then Seungmin’s lips were on his again and Hyunjin closed his eyes, melted against the touch. He let Seungmin’s warmth embrace him, ground himself to the moment. God, he really liked Seungmin, really, really, really liked him. So he just had to say it out loud before he would burst:
“I like you”, he whispered against Seungmin’s lips and felt the hold around him tighten a little, “I really, really like you.”
Seungmin pressed one more kiss on Hyunjin’s lips before answering to him: “I like you too. I really, really, really like you too.”

Chapter Text

It was odd at first, Hyunjin had to admit that. It took him a moment, several days, to process, in fact. Not the entire thing he had encountered in the next realm, no, but Seungmin. That Seungmin actually, truly, liked him back. That Seungmin, always so smart and kind and wise and calm and collected, liked Hyunjin and his dumbassery. That was odd. And weird. And so so so lovely, that it almost made Hyunjin burst every morning when he woke up with Seungmin’s arms wrapped around him. And every time he got a kiss. And a hug. The kisses were the best part, for sure, Hyunjin couldn’t get enough of them! He just couldn’t get enough of Seungmin’s soft lips, and how within days he had developed a habit of tugging Hyunjin close from the front of his shirt whenever he wanted kisses. Because Seungmin wanted a lot of them. More than Hyunjin, probably. And Hyunjin was more than happy to oblige.

It was also a little awkward. A little fumbling and tumbling and asking permission to hold hands until Seungmin kissed Hyunjin and told him he would not have to ask permission every time to hold his hand, he could just do so when he wanted and that was nice. More than nice. They were also a little shy at first, both still… learning. Learning what it felt like to be together with someone else. And how did it even work. Thankfully, they were so ‘in sync’, as Changbin said – sometimes a look was enough for Hyunjin to understand that Seungmin wanted to go to sleep early and he wanted to do it with Hyunjin. Hyunjin hadn’t known being in love with someone would give him the power of mind reading, but now he knew different. And gods, was it lovely!

Otherwise, the following week felt like some sort of a dream. A haze. One moment Hyunjin was on top of the world, then he broke down crying on the kitchen floor as he was trying to make him and his friends some dinner. Then he felt alright again, and then, as night fell upon their little cottage, he was once again crying in Seungmin’s arms. Grieving. Feeling the pain of losing. Losing his family, his friends, his past life. It hurt. Gods, did it hurt. It hurt a lot. And at some point, Hyunjin wasn’t sure, if he was grieving for the loss of his own family, or his own death. That’s what it felt like, like he had died and… lost everything. Maybe he had. In fact, that was exactly what he had done, he just… wasn’t dead. Not in the actual sense of the word.

But he had Seungmin, and Seungmin stayed with him awake during the nights, held him close and let him cry. That’s what Hyunjin needed, there was no other way to get rid of the heavy grief than go through it. Feel it. One day, as Hyunjin’s foot got better and he could finally walk with it somewhat fine, Hyunjin and Seungmin visited Hyunjin’s home, Hyunjin picked up a few things, a few other photo albums, some clothes, a few things that reminded him of his childhood along with his favorite plushies. He picked up memories. He wanted to remember, he didn’t want to forget, even if… even if everyone else probably already had.

Then they visited the university, walked around the city hand in hand and Hyunjin wished it would have been the actual city, that he could have walked hand in hand with Seungmin in their actual hometown and show everyone, hey, look at my boyfriend, isn’t he amazing? But he couldn’t do that. Now he had only the six of their friends. And maybe that wasn’t so bad as the days started once again passing around them.

And they visited the graveyard. If everything had been absurd before, then it was nothing compared to seeing Hyunjin’s own name engraved in a headstone. Rest in peace, Hwang Hyunjin, his birthdate and date of death. May twelfth. Seungmin’s headstone was a few graves over, they weren’t next to each other. Both of the graves were covered with moss, as if they had stood in their places for years. It was so absurd. Hyunjin’s parents had buried him when they had still remembered him. Maybe Hyunjin had been the talk of the town for a while, too. Maybe he had had news articles written about him, too.

They had left the graveyard in a shared silence, holding hands. They didn’t need to say anything, it just… it hurt. Both of them were hurting, but they weren’t hurting alone. While walking back, they saw at least fifteen little mushrooms walking over the trail leading to their house. The both of them just stopped, let the little mushrooms and their tiny feet pass over the trail, and then continued walking. Small mushrooms with feet. Chan called them gods, as he did every creature. And perhaps it made a little sense to Hyunjin, gods didn’t need to be something huge and decide your entire fate, maybe gods were something tiny. Maybe they were everywhere, like Chan thought. It made sense. Nothing else in their realm really did.

Except Seungmin and his warm hugs. The others got used to them quickly. Hell, as if Seungmin and Hyunjin acted any differently now, the only difference was that Jeongin had to pry Seungmin away from Hyunjin as they had to walk to the cliff to pick some new flowers for their herbarium and Hyunjin had promised Changbin he’d help him with chopping firewood. Nothing else changed. They could just… hold hands in front of the others without Changbin smirking at Hyunjin constantly. Or, well, the teasing didn’t stop, it just changed a little to similar sort of snarky remarks Minho and Chan already got from being way too occupied with each other to listen to the others around them. Hyunjin didn’t mind it. At all. He could take a little teasing if that meant seeing the little blush on Seungmin’s ears.

And little by little, as time passed, the days got better. Easier. One morning, as Hyunjin was gathering their breakfast to the table, he realized that he was letting go. He was letting go of the past. He was letting go of the bitterness of having dropped into this shadow realm with no return. He was letting go of the grief, of the fact that he’d never see his parents again. It was getting easier. It was easier to breathe. And perhaps that made Hyunjin relieved. It didn’t make him anxious, it didn’t make him feel guilty, he had done all he could have done and nearly lost his own life while doing so, there was nothing he could feel guilty of. He had to let go. And he was letting go. This time for real.

“What are you thinking about?” Hyunjin felt gentle arms wrapping around his waist from the back. Hyunjin sighed as he pressed his head against Seungmin’s shoulder, smiling as he felt the peck on his cheek.
“About how it’s getting easier.”
“What is?” Seungmin’s voice was still a little croaky, laced with sweetness of the morning. Hyunjin loved it, it made his insides turn and toes curl.
“Living.”
“I’m glad to hear that”, and then Hyunjin turned in Seungmin’s arms, completely abandoning the bread he had just been slicing (Felix had picked up baking recently) and pressed a ‘good morning’-kiss on Seungmin’s lips. He couldn’t get enough. He would never get enough of this. Seungmin had started to wake up early, just for Hyunjin and their little moments together alone in the kitchen and gods, it was so… It was just so! Hyunjin didn’t have a word for it, but it made him so incredibly glad, almost bursting with joy!

“I’m coming in the kitchen, please stop kissing for a moment, I just want to feed our cat!” Minho called out just as he stepped into the kitchen, and Hyunjin had to peck the pout off of Seungmin’s face as he stepped away.
“Morning to you, too”, Seungmin muttered as Minho opened the cabinet where they stored the cat food. Applesauce was already waiting, impatiently circling her empty bowl of food.
“Morning. Did you hear about our plans for today?” Minho said as he searched for the cat food bowl with his foot before bending over and pouring some meat jelly for Applesauce (the felly looked and smelled disgusting, but Applesauce loved it).
“No?” Hyunjin turned back to the bread and started slicing it again.
“We’re going to visit the lake. Do a little picnic and swim and stuff like that, it’s been hot as hell recently and the water in the lake is colder than the water in our pool.”
“Sounds amazing! When are we leaving?” Hyunjin felt excited, he hadn’t swum in the lake by the city in ages! Not once while being here, at least.
“A little before lunch, maybe? I don’t know. Is breakfast ready yet?”
“Almost finished.”
“Good, I’ll go wake Chan up.”

***

“Everyone, we need to talk”, Chan announced as he entered through the door to the back porch. Hyunjin was sitting on the ground in between Seungmin’s legs as the boy was braiding his still a little damp hair.
“About what?” Felix mumbled. They were all sitting at the back porch, they had spent once again their day in the pool as the heat of the forever summer was getting too unbearable, so unbearable they hadn’t even had the energy to walk over to the lake as for the five days prior.
“About books. And our future.”
Oh.

They had all sort of… forgot about the books. Or not forgot, sometimes Seungmin still scrolled through the one about the doors, but didn’t find anything too important, nothing that would explain the world they were in any further. Otherwise the books had just been left on the table next to their fireplace to collect dust, they felt too big, they contained too many secrets beyond their understanding and that’s why they all had silently agreed to steer clear from them. And they hurt. At least they hurt Hyunjin, because he knew that those pages probably contained answers that he wanted but would never get because he wasn’t a part of the Circle and couldn’t understand the books properly.

Chan sat on the last spot available in between Minho and Jeongin.
“We aren’t leaving anywhere! At least not before I get everything out of my vegetable garden! Or the apples are ready!” Felix hurried to say, glancing at the eldest a bit scared of what was to come. Chan simply let out a laugh:
“We aren’t going anywhere, don’t worry.”
Felix relaxed and slumped against the backrest of the sofa. The sun was setting, painting the sky light pink. It would be night soon, and Hyunjin’s turn as the guard.
“I’ve been thinking about the books. Or rather, the safety of them. And what Hyunjin went through in the next realm over”, Chan said and eyed the seven of them. Hyunjin swallowed.
“What about them?” Seungmin asked as he thread his fingers through Hyunjin’s hair, tying it into a perfect braid. Hyunjin loved it. He really did.
“What are we going to do with them?”

That was a great question.
“Can’t we just leave them in there?” Jeongin asked, finally lifting his head from the game he had been focusing on with his handheld console.
“We could”, Chan said, but he was clearly thinking about something else.
“It could be dangerous”, Seungmin then muttered, and Chan nodded.
“How?” Hyunjin asked, he really didn’t understand how a bunch of books could be dangerous.
“What if someone else finds them? And manages to open the doors to the last world and let the shadows in there? I mean, even if we couldn’t decipher a way, someone could. Maybe they would try out the other books. Or be smarter than us.” As if anyone could be smarter than Seungmin.
“That’s exactly what I’ve been thinking”, Chan mumbled, agreeing with Seungmin. “We could finish what someone started ages ago.” The burnt parts. Someone had tried to stop them already.

“But that could also erase some important knowledge. And maybe there are more books. I mean, I doubt the close by university is the only place with them in the whole vast world”, Changbin said in turn.
“There probably are. At least in that one book, there were places marked with the Circle’s logo, one of them being the city close by. There are more… bases. Or something.” Jisung and Felix had been the ones to examine the maps, so naturally Jisung had figured out there were more secret rooms.
“Or there could be something else in them. Should we try to find out?” Jeongin sounded already excited. Hyunjin wasn’t sure if he wanted anything to do with the doors or the Circle anymore.
“Not today, not tomorrow, don’t get too excited. Let’s just take care of the one close to us for now”, Chan reached out to ruffle Jeongin’s hair, the other let out a loud squeak as he tried to get away.

“Maybe we could keep the four books that we have. And destroy the rest. That way we would still have the four at hand, but no one else would have access to the books and therefore wouldn’t be able to open the doors”, Seungmin said as he tied a hair tie in Hyunjin’s hair, finishing the braid.
“Burning books? Kim Seungmin, who are you? What have you become?” Hyunjin muttered and got a squeeze on his shoulders.
“That could be smart. It’s just… there’s always going to be more people coming in here, we just don’t know where and when and stuff like that. If they get to the books… that could be dangerous. Not just for us but… for the entire world.”
Chan was right. Those books contained too many secrets, too big for small humans like them.
“And if the people don’t know about the doors, they won’t get stupid ideas like Hyunjin.” Hyunjin could feel the blush on his cheeks by Changbin’s remark. He also knew Seungmin gave him a death glare behind his back by the way Changbin’s smirk quickly washed off of his face.
“Let’s burn them, then. Finish what the Circle ages ago started”, Minho said, brows a little furrowed as he was weighing their options.
“Everyone alright with that?” Chan asked, glanced at their little group again.
“You’re the smart ones”, Jeongin mumbled, the rest of them agreed, Hyunjin simply nodded.

And three days after that, a huge bonfire was set ablaze in the parking lot of the university and the boys hauled all of the books from the library’s secret room outside. It had rained for two days straight, so they weren’t too scared of setting the bonfire and the fire getting loose. And they had gathered pretty much every single fire extinguisher they had found from the city in case the fire would get too big or out of control. Which it didn’t, because Seungmin was smart enough to surround the bonfire with stones.

And there they burned. The books. In a high, hot fire. Hyunjin watched as the flame licked the pages, burnt them and sent them flying in the air in ashes. There was something… entrancing in it. It was nearly spellbinding, staring at the fire. And Seungmin clearly thought so, too, as he couldn’t tear his gaze away from the fire, and for a moment Hyunjin simply admired the flame dancing in his eyes.
“It’s almost romantic, isn’t it? Burning books that seal your fate of never getting back to the real world with your soulmate”, Seungmin then mumbled.
“Sure is”, Hyunjin let out a soft laugh, and perhaps his heart jumped a little at Seungmin calling him soulmate. He felt Seungmin’s knuckles brush against his own, so he entwined their hands together, held the other boy close.
“Is this the part where we should kiss as the world around us collapses? That’s what they do in the movies.”
Hyunjin heard Seungmin let out a laugh before he captured Hyunjin’s lips with his own. It was the sweetest, one of the gentlest kisses Hyunjin had ever felt in his life, and it left him a little breathless, it left him with his head spinning as with his free hand he held on to the front of Seungmin’s hoodie.

“Insufferable”, Hyunjin heard Changbin cough from the side, and as he finally parted from Seungmin, he stuck his tongue out at the other boy, who simply rolled his eyes, laughter in the quirk of his mouth as he threw the last books in the fire. Evening was rolling in; they would have to get going soon as the sun had started to set a while ago.

And then something caught Hyunjin’s attention. Or not his only, the others’ as well. They heard a bark from somewhere near them, it echoed in the quiet of the afternoon.
“What the hell?”
“Was that a dog?” Hyunjin almost shrieked as he looked around. Then the bark sounded again, it came from the city, a few blocks over. Before no one had time to stop Hyunjin, he sprinted to run towards the voice.

And found the dog, from two blocks over. It had got caught from its leash on a grate.
“Hello, oh my, hi”, Hyunjin mumbled as he gently squatted down next to the dog, who greeted him with a whole lot of whines and wagging of its tail. Hyunjin first offered his hand to the dog to sniff before gently petting its back. It wasn’t a big dog, perhaps some sort of a mixed terrier as the breed wasn’t familiar to Hyunjin. It was lapdog size, mostly white, but it had black and brown spots on it. Hyunjin heard steps from behind him, and soon Chan circled the block with Seungmin. Hyunjin could see how Chan’s face lit up.

“That’s a. Oh my”, the boy wheezed as he, too, squatted down next to the dog, clearly exhilarated by the sight. Seungmin helped Hyunjin get the leash out of the grate and free the dog.
“My goodness, how did you get here? Are you alright? Are you hurt?” Chan talked to the dog, trying to check on it as it jumped right onto his lap when it finally got free.
“Can we keep it?” Hyunjin blurted out the question immediately as the dog moved from Chan to his lap to beg for more scratches.
“Do we have a choice?” Chan’s eyes were shining, Hyunjin clearly wasn’t the only one out of the bunch who was fond of dogs. They heard steps and soon the rest of them came to view, Seungmin got a bit worried about the fire until Jisung told him they had put it out as the last of the books were already burnt.
“I mean, there aren’t dogs in this realm. It has clearly accidentally come through a door, the same way Applesauce did. And now it can’t get back and we’re the only ones here and yeah”, Chan mumbled, trying to hold on to the dog. The dog greeted the others as well, yipping and yapping and whining and tail wagging and Minho looked a little terrified at first, until Chan took the dog in his arms and guided Minho to lightly pet the dog from a safe distance.
“Then we have to keep it! We can’t leave it here!” Hyunjin felt like bursting from the inside.
“What’s its name?” Felix asked as he, too, got an armful of the dog who immediately tried to lick his face. Jisung did a little inspection:
“She doesn’t have a name. No tag on her collar.”
“Blueberry Jam”, Minho muttered. “Fits with Applesauce.”
“Okay, we’ll call her Blueberry Jam. Or perhaps just Blue for short.”

***

Blueberry Jam and Applesauce got along well. Hyunjin had feared for the worst, but after getting used to each other a while, they became friends. Or well, sometimes Blue got a little too rowdy with her shenanigans and Applesauce had to run away from her on top of the bookshelves, but otherwise they got along just fine. Now there were eight people, a cat and a dog occupying their little cottage, and maybe that wasn’t bad. Maybe it was anything but bad. It was joyful. Hyunjin felt like bursting every time Blue came to wake him up in the morning as Hyunjin was usually the one going for morning walks with her (sometimes he even dragged still groggy Seungmin along). Now he had a boyfriend and a dog and a bunch of friends who sometimes understood Hyunjin better than he himself did and they lived in a cottage in the woods and sometimes the surroundings got dangerous, but mostly it was just… quiet life. And maybe it wasn’t so bad. Maybe it really wasn’t so bad.

Their forever summer continued, one week they collected all the apples from the trees outside, the next week Felix dragged them all out to the woods to pick some more berries. And then there was an entire jam factory in their house as all of the apples and berries had to be stored for the winter. And then they baked. A lot. Hyunjin figured out he was pretty good at making pies and especially little drawings on the dough covers of the pies. And then Jisung and Felix got married. Not in the literal meaning of the word, no, but one day they returned from the city with silvery rings around their fingers and announced that they were married now.

Hyunjin still missed his old life, he did, but the hurt had subdued and turned into this nostalgia and longing that was bearable. Jeongin and Changbin had insisted Hyunjin would teach them some basketball, so he did, and now he had people to drag with him to the university grounds to throw some hoops all day long. Seungmin came along, too, even if he was completely hopeless with the ball (and maybe it was really cute).

And occasionally the sight of Seungmin with the basketball (or well, the sight of him anywhere, at any time, really) filled Hyunjin with so many overwhelming emotions that it was a little hard to handle. Seungmin had really saved him. In more ways than one, in the actual meaning of the word and figuratively, too. Hyunjin just couldn’t help but stare, a stupid, that fool-in-love sheepy smile on his face as Seungmin tried to throw the ball in the hoop, missing by a landslide, and when he turned around and noticed Hyunjin staring, a hue of red dusted over the tips of his ears, and it was so so so adorable that Hyunjin just had to run over to his boyfriend kiss him silly. And the others simply had to endure that because Hyunjin had so much love in him that he just couldn’t contain it anymore.

Unfortunately for Hyunjin, and all of them, the forever summer they had didn’t last forever. With a snap of fingers, the autumn began, suddenly, within a week the leaves in the trees turned to different shades of autumn, the temperature dropped to sweater weather and the weeks got rainier. Just like that, no warning, no time for any sort of transition, one morning Hyunjin just woke up to the world having turned orange. And once again he was reminded of where he was – in this mirror realm that didn’t follow along with the rules of the real world. And perhaps he was fascinated by that.

Seungmin was exhilarated by all of the colors, he wanted to go outside every day and visit the forest and move around and picture everything (he had recently picked up drawing again and he was amazing at it). It was endearing, and Seungmin’s love for autumn made Hyunjin fall for it, too. The night guard shifts got a bit less pleasant, though, as the cold nights started approaching them. Hyunjin was already fearing the winter a little, especially if the seasons just… changed abruptly like they had done in between summer and autumn. Who knew, maybe Hyunjin would wake up to white covering the ground by next week.

But they didn’t get to that next week. Oh no. Half of their roof disappeared one day, along with several things from the attic. Their little, cozy cottage was being demolished in the real world, and therefore their own little cottage was disappearing, too. It sent them all into a sort of chaotic frenzy – what would they do now, where to go, how much did they have time, what is this?! Until Chan made the decision that they all could anticipate: they were going to leave. They would have to leave, and they would finally do what Chan had been planning – move closer to a big city, try to build a community and get the lost ones to safety before it would be too late. So that’s what they did, they visited the city to find them two vans and a jeep that would take them and their things wherever. One of the vans they filled with salt. Nothing but salt. They didn’t know how long they would be on the move, how long it would take them to find a new house, they knew nothing. But they had the eight of them, and that was alright.

Hyunjin felt terrified, almost paralyzed by fear by the sudden, big change. Just as he had got used to the house, it was taken away from him. Luckily, he had Seungmin, who didn’t even need to say anything, he just stood next to Hyunjin, visited his parents’ house with him for the last time to say goodbye to the memories, and let him cry for the hundredth time against his shoulder.
“It will be alright, I promise”, was the only thing the boy mumbled against Hyunjin’s hair as he pulled him into a tight hug.

Then they left. The golden-eyed stag stood at the edge of their yard the whole time they packed their things and their pets into the cars, Chan told them he was there to bid them farewell. And maybe it really was. It had greeted Hyunjin on his first day, now it was here to say goodbye as they were about to leave for the bigger cities close by with much more dangers lurking around. Seungmin and Hyunjin got one of the vans, Chan, Minho, Jeongin and Changbin took the jeep and Felix drove the other van with Jisung. They left, slowly drove the trail into the city that Seungmin and Hyunjin had once called their home, they drove through the familiar streets and then headed for the highway leading towards the unknown. It was horrible. And there was still a small sense of freedom in it.

During their travel to find them a new place to stay, Hyunjin discovered something. It didn’t hurt as much, letting go of their cottage, it was like pulling a band aid off of his skin, and then he was…alright. The world didn’t collapse. Sure, leaving stung, but that was it. He could live. Because he had understood that home didn’t need to be tied to a place. Sometimes home was the people around you, like right now, home for Hyunjin was the people around him, not the walls of their little cottage. To Hyunjin, home had become his smart boyfriend, a rather traumatized leader-figure and his sarcastic and blind boyfriend, two war veterans, a nurse, and a brat who always beat him in racing games, and a cat and a dog. That was his home now. These people were his home now. And maybe that… that made it all so much better. Easier. Worth the sting of change.

“Hyunjin?”
“Hm?” Hyunjin turned his attention from the road they were driving through to Seungmin. There was a forest around them, which soon turned to fields upon fields. Chan was driving ahead of them, Felix behind them. Up the hill, and from behind that hill, in the distance, Hyunjin could see a city, biggest they had seen during their travels yet, spreading out in the horizon. Seungmin had his hands on the steering wheel, he glanced at Hyunjin briefly before focusing on the road ahead again:
“I love you.”
“What?” Huh?
“Just felt like saying it”, Seungmin mumbled, his ears tinting a bit redder.
“Are you serious? Aren’t you supposed to be the romantic one of us?” Hyunjin wasn’t sure if he felt mad or bursting with an inexplicable amount of happiness and love, but it was overwhelming him. It was probably the latter.
“Maybe, but I’m not getting any picnics underneath the moonlight by the sea anytime soon, so this will have to do.”
“You are a menace”, Hyunjin rolled his eyes before unbuckling his seatbelt and hunching over to Seungmin’s side of the car. Unsafe, yes, but there was no one but them on the road. Hyunjin pressed a kiss on Seungmin’s cheek, before mumbling right by his ear:
“I love you too. Very very much.”
And maybe that sent roughly a million butterflies flying in his stomach, and the blush on Seungmin’s face was so damn cute and Hyunjin would have wanted to kiss him so so bad, but he couldn’t since Seungmin was driving and he was the type to engulf himself into the kisses and forget the entire world around them and so was Hyunjin and he wanted to live a few more days and not die in a car crash, so he simply had to endure.

Thankfully, he didn’t need to endure for long.
“Oh? They’re turning?” Seungmin muttered, shook his shoulders a little to get rid of the blush on his face. The car ahead of them turned to a smaller road that led to someplace that looked like a farm by a forest.
“A farm? It looks like it’s in good condition”, Hyunjin mumbled. Then he glanced at Seungmin, who eyed him back as he turned the car to follow Chan’s lead.
“And there’s a big city nearby. This could… this could be it.”

And it was. The farmhouse was just perfect for them.