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The subtle flirting every now and then happened unexpectedly. It truthfully wasn’t always like this. There would be moments where they texted each other as soon as their class ended and sometimes would make time to see each other. It was unusual, of course. It was out of the contrary considering they had this lingering hatred for one another since their freshman year of high school. There was no telling how it actually came to be that two people, who felt so much genuine disgust for each other, could feel butterflies whenever they were together.
It was one of those days when Seungho would walk Nakyum home after class. It was always awkward whenever they walked home together though. The silence was heavy around them, but neither of them would actually notice it. The question was rather on where their relationship was going. Seungho took a long look at Nakyum, admiring how his eyes glistened perfectly underneath the sunlight. Nakyum suddenly halted in his steps, his body facing a worn down staircase.
“Thank you.” He said turning around. His voice was so soft, almost inaudible to hear. Seungho didn’t say anything back. He was scratching the back of his neck gawkily, relieved that he wasn’t caught staring at the younger just a few seconds ago. He watched as Nakyum made his way up the stairs. To see Nakyum turn around towards him and wave before heading into his room was just wishful thinking on Seungho’s part.
So as he was about to leave, he suddenly heard his name from a short distance. Seungho whipped his head around and noticed Nakyum standing by the railing.
“Seungho?” Nakyum called out questionably. He could see that Seungho’s eyes were fixated to where his voice came from. It made him feel uneasy. He wasn’t sure why he was calling out to Seungho like this. It was like a moment from Romeo and Juliet. Seungho raised his eyebrow with confusion being the main focus of his emotion. “Nevermind—just text me when you get back, okay?”
During the walk back home, Seungho bumped into Jihwa. They were quite close, but hardly ever hung out together. He was a tad bit shorter in height, and his maturity could never match that of Seungho’s. Their personalities clashed most times, but regardless he was still a really good friend. Jihwa casually approached Nakyum, “Heading home?”
They sat at the counters of a small convenience store. The sound of the lights flickering were very distinct, which gave this place a more old and rundown feeling. Jihwa waited impatiently as he waited for his ramen to cook itself in the boiling water. He blew on the steam as it was escaping from underneath the lid.
“You’ve been getting closer with Nakyum?” Jihwa was tapping his slender fingers on the lid repeatedly as he could feel his appetite grow.
“I guess.” Seungho answered unsurely. He didn’t know if he’d consider it getting closer, but for all he knew their relationship was nothing like it was four years ago. The glaring between passing periods and bickering of each other to their friends was over.
“Do you like him?”
“I don’t think I have anything against him anymore, so yeah?” Perhaps he answered too directly without understanding what the true intention of the question was.
“I didn’t mean it like that.” Jihwa let out his own laugh before clarifying, “I’m asking if you like him.”
“Don’t tell me you wanted to hang out so that you could ask me about him?”
“You don’t really tell me anything about what’s going on between you guys. It seemed fitting to ask.” Jihwa broke his chopsticks in two before eating his ramen. “Have you guys been fighting?”
“No,” Seungho replied in a monotone. It wasn’t like he was trying to keep Jihwa out of it. Like him, Seungho had so many questions for himself as well. Is it really possible that he actually has feelings for Nakyum that way? He sat there for a long time before realizing he forgot to text Nakyum. “I’m gonna get going.”
They didn’t talk for long, but there was no apology needed from Seungho. Jihwa knew how he was. Seungho just wasn’t the type of person to feel it was needed to apologize for something little like this. He threw his backpack over his shoulder, but before leaving so abruptly he turned to Jihwa.
“I’ll let you know.” Seungho gave him a reassuring smile. “I just need to figure things out.”
Nakyum repeatedly turned on his phone to check it. He continued staring at it until his screen timed out. He was obviously the kind of person to worry a lot. Having told Seungho to text him to let him know he’s home safe and then not hearing anything for almost half an hour is anxiety-inducing. He was already running different scenarios in his head as to what could have happened to Seungho during that time. Nakyum had been waiting for what feels like forever already and to wait even longer was making him lose his patience. He opened his conversation with Seungho and reread their exchanges. There wasn’t much saved between them. Their messages to each other were very short and straightforward. There were numerous texts from Seungho that read “I’m here” and very little of them saying “hi” to each other.
He was out of it, distracted even. During each round of reading their text messages, Nakyum found himself asking the same question. “How did we end up like this?” This was a waste of time, but it also helped pass time to go quicker. By the time Nakyum drew back into reality, he received the message he’d been expecting. Seungho was finally home. So much relief overcame him that Nakyum wanted to respond immediately, but he stopped himself midway his text.
“It took you awhile. I was so—” He read the message to himself and was surprised. There was no way that he was going to let himself tell Seungho how worried he was. He deleted what he typed and forwarded a different message.
“I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Seungho arrived very early the next morning to walk Nakyum to class. He did this every now and then, but not all the time. Nakyum woke up a little late and rushed in the morning to get ready. He didn’t want to keep Seungho waiting. As he closed the door behind him, he acknowledged Seungho leaning against the stairs with his hands in his pockets.
“I’m so sorry.” Nakyum came down apologizing. “I didn’t hear my alarm and slept through it.”
“It’s fine.”
Nakyum’s apartment was just a few blocks away from campus. When he was in high school, he would always see Seungho walk to school with a couple of delinquents. Nakyum would take different routes to avoid him, but somehow he would always end up back to where he was. He would be the one to pass by Seungho first because he rode his bike and whenever he did, Seungho would be seen jutting his jaw out of anger. He hated it. He hated him so much.
It’s obviously not like that anymore. They were walking so close together that their hands would occasionally graze against each other. Nakyum was nervous. It was so tempting to wrap his thin fingers around Seungho’s and unconsciously he did so. Seungho looked down at his hand and gave no reaction. Nakyum felt comfortable though because Seungho held his hand too with his own grasp. They continued to walk like this until they reached an area that was deemed unsafe. They weren’t going to risk getting caught if they didn’t let each other go.
Nakyum was eager for class to end. It seemed that he preferred to be with Seungho instead than be the one to sit at a desk taking notes. Then suddenly he felt someone nudge his side playfully, and he didn’t even have to take a guess as to who it was.
“Are you thinking about someone?” Inhun smiled cheekily.
“No,” Nakyum tried to deny, “I’m not.” Though he’s clearly not that good at lying, and everyone could tell just by looking at him. His lies shook heavily trying to escape between his teeth. Nakyum let out a sigh in defeat. “You can bother me about it during lunch, but not right now.”
And that was exactly what Inhun did. He asked questions about Seungho nonstop to the point where Nakyum felt like he could burst from low sanity. He couldn’t get a chance to answer one question before Inhun jumped to a different one entirely.
“Have you guys been fighting?”
“What? No, we haven’t—”
“Are you guys planning on dating anytime soon?”
“Inhun!” Nakyum shouted quietly.
“Oh, sorry.”
Nakyum shrugged it off as he knew Inhun didn’t have the intentions of annoying him like this.
“We’re not fighting. I just can’t bring myself to hate him the same way that I did before. I might be delusional or making stuff up, but I don’t think he hates me either.” Nakyum stared blankly at his hands. “Maybe that’s just what I’m hoping. We’re not together like that. I don’t know if we’ll ever be, but I know that I really like him. I don’t know how to explain this, Inhun. This just happened out of nowhere. Even I can’t understand it very well.”
Nakyum walked home with Seungho right after class had ended. The silence walked between them uninvited. When they both waited at a crosswalk together, Nakyum suddenly felt the pit of his stomach flutter. He couldn’t explain what this feeling was, but it was strange for him. He wasn’t sure if he liked it or not. He quickly glanced at Seungho and when the street light signaled for them to walk, he held Seungho back with an overwhelming urge.
“Can we—” He paused, gathering all the breath he needed to continue. “Can we do that again?” Nakyum asked sheepishly. He didn’t bother to look at Seungho because he didn’t want to hide in his embarrassment. It was quiet again for a moment. Seungho reached down and intertwined their fingers together, pulling Nakyum closer to him. And like this, just like this they walked.
By the time they reached the apartment, Nakyum had this feeling that Seungho was reluctant to let go. To be honest, he could say the same thing about himself too. It just felt so right holding each other like this. Their hands fit like the last two pieces of a puzzle.
“Nakyum?” Seungho was seen waving his hand back and forth in front of the younger. He was obviously trying to get his attention. Nakyum looked up startled. “You should let go now.”
After they have parted and gone their own ways, Seungho immediately drew himself away from Nakyum. He hoped that the distance between them could give him the space he needed to think, but it ended up making his feelings for Nakyum stronger than they did before. Even though he enjoyed every moment with Nakyum, it was something about being intimate with him that was off putting. Of course, it made sense too. They hated each other ever since they met and now their feelings changed so drastically.
During their time apart, Nakyum didn’t complain once or question why Seungho has been silent. He knew what Seungho was doing because he had done the same thing the first week they had gotten so much closer together.
Seungho felt empty without Nakyum. He had never missed someone so badly like this before. It was an unfamiliar feeling that left him so perplexed. He spent his weekend thinking about this a lot and when it finally came to him that he has feelings for Nakyum, he quickly fell into denial. It just couldn’t be.
He figured that this gave him all the more reasons to keep his distance. He could scarcely fathom the idea that Nakyum could be his. They used to hate each other, so they should still be.
Seungho felt restless by the end of the weekend. He would see Nakyum around campus whenever they walked by each other in the hallway. Their eyes would lock onto each other at every chance they got. Seungho had been making his own efforts to avoid him in hopes that whatever feelings that overcame him would subside. But the results turned out to be what he didn’t want, it only made him want Nakyum even more.
When the professor dismissed everyone from their classes, Seungho met Nakyum by the quad. He hardly ever did, considering the fact that their friends Inhun and Jihwa might see them together and bombard them with questions. Luckily for them, Jihwa went home right away and Nakyum wasn’t being chaperoned by Inhun.
“Hey.”
Nakyum would be lying if he said he was disappointed to see Seungho. He had practically gotten used to being around him, but right now Nakyum wasn’t sure how to greet him in a situation like this. He was aware of how long he was taking and forced himself to speak only to realize the pressure made him sound a bit sour.
“Do you need something?” He almost trailed off. Nakyuim was seconds away from asking Seungho to walk him home, but it seemed impractical here.
Seungho looked elsewhere. He didn’t want to look into Nakyum’s eyes despite his own desires. It was so difficult. He was at a loss for words because he wasn’t sure if Nakyum felt indifferent about him. “Can I walk you home?” He finally managed to make eye contact. “I know this is out of nowhere. We haven’t spoken in a while, and I didn’t say anything to—”
“Yes, I would like that.” Nakyum’s small smile was so delicate.
It seemed like they were back to their fleeting routine. They both discerned how muted the walk was, except the ambience changed. As they drew closer to the apartment, Seungho slowed down. He promptly stopped walking, which put Nakyum walking ahead of him.
“What’s wrong?” Nakyum asked with concern. He stopped in his tracks immediately after noticing Seungho wasn’t next to him anymore.
“I like you, Nakyum.” Seungho confessed with no preparations. “I like you a lot.”
Nakyum was taken aback and surprised by the words he had just heard. He wasn’t sure if he heard correctly at all, maybe this entire day was a mere dream. There was no way he could see that coming, and it seemed like Seungho didn’t either. He found it charming the way Seungho looked very flustered.
“I don’t know where this will leave us, but this—I’ve been thinking about this a lot.”
Nakyum walked towards Seungho slowly with each step that he took. He felt persistent when he reached over to hold Seungho’s hand, the same way the latter did before. “Would you try going out with me?”
“What?” Seungho was stunned.
“I like you too.” A tint of pink colored Nakyum’s cheeks. He buried his face into Seungho’s shoulder, hiding himself to prevent Seungho from seeing the blush that was starting to deepen in color.
“Yes.” Seungho took this opportunity to hug him. He wrapped his hands around the younger and pulled him in even closer.
The two of them talked, and it’s safe to say that it wasn’t an argument. It definitely was a disagreement that kept getting thrown back at the two of them. Seungho and Nakyum couldn’t agree on whether to tell Inhun and Jihwa about their new profound relationship. Nakyum has been egging Seungho to let him tell Inhun because it’s not like him to keep things from him, whereas Seungho insisted they wait.
“Let’s just see where things go.”
In Nakyum’s perspective, it seemed like Seungho was turning this more into a lecture, but he was right. They should be patient and see where they were heading in this relationship. For one thing, they weren’t sure if they would be able to last long together. Who knows if they’d start hating each other again in another second.
Seungho and Nakyum acted as if nothing happened the next day. This made things more complicated for them though because they had to resist the temptation of being affectionate with each other. It was definitely a difficult obstacle for Nakyum, but Seungho wasn’t aware of how much it took a toll on him. There were many instances where Nakyum was on the verge of telling Inhun everything, but he would remember not to, at least not yet anyway.
This day seemed longer than usual. After leaving his class, Nakyum thought about how he felt like he’d wasted his day away. He plodded through the hallways towards the quad with Inhun. He instantly took notice of Seungho walking towards him and gestured to him to keep walking in a different direction.
“How about you head home first?” Nakyum stacked his history book on top of his notebooks in his backpack.
“You don’t want to get something to eat?” Inhun asked solemnly.
“I have some things to take care of.” Nakyum zipped his backpack closed. “We can go tomorrow, yeah?”
“Alright, fine. But you just missed out, I was planning to pay for your meal.” Inhun decided to take advantage of the situation. “You’re gonna have to pay for next time then.”
Naykum nodded in agreement and watched Inhun make his way to the front of the campus. When the coast was clear, he sighed with relief.
“That was a really hard thing to do, Seungho.” Nakyum pouted. He opened his arms wide to hug Seungho and rested his head on his chest.
“I’m sorry.” Seungho expressed his regret. “I guess we don’t need to keep it from them. You can tell him, but I’m still not gonna say anything. I need some more time to adjust.”
Nakyum perked up. “I don’t want to tell him if it makes you uncomfortable. I sounded impatient and keep on pushing you to do something you don’t feel comfortable with.” Even though he didn’t say it word for word, Seungho knew that Nakyum was blaming himself.
“Let’s go somewhere else right now.” Seungho cupped Nakyum’s cheeks in his palms, his thumbs lightly grazing over them.
They sat underneath a tree that wasn’t the prettiest one compared to the others around them. It was the only one that provided the nicest shade. Seungho was trying to keep himself from falling asleep on Nakyum’s lap, but he found it hard due to the soothing touches of Nakyum playing with his locks. It was calming. He closed his eyes, but soon opened them again when he heard Nakyum talking.
“Can I ask you something?”
“I think you just did.” Seungho answered playfully. He earned himself a little punch on the leg, but it was worth it to hear Nakyum laugh at his severely lame joke.
“No, I’m being serious.” Nakyum rested his hand on Seungho’s chest, staring at him longingly. Seungho was kind of worried now. He couldn’t tell what it was that Nakyum wanted to talk about. “Why did you hate me?”
A slight “oh” escaped between Seungho’s lips. He thought for a short time before giving Nakyum his complete answer. “Besides the glaring and trash talking you did behind my back, you looked too happy.”
Nakyum tilted his head with uncertainty. He couldn’t tell if Seungho was answering him with sarcasm.
“What about you?”
“Hm?” Nakyum hummed.
“Why did you hate me?” Seungho returned the question back to him. Nakyum cracked a smile, as if telling Seungho that this question was way too easy to answer.
“Why did I hate you?” Nakyum repeated as he ran his fingers through Seungho’s hair again. “You looked too serious.”
They both went home later than they should’ve, but their anticipation grew as the week was coming to an end. Seungho and Nakyum couldn’t wait to spend time together over the weekend. It was a great chance to get to know each other more, like finding what they liked and disliked. You know, the basics.
Nakyum was sitting with Inhun at their usual lunch table. When Seungho walked into the cafeteria, their eyes instantly met as if they knew where they were already. Seungho wasn’t able to control himself from smiling. He waved his hand over his head, not bothered by the fact that Jihwa was next to him. Nakyum gave the same expression, except he offered it with a more timid wave. He turned back to Inhun, eyes twinkling with brimming affection.
“I have a crush on Seungho really badly, Inhun.” Nakyum said that as fast as he could and added, “We’re dating.”
From the other side of the room, Seungho sat himself down next to Jihwa. He nudged him twice on his side with the straightest face while he simply said, “We’re dating.”
“Seungho, you—”
“I like Nakyum a lot.” Seungho wasn’t someone who would hide from being too shy. But it was clear that his face was getting so red, and he was definitely just as impatient as Nakyum. They both ended up telling their friend anyway.