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Cold. She was so cold.
Stumbling through the snow, Izayoi began to wonder if she would ever know what warmth was again. The more she thought of it, the more it seemed like some distant dream beyond her reach. Trying to remember what it had been like to not feel the bite of the wind or the frigid chill of the snow as it settled against her skin was impossible. The shivers had stopped and she was certain that was not a good sign.
Why did I have to be so foolish? She cursed herself. Usually she was smarter than this.
Running away in the middle of the winter season was not her brightest idea, but she had been overcome with the need to escape before her fate was chosen for her. And she knew that this was the way of things for all women like her, yet she couldn’t help but to fight against it. She had no desire to be bound to some man she had never met and live a kept life of obedience. She loved her father, but this she could not do.
Perhaps it was only fitting that she be punished for her insolence, then. That a snowstorm should arise and she should become lost. Freezing. Wandering. Uncertain of where home was anymore. The only thing she knew for sure was that she was in the woods, the trees blocking the worst of it.
The flakes continued to fall in a furious torrent and whip around her, coating the world in an indistinct white and gray haze. Before her impulsive choice to flee, Izayoi had shed only a few layers of her junihitoe, hoping the remaining ones would keep her warm as she made her way to the next village over. The protection they had once offered her against the elements was now becoming her undoing as the fabric became soaked and heavy, weighing her down with their ice cold touch.
So when her numb feet stumbled once more and she leaned into something rather solid, she allowed herself to sag against it, assuming it was perhaps a tree. Her eyes had been cast downward, because what was the point of peering into a landscape she couldn’t make out? But then the thing she had run into moved, and an arm rose to steady her. Her sluggish mind registered that she had stumbled into something that was not in fact a tree but something, or rather someone , alive.
Artwork provided by the talented MamaBearCat
Relief hit her first, thinking perhaps it was one of her father’s men come to find her. Raising her eyes to peer up at him she blinked, looking up...and up...and up. And finally, meeting amber eyes that almost glowed, set under a prominent brow, staring down at her in interest in an otherwise impassive face. And it was quite possibly the most handsome face she had ever seen, high cheekbones accentuated by jagged streaks of indigo that disappeared up into his temples. Long silver hair blew in the wind, tamed only by a high ponytail. His clothing was battle armor, giving him a fierce appearance.
For a long moment Izayoi stared, ensnared by his ethereal beauty. Then she swallowed. This was not one of her father’s men. This was a demon.
Demons meant trouble and danger and death. They were violence. It was a lesson she’d learned from an early age, when she’d been out with only a few guards, her handmaiden, and the handmaid's daughter. The ball they had been playing with rolled a little too close to the edge of the forest and Izayoi had tripped on the hem of her kimono when running to fetch it. She had skinned the palm of her hand, the scent of blood a siren call to the monsters lurking in the shadows.
It had been over in minutes, but not before the demons had bitten her friend’s arm and killed one of the guards. Before that moment, Izayoi had always thought there must be good demons along with the bad ones, just like there were good and bad humans. And part of her still did. But that memory had irrevocably shaped her perception of them, and it was reinforced with every overheard whisper of a demon attack in the next village over, or the warnings that fell from every mouth.
Somehow, she didn’t think this demon was like the others, though. Although why she was so certain of it, she couldn’t really say. Still, caution was the better part of valor, and while she might be a bit naive in the ways of the world, but she wouldn’t call herself stupid.
“Who...let me go,” Izayoi managed, struggling weakly.
His brows raised at her feeble attempts and he sighed. “Be still. My intentions are not to harm you.”
“You’re a demon.”
“Yes. And you are a mortal woman about to freeze to death.”
“Better to freeze than be your victim.”
“My victim? A weak kitten such as yourself is not my idea of prey,” he chuckled.
A small fire of indignation ignited inside of Izayoi at that. How dare he mock her? With numb fingers, she grasped at the hilt of one of the swords at his waist, attempting to draw it. Her knowledge in swordplay was minimal at best, but she would not go down without a fight. However, he quickly put a stop to that, his free hand coming up to cover her own.
At the touch a spark flared, something bright that flamed through her body with a heat so intense that for a moment it chased the cold away. She told herself it was just the warmth of his hand over hers, nothing more, but it was unlike anything she had ever felt before. Her surprise at just how wholly it had consumed her almost distracted her from his own sharp intake of breath. Why would he be surprised, as well?
Then a small sigh escaped her before ending on a gasp as the feeling faded, leaving her almost more chilled than before. Suddenly she wanted nothing more than to lean back into him, bask in the warmth of his body. She was so cold and he was so warm.
He laughed at her audacity, and when he spoke again there was something else in his voice that hadn’t been there before. A sort of...curiosity and interest. His eyes seemed to really take her in for the first time. “I see the kitten has claws, but there is no need for any of that. Allow me to help you.”
“Why...would you do...that? You’re...a demon,” she returned, the words coming slowly past numbed lips as the cold settled into her very bones. The warmth of his hand was the first thing she had truly felt in a long while and she craved it again. As for the other feeling that had accompanied it...her mind wasn’t currently able to think properly, couldn’t quite parse it out. But something inside her recognized it, despite how foreign it had been. It was strange.
“Not all demons are without a heart. And now I find myself...interested in you.”
And there it was. His admission of what she had already suspected. And truthfully, she was just as ensnared by him. Her better sense argued against it, but her body didn’t seem to care.
“What...makes me so...interesting? You’ve only...just met me.”
“Many things. But by the time I spoke them all, you’ll have frozen to death.”
Izayoi wasn’t sure if being found interesting by a demon was such a good thing. But she couldn’t deny that she found him interesting, too. If he had truly wanted to cause her harm, he’d had plenty of opportunity to do so already. And truthfully, even if he changed his mind, it wasn’t like she would be able to stop him. But that was the thing-- some innate part of her just knew that he would not hurt her. She couldn’t explain it. Despite her caution, she still wasn’t afraid.
It was almost as if part of her welcomed him. It confused her, and if anything about this situation made her afraid, it was that; how could she be so strongly pulled in by someone she had only just met? Perhaps it was the cold affecting her ability to properly reason.
“Okay,” she found herself agreeing. And then, because she had to know, “What’s...your name?”
“Toga. I am the Inu no Taisho. Might I have your name, as well?”
“I am Izayoi.”
“A unique name for a unique woman,” he said, and she thought she saw him give the barest hint of a smile before his expression sobered once more. “First, we must get you warm again. How long have you been lost in this storm?”
“I...don’t know,” she admitted, then let out a small squeak of surprise as he lifted her effortlessly into his arms and flew across the terrain. She didn’t know where he was taking her, and didn’t care. Again, that part inside of her just knew she would be safe. He would keep her safe. That unflinching lack of hesitation where he was concerned baffled her but she didn’t have the energy to try and figure it out. His arms were around her and she instinctively burrowed closer, pressing her nose against his chest, seeking his body heat. It was shameless of her, but she couldn’t seem to help herself.
Sleep tugged at her and she tried to close her eyes but he wouldn’t let her. She knew he was right, that there was the danger of never waking up again if she drifted off in the state she was currently in. He prodded her with questions to keep her awake, and she grew annoyed but answered them anyways. Despite having just met him, there was a sense of security about him, and she confessed her disobedience. That she had fled from a betrothal she didn’t want. How stupid she had been to just run off with no real plan.
“Desperation makes people do things they otherwise would never consider,” he had said in response to that.
She wanted to ask him questions too, but her mind refused to cooperate. Too cold to function properly. She honestly wasn’t sure how she managed to keep replying to everything he said. Again, the question of why he was helping her flitted through her thoughts but disappeared like smoke against the weight of just how tired she was. How much effort just staying conscious was.
He had stopped. The wind had stopped, too. She vaguely registered those facts as he set her down on a pile of blankets, and her half-delirious mind took in her new surroundings. It looked to be a cave of some sort, and one that someone had been using as a base of sorts for a little while. The makings of a fire were already there and as she blinked, she saw him bring it back to life until the flames were crackling merrily, but the warmth of them barely touched her.
In a matter of moments Toga had divested himself of his armor and was beside her again. His hands tugged at her clothing and she dimly realized he was taking the layers of her elaborate junihitoe off. She knew she should protest, be outraged, try to protect her modesty against this man, this demon, she had only just met...but all she felt was tired. Exhausted.
“Why...are you disrobing me?” Izayoi found it in herself to ask, managing to push against him weakly in some semblance of resistance. He sighed.
“In order to get warm you must remove your frozen and wet clothing,” Toga explained patiently. She nodded as if that made sense.
“I see…”
“I will not take advantage of you.”
“I’m not sure why...but even though...I have just met you, I feel as if...I can trust you,” Izayoi confessed, perhaps unwisely, the words still coming slowly. “I don’t know how...to explain it. It’s as if...some part of me recognizes you...even though we have never met.”
Toga inhaled sharply, golden eyes widening almost imperceptibly. It was the first real display of emotion he had shown. He looked away, setting her soaked clothing to the side to dry by the fire and leaving her in nothing but her thin white kosode. It was damp, but had managed to escape the worst of the snow. Izayoi brought her arms up to cover herself, attempting to huddle into herself for any kind of warmth, although it was a pointless effort.
“As I suspected, you felt it too,” he said simply, as he began to remove part of his own clothing. His haori came off and then the clothing beneath that, leaving him bare chested. Izayoi couldn’t help but to stare in fascination, barely catching herself before she raised a hand to trace the ridges and dips of his muscled torso. She swallowed, blushing, her fingers curling to bite into her arms. Then his words registered, words that made no sense to her.
“What...do you mean? Felt...what?”
“I’m not sure it’s wise to tell you yet, given your current state and seeing as we have only just met. I would not want to...scare you away,” he replied cryptically, looking amused at her obvious embarrassment.
Izayoi scowled, raising her eyes to meet his golden gaze. “I’m not scared.”
Toga granted her a smile and the sight made her heart flutter. “Such a brave little kitten.”
“I’m not a kitten, either.”
He chose not to reply, instead gathering her close. She immediately stiffened in surprise even as she wanted to melt into him. He radiated heat and she was drawn to it like a moth was drawn to a flame. As if he was the sun and she had been in the darkness for far too long. He wrapped one of the blankets around them, shielding them from the wayward bursts of wind and snowflakes that managed to make it into the cave.
“What are you doing?” she demanded, her voice shaky.
“Warming you,” he replied. “Relax, kitten.”
“Stop calling me that.”
He chuckled and she could feel the verberations of the action through his chest that she was now pressed firmly up against. Despite her words, she couldn’t help but to cling to him, burying her head against his neck and sighing deeply in content. This whole situation was beyond anything she had ever imagined befalling her, and everything had just happened so fast, until suddenly she was half undressed in a cave with this demon who seemed to have developed an interest in her wellbeing.
If she could think properly she might have found it bewildering.
Demons were supposed to be bad, but everything Toga had done so far was proving that concept wrong. Izayoi had known him for only an hour at most, but already she could sense he was an honorable man. It was weird how she didn’t question what he was doing too harshly. How she just accepted it, which wasn’t her usual nature at all. But like she’d said, there was something at work here she couldn’t define. Between that and her foggy mind it was no wonder she was just going along with everything. She had been dying of exposure and was in no position to resist him.
At least, that’s what she tried to tell herself.
This beautiful and imposing demon was doing his best to take care of her and some secret part of her craved it. Again, she wondered what he meant by stating that she had felt it too. She would pry him about it again, later. Right now she was basking in the glow of the heat of his body. The longer he held onto her the more she felt the grip of the cold begin to loosen. Slowly, warmth was returning to her limbs, and it was a painful transition. She muffled a whimper as the pleasant tingles she had been feeling turned to sharp pin pricks, feeling as if she was engulfed in an icy fire.
“Why was a demon such as yourself out in such a storm?” she asked, mostly to distract herself.
“I was hunting a demon gone rogue in my territory, but lost him in the snowstorm,” Toga replied. He made no comment on her suffering, but his arms tightened around her. A new warmth rushed through her, this time coming from within.
“Your territory?”
“I am the Inu no Taisho, ruler of the youkai of the West.”
Izayoi was glad her face was resting against his chest so he couldn’t see her shock. He had introduced himself as the Inu no Taisho before, but she hadn’t fully realized what that meant. This was no ordinary demon. Toga was a daiyoukai and he had her in his clutches.
Somehow that thought wasn’t as panic-inducing as it should have been.
“Again, I must wonder what such a great lord of youkai is doing wasting his time with a mortal such as myself. A mortal you have only just met. Or were you just bored?” Izayoi said, unable to keep from prodding him.
“Perhaps a little. But there’s more to it than that,” Toga said, his answer revealing nothing.
“Does the more you are referring to have to do with the thing you said earlier? About me feeling it too?”
“You are persistent, kitten.”
“So you will not tell me.” She couldn’t mask her disappointment. But it was only fair; he owed her nothing and right now she owed him her life.
“I think telling you would be a mistake. You barely know me, and the truth would be too much too soon.”
“Then you underestimate me.”
Toga paused, and Izayoi could tell he was having an internal debate with himself. For a long moment she thought he still wouldn’t tell her. Then he released a breath, as if in surrender. “Very well. The real reason is that my demon nature has recognized you. And I could not let my true mate die from the cold, not when I’ve only just found you.”
At first she thought he must be jesting, but when he said nothing further Izayoi’s mind blanked as she reeled from this information. No wonder he had thought it would scare her away, because her first initial reaction was to resist. She had known him for an hour, perhaps two now, and he was telling her that they were...what? Mates? What did that even mean?
“I don’t understand,” she managed. “Mates? Like...soulmates? I thought such a thing was only a romantic story.”
“No, you wouldn’t,” he agreed. “It’s not common knowledge outside of youkai. But all demons have mates, life partners, and our demonic natures instinctively know and recognize when we have met our perfect match. My instincts tell me that despite being mortal, you are mine. You can think of it like soulmates, because in a way that’s exactly what it is. I know this concept exists for humans, but rarely do mortals ever find their destined partner, which explains why you’ve only heard of it in stories.”
“That...is a lot to process.”
“Understandable. While I may appear unphased to you, I’m just as...surprised. But the concept of mates is not so foreign to me, like it is to you.”
“I feel like I have gone from one betrothal to the next, with no say in the matter,” Izayoi confessed.
At her words, Toga pulled away slightly to look into her eyes and she flushed as the reality of their rather scandalous proximity to each other struck her again. It was a struggle to keep her eyes on his face rather than his very…tempting body.
“You do have a say. I won’t force this on you,” he replied seriously. “It was mere happenstance that I came upon you in this storm. If you wish to return to your father in the morning, once you are dry and warm, then I won’t stop you. I will even accompany you to make sure you arrive safely.”
Izayoi peered at him, a bit surprised. Most men spent most of their time telling her what to do or what to say, how she should be… but this demon was giving her a choice. As much as she had always wished for more agency, it was a rare commodity afforded to her. Women of noble birth such as her often lived strict lives at the whims of other people, usually men, the lavish comfort of her lifestyle the only silver lining. Like a bird in a gilded cage.
And Toga was offering to set her free.
“You would do that?” she asked in wonder.
“I have no wish to keep you against your will. I understand this all must be very sudden for you, but it’s also my understanding that you were fleeing a life of choices made for you,” Toga said, one of his hands coming up to rest on her cheek. Without thinking, she leaned into the touch and closed her eyes.
“It was a foolish and impulsive choice, but yes. I was. I was lucky that I met you or I would have frozen to death,” Izayoi admitted.
“It’s a good thing I found you then.”
“Mhmm,” she murmured, curling one of her arms around his neck and pulling herself up a bit. Perhaps it was this mate thing between them, then, that made her feel as if she had known him forever. Made her trust in him so completely despite him being a stranger. The sense of utter security she felt around him, her total lack of fear at him being such a powerful demon.
“If what you say is true, and we are destined to be mates, then it’s actually a bit of a relief.” She laughed at the look on his face at that, as if she had lost her mind, and not the least bit because she was wondering the same thing. “I thought I was giving in to the delirium of the cold sickness, that the way I have trusted you without hesitation was pure madness. But...now I know that it was not lunacy, but fate.”
“I think it may be a bit of both, little kitten,” he teased, leaning in towards her, his breath brushing over her lips.
Izayoi had never kissed a man, but in that very moment she wanted to so very badly. She closed her eyes again and he read her consent, closing the distance between them. Pulling her closer with the arm wrapped around her, the hand on her cheek moved to her neck, tilting her head up as he kissed her. When he broke away from her she slowly opened her eyes and his own hot amber gaze made her shiver in desire. He wanted her.
But was it just because they were to be mates? She couldn’t deny the pull between them, but she was also a romantic at heart. She wanted love. Needed it.
“So? What will it be?” Toga asked, his voice low and husky.
“I...I have some questions,” she finally said. His kiss had affected her more than she’d realized. Between his body heat and the way he sent her heart racing, he was warming her up in more ways than one. He was awakening feelings inside her that she’d never felt for another before, emotional and physical.
“Name them.”
“Do...demons feel love?” Izayoi asked, blushing.
Toga smiled at her. “Love is more of a mortal concept, and one I have never truly felt for another woman. Intense loyalty, deep affection, but not love.”
“Oh,” she said, disappointed.
“But I think perhaps with you an exception could be made,” Toga continued. “Does that satisfy you?”
“I think I can live with that,” Izayoi said, then stopped. “Wait, what women have you felt these things for then?”
Toga laughed, the sound startling her. She frowned, unamused by his reaction. “And what exactly is so amusing?” she asked coolly.
“The kitten has teeth and is jealous,” he replied, his eyes glinting in the firelight.
“Fine,” she pouted, trying to pull away. “What do I care if you have other women in your life? Although I must tell you, I don’t fancy the thought of being in a harem. Nor do I like the idea of sharing.”
“There has only been one other, and it was never love. And it ended a while ago,” Toga said, offering her some honesty.
“Oh.”
“Any other questions?”
“You don’t have a problem with me being mortal?”
“Why would it be a problem?”
“I...I’m not sure.”
“It doesn’t matter to me. If my demonic nature is calling for you then who am I to question it? I’m not so proud to think I know better than instincts older than me.”
“And how old are you, anyways?”
He spoke a number and her eyes grew round, lips forming a little “O” in surprise.
“My last question...if I were to choose to go with you, what is expected of me?”
“If you are referring to the mating, I don’t expect anything. Everything will be up to you.”
“And what if I decide I don’t want to...to mate with you? And that I don’t love you?”
“Not a concern. You will,” he returned, his eyes growing hot again as he looked at her lips, still pinked from their kiss. She barely resisted the urge to lick them.
“You sound awfully confident. And arrogant.” It annoyed her slightly, even if he was probably right.
“Because I’m usually right.”
“Maybe you will be about this...but on other things I will certainly challenge you.”
“Then I am looking forward to it,” he replied, clearly amused.
Izayoi fell silent, considering everything. The choice was obvious. She couldn’t go back to her father now, she couldn’t return to an engagement that was purely political, to a man who probably would not value her beyond her beauty and ability to provide him with heirs. Toga, on the other hand, was offering her everything she had ever wanted. Freedom. Choices. A possibility of real love.
Maybe it was too soon, maybe she was making yet another impulsive choice. And even if that were the case, somehow the thought didn’t bother her. Because it was her choice.
“Then my answer is yes.”