Work Text:
“Hey Y/N!”
You look up to see the bright colours of Penelope Garcia coming towards you, a coffee in hand like she does every morning. It’s a tradition between you two; Garcia once forgot to get you a coffee when she got some for the team, and to make sure she never ever forgets, she brings you one every morning.
You take it without a word, just a nod of thanks as you make your way over to your desk. That’s odd—you normally greet everyone with a spritely ‘hello’ and a smile on your face. Today, there’s nothing, just a nod and the scuff of your shoes as you sit at your desk.
“Morning Y/N,” Emily greets as she takes her seat opposite you. You look up from your paperwork.
“Morning,” you mumble in reply, quickly looking back down. Emily frowns and looks at Derek. He stands and wanders over, taking a seat on the your desk and making you look up.
“What’s wrong, kid? Nothing to be excited for today?” He asks, concern lacing his voice. Every morning, you give everyone one reason to be excited and happy, whether it be a new book that’s been released, a cat you saw that morning, or even the crunching of leaves in the autumn weather. You shrug.
“Guess not,” you reply. The others exchange a worried glance, and are about to interject before there’s a call from their unit chief.
“My team, briefing room. Now.”
Derek sighs and reluctantly heads up, followed by Prentiss. Spencer waits behind, however, falling into step next to you. He doesn’t say anything even though he really wants to. Your body language is telling him you’re upset about something, but the case has to come first, right?
“Sandra Winchest, age twenty-seven, found in a water tank on top of a hotel in Los Angeles,” JJ starts, handing out the files for everyone. You bury yourself in it, soaking up every last detail of the crime scene photos, who Sandra is, and what connection the unsub has to this woman. You’re so invested you don’t hear Hotch call the meeting to an end, and only notice when Rossi places a hand on your shoulder, making you jump.
“Sorry to scare you,” he apologises, “we’re off in thirty.”
You nod, muttering a ‘sorry’ and heading to your desk to grab your go-bag. You pack your paperwork away and follow the others to the jet. On your way, Reid hangs beside you, and as you’re walking up the steps, grabs your hand and gives it a small squeeze.
You and Spencer tend to hang off each other, ever since you saved him from an unsub. Whether you’re hugging, have your arms around each other, or holding hands, you’re connected in some way. That’s what makes it unusual when you pull away and sit in the corner, away from him. Reid brushes it off, though—maybe you just had a bad night’s sleep and want to catch up. Buts if you want to go to sleep, surely you’d curl up next to the genius like you do every time you’re coming back from a case?
He shifts, uncomfortable, and tries to figure out what’s wrong.
—•—
It’s been a week since the BAU arrived. They’ve all noticed the slight changes. You’re more on edge, snappier with the local PD, and doesn’t speak to anyone outside of the office. You just go to your hotel room and don’t emerge until the next morning. The night before they’re meant to raid the unsub’s house, Hotch and Rossi sit together downstairs, each nursing a small glass of whiskey.
“Have you noticed something’s off with Y/N?” Rossi asks after a comfortable silence. Hotch sighs and nods.
“Yeah. They’re snappier and withdrawing. They don’t want to be around anyone,” he describes. “It’s like they don’t want to be a part of the team anymore.”
“Aaron we both know where this can lead,” Rossi replies. “It’s not like we haven’t seen this before. Agents growing themselves in work to avoid something. They get more irritable, quicker to snap.”
Hotch takes a sip from his glass. “I’ll talk to them tomorrow night, after we’ve got the unsub. It’s not affected their work yet.”
The two nurse their glasses into the night, coming up with a plan.
—•—
“Okay. Morgan, Rossi, I want you two to go in the back. Prentiss, L/N, I want you on front door. JJ and I will take the side. All exits covered.”
Hotch runs the team down on what they need to do and you all nod, taking your positions. You and Emily are on the front door, and the moment you get the signal, you kick down the door and the others follow suit. The house appears as if it’s been abandoned for some time, dust coming up and making you cough. You use your torch to look through, clearing the downstairs. However, you don’t expect a thump from behind and a hit to the back of your head.
You fall to the floor, clutching your head as the unsub runs out the back. Emily rushes over, crouching next to you and helping you up.
“Y/N? Can you hear me?” She asks. You nod. “Okay. Come with me. We’re going to the EMTs.”
You shake your head. “I-I’m fine. We’re not going.”
Emily sighs. “Y/N I’m not fighting on this. We’re going.” She grabs your arm and practically drags you to the ambulance outside. You don’t resist, just sit down and lets the EMTs run their tests before determining you don’t have a concussion.
Fuck I messed up.
Hotch is going to kick me off the team.
Can’t even get an unsub Jesus Christ
“Hey, you okay?”
You look up to see your unit chief in front of you, crouched so you’re at the same level. You nod and start playing with your sleeves.
“‘M fine.”
Hotch lets out a light sigh and nods. “Okay. Just wanted to make sure. You did good in there.”
You raise a brow. “Good? Good? I was fucking smacked in the back of the head because I wasn’t paying attention, Hotch! I let him get away!”
“Morgan got him as he went out the back door. And yes, you did good. You focussed on clearing the rooms and looking out for your partner. That’s what a good agent does,” he explains in a gentle yet forceful tone. You scoff.
“I fucked up, Hotch. Don’t try and sugarcoat it.”
—•—
You’re in your hotel room, in the dark, looking up at the ceiling as you pace. Your mind’s swirling with thoughts, spiralling you deeper and deeper as you think over the case.
How did you miss it?
Of course he would sneak up behind you.
How are you still on the team? None of them even like you.
There’s a knock at the door. You go to answer and open the door to the sight of your unit chief. He’s not in the suit he was in a few hours ago, exchanging it for a pair of jeans and a t-shirt with a button up.
“Hey Hotch,” you greet, spitting aside and turning the lights on to let your boss in. You both sit down on the small sofa in the corner. “What’s up?”
“I should be the one asking you that question,” he replies. You sigh. “You’ve been snappy with the local PD, barely interacted with anyone on this case, and you pulled away from Reid when everyone knows you two are joined at the hip. What’s going on?”
The last thing Hotch expected when he walked into your hotel room was to watch you cry. He thought you might blow up, get angry and tell him to mind his own business. Instead, you start crying, leaning back and covering you face with you hands. Hotch moves over, a fatherly instinct kicking in and gently places an arm around your shoulders, rubbing your arm.
You stay like this for a while, Hotch letting you cry it all out until you’ve calmed down enough to tell him what’s going on.
“I…I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” you sniff out, muffled by Hotch’s jacket. He frowns a little.
“What do you mean?” He asks gently.
“Nothing’s exciting anymore. I need…I need help, Hotch.”
It’s a whisper of a confession, as though saying it aloud made it all too real. Saying it makes you realise you can’t run from this feeling anymore. Hotch’s heart tightens. This is you, the second youngest on the team, someone he sees as his kid. You’re hurting and Hotch had disregarded it.
“I’m sorry,” he says into your hair, planting a kiss on the top of your head. “I’m sorry I didn’t notice.” There’s a deafening silence. “I’m glad you’re asking for help. I can set up a meeting with Dr Alex when we’re back for you, if you want. Or if you want to go to someone else, we can help with that too. Just don’t think you’re alone, please. You’re far from it.” He pulls away and looks you in the eyes. “You’ve got Dave, Derek, Emily, JJ, Penelope, me, and Spencer. You’ve got all of us. We’re not going anywhere.”
You smile and pull him into a proper hug.
“Thanks, Hotch.”