Work Text:
“Wait, our biggest yet?!” Chris exclaimed, eyes widening in surprise
Pär nodded as he types away on his laptop, he was currently working on an email he had been sent about purchasing extra t-shirts and goodies for the fans. “It looks that way,” he said simply.
Tommy chuckled behind Chris, he was sitting on the couch currently brushing his long blonde hair with Joakim who was sitting off to the side playing World of Tanks on his switch. “You sound worried, Chris” he mused, clearly joking “You scared?” a playful tease.
Chris swallowed hard and shook his head, forcing a cheerful laugh and smile, “Pah, what? Me? Scared? No!” he spoke confidently.
However, deep inside Chris was steadily getting nervous about the whole thing and he didn’t really know why.
I mean, why should he? Haven’t they done large shows before? Why would this one be so different?
Never mind that, Chris decided that he’d better just suck it up and continue.
He approached Tommy, ready to tickle him, so as to help keep his mind off of it.
Tommy laughed as Chris got close and prepared to defend himself, “No, no, no!” he cried as Chris plunged himself and ruthlessly tickled Tommy, making the younger laugh out loud and squirm as he tried to get away.
Joakim looked over at the two and laughed, “You two are the worst” he joked
Hannes came into the room after taking a shower and eyed Tommy and Chris, “Having fun?” he asked, amused
Chris shouted out while laughing, “Yep!” as he continued to tickle Tommy.
Somehow, he managed to overpower him and now Tommy was hovering on top of Chris tickling him! Chris laughed hard as he was mercilessly tickled.
Pär looked over at the four in front of him from his desk, “Alright come on, we’ve got work to do…” he spoke softly yet sternly, he wanted to get all the work needed for this next show done as quickly as possible, as that required everyone to do their parts.
Everyone made a collective sigh, but agreed and went their separate ways to begin their work.
- - -
Chris had been sitting at his desk in his office for over an hour now, and he blankly stared at the computer screen in front of him.
He was supposed to write in two separate documents, one where he would have to write the setlist of what songs they’d be playing at the gig and the other one…
I-….
Chris scratched at the back of his head, puzzled.
‘What was this other one for…?’ he thought to himself as he looked at the word document.
He felt lightheaded, he’d been at his desk for over three hours and felt like he hadn’t completed anything since he first sat down.
This wasn’t like him, he doesn’t usually lose control of his sense of time, and he’s usually so diligent with all his work.
Chris felt tears prick at his eyes, he pushed the laptop away from him and covered his eyes with his hands.
He was trembling as he cried pitifully into his hands, he could feel his heart rate go higher and higher, he felt so fucking useless right now.
He felt that if Joakim saw him like this that he’d get ridiculed and shamed,
‘Can’t take the heat, Chris?’
‘Why’d you even join, to begin with?’
He could hear this version of Joakim in his head mocking him and it made things worse, he could now hear his pulse in his ears and tried to hold back the tears and reach for the laptop.
However, as he did a wave of dizziness hit him so hard that he was knocked almost off balance for a second and felt like he would collapse in his chair.
Chris tried desperately to take in air and fill his lungs, but it felt like he was gasping like a fish out of water.
He couldn’t get any air in his lungs and the feeling of unsteadiness steadily grew.
Pär walked by Chris’ office, he was going to deliver a document to someone who was going to look over it before commencing any final approval on it.
That was, at least until he heard a loud crash, that made Pär stop in his tracks.
“Chris?” he exclaimed from behind the door, “Are you alright?”
No response.
“Chris are you alright?” he tried once more.
When he didn’t get any further responses, he got this sinking feeling that he should go in and see what that noise was all about.
As he stepped into the room, the first thing that greeted him was Chris who had fallen onto the floor in a half-seated position, shaking and unable to properly breathe.
Pär dropped the paper on the floor and quickly rushed over to his side.
“Chris? Chris, are you alright?” he gently asked, unsure of himself of what was happening.
When Chris shook his head, unable to talk because of the panic attack, he gripped Pär’s shirt hard, in a desperate attempt to ground himself.
It took Pär a few minutes to realize what was happening to Chris, and once he realized that he was experiencing a panic attack, he knew exactly what to do.
“It’s ok Chris, you can get through this, you’re strong, I know…” he spoke gently.
Chris responded with a whimper, still shaking.
“Is it ok if I can touch you?”
Chris nods.
Pär gently and slowly moves his hands to envelop Chris, he’s holding him close. “Ok Chris, I need you to focus on breathing slowly…” he began, he gently grabbed Chris’ hand and guided it to his own chest, just where his heart and lungs where.
“Can you feel my heartbeat?” he asks
Another nod.
“Ok, good… can you feel how I’m breathing?”
A nod.
“Ok, now try to breathe with me while I count, ok? One… Two… Three…” and on Pär went, breathing in slowly as he counted to ten, “Can you hold your breath for me? It’ll be for just a few seconds…” he asks, tentatively watching Chris’s reactions.
Chris nods hesitantly, “Ok…” Pär held his breath for three seconds, “Now slowly let it out, through your nose… slowly…” he instructed, and Chris followed.
As Pär was slowly getting Chris to breathe easily, unbeknownst to him a small crowd was forming at the door of onlookers who wanted to know what was happening.
This is what caught, Joakim and Hannes’ attention, “Hey, what’s going on?” Hannes called out to one of the onlookers.
“Isn’t that Chris’s office?” Asked Joakim, clearly confused.
As the duo got close to the small gathering of people, they pushed their way through and when they got close to the door’s entrance, there they saw Pär on the floor, sitting with a still shaking Chris.
Joakim knew that this wasn’t normal and instead of asking questions he immediately turned around and began to gently, albeit sternly, tell people to move along, Hannes joining him too, he knew that if Chris saw this that it would only make the situation worse.
“You’re doing such a good job, I’m proud of you…” spoke Pär as he caressed Chris’s tear-stained cheeks.
Chris was slowly starting to feel better, but not entirely.
“Tell me what you need…”
Chris bit his lip and struggled for a moment, “Y-Y-You… Stay, p-please…” he quietly pleaded.
“Alright, I’m here… I’m not leaving…” Pär answered.
Joakim and Hannes had finally managed to disperse the small crowd of people that had gathered but remained at the door as it’s silent guardians, keeping anyone away.
That was until Tommy came speed walking their way, “I heard what happened to Chris, is he alright?” He asked, clearly worried over his friend.
“Yes, he’s fine, Pär’s taking care of him…” Spoke Joakim, keeping his voice low
Tommy nodded keeping his voice low too, “Let me in, please… I want to see him…” he pleaded
Hannes turned around to look at Pär for confirmation, and when he found that the older man nodded, Hannes let him in, but not before whispering to Tommy, “Be predictable, avoid surprising him, he needs to calm down…”, and he nodded.
“Chris, Tommy’s coming in, he wants to help you,” Par said as he stroked Chris’s arm with one hand, “Is that ok?” he asked for confirmation.
Chris for a moment looked around and when he saw Tommy, he instantly felt so relieved to see his best friend, he managed a shaky “Yes…” followed with a nod.
Tommy gently sat next to Chris, in full view of him so that he wouldn’t be surprised, “Chris…” he began, voice low and gentle “I know that what you’re feeling is frightening…but it’s not dangerous…you’re ok…” he reassured him.
Chris nodded, as he absentmindedly followed along to Pär breathing.
Pär began to notice that he was steadily improving, as his breathing was no longer erratic, his grip wasn’t as strong as it was before, and the shaking was slowly dissipating.
Pär gently ran a hand through Chris’ sweaty forehead to wipe some of the sweat away with his sleeve, he pressed a small kiss on his forehead. “I’m so proud of you…” he stated.
Chris seemed to melt at the small kiss and the words of affirmation, it was helping him get better.
“Chris, do you want some water?” Tommy asked, “Or maybe, a tissue?”
“…W-Water…” Chris croaked out, his voice meek
Tommy handed him his bottle of unopened water, and opened the cap for him, Chris took it with both hands, still shaking slightly, and drank some of the water.
After he drank his fill, Pär cupped Chris’ face gently with his hands and looked at him, “Better?”
Chris shook his head, although he could feel himself get better, he didn’t entirely feel one-hundred percent himself again.
Pär nodded, “That’s ok… can you do something for me?” he asked
Chris shot him a puzzled look but did not reply.
“Tell me what five things you can see” Pär gently coaxed.
Chris paused for a moment and looked around, “Y-You… Tommy, Joakim, Hannes, a-and papers…” he said, as he looked at the papers on the floor.
“What about four things you can touch?” Tommy continued
Chris looked down at his hands, “The bottle, the floor, Pär, and the bottle cap…”
“Three things you can hear?”
Chris sighed, and both Tommy and Pär noticed that he was steadily relaxing, beginning to focus more on the things around him.
“Pär’s voice, my voice, and Tommy’s voice…”
“Two things you can smell?”
That made Chris stop and actually smell around him, “Pär’s cologne and my clean hair…”
“One thing you can taste?”
Chris looked at the bottle, “Water”.
Tommy smiled, “Good job, Chris… how do you feel now?” he asked, tentative of Chris’ body language.
He nodded slowly, and looked on tiredly at his two friends, “Better…” he finally managed.
“Good job” Pär congratulated him, “Now… if you don’t mind me asking…” he began, stopping for a moment to analyze how Chris reacted, “…what happened?” he finished.
Chris looked down, unable to meet both of their gazes, “I…” he bit his lip, “You know how you said that the next show was our biggest…?” he asked.
Pär nodded, “Yes, why?”.
Chris’ gaze moved to the bottle in his hands, he looked at the colorless liquid, “…I-…I don’t know why, but I got really worked up over it… a-and…I-“ he stopped himself, not wanting to continue.
“…and you got nervous?” suggested Pär, to which Chris nodded.
Tommy hummed in acknowledgment, “I get the same way too Chris, I know… it’s a lot of responsibility but…” he paused, “What’s bothering you isn’t the gig; it’s the thought” he analyzed.
Chris thought of what Tommy said and nodded before he continued again, “…a-and… I got really worked up about it… and then this happened…” he gestured to himself, his cheeks flushed a soft pink in embarrassment.
“That’s alright, sometimes it happens…” Pär assured, “…but why, though?” he asked.
Chris sighed, “I- I got worried that… that Joakim would ridicule me... or even shame me for getting freaked out over something so small…” Chris confessed.
This caused Joakim to turn around in shock, he was about to say something, but Hannes stopped him by placing a hand on his shoulder.
“Why would you think that Joakim would do that?” Tommy asked.
Chris shrugged, still refusing to look at any of them, “I don’t know… probably because… maybe he’d feel like I could ‘take the heat’ “ he suggested.
Pär shook his head and gently touched Chris’s hands, “Joakim would never think that way of you… let alone any of us…” Pär assured him with a gentle squeeze.
“Yeah, as Pär said, Joakim cares about us, he’d never say that…” Tommy added.
Chris’ cheeks were still pink from embarrassment, he cautiously looked up and made eye contact with Joakim, he knew that his friends were correct but he needed to hear it from him to make sure.
Joakim seemed to get the message and approached Chris slowly so as to not startle him, he got down to his level, “I would never think of that, Chris…” he spoke gently, it hurt him to have to hear from his own friend that Chris would think something like that.
Chris bit his lip and looked away, “I’m sorry…” was all he said.
Joakim looked at him, “It’s alright...can I hug you?” he asked, Chris nodded.
Joakim embraced his friend in a gentle hug that slowly got stronger, “I would never, and I mean never think of something like that Chris, I cherish you, you’re my friend, alright?” Chris nodded and hugged Joakim back, not trusting himself to speak he remained quiet.
Hannes stepped into the room and finally shut the door behind him, there was no one outside who would bother them so they could all have a moment together.
“Chris, we all love you, and care about you man, we would never think that, ok?” He reassured.
“Yeah, and if you ever need any help you can always ask us…” Tommy added.
“You can always count on us Chris, we’re like a family, after all…” Pär finished.
Joakim pulled away from the hug to look at Chris, his green eyes full of empathy for Chris, “I’m sorry if I ever did anything to make you feel that way Chris, please forgive me?” his voice ever so gentle with him.
Chris simply nodded and cried happily as he hugged Joakim once more, with the others steadily joining in for a group hug.
A family that sticks together through thick and thin, stays together.