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I grinned as I lay on my death bed. My pillow was so soft, alluring me and pulling me into its despair. The burning pain on my arms was nothing compared to my aching heart - the worst pain I have ever have - and ever will feel in my entirety 21 years of living. After all, I’m going to be dead in a matter of minutes. The scarlet red blood flowed painfully from the cuts on my arms as I shifted comfortably in my bed at the manor.
My breathing got heavy and my skin was pale white. It took everything I had not to scream out in pain. What a joke. The famous painter, Edgar Valden, dying in such a pitiful way because of my lover. It was but a funny joke. Life had failed to deliver me a purpose, though I’m not complaining. What is life beyond death? Oh, Balsa, how I wish to see you again.... however, I am too close to death to pull back.
Ah. I feel something warm caressing my cheek. It’s such a familiar touch, yet it feels as if they don’t know me at all, as if it was just out of pity. I weakly reached out and held the hand gently, my pale arms barely managing to hold the position. It was Luca. His hand felt so soft on my face. It felt so warm and close. I felt the warmth of his lips on mine, and he pulled me into a deep kiss.
But he was just a figment of my imagination, as I was already dead by then.
“Valden?”
The painter turned around hesitantly, wanting to be left alone. Don’t look. He didn’t want to talk to anyone. Get out of there. He didn’t want to be disturbed. Run. He wanted but one thing. To fall off the balcony he stood on, and lay down lifelessly, letting a beautiful scarlet-red liquid seep out from inside of him; something that so happened to be called blood. To turn into a stiff corpse would be a blessing to him. The Edgar Valden, worth more than anyone else at the manor, to die a horrendous death - could be painted into a beautiful picture, one that would tell the story of an uncompleted book. One that will never be completed.
”What?” The small beautiful boy’s brunette hair bounced with his motion to turn around and see who had dared to call him. His blue, crystallized eyes could captivate anyone who stared into them long enough. His pale, yet beautiful and shiny skin was so soft to the touch. His hands were so gentle. He was the depiction of beautiful. He was never able to capture his own beauty on a painting. But after all, looks aren’t everything, which you can tell by his awful and rotten personality.
“What... what is this?” Luca held what seemed to be a piece of paper in his hand, and clutched it tightly, making it crumple slightly. He hadn’t the same mischievous grin he always wore. “This picture.” He would shake it and hold it up for the boy to see. Edgar’s eyes widened when he saw it - it was one of his possessions, one that should have been tucked away in his room, without access to anyone. It was merely a picture that was taken of two guys posing for the camera, both smiling. “This is... us, isn’t it? Can you tell me what this means?”
Valden immediately walked up to him and snatched the picture from Balsa’s hands, glaring daggers at him. He didn’t know how or why he had found this picture... but nothing good will come from talking to Luca further. He had been avoiding him since he arrived at the manor - after he had realized Luca, his former lover, hadn’t remembered a single thing about him. Not the memories they shared, not the kisses they shared, not the touch that they could never pull away from. Nothing.
”You... you know me from the past right?” Luca pulled on Edgar’s arm forcefully in desperation as soon as the painter had tried to go back inside. “The invention... please tell me, what was the invention I was working on! Something so very important that I shouldn’t have forgotten...!” At this point Luca had grabbed both of Edgar’s shoulders. Edgar just smiled the saddest smile, which made Luca pull back.
“So that’s what you care about. Typical, from a lowlife like you.” How cruel. He finally finds someone related to his past, his lover at that... and he asks about an invention he was working on, instead of urging about the person themself. But why... why hidden he feel so hurt? He knew that Luca had forgotten his past, and would never remember... but why did he give himself false hope? Why did he let himself down? “I’m done here.”
He was about to leave, but was stopped by Luca once more, he was pulled back. “I’m not going to tell you, why don’t you understand? Are you that much of an idiot? Leave me alone, because I want nothing to do with you! Un-hand me right now-!” He blinked once, and he was pinned up against the wall by the other man. His arms were held against the wall by him, and Luca’s leg pushed it’s way in between Edgar’s thighs. No matter how much the painter struggled, he couldn’t get out of the inventor’s strong grasp. Their height difference sure made an impact at this moment. “Let me go, you twat!”
“What was our relationship back then?”
Of course, Edgar knew the answer to this was simple. Lovers. They were lovers, way back when... before Luca had been sent to prison for the murder of his master, before he had been invited to the manor.... before he had lost all of his memories. They were close lovers, as if nothing could tear them apart. Edgar frequently made rude remarks, though he didn’t mean it, and Luca knew that, because he knew the painter cared about him a lot. So of course he responded...
”Our families were rich and happened to be close to each other, so we sometimes visited each other. That’s all. We were mere acquaintances, nothing more. I have no idea what the invention you want to know so badly was about.” He lied so harshly, as if he was forcing himself to believe in the lie he had just told. Though it was true that he didn’t know what invention he was making, he did know that he spent hours working on it each day however.
”So that’s it huh...”
“Now goodbye, Balsa.” While Luca was distracted by his own thoughts, Edgar easily managed to push him away, the force Luca had used to pin him against the wall almost completely disappearing. The inventor wanted to say something... but nothing came out. He winced, holding his head. His body was trying to remember something, something faint and blurry... but it couldn’t. He just shook it off and returned back to his own room.
Unfair.
So unfair. For Luca to forget about him, and then try and talk to him about forgetting. It was torturing Edgar’s heart. But it felt warm... Luca had barely talked to him since he arrived. He was always in his own business, talking to the other people, inside of a match or off on his own making some inventions. He hugged his pillow, thinking maybe Luca would try to get close again, out of pity for forgetting his friend.
It’s already too late, you idiot.
Ever since then, Valden hadn’t left his own room. Except when he was forced into a match, of course. Though when he was, he didn’t communicate at all with his teammates - just decoded, saved, kited, and escaped or lost - then returning back to his room once the game was over. This went on for about 2 weeks, until Luca had enough of his behaviour. So he barged into Edgar’s room, and Edgar immediately looked at him in surprise.
He clicked his tongue in annoyance. “Who invited the idiot here, I wonder? I’m positive I didn’t.”
”I did.”
“That’s nice. Now I’m inviting you to leave.” On that note, Luca closed the door behind him, and Edgar immediately stood up. “I said you can leave,” He urged, putting down his paintbrush and paints on the table beside him, having been working on a painting until the man had barged into his room unannounced, without permission at that.
”Why have you been avoiding me?” Luca got straight to the point, no diddly daddling or dancing around the issue. “You haven’t said a single word to me when I try to talk to you. Not eating, not in a match, nothing.”
”I’m sure that’s not a problem to you, seeing as before lately you had completely ignored me of all my being unless we were in a match together.”
He scoffed in return, wishing for the prisoner to just begone at that very moment. “I.. I’m sorry.” Edgar didn’t expect Lucas to up and apologize, which made him direct all his attention to his words. “I don’t remember about how we met, or what we talked about together, or how close we were at all...” he stopped, and scratched his head. Edgar just glared. “It must have been painful, right?” He flinched. “I can’t imagine... the pain of being forgotten by a close friend. You must have been in pain because of me, right?” Edgar don’t know why, but he felt his face heat up, and his vision cloud, as tears formed in his eyes, daring to roll down his cheek - he suppressed the urge to cry. “So... I want to make it up to you...
“Do you want to become friends, Edgar Valden?”
He held out his hand, and waited for a response. After that, Edgar bursted into tears - it was as if he couldn’t control himself. He didn’t want Luca to see him cry. He wanted to scream and shout at him to get out. He wanted to throw him out the door himself. But he didn’t have the energy, and could do nothing but cry. So Luca walked over to him, and pulled the short boy into his arms, trapping him in a gentle hug. Edgar of course, didn’t hug him back, and his arms were just dangling by his thighs. He stayed like that, until he ended up crying himself to sleep, and Luca lay him down gently on the bed. And since that day....
“Eddie! do you wanna play a game?”
”Eddie! do you wanna share this slice of pie?”
”Eddieee!”
”What the bloody hell do you want from me, Balsa?! You’ve been clinging onto me day after day, and keep pursuing me wherever I go!” Edgar shook his arm, getting rid of the Luca that had been clinging on to it. He had no idea what his deal was, but he wouldn’t leave Edgar alone. “And stop calling me “Eddie”! It’s cringe and I have a name of my own, called Edgar Valden!”
”You should just call me Luca~” the inventor pouted, putting his hands on his hips. “No, now get out of my space, I’m trying to head back to my room.” Edgar pushed Luca out of the way and made his way to the dormitory. “Aw come on Eddie, don’t be stingy! Come on!” He followed closely behind, and made remarks, but Valden ignored all of them completely. “Why don’t we dance a little?” Edgar clicked his tongue, getting annoyed at Luca’s persistent attitude. “Come on~ oh, I see! You’re a bad dancer, and don’t want to embarrass yourself!”
Uh oh. “Excuse me?” Edgar turned around, and Luca gulped, taking a step back. “You think I, the amazing Edgar Valden, am a bad dancer? You think I, who have been taking private dancing lessons since I was 5, am a bad dancer?” Luca knew he was in for it, but wanted to make Edgar take the bait into dancing.
“So what if I do?” Luca grinned. “Are you going to prove it? Unless you’re too scared you’ll fail, of course.” Edgar flushed, and immediately took both of Luca’s arms. “And I’ll lead. Be careful not to step on my feet.” He hissed. Though the other boy just grinned, nodding. Mission success.
They spent the rest of the night dancing together in the quiet hallway, not a single person having passed by - well, they all had their own business to attend to - though when the occasional person passed by, Edgar would try and hide behind the corner to not be seen with Luca, but Luca would pulled him back because he didn’t care if anyone saw them.
”Your eyes are pretty.”
”I know. A bit late to try and compliment them, after we’ve been together for the past 7 months.” Edgar snarled, as to which Luca protested.
”You really are gorgeous, Edgar.” Edgar stopped, and covered his face, trying to hide the blush that burned up against his skin. “O-of course I am.” Edgar said, but Luca saw the blush on his ears and grinned. He would take both of Edgar’s hands and clasp them in his, staring into his beautiful blue eyes.
“I want to kiss you.”
That surprised Edgar more than anything. He thought he heard something incorrectly, and blinked twice. Because there’s no way someone could fall in love with the same person twice... right? It was too surreal. Edgar had said he would give up on Luca a long time ago. So why... why did his face light up as if he was the happiest dog in the world, presented with a big treat? Why was his face burning red, blushing so hard he was starting to overheat?
“You’re- lying.” That was all he could say before Luca’s lips pressed up against his. Edgar wanted to pull back, but he couldn’t help but be drawn in. He couldn’t stop the passionate feeling as they shared their warmth through lips. Edgar felt Luca’s tongue infiltrate his mouth, and it wrestled around with his own. Luca immediately pushed away, much to Edgar’s disliking. He would take Edgar’s hand and pull it, leading them both somewhere. “Where?” He would ask, but got no response. Annoyed, he asked again. “I said, where?”
He was given an answer when they arrived at Luca’s room - they immediately went inside, and Luca locked the door behind him. It was all too sudden. “I won’t let you run away.” Luca said with a grin. Edgar responded with a smirk, as he sat down in Luca’s bed. “As if I would.”
Luca immediately stripped his clothes, and Edgar couldn’t help but watch. Luca was so... beautiful. Yes, he was so gorgeous, and he was taken aback, realizing that he was going to be allowed to keep him for himself... Luca pushed Edgar on to the bed, and licked his ear teasingly, which made Edgar turn bright red - Luca found that quite cute, coming from the devil himself. He continued licking, and plastered kisses from his chest down all the way to Edgars....
They both lay down in Luca’s bed together, and Luca cuddled up to Edgar closely - he, however, was pouting.
”Don’t be like that, I’m sorry!~”
“It hurt.” Edgar kicked Luca’s leg off of his.
”I’m sorry Eddie, I couldn’t control myself!”
”Tch.”
They stayed silent for a while.
”Edgar.”
”What, Balsa?”
“Call me Luca.”
“...what, Balsa?”
”Ahaha... I’m sorry for forgetting about you.”
Edgar flinched, and turned around, to look at Luca straight in the eyes. He was smiling of course... but it was apologetic, and he seemed sincerely sorry. He knew he had hurt Edgar deeply. He didn’t think he’d fall this deep in love with the person he forgot... or maybe he had been in love with him since the beginning. “You mustn’t forget again.” Edgar said sternly, turning back around. “Okay,”
Luca stood up, and took a piece of paper from a shelf, as well as a pen. He sat down at his desk, and Edgar sat up curiously while he watched him. After that, he began dragging the pen across the lined paper, writing something in it. “What are you writing?” He didn’t dare get up, because he knew his backside would hurt terribly.
”A letter to myself about us.” Edgar was confused. Why was there a need to do that? Unless... “You don’t want to forget, right?” Luca nodded. He had already pained Edgar a great deal, just from forgetting... if he wrote it down, he could read it again and again and again, never to part from it, even if it was erased from his very own memory. “You idiot, how could you forget me a 2nd time?” Luca shook his head, and then pulled out a camera from his drawer. “Let’s take a picture!”
Edgar glared at him. “Are you an idiot? I look absolutely terrible right now.” He scoffed as well, but Luca responded unconcerned. ”Don’t be like that, it’s for the memories!” He sat down on the bed beside them, and snapped a picture of them with their messy bed head in their pyjamas - Edgar was sure he didn’t want anyone to ever find that picture of the two boys.
“That way I’ll never forget, until death pulls us apart. I promise you, Edgar.”
You were always such a terrible liar, Luca. Maybe that’s why I’m but a lifeless corpse; but perhaps you would have remembered us for the 2nd time if you had just read the letter you wrote to yourself.
Goodbye, Luca. Curse you.