Archive of Our Own

Driver’s License

I was lying down on my bed in the room I shared with Ushijima, at the Olympics Village. I had been enduring being around everyone for a few hours, and I needed a break. My headphones were firmly on my ears, my eyes closed, hoping to block everything around me. I had been listening to this stupid song for a while, and I was desperately hoping not to cry, but I couldn’t get myself to stop the song.

I didn’t want to cry here of all places. It had been years since I had broken up with Hinata. We had gotten together right before National’s in our first year. We stayed together even when Hinata chose to go to Brazil. When he came back, that’s when everything went to shit.

I got my driver's license last week
Just like we always talked about
'Cause you were so excited for me
To finally drive up to your house
But today I drove through the suburbs
Crying 'cause you weren't around

Standing together at the Olympics had been their dream. To stand on an International stage, together. Even though they had done it, it wasn’t him Hinata had been holding hands with.

When Hinata came back, I had wished we could be together in the sense on the same team, but Hinata had said he wanted to finally go up against me. I didn’t really see why he had wanted it with so much conviction, but I had never been the best at reading social queues. He, him. I had always understood him. That had truly been the first time I didn’t understand why he was so adamant. I should’ve known.

And you're probably with that blonde boy
Who always made me doubt
He's so much older than me
He's everything I'm insecure about

Miya Atsumu, one of the best setters I had ever had the privilege to both play with and against. When they played against each other for the first time, I hadn’t expected him to be so fixated on Hinata. I had been both proud that Hinata’s skills were acknowledged, but I had been jealous of a setter suddenly wanting to play with my spiker.

He was everything I was not. He had always been better at speaking to others. Even though the Karasuno members had been wary, he had been able to make them like him in but a few hours, while it had taken me months to earn everyone’s trust. He was handsome and knew exactly how to charm others the way he wanted to. I should’ve been more wary when I heard Hinata had chosen his team to try and defeat me. I didn’t, mostly because Hinata had begun to distract me the moment his name came into their conversations.

And I know we weren't perfect, but I've never felt this way for no one
And I just can't imagine how you could be so okay now that I'm gone
Guess you didn't mean what you wrote in that song about me
'Cause you said forever, now I drive alone past your street

When I broke up with Hinata, he had been angry. He threw anything and everything he could find, screaming at me about how much he loved me. I had been contemplating the idea for months, and finally found the resolve after realising I was just tying him down. He had been screaming, crying hysterically, demanding an explanation, all the while saying he couldn’t imagine a life without me by his side.

I wasn’t stupid though. I knew the extra practices he was doing with Atsumu wasn’t just to get better at syncing together. I could smell when Hinata came back a bit in a rush and tried to hide it by immediately showering. The smell of cum was always strong enough for me to recognize it, no matter how fast he ran towards the bathroom. I could even taste it sometimes, when he was too absent-minded, and forgot to brush his teeth in the shower.

And all my friends are tired
Of hearing how much I miss you, but
I kinda feel sorry for them
'Cause they'll never know you the way that I do

No one understood why we had broken up. A lot of them had tried to get me to tell them why I suddenly ended it. There was even a few that broke our friendship because of how angry they were with me.

I never told them about the nights I stayed up waiting for him only to realise he never came back home. I never told them about the times I would shower on my own, sobbing about how cruel he was to cheat yet continue to tell me he loved me. I never told them about the rings I had saved up so much money for, still sitting in one of the kitchen drawers where I had known he would’ve never looked in.

They all perceived me as a monster, and only the people on my team were there for me. They had seen the way I had been miserable months prior to the breakup. They probably saw my red-rimmed eyes after a night spent waiting for a lover who never came home; the tremble in my hands when I got a message from him telling me he had extra practice and to not wait up.

Hoshiumi would get me to set to him when he saw the trembles. He would then casually invite me out to eat, where I spent hours listening to him tell me countless stories of whatever he could think of. I would come back home better and was usually too exhausted to cry about the cold space in the bed.

Wakatoshi would get me pain killers and a compress for my eyes on the days I had spent the prior night crying my eyes out. When his life-long partner, Satori, was home, he would invite me to their house to taste-test recipes he was experimenting. I would then cook along with the older, while Wakatoshi would clean up behind us. They would drive me back home, and if Hinata’s car wasn’t parked, they would come up with me to stay a few hours more with me, either until Hinata came back, or when I received a message telling me he wasn’t coming back home soon for whatever reason.

Romero would take me around Tokyo in his car for hours, with multiple stops randomly. I would speak in Japanese to get him better at understanding, while he would speak in both English and Spanish for me to further improve both languages. We would usually stay at tourist’s sites, where I would learn of the history and listen to him try and read what was written on pamphlets and murals.

None of them ever asked me what was wrong, but I’m sure they figured it wasn’t all rainbows and sunshine with Hinata. When I broke up with him, they had made sure that if anyone ever said anything about me, whether to my face or behind my back, they would be there to defend me. I never told them about Atsumu, but when Wakatoshi had seen Atsumu and Hinata holding hands at one of the first practices with the National team, he had been furious. He had told my team, since suddenly they were around me all the time. He was going to ask them if they were together, but Kuroo had been the one to ask Atsumu, who had assured Hinata and him weren’t together, at least not yet.

I knew it was a matter of time before they got together. After all, Hinata wasn’t tied up to me anymore. He could be with him without hurting anyone.

Red lights, stop signs
I still see your face in the white cars, front yards
Can't drive past the places we used to go to
'Cause I still fucking love you, babe
Sidewalks we crossed
I still hear your voice in the traffic
We're laughing over all the noise
God, I'm so blue, know we're through
But I still fucking love you, babe

 I knew I wasn’t missed, but god how much did I miss him. I miss hearing his laughter, I miss his hands gripping mine, I miss having him by my side.

I know we weren’t perfect, but I hadn’t expected him to have been cheating on me since the start of our relationship.

I figured he had started to cheat on me around the time Atsumu visited him in Brazil, but I never expected that while I was packing his bags for him after my resolve to breakup, I would find out how wrong I was about how much I had been in an unloving relationship.

I found the letters and e-mails and messages they had been sending each other since our first year of high school. I found the pictures they took together in multiple places Hinata and I had dates at. I found the pictures he took of Atsumu back in Brazil, when he assured me, I was the only one who had been invited to his home.

How could I possibly go out there, and be subjected to their love, when my love had been taken for granted? I could see some of my old friends looking at me as though I shouldn’t feel like shit when seeing them together, and yeah maybe I broke up with him while not telling anyone why, but it doesn’t mean I can’t feel like shit.

I never told Hinata why I broke up with him, only packed his bags for him and put them in his car despite his protests. When he tried to enter the house, he realised I had already changed the locks. It was my house anyways, so he had no right to get mad.

I was crying, I could feel the sobs trying to break out of me, but I wouldn’t let myself make any noises in case Wakatoshi came back early.

I hadn’t anticipated Hinata barging in the door though. I immediately reached for a towel, letting the song continue to play in my ears since I couldn’t reach my phone that was on my bag further away. I didn’t move much in the hopes Hinata hadn’t seen me move, but I knew it was pointless when he called my name. Tears were still streaming down my face, so I hope he didn’t try and take it from me.

“Tobio, why are you still here? Come out and have a drink with the Karasuno gang!”

“No thanks.”

“Oh c’mon, we finally have everyone from our first year at the same place at the same time and you’re here wanting to sleep? Tobio- “

“Hinata. I don’t want to go.”

That should shut him up. I know that me saying his name in such an unfamiliar way has been hurting him ever since we have been practicing together, but I just wasn’t comfortable with him anymore. I could hear him getting a bit antsy, waiting for me to speak again, so I just sighed and stood up while turning my back to him and walking to the bathroom.

“I don’t want to be somewhere where I won’t feel welcomed. Just go and give Wakatoshi his key card back.”

Right before closing the bathroom door, Hinata put his foot in the gap. He was trying to push with all his might, and since I had been surprised at his actions, he was able to open it. I immediately hid my face with the towel.

“Hinata, get the fuck out of here- “

“Obviously, you aren’t going to feel welcomed, they all saw how I was after you broke up with me out of the blue! Wakatoshi-san acts as though I’m a piece of shit, I had to literally beg for his stupid key card so I could come here and finally dispel the weird tension between us- “

“It’s not weird tension. We broke up, obviously we aren’t going to be close. There’s nothing to dispel when we still click while playing together.”

“Tobi- “

“Stop calling me Tobio. We aren’t together, stop being so familiar with me- “

“We were friends too! I have every right to still call you Tobio!!”

I could feel a headache coming. Hinata was screaming almost as loud as that night. I could still hear that stupid song playing, making me want to cry again. I had stopped crying right when the bathroom, but I knew my eyes must be red.

I took a deep breath, figuring Wakatoshi was going to come up soon, and was going to help me in getting Hinata out of the room-

“It’s not about having rights, it’s about the fact I don’t want to hear you call my fucking name. Now get the fuck out of this bathroom!”

I could feel Hinata deflating and hoped he would go on his own. I wasn’t expecting him yet again, to suddenly move towards me. He gripped my shoulders, turned me around and slammed my back against the wall. In doing so, the towel dropped, and my earphones had fallen on my shoulders, making the music audible for both Hinata and I. I gasped a bit, since the wind had just been knocked out of me, while Hinata startled while looking at my face.

He was going to try and speak; I could see it. But I was done in letting him get the upper hand.

“Hinata. Get your fucking hands off me. Right. Now.”

He let go, but his eyes looked determined. I knew he was going to finally try and confront me, but I just wasn’t up for it.

“Hinata. I don’t know what you want me to tell you, so I’ll just tell you this. I didn’t break up with you because of who you are, or whatever the fuck you feel insecure about. I broke up with you because I am done with our relationship. It wasn’t going anywhere, and I was moving to Italy anyways. I didn’t want to drag our relationship like you did when you were in Brazil. So, get over me. Go out and get yourself a boyfriend. I heard Atsumu-san telling Kuroo-san about how he liked you, so stop trying to get anything out of me.”

I was panting, while my eyes were filling up with tears. I just wanted him to be happy. The comment about him dragging our relationship was, I hope, the jab it would take for him to leave me alone. I didn’t realise it would just get him angrier enough to stay.

He looked at me with his fists clenched at his sides and stepped as close to me as possible. I was already fully leaning on the wall behind me, so I was trapped. I could feel his breath on the front of my neck, so to stop myself in doing something stupid, I looked up at the ceiling.

“Why were you crying while listening to a sad song? It doesn’t make sense Tobio, you’re acting as though I broke up with you instead of the other way around! Wakatoshi-san fucking hates me, Hoshiumi-san refuses to help me more than strictly necessary and even Heiwajima, the libero from your old team, looks at me as though I’m the most repulsive person on earth! I can’t ever be alone with you at practice, there’s always one of those three around to keep an eye on us, and when I try and talk about anything unrelated to volleyball you’re suddenly whisked away- “

I couldn’t listen to him speak about that anymore. I was done. I looked down at him, tears streaming down my face, making him abruptly stop speaking. He looked gobsmacked, confused probably as to why I was crying when he was speaking about his experiences. I pushed him away, making him stumble out of the bathroom. I continued to push him away when I started to speak, trying to lead him towards the entrance.

“You’re treated badly? What about me, uh?! Everyone looks at me like I’m a fucking monster! Bokuto-san hates spiking my tosses, and sometimes even gets so mad at me I end up crying in the bathroom after a practice session with him. Kuroo-san always insults me, and all posts promoting me always get less likes because he doesn’t make any effort in them! Suga-san doesn’t speak to me anymore, unless I apologize for breaking his poor baby’s heart, Daichi-san acts as though I don’t exist, Noya-san acts as though I beat you up or something, Tanaka-san didn’t even want to invite me to his fucking wedding! Yachi still speaks to me sometimes, but I can see how guilty she feels about it! Tsukishima speaks to me just to insult me, calling me King as though I was the worst human being on earth, and Yamaguchi hasn’t spoken to me since the breakup! The only people I have left are from my old team, and surprisingly Sakusa-san and Iwaizumi-san are nice to me, that’s it! You’re complaining, but I’m being fucking hated!”

Hinata suddenly got over his shock of being pushed around since he stood his ground and grabbed my wrists after I tried pushing him again. I was sobbing loudly, and tried getting away, but he kept on getting closer to me. He looked sad, and had tears in his eyes, but I was done feeling as though he had to be happy when I was hurting so much. I finally just slid on the floor on my knees with him still holding onto my wrists and saw through my blurry vision him on his knees too.

“Tobio, if you’re hurting so much from breaking up with me, then let me show you how much I miss you. Tobio please just listen to me, I just want to know what I did wrong so I can get better and we can get back together ok?”

I was sobbing, I just didn’t want to hear his lies anymore, but I didn’t have the courage to get him to leave. At this point, I just hoped Wakatoshi could come save me, but I knew it was pointless. I took a deep breath to get myself to calm down, but I couldn’t breathe.

I was hyperventilating.

My heart felt as though it would burst out of my chest.

I couldn’t hear Hinata’s voice, though I could see he was talking to me still.

I didn’t want to listen to him.

I just- how am I supposed to get better when I still love him so much? He broke my heart in thousands of pieces, but I ended up staying with him for months even after knowing he was cheating on me.

And here he was, sitting in front of me, practically begging me to tell him what went wrong so we could get back together like before.

I wish I could do that. I wish I could beg him to tell me why my love wasn’t enough. Why instead of breaking my heart earlier by getting with Atsumu back in high school he ended up stringing me along for years on end. I wish I could know what was wrong with me. I wish he could’ve had the guts to break up with me instead of me having to break up with him for my own sanity, only for me to lose the friendship of the closest people around me.

I suddenly felt my hands being grabbed by bigger ones. They were unfamiliar, but I knew without looking they were the hands of a setter. The skin was rough yet smooth, identical patches of rough skin as mines. The person suddenly made me stand up, only for them to sit on my bed, and bringing me on their lap. They held me close and were whispering things in my ear. I was sobbing but I could feel my breath slowly coming back to me.

I could hear Hinata screaming something about not understanding my reaction, demanding answers, while a lower voice I couldn’t identify was telling him to get out of the room. The person holding me wasn’t speaking but they were rocking from side to side, rubbing my back with one of their hands, while the other was holding my neck, and was twirling a hair strand.

I felt another presence suddenly sitting besides the one holding me, and the other stranger held me by my waist while the new person rubbed my back up and down, letting me cry.

I could suddenly hear more clearly, and that stupid song was still playing. For some reason, it brought me back to reality, enough for me to squirm a bit, indicating I wanted to stand up.

The person rubbing my back took the headphones from around ma neck, and got up, going towards what was most probably my bag to put them down. The person I was sitting grabbed my right leg, and made me extend it, doing the same for the other, and wrapped them around his waist.

I blushed a bit and heard the other laughing. It made me feel better, and I could feel myself stop crying, and just sighed around his neck. The other mystery person seemed to have gone to the bathroom, but they came back with something they set down on the nightstand. They left soon after.

The only person left patted my back a bit and leaned towards the nightstand. They took something there and made me lean a bit back.

“Close your eyes.”

I felt like I knew this person, but I was too exhausted to figure it out, so I just did as I was told, closing my eyes. I felt what was probably a washcloth rubbing against my face, to clean it from the tear tracks. There was then a tissue pressed against my nose. I was going to try and take it myself but the other just tutted a bit, and I sighed before blowing my nose. Other tissues were brought to my nose until I didn’t have any snot left. The washcloth was brought up again, but the person put it on my eyes before bringing me towards their necks.

I sighed, for some reason finally at peace.

I was contemplating just sleeping a bit before someone started pounding on the door. I flinched a bit, and was going to look up, but the other person just kept their hands on my neck, making it as I wouldn’t be able to move. I just snuggled a bit closer, and just listened.

“Tobio, why did you panic?! I need to know that you’re okay. We need to finish this conversation, or we’ll never be able to move forward- don’t fucking look at me like that, I didn’t even do anything! Wakatoshi-san, I swear! He just started crying on his own, I have no idea why- “

Wakatoshi probably said something since the voices were getting further away from the door. I sighed yet again, and the other person just squeezed me closer.

“Tobio-chan, want to talk about it or do you want me to get someone else? Or do you just want to sleep a bit in my lap?”

Ah. I was on Oikawa’s lap. Now that I think about it, Oikawa had his room right across from mine, so he probably heard the argument, and got someone to open the door for him. Wakatoshi was probably the one who had brought the tissues and the washcloth. I breathed out, knowing I was going to have to talk to someone. Oikawa might not have even known what happened, or maybe Iwaizumi told him, but the fact he was willing to help me made me want to take the opportunity to lay myself bare.

“I want to talk about it.”

“Ok, Tobio-chan, just breathe for me if it gets too much ok?”

I nodded, but I knew it was going to be hard.

“Hinata and I dated for a long time, around 6 years. I broke up with him around 3 weeks after our anniversary.”

“Did you give him an explanation?”

“No, I was too angry and sad.”

“I heard him saying no one knows why, even Ushiwaka?”

“No, but I’m sure he figured it out on his own.”

“Mmmh, so you never told anyone why, and your mutual friends all chose to side with Shouyou-kun, I presume?”

“Yes, except for Iwaizumi-san and Sakusa-san for some reason.”

“Sakusa is intelligent and probably figured it out too, but he’s too introverted to speak up. As for Iwa-chan, I was the one to tell him to go easy on you and to let me talk to you before he made assumptions.”

… uh?

I took my head off his shoulder, and looked down at him, while my hands crossed behind his neck. He brought both his hands on my waist and looked back. I was confused and he probably saw through it since he started rubbing circles on my waist.

“I saw a few things back when I was in Brazil with him, at the time I didn’t think much of it, up until Iwa-chan told me you and he had tension ever since you broke up a few years ago.”

“If you’re talking about the fact that Hinata was cheating on my throughout our entire relationship practically two weeks after we got together than the few things you saw were exactly as they seemed.”

Oikawa looked truly shocked. He probably thought I either didn’t know, or that Hinata had been cheating on me for only a short while. Just thinking about it made me want to cry again, so I just bought my head back on his shoulder while trying to breathe slowly. It seems that woke him up a bit since he started to massage my hips again.

Ever since my breakup, not many people would hug me. Wakatoshi and I didn’t have that kind of skin ship, it was rare for either of us to initiate it unless with someone we love; Hoshiumi would sometimes hug me but very briefly and it would usually end with a hard slap on my back, ruining the moment; Romero loved to give a cheek kiss and a one-armed hug when greeting me, but it always felt a bit weird. Being held so affectionately by someone I had never considered as a confidant felt so much better than expected.

“I didn’t know it was that long. I saw them together a few months before he came back here, so I thought it was either a fling or a continuous one they would pick up here.”

“Don’t feel guilty, I’m pretty sure half of my friends knew about it but thought nothing of it because Hinata is the kindest person on this earth apparently.”

Oikawa laughed, and hearing it made me giggle a bit, though I tried to hide it a bit from him by burrowing myself in between his shoulder and his neck. He laughed a bit more, then it seems like he got serious again. Even though I wasn’t the best at reading others, for some reason Oikawa’s body language was obvious to me.

“Why didn’t you expose his cheating ass? You said you were hated, but if you told everyone else why you guys broke up, I’m sure no one would’ve treated you the way they did.”

“Do I really want friends who drop me the moment I don’t want to explain why I broke up with my boyfriend of 6 years? Anyone could see I was dealing with it worse than he ever did, and yet I was made the villain. I preferred running away. It was better that way. In Italy, no one knows about my personal life, so I’m doing better. I knew accepting to be here would be hard, I just wasn’t expecting everyone to be here, and I guess I freaked out a bit- “

“Tobio, a bit is an understatement. You had a panic attack, caused by the fact you were most probably overwhelmed. Look, if you want, since I’m sure Hinata is going to come back, we can go to Iwa-chan’s room for the night, he has another bed. You can tell him what you told me, and we’ll decide along with Ushiwaka and that other shorty player of yours. Is that fine with you?”

In the end, I accepted the deal. When I told Iwaizumi, Hoshiumi and Wakatoshi what really happened between Hinata and I, Oikawa and I had to block the door to keep them from killing either of them. I felt better knowing my secret was a bit less of a secret, but I was adamant on not telling anyone else about what happened. Hinata might’ve been an asshole, but he strived on social interactions. If I took that away from him, I would be just as bad as he is.

We talked about it through a part of the night, and we concluded though I was a bit against it, that I would speak to both Hinata and Atsumu what they made me go through, as to get them off my back. Oikawa would stay in the room during the conversation, while the other three would wait in Wakatoshi and I’ room so they could be close just in case I had another breakdown.

I kept on trying to get them to change their minds, but they would usually just shake me away before Oikawa told me that if I didn’t confront them then they would tell everyone else what happened.

Asshole.

Hinata and Atsumu arrived at the hotel room not looking the least bit suspicious. When Oikawa told them to go sit on his couch, I took a deep breath to steady myself. When they sat down, I suddenly made myself visible by leaving the bathroom. They both jumped and with wide eyes, Hinata got up, probably to rush towards me. Oikawa and I had anticipated it though, and he was ready to make Hinata sit down again.

“I’m only giving you an explanation because Tooru-san said he would tell the others if I didn’t, and that’s not what I want. Just don’t cut me off, I don’t want to repeat myself.”

Atsumu and Hinata both looked confused, but I knew Hinata enough to see he was a bit nervous, when I saw the way his hands started to fidget around. I took a deep breath before looking at him first.

“You broke my heart. You dragged me along the entire time, making me believe I was the best thing to happen to you while you were mine. I didn’t want to believe it, like most of our friends who might’ve gotten an idea a few times but immediately let it go. We all trusted you, and thought you were incapable of being an asshole. I guess it was an act though.”

Seeing the way his face paled didn’t make me feel better, but it also didn’t make me feel any worse. It was an improvement, no matter how small. I turned my eyes to Atsumu, and full on glared at him.

“You knew exactly what you were doing. Since you’re probably scared of commitment you decided being a homewrecker was better. Guess what Atsumu? If you think that it would be fun and rainbows when Hinata and I finally broke up, I’m sorry to tell you that’s not how life works. You might be waiting to get together, as not to raise suspicion, but I am not alone anymore, and I hope you know that at any given moment I can ruin your life with only one click.”

Atsumu paled, but his eyes looked furious. I knew what he was going to say was going to hurt, so I turned towards Hinata, and stared. I got out the stupid ring box and threw it at his face. He caught it and opened it. I could see his eyes widening, and Oikawa standing behind him looked equally gobsmacked.

“Those fucking rings probably cost me a whole year of eating shitty meals and never taking time off to raise as much money as possible. My plan was to propose on our 6^th anniversary. You know, the one where you ended up fucking Atsumu in the locker room. My plan was to pick you up, but I just ended up listening to you guys go on and on. I went back home and packed your shit. That’s when I found the fucking pictures. Why the fuck couldn’t you have broken up with me when you realised you and I wouldn’t work as well as you wanted it to? You broke my fucking heart, but instead of playing the victim, I took it upon myself to make sure at least one of us wouldn’t be miserable. I should’ve known you were feeling vindicative and preferred getting everyone else I was friends with against me. I have suffered enough from your hands. These Olympics, they’re the last time I’ll let myself be in your presence. If I learn you’re still on the team in four years, you can bet your ass I’ll tell the coach he can choose between either of us. In eight years, I won’t be playing for Japan anymore, so you won’t have anything to worry about.”

I turned away. I couldn’t bear to see him cry. I couldn’t bear to see Atsumu holding his hands to calm him down. Oikawa stood beside me and gave the box back. I looked at it and knew this was for the best. I took a deep breath, though I could feel myself sobbing. I needed to get them out of here.

“Just get the fuck out of my life, Hinata Shouyou. I hope you live a happy life, though I hope you’ll always remember about how you broke an almost perfect relationship for a dick, figuratively and literally.”

I walked towards the bathroom and locked myself there. I could hear Hinata trying to speak to me, but I just blocked my ears, waiting for them to leave.

This was for the best. Hinata could live a better life, Atsumu could get together with him, everyone will be happy.

I’ll be far away, hoping to mend my broken heart. It won’t be easy, and there will be ups and downs, but that’s life. Scars will run deep in my heart, but I know they would heal with time.

I never could’ve done it without my real friends.

And I’m so grateful for all of them.

Three years later.

It had been three years since the Olympics. Hinata was still trying to contact me and had now taken to sending me letters through my teammates since anyone who knew where I lived in Italy wouldn’t tell him my address.

I never read any of them.

Instead, I got better.

I sold the rings and brought myself a few plane tickets to Argentina to visit Oikawa or to invite him to Italy.

I got closer to Iwaizumi, making him come in Italy to get a job with Ali Roma.

Wakatoshi and Satori would invite me in Paris, and sometimes they would come to Italy.

Hoshiumi would send me gifts once every two months, and never failed to call me at least once a week, if not more.

Sakusa and I got closer, and he explained he knew about Atsumu and Hinata after our breakup and figured it out during practice. If I was in Japan, I would usually visit him to play with him and make him food, a privilege according to his boyfriend.

Oikawa helped me during the tough times, and we were getting closer after each visit. I knew he was probably going to ask me out soon, and I wasn’t opposed to the idea.

There was space for me in his team, so I knew there was nothing to fear.

He had taken the time to learn about me, while he let me observe him in turn.

There was still an ache in my heart when I thought about those 6 years of my life spent loving a person who didn’t love me enough to be loyal, but it felt more like an itch I could scratch away.

I was better, though I wasn’t perfect, I knew this was just part of life, and I knew this was how it was supposed to play out.

I drive alone, but it doesn’t mean I’m lonely.