Archive of Our Own ^beta

“You know literally everything, Joon. Just tell me what he’s been up to.”

“Hoseok, I don’t know how many times I have to tell you this. Yoongi is your best friend. He’s barely an acquaintance of ours. Jeongguk barely knows him, Jimin barely knows him, I only know him because I met him that one time at your party.”

Hoseok huffs. “Yeah well, you normally know everything. Even if it’s about people you don’t know.”

“Sorry,” he shrugs. “Have you thought about just asking him, perhaps? I mean, he is your best friend, after all. Shouldn’t be too hard to ask.”

“Nope. Not when he’s being sneaky like this. It’s too hard to ask him anything.”

Namjoon groans, laying back on the couch. “Well, the best advice I can give you then is to just wait it out.”

“I don’t wanna just wait it out though!” he whines, throwing a toddler-like tantrum. “Yoon always tells me things. He’s been so sneaky lately. It’s also like he’s walking on eggshells around me.”

“Can you blame him?” 

Namjoon’s question is sincere. His eyes are gentle, as is his voice. Hoseok knows he means well with his question but part of him wishes he wouldn’t have asked. It was almost a month ago. The wound is still fresh. It’s not too fresh where he’s having trouble when it’s brought up, like he used to, but still fresh enough to hurt.

He used to not even be able to hear anyone mention it. He had to avoid everyone for two weeks, just to let it all sink in. He barely said a word to anyone, not even Yoongi. He was the first person Hoseok talked to, though. He was the only one who would just listen. Not many people would do that. They all had questions, wanting to know what happened, how it happened. Not Yoongi. Yoongi just… listened.

“Sorry,” Namjoon speaks up after Hoseok’s long silence. “But, I’m sure he’s not doing anything bad, Seok. Just give him some time.”

As if on cue, Hoseok’s phone buzzes. He picks it up, eyes lighting up.

“It’s Yoongi,” he smiles at his phone.

“See, time works pretty fast sometimes,” Joon says.

yoon

you

hobi

me?

yoon

yes you

train station

9 am tomorrow

be there

hobi

um

that sounds a little ominous 

yoon

no questions allowed

see you in the morning <3

Hoseok feels his heart jump seeing the little heart emoticon that Yoongi sent but shakes the feeling instantly. That was weird, he thinks to himself. 

“What’d he say?” Namjoon asks, eyes curious.

“He wants me to meet him at the train station tomorrow?” Hoseok pauses for a second before pointing at Namjoon. “What do you know?!”

The younger raises his hands in defense. “Nothing! I swear!”

Hoseok jokingly glares at him, a smile peeking through. He doesn’t know what Yoongi has planned and part of him is a little scared. He hasn’t been further than the grocery store since everything happened. The train station just sounds like a recipe for disaster but he trusts Yoongi. He’s Hoseok’s best friend. He doesn’t want to upset him. He likes seeing him smile. Yoongi has a really pretty smile. And, when he gets the little crinkles by his eyes? Hoseok’s likes those the most. But, in a total friend way. Yeah, friends. They’re friends.

━━━━━━

It’s already five minutes past nine and Hoseok is convinced that Yoongi forgot. He’s texted him five times and he hasn’t responded. Great. Just great. Even his best friend doesn’t want to see him anymore. Why would he? After all that happened? Yoongi probably hates him just like everyone else does. Namjoon, Jimin, and Jeongguk are probably all pretending, too. They’re good at it if they are. 

Hoseok sighs, his thoughts leaving him feeling defeated. He makes his way for the station’s exit but before he can, Yoongi comes running inside, arms waving in Hoseok’s direction.

He catches up to him, completely out of breath. “Sorry… I’m… late,” he says between breaths. “I had to… grab something.”

“It’s fine, don’t worry.” Hoseok is starting to feel down, his thoughts tormenting him. “Listen, I’m tired anyway. Maybe we do this another time.”

“Oh no you don’t,” Yoongi stands upright. He clutches Hoseok’s hand, dragging him towards the ticket booth.

Normally, being dragged somewhere against his will, Hoseok would put up a fight. Yet, all he can think about is Yoongi’s hand in his. His tiny hand. His cute, tiny hand. It fits so perfectly there. 

Hoseok shakes his head, confused. That's not how he's supposed to feel about his best friend? He’s going to pretend those thoughts never happened. 

Yoongi slaps his hand onto the ticket counter. “I’ll take two tickets, please!”

“To where exactly?” the employee asks, very confused.

“Wherever the next train is going. I want two tickets there.”

“You’re sure?”

“Very!” He smiles. 

He’s doing that smile that Hoseok loves. It’s proud yet bashful. Calm yet confident. And, his little eye crinkles are showing again. Hoseok loves that.

Well, as a friend. Yeah, he loves that as a friend. 

The employee doesn’t ask anymore questions and Yoongi doesn’t ask. He doesn’t even want to know where they’re going, which seems a little odd to her but she doesn’t ask. Hoseok wishes she would’ve, though because he’d like to know where they’re going but alas. She simply stamps the tickets, handing them to Yoongi, who thanks her with a smile before dragging Hoseok away again. He follows the arrows in the station, finding their correct platform. He’s a bit upset that the ticket didn’t magically read platform nine and three quarters but platform two will have to do. The train should be here in just a few minutes, so Yoongi has just enough time to explain his elaborate plan.

He reaches into his jacket pocket, pulling out two disposable cameras. He hands one to Hoseok. “Here.”

“What’s this for? And, what’re we doing here?”

“We’re going for a day trip. We’re going to take pictures of the prettiest things we can find and then we’ll look at them after and have a bunch of pretty things to look at!” He smiles.

“Why?”

His smile fades. “Why not! It’s nice to have pretty things to look at.” 

You’re pretty to look at, Hoseok’s mind says. He shushes the thought.

“I mean, yeah I guess. But, couldn’t we do that at home? Like, in our own city? Why do we have to leave town to do that?”

“You know why, Hobi.” Yeah. He does. “Plus, it’s good to explore. Being in a new city can be refreshing.”

“Right. Refreshing,” he playfully rolls his eyes.

Yoongi gently shoves his shoulder with his own. The train arrives right on time and Hoseok steps on first. The two boys find their seats and it’s a race for the window seat. After all, it’s an hour train ride. They want that good seat. 

Hoseok manages to steal it first, plopping his tail-end into it before Yoongi can. “Snooze, ya lose, Yoon,” he teases. 

The elder remains standing, his hands on his hips, and a pout forming on his lips. He makes his voice sound cute as he speaks. “Hobi, please.”

There’s no way this is going to work, Yoongi thinks.

I can’t believe this is working, Hoseok thinks.

The younger boy huffs and Yoongi takes it as a sign that he’s not going to give in. Just as he’s about to sit in the aisle seat, Hoseok stands. He grabs Yoongi by the shoulders and plops him down in the window seat. He takes the aisle one for himself. He can see his best friend staring at him in disbelief out of the corner of his eye. There’s a small smile forming on his lips, too, but he keeps quiet. He just leans his head against the window, still smiling.

Don’t smile, Hoseok, he thinks. Don’t smile. Don’t let him know how adorable he just was. Well, adorable in a friend way. Hoseok’s brain can’t stop going back and forth with it’s thoughts, especially ones that involve Yoongi. 

Thirty minutes into the train ride, Hoseok’s head is leaning back against his seat, the boy completely asleep. Yoongi takes it as the perfect moment to pull out his phone and text Taehyung.

yoongi

he’s asleep

but before that, he didn’t seem excited to be here

taehyung

yoon, you woke him up

put him on a train

to god knows where for that matter

told him virtually nothing

just that you’re taking pictures

i’d be annoyed too

yoongi

you said this would be a good idea

taehyung

i know what i said

and i still think it is

it’ll help him open up i think

yoongi

i hope so

he needs to

taehyung

it won’t be easy though

and you can’t pressure it out of him

yoongi

i know

he just can’t keep it bottled up like this

it’ll end up destroying him more

taehyung

just be there for him, okay?

yoongi

i will

taehyung

good 

and stop complaining to me

you literally kidnapped him

yoongi

on that note, goodbye

Yoongi stays on his phone for the remainder of the ride, only glancing over to Hoseok every now and then to make sure he’s still okay. Not too soon after, an announcement comes over the train’s intercom system. 

“Attention passengers, we will be arriving at Wonju Station in five minutes. Please remember to gather your belongings and dispose of trash as you leave. Thank you for traveling with us.”

Yoongi sits up in his seat, stretching his arms upward. Maybe he should’ve slept a little. Hoseok definitely looks peaceful while he sleeps. Too bad he’s about to ruin that.

He gently shakes his friend, which does absolutely nothing. He tries again. Nothing still. Alright, Plan B. He violently shakes Hoseok, snapping him wide awake. 

Hoseok immediately shoves at Yoongi, groaning. “What the hell was that for, Yoon?”

“We’re arriving soon, had to wake you,” he shrugs.

“A gentle shove could’ve worked?”

“Trust me, it didn’t. Anyway, we’ll be there in five minutes so get ready for the best day ever!!”

“Best day ever?” Hoseok repeats. “Really?”

He beams a bright smile. “The very best!”

God, how can anyone not love you, Hoseok thinks. Followed by the thought of, I mean, yeah, I love you like a brother.

Once they leave the train and enter the station, Hoseok looks around then looks to his friend. “Well, now what?”

“We walk,” he says with confidence. Hoseok has no room to question it. He follows, trailing just far enough behind him. He’s always admired how Yoongi takes charge in these kinds of situations. He always knows what to do.

In reality, Yoongi has no idea what he’s doing. But, it’s all about the journey, right?

Once they emerge on the other side of the station, they find the small town. It’s quaint and not very large but it’s perfect for what they’ve come for today. Being behind Yoongi, Hoseok can see just how perfectly the light is shining on him. It’s too pretty not to capture and keep forever. 

He quietly winds up the camera in his pocket, trying to avoid the awkward conversation of Yoongi seeing him take his photo and having to explain himself. Once the camera is wound up, he takes it out of his pocket and quickly snaps a picture, returning the camera to his pocket.

Well, there goes one photo, he thinks to himself.

The pair walk around for a few minutes, taking in the sights. 

“What should we do?” Hoseok asks.

“Hm,” Yoongi ponders. He checks the time on his phone. “It’s nearly lunchtime so let’s go get some food first and then go from there. Sound good?”

“Sounds great,” he agrees, following behind his friend again.

They find one of the small diners in the town and grab a booth inside for the two of them. For the first few minutes of being there, Hoseok scrolls on his phone. He doesn’t even realize that Yoongi is staring right at him. If he did, he’d sure combust. Y’know, in a completely, non-heart exploding way. Just like a bro way.

“Hello!” Yoongi waves his hand in front of his friend's face. “Earth to Hobah!”

He blinks, looking up. “Hm? Oh, um, what is it?”

“Hang up and hang out!” He motions to the phone.

Hoseok rolls his eyes, putting his phone away. Yoongi notices immediately, hoping he didn’t overstep just now. His expression softens and Hoseok takes note of that. He softens his own gaze, letting him know he isn’t upset with him. 

Truthfully, Hoseok wasn’t trying to completely avoid Yoongi. He doesn’t know why but he was simply trying to not look at him. Maybe it’s his pretty smile and how in love with it you are, his brain reminds him. 

“Shut up,” he says out loud instead of in his mind.

“What?” Yoongi asks, worried he’s done something.

Hoseok shakes his head, clearing the thought. “Oh, um, nothing. How’s your coffee?”

The pair have been at the café just long enough to order coffee, lunch, and receive their ordered coffees. 

“It’s good. Nice and warm. Just what I needed.”

“I’m glad,” he pauses. “Um, can I ask you something?”

Yoongi sips his coffee, nodding to answer the question.

“Why did you bring me here? I know you said it’s good to get out but somewhere random? If you’re trying to get my mind off-.”

He’s cut off by the waitress placing food onto the table. “Here we go, boys! Can I get you anything else?”

Yoongi lets go of the breath he was holding, relieved at the employee’s perfect timing. 

“We’re alright, thank you.”

“Just let me know!” She smiles before walking away.

Yoongi turns to Hoseok. “Let’s eat first, talk later, okay?”  The younger nods.

He’s lucky I like him, he thinks. 

AS A FRIEND, he adds.

The lunch ends just as quickly as it started and the waitress is re-approaching the table, a smile on her face. “How was everything?”

“It was great, thank you,” Yoongi answers.

“Of course. Is it one check or two?”

“One.”

“Two,” Hoseok says at the same time.

Yoongi smiles at her. “It’ll be one! Thank you!”

She doesn’t question it, just nods, walking back to the front counter.

“Dude,” Hoseok reaches across the table, slapping his friend’s arm. “I can pay for my own food.”

“I know you can. But, I brought you out here. I’m paying. No buts!” He flashes his smile again.

Why can’t I say no to you, Hoseok wonders.

Yoongi quickly pays and the dup exit the café, both looking around, trying to take in the small town for all it’s got. 

“What should we do?”

“Let’s just explore?” Yoongi suggests. “Walk and see where the day takes us!”

Hobi agrees, following his friend down the sidewalk. Every person they pass makes a point to say hello or smile in their direction. It’s heartwarming. Hobi likes it here, surprisingly. He likes the people. 

“We should move here,” he speaks up.

Yoongi looks at him from his peripherals as they continue walking. “Says the guy who didn’t want to come until he got here.”

“I’m serious. Everyone is nice. I like it.”

“People are nice back home, too, Hobi.”

“Not everyone.” He shrugs. “Some people are cruel. They don’t let you forget your mistakes. Especially ones that you couldn’t control.”

Yoongi stops walking, placing himself right in front of Hoseok. His voice is soft. “Hey, we don’t have to. Not unless you want to.”

“It’s fine.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah,” he runs his hands through his hair. “Come on, I’ll try to not be such a downer today.”

Yoongi wants to tell him that he isn’t a downer. He’s the furthest thing from it. Considering all that’s happened, he’s the strongest person Yoongi has ever met. He only smiles, interlocking his arm with his friend’s. Which, in turn, only sends Hoseok’s brain into a spiral of confused thoughts. 

The two continue walking about, taking pictures of anything pretty that they find. Hoseok manages to sneak in a few pictures of Yoongi along the way, sneakily of course. He’ll have to think of a good excuse when it comes to printing these photos out. He’ll have to hide them from him. There’s no way he can show him an entire set of photos entirely of him. To avoid the entire conversation, Hoseok reminds himself periodically to take photos of buildings around the town.

In his opinion, the buildings and scenery are nothing compared to Yoongi. Yoongi is easily the prettiest thing in this entire city. Easily. 

As if Hoseok isn’t confused enough about the thoughts running rampant in his mind, Yoongi suggesting to take a photo of him only adds more confusion.

“Don’t worry, you look cute!” His friend reassures him and Hoseok swears his heart is doing back flips, it’s racing so fast.

He doesn’t make a comment regarding what Yoongi just said but he wants to. He wants to ask him what he means by that. Surely, he’d simply say something like, oh, you just looked pretty there, just like he always has before. But Hoseok’s mind can’t seem to function properly today.

For about ten minutes, the pair split up, Yoongi insisting they can take pictures of things and surprise each other later with them. Hoseok, truthfully, hates the idea. He doesn’t want to be alone in this town. He’s moved on from liking it. He hates it. He wants to be at home, preferably with Yoongi at his side. Being in this town, on his own nonetheless, is starting to become miserable. He finds himself wandering a little too far, ending up right at the edge of town. There’s a small stone wall, just the perfect height to sit on. It overlooks the waters edge. It gives the elder a hint of peace. Now this, he likes this. He could sit here forever.

He sits there for a few minutes, not bothering with the camera in his pocket. Although, his phone does buzz in his pocket. Maybe it’s Yoongi coming to rescue him, he thinks. He pulls it out and checks the message.

Unknown Sender

I bet it still hurts. It should.

Hoseok immediately clicks it off, shoving the phone back into his pocket. He has half a mind to toss it far into the water and let it be lost to the sea. He doesn’t care at this point. He can feel his breathing becoming more heavy. The worried sensation that he’s been avoiding for weeks is starting to take over him. He’s gripping the stone wall, trying to ground himself but he can’t quite do it. He begins hyperventilating, eyes bubbling with tears. 

Just when he thinks he can’t hold on anymore, he feels hands on his shoulders. A voice yells out, “boo!”

He turns around, cheeks and eyes red. Yoongi’s excited expression turns to one of concern. His demeanor changes immediately. “Hobi, what’s wrong? What happened?”

“Am I that awful of a person, Yoon?” He blubbers, not holding back his tears.

Yoongi takes him into his arms, holding him close. “No, no, Hobah. You’re not awful. You just had something awful happen to you. It doesn’t make you an awful person.”

Hoseok wraps his arms around his friend. This is the grounding he needed. Yoongi’s arms make him feel safe. He never wants to leave them. Sadly, he has to. Yoongi pulls back, taking a seat next to Hoseok on the wall. The elder sniffles, wiping at his eyes. Yoongi playfully nudges him, an endearing smile on his face.

“Do you wanna talk about it?”

“Not really.”

“You can’t keep it in forever, Hoseok.”

“I know that,” his tone becomes defensive.

Yoongi sighs. “Then let’s talk about it. It can’t hurt, right?”

“I don’t want to.”

“Come on, it’s just me.”

Hoseok snaps his head, “yeah, and what makes you so fucking special?”

Yoongi blinks, attempting to ensure he actually heard what he just heard. He retaliates quickly. “Because, I’m your best fucking friend, in case you forgot. We tell each other things. Everything, actually.” 

Not everything, Hoseok’s mind wanders. I don’t tell you how your smile makes my entire fucking day.

Yoongi continues, “We don’t just keep secrets, Hoseok.”

“It’s not a secret.”

“You’re right,” he scoffs. “It’s not. Everyone knows what happened, Hoseok. My friends know. Your friends know. Everyone is just too scared to say anything to you.”

“Why? Huh?” He yells out. “Because, I might do something stupid, right? Because, maybe I’ll make sure it’s me next time, right? Because, that’s what should happen, right? Because, I’m that awful of a human being. Why should I live when he didn’t, right?”

“Hoseok,” Yoongi trails off, voice quiet. “Don’t say that.”

“Why shouldn’t I? It’s what everyone’s thinking. I was the one driving, right? I was supposed to keep him safe. But, I didn’t. Did I?”

Yoongi moves closer but Hoseok only backs further away. “Hobi, what happened wasn’t your fault. You know that.”

“Do I?! He was my little brother, Yoon. My family can barely even look at me.”

“Hoseok, it was the other driver’s fault. The one who swerved into you. The one who is sitting behind bars for the rest of his life. Not yours.”

“Whatever. Let’s just drop it, okay? I don’t want to talk about it.”

“I wouldn’t call what just happened even talking about it. You kind of just yelled at me but yeah, okay. I’ll drop it.”

Hoseok resists the urge to argue with his friend. He should’ve shown him the message but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. That was the most he’s said about the accident in weeks. He still can’t bring himself to say his brother’s name. It’s too painful. What happened wasn’t his fault, he knows that but it doesn’t change the fact that everyone is still talking about it. Everyone still puts blame on Hoseok. His family still blames him, even if they say they don’t, he can see in their eyes that they do. He almost thinks that Yoongi does, too.

The thought of that alone is painful. Everyone else hating him, he can handle that, but Yoongi hating him? He can’t deal with that. Not on top of everything else. That would be too much.

“Hey,” Yoongi quietly nudges his shoulder. Hoseok looks up to him. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have pushed you.”

“It’s okay.”

“It’s not. I know you and I know your limits and I pushed it. I’m sorry. Forgive me?” He flashes just a hint of his smile and who is Hoseok to say no to that? He nods affirmingly, soft smiling. “Good. I just want you to know I’m here if you need me. You can come to me with anything, whether it’s about that or anything else that’s on your mind. You know that, right?”

“I know, Yoon,” he smiles.

Yoongi stands to his feet, extending a hand to his best friend. “Come on, let’s go explore more. We’ve only got a few more hours and time is running out.”

Hoseok wipes at his eyes once more, clearing them of any tears left behind. He accepts his friend’s hand, who immediately pulls him up and to his side, interlocking their arms again. 

Hoseok feels so safe here. His heart even skips a beat. 

Wait, why did it skip a beat? Is that normal with friends?

The day ends with full cameras and two smiling boys, taking one last picture together by the fountain in the middle of the town. It’s the perfect ending to a fairly perfect day. Sure, it had its ups and downs but what day doesn’t? Hoseok can’t seem to stop staring at the way the wind blows through Yoongi’s blonde hair. Has it always been that fluffy? That along with his award winning gummy smile? That’s such a perfect combination to Hoseok. He makes a mental note to go to the doctor, though, because his heart feels all kinds of weird, especially today. He has no idea what’s causing it and maybe it’s serious. It almost always happens with Yoongi, though, so maybe it’s just a sensory thing? Hoseok has no idea. All he does know is that his heart feels like it’s been doing back flips all day long and it definitely shouldn't be doing that.

When they’re on the train back home, Yoongi lets Hoseok have the window seat, since he was awarded it on the way there. Hoseok is just about to fall asleep against the window when Yoongi gently shakes him awake again.

He looks over and Yoongi is holding up his camera, waving it. “Did you get good pictures?”

“Oh, um, yeah. I did.”

“Are they pretty?” 

They’re mostly of you, so yeah.

“The prettiest.”

“I can’t wait to see them!” He smiles.

Hoseok completely forgot about showing them to Yoongi. He’s already thinking of excuses for hiding half of his photos. 

“Right, yeah, me too.”

Yoongi tilts his head. “Are you sleepy?” Hoseok hums. Yoongi taps his shoulder. “Here, lay here. It’s much more comfy than the window. Trust me.” He hesitates and the elder sees that. “Come on, I don’t bite, Hobah!”

He gives a half hearted smile, gently leaning his head on Yoongi’s shoulder. 

“See, not so bad, right?” Yoongi chirps.

“Not so bad,” he agrees. 

Actually, it’s perfect. Hoseok drifts off, letting the worry of the photos be a concern for a later time. Right now, he feels safe. He feels grounded. It’s all he’s wanted for weeks. 

And, oddly enough, his heart is doing that thing again. How weird.

Once Hoseok is back home, laying in bed, trying to go to sleep, his mind is a whirlwind of thoughts. He thinks about texting Jimin, just to see if maybe he can help him understand what’s going on in his brain. He decides against it, clicking his phone off and setting it on the table beside him. He’s worried about the photos, what Yoongi will think of him. They’ll have them back in a week and having a deadline for having to figure out what he’s going to say is making the situation even more terrifying. He takes a deep breath, trying to ground himself before another panic attack can set in. He closes his eyes, Yoongi’s smile appearing behind his lids. It helps him drift off.

━━━━━━

Jeongguk follows his friend inside his home, already plopping onto the couch. It’s like he thinks he lives here, Hoseok thinks. The two have just arrived back from watching a movie together and Hoseok didn’t think Jeongguk would stay but nonetheless, he takes a seat next to him, scrolling through his phone. He can see Jeongguk staring at him, waiting for him to notice. His eyes are doe-like, full of tiny little stars. If a stranger were to look at them, they’d think it was the most beautiful sight they’d ever seen. But, not Hoseok. Hoseok knows that familiar glance all too well. He knows the boy wants something.

He doesn’t bother looking up from his phone. “What is it, Jeon?”

“So, I think we should talk.”

“About what?”

“About… it.”

It. That’s what they’ve been calling the accident for weeks. It. 

The elder desperately wants out of this conversation already. “What? The movie? I thought it was great. I especially liked the part whe-.”

“Not the movie, hyung,” he interrupts. “I’m not going to push you or try and make you talk to me. I know you’d rather talk to Yoongi than any of us but-.”

“Yoongi?” Hoseok cuts him off. “What does Yoongi have to do with any of this?!” His tone is harsh, more direct than he intended but he doesn’t correct himself.

Jeongguk raises his hands in defense, “woah, woah. Calm down. It’s nothing. I’m just saying you’re closer to him than us, which is totally fine. I just want you to know that if you want to talk about it with someone else, I’m here.”

Frankly, Hoseok doesn’t want to talk about it. After the small bit of emotion he showed with Yoongi, lashing out at him, he’s terrified to talk to anyone else. He saw how hurt it made Yoongi that he became aggressive with him that day. He only barely scratched the surface of how he’s been feeling. He can’t imagine going any deeper than that. Plus, with random unknown numbers messaging him, it’s just adding more fuel to the fire. 

“Can we just… hang out today? Not talk about it? I will when I’m ready, okay? And, that might be in days, months, or years. But, for now let’s just drop it, okay?”

The younger nods. “Okay, yeah. We can do that. Let’s just hang out, like normal.”

“Good.” He soft smiles, pausing for a moment. “And, Jeon? I’m sorry for yelling a minute ago. I’ve just been in a weird mood lately.”

“S’okay. Don’t worry,” he gives a reaffirming smile. 

━━━━━━

“Yoon, do you ever stalk people’s Twitter accounts?” Taehyung asks, completely out of the blue. 

Yoongi looks up at his friend, eyebrows furrowed. “Um, not really? Why?”

“Oh, nothing. I just have been lately and I’m figuring out some things.”

Taehyung considers himself a master of stalking. He’s uncovered so many secrets just by piecing together Tweets or Instagram posts. He’s quite good at it actually. His current target? None other than Jung Hoseok. (But, he won’t tell Yoongi that just yet). 

“What things?” Yoongi asks, half-interested.

“Aish,” he shakes his head. “Just some things. I think this guy has a crush but doesn’t know it.”

“What guy?”

Taehyung remains calm. “Just some random. But, he talks about his one friend differently than his other friends. Always posting things about his smile or having fun with him or how he wishes he could hang out with him again. But, whenever he gets called out on it, he claims it’s just a friend thing. Almost like internalized homophobia. It’s kind of sad when you think about it. His friend kind of plays into it, too but either he’s oblivious to his friend liking him or they’re both oblivious to liking each other.”

The posts sound almost familiar to Yoongi but he can’t quite place a name to it. Besides, Taehyung would’ve said if it was someone he knew. He lets the thought go free. 

“That is sad, maybe he’s scared? I mean, I wouldn’t know since I’m straight but maybe that’s how he feels?”

Taehyung narrows his eyes. “Right. Maybe.” He pauses. He’s never been one to shy away from things. Actually, he’s quite confident and will do or say whatever he wants without a second thought, just like he’s about to. “I’m going to ask him.”

“Ask him? Ask him what?”

“If he likes his friend.”

“Tae! You can’t just ask strangers that!”

He shrugs. “Why not?”

“You just can’t!”

Taehyung is already typing on his phone, ignoring everything Yoongi is saying. He hits send. “Too late! Already sent the DM.” 

Yoongi groans, slumping back into his chair. “You’re quite a nuisance, Kim Taehyung.”

“It’s part of my charm,” he smiles brightly.

Kim Taehyung

hello, hoseok

Jung Hoseok

hi?

you’re yoongi’s friend, right?

Kim Taehyung

ah so he does talk about me

Jung Hoseok

occasionally.

um why’re you messaging me?

Kim Taehyung

i have an important question to ask you

Jung Hoseok

okay?

Kim Taehyung

do you like yoongi?

Jung Hoseok

he’s my best friend?

of course i do?

Kim Taehyung

no no i mean more than friend

do you have a crush on him

Taehyung smiles to himself as he hits send. He does consider for a second that maybe the message was a bit too bold but he goes back to not caring a second later.

Jung Hoseok

why do you ask?

Kim Taehyung

just curious

Jung Hoseok

no

i don’t

Kim Taehyung

you’re sure?

Jung Hoseok

positive. now go away

Taehyung lets out a huge burst of laughter. “What?” Yoongi asks.

“I got blocked!” He continues his fit of laughs.

“Serves you right! Meddling in people’s personal lives! Who even was it?”

“Nobody, don’t worry. It’s just so funny that he did that.”

Yoongi continues prodding. “What’s so funny about being blocked? I’d be upset.”

“Trust me,” he says between laughs. “It’s funny. Every time I get blocked it’s funny but this one is especially funny to me.”

“Well, if it’s funny, I want to know who it is so I can laugh, too.”

Taehyung calms himself down, slowly his breathing. He snickers, “if you want to laugh so bad, go look in a mirror. That should work.”

Yoongi tosses a pillow, hitting him right in the face. He sarcastically sneers, “ha ha, you’re so funny!”

“Thanks, it comes with being gay.”

“Wouldn’t know.”

“Try it sometime,” he smirks. “I can help you with that.”

Yoongi’s eyes widen. “As much fun as sex with you sounds, Tae, I don’t think-.”

“OH MY GOD, NO!” He cuts him off immediately, throwing a pillow to stop him from talking. “I didn’t mean with me, you idiot!”

The elder’s eyes widen even more, his face draining of color. “Oh… um… I…. sorry… let’s just… yeah… let’s move on from that.”

His friend bursts into laughter again. His cheeks are so red from smiling so hard. “Oh my god, you just had a gay panic moment. It’s okay, Yoon. We all had them at the start.”

“I’m not?!” He defends and looks absolutely pathetic doing so.

“Okay, okay,” Taehyung laughs, “whatever you say!”

Yoongi huffs, ignoring his friend completely. He goes back to scrolling on his phone, pretending the conversation never happened. Meanwhile, Taehyung’s phone buzzes in his hand. He looks down at it and sees a new message from Twitter.

Jung Hoseok

okay. speak.

what do you know?

━━━━━━

Hoseok and Taehyung are the most unlikely pair of friends. Nobody could’ve seen it coming. They keep it pretty lowkey, considering their entire friendship started with Taehyung asking if Hoseok had a crush on Yoongi. It’s not exactly something that Hoseok wants to get out. He still doesn’t even understand the whole thing.

When Taehyung first came to his house, he was quiet. He didn’t know what to say to the stranger. He’s one of Yoongi’s friends, after all. He could’ve easily been showing up just to get information and then leave and go laugh about it with Yoongi. Hoseok’s brain could pretty much convince him of anything at this point. But, after a while, he’s grown to trust Taehyung. It was hard at first, admitting what was going through his mind and his heart. He didn’t know what any of it meant. Taehyung, on the other hand, knew exactly what it was. He explained the concept of internalized homophobia, even touching on the subject of compulsory heterosexuality. It was easy for him to see Hoseok was definitely feeling those things, which is okay. It happens. Taehyung even shared with him how he felt that at first but once he realized his feelings are valid, everything slowly started making more sense. 

Hoseok just needed a little guidance and Taehyung was there to give it to him. The younger even went as far as explaining to Hoseok that what he’s feeling could be defined as love. And, not just love between two friends but actual love with someone you really care about. That took a minute to sink in for Hoseok. He never thought about loving Yoongi as more than anything than a friend but when he started piecing together his feelings, along with what Taehyung told him, it kind of made more sense. 

Hoseok even opened up to Taehyung about the accident. He only mentioned feelings and the panic attacks and how Yoongi has helped him through those. Taehyung didn’t have much to say on the topic. He may not be the best of friends with Hoseok, but it’s no secret what happened. Almost everyone knows. Although, Taehyung does tell him that feeling safe with Yoongi is just another sign of how he feels. If Yoongi is the one person who makes him feel safe and guarded and like everything is going to be okay, on top of the whole heart doing back flips thing, that’s a pretty good indicator for love. 

All of his time spent with Taehyung has only semi prepared him for this moment. Yoongi will be at his door any second, with his photos in hand, ready to share them with him. Hoseok made sure to pick his up early, just in case Yoongi wanted to take a sneak peek. He couldn’t bear to have him call him or text him asking why there’s so many photos of him in the tiny folder. 

He has little time to prepare, as his doorbell rings. He opens it and Yoongi already has the biggest grin on his face. “Ready?” He beams. God, his smile is so pretty.

“Ready,” Hoseok attempts to return the energy. If Yoongi was fully paying attention, he might’ve noticed how not ready Hoseok actually is.

He follows him back to Hobi’s room, the small paper sleeve filled with photos sitting on his desk. He grabs it, plopping onto his bed while Yoongi sits in the desk chair. He wheels the chair to the edge of Hoseok’s bed, setting his sleeve of photos onto the bed. The younger goes to open his mouth but Yoongi cuts him off.

“Wait! I want to go first!” A sigh of relief comes from Hoseok.

Yoongi begins pulling out photos, scattering them across the bed. He picks up four of his favorite ones, making sure Hobi doesn’t look while he does so. He wants them to be a surprise. 

The younger finally opens his eyes and Yoongi has a bright smile on his face as he flips each photo around. The first is of the large building in the middle of the town. He really liked the architecture of it all. It’s very Yoongi. The next is of the fountain they stopped at a few times. The water was so clear, Yoongi almost wanted to jump in. The third photo is of one of the main streets. It must’ve been when they split up for a few minutes because Hoseok doesn’t remember it at all. But, Yoongi loves it. He can’t stop looking at it. 

If Hoseok’s heart wasn’t doing back flips before just by seeing him smile, it surely is now, as Yoongi flips the fourth photo around.

“This is one of my most favorites!” It’s a picture of Hoseok on a little pathway. He’s smiling so brightly for the elder.

“Really?” Yoongi nods affirmingly. “Why?”

“You look so happy! It’s such a cute photo of you, Hobah!” Cute. It’s a cute photo. Wait, does Yoongi also like him? Did Taehyung say something to him? Surely not. He would’ve said something, right? He doesn’t have a lot of time to process what Yoongi just said, as he’s already tucking the photos back into their sleeve. “Okay! Now, show me yours!”

Hoseok gulps. “Oh, um, they aren’t that good. I don’t really have any favorites.”

“Come on! At least show me one!” 

His hands are trembling. He flicks through the photos, finding the one he and Yoongi took together at the end of the day. This should work, right? He hands it to the elder, who chuckles.

“This is a good picture, Hobi. But! It doesn’t count, I already knew about it! Come on, show me something new! Give me three new ones!”

He takes the photo back, his knees pressed up against his chest. He flips through them again, finding two acceptable photos of the city. One is of a tiny flower bed and the other is of a building he really liked. He hands them over and Yoongi smiles. He likes them.

“One more?” He asks, eyes doe-like. 

“I really don’t think-.”

“Come on, Hobi.” His smile is growing wider and he’s leaning forward onto the bed. Hoseok can feel butterflies in his stomach. He tries to force them away but he can’t. Without warning, Yoongi is on the bed, crawling towards him with a smile, giggling as he does so. “Show me! Show me!”

He reaches for the sleeve, putting himself right in Hoseok’s personal bubble. He doesn’t even realize how close he’s become but Hoseok does. Sure, they’ve been close before but not like this. Not with the knowledge about himself that Hoseok now has. Yoongi puts himself right in front of the boy’s face, pouting, knowing how well it worked on the train when he wanted the window seat. 

“Please?”

“Yoon, I’m telling you, they aren’t that good.”

All it takes is a second of Hoseok letting his guard down for Yoongi to snatch the sleeve from his hand. He crawls back to the end of the bed, despite Hoseok attempting to fight for it back. He doesn’t let the younger win, keeping the photos in his possession. Hoseok prepares for the worst.

He watches as Yoongi’s bright smile turns to a face of confusion, pulling out one photo after another. “Hobi?”

“Yoon, I can explain.”

“We were taking pictures of the city, remember?” He nods, unable to look at his best friend. “Why are half of these of me, then?”

He mumbles his words but Yoongi makes them out. “You said to take pictures of something pretty. So, I did.”

“Hoseok,” he starts. “We’re… we’re just friends?”

The younger feels his entire world crashing down. He jumps off his bed, running straight for his bathroom and locking the door. He slides his back against the wall, sitting down on the floor. He pulls his knees to his chest, trying his best not to cry. He finally hears Yoongi follow after him, his feet stopping at the door. The door handle moves but doesn’t budge.

“Hoseok, please open the door.” Nothing. “Hobi, please come out of there.” Still no response. “Just call me later if you want to talk, okay?”

He hears feet retreating and finally a door closing, signaling the boy has left his home completely. He wipes at his eyes, opening the door. He sees the photos sprawled out on his bed, all of Yoongi. They can’t even make him happy right now. He grabs his phone, texting the only person who might understand him right now.

Jung Hoseok

taehyung… i think i just lost my best friend

At the same time, Yoongi sends a message from his car. 

yoon

tae, you’ll never guess what just happened to me

━━━━━━

Yoongi sits frustrated at Taehyung’s house, so unaware of everything going on around him. He doesn’t know what’s happening or what he’s feeling or even what he’s supposed to be feeling. Taehyung was the first person he could think of to talk to and surprisingly, he’s actually got a lot to say about it. 

“What do you think is happening?”

“I don’t know! Isn’t that what I came here for? For you to help me figure it out?”

“Yoon, I can’t figure it out for you. I can only speculate.”

He huffs, hugging a pillow to his chest. “I don’t know. I just… he looked so hurt when I saw those photos.”

“Were you hurt when you saw them?”

Yoongi bites his inner cheek. “No.”

“No?”

“I don’t think so. I mean, it was unexpected but I wasn’t hurt. I was more confused. I didn’t even realize he’d been taking photos of me, for one. And two, why would he be taking pictures of me anyway?”

Taehyung rolls his eyes, in disbelief at how oblivious his friend is. “What did he say when you asked? Tell me again.”

“He said he took pictures of pretty things.”

The younger gestures in the air. “So, what do you get from that?”

“He thinks I’m pretty?”

“Oh god, how can both of you be this dumb?”

“Both of us? You talk to him?”

Oops. He wasn’t supposed to let that slip. Taehyung begins stumbling over his words, unable to come up with an actual excuse. “Well, I mean, I just… we kind of talked once or twice.”

“About what?” He pauses. “About me?” The boy nods. Sorry, Hoseok. He’s been caught, there’s no going back. “When?”

Taehyung considers making up a story. But at this rate, even if he did and made sure to hint at what was going on, Yoongi has proven he will absolutely not pick up on it. Seriously, are they both so oblivious to each other? Granted, Yoongi hasn’t made any hints or suggestions to liking Hoseok as much as the latter has but Taehyung just has a small suspicion he feels the same way. Call it intuition or even, as cheesy as it sounds, a gaydar, but Taehyung can sense it. He thinks Yoongi is going through exactly what Hoseok did with compulsory heterosexuality. He even tried to explain that to him, compulsory heterosexuality, but it’s a topic that goes right over the elder’s head.

“He was the one I messaged a while ago, the one who blocked me when you were over.”

“That was Hobi?”

“Yeah.”

“Were you talking about me then? Being the person he likes?” Tae only nods. “What did he say?”

The younger shifts in his seat, pursing his lips. “Yoon, do you really think you need to ask me that?”

Yoongi doesn’t answer, he just bites his tongue, lowering his glance to his hands. He fiddles with thumbs, a million thoughts running through his mind. Hoseok… likes him? They’ve been best friends for years, though? Surely it would’ve come up by now, right? And, compulsory hetereosexuality? There’s no way that’s what’s going on, right? Yoongi doesn’t see Hoseok like that, does he? He has so much to try and figure out and it feels like he’s on a time crunch. It’s only a matter of time before Hoseok realizes he doesn’t want to keep Yoongi around anymore after this. Yoongi doesn’t want that. He wants Hoseok around forever. He likes having him around. As a friend. Yeah.

━━━━━━

“Joon, I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. He’s never going to talk to me again after this. He’s probably scared to or something.”

His friend sits across from him at the table, sipping on his coffee. “Hoseok, I doubt he’s scared to. You liking him isn’t a scary concept. It just happens to us sometimes.”

“But, not to me!”

“Clearly it does,” he half-chuckles. “Look, you should just reach out to him.”

Hoseok’s eyes widen. “Absolutely not! He probably hates me!”

Namjoon takes a deep breath, setting his coffee down. He makes a point to look Hoseok right in his eyes. “Listen, I’m going to say something and I need you to not freak out. Okay?”

“Mhm,” he mumbles.

“I won’t label you because I know you’re figuring it out still but, Hoseok, being a guy and liking guys is okay. It’s not a crime. It’s not going to make anyone hate you, well, not those who care about you and love you. I’m still here, aren’t I?”

“Yeah, but-.”

“No buts,” he interjects immediately. “You can’t control who you like. From what you’ve told me about him, it seems like Yoongi is your number one, right? He’s the person you’ve always been able to go to for everything?” The boy nods along with each question. “He’s your safe space, right? After everything happened, he was the only person you wanted to see. Even if it was for two minutes, you wanted to see him. It’s natural that you fell for him. He’s always been there for you and you two are close. I promise he doesn’t hate you. He might be a little confused with these new feelings but I promise, he does not hate you, okay?”

Hoseok slumps, his giant hoodie swallowing him whole. “Thanks, Joonie. I needed to hear that.”

“I know. Now, come on, eat your food before I do!” He smiles, dimples popping out. 

━━━━━━

It’s been almost two weeks since Hoseok last saw Yoongi. He hasn’t tried to reach out himself or even through Taehyung. And, Hoseok has definitely asked Taehyung if he’s said anything. (He hasn’t). It’s disheartening. Hoseok thought Yoongi would be by his side forever. That’s what they promised each other. It was always a running joke between them, since neither of them ever expected the other to abandon them. It always came out as more of ‘you can never get rid of me’ or a ‘you’re stuck with me forever’ kind of statement. But, nonetheless, it was forever. The two of them were forever. Or, Hoseok thought they were. 

In the two weeks without his best friend, he’s had a lot of time to figure everything out. He’s read a lot of articles, even found a few helpful Twitter threads to aid him in understanding what he’s feeling. He doesn’t necessarily know what he would call himself, if he even wants a label right now. Taehyung has also been a big help with that. Being out himself, he’s guided Hoseok through figuring out his sexuality. They’ve become fairly close because of it. The elder is glad he’s found someone who is willing to let him just ramble on, letting all of his thoughts out until they can piece together as one. Taehyung is a really good listener, he’s found. 

But, again, he doesn’t know if a label really fits him yet. What he does know is that he likes Yoongi. He’s okay with admitting that now. He thinks it’s a little crazy and there’s a part of him that still makes him feel as if it’s wrong but Taehyung reminds him that it’s normal to feel like that. Having to unlearn everything you’ve been taught as a child and relearn your own way can be scary, especially when it comes to sexuality. 

He’s waiting for Yoongi to come to him. He doesn’t want to impose on his life anymore than he already has. He knows how crazy that sounds and Tae has even reassured him that he isn’t imposing but he can’t shake the thought. Something about reaching out first seems too scary. 

Guess it’s a good thing that Yoongi is making the move first. 

A knock comes to Hoseok’s front door. He’s confused, considering it’s nearly seven at night and he isn’t expecting any guests or package deliveries. He turns down the heat on his pan, hoping the food in it doesn’t burn in the meantime. He doesn’t bother taking off his cute strawberry apron as he moves to the door. The color drains from his face when he opens it.

“Hi.” Hoseok has been dying to hear that voice for weeks.

“Hey,” he soft smiles.

“Can I come in?”

Hoseok looks over his shoulder, back at the food he was making. “Yeah, you can. Have you eaten?” Yoongi shakes his head, taking off his shoes. “Good, I made way too much for myself.”

“Classic, Hobah,” Yoongi chuckles.

The elder sits on one of the barstools, letting Hoseok return to the stove. The stove is on the counter that faces the barstools, so the two boys are face-to-face. Well, if only Hoseok would look up at him they would be. He can’t bring himself to do it yet.

“What’re you making? Tteokbokki?” Yoongi asks.

“Yeah,” he quietly answers.

“Is it extra spicy? I know you like extra spicy.”

Hoseok stifles a chuckle. “It is.”

“You know,” Yoongi continues talking. Hoseok knows what he's doing. He’s trying to lighten the mood. “It’s such a contrast.”

“Hm?”

“You.” That makes Hoseok finally look up.

“What?”

“You like super spicy food, to the point of burning your mouth off. But, you always cook in your cute little strawberry apron. It’s quite the contrast.”

Hoseok is going to pretend he definitely didn’t just say cute. 

“I guess so.”

Yoongi decides not to say anything else, trying not to press his luck with his friend. He only watches as the younger finishes cooking. He watches every movement of his. His eyes are fixed on his hands, how they add little seasonings, how they stir the food around the pan. He can’t take his eyes away and he’s sure that Hoseok knows it, too. But, he doesn’t say anything. 

The two eat mostly in silence, neither knowing exactly the right words to say. They’re walking on eggshells around the other. The only time they talk is when Hoseok takes too big of a bite, setting his mouth ablaze. He reaches for his water, downing it in just a few seconds. He doesn’t think twice before grabbing Yoongi’s, gulping it down. 

“Good?” Yoongi asks, a small smile hiding behind his words.

“Spicy,” he fans himself, trying to get past the heat.

“Like I said, you’re a cute little contrast.”

Again, Hoseok pretends he didn’t just hear that. If he actually hears it and lets it in, it’ll only hurt more. 

When they’re cleaning up, Hoseok does the dishes. He scrubs away at the pan, his hair falling down over his eyes. He shakes his head, trying to toss it back to the side but it stays right in place. Yoongi, who’s been right beside him drying the dishes, notices his struggle. Without thinking, he reaches over, gently moving the strand out of his eyes. Hoseok freezes. Yoongi’s hand remains in place for a few seconds before he pulls it back, the younger looking right at him.

“Sorry,” he whispers. “I… sorry.”

“S’okay.” He pauses, not touching the dishes. His mouth talks faster than his brain can think. “Yoongi, what’re we doing?”

“What?”

“I mean, we’re acting like we haven’t been best friends for years. You’re walking on eggshells around me.”

“You’re doing the same to me, Hobi.”

“I only am because you found out that I lik-,” he stops himself. “You found out how I feel. And, I don’t know how to talk to you because you aren’t giving me any ideas. You have to give me something. If you don’t want to be friends anymore, that’s fine. I just need to know.”

Yoongi drops the towel he was using to dry dishes onto the counter, facing his entire body to his friend. “You think I don’t want to be friends anymore?”

“Do you?”

“Hoseok, I wasn’t kidding when I said we’re together forever. You can’t get rid of me,” he smiles. “Look, I don’t know exactly what to do here. Knowing what I know and now feeling what I feel, I just-.”

“Wait,” he stops him. “Feeling what you feel?”

Yoongi takes a deep breath, moving back around the counter to the barstools. Hoseok’s eyes follow his actions, leaning against the counter on the opposite side. 

“I’ve been talking to Taehyung… a lot actually.” Yeah, me too, Hobi thinks. “And, I don’t know. Just some of the things he’s said made me think about things differently.”

“What things?”

“You.”

“What about me?”

Hoseok can see how difficult this conversation is becoming for the elder. He doesn’t want to push him but god, he needs answers. 

“I don’t know how to put it into words. I’m still figuring it out, I think? I don’t know really. It’s still new to me.”

If there was ever a moment to be bold, it’s now. Hoseok can see the opportunity. It’s right in front of his face. He has to take it. He needs to take it. 

“Yoon, do you want to go on a date with me?” 

The question takes him by surprise. His gaze meets Hoseok’s. “W-what?”

“Not as friends. Like an actual date. If you’re trying to figure out what I think you’re trying to figure out, then maybe this could help. I don’t know.”

“I-I don’t-.”

“Hyung, you know where I stand. If you’re still confused after, I won’t pressure you. I know what it’s like to be pressured. I don’t want to do that to you.”

Yoongi’s face is soft, delicate. “Are you sure?”

“I’m sure.”

It only takes him a few seconds to answer but to Hoseok, it feels like a century. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Yeah. Let’s go on a date.”

It takes everything in Hoseok not to sequel like a schoolgirl. 

━━━━━━

There’s a different kind of butterflies that you get from a date. Your stomach turns into little twists and knots. It almost feels like you’re floating but that you’re falling at the same time. It doesn’t feel real, per se. It’s a good kind of feeling, though. It’s excitement and joy mixed with nerves of seeing someone you care about. That’s how both boys are feeling right now as they sit across from the other.

Now, they’ve been on friend dates plenty of times. They’ve grabbed lunch, eaten dinner, ordered takeout, and plenty of other date type deals before. But, never in this setting. Never have they dressed up to impress the other. They haven’t made sure they smell good, just in case the other gets too close. Because, this is all different. A good kind of different, though.

“Is your food good?” Yoongi asks, biting into his.

“Very good,” he smiles.

“I’m glad,” he returns the smile. “You look nice, by the way.”

Hoseok can feel the blood rushing to his cheeks. “You don’t have to compliment me just because we’re on a date, Yoon. It can be just like normal.”

“I know. I wanted to. Not because it’s a date. I wanted to tell you that you look nice.”

The younger’s lips form an ‘o’ shape, a faint noise coming out of his mouth. “Thank you. You also do. I mean, you always do, but you do tonight, too.”

“Do I look better now than I did when you took those photos?” Yoongi soft smiles, his question genuine. There’s no malintent behind it and Hoseok can see that.

“I like how you looked that day more.”

Yoongi’s lips turn to a pout. He put in a lot of work on his appearance tonight. That day he was running late, the wind messed up his hair completely, and his skin was most definitely breaking out. How could he possibly have looked better that day?

Hoseok clears his thoughts, “you looked like you. This,” he gestures to Yoongi, “is really nice. But, I like how you look normally. It’s Yoongi. It’s my best friend. It’s the guy I like,” he says with confidence. “I like your natural look. But, again, don’t get me wrong. This you is also…. um…. really good.”

“Really good?”

“Yeah.”

“Really, really good?”

The younger giggles. “Okay, now you’re just teasing.”

“Yeah, I am,” he pauses. “But, your cheeks get all rosy when I do. I think it’s cute.”

His eyes light up. He still hasn’t gotten used to Yoongi using the word cute for him. Even still, he only calls Yoongi pretty because, well, he is. He’s cute, too. But, pretty just suits him. Hearing Yoongi call him cute makes him flustered. The butterflies in his stomach are in a total frenzy.

They continue eating their meal in silence, glancing up at each other from time to time, sneaking little smiles in. The waiter approaches not too long after, a check in hand. Hoseok already told Yoongi he would be paying tonight since he was the one who asked him out and plus, Yoongi paid on their day trip. Once the waiter returns, check and Hoseok’s card in hand, he says something that sends the boy into a complete downward spiral. 

“I’m sorry to ask this but are you Jung Hoseok?” he asks.

“Um, yes?” he answers, a bit confused.

The waiter lifts a hand to his heart. “Oh, um, I just wanted to say I’m sorry.”

“For what? You were great tonight.”

“Thank you,” he nervously chuckles. “It’s just… my friend was Choi Jeonghyun. He was the one who-.”

Hoseok cuts him off. “Who was driving the car.”

“Yes,” the waiter nods. “I know I don’t have a place here but I’m sorry, on his behalf. I’m sorry for his actions and what it took from you.”

Yoongi can see Hoseok beginning to freeze. He can feel his leg bouncing up and down as well. He’s about to have a panic attack if the elder doesn’t get him out of here. He stands from his chair, catching the waiter’s attention. 

“I’m sorry, we have to go. We’re late for an event.”

The waiter bows, watching as Yoongi takes Hoseok by the hand and pulls him out of the restaurant. The cold air is enough to give Hoseok a moment to breathe but he still feels panicky. Yoongi has seen it happen too many times. He knows it’s far from over. He pulls the younger with him, taking him into a small alleyway. It’s just light enough where they can see the other but just secluded enough to give them some privacy.

Hoseok’s breathing has increased, causing him to hyperventilate. His back is against the wall, his head leaning back against it. Yoongi grips both of his hands, intertwining their fingers. “Hobah, Hobah, look at me.”

His glossy eyes open, looking right into Yoongi’s starry eyed ones. 

“Hey, just breathe. It’s okay. You’re okay.” He pauses, taking deep breaths. “Breathe with me, okay?” He watches the younger attempt to match their breathing but it doesn’t work. 

Hoseok hasn’t heard the driver’s name since the accident. He didn’t think he’d ever have to again unless he said it himself. His vision is starting to go blurry and he’s sure he’s about to black out. Even Yoongi’s hands clutching his own can't seem to ground him. He’s a mess. He’s a mess in front of Yoongi. That’s the last person he wants to be a mess in front of.

On the other hand, Yoongi is staying right with him. He isn’t going anywhere. He’s trying to slow his breathing but can’t manage to do it. He’s squeezing his hands tight, trying to bring the boy back to him. It dawns on Yoongi that he remembers a technique for moments like this. It’s not entirely accurate and doesn't always work but it can. If someone is hyperventilating and can’t slow their breathing, kiss them. So, he does just that.

He presses his lips against Hoseok’s and the boy's eyes go wide. It only lasts a few seconds before both boys slowly pull back. 

“Are you okay?” Yoongi asks, hesitant for the answer.

“I think so.” He looks down at his hands, still squeezing Yoongi’s. He pulls his hands free slowly. “How did you know that would work?”

“I didn’t. I saw it once. It slows your breathing and helps put your focus on something else.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

He pauses before talking. “Are you okay that it happened? I mean, that we just-.”

“Kissed?” Hoseok nods, shyly. “Yeah. I wish it would’ve been under different circumstances, though.”

“Me, too.” 

“Well, next time we can make sure it’s better timing.”

His eyes go wide. “Next time?” Yoongi nods. “You want there to be a next time?”

“Do you not want that?”

“No, no, I do.”

“Okay, good. Me, too.”

“Good.” Hoseok smiles, taking Yoongi’s hand in his again. “I told you a date would be good to help figure things out.”

He playfully nudges him, “oh, shush.” 

The two walk hand-in-hand back to Hoseok’s home, leaning into each other to keep warm from the cold night air. Once they’re back in front of his door, Yoongi stops.

“I should probably go home.”

“You don’t want to come in?” He slightly pouts. 

Yoongi raises his hands, “no, I do. I just think that whatever this is between us, we should take it slow.”

“You’ve come over before, Yoon. And, you’ve stayed the night.”

“I know but this is different. I think there’s a lot we both need to think about and I don’t want to rush anything.” Yoongi wants to add that he knows Hoseok is going through a rough time right now and needs to deal with that first before a relationship but he stops himself from doing so. It’s not the right time for that. 

The younger bites his cheek. “I guess you’re right.”

“But, hey,” Yoongi’s voice is soft and gentle. “Just so you’re not worrying all night… I do like you, Hoseok. I’m still figuring out the logistics but I do like you.”

“I like you, too.”

“Good, it’d be bad if we went into this date with you liking me and came out of it with you not liking me. I’d be kind of disappointed in myself.”

He playfully shoves the boy, a smile on his face. “Oh, shut up. You were the perfect date.”

“Perfect, huh?” He feigns cockiness. 

“Perfect,” he repeats, letting Yoongi step closer.

The two are just inches apart. “Perfect?” He asks again, eyes soft and voice kind.

“Yeah, perfect,” he reaffirms before the elder presses a light kiss to his lips. It’s crazy to him how perfectly their lips fit. Everything about him is just… perfect. 

When he pulls back, there’s a smile on his face already. “I’ll text you when I’m home, okay? I know you like to know when I’m safe.”

“I do. Friends or more. I like to know.”

He chuckles. “You’re something else, Jung Hoseok.”

“I know,” he smiles, little dimples peeking through. “It’s part of my charm.”

━━━━━━

In the weeks following their first date, Hoseok and Yoongi have become closer. They’ve been on a handful of dates, just grabbing dinner or seeing a movie, like they used to. This time it’s just classified as a date, rather than hanging out. It’s a comfortable spot to be in. Neither feel the need to rush things. Hoseok likes that he can be himself around Yoongi. If he wants to compliment his smile, he can. If he wants to reach out and grab his hand, he can. And, usually, Yoongi will let him. 

Yoongi likes it, too. He likes being around Hoseok in this setting. It’s weird for him, though. He isn’t used to really admiring his best friend like this. He isn’t used to leaning over and kissing away a pout or playing with his hair while they cuddle on the couch. Part of him feels like it’s not what should be happening but he knows it’s what he wants to happen. He’s still struggling to push away the thoughts and teachings from what he’s learned growing up. Hoseok has been good for him in that sense. 

The younger has come to terms with his sexuality a lot faster than Yoongi has. He’s comfortable admitting that he likes Yoongi and he’s comfortable telling people that he has an attraction to other guys. He thinks bisexual suits him best, since he still feels something towards women but he’s okay with that. He likes being bisexual. If it means he gets to keep holding onto Yoongi and never letting go, he’s okay with that. 

Hoseok has been wanting to come to terms with what happened, with the accident. He hasn’t let all of those feelings in just yet. He wants to, though. He knows it’s going to hurt and hurt bad but with Yoongi by his side, he knows it’s going to be okay. Yoongi’s always been his safe place. 

“Hobah,” the elder starts, sitting criss-crossed across from the boy. The younger is scrunched up against his headboard while Yoongi sits at the end of the bed. “Are you sure? It can always wait.”

“I’m sure. I need to talk about it.”

“Okay, just take your time. I’m not going anywhere,” he gives a kind smile. 

The younger returns the smile, his tiny dimples peeking through. “I don’t know where to start really.”

“Just tell me how you feel. You keep a lot of that to yourself.”

“It’s just easier that way, you know?” He poses the question. “I don’t want to make it anyone else’s problem since it’s mine. I was supposed to protect him. I thought I could. The car… it just came out of nowhere. I had maybe a second to react before it all went dark. I just remember losing control and seeing him reach out for me.”

Yoongi can see the emotions beginning to pour out of him like an overflowing cup. He scoots closer, reaching for his hand. He clutches it in his, keeping his eyes locked on his friend. “You protected him as best you could, Hobi. Sometimes things happen that are out of our control.”

“I should’ve done more, though. I should’ve reacted sooner.”

“You couldn’t have known what was coming.”

“My family puts a lot of blame on me. I know they say they don’t but they do. My parents, they look at me so differently now. And, even my grandparents. I can see how much they miss him. I don’t think they even care how I feel. I don’t think they care that I miss him just as much.”

He squeezes his hand. “I’m sure they do.”

“And, people that aren’t even my family… they blame me. They think I killed him. They think I deserve to be upset because of what I did.” He looks up, eyes glossy. “Did I kill my brother, Yoon?”

“Hobah, no. No, you didn’t,” he squeezes his hands even tighter.

“Yoon, I miss him so much,” he sobs. “He meant everything to me. And, I just, I let him slip away from me.”

“Hey, shh, it’s okay,” he mumbles, leaning over to hug him. 

The embrace lasts for a few seconds before Yoongi pulls back. He wipes Hoseok’s cheeks, ridding them of tears. 

“And, god, I hate him so much, Yoon. Why does he get to live when my brother doesn’t? How is that fair?” Tears restain his cheeks, practically drenching them.

Yoongi grips his hands tight, leaning forward to put himself at eye level with him. “Hey, listen to me. What he’s doing right now, rotting away in a cell? That isn’t living, Hoseok. He doesn’t get to live. And, I’ll make sure he never gets to leave, even if I have to do it all by myself. Okay?”

“He always liked you, you know that?” He sniffles, letting out a small laugh. Yoongi tilts his head. “Hoseong. He always liked you.”

“He did?” 

“Yeah. He’d always ask about how you were  when I’d visit you or he’d always ask me to tell him stories about you. He wouldn’t stop talking about you after you visited those few times.”

Yoongi lightly chuckles. “Well, I’m glad I made such a good impression. He was a good kid. He had a bright future ahead of him.”

“He was.” Hoseok says and for the first time in a long time, Yoongi sees him smile when talking about his brother. At this moment, Yoongi can see things starting to turn around for his best friend. “He would’ve been quite the heart throb of his class, I think.”

“Yeah?” He laughs. “He took after you in that aspect.”

Hoseok lightly pushes at Yoongi’s chest, making them both giggle. “Do you think he’s happy right now? Wherever he is?”

Yoongi displays the brightest smile he’s ever shown. “I know he is. Plus, if he liked me as much as you say he did, I’m sure he’s looking at both of us and is happier than ever.”

“I hope so. Because, I’m so happy right now. And, I feel guilty for being happy when he isn’t here but I think he would want me to keep going, be with people who make me happy. People like you.”

“I think so, too, Hobi.” The elder leans forward, lips perfectly puckered. Hoseok accepts the silent invitation, gently kissing him. Yoongi smiles into the kiss, talking against his lips, “hey, thanks for sharing all of that with me. I know it wasn’t easy.”

Hoseok pulls back, “you’re my safe place, Yoon. You always have been.” 

“Jung Hoseok, you are something so special,” he sweetly replies, kissing him gently once more.

━━━━━━

“Are you sure you’re ready for this?” Taehyung asks, standing in the doorframe to Yoongi’s room.

“I’m positive,” he glances at his friend through the mirror. “I can’t explain it but I just know I am.”

“Dating is a lot more complicated than just being friends.”

“I know.”

Taehyung moves forward into the room, sitting on the desk chair nearest his friend. “And, you’re sure you’re ready for that? Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s great that you’ve come to terms with feelings and sexuality and all of that. I wholeheartedly support that and you, but I just want to make sure you’re not rushing into anything.”

Yoongi fixes his last piece of hair in the mirror before turning to his friend. “You’re being a good friend, Tae. I know that. But, these past few months have been the biggest eye opener for me. Figuring out that one, I like guys and two, I like Hoseok has been kind of like a fairy tale. It doesn’t seem real, if that makes sense?” His friend nods along. “But, I do know that we’re in a good place. We’re open with each other and our feelings. We’ve both grown a lot since the day I saw those pictures. He makes me feel happy. We were best friends before all of this and if it goes south, I like to believe we’ll still be best friends after. He’s my safe space.”

“You’ve come a long way from gay panicking on my couch,” Taehyung chuckles. Yoongi makes a face in return. “I’m proud of you, Min. I’m sure Hoseok will be thrilled to be your boyfriend.”

“I hope so.”

“Now, once you do that, can you find me one because a man is desperate for some action.”

Yoongi shoves at his friend, nearly knocking him off the chair. 

An hour later, Yoongi is at Hoseok’s home, enjoying a meal, courtesy of the younger himself. Yoongi arrived mid-cooking and he didn’t mind watching the show. He’s pretty sure he could watch him cook in his cute strawberry clad apron all day long. He’s always loved the apron, thought it was an adorable little habit of his best friends. Now he just sees it in a different light. It’s still absolutely adorable though.

“How was it?” Hoseok asks, finishing up his food. 

“It was good, thank you for cooking. I promise I’ll cook next time.”

“You are a very good cook. It’d be nice to get more meals out of you,” he lightly pokes the boys side. 

Yoongi’s eyes follow him to the sink, watching him meticulously clean up the mess he made while cooking. He always offers to help clean but the younger never allows him to. Something about, “just sit back and keep enjoying the show”. And, who is Yoongi to say no to that?

It isn’t until they’re cuddling on the couch thirty minutes later that Yoongi finally builds up the courage to say something to his friend. He threads his fingers through the boy's brown hair. “Hobi?”

“Hm?” he answers, not bothering to look up at the elder. 

“Can I ask you something?”

He keeps his focus on the TV. “What is it, Yoon?”

“Um, it’s kind of serious.”

That gets Hoseok’s attention. He pushes himself up, turning his body to face Yoongi. His facial expression reads concern, head slightly tilted. Yoongi’s mad at himself for only focusing on how adorable he looks when he does that. 

“I don’t really know how to say it,” he mumbles, hands shaking. Hobi notices immediately.

“Hey, why’re you so nervous. It’s just me, Yoon,” he softly smiles, attempting to comfort him. 

Yoongi takes a deep breath, grounding himself. He lets go of any worry he has, only focusing on his best friend in front of him. “Do you want to be my boyfriend?”

He pauses for a minute before answering. “Isn’t that what we’ve been doing?” His voice is warm. 

“Wait, have we? I didn’t, I didn’t think you liked me that much. Wait, am I missing something?”

Hoseok smiles and then, (AND, THEN!) he chuckles. It takes Yoongi off-guard. He looks hurt. Why is he laughing at him? The younger reaches up, cupping his face. He squishes his cheeks delicately, an award-winning smile on his face. Suddenly, he lets go, standing from the couch. He extends a hand, not saying anything. His face reads, “just take my hand, you idiot”. So, Yoongi does. Hoseok leads him back towards his bedroom, sitting him on the end of the bed while he digs through one of his bedside table drawers. When he finally turns back around, he’s clutching a tiny photo album. He hands it to the elder, who cautiously takes it. 

Yoongi flips through, seeing the photos of him from the day they traveled. He doesn’t know what it’s supposed to mean. 

“Do you know why I took those?” 

“Because, you think I’m pretty?” He answers innocently. 

Hoseok cups his cheek for a brief moment. “Well, yes. But, Yoon, it’s because I liked you. I didn't quite understand it then but I think in the back of my mind I knew. I think I did even before that day. So, yes, of course I like you that much. Are you crazy?” He giggles. 

“But, have we been dating this whole time and I didn’t know it?” He pouts.

God, Hoseok wants to just plant little kisses all over his face and never stop. “Yoonie, I literally called you my boyfriend on the phone in front of you last week.”

“You did?!” He’s so innocent. “I didn’t even notice!”

“Exactly, because we’ve practically been dating for a while now. It doesn't phase you because it's become a normality for us.”

He sulks, shoulders dropping. “Well, now I feel like I’ve been a bad boyfriend.”

Hoseok rolls his eyes, pushing the boy back onto the bed, making him lay flat. He removes the photo album from his hands before climbing on top of him, straddling his lap. He lowers his face, leaving only inches of distance between their faces. “Min Yoongi, you are the most perfect boyfriend that I could’ve ever asked for.”

“Perfect?” He feigns the same cockiness that he had when he dropped Hoseok off after their first date.

“Perfect.”

“Perfect?” He softens his voice, hands naturally falling onto the boy’s waist.

He doesn’t bother answering. The gentle connection of his lips onto the elder’s speaks louder than any words ever could. 

Hoseok smiles into the kiss. He almost wishes he could take a picture of this moment. 

Him and his pretty (and perfect) boyfriend.