Chapter Text
“Eighteen thousand, six hundred, and seventy-two,” I said finally.
We were relaxing for the next few hours before I got called in to Chan’s room for the next Jump, and I’d been quiet for the last ten minutes, tallying it all up.
“I proposed marriage, either to marry me or to marry others, 18,672 times in the past decade,” I continued. “And there weren't nearly as many puns. I was promised punning but everyone just tried to rhyme instead. It was very disappointing.”
Lillie just shook her head and kept stroking Evil, who had claimed her lap for his nap.
“I’m with you, dad,” Archie said, huddling in a blanket and not showing most of his face. “Puns would have been far less disjointing.”
I scowled are the small figure on the other end of the couch. I could tell the little bugger was smirking at me. He’d been the one rhyming at me most. Half the time people hadn’t even realised he was there until he chimed in with a rhyming non-sequitur.
“Keep that up and I’ll ask Chan to insert us right now,” I told him.
“Really? Oh wow!”
“Cheeky little bastard,” I chuckled, ruffling his head as I got up.
The whole decade had been pretty fun and relaxing, even our piracy was fairly lighthearted with no casualties. We didn’t really need the next six hours to cool off like we had after Animorphs. Honestly, a few days would’ve been nice after that snafu, but a few hours is all we get.
I knocked on Chan’s door, which opened soundlessly to reveal my enigmatic benefactor sitting in a swivel chair, wearing a deerstalker hat and smoking an amusingly large pipe.
“So it’s Sherlock Holmes next?” I asked, wondering which incarnation of the world’s most famous literary detective I’d be meeting. There were as many adaptations of Doyle’s detective as there were Pokémon, I doubted there would just be a single Jump to cover them all.
“Close, but no cigar,” she replied, grinning at me with the pipe still between her teeth. “There’s far too much iconic detective fiction around for it to be encased in one Jump, but not all their Jumps are available at the moment, so instead you get to be the Great Detective.”
She handed over the JumpPad and I saw that it was titled just that, with an odd intro that said very little and basically told me this was plain old Earth and I would be a detective. Very helpful.
At least the world map told me I was going in at the dawn of the 21st Century, and had seven pins stuck in it, including Sydney. I’d visited my home city a few times during Animorphs, and even went to the young colony during Princess Bride, but it’d be nice to start off there this time as that would set my nationality to Aussie rather than American as it had been the last couple times I’d been on a contemporary Earth. That said, two pins were in America, in Chicago and Miami, the others being in Tokyo, Hong Kong, London, and Lyon. I hit the button to tell me where I was going, and ended up in Lyon, France, where I was likely to get wines, cheeses, gentleman thieves, and Interpol agents.
There were three origins that cost 100 each, plus the free Drop In choice, each describing a different detective archetype. Drop In was the seemingly harmless Miss Marple, Consultant was the cerebral Sherlock Holmes, Hardboiled was the detective noir PI, and Pro was the official police officer. It was obvious which one I was gonna pick.
I locked in Consultant and was told I’d be starting as a 25 year old woman for this Jump. Not too bad, I was 25 when I left origin, but it was incredible to me that my male to female ratio was exactly even after half a dozen flips. That’s some rather inexplicable odds. I wondered if this was going to be like Rosencrantz and Guildenstern or the Luteces. Then again, those coins were always the same, even in the triple digits, so not exactly the same, but I was rambling, distracting myself from the task at hand.
I hummed in thought, trying to decide what order to do things in. Should I see if there are Companion imports first, or maybe check out the drawbacks? Or should I just scroll down through the document and see what’s what. Hmmm... drawbacks, then companions, I think.
I scrolled all the way to the end to see what horrors awaited me.
Cthulhuian horrors apparently. With an 800CP limit, I could fill most of it with I Wear No Mask. Taken at face value, it would make me think the Chain was a dream and make me the only detective investigating cattle mutilations, kidnappings, art students with nightmares, and dead astronomers. If you read the seemingly random capitalised letters though, it read HOWARD PHILLIPS LOVECRAFT WEEPS FOR YOU. Yeah, no thanks.
The other 600 was also out. Eliminate the Impossible locked out all my cool powers, including whatever came in this Jump, made sure there’d be plenty of weird and inexplicable crimes, and make me disbelieve anything that wasn’t explained by circa 2000 science and logic. I did not like the idea of having my mind messed with, and taking away my powers was a big no-no. I didn’t want to lose the biggest edge I’ve got, especially if weird shit started going down.
Far more reasonable was Not Playing by Knox, which set a global conspiracy into play and put me on their trail. That’s 300 of the 800 I need.
An easy 200 in the bank was Compulsion, which gave me a series of tics or a fixation on a particular object. I have that naturally, so I might as well get CP for it.
Another easy choice was Chust a Ztoopud Ashent, or more understandably, Just a Stupid Accent, which gave me, you guessed it, a thick accent. Easy 100.
That brought me to 600 of the 800 I needed, and none of the rest were particularly enticing. I know they’re drawbacks, but still. Excessive murders, jumping to bad conclusions, assassins who don’t care about collaterals, an obsession with an unsolvable cold case, and physical illness for not solving every puzzle I come across. You can see why I picked Vigilantes. Having a bunch of Batman wannabes running around is almost reasonable by comparison.
With my drawback quota filled, I went looking for companion imports, and found a very nice selection. First and foremost was Watson, I Presume, which cost 300 and gave my partner in crime solving 1200 to spend. The only question was who would be the Watson to my Holmes, the Murphy to my Dresden, the Graham to my Lecter? Although that last comparison has some unfortunate implications. Regardless, the answer was rather obvious. It had to be Lillie.
Following on from one famous crime solving reference was another, a group import named for the most well known group of mystery solvers. Meddling Kids let me import half a dozen companions, with at least one of them going in as an animal of some kind. It was only 100 and I could buy it multiple times, so I got it twice and imported all the Pokémon, giving everyone except Granita and Sparkles human forms. Those two got new dog forms instead, and they all got a free background and 600 to spend.
“So how do my companions make purchases?” I asked, wondering if they’d all have to come in here, or if I could finally go out and join them.
“Well most of them don’t, darlin’,” Chan replied, tilting her head as if confused by the question. “Only sapient Companions can make their own choices, and since only eight of them have human forms so far, the others who started off as non-sapients aren’t recognised by the system yet. You’ll have to fill in most of their purchases, like any owner buying things for their pets. That being said, you do have final say on each of their builds.”
“So does that mean they’ll all come in here or do you go to them?”
“Oh, neither. You finish up and I’ll give you some Companion Tablets to hand out, much easier that way,” she said, waving her hand at me to continue, then turned to the half-pillar in the centre of the room which was equal parts computer, 3D printer, altar, and cinderblock. From what I understood, it wasn’t necessary for anything, but it streamlined the whole process.
I shrugged and went back to completing my build. With drawbacks and companions sorted out, I still had 3200CP to work with. The free perk for Consultant was Got it Memorised, which was exactly what it said on the tin. It enhanced my memory storage, improved my memory retention, and gave me the option to delete memories. Not bad for doing most of what I got from Savant in Pokéworld. It’ll be a nice boost, and I never turn down a chance to improve my mind.
Speaking of mind improvements, Drop Ins and Consultants both got discount on Fancy Book Learnin’, which was a tiered perk that gave a boost to knowledge absorption and information. The first tier was odd knowledge, like flight patterns of birds, the second was foreign knowledge, like the customs of Egyptian Turks, and the final tier was secret or private information, like the bastard children of politicians or identities of bombers. I happily dropped 300CP for the top tier. Easily learning that kind of information was invaluable.
Also a Coroner and Written On Their Face were paired at a discounted 150 each. Coroner gave me skills at figuring out details surrounding a corpse, including how, when, where, if there were people nearby, and maybe even their feelings. WOTF gave me a sixth sense for discomfort, letting me see people’s subconscious, whether they’re lying, what they believe is true, and if they've killed recently. Both incredibly helpful, so in the basket they went.
The capstones, discounted at 300 each, weren’t just paired, but synergised, combining to be a super perk. The Look was the final word in detective vision, the ultimate eye in single glance analysis, and tell spotting and targeting. It was limited by knowledge, and paired with superhuman memory it would push me close to omniscience. And what a coincidence! Mental Palaces just happened to to be the finest mind and memory perk around! It gave nigh infinite mental capacity and the ability to create flawless mental constructs, letting me rehearse speeches and completely reconstruct crime scenes in my mind.
As a nice little bonus, they both had post-Jump extras, Look letting me focus and fine tune my gaze for extra information, and Mental Palaces letting me pull people into my mind once a day for up to a day.
After buying all the discounted perks I still had 2000CP left. I went to look at the items, and was surprised at how small the selection was. There were only ten items, including a universal freebie. Eleven, if you counted Informants, which was technically a companion option but not one that gave you actual companions.
The universal freebie was a Detective’s Notebook, which was guaranteed to never be permanently lost, damaged, or out of pages, and came with an updating index and a pen with infinite ink.
As a Consultant, I also got The Hat for free, which was a stylish, ever-clean, and always in season hat that made me feel clear headed and quick witted when I wore it, as if I’d had a full good night’s sleep. I imported my hat from Pokémon as an akubra, which I’d always thought looked cool.
Despite the small selection, they were all interesting and quite useful in their own ways. For 50CP, there was a blacklight torch, which showed if there was ever blood and if it was cleaned, and a bulletproof vest, which was basically just a bulletproof vest, albeit a self-repairing one. Everything else cost 100CP, including a magnifying glass that showed evidence, clue hints, secret doors, and ghosts; a badge that gave authority in any jurisdiction or plane of existence and allowed free interrogation once a day; a hip flask that could hold an infinite amount of any one liquid and would stop a fatal blow once a week; a forensics kit that did in minutes what would normally take hours and always had enough supplies for any crime scene; a taser with settings that ranged from bug zapper to stopping two bull elephants, and was guaranteed to be non-lethal; and a stack of papers that always had the right passports, stamps, bribes, and VIPs to get in anywhere and cross any border in the world without any hassle. And, of course, there were the Informants for 25CP apiece, each purchase gaining you a new one or upgrading them to a more important position.
Good informants are hard to find, so buying a couple here would make things easier down the line. I bought two Informants, keeping them at first tier of beggars and junkies, then dropped 250CP on getting the Little Zeus taser, the Forensics Kit, and the Blacklight Torch.
With my remaining 2700, I scrolled back up to the perks to mine the other backgrounds for any gems they may have.
I skimmed the Hardboiled line first, because that would’ve been my second choice, and found a few nice bits. For 100 was Rough and Tumble, which was bar fight etiquette, along with the toughness to put down a drunk gorilla and the strength to haul it to the curb outside. It was a very nice little buff to what I could do already, and synergised nicely with the three-tiered perk Hardboiled shared with Pro.
Time in the Army gave me knowledge and experience with lethal fighting, as well as a reputation for strength. First tier was combat experience that let me hold my own in any sudden encounter, second tier was enough to make fighting ten men a light warmup, and the third tier put me among the ten deadliest fighters in the world. I put down 400CP to buy the second tier, and if there wasn’t anything else I wanted I’d be back for the third.
The last thing I got from the Hardboiled line was Fool Me Once for 300, which made it impossible for anyone to use the same trick twice on me. If they tried anything I’d seen before, I’d already have an effective counter for it. I could still be blindsided, but there’d be no repeat performance.
Drop In was similarly furnished with lovely little bits and pieces. Harmless Enough was 100 and made me skilled at appearing beneath notice or suspicion, another nice little boost to what I could already do.
After getting that, I spent 600CP on the paired midrange perks Blunt Object and Just Between You and Me. Blunt Object made me immune to seduction, manipulation, and malicious trickery, as well as giving me a harder head and strengthening my mental defences. I was essentially immune to seduction anyway due to my general obliviousness - I never have a clue if people are interested in me unless they spell it out or, like in Infamous, start making out with me in public - but immunity to manipulation and malicious trickery is incredible for a mere 300. JBYaM was another one that took what I could kinda do and made it into a useful skill. While people generally like to talk to me, for whatever bizarre reason, JBYaM made it so that people liked to tell me secrets, even the most tight-lipped villains would spill their guts to me after a relatively short chat.
With my last 200CP burning a hole in my pocket, I couldn’t get anything big from the Pro line, and nothing from it made me want to swap out what I’d already bought. The 100 item was Infinite Patience, which was exactly what it said on the tin, but there was also a general pool of undiscounted perks, and Trapmaker was looking pretty fun. Able to make lethal and non lethal traps suitable for man or beast from anything I can find? I think that’s a pretty good use of my last 200.
“Alright, I think I’m ready,” I told Chan, looking up from my tablet.
“Hand these out to your Companions. They’ll automatically update with Companion Points, and you can either check them off using them or your own,” she said as she handed me two stacks of tablets that were each about half the size of the one I used.
I nodded and rejoined the others. They were a little surprised since they, like me, had simply assumed that all imports would be like Princess Bride’s and I would pick a background for them and they’d get freebies.
Since Granita and Sparkles were going to be the animals in the Meddling Kids groups, I figured I’d fill out their builds as a demonstration for the others. Obviously the others could animals if they wanted, but I was pretty sure they’d go for human
I made Sparkles a Drop In, which got him Harmless Enough for free, not that he needed it. One look at that little yellow face would tell you he was completely guileless. I also gave him Time in the Army at level one, because it’d boost his already formidable Pokémon battle skills, and Just Between You and Me, because who doesn’t like talking to dogs?
For free items, he got the Detective’s Notebook, which would probably get used as a chew toy, and a Looking Glass, which would be even less useful to him, but maybe I’d borrow it. I also bought him the Vest because I didn’t like the idea of him getting shot.
With the last 200, I got him Infinite Patience, which did what it said on the tin and was something the excitable thunder pup could use, and Rough and Tumble, for the same reason I got him TitA.
With Sparkles done, I started on Granita. While it would’ve cost me 100CP, making her a Pro was free. She got the Infinite Patience free, but she was in less need of it than he. She was a big scary looking wolf ‘mon, so I gave her Harmless Enough so she wouldn’t intimidate people when she didn’t want to. I also got her two levels of Army Time, because while being a police dog suited her well, the perks didn’t really lend themselves well to an animal. That being said, I did give her Taking Over for 150 because I thought it’d be hilarious. It gave her the power to take over any investigation in any jurisdiction. I also got her the 100 general perk Trust Me, I’m a Detective for much the same reason. It was a projected aura of competence and confidence that would cut through red tape and part a crowd. With her last 50, I got her the Vest as well, to go with the free Notebook and Badge.
Now that they understood, the human (or human-shaped) companions were given their ComPads to fill out their builds while I helped those who would be gaining human forms.
Gladys was first and, to my great unsurprise, chose Hardboiled, getting Rough and Tumble free. She also took all three levels of Time in the Army, making her one of the ten deadliest fighters in the world. She then spent herself out on one of the Hardboiled capstones, Temp Noir, which sharpened her animal instincts and subconscious, highlighting any threat, cue, or clue in her vision, and for some reason also gave her self-narration in a gravelly voice. It would boost her reaction times tenfold and double her damage tolerance. During the Jump it would be activated by danger or the scent of blood, but post-Jump could be activated at-will.
“Now I can stop anyone trying to hurt you, boss,” she said, her glowing amber eyes staring at me. I had to give her a hug for that. She may be genderless, but she’s such a good girl.
She also got the Notebook and a Hip Flask, but she didn’t seem to care about those so much.
Next was Mort, looking a little nervous. This was obviously going to be a world with more than a little conflict, and he wasn’t looking forward to that. He could accept sparring matches and friendly wrestling, but actual fights still made him nervous.
He decided to be a Drop In, thinking Harmless Enough would allow him to get about without fighting. He then took both capstones, Nick of Time and Beggars Belief. NoT gave him the timing Gandalf claimed to have, always arriving exactly when he needed to, never missing a major event. Post-Jump, he could focus on specific events or dial it back if he wanted. BB was incredible detective luck, letting him overhear the right conversations, duck an assassin’s bullet, or catch the fastest taxi. It would even save him from near-certain death, like a point-blank explosion, though that much luck required a week long cool down. The synergy was what prompted him to take them both though.
“I think that combined, they should let me get to where things are about to happen, that way we can stop it and there will not be any problems,” he said, cocking his giant bird head and looking at me hopefully with his big milky-blue eyes.
I agreed it seemed likely and scratched his fuzzy sickle-shaped feelers, earning me an appreciative bloodcurdling cooing noise. He really is an adorable avatar of death.
The last one who needed my help was Nebby, and she took the same things as Mort. Her reasoning was a little different though.
“I’ve always been lucky, first when Lillie found me and then even luckier when Lillie found you, so this is going to make me even luckier!” She explained, sounding very excited about it. I did agree that luck was good, and if it had been cheaper I might’ve gotten the perk too, but I preferred to rely on skill than have it turn out I was out of luck at the wrong time.
“And I got Nick’s Time because I can’t open portals anymore, even within the same world,” she continued, her mood shifting to annoyance. “I thought that this might make up for it since I’ll get where I want when I’m in a hurry.”
With those three finished, I just needed to confirm the other Pokémon’s builds.
Chazza and Cera were both Pros, getting Infinite Patience free and both with two Army Times and Taking Over, as well as the free Notebooks and Badges. Chazza had also taken Profiler, which would let him put together an accurate profile of a criminal by examining the crime scene, a mid-level Informant, and the Vest; whereas Cera had gotten Rough and Tumble, Trust Me, and the Blacklight Torch.
Toddles had gone Hardboiled, netting Rough and Tumble free, and grabbed two levels of Army Time, Fool Me Once, and Cast Iron Gut, which gave him a sixth sense for when he missed something or if he’s in trouble. It also came with jazz bass sound cues and let him live off smokes, liquor, and gravel. It wasn’t protein shakes, falcon eggs, and rocks, but to each their own. He finished off his purchases with a Forensics Kit to go with his Notebook and Hip Flask.
Cuddles joined the legendaries as a Drop In, but only picked up its freebie and a level of Fancy Learnin’. He grabbed Rough and Tumble, a fun little 100 general perk called Fuzzy Thinking, which gave him a knack for out-of-the-box thinking, and a very interesting 300 one called Spirit of the City, which gave him a Vimes-like connection to one city per Jump, as well as let him talk to that city’s personification.
Borealis, Archie, and Sally were all Consultants like me. Archie and Sally took Coroner, but Borealis passed it over in favour of two levels of Book Learnin’. She also took Mental Palace and the Little Zeus. Archie picked up Look, Harmless Enough, and the Blacklight Torch; he’d also specified for his free Hat to be a motorbike helmet with a blacked out visor, still keeping himself as hidden as possible. Sally took On Their Face and an odd 300CP general perk, Cards and Crystals, which gave her fortune telling abilities that were highly accurate, but only when used for an investigation or crime.
And last, but certainly not least, was my partner in crime, Lillie. She’d gone for Drop In and had gone almost all in on the perk line, getting Harmless Enough, the second tier of Book Learnin’, Blunt Object, Between You and Me, and Nick of Time, but had left off Beggars Belief in favour of Memorised, Rough & Tumble, and Infinite Patience. To cap it all off, she bought Papers Please, which would always have the right mix of passports, stamps, VIP passes, and bribes to get us anywhere in the world.
And that was that. I looked back over my build, seeing if there was anything I wanted to change, but I was pretty happy with it, so I told the others to get ready, and hit the Insert button.
I awoke in a comfy chair on the balcony outside my office/apartment, my hat pulled over my eyes from when I’d dozed off in the warm evening the night before.
I got up and stretched, idly noting I was wearing a dark red flannel shirt over a tight tank top which clung to my torso. I scratched my bum through what seemed to be cut-off jean shorts as I made my way to the bathroom to splash some water on my face. The ice cold water woke me up, and gave a little bump of energy.
“Alright, let’s see what we’re working with,” I muttered to myself as I wiped a towel over my face, then paused as I heard my voice.
I slowly raised my head, looked at my reflection, and saw myself properly for the first time. Between the Aussie flag stretched tight across my tits, my bottle-blonde hair, and the hoop earrings a small dog could jump through, I looked like a side character from Housos or Kath & Kim.
“Bloody hell,” I swore in my thick ocker accent, “I’m a fucken bogan.”