Chapter Text
When the Ershu team came back from the underwater ground, my gaze swept across everyone wondering where Xiaoge was because he couldn’t find the man dressed in black attire.
They returned three days later then promised, Wu xie knew going underground would have them trapped somewhere or they met with some unknown entity which may have been the reason for their late coming up back to the surface. Wu xie wasn’t allowed to go down the river because of his health that alone made him anxious, but he had calmed himself down that Xiaoge was going along with Hei-yi and they would all be alright, I instead would just put them in danger,
So patiently I waited for 1 day …..
2 days went by
And
then came the 3rd day.
At around mid 6, Ershu came up following the line of men that entered the tomb with him.
I didn't bother counting the heads of men that went down, my only focus was on the black silhouette, but I couldn’t find the said man anywhere and I for once in these past three days felt tremendous unease over the situation. As I tried to make my way towards the threshold, at that time I found everyone’s looking at me, their eyes showing pity and remorse. My heart squeezes and I feel a sting of pain.
I muster up my courage to ask where is he? But my mouth can’t form words and they are glued together.
I want to know where he is but at the same time the feeling of being kept in the dark that had never sounded that good to me. Today I rather stay in the dark then know the answer to my question.
I finally open my mouth to ask the lingering question that is hanging in mind
“Where is Xiao ge?”
No one answers, they are all frozen in place. I repeat the question even with lumps forming in my throat, my mind begging me not to say anything, I ask again
“Where is Xiao ge?”
But then Kanjian comes with tearful eyes saying, “He didn’t make it”
Not believing what he said, I ask again for clarification with an unusually calm voice, wondering how did I sound that calm. But the answer remains the same
Kanjian is shaking and saying both Xiao ge and Hei-ye are gone. they met something they’ve never seen before in the tomb. And they didn’t return
I cannot move and I freeze when listening to him, the next thing I know that I am walking towards where Er-shu is and slams the table where he is sitting and coldly looks at him.
My eyes are definitely full of hate and anger and the most pressing concern in my mind, where is he? Is he actually gone? Did he really leave me alone?
“All these years he has been okay and why is it in your hands, he just disappears. What were you doing down there!!!”
I don't know how loud I sound, maybe I am shouting or on the verge of just falling down and breaking up but these words need to be said.
I look at the men, my uncle’s men waiting for an answer they are not providing and then I scoff, truly they are Wu Erbai men.
“Wuxie, have you seen his body?”
Hearing the word body sends a chill across my bones.
“If you say, he’s gone. So have you seen his body?” his uncles says
“If you didn’t see it happen, why did you come back?”
“You’re telling me the world’s two best tomb raiders fell into a lake and drowned?"
Of Course his uncle's words do make sense, Xiao ge and Hei-yi are experts and they won’t die just by drowning but that feeling of uneasiness is still there pressing forward towards my whole body and I can’t think straight any longer. Even if they are the strongest they are still human and they can die.
At one point, with the back of his hand, I knocked over a glass of wine his Er-shu poured for me. The actions happened involuntary but I can’t think and stand here any longer and just runs out of the rent,
I need to get out and find him
I try to take a deep breath when I am outside, loosening the feeling of suffocation a bit but it’s still there, I can feel it. Trapping me once again in a state of nothingness, something crawling inside.
I try to relax though I fail but I try to straighten out the facts that there is no proof of Xiao ge and Hei-ye’s deaths meaning they are still alive. That fact alone calms him down a little however my heart still clutches not knowing about their whereabouts.
He thinks back to Kanjian's reaction when he broke the news. it was genuine. Kanjian is an honest man. Wu xie has always taught him to convey information accurately. He wonders if Er-shu was just trying to gently break the news to him, but in truth, Xiao ge really is gone.
I feel like someone is trying to suffocate me, my hands start shaking. I reached for the lighter, turning up empty pockets. never has the thought run across his mind that Xiao ge and Hei-ye could die. The two together could do anything. I drew upon my psychological techniques of the past but they don’t work any longer and could not calm me down for a second.
The thoughts of me seeing his dead body sends an unknown shiver across my whole body.
I think I am hyperventilating, I try to breathe evenly, try to calm down but I can't when I can’t find the familiar face around him. I can’t feel at ease any longer. He runs his hand down to his empty pockets for a lighter to magically appear but there is no lighter here like there is no Xiao ge, and Wu xie feels like someone took the safety of the ground from him and he can’t find solace because the person isn’t here with me.
He knows, the time between now and when he heard the news is too short. He has not had the time to let his emotions take off. He has not had the time to process and react. He's stuck between two states, and in his heart, there is only rage, a burning fire.
He leans against the sofa, carefully taking in a breath. He forces himself to say
“If I don’t calm down, the situation will only be worse. If I want the situation to get better, I must calm down,`` he said to himself countless times every day in the desert but this isn’t the desert and at that time he was alone and Xiao ge was behind the gates,
He was safe and now I don’t know where he is.
Wu Erbai forbids me from going after Xiao ge and Hei-ye. He tells him the Xie family are looking for them and most importantly Xiao hua is already on it.I calm down knowing that Xiao hau is in charge of the operation.
His uncle informs him that everyone knows of his situation. no one can be helping him and let alone was he allowed to leave. Wu xie says he won’t and gets up. Once outside, he thinks, to hell with his uncle I am going.
He finds kanjian & leans on him for support. Kanjian knows what he's thinking and tells him,
“I promised Xiao ge and Hei-ye, you have to live. they already lived enough. you still have time.”
I find my lighter and pack of cigarettes, smoking for the first in a long time.