Work Text:
I’m (Not) Ok
“Hey, has anyone seen Aang?” Katara asked nervously.
Sokka looked up at her and furrowed his eyebrows. “Yeah. He left to get me fire gummies, like, 10 minutes ago!” he said indignantly.
Katara rolled her eyes. “Um… right. I’ll check outside.”
Sure enough, Aang was moping outside on one of the balconies overlooking the ocean. “Hey,” Katara said gently. “Are you ok?”
No, I’m not ok! I hate this stupid play,” Aang shouted, throwing his hat onto the ground. That was a really risky move, considering anyone could come outside and see his tattoos.
“I know it’s frustrating, but it sounds like you’re overreacting,” Katara said.
Apparently the wrong thing to say. Aang whirled around and yelled, “Overreacting?? If I hadn’t blocked my chakra, I would be in the Avatar state right now!”
Katara didn’t know what to say to this. It still sounded like an overreaction to her, but she didn’t say that. They stood in silence for a minute until Aang turned back to face her. This time, he didn’t sound angry or frustrated, just… defeated. “Katara, did you really mean what you said in there?”
This confused her. She thought back. She and Aang hadn’t really interacted much during the play. She didn’t know what he was referring to. “In… in where? What are you talking about?”
Aang started to get worked up again. “Onstage, when you said I was like a little brother to you, and- and you didn’t- have any feelings for me.”
So that’s what this was about. Ugh, Katara did not want to deal with this right now. She tried to deflect the question. “I didn’t say that, an actor on stage said that.”
“But it’s true, isn’t it,” Aang said. “We kissed at the invasion, and I thought we were going to be together, but we’re not.”
That’s not how this works , Katara wanted to scream. Besides, that wasn’t even how it happened. They didn’t kiss, he kissed her . She decided on a safer answer. “Aang, I don’t know.”
Well, why don’t you know?” Aang demanded.
“Because- we’re in the middle of a war,” she said. I don’t want to let you down right now. You have to fight Ozai, and I’m scared that you’ll run if I tell you no. “This isn’t the right time.”
Aang started to get frustrated again. “When is the right time?” he practically shouted.
“Aang, I’m sorry, but right now, I’m just a little confused,” Katara said, nervously smoothing her hair.
The minute she closed her eyes, she felt something on her lips. Eager, insistent, almost painful. Her eyes flew open and she took a step back from Aang, touching her hand to her lips. “I just said I was confused,” Katara said angrily. “I’m going inside.”
She ran back through the doors, tears blurring her vision. No- no, she thought. I will not cry over this. I am not as bad as that stupid actress.
She didn’t pay attention to the rest of the play, and barely blinked when it predicted the spectacular, fiery death of her friends. She didn’t say anything on the walk back to the house, and barely mumbled a good night before shutting herself in her room and sitting in a ball in the corner, her arms around her legs and chin resting on her knees.
“Sugar Queen, you ok?” Toph’s voice came from outside her door.
“Yeah, I’m ok,” Katara lied.
“No, you’re not,” Toph told her. “I don’t need my earthsense to know something’s wrong. What is it?”
“It’s nothing!” Katara said again. “Please, leave me alone.”
There was a pause, like Toph was going to say something else, then her footsteps receded.
A few minutes passed, and Katara heard a knock at her door. Katara threw it open, ready to scream at Toph to leave her alone, but instead came face to face with Suki.
“Hey- uh, are you doing ok?” she asked.
Katara sat down on her bed with a huff. “I’m fine. Ugh. Lemme guess, Toph said something to you?”
“Well, yes she did say that you lied about being ok, but- you were really distant and distraught after the intermission,” Suki explained, sitting down next to Katara. “Did something happen?”
“No- well yes- but- I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Ok.” Suki was silent for a few moments. “Did it have to do with Aang?”
Katara spluttered, “What? No- yes- wait- what- why- what gave you that idea?”
“He seemed upset after intermission too, and that-” Suki gestured to Katara- “kind of confirmed it. So, spill. What happened?”
Katara sighed, resigned, and bit out, “He kissed me…” Suki gave her a ‘go on’ gesture, “after I tried to tell him I was confused.”
Suki stood straight up and two voices yelled in unison, “He did what ?”
Katara grabbed Suki’s wrists. “No- wait- please don’t shout, it’s not a big deal. Toph- how long have you been standing there?”
“The whole time,” Toph said, coming into Katara’s room. “The point is- TwinkleToes did what?”
“Guys, it’s- it’s not a big deal,” Katara said, crossing her arms across her chest.
“Katara, that’s absolutely a big deal,” Suki said angrily, her voice rising.
Sokka walked into Katara’s room, saying, “If you could keep it down, please. Some of us need our beauty sleep, thank you… very…” He trailed off, looking around, and his face morphed from tired, slightly annoyed and teasing to tired and concerned in an instant. “What’s going on?”
“Nothing,” Katara tried to say, but Suki cut her off.
“Aang assaulted Katara,” she half yelled to Sokka.
Sokka yelped like he’d been stabbed. “He WHAT ??”
He started to storm out of Katara’s room, presumably to Aang’s, but Katara leapt up and grabbed Sokka’s arm. “No- Sokka, it wasn’t anything like that.”
He turned around and his expression softened. “Ok. Tell me exactly what happened, and maybe I won’t go beat up that little jerk.”
Zuko, of course, chose that moment to poke his head in the door. “Who tell what? Jerk? You guys are being really loud. I’m honestly surprised you haven’t woken Aang up yet.” He yawned widely and looked around the room: Katara half sitting, watching the exchange about to break down, Sokka standing over her, fists balled, Toph standing to the side, but looking furious, and Suki sitting next to Katara, a comforting hand holding Katara’s. “Er, should I go wake him up?”
Sokka, Suki and Toph all shouted, “no!” at the same time, causing Zuko to step back in surprise.
“Geez, ok,” Zuko said. “But you might want to be quieter or it won’t be me waking Aang up. Does this have something to do with him?”
Katara had been holding back tears since intermission, and she didn’t want to talk about this, and she’d just wanted to be alone, and now everyone was in her room, and it was loud, and they were asking her questions, and she didn’t want to see Aang, or anyone really, and she couldn’t stop herself from crying. She tried to be silent - she didn’t want the attention - but of course everyone turned to her anyway.
Her shoulders were shaking as silent sobs wracked her body, tears streaming down her face that she didn’t have the energy to bend or wipe away.
In an instant, Sokka, Suki, and Toph had Katara in a giant hug. Zuko, who was, to say the least, not an expert in physical contact, looked awkwardly on from the doorway.
“It’s fine- I’m fine,” Katara said. “Spirits, I’m as bad as that stupid actress me.”
Suki made her look directly into her eyes and said, “Katara, no. You have a right to be upset about this.”
“Um… what exactly is ‘this’?” Zuko asked, making air quotes with his fingers.
“It’s nothing,” Katara said.
Toph cut across her: “Um, Sugar Queen, no- it’s not nothing.” Her voice took on a gentler tone. “None of us are here to judge you. You should at least tell Sokka. The rest of us can go, if you want.”
“No, it’s fine, Toph, you can stay,” Katara said. “And you can, too, Zuko, if you want,” she added as Zuko started to awkwardly back out of the door. “Ugh, I’m sorry I’m piling all this on you guys. I don’t want to burden you.”
Sokka sat down on the bed next to her and slung an arm around her shoulders. “Katara, you will never, ever be a burden on any of us,” he said. “No matter how annoying you are when you’re nagging us to do chores…” Katara gave a teary chuckle- “...I- we will always be here for you. Let us be the ones taking care of you for once.”
Katara wiped her eyes. “Okay.”
Zuko settled against the wall and Toph sat down cross-legged by his feet.
“It was just at intermission. I was looking for Aang and I found him out on the balcony. He was upset by the portrayal of us onstage. Us, specifically. Like, him and me. He asked if what they said on stage was true, if I saw him as a little brother, and I said I didn’t know. He pressed, and I said it wasn’t the right time and was confused. I closed my eyes for a moment and he kissed me.”
Suki and Toph tensed and Sokka and Zuko stood straight up like they’d been pricked with pins. Sokka started to storm off, and Katara called after him, “Sokka, wait!” She shrank, looking at everyone’s collective reaction. “I’m sorry,” she mumbled.
Suki grabbed Katara’s hands. “Katara, sweetie, you have nothing to be sorry about.”
“It’s Aang who needs to be sorry. He needs to be punished for this,” Zuko said. He was literally shaking.
“He’s- he’s just a kid,” Katara tried.
“Katara that doesn’t make it ok,” Zuko told her. “And he won’t learn that it’s not if you just let it slide like he did nothing wrong.”
“He- he didn’t hurt me. It was just a kiss,” Katara said. “It’s fine.” She was close to tears again.
“It doesn’t have to be more than a kiss to make it not ok,” Suki told her.
“And it’s obviously not ‘fine’, Sugar Queen, you’re shivering, your heart is racing, and you’re breathing weird,” Toph added.
Katara looked at her fingers and tried to still them, taking deep, controlled breaths.
Sokka was still storming through the house, Katara could hear his footsteps pounding up in her room. She heard a door bang open, which made her wince. Sokka’s voice carried through the house. “Aang, get up. Get upstairs.”
Aang’s groggy voice made her wince. “What? Did they find us?”
“No,” Sokka said in a clipped voice. Katara started shaking again. She heard the footsteps traveling up to her room, and a livid Sokka dragging a confused, sleepy Aang appeared in her doorway. Everyone except Katara stood up to face him, forming a sort of wall between her and Aang.
“Did… I do something wrong?” Aang asked, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.
“I don’t know. You tell us,” Sokka snarled, his voice shaking.
Katara couldn’t help the tears that escaped her eyes. She squeezed them shut, but that didn’t do anything.
“Guys, seriously, what did I do?” Aang sounded hurt, scared. He was pleading with them. His tone made the tears come faster.
“You attacked Katara,” Toph accused.
“What?” Aang sounded terrified. Katara’s shoulders started to shake. “No I didn’t!”
“You look at her and tell me you did nothing to hurt her,” Sokka bellowed, pointing at her.
Aang’s eyes widened and he took a step back. “Th- that’s my fault?”
Suki sat down next to Katara and wrapped her in a hug.
“Think back, I don’t know, about two, three hours?” Sokka told him.
“At the play?” Now Aang sounded close to tears.
“Yes. At the intermission,” Toph said.
“I-” Aang said, sounding startled and confused. “When I kissed her?”
Every candle in the room flared large, bright and hot as Zuko said, in a carefully measured tone, as if he was trying not to scream, “Yes. When you assaulted her.”
“I- I didn’t assault her!” Aang said.
Sokka shoved Aang hard. He stumbled backward, but used his airbending to right himself before he fell.
“Aang, you sort of did,” Toph said. She used his real name; that meant she was seriously mad. Aang’s gaze flicked around the room as if looking for an escape. There wasn’t one.
“Aang, what spirit possessed you when you did that?” Sokka yelled. “ WHY? ”
Aang audibly swallowed before answering. “I- she said she was confused, and I thought… if she knew how I felt… I thought it would help her decide!” Aang defended.
“And in what world would assaulting someone accomplish that goal?!” Sokka screamed.
“I… I didn’t assault anyone,” Aang said weakly.
“How did she react? Did you ask her? Did she say yes? Did she ask you to?” Zuko asked.
Aang hesitated.
“Answer the question, Aang,” Toph said coldly.
“Well… no… but-”
“Then it was assault,” Zuko said simply, cutting him off.
Aang deflated, looking at Katara with tears in his eyes. “I- I’m really sorry, Katara.”
Katara wiped her face with the back of her hand and stood up to be face to face with Aang. “Thank you for apologizing, Aang. But I can’t forgive you right now,” Katara told him. “You said you thought it would help me decide. I have. I don’t have feelings for you, and I don’t want to be in a relationship with you.” She turned away. “I’m going down to the beach. I want to be alone for a while.”
With that, she brushed past everyone and walked out of the house and down to the ocean.
()()()()()()
“I'm gonna go talk to her,” Aang said as soon as Katara left the room. He started to walk out, but someone- Sokka- grabbed his arm and stopped him.
“I don't think you should go after her, Aang,” Sokka said. There was an edge to his voice that made it clear to Aang that he was still mad.
“Why not,” Aang snapped back. He just wanted to explain himself better to Katara. He felt really bad that he hurt her, and he didn't mean to, but it hurt him that she said that she couldn't forgive him. He thought that if he could explain himself better and apologize again, she might-
“I just think she wants to be alone right now, Aang, and I think we should let her,” Sokka explained, cutting through his train of thought. “She needs time to sort it out herself.”
“Sort what out?” Aang knew he sounded whiney, but he didn't really care.
“Aang, can you come with me?” Suki asked in a way that made it clear that she wasn't really asking. She took his arm and led him back to his room. Her grip wasn't uncomfortable, but firm enough to dissuade him from trying to break free. Suki sat him down on his bed and pulled over a chair for herself.
“You still don’t understand what you did.” It was a statement, not a question. Aang nodded solemnly.
“I guess, I don’t understand why everyone was so mad at me,” Aang summed up. He had more questions, but that was the main one.
“You assaulted Katara,” Suki said simply, as if that would clear everything up. It didn’t. Aang looked at her blankly, confused. He didn’t assault anyone, he thought. Wasn’t ‘assault a synonym for ‘attack’?
“I… assaulted her?” he asked.
“Yes.”
“How?”
Suki gave a long-suffering sigh. “You kissed her, right after she said she didn’t want to be in a relationship at the time.”
“Oh.” The next question sounded childish, even in his thoughts, but he couldn’t keep it from slipping through his lips. “But she’s my forever girl. Why doesn’t she want me?”
“Did you ask if she wanted to be your ‘forever girl’?” Suki asked, her voice taking on a stern edge.
“Well… no… but,” Aang started, but Suki interrupted.
“Then she doesn’t have to be. Don’t you think she deserves a choice?”
“I do, I was just-”
“Whatever, Aang. Don’t try to excuse what you did. Just… respect what Katara said to you. Okay?”
Suki didn’t wait for an answer. She stood up and left Aang’s room, leaving Aang reeling.
The next visit he got was from Sokka. His face was furious as he walked into the room.
“I- I’m sor-”
“Don’t,” Sokka interrupted.
“Ok.” Aang’s voice was small.
“I’m still deciding whether or not to beat you up,” Sokka admitted, his voice shaking with anger a little bit. “Katara asked me not to, but… I swear if you ever pull anything like this again…”
Aang swallowed. “I… I know.”
“You gotta understand, Aang. She’s my baby sister. I promised I would protect her, and I meant it. And she’s hurting because of this, and I couldn’t - can’t do anything and I just….” Sokka’s voice broke and he pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes. “I will, Aang. I’ll keep her safe. Even if it’s from you.”
Aang nodded. Sokka stared at him with a hard gaze for a moment longer, then swept out of the room.
Toph poked her head into his room as soon as Sokka left. “That wasn’t cool, TwinkleToes.”
Aang tried to swallow the lump in his throat and blink away the tears in his eyes. Whenever he felt like this, Katara was always by his side, hugging him and promising everything was fine, or was going to be fine. She’d give him advice if he needed it, a listening ear if he needed it, or comfort if he needed that. She always seemed to know what he needed before he even knew himself.
But now, she was mad at him, just like everyone else. And Aang supposed he couldn’t blame her. He had just expected her to feel the same way. But Suki was right. She did deserve a choice.
So Aang laid down in a ball on his bed and tried to calm himself.
()()()()()()
Katara sat in the sand at the beach, sniffling, feeling restless. It didn’t help that it was nearly a full moon that night. She was considering running through some of her waterbending forms when she heard footsteps behind her.
She froze, trying to figure out who it was behind her. From the crunching of the sand… the footsteps were too light to be Toph’s, but too heavy to be Aang’s. That left Sokka, Zuko, and Suki.
The person dropped down into the sand next to her. Zuko. Katara turned away, drawing her knees up to her chest and hastily wiping her eyes. “Please, leave me alone,” she choked out.
“Are you doing ok?” he asked.
She considered lying, but this was Zuko. This was the person who had watched her bloodbend, had watched her nearly kill a man, and hadn’t thought worse of her for it. This was the person she had let see her whole self- not just a mother figure, kind, compassionate, and hardworking, but also powerful, vengeful, and scary. She decided she could let him see this too.
“No,” she said. “I’m not okay.”
“What’s wrong?” he asked, then cringed. Katara didn’t care about his word choice. It felt good to just rant about this to someone.
“I just… Ugh. Where do I start. Aang- he’s my best friend. But he’s also like… like a son or little brother to me. I feel like I have to protect him. I never felt like that about him, never wanted to feel like that about him. Ugh, it feels like falling in love with Sokka.” She made a face. “But he feels that way about me, and I just couldn’t tell him I didn’t.” Her voice was thick as she continued. “I have to protect him, his health and safety and his feelings. But then all this happened.” Katara started to feel tears slipping down her cheeks. “And I’m scared that by not saying anything, I hurt both of us worse than if I’d just shut him down when he kissed me the first time or- or when I noticed him blushing whenever he looked my way and I just…” Her voice broke, and she was really crying now.
Zuko pulled her against him and wrapped her in a warm, comforting embrace. They sat like that for a while- Zuko holding her tight against him, and her sobbing into his shirt.
Eventually, the tears dried up. Katara sat back on her knees and sniffled, wiping her eyes. “Sorry,” she mumbled.
“Hey, it’s fine. You have nothing to apologize for,” Zuko said, clearly trying to sound consoling.
Katara is still restless, the moon and ocean still tugging at her relentlessly. “Hey, wanna spar?” she asks.
Zuko looks surprised, as if this was one of the last things he was expecting her to say. “Uh, sure.” He glanced up at the sky. “So, Sokka’s girlfriend really turned into the moon?” he asked.
Katara looked sad. “Yeah. Yue. Why do you ask?”
Zuko looked horrified. “We were talking, and he mentioned that his first girlfriend turned into the moon. I thought it was a metaphor or something! I didn’t know how to react!”
Katara stifled a snicker behind her hand. “What did you say?”
Zuko mumbled something Katara couldn’t quite make out. “Sorry, I didn’t catch that. Say it again?”
“That’s rough, buddy,” Zuko said, blushing fiercely.
Katara burst into laughter. “That’s rough, buddy??” she said, shaking with giggles. “What was that? Why was that your immediate response? Nothing else came to mind?
Zuko flushed even more. “What would you have said if someone told you that?” he asked defensively. “‘My first girlfriend turned into the moon’- what was I supposed to say to that?”
“Ok, fair,” Katara said, her ribs hurting from laughing so hard. “Come on, let’s spar.”
Turning around, Katara stripped down to her wrappings, and Zuko took off his shirt. When she looked at him, it looked like he was blushing. It was hard to tell- his face could still be a bit flushed from earlier.
They both took their positions, sizing up the other. Zuko struck first, with a volley of fireballs the size of his fist. She rolled out of the way of the first two, then summoned a giant wave, thoroughly dousing him and the remaining fireballs. She twisted water around herself in a thick ring, and shot ice daggers out of it. Zuko intercepted and melted them with a wave of flame, then flipped and kicked a lick of fire in her direction, breaking the ring. It splashed to the ground but she drew it up and used it to freeze Zuko’s hands together. Not a very effective tactic against a firebender, but harmless, and it allowed her to catch her breath.
Katara took a deep breath, feeling the power of Yue and La. As Zuko thawed out the last of the ice, Katara used a rope of water to wrap around his legs and pull them out from under him. Simple, yet effective. She leveled a dagger of ice above him, and declared her victory. “I won! Nice try, though,” she teased.
She teased too soon.
With one swift move, Zuko thrust his legs around in a half circle, sweeping Katara’s, causing her to fall with a shriek, and landing him solid on his feet, fist leveled above her face. “What’s that you said about winning?” Zuko asked with a smirk.
He dropped his fist and offered a hand. Katara took it and clambered to her feet.
“Hey,” Katara murmured, “thank you. For everything.”
She pulled Zuko into a tight hug. He stiffened at first, but gradually returned it.
After a minute, Katara pulled away.
"Uh... it was nothing," Zuko said awkwardly.
"No, really. Thank you," Katara repeated.
"Um, ready?"
Katara looked at the beach house and sighed. She didn't know why, but the thought of spending tonight in the same house as everyone m, particularly Aang, was making her squirm. "I don't know. I kind of want to just stay out here for the night."
"Ok," Zuko said. "I can get a fire going."
"You're not going to protest?" Katara asked, surprised.
"I mean... I can if you want me to?" he said uncertainly.
"No, it's fine, I just... sort of expected you to insist we go back," Katara explained.
"I wasn't," Zuko assured her. "I think I get what's going on. I never had anything like... that happen to me," he added hastily, "but, whenever my dad... well... er, let's just say that I get what you mean."
He clearly wasn't going to elaborate, although Katara wanted to press. "Why don't you stay out here with me tonight," Katara decided.
"Me?"
"Yes, you. Er, if you want. You're my friend. And I can't start a fire and keep it going all night," Katara teased.
Zuko gave her a small half-smile.
They set about gathering driftwood and various items to use as kindling. Once they got a small fire going, Zuko looked around at the ground uncertainly.
"Uh... we don't have sleeping mats or anything...."
"That's ok," Katara said, plopping down. "The ground is soft."
Zuko gave Katara another small smile and sat down beside her. Katara smiled back and scooted closer to him. He was radiating heat.
Katara gave a small gasp. "You're so warm," she murmured.
"Firebender, remember?" Zuko replied, smirking.
"You're not usually this warm," she complained, nuzzling into his shoulder.
They sat like that for a while, just talking. They avoided big topics, preferring to discuss mundane things: what their favorite fruits were, the pros and cons of the natural setting of the three nations. Katara leaned back and swatted Zuko's arm in indignation at one point when he teasingly called the poles "barren, awful wastelands. Who could stand living there?"
Katara must have fallen asleep at some point, because she woke up a few hours later, still in the middle of the night. Zuko was sleeping a few strides away from her, and Katara thought he looked peaceful, almost angelic asleep. Not at all the walking personification of angst she had grown to know.
That was when she noticed the blanket around her. He must have gotten it from the house for me, Katara though sleepily. He's so sweet.
She allowed a small smile to flit across her face, and soon after was once again fast asleep.