Work Text:
Routine.
You didn’t quite expect this word to become the description of your everyday life when you first joined the Armed Detective Agency. Surely, not only the detective’s work was dangerous and exciting; your co-workers, too, made an interesting ensemble of gifted individuals, each possessing an ability which only spiced up the work conditions. In reality, every morning blended into a string of repeated actions: greeting the workers at café Uzumaki, getting into the lift, eyeing your reflection in the mirror, it looking back at you, sighing.
This morning, too, you followed the routine. Once in the lift, adjusting your appearance and sighing once more, you pressed the usual button – fourth floor. Soon enough you’d enter the agency only to discover that routine has been disrupted by a sudden request, mafia trouble or, frustratingly, one of your own acquaintances.
Just the doors were about to close—
“Ah, wait for me!”
—A voice called out from the outside.
Habit is second nature, they say. Perhaps for this reason, your hand shoot out to press the ‘open’ button before you could even register the circumstances. The chime rang and the door slid back, revealing a panting, slightly dishevelled, but nonetheless, smiling figure of Dazai Osamu.
“Phew, that was close. Good job, you held it back right in time!”
You lifted your gaze.
Your eyes met.
His smile widened.
Dazai Osamu. You didn't know what to make of this man. One second, he'd annoy everyone in sight by his antics, and the other, his mask of clownery would fall off, revealing sharp intellect unmatched even by Ranpo. He was vague, impossible to be described by any human language. Slippery. Truly, it was thanks to this man that your routine never proved to be boring. ‘Not boring’ in this case translated as ‘handful’.
And now, he was standing before you like he hadn’t just appeared out of thin air to catch a lift.
You eyed him in suspicion. “Dazai-san. Isn’t it rather unusual of you to get into work on time?”
“You’re hurting me, Y/N-chan.” Dazai placed his palm on his chest in a dramatic manner. “There’s no man more devoted to our purpose than me.”
“Right. Keep talking and maybe one day you’ll manage to impress someone.”
“That I shall! After all, impressing you is a goal worth putting effort into.”
You rolled your eyes.
With that, the usual shit-eating grin still plastered to his face, Dazai entered the lift and stood next to you. Both of your faces – Dazai’s blissful and yours sullen – reflected in the mirror. Over there, your gazes met. He chuckled.
The door closed.
And so you rode with Dazai. Never before had you realised just how tiresome it was to share space with him. He could drain a person’s energy like a top-class vacuum cleaner sucks the dust. Even if you didn’t humour him, he simply wouldn’t shut up.
“Ahh, but really, I’m so glad I made it,” he went on and on about whatever was on his mind. “It would be such a pity to miss an opportunity for a one-on-one encounter with Y/N-chan. And in a lift at that! How sexy!” His twaddling might have been embarrassing had you not already got used to it. “My day has brightened. Now if only you'd agree to commit double suicide with me—”
“Please stop this nonsense, Dazai-san,” you facepalmed. “No suicides. I thought we’ve established that a long time ago.”
“Are you sure? I’ve found this new amazing method, you should give it a look!” He fumbled in his pockets to produce that godforsaken book of his. You’d seen its contents before (shoved in your face by none other than Dazai himself) and it was pretty morbid. Definitely the last thing you needed during a lift ride.
Before Dazai managed to find the desired passage, you placed your palms on his shoulders and pushed, not allowing him to close the distance so that he could show you the book. He didn’t resist; only his gaze lingered on your face, lips quirking in amusement. Embarrassed, you withdrew your arms. Dazai stayed where he was.
“…Just shut up already.”
Much to your surprise, he did. The lift ascended in silence, save for a soft clap of closing the book and the sounds in the shaft. Damn it, you already felt exhausted and the work day hadn’t even started! Thank God this ride was only four floors, a blink of an eye, really. And then you’ll be free from this imbecile.
Ding!
“…?”
The chime rang way too early.
Dumbfounded, you looked over at the floor panel in the lift. It showed a number, but it wasn’t the one it was supposed to display.
Second floor.
For a moment you couldn’t pinpoint the source of your confusion – it was completely normal for everyone in the building to use the lift, after all. However, then it occurred to you that there wasn’t anyone who could have. The workers at the law office? No way. They wouldn’t trouble themselves just to go up one floor, and besides, the lift would only stop to pick them up if it was descending.
So who the hell…?
In the mirror, you swore you could see the corners of Dazai’s lips twitching.
No one entered the lift at this floor. Obviously, neither you nor Dazai left. The door closed back and the lift resumed ascending. You swallowed hard, but said nothing.
After a moment, the lift stopped again. Third floor. The vacant one, with no one to call the lift at all. It was no use pretending this whole nonsense wasn’t deliberate anymore; still, you remained quiet, for the sole reason you couldn’t think of anything to say or do. Not giving a damn – that was the best modus operandi towards childish pranks. Yes, precisely.
Then, just as you had begun to relax, Dazai spoke up.
“Y/N-chan, you don’t have claustrophobia, do you?”
“I don’t, why do you ask—“
Suddenly, your face went blank.
No. No way.
Eyes wide, you met Dazai’s gaze in the mirror. His expression remained that of his usual stupidity, but the corners of his lips, though turned upwards, didn’t quite form a smile this time. A chill – was it really a chill? – in the air made you shiver.
No. Fucking. Way.
“No reason, really. I just thought it would be a terrible pity if this lift got stuck in between the floors, just the two of us…”
Your blood ran cold.
What you’d said was true, you didn’t suffer from claustrophobia. Staying in tight spaces wasn’t an issue to you, nor was a hypothetical danger particularly scary. It was being stuck in a lift with Dazai of all people that was a prospect both alluring and frightening. You didn’t doubt he was able to pull a stunt like that. Dazai Osamu was a man of no half measures.
Much to your damnation.
Gluing your gaze to the display on the floor panel, you stared at it with religious desperation. The lift kept ascending, but the three refused to transform into a four. Just move on, you pleaded. Don’t do this to me. Please.
Suddenly, bandaged hands appeared in your field of vision. They rested on your shoulders, sending waves of heat through your body despite not really doing anything. Frozen from shock, you didn’t move, allowing Dazai to tap his fingers on your shoulders to a rhythm of some suicide song only he knew.
“Don’t worry, I wouldn’t let you get hurt. You trust me, don’t you?”
Your dry lips opened, but no sound was made.
There was some screeching in the lift shaft, and the cabin shook as if it had bumped onto something. The cables must have snapped. Or maybe it was a rat, grinded to a pulp by the machinery? Was it even possible to get stuck in a lift due to a dead rat? Oh God, help, the lift was slowing down, no, stopping, it really was stopping and there was nothing you could do—
Ding!
Fourth floor.
You let out a breath you hadn’t realised you’d been holding.
The lift door slid open. Dazai’s palms left your shoulders and the next moment, you saw him leaning over you with a smile so innocent it made your guts squeeze. Bowing gentlemanly, he extended his arm towards the door.
“After you, Y/N-chan.”
You’d have punched him if you weren’t utterly, hopelessly and permanently speechless.
The two of you stepped out of the lift – though you could hardly walk due to wobbly legs. Dazai, on the other hand, seemed to disregard your state, skipping over to the agency door and pulling the knob.
Not even two seconds after, an angry yell by Kunikida resounded:
“Dazai! What are you defecting the workplace for!!”
When you looked over at Dazai, he only shrugged as if he had no idea what the complain was about, brilliant smile never leaving his face.