Archive of Our Own ^beta

“Okay, but what will you do?” Jake asked Sunghoon excitedly, probably for the tenth time. “If you do switch, what will you do?”

“Call myself, I guess?” Sunghoon didn’t seem nearly as excited as Jake did, and it was his birthday. “Find a way to get here fast so we can switch back.”

Sunghoon’s birthday was the following day, but there was a fifty-fifty chance that he would not be waking up in his own bed. He wouldn’t even be waking up in his own body. Soulmates were an everyday occurrence, but that didn’t make them any less special.

On the eighteenth birthday of the youngest soulmate, all parties involved would switch bodies. The way to get back to their own bodies was simple, they just had to touch. Most just held hand, those who didn’t find it weird would kiss each other, some would hug. It didn’t matter how, you just had to touch each other.

The complex part was finding you way to your soulmate after the initial switch. Sometimes it was easy, people who lived close by or already knew each other, they’d just meet up, switch and have their happily ever after. However, that wasn’t always the case, some soulmates lived in different countries in complete different time zones.

And so, it was quite exciting for someone like Sunghoon, turning eighteen in less than 4 hours, to see what would happen. As an idol, he couldn’t be stuck in the other person’s body for long, even if they were his soulmate. He needed a plan to be able to get back as fast as possible.

“But what if you can’t call yourself?” Jake leaned a little closer, both sitting on the sofa.

“Why wouldn’t I be able to call myself?” Sunghoon was confused, he’d be able to find a phone, somehow, he was sure of it.

“I don’t know, maybe you just can’t, maybe you’ll forget your number,” he suggested.

“Then I’ll find a way to get back here,” he stated simply. Even though he should have a plan, he didn’t want to think much about it. There was no reason to complicate things more than they already were, he’d figure it out once he got there. “We don’t know for sure I’ll switch, though.”

“Well… no, but you might.” Sunghoon sighed, they’d been over this, Jake literally talked about nothing else the entire day and even Sunghoon was starting to get tired of it.

“But I might not,” he insisted. “If I do, I’ll figure it out, and if I don’t then I’ll figure it out when it does happen.” He thought that would be the end of it.

“Aren’t you… like, excited?” Jake kept going “I know you don’t want to think much about it, but aren’t you at least curious as to what will happen? Who your soulmate could be?”

“I guess?” He shrugged, he just didn’t want to be disappointed by fantasising too much.

“You guess? I was dying the night before my birthday, and you were dying before my birthday,” he pointed out.

“Because it was you, of course.” Sunghoon thought that was obvious, “I- didn’t you feel disappointed… when you didn’t switch?”

“A little, but I think you were more disappointed than I was,” Jake laughed, “but that doesn’t matter, it’s the anticipation, you know, of possibly meeting your soulmate, it doesn’t matter if you don’t, just…”

“Yeah, I get it.” Sunghoon smiled softly, “I don’t think I can be as enthusiastic for myself as I was for you, but-”

“Can you shut up?!” Heeseung snapped, “you’ve been at it the whole day, just stop!”

“Calm down, hyung, they are just excited, we are all excited, about Sunghoon’s birthday.” Jay commented, he had been sitting on the other side of the sofa just casually listening to their conversation while eating some snacks.

“Yeah, don’t be so mean just because you didn’t switch.” Sunghoon looked at Jake like he couldn’t believe those words came from him, and to be honest, Jake couldn’t believe it either.

“I don’t care that I didn’t switch, I didn’t want to switch,” Heeseung kept his voice loud, though he was not shouting. “Soulmates are stupid, anyway.”

“Wow, okay, no need to go that far-” Jay tried to calm him down, but Heeseung was in such a weird and irritable mood nothing could stop him.

“It is!” he insisted, “I don’t get it, why would anyone just be with someone they barely know? Or with someone they never thought of that way before they discovered they were soulmates? I don’t want that.” He claimed.

“Hey, you can’t know that for sure-”

“But I do know, I don’t want a soulmate.” He sounded like a stubborn child, huffing he left the room.

Heeseung knew he was being unreasonable, but he couldn’t take it anymore. Sunghoon had seemed so okay with the idea of switching places with some random person and just going with the flow. He didn’t want that. He wanted Sunghoon to want him as a soulmate. He wanted Sunghoon to think that he didn’t need to worry about how to meet after the switch because his soulmate was in the same room as him. He didn’t like that Sunghoon had memorized his phone number to call himself when the switch happened. He didn’t like that Sunghoon had a plan to get back to the company if that didn’t work. He was mad and frustrated and there was nothing he could do.

Truth be told, Heeseung had never paid much attention to soulmates. When his eighteenth birthday had come around, he almost forgot about it, he would have if his brother hadn’t reminded him. The next morning, when he woke up in his own bed, he thought nothing of it and kept going with his life like usual. He was focused on other stuff. Like practicing and getting better at dancing and singing. He was good, but he could always be better.

Then… then he had met Sunghoon, and wanted nothing more than to be his soulmate. Sure, he still wanted to be an idol, he wanted to succeed and be able to perform in front of people. But… he also wanted Sunghoon. And now he had to be face to face with the idea that he may never get him, not as more than a friend.

He was truly grateful for Sunghoon’s friendship, really, but he was selfish and greedy. He wanted more. He may never be able to get that more he desperately wanted. So hearing Jake be so enthusiastic about what was basically the end of Heeseung’s hopeless crush… yeah, he snapped. He knew he was being an asshole, but he couldn’t help it. He just wanted the day to go by like usual, maybe Sunghoon wouldn’t switch and they could have a thing until one of them switched. But that was being too optimistic.

It was late already, he was still not in a good mood, and shit could possibly become worse in the morning, so he was going to sleep. He’d apologise to Sunghoon later, he had too, but he knew if he went then he’d just make things worse.

Sunghoon was properly shaken by Heeseung’s words. His heart had dropped to his stomach. He didn’t want to admit it, but he had hoped Heeseung would be his soulmate, then his fruitless crush may lead somewhere. Now he wanted his soulmate to be anyone but Heeseung. Not because he had suddenly stopped liking Heeseung, but his heart would suffer less if he was rejected by just a friend rather than by his soulmate.

“Don’t let what Heeseung-hyung said get to you,” Jake brought him back to himself. “He’ll come around, probably,” he smiled trying to comfort Sunghoon.

“Yeah, he’s been weird all day, it’s probably nothing to do with you or soulmates,” Jay commented, but Sunghoon had a feeling that was not the case.

“It’s… It’s fine,” he didn’t want to worry them, he was heartbroken, but he was fine. He told himself that, at least. “I’ll just go to sleep,” he got up, he could see Jake and Jay share a worried look. “It’s late and I just- the faster I go to sleep, the faster I’ll wake up, right?”

“I guess you are right,” Jay sighed. “Good night Sunghoonie.”

“Don’t forget to call if you wake up somewhere else,” Jake said as Sunghoon went to the bedroom.

Thankfully, Heeseung seemed to have fallen asleep already, being in a room alone with him after what had happened would have been awkward. Sunghoon quietly climbed up to his bed and tried, with little success, to fall asleep. His mind was racing, repeating Heeseung’s words. At some point he started feeling dizzy, and when he closed his eyes that time, he fell asleep.

Heeseung had stared up at Sunghoon’s bed from his own, guilt eating him up. He had pretended to be asleep when Sunghoon came in the room, and once he was sure there was no way Sunghoon could see him, he opened his eyes again. He didn’t know how long he spent staring and sending quiet apologies towards Sunghoon. He saw all the other members walk in and go to sleep while he just kept starting, he hoped no one would call him out on it. A few hours had definitely gone by when he started feeling lightheaded. Unintentionally he closed his eyes, and in less than a second he was asleep.

Heeseung wasn’t sure what time it was when he woke up, what he did know was that it was late. The sun was clearly shinning though the window, he could see it even with his eyes closed, and the light headache he had did not appreciate it in the slightest. The sun wasn’t shinning directly on him, which he was thankful for, but it also confused him. He was usually pretty close to the window, but he didn’t think much about it.

It was when he turned to the side and almost fell off the bed that he realised: it wasn’t his bed.

Heeseung opened his eyes fast, trying to figure out where he was and he sighed in relief when he saw that he was still in the dorm, just another bed. It was weird, he was pretty sure he had gone to sleep in his own bed, but it wouldn’t be the first time something like this had happened. Carefully, he turned to the other side. Something felt off. He brushed it off as still being upset over Sunghoon’s potential soulmate and started getting up, climbing down from one of the top bunks.

Looking over at his own bed when he was down on the floor was bizarre. He saw himself sitting on his bed, staring straight back at him. But that couldn’t be, because he was not on his bed. He almost screamed, thinking he had gone insane or this was a weird dream because there was no other explanation… unless…

“Sunghoon?” he asked cautiously, not recognizing his voice.

“Yeah,” it was an almost lifeless response, Heeseung felt incredibly guilty.

“Sunghoon, I-”

“Don’t.” he said and got up from the bed, instinctively, Heeseung took a step backwards when he started getting close “Now you won’t have to worry about a soulmate.” The words were icy and Heeseung didn’t know where to hide.

He felt an electric shock from his arm as Sunghoon touched it, the same feeling of light-headedness came over them as they close their eyes. For a second, everything seemed to be spinning, Heeseung was sure he was going to throw up. Then, when they opened their eyes again, Heeseung was staring at Sunghoon while holding onto his arm.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-” Heeseung tried again, but Sunghoon was quick to step away from his grasp.

“It’s okay.” But Heeseung could tell he was not, nothing was okay. “Maybe I don’t want a soulmate either.” The words weighted heavily on Heeseung’s heart, he couldn’t breathe, as if someone had tied up his throat. He couldn’t speak either, and there were so many things he wanted to say.

However, before he could even formulate his sentences, Sunghoon walked out of the room. Heeseung was left standing in the middle of the room, heart heavy and tears on his eyes, the feeling so bitter he couldn’t even be thankful that no one had seen the interaction.

As fast as he could without looking suspicious, Sunghoon walked into the bathroom and locked the door. When he had woken up, he immediately knew he had switched. His body hadn’t felt like his own, everything had been in the wrong place. He had been about to start panicking, but he willed himself to stay as calm as he could. When he had opened his eyes, the first thing he saw was the bottom of a top bunk that looked a lot like the ones in his dorm. He had looked to the side and yeah, he was still in his dorm. His heart had started beating faster, at the brink of a mental collapse.

He could not be in Heeseung’s body, though part of him had still hoped. He hated his weak heart.

He had sat up, quickly had looked at himself as much as he could and almost groaned as he confirmed what he already suspected. When he had seen himself getting out of bed, he had tried to get over switching back as fast as possible while also trying to keep Heeseung as a friend. Sunghoon could not let him see how affected he was.

In the bathroom, he simply sat on the floor. He didn’t even know if he was about to cry or not, his heart felt torn. Sunghoon had wanted Heeseung as his soulmate for so long, it hurt so much knowing that, even though he got what he wanted, he couldn’t have it. He’d lost. In every way, he had lost. He couldn’t have Heeseung and he didn’t have a soulmate to get over Heeseung.

He’d never get to be with his soulmate.

The sinking feeling that he would never get a soulmate to be with was constricting. As an idol, dating was hard. People accepted it if it was between soulmates, you didn’t get in between fate, but between those who weren’t soulmates? That was a complete different story. Not to mention, meeting someone who didn’t care about soulmates or didn’t have one was hard. Well, Heeseung was apparently one of them, but he wasn’t an option.

Rejected by his crush, friend and soulmate, all in one go, Sunghoon almost laughed. He was truly screwed. He got up and looked himself in the mirror. He was crying, a lot, the tears didn’t seem to stop and he didn’t know if he could walk out of the bathroom like nothing had happened. He washed his face and watched in horror as the tears strated flowing again. He had to get over it, or at least, he had to be able to pretend. He couldn’t let anyone see him like this, not the members or the fans. Not Heeseung.

He washed his face a few more times furiously. This was all Heeseung’s fault, he could have tried for him, as a friend. Instead, he had immediately tried to apologise. He was at least sorry for not wanting to be with him, even if they are soulmates. He was so glad he never told Heeseung how he felt, if he could reject him as a soulmate, he didn’t want to think how that would have gone. He saved himself some embarrassment. Sunghoon kept trying to convince himself he wasn’t devastated by Heeseung’s reaction.

This was why he hadn’t wanted to think about his soulmate. Even though he kept calling it a crush, he knew it was way deeper than that. And he also knew that had he switched with anyone other than Heeseung, he would have been then one rejecting his soulmate. He didn’t want to think about it, the sadness and desperation he could have caused someone. Instead, he was the one that had ended up hurt.

He only got out of the bathroom when he managed to stop crying.

“Good morning, happy birthday,” he ran into Jake as soon as he walked into the kitchen.

“Moring…” he answered, softly, all the crying had left his voice rather weak.

“You didn’t switch, then?” Sunoo asked from behind him.

“Not my turn, it seems...” not now nor ever, he added to himself.

“Don’t feel down.” Jake walked closer to him, “it’ll happen, eventually.” He was so optimistic, Sunghoon almost laughed. If only he knew.

But they couldn’t find out.

“It’s fine, I knew this could happen,” a lie, he hadn’t expected for things to turn out so heart wrenching for himself.

Sunghoon had decided not to acknowledge it, but Heeseung was in the room as well. He’d been eating in a trance when Sunghoon walked in, but listening to the conversation he realised, he had no chance of making things right. Sunghoon was choosing to completely deny the fact they were soulmates, he may have wanted a soulmate, but he didn’t want Heeseung as a soulmate.

“Are you sure you are okay?” Heeseung asked before he could chicken out, if there was even a little bit of hope he could fix things, he would.

“Don’t worry, hyung,” Sunghoon words sounded venomous towards him. “You said it yourself anyway, soulmates are stupid.” Heeseung didn’t know if that was supposed to be an attack towards him, but it sure felt like one.

“Not this again,” Jay groaned as he sat down. “I may be dramatic, but you are winning.”

“I just thought about it,” Sunghoon shrugged, “and he’s right, why should I follow what everyone else does, maybe I won’t like my soulmate.” Heeseung audibly hissed, pained. The others looked at him, confused.

“I bit my tongue.” Sunghoon scoffed at his obvious lie.

The atmosphere was tense, Heeseung being consumed by guilt and pain. Sunghoon being in between angry and heartbroken. Sunoo, Jake and Jay were barely breathing in fear, while being confused as to what was going on. And then Jungwon walked in, evidently tired but in a happy mood. Until he sensed the tension in the air.

“Uh… what’s-?” He started, but Sunghoon quickly got up startling him.

“Nothing.” With that, he left the room.

“Why-?” he tried asking again, this time being interrupted by Heeseung groaning as he dropped his head onto the table.

“Honestly, I have no idea,” Sunoo put up his hands like he was giving up. He didn’t want to get involved in whatever that had been.

Unfortunately, things would only get worse from then on.

At first it was just uncomfortable to be around Heeseung and Sunghoon.

Heeseung tried to avoid Sunghoon as much as possible, even when in the same room, he'd try his best not to talk directly to Sunghoon. Sunghoon, on the other hand, was ice cold whenever Heeseung was around. He’d give Heeseung the meanest glares whenever the other came close to him, but rapidly turn depressed whenever Heeseung wasn’t around. It was horrible, everyone just guessed Sunghoon was going through something because they thought he hadn't switched and was still upset over Heeseung's words the night prior to his birthday. The same way they guessed Heeseung felt guilty about his outburst, but didn't know how to apologise to Sunghoon. They assumed things would just pass, and everything would go back to normal soon enough.

When a week passed and things seemed to just get worse, they started to worry. Sunghoon seemed to get irritated by anything related to Heeseung, Jake could swear he’d heard Sunghoon cry a few nights, and Heeseung seemed to never have any energy. But for some reason, they both kept insisting everything was fine.

Another week passed with Heeseung being the closest thing to a real-life zombie and with Sunghoon not being able to talk about or to Heeseung without insulting him or tearing up. That's when the rest of the members realised, it was probably not going to pass on its own.

Still, they didn’t know what to do about it. It was hard fixing a problem when the people involved refused to accept something was wrong. Also, none of them knew how to approach either about it. Sunghoon was becoming progressively more aggressive when confronted, and Heeseung would say he was just tired.

After a few more days of everyone suffering the oppressive atmosphere, and to everyone’s surprise, Ni-ki finally snapped.

“Sunghoon-hyung, what the heck?” Ni-ki was tired, he was tired of the awkward tension, he was tired of the passive-aggressive comments Sunghoon would make about Heeseung, he was tired of seeing Heeseung looking like death, he was tired of seeing his friends suffering, he was tired of everyone having to be so careful around the two of them.

“What?” the answer was curt, but not mean.

“Just… when will you let go of what he said?” Sunghoon looked confused for a full second.

“What are you talking about?”

“He means, we know you were upset you didn’t switch and were mad at Heeseung-hyung for what he said, but… it’s been weeks,” Sunoo offered.

“I’m not upset about that,” he affirmed. “And I’m not mad at him because of that.”

“But you are upset and you are mad,” Jay insisted.

“I’m not.”

“I know it sucks, not switching I mean, but it’s okay.” Jake was going to regret speaking, “you’ll meet your soulmate eventually.”

“Shut the fuck up, Jake.” Everyone flinched a little at the tone of Sunghoon’s voice. Everyone but Heeseung, who was blankly staring at his food, barely reacting to anything. “You don’t know shit, so don’t try to pretend you understand.”

“We are just trying to help,” Jungwon said, he tried to reach for Sunghoon’s hand, but Sunghoon quickly pulled away.

“I don’t need your help.” He got up, “I don’t care what you think, none of you can do anything about this,” he said before leaving.

For the next couple of days, everyone pretended they couldn’t see how red Sunghoon’s eyes were. They pretended Heeseung was his usual self and they pretended to be okay with what had happened during dinner. That was until Heeseung collapsed during practice.

Sunghoon thought his heart had broken on his birthday. It didn’t compare to what he felt when he saw Heeseung’s body hit the ground through the mirror. He’d been crying a lot lately, he was almost convinced he couldn’t cry anymore. But in that moment, as the choreographer called for an ambulance and everyone else was panicking, he cried like he hadn’t in years. For a minute, he sat on the floor, unmoving as the medics took Heeseung out of the room, the other boy not waking up.

He didn’t get up even after everything had settled down, he just couldn’t move.

He lost his soulmate. He lost his soulmate and he lost his friend, and now he could be losing Heeseung completely and permanently. He couldn’t breathe, Heeseung wouldn’t die from that, right? He was just exhausted, right? He’d wake up in a few hours, and they’d be back at their awkward interactions and-

But what if he didn’t. It be his fault, he saw how Heeseung kept getting worse and worse and he did nothing to stop it. All because he couldn’t get over his stupid feelings. He was so mad at himself, he hated that he couldn’t see Heeseung as just a friend, he hated that he was so hung up on the whole soulmate thing, he hated being so weak the only way he knew how to deal with was by being cruel to Heeseung. He could see how that was affecting the other and he still didn’t stop.

“Hey,” he heard Jake calling him softly as he kneeled in front of him. Sunghoon didn’t even think it, he threw himself forward and hugged Jake like his life depended on it. Jake was his lifeline, and he wouldn’t let go no matter what. “It’s okay, everything will be okay,” Jake comforted him while gently patting his hair, Sunghoon started crying harder.

“I’m sorry, sorry, I’ve been an asshole, I-” he sobbed clinging to Jake, “this is my fault.”

“No, no, don’t say that.” Jake tightened his embrace, “it’s no one’s fault, okay? You weren’t an asshole, you were more upset that I thought you’d be from… you know, but not an asshole.” Sunghoon felt like he was suffocating, he’d been lying to all of them, to himself. He wanted to get over something he’d never get over and he was doing it in the worse way possible.

“I didn’t- I wasn’t-” he tried to explain, but he didn’t know where to start, what to say first.

“You can be honest, Sunghoonie,” Jake was, according to Sunghoon, too nice for his own good.

“I switched,” he whispered, he was shaking, saying it, telling someone else about it made it all the more painful.

“What do you mean you switched?” As confused as he was, Jake was not about to let go of Sunghoon. Though he guessed this conversation would be a lot easier if they could look at each other. “I saw you early in the morning, and you were you.” Sunghoon nodded.

“I switched back before that,” his voice still came out weak.

“But that’s… that’s not possible, who…?” And Jake’s brain put two and two together “Heeseung-hyung?” Sunghoon nodded again.

“Heeseung-hyung,” he confirmed. “I wasn’t upset I didn’t switch, I was upset because…”

“Because Heeseung-hyung is your soulmate? You didn’t want him as your soulmate?” Sunghoon separated from Jake fast, looked him in the eyes and took a deep breath.

“There was nothing I wanted more than for him to be my soulmate,” he confessed. It felt weird, painful yet freeing, to say it out loud, he looked down at his hands, “but with what he said…”

“Oh… OH! Oh no,” Jake muttered, “no, no, no, no…” Sunghoon looked down at his hands.

“Yeah…”

“No, you idiot,” maybe Jake wasn’t as nice as Sunghoon had thought. “You told him you didn’t want a soulmate.”

“Well, he said it first,” Sunghoon defended himself. “I wasn’t going to let him know… I was hurt enough.”

“That’s… that’s fair, yeah, but...” Jake grabbed Sunghoon by the shoulders, “Heeseung-hyung likes you.”

“What,” in his surprise, it didn’t even come out as a question.

“He likes you, like, a lot.” Sunghoon was in denial, shaking his head. “I’m serious here, never confronted him about it, but it seemed pretty obvious.”

“But he said- he doesn’t want a soulmate.” Sunghoon was confused, “he was so mad at us for talking about it…”

“He wasn’t mad because he doesn’t want a soulmate, he was being a jealous idiot.” Jake explained, “I thought you knew that, he wasn’t like that for my birthday.”

“How would I know that? Why didn’t he say anything?” Sunghoon was a bit hysteric, “I mean, in the morning, when we switched back? Or after? Literally, he could have said something at any point.”

“Not to defend him, but you haven’t been the most approachable person since your birthday.” Sunghoon closed his eyes and covered his face with his hands. Jake was right.

“But then why did he say he didn’t want a soulmate?” he asked, uncovering his face. Surely Heeseung could have worded it differently if he was just saddened he’d be getting a soulmate.

“I don’t think he cares about soulmates much?” Jake guessed, “he just likes you.” Sunghoon blushed at that.

“Maybe I just like him, too,” he admitted.

“Yeah, I could tell from how excited you were at the possibility of meeting your soulmate,” Jake teased. “If it wasn’t Heeseung-hyung, you would have just been friends with your soulmate.”

“That was the idea…” instead, he lost a friend in the process, “maybe that would have been easier.”

“I don’t know what to tell you, you got the guy you like as a soulmate, doesn’t get much better than that, you two just need to talk, once he wakes up.” And that reminded Sunghoon why he’d been crying so hard in the first place.

“Oh, god, I… we need to go check how he is-” Jake immediately calmed him down.

“Don’t panic, he’s fine, just exhausted,” Jake explained. “Jungwon texted me, he’ll be back tomorrow.” Sunghoon sighed, relieved. “We should get back to the dorm, too, to eat and sleep, you can talk this out with him tomorrow.”

Sunghoon agreed, they waited a month for this, they could wait one more night. Heeseung was fine and that was the only thing that mattered. He’d have to apologize to the rest of the group as well, Jake may deny it, but he knew he had been a dick to all of them. He couldn’t quite shake the guilt he felt for pushing Heeseung to that state, for not realising sooner, for not talking it out. He should have talked to Heeseung the same day, even if he thought he was going to be rejected, even if Heeseung didn’t like him they could have stayed friends. Now he knows it would have been a lot more than just friendship. Probably.

At the dorm, he was too anxious to eat, his mind rushing and doubting. Maybe Jake was wrong, Heeseung hadn’t told him anything after all. Maybe Heeseung didn’t like him. He steeled himself, not wavering in his decision to talk with Heeseung, that was definitely happening. But, he did have his doubts about the outcome, he didn’t want to be too optimistic just in case. He’d also apologise to the rest before Heeseung was back and explain the situation to them. Convince them to leave them alone for a little bit so they could talk it out more comfortably.

The night was a long one, he felt anxious and all possible bad scenarios started formulating in his mind. He hoped it wasn’t too late to fix things. He hoped the others would forgive him. He hoped Heeseung would forgive him. For lying, for being an idiot, for how he had behaved. For everything. Jake had accepted things quite easily, he didn’t seem mad at all, but Jake was not everyone else, and everyone else weren’t Jake.

In the morning he almost chickened out.

He didn’t even have to step in the kitchen to hear everyone shouting. He couldn’t make out what they were arguing about, but it seemed bad enough to make him re-think telling them anything until after he solved everything. Walking in and seeing Jake cowering in a corner, trying hard not to be involved did not help him at all. When he paid attention to the shouting, though, guilt formed in his chest and he knew he had no other option but to tell them.

“Jungwon, can you please tell Jay his idea’s stupid!” Sunoo and Jay were the main protagonists of the argument.

“It’s not stupid! What do you propose we do then? Hm? Let Heeseung keep suffering?!” Jay argued back, him and Sunoo standing at opposite sides of the table. Ni-ki was standing to the side, seemingly wanting to say something but not knowing how to express it. Jungwon was on his phone, probably texting the manager.

“Of course, not!” Sunoo defended himself “how do you even plan on finding Heeseung-hyung’s soulmate and make them change their mind?!” Sunghoon almost freaked out, how did they know Heeseung had met his soulmate? he doubted Jake had told them.

“I don’t know!” Jay shouted back “But I- I can’t do nothing!” Jay sat down, frustrated and lost.

“Why was he even so affected?” Ni-ki finally asked “He said he didn’t want a soulmate, right? What if this is something else?”

“We’ve been over this, the doctor confirmed he was rejected and that’s why he became so… lifeless.” At least they weren’t shouting, but the guilt in Sunghoon grew tenfold. Heeseung collapsed because of him.

“Shit,” he unconsciously said out loud.

“Shit is right,” Jay agreed. “If we could just find his soulmate, maybe we could convince them of at least being friends with Heeseung, anything would help him.”

“Jay-hyung, I know you want to help, but face it, unless Heeseung-hyung tells us who his soulmate is, we are not going to find them, much less convince them to change their mind.” Jungwon looked at him exhausted, the shouting must have been going on for a while, “Heeseung-hyung is not going to tell us.”

“We could convince him?” Jay sounded uncertain, Heeseung had kept it hidden he found his soulmate for a while, they didn’t even know for how long, and they didn’t have many other options.

“Can’t we help him get over his soulmate? Is that a thing?” Ni-ki asked, Sunghoon felt like he should speak soon, but for some reason he couldn’t bring himself to say anything.

“The doctor said Heeseung-hyung doesn’t want to do that,” Jungwon said with a sigh. “They offered him therapy, he refused.” Sunghoon almost started crying, Heeseung seemed to like him enough to not want to give him up even though it was destroying him.

“I think we should go with my plan and at least try to find his soulmate,” Jay insisted.

“Jay, I swear to god, shut the f-”

“I’m his soulmate,” Sunghoon said as fast as he could, every part of his body tense, he didn’t know how they would react.

“I- sorry, what?” Everyone was looking at him, even Jake, who already knew, though his stare was more supportive than surprised.

“We switched on my birthday. I’m his soulmate,” he repeated, a second passed in complete silence.

“You are telling us you rejected him?” Jay was confused “Why?”

“I- I thought he would reject me…” Sunghoon admitted, he knew it sounded selfish and stupid, but at the time it made sense.

“You thought he’d reject you so you rejected him first?” Jungwon sounded out of his mind, like he had completely given up on making any sense out of anything.

“… Yes.” Sunghoon quickly added, “I know it was dumb.”

“That’s the lightest way you could put it,” Sunoo commented. “Why did you reject him as a friend too?”

“That wasn’t intentional,” Sunghoon said.

“No, no, wait,” Ni-ki interrupted. “It makes sense.”

“What does?” Jungwon asked, sounded unintentionally sarcastic.

“What Sunghoon-hyung did,” Ni-ki insisted, and even Sunghoon was looking at him like he had grown another head. “Let me explain. So, Heeseung-hyung said he didn’t want a soulmate, then the next day Sunghoon-hyung discovers they are soulmates, to avoid being rejected, he rejects Heeseung-hyung,” he lays out the scenario, which was pretty much what had happened. “He thought Heeseung-hyung didn’t want a soulmate, then even if he rejected him Heeseung-hyung wouldn't suffer from it too much, right?”

“But you did want him as your soulmate,” Jay added.

“I still do.” Sunghoon blushed, “I wasn’t thinking much back then, I could have talked to Heeseung-hyung before making any decisions…” Sunoo sighed.

“You wanted to protect yourself, it’s natural,” he said. “I’m still mad, we could have avoided this whole thing if you two had at least told us you were soulmates, even if you rejected him,” he crossed his arms. “I would have told you to stop being an idiot, Heeseung-hyung is head over heels for you.”

“Wait,” Jay suddenly said. “This means my plan was a success and much easier than expected,” Sunoo looked at him ready to slap him.

“Thank goodness that’s over, I’m not good at hiding things,” Jake was finally able to breath and had stopped trying to disappear. Everyone looked, predictably, confused.

“I told him yesterday, that Heeseung-hyung and I were soulmates,” Sunghoon explained.

“That explains why you reacted so violently to seeing him collapse,” Jay commented, remembering what happened the previous day. “We were all so worried we didn’t even think about it.”

“You have also been a bitch since your birthday, that may have to do with forcing a rejection,” Sunoo was still mad and it showed.

“Yeah…” Sunghoon couldn’t argue with him, “sorry about that.”

“It’s fine, you obviously recovered your senses now,” Sunoo dismissed him with a smile.

“Okay, so,” Jungwon looked up from his phone. “The manager is bringing Heeseung-hyung sometime after noon, the doctors said they couldn’t do anything for him anyway,” he started, “and we,” he pointed at everyone but Sunghoon, “are all going to go practice, and you,” he pointed at Sunghoon, “have until we are back to talk this out with him.” Everyone easily agreed with him.

Honestly, waiting for Heeseung to arrive was nerve-wracking for Sunghoon. Everyone seemed to believe Heeseung would just accept him back if they talked, but there was a tiny voice is his head that told him he didn’t deserve it. He didn’t deserve Heeseung as his soulmate after what he made him go through. This did not mean he wouldn’t do it, he would, for Heeseung’s health, he would. If only he could shut his mind up.

They all tried to calm Sunghoon down a couple of times each, but he was lost in his own thoughts. Eventually, they stopped trying and settled for doing things around the dorm to keep themselves busy. They wouldn’t admit it, but they were all a little anxious, they just couldn’t show it in front of Sunghoon or he would freak out more.

And then, Heeseung arrived.

The manager sat him on the couch were he stayed. Heeseung seemed exhausted even though the doctors had made sure he slept all night and ate properly. Sunghoon’s heart broke a little at what he had caused. How didn’t he notice Heeseung was in such a bad state? Or did he notice and chose to ignore it? As Jungwon talked to the manager and everyone else left the dorm, He sat next to Heeseung. Slowly he moved closer, waiting for a reaction that never came.

He waited for a little for Heeseung to do anything. For him to say something, to move, even if it was just to tell him to go away or move away from him. But Heeseung stayed still, looking far into the distance. He looked tired, like all the energy had been drained from him. Yet, he didn’t look like he was about to fall asleep. Sunghoon wanted to punch himself so badly.

“Hyung,” he called softly, afraid of what could happen. “I didn’t mean for this to happen.” Heeseung turned slowly towards him.

“It’s okay,” his voice was weak, but clear. He meant what he was saying.

“No.” Sunghoon said firmly, “no, it’s not okay.” Carefully, he moved even closer to Heeseung, getting courage from within he held Heeseung’s hand. “I didn’t want to reject you.”

“You don’t need to…” Heeseung started pulling away with little strength, Sunghoon’s heart broke a little more, “don’t do this.” He whispered as Sunghoon tighten his grip on Heeseung’s hand.

“I’m sorry,” Sunghoon laid his head on Heeseung’s shoulder. “I know it hurts, I know I hurt you,” he knew he had to be honest, admitting he was an idiot once was hard enough, but admitting it to Heeseung was harder than he thought. “I like you, I like you so much I wanted you to be my soulmate.” Heeseung tensed next to him, Sunghoon lift his head to look at Heeseung’s face. He was confused and angry, but what Sunghoon was focused on was the fact that he was showing emotions other than tired.

“You don’t have to lie,” Heeseung had seemed to given up on trying to get Sunghoon to stop holding his hand, but he was also not holding it back. “Please, don’t lie to me. You made it clear, you wanted a soulmate, but didn’t want me,” Sunghoon could hear the pain in those words. “And that’s okay, you don’t have to want me just because I’m your soulmate, and I- I never really cared about soulmate before, I’ll get over it,” saying all that took almost all of Heeseung’s energy.

“I’m not lying,” Sunghoon insisted. “I was a damn idiot who messed everything up, but I’m not lying.” Before Heeseung could argue with him he continued, “I thought you were going to reject me.”

“What?”

“I thought you were going to reject me, so I rejected you first,” he chuckled, knowing how stupid and pathetic that sounded, how selfish. “For a while I’ve been thinking how lucky I would be if you were my soulmate, I already liked you and we were friends. If we were soulmates, I wouldn’t have to reject anyone to be with you. But then you said you didn’t want a soulmate and I… I thought that meant you would reject whoever your soulmate was.” He felt more and more embarrassed as he explained what had gone through his head, “then I thought, well, if he isn’t my soulmate we can still date and I won’t have to be scared of him getting together with his soulmate. That night was the first time I really wished we weren’t soulmates.”

“But-” Sunghoon stopped him, he wanted to finish explaining everything.

“And when I woke up and I was in your body… I couldn’t process it, I felt like crying, and I did cry for a few hours in the bathroom after we switched back. I was in your body and you were my soulmate and that was everything I had wanted until the night before.” Right then, Heeseung squeezed Sunghoon’s hand, “I panicked when you apologised and said… what I said” he looked right into Heeseung’s eyes, “but I really didn’t mean it, I’m sorry I lied and I’m sorry I rejected you, I didn’t want to be hurt.”

“I wouldn’t have rejected you,” he moved his hand to intertwine their fingers. “I wanted to apologise for what I had said, I was a little jealous at the thought of you getting together with your soulmate. You just seemed so calm, like you were really looking forward to it.”

“Ideally, you were going to be my soulmate, but if you weren’t, my plan was to tell you I liked you, if I woke up in my own body.” Sunghoon started playing with Heeseung’s fingers, “if I didn’t, I was going to find my way back, offer to be friends to my soulmate and confess to you,” he laid his head back against Heeseung. “I really messed that one up.”

“I think I helped you with that,” Heeseung laughed quietly.

They stayed like that, in complete silence, for a few minutes. Sunghoon felt lighter than he had in weeks and Heeseung was seconds away to finally be able to have some restful sleep. It was as he was enjoying the feeling of Heeseung’s hand in his that he remembered what Jungwon had said, that Heeseung refused to give up. Sunghoon didn’t understand why, even if Heeseung liked him, he obviously believed Sunghoon didn’t want anything to do with him. So why would he purposely make himself suffer that much?

Heeseung was pretty much in his own world, his head resting against Sunghoon’s. He’d been struggling for the last couple of weeks, and knew he wouldn’t be able to keep that up for much longer. He was glad that was over and they could now be together. It was also comforting knowing Sunghoon would have chosen him even if they weren’t soulmates. At some point his eyes closed, he was happy and relaxed, so it made sense he would start falling asleep. The only troubling thought he had was over how the other members would react. However, he was unable to think of a scenario where they wouldn’t support them.

“Hyung?” Heeseung hummed in response, letting Sunghoon know he was still listening. “Why didn’t you want to give up?”

“Would you have wanted me to give up?” he asked confused.

“No, of course not,” Sunghoon answered quickly, “but… you thought I didn’t like you, it would have made sense…”

“I just didn’t want to,” Sunghoon waited for him to elaborate, looking up at him. “I’ve liked you for a while, and no matter what, I didn’t want to give that up, I didn’t want to give you up.” Heeseung had opened his eyes again and moved so as to be looking at Sunghoon.

Sunghoon didn’t think before he was moving up, his hand moved up to hold Heeseung’s neck, but landing almost over his ear, his other hand still holding Heeseung’s. He stopped just for a second, silently asking if it was okay. A tiny nod from Heeseung was all he needed, me moved the rest of the way and softly kissed Heeseung. Almost instantly Heeseung kissed back, moving his body to more comfortably face Sunghoon, his own free hand moving to rest at the curve between Sunghoon’s neck and shoulder. It was a sweet and short kiss, but as soon as they parted Heeseung kissed Sunghoon again, just as gently. They shared countless more tender kisses before Sunghoon started laughing, Heeseung soon following him.

“I love you,” Sunghoon said, his hand falling from Heeseung’s neck to his chest “I love you so much, Heeseung.”

“I love you, too,” Heeseung affectionately caressed Sunghoon’s cheek.

“I’m sorry I made you suffer so much,” Heeseung chuckled.

“It’s okay, it’s over now,” He smiled and kissed Sunghoon one more time. “I still got you in the end, so it was worth it,” Sunghoon lightly hit him in the chest for that.

“We could have been together from the start if I hadn’t been an idiot,” Heeseung pinched his cheek.

“If I hadn’t been jealous of myself, nothing would have happened, stop blaming yourself.”

“You didn’t know you were my soulmate, you had no way of knowing that,” Sunghoon argued, “I just had to listen to you and-” Heeseung kissed him to shut him up.

“We were both idiots, but everything turned out fine.” Sunghoon frowned.

“You had to faint for this to happen,” he pointed out. “I- I felt so scared when I saw you collapsing, I think my heart stopped for a moment,” he sat up, he put his free hand over Heeseung’s, which was still resting against his cheek. “Never letting something like that happen again.”

“I’ll count on you for that.” Heeseung chuckled, letting go of both of Sunghoon’s hands, hugging him instead.

Sunghoon, almost by instinct, hugged him back. If you were to ask Heeseung, he’d say the month he spent feeling like death was worth it, he got Sunghoon in the end. If he had to faint again for them to get their shit together, he would without hesitation. But he had a feeling Sunghoon wouldn’t appreciate him saying that, so for now, he’d keep it to himself. With his arms around Sunghoon, Heeseung pushed him down onto the couch, resting his head on Sunghoon’s chest.

Gently, Sunghoon started running his fingers though Heeseung’s hair. It felt nice, Heeseung got himself comfortable on top of Sunghoon, exhaling when he found himself in the most comfortable position. Sunghoon moved just a little to get himself comfortable, getting his legs to be on the couch as well while he continued playing with Heeseung’s hair. To no one’s surprise, it wasn’t long before Sunghoon noticed Heeseung had fallen asleep. Smiling softly, Sunghoon closed his eyes as well. They were both exhausted, though Heeseung probably a bit more than him.

By the time everyone returned to the dorm, Heeseung and Sunghoon were both asleep in the couch, tightly cuddling each other. They all smiled at them, knowing the worst had passed and they could all deal with telling the manager later. They also took about a hundred pictures from different angles. When they finally woke up, they teased them relentlessly, making Heeseung and Sunghoon flush red. They let them though, happy that they were finally together. The dramatic yells and screams when they kissed in front of everyone was good enough revenge.