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The last words that they had said to each other rung through Percy's mind, playing over and over again as they drowned out the possibility of him getting anything that resembled sleep that night. It was already practically four in morning and he had been tossing and turning all night. It wasn't the first night that he had been kept awake by the memories of Theo, and he was sure that it wouldn't be the last, unless there was some way that he could get in touch with the younger man.
The problem with that was that he didn't even know where Theo was now, which he knew was something that the Slytherin had carefully planned out. He didn't want Percy in his life and he had made that perfectly clear when he had broken up with him. Percy had tried to convince himself that it was mutual, but they both knew that that wasn't the case.
Percy didn't want to not have Theo in his life, but Theo was an auror now. He didn't get a say in the wheres and whens of his life any more. Percy was willing to be wait for him, to only have Theo in his life when he could, but Theo had told him that he couldn't do that to him anymore. Theo had made that decision for Percy and that had hurt the most.
Theo had been right about one thing though - the not-knowing when the man was going to come home was killing him, even though Percy knew that he was never going to come home because this wasn't his home any more. This wasn't even Percy's home anymore, it was just a place that Percy lived and he was barely even doing that.
Eventually he decided to give up on sleep and rolled out of bed. He stumbled to the kitchen, bumping into the furniture as he went. He used to be able to navigate around the flat in the dark without so much as touching any of the walls, but now it seemed that his entire world had been thrown upside down and so his sense of direction had been thrown into disarray. He couldn't find his way in the flat, let alone in life, without Theo.
He grabbed the whiskey out of the cupboard and poured himself a large glass. It wasn't exactly the best breakfast for him to have, but he knew that it was exactly what he needed. He downed the glass practically in one and closed his eyes tightly as he leaned against the kitchen counter.
Percy forced himself to take several deep breaths before he poured himself another drink. He wanted all of the past to melt away, but he didn't know how that could happen when the past was what made him him.
But the past also hurt. The past hurt so much that it felt like it was the only thing that was holding him together just then. And yet, he couldn't help but hold out some hope that at some point all of this pain would be worth it, that at some point Theo would be in his arms once again.
Percy knew for a fact that there was no way that he was ever going to fall in love with anyone that wasn't Theo. He wouldn't ever love anyone else ever again, and that was something that he could feel in his soul.