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Moonlight slipped through the thin courtains in Oikawa’s bedroom. His AC was freezing the room but his body felt so heavy he couldn’t bring himself to move and turn it off. Wrapped in his blue covers he felt time stop.
Iwaizumi was mad at him.
It wasn’t his best friend getting angry what bothered him the most. It was the reason. Iwaizumi was aware that Oikawa received confessions mostly after practice, that’s why he always waited for Oikawa at the gates and then they walked home together. Iwaizumi had started acting slightly different towards him since a few weeks ago, it was far from unpleasant. He had started complimenting him more and letting Oikawa hold on to him for long periods of time without hitting him, these series of little changes flustered Oikawa to the point where he blushed softly and to forget what he was saying.
Iwaizumi was also getting more protective of him, even though he knew perfectly that Oikawa was more than capable of fending for himself. That afternoon he followed Oikawa out of the gym and stayed a few steps behind him, as Oikawa received the confession of a sweet second year boy. Maybe he started to get angry when the younger boy declared his love loudly and intensly. Maybe he realized he was angry when the boy suddenly kissed him, and it wasn’t necessarily just a peck. Iwaizumi then stomped his way between them and pushed the boy, making him tumble. Scared, he apologized to Oikawa and Iwaizumi before running away.
“Why did you do that” had asked an exasperated Oikawa. "That boy didn’t deserve that treatment."
“That was your first kiss” said Iwaizumi, looking at Oikawa with a dead serious expression.
Oikawa laughed a little at how solemn his best friend looked while believing he was protecting Oikawa’s “maiden” self. Iwaizumi was puzzled, unable to find a reason behind Oikawa’s laughter.
“That wasn’t my first kiss Iwa-chan” he said with a giggle, his stomach felt funny with Iwaizumi’s concern.
What Oikawa didn’t expect was seeing Iwaizumi’s face change into an expression he couldn’t read. Eyebrows furrowed, he tensed his jaw and lifted his chin at Oikawa.
“What? You never told me.”
Despite his look, he didn’t sound angry. He sounded… sad? Perhaps disappointed? What Oikawa knew was that he never wanted to see that expression on Iwaizumi ever again, he never wanted to be the one that expression was directed at.
“I- I didn’t think it would matter, it was on a date” stammered Oikawa as Iwaizumi looked hurt and angry all at the same time.
“Date? I knew you went on some but you always said they were a hassle and you were only repaying favors! You never told me you… did you kiss all of your dates?”
As the wind blew harder the leaves produced a ruffling sound, Iwaizumi’s voice started to grow louder, he looked shaken. Oikawa was scared and unsure of what he did wrong. Even after everything he’d done, Iwaizumi never reacted like that.
“No! I’m not like that! Why is this such a big deal? They were just kisses, they don’t matter” Oikawa said as his voice failed him, he was getting frustrated, Iwaizumi was not calming down. His stomach twisted inside of him. He wanted to puke.
“It matters to me!” his best friend yelled, and Oikawa swore he could see tears forming in his eyes. “I’ll just… I’ll go” he added in a soft quiet voice.
“Iwa…”
Oikawa tried to trail behind him but Iwaizumi started to run.
Iwaizumi was mad at him.
Oikawa turned and turned in his bed but nothing he did made him comfortable. He got up and started watching volleyball matches in a desperate attempt to make his troubled feelings go away for a while, at least so he could get some sleep. However, when the sun started to rise, he realized it had been of no use. Dragging his feet, he changed for school but before going he sneaked into his mother’s room and put on some concealer on his eyebags. After all, he always needed to look his best. Even when he was feeling like shit.
He knew better than to wait for Iwaizumi and walked alone all the way to school. That morning the easy breeze felt dooming, why did a kiss matter so much to Iwaizumi… a better question rose: why did he feel like he betrayed Iwaizumi by having kissed a few people.
He got to class and Makki was already teasing Mattsun about some weird expression he used during practice the day before. He could only smile to everyone, but he couldn’t utter a word since Iwaizumi was right there, right in front of Oikawa, and said nothing to him.
During their history lesson, the first class of the day, Iwaizumi kept glancing to Oikawa. Perhaps he thought the other boy wouldn’t notice. Oikawa wished he could say that calmed him but it only made matters worse. They were advancing as a pair… They were being even more intimate and comfortable with each other. Why did something stupid as a kiss throw them back to square 0? Not even square 1, even in elementary school they were better than this. They talked or used the court to resolve their issues, Iwaizumi had never down right avoided him.
Finally after a few more lessons, the bell rang and break started. Makki’s eyes went from Iwaizumi to Oikawa a few times before he decided to drag Mattsun and other classmates to play cards in class B. Iwaizumi stayed in his seat, looking through the window. His jaw was tensed as if he waited for Oikawa to start a conversation but dreaded it. Although as soon as Oikawa got up and walked over to him, a group of girls surrounded him and started asking for him to go to the cherry blossom tree (where one of their friends was waiting). Oikawa didn’t want anything to do with that, not before talking and fixing things with his best friend. Unlucky for him Iwaizumi aggressively got up and shot a death stare his way before Oikawa could stop him and stormed off the classroom. Oikawa’s chest ached profoundly. However, there were girls in front of him and his façade could not come undone. He smiled at them and carefully explained that he was feeling unwell and needed to make his way to the nurse.
As they worried about him and asked questions he made use of his long, fine legs and rushed his way to the bathroom instead. He had to smile and wave to a few other people on his way there. His heart crumbled in an inexplicable way. He hated himself for being hated by his… his best friend. His best friend who once was his only friend. His other half. They were supposed to be friends forever. Why… no, how did he ruin it?
Entering the bathroom he locked himself in a stall and stared at the ceiling. A popular, dreamy, idol guy like him couldn’t cry at school. He need to pull himself together. Visualizing a gold medal around his neck felt like nothing when he realized Iwaizumi wouldn’t be there to share the win with him.
With herculean strength he held back the tears. Splashing cold water to his face made him feel better. Carefully drying his face in order to not wipe the concealer off he heard the door creak open. Being in the boys’ bathroom gave him the liberty of maintaining a straight face but looking to the door and recognizing who was standing there… He wasn’t sure he could maintain it. Unable to articulate a single word, his chest started banging. Iwaizumi was already turning away but Oikawa grabbed his wrist.
“Oikawa” he said in a hoarse voice.
Paler than he had ever been Oikawa contrasted heavily against Iwaizumi’s honey skin, that was tanner thanks to their long outdoor training. He didn’t let go and Iwaizumi didn’t yank his wrist out of his grip either. A slight blush was appearing on their cheeks for reasons yet unknown. Oikawa opened his mouth but he couldn’t bring himself to speak. What do you say when you’re in a situation you don’t understand? What do you say when the wrong words could result on tragedy?
“I know we need to talk, but not now” Iwaizumi once again saved Oikawa although when he said that he was looking to the door and his voice carried a sad undertone.
“When?”
“After practice… I’ll be waiting for you on our usual place.
”
“Iwa-“ he started but was cut by Iwaizumi’s exit through the door.
He told himself he would at least get an explanation. He focused on everything but that during the rest of the day which was the hardest task he had ever posed upon himself. Ignoring Makki’s indirect questions about the issue and avoiding being more than a few minutes with his fans was far from a breeze but it was managable. For practice he was the first in the gym already changed and did everything with twice the effort it required. Kindaichi worried about him and tried to talk to him but the sound of his serve’s impact made him retreat. Iwaizumi on the other hand was unable to spike any toss, his tempo was off and his serves were sloppy at best. The entire team was certain something happened between the two of them, Oikawa was quiet and aggressive. Iwaizumi was aloof and incompetent. No one dared to speak to any of them and refrained from talking too loud amongst themselves.
Coach Nobuteru ended training earlier than usual, there was no use training in their current state. He called for Oikawa after dismissing everyone.
“Don’t hurt yourself by practicing too hard. You’ll make yourself useless, instead why don’t you talk to Iwaizumi?”
With a pat on the back, Oikawa was dismissed too. His feet knew where to go so his body was only dragged along. His anxiety bit his brain and it hurt as if it bared fangs. Nothing new, but the mere thought of Iwaizumi’s sad tone and displeasure being all because of him gave him chest pains and nausea. What if Iwaizumi wanted to stop being friends? What if what he wanted to talk about was how Oikawa disappointed him for the last time? Their usual place was where they used to spend entire afternoons playing with their toys and making up stories about aliens, monsters and superheroes after playing volleyball all morning during their elementary school days. After that it was where they sneaked into after their practices during middle school before heading home, Iwaizumi had a stash of Godzilla fancomics he reread almost as much as he watched the movie and Oikawa collected alien related magazines and read them as he tried to convince his best friend of some dumb alien theory. In high school they used it only a couple of times, when the world overwhelmed them too much and they needed to sit in silence, knowing the other one was right there. Sometimes they played music and stayed there for a while before heading home. That place was their sanctuary, nothing could harm them as long as they were there together.
A tree house, too small for them now, looked sturdy and strong as a dim light in it’s window signaled that Iwaizumi was already inside. Oikawa gulped. A knot on his throat made his lips quiver. Oikawa knew he was always the prettiest person in the room, although during the seconds it took him to climb and get inside, he could not care less if the whole humanity fell in love with him if Iwaizumi was not standing besides him. None of those stupid kisses had ever meant something to him. The only one that mattered was Iwaizumi. The only one that ever mattered was him. His rejection hurt more than anything ever did and he felt guilty. Guilty like a traitor did although there was nothing to betray. Friends couldn't betray each other by kissing other people... A throb in his chest made him aware that he cared little about the definition of "friends" and what they could or could not do. Nothing mattered if he was left alone, more importantly, if he was left without Iwaizumi.
Iwaizumi was sitting with his legs crossed in his volleyball uniform, unshowered. He looked exhausted. His piercing brown eyes seemed to look directly at Oikawa’s soul. Chills went through his spine as he sat hugging his knees. Despite being taller than Iwaizumi, the fear he felt and the greatness of his feelings for his brunet best friend made him small. Maybe it was too late to fix anything but a slight dash of hope lingered in his heart.
“Oikawa”
“Iwa… Iwaizumi” he said and the entirety of the last name stabbed Oikawa’s throat.
Hearing his full name made Iwaizumi flinch. They fell into an awkward silence, neither of them moved or breathed too loudly.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” finally asked Iwaizumi in a whisper, almost too soft for Oikawa to hear.
“None of the kisses I was involved in were ever important to me…” he closed his eyes to gather inexistent courage to say something else but was interrupted by Iwaizumi.
“Importance never stopped you from telling me things before, Oikawa you even tell me when your favorite store has a discount you didn’t know about” his tone was accusatory.
“It felt like I was somehow… betraying you? It just felt wrong. It was also something I never wanted you to find out about I guess, I was -am- embarrassed about it.”
Another long silence fell, Oikawa had nothing better to add so he avoided looking directly at Iwaizumi instead he looked out the little window to nowhere in particular. Iwaizumi was carving a hole in Oikawa’s head with his intense staring but there was something inside Oikawa that wanted him too keep being the object of his long, piercing stares forever. Delighted is how he felt as he basked in the afternoon light being almost punished by Iwaizumi's eyes. Time stopped for a second when he realized what that meant, what everything meant, an intense blushing suddenly appeared on his face spreadding itself all the way to his ears. Was he really that stupid?
“I need to-“
“Oikawa I-“
They chuckled as a nervous response of talking at the same time. Despite his fears, Oikawa nodded at Iwaizumi. He took the hint and started talking again.
“I have something important to tell you, but I want you to promise me that you’ll forget it by tomorrow.”
“What? Why?”
“Just do it, if you don’t promise me that, I can’t tell you anything.”
“That’s not fair and you know it! Iwa… Iwaizumi!”
“Don’t.” he sighed deeply and with a softer voice he continued, “don’t use my full name ever again. It creeps me out. Besides there is no reason for you to use it.”
“I thought you were mad at me, you started avoiding me, I thought you… I thought you were going to stop being my... my friend.” Admitted Oikawa, although teary eyed and slightly relieved.
“I was angry, maybe, but it was more… Jealousy.”
“Jealousy?”
Iwaizumi was blushing too. At the sight, Oikawa went blank. Was this happening for real?
“Yes, Dumbkawa, you heard right. I was jealous of the other people you kissed, who kissed you or hugged you or whatever. Was I really that good at concealing my feelings these past weeks? I’ve realized…” He paused to take a deep breath and with his hand clenching his jacket where his heart was supposed to be, “I love you… a time ago already, I thought I was being too obvious since Makki and Mattsun were aware of it already. When you responded to some of my actions where I was taking the liberty of you know… being closer to you in some way or another and you acted so natural, you even started being touchier with me… I sort of well, I assumed wrongly that maybe you were feeling the same way.”
A few seconds of silence felt like centuries. The night breeze was making Oikawa shiver, but he didn’t dare move, the spot where he was sitting was the perfect place to admire Iwaizumi. His body fit perfectly sitting with his legs crossed and his hands placed on his knees, grabbing them a little too strongly. Perhaps it was the nerves, his jaw was clenched but his face screamed “worried.” His blush spread through his entire face, marking even more the little freckles that spread through his nose and cheeks.
“You weren’t wrong… It took me feeling the sky’s weight on my shoulders to realize some of it and then… it took me saying why I never told you to realize it finally.”
“Don’t answer me for pity Oikawa I don’t intend of ending our friendship if you don’t feel the same, that’s why I told you to promise you would forget it by tomorrow.”
“I never promised anything and this isn’t pity Hajime you have to believe me, otherwise I’ll fall apart. Iwa-no, Hajime. Listen to me” Oikawa regained his strenght and he was determined to make Iwaizumi understand that it was all real, his feelings were reciprocated. Iwaizumi stuck his gaze on the biggest poster in the wall next to him, visibly fighting the urge to look at Oikawa. “Hajime” he repeated, even softer this time.
Crawling closer to him and sitting only a few inches apart, he repeated the boy’s name one more time, his pale rough hands couping those honey -now rose tinted- cheeks. Forcing Iwaizumi to look at him directly.
“Hajime”
“Tooru” he muttered in a deep voice, as if it was wrong to say it any louder than that.
“I love you too.”
Without thinking twice Oikawa pressed his lips against Iwaizumi’s. Oikawa knew what to do but Iwaizumi was frozen and didn’t even open his mouth. He backed a little, just enough so their noses weren’t touching. The mosquitoes and the moonlight were now filling the scene, as their hearts thumped in sync.
“Sorry.’’
“No, I was just surprised” said Iwaizumi, with a crack in his voice.
He looked flustered and as he fixed his volleyball shorts, Oikawa knew what was going on. He giggled and looked away for a moment. Iwaizumi cleared his throat and scratched his neck, he was so nervous it was making Oikawa’s heart and head go into a different dimension.
“So…”
“Yes?”
“Can we… Uh could we try that again… One more time’’ he said with difficulty, trying hard for his voice to remain deep and calm. He dared not look directly at Oikawa’s glittering eyes.
Oikawa launched himself towards him and with his arms he pulled Iwaizumi’s face closer, their noses touching. Gently and slower than before he pressed their lips together as he opened his mouth. With his tongue he forced open Iwaizumi’s mouth, and started deepening the kiss. Iwaizumi was a fast learner. He mimicked Oikawa’s moves and started moving his hands against his back. It felt good. They were moving and suddenly Oikawa found himself sitting on top of Iwaizumi, one of his fingers pressed a sensible spot on Oikawa’s back and he bit Iwaizumi’s lip repressing a moan. As if they were walking through clouds, Oikawa felt elevated and complete. He found in that moment that nothing else had ever felt this way. Kissing his best friend, being embraced by his best friend felt even better than spiking the volleyball at 122 km/h and leaving everyone -even himself- astonished at his strength.
Their lips were sore. Oikawa rested his head in Iwaizumi’s shoulder as they spent a few moments in silence, slowing their breath and Oikawa was trying to control his impulse to give himself entirely to Iwaizumi right there and then. The stars were shining bright, the lamp inside the tree house was still on. While they were kissing and holding each other the world stopped moving, nothing else existed but them. Oikawa knew better than to trust his delusions, the stars were shining. How many time had passed since they got there? Without stressing over that he buried his nose on the intersection of Iwaizumi's neck and shoulder. He felt him swat mosquitoes from his back. Oikawa made a mental note to bring insect repellents next time.
“We should probably head home now” said Iwaizumi and Oikawa could feel his mouth open and close against his nape.
“We should.”
“My mom is going to kill me” continued Iwaizumi without letting go.
“Bet my parents aren’t even home.”
“Sleep at mine today then.”
“That wouldn’t be such a great idea Iwa-chan” he giggled against Iwaizumi’s shirt.
Iwaizumi still smelled a little of sweat since the body spray he used wasn’t that strong though Oikawa remained attached to him. He always complained when his teammates refused to shower after practice but since it was Iwaizumi, and he never really smelt bad… He could excuse it. Then he remembered something dreadful.
“Iwa, I forgot to shower before leaving the gym today!’’ a panicked voice came out of him and he disentagled himself from Iwaizumi. He backed away and started sniffing his shirt. “Stop laughing at me! Mean Iwa-chan, I guess I was too caught up with our situation that I forgot to shower. Ugh!”
Oikawa suddenly felt so embarrassed that he wanted to hide. Staring at Iwaizumi while he laughed erased that thought off his mind. The sight belonged to an art museum, he wanted his brain to record every second of it so he could play it on repeat everytime he needed to. Iwaizumi’s eyes were reduced to upside down crescent moons, his laughter was unrestrained. Echoing through those four walls it filled the room. He arched his back while laughing as he took one hand to cover his mouth and shook his head as to disapprove Oikawa’s sudden outburst of dumbfounded panic.
“You can be so stupid at times, Tooru.”
Oikawa smiled shyly at the boy he adored, who was also smiling at him.
“Shut up Hajime.”
“Let’s go” he extended his hand for Oikawa to get up, but if Iwaizumi had to bend his head downwards, Oikawa had to crouch.
“I really should head home tonight.”
“Don’t be stupid Shittykawa” replied Iwaizumi as they climbed down the tree and walked to Iwaizumi’s house.
Oikawa was regretting not insisting more in spending the night at his own house rather than spending it with his best friend? Boyfriend? Partner? He made a mental note to clear that with Iwaizumi.
They arrived to the sound of TV and his mother’s dishwasher. She reprimended them for practicing until too late, proceeded to worry about their physical health and finally sent them to Iwaizumi’s room with a bowl full of cut fruit for them to “at least eat something before sleeping”, Oikawa couldn’t stop smiling. He showered first and while it was Iwaizumi’s turn he ate his fruit. Concern was not the right word for how he was feeling, it was mostly distrust towards himself… Would he be able to restrain himself from advancing things with Iwaizumi so quickly? He had just realized his feelings but it had hit him like a truck. He had always felt that way about him, he was just oblivious and blind to everything that might strain their ‘current’ relationship. Now there was no turning back.
Water dripped from Iwaizumi’s hair into the white t-shirt he used as pajamas. He slept with Godzilla shorts which came as no surprise. Oikawa couldn’t help but stare. When Iwaizumi blushed as he took notice of that he snapped out of it and cleared his throat. Gaining control over his impulses once again.
“Right… then I’ll bring the futon for myself” Oikawa tried to get up from the bed, where he had been sitting comfortably, but Iwaizumi pushed his shoulder down. “Iwa?”
“Sleep with me” he replied softly, even more soft than when he talked at the tree house. He couldn’t even meet Oikawa’s surprised eyes. “Not- well, not yet, like that. Let’s just share the bed…”
His voice carried no confidence at all. Oikawa wanted nothing more than to keep him between his arms and cuddle him until they forgot their names. Maybe if they held each other long enough they could merge their souls and intertwine their destinies. These thoughts were the ones that made him wonder how he stayed oblivious for so long.
“Yes” was all Oikawa said. He laid on the right side of the bed as he opened his arms and Iwaizumi who seemed to have bathed in glitter since he was sparkling, rushed his way into his place.
The clothes Iwaizumi gave him were his own but they smelled like the boy he was gently caressing under the covers. Iwaizumi’s hair was still damp though that didn’t stop Oikawa from running his fingers through it. The AC was keeping the temperature comfortable but it still seemed hot with Iwaizumi’s body so close to his. When Iwaizumi started to doze off, Oikawa knew it would be a long night.
He probably went to sleep at 3am after singing for the 20th time the national anthem. Damn the teenage body and the stupid hormones. How did Iwaizumi manage? The sun was already basking the window and Iwaizumi hadn’t closed the curtains all the way. Being a school day neither of them were bothered to be awake so early. Iwaizumi blinked aggressively before looking up in disbelief to Oikawa, who hadn’t let go of him all night.
“Good morning Hajime” he said in a hoarse voice from sleeping so little. “We need to get up before your mom comes in and finds us like this.”
“Good morming” he replied and without another word he got up and rushed to the bathroom.
“Well wasn’t that romantic” Oikawa whispered to himself.
Oikawa was already in the spare uniform he kept on Iwaizumi’s house when he started rumaging through Iwaizumi’s desk in search of a comb until he finally came out of the bathroom, face flushed and looking guilty. Quickly Oikawa realized what went on and laughed at Iwaizumi who started to playfully insult him with dumb nicknames.
“Go ask my mom for make-up so you can be the prettiest girl at the party like that annoying cartoon blonde and stop bothering me Shittykawa!”
“I’m not going to ask her for make-up! And for the last time if we were to cosplay the PowerPuff Girls I would be Blossom. Not Bubbles!” he puffed. “And don’t lie, I remember you saying that you liked Bubbles the most when we were in middle school! Wait no, now I do want to be Bubbles.”
“Just shut up!”
Once they were both ready and their breakfasts were eaten, they headed out. A clear sky seemed to brighten the roads and liven everyone’s mood. Suddenly the little town Oikawa had outgrown was perfectly his size, feeling Iwaizumi’s hand brush gently against his as they walked awfully and unnecessarily close. Their voices were silent but their hearts’ rythym harmonized. It was the most comfortable Oikawa felt in a long time. Knowing Iwaizumi chose to stay with him was worth everything.
A few blocks before arriving Iwaizumi stopped.
“What’s the matter Iwa-chan?”
“Listen, I know there are a million other guys and girls that are probably more experienced and possible hotter than me, who would look even better by your side. Maybe you deserve someone who’s more gentle with you, maybe someday you’ll realize I was just someone who happened to catch your attention. I am unsure of what you could feel in the future but I know my feelings will never change. Even with the knowledge that you cried when that big alien sighting turned out to be fake despite the fact you were already fifteen, I love you.” he started, and Oikawa’s expressions changed with every word, “I want you to stay with me, I want the right to call me yours and to say you’re mine. What I’m asking is, Tooru… Would you be my boyfriend?’’
“I will never feel this way for anyone again you know? I love you. You didn’t have to start with all that nonsense though! I don’t deserve anyone else and I won't let anyone take you from me so it’s more like you’re stuck with me. Forever. For better or for worse.”
“Is that a yes?”
“For god’s sake! Yes it’s a yes Hajime.”
They both giggled before holding hands for a few steps until other students were in sight. Although no one else mattered in that moment, their relationship felt too sacred for it to be tainted with other people’s opinions. A silent agreement to keep it hidden for the moment formed right there and then.
Oikawa walked on clouds the rest of the day. Too busy in his own head to pretend to listen to his fangirls as soon as Iwaizumi walked near. He would yell “Iwa-chan!” and cling to him as Makki and Mattsun exchanged knowing looks. It was time for practice and the team was a little tense, waiting for Oikawa and Iwaizumi to start avoiding each other again, maybe they would even witness them fighting. Everyone, including Kyoutani, was surprised when they started practice like nothing happened. Their dynamics were back to normal, even better if one could say. As the spiking drills started they were scarier than ever. Iwaizumi wouldn’t even signal to Oikawa, the ball just flew his way perfectly accomodating for the best and strongest spike they’ve seen Iwaizumi do. Kindaichi whispered -not low enough- something to Kunimi letting his admiration for both of the upperclassmen spill all over everyone that was near earshot.
They were the perfect pair. Oikawa would fight the entire universe if it meant staying besides Iwaizumi as his equal and his lover. It was always his plan to stay, although being best friends forever evolved into giving himself to Iwaizumi and openly receiving everything that encompassed Iwaizumi. The swings the world decided to take on him or them were nothing as long as they stood side by side. Oikawa knew that by heart. He smiled brightly as he grabbed Iwaizumi's hand in the empty locker room, and his boyfriend smiled back.