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When the Hulk slammed him around like a rag doll, thoroughly breaking bones one by one, Loki dared let his hope raise its ugly head somewhere in his chest. Hope, it was deadly and temping. Oh so tempting. But Loki had thought, then, he could actually die a quick death. He was in pain, sure, (hadn't he always been in pain?) but at least it would be quick. This would be quick.
Whatever tiny glimpse of hope he had had, gone in the blink of an eye when, instead of finishing it, the Hulk walked away, leaving him on the ground, alive and breathing, his fractured bones slowly mending itself together despite Loki's dismay.
He should've known a quick death wasn't something someone like him deserved. How stupid. How naive to believe otherwise.
When Thor clasped the cold, metal muzzle around his mouth like a dog, Loki could barely hold himself from flinching away. Despite the firmness the gag provided, Thor's touch was surprisingly gentle it almost looked like Thor didn't wish to cause him any more harm. A lie. Thor's sentimental eyes were nothing but false kindness. The same type of kindness Asgard's royal family showered him with ever since he was a babe, the one that wasn't real. It smothered him. It suffocated him. Loki knew better now. They couldn't fool him no more.
He let his gaze, his hateful gaze, carry up ahead as Thor dragged him in chain - like a dog, a savage beast - through village in Asgard, their destination the palace where he would stand the trial.
Loki felt all eyes staring at him, people who once kneeled for him and called him their prince were now whispering to each other about such a monster been living among them these whole time, about how dangerous it was to have their children so close to something so menacing. He wondered briefly, had Thor not been here, would they pick up rocks and throw them at him until he bled. Had it not been for their respect belonged rightfully to Asgard's golden prince (Asgard's only prince) would they stone him to death right there and then? Thinking about it, Loki almost bursted out laughing because wasn't it funny? The way all of them must be picturing him dead and unmoving in the pool of his own blood on the floor. The way they all would surely have nightmares for centuries to come; the monster they told their children about at night had been right under their noses and they hadn't the faintest idea about it.
Let them fantasy his demise. Let them fear his existence. At least Loki knew what he was now. At least he was no longer a clown Odin and Frigga fooled. At the very least they couldn't laugh at him behind his back any more.
He had expected a cell, locked away in the deep dark dungeons. He could hardly hide the surprise on his face when Thor took him to his old chamber. His old chamber. No. No, Loki couldn't be here. This place held too much history. Memories. The innocent little boy who grew up here was dead, what Loki was right now, it wasn't that. So he protested, fought with all he'd got (and what he'd got wasn't much, obviously, with his limbs restrained and his magic bounded)
A voice buried deep within him screamed 'pathetic' as Thor manhandled him inside the room until he was not-so-gently shoved back until he stumbled and ended up sitting on the edge of his own bed, in which he hadn't slept in for what felt like eternity. Thor's hand on his shoulder wasn't a dreadful grip, but the pressure was firm enough to keep Loki still. Pathetic. Defenseless. Loki looked up defiantly at the man whom he once believed was his brother, his eyes burnt with loathing.
Eventually, Thor's hand moved to unclasp the muzzle. It fell to the ground with a clank, laying unmoving at Loki's feet and Loki was tempted to kick it as far away from him as he could, he did no such thing (for he knew, or thought he knew, the sign of him being disturbed by the gag would only satisfy Thor) instead Loki worked his jaw. Him being handcuffed still was uncomfortable, but if Thor wanted him to beg then Thor was only going to get disappointed.
"What game are you playing this time, Odinson?" Loki hissed. His voice hoarse and raw as though the last time he’d spoken anything was a lifetime ago. "I'd say the Allfather isn't going to approve your not bringing his prisoner straight to the gallows -"
"You are going to remain here until your trial which will take place tomorrow at dawn," Thor cut him off as though he hadn't heard a word Loki threw at him. "The Council will decide your sentence," Thor was removing the handcuffs now, and if Loki felt like rubbing at his wrists where the skin had turned light shade of red, he contained himself from doing so, at least not in front of Thor.
"You mean how they'll execute me, which way renders the slowest death. I'd say the good old stoning is much more entertaining than hanging. Guillotine would be too quick, though."
"Your magic is bounded, so I'd advise against trying to access them. You wouldn't achieve anything." Even if Thor deliberately ignored Loki's harsh words, Loki saw him grimace, and he counted as a victory. A small one, but still a victory. "Should you need anything during your stay here, there are guards outside the door, let them know your require, for they were assigned to make sure you got what you wanted,"
"I want to be out of this disgusting pit of Hel. Put me in a cell where the savage beast belongs,"
"The cells are for savage beasts, but I'm afraid I do not see one here," Frigga's voice startled Loki. He didn't think he'd ever see her again, let alone so soon after Thor dragged him back ho — no — to Asgard. After Thor dragged him back to Asgard.
He hated her. He hated that she lied to him, pretended to love him. But most profoundly he hated himself for still loving her so much he could never actually hate her. Frigga stood at the doorway for a short moment before she crossed the threshold. Her eyes were glossy and Loki knew the look of her when she was fighting back tears. Only that he wouldn't know why. If she thought she could still pretend she cared by shedding tears for him.
"Hello mother," Loki's smile was sharp and ghostly. "Have I made you proud?"
"Loki," warning weaving in Thor's voice, clear and present.
Frigga simply stood there, looking at him with that look in her eyes that made Loki want to snarl at her like a rabid dog and at the same time, it made him want to curl up in a ball on her lap and just weep with her fingers gently stroking his hair like when he was a little boy.
"I am glad you're finally home, my son."
"I am not your son. Do not call me that." Loki's voice rose. Bitter and poisonous. The hurt on her face satisfied him, it felt like a knife twisting deep in his heart it hurt him more than it did her. Only that he knew to keep his expression guarded, all emotions buried so deep that there was no way Thor or Frigga could get a glimpse of them.
Then she smiled a sad smile. "You will always be my little bright eyed boy,"
Loki hissed. Much to his own surprise, he didn't have the heart to respond to her kind words (a lie) with cruel words.
"Mother wished for you to be here," Thor said. "She talked our father into agreeing against keeping you in a cell, considering here would be much more comforting... until the Council decides what the consequences for your crimes will be."
When Loki laughed it was hollow and ghostlike, nothing like the boy Asgard's queen had raised. "You all are still playing this game, I see." He flashed them a smile, white teeth on display, though it made Thor's skin crawl. "You are not my family and I am not your son or your brother. Odin said so himself, Jotuns were monsters. And what do we do with monsters? We slay them. Don't pretend like you don't know what will happen when you all can hardly wait to see me beheaded. Or perhaps decapitation is too fast. Too painless. Oh, I'm excited to see which way the royal family of Asgard will choose to bring an end to this beast-"
"Enough!" Thor shouted, cutting Loki off as Frigga made a strange, strangled noise. "You can think so little of me all you want, but do not say that mother wishes you dead. You are confused, Loki. You don't see things clearly," there was desperation in Thor's voice. He looked like he was so close to grabbing Loki by the shoulders and shaking him until whatever madness, whatever disease, was gnawing at his brother's heart was gone. If only it were that easy to shake some sense into him.
"Wrong, Odinson." Loki rose on his feet. "I've never seen clearer. Your lies and your false affection can no longer fool me. I am no longer your pet monster,"
"Is that what you think you are to us?" Frigga's voice was firm, though there was a crack in it. Barely audible. Loki stopped. His gaze landed upon her. She was approaching him until she was there, right in front of her lost son. Thor seemed doubtful, like he was afraid his troubled brother would suddenly attack his own mother, but Loki just looked at her as though he'd never met her before.
(Her scent. It was the familiar lavender scent of the perfume she had always liked that reached deep into Loki's heart. He remembered - how he had sought this scent of hers when he was little and was in need of protection from the monsters in his nightmares, her scent meant she got him, and therefore no harm could come to him)
"I am sorry," she continued. And Norns she sounded so sincere. So broken. "For what has happened to you that made you think we do not love you. But remember that," her hand touched his cheek and no matter how those venomous voices screamed at him to push her away, Loki stayed still. "You are my son. Your brother's brother. Our family. And we love you. I will find a way to heal what's been broken. Oh, my sweet little boy," she was crying now. A drop of tear rolling down her face (and Loki had always hated it when she cried. He hated it even more that he was the reason she cried) "My poor sweet little boy, I will not let anyone hurt you again. I'm so sorry I wasn't there,"
Something twisted in Loki's eyes. He blinked and quickly looked the other way so she was no longer cupping his face.
If he looked deranged before, now he only seemed tired. Exhausted. "I wish to be alone." Loki said, voice barely above a whisper, eyes glued to the wall.
Frigga sighed. "All right then," she wanted to stay, that much was obvious, but she did respect her son's wish. "Get some rest, and don't worry about tomorrow. I will not let them take you away from me." The last sentence was more for her than it was for him.
Loki didn't say anything as she turned around. Thor was uncertain about leaving, but Frigga gently pulled at his elbow and that, Thor knew, was that. "You're safe here," he said after a while, in which Loki gave no respond (but Thor didn't expect a response anyway)
When the door was gently closed behind them and Loki was left alone with his thoughts, he screamed until his lungs burnt.
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"He's not himself right now," his mother told him. "You must know that. Your brother, he is greatly wounded."
Thor knew. He may not know what had been done to Loki after he fell - no, after he let go - into the Void, but he knew his brother was lost. Confused. He clearly came back scarred, and Thor hadn't the faintest idea how to heal them. "Aye," Thor murmured, not meeting Frigga's eyes. "I know that." But it was still frustrating, the way Loki acted as though they were his enemies and all the laughs and tears and memories Thor shared with him since their childhood gone as if it was never existed. "I miss him," he said after a pause. "I miss my brother," because, as painful as it was, Thor was afraid locked in the chamber wasn't the Loki he knew at all. If the Loki he knew died in said Void and this, this was truly a monster who wore Thor's brother's face.
"I know," Frigga gave him a reassuring smile that didn't reach her eyes. "I miss him, too."
"What if this is how it's going to be? What if this is permanent? What if Loki -"
"Then I will still love him," Frigga cut him off. "No matter if he refuses my help or if he believes my love for him is a lie, I will still love him nonetheless. He's my son. Your brother. Just because he's hurt doesn't mean I'll love him any less."
At that Thor could only smile softly. She was right.
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He should've known better. They should've known better. Loki was like an octopus, that had always been what Thor jokingly called him when they were children, a creature of Midgard Frigga used to read to them before bed. Because octopuses were sneaky, you put them in a box all sealed from all sides and they would still somehow find a way to escape, no matter how small the crack was.
Loki was just like that. Thor was woken up in the middle of the night to the news of his brother missing. Gone without a trace. He reacted to the provided information by an ancient trophy, earned from his victory over a battle against Fire Dragons on Muspelheim, threw across the room from the heat of the frustration.
"He could be in any realm," to his father Thor said, with great difficulty to contain the anger that hadn't quite faded out of his system. They all were in the throne room now, discussing about where the God of Mischief could be hiding. "The bind of Loki's seidr lifts once he's off Asgard. He could be anywhere right now."
"He's still weak, your brother." Odin said, his voice too calm for Thor's liking (but Odin was also known for not allowing his emotions to surface. What his father was thinking right now, Thor wouldn't know. Unlike his mother, whose pain was written so openly, so clearly across her expression) "With the ability to access to his magic now, yes, but he is still injured from his previous battle on Midgard. He cannot be far."
"Oh my boy," Frigga's voice came with a deep exhale. Deep sorrow. Thor could hear so perfectly clear, the words she left unsaid; her poor little boy, out there on his own, hurt and lost. What if he couldn't find a shelter, what if something happened to him?
"I will bring him back," Thor assured, and if there was uncertainty in his chest he made sure it was well concealed. He ought to add 'safe and unharmed' but he chose against making any further a promise, for he was afraid, even with his best, he would fail to keep them.
"Allfather," Heimdall bursted into the hall. It's been almost an hour since Odin assigned him to search for Loki.
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According to the All-Seeing, Loki made his way back to Midgard. Not surprising, Thor thought. Loki hated Midgard, but it was the closest and, with his injuries, he couldn't afford going any farther.
Though Midgard was vast, so tiny when compared to Asgard, but it was still considered a whole planet - and searching for a person when they could be anywhere in a whole planet wasn't easy. Thor learned that when he first came for Loki when he attempted to conquer Earth. He had a feeling this time was going to be a great deal more difficult, because Loki wasn't on the news actively threatening every living thing. This time, though, Loki would do his best to try to hide from Thor and everyone. And Loki was very good at not being seen when he wished not to be seen.
Thor decided to seek out his Midgardian allies; the Avengers. Not everyone but some whom he truly trusted. Thus Tony and Captain Rogers sat with him in the lounge room in Stark Tower. "Hold on a minute," Tony placed his martini down on the table. "You meant to tell me your baby brother, your psychotic baby brother, the one who threw me out the window and almost took over Earth, is back. After you specifically assured Asgard would take care of him and that he wouldn't be a problem anymore. You meant to tell me he's back after less than 24 hours after we finally got rid of him? No hard feelings but what the fuck!"
Steve rolled his eyes. He'd been unnervingly silent after Thor broke the news. If anything it was Tony who looked like he was on the verge of losing it (and Thor couldn't blame him)
"He is not a threat this time. So you don't need to worry about that. I give you my word."
"Like that time you said Asgard wouldn't let him loose? And that isn't even a day yet,"
Thor managed not to grimace. "I'll admit that I underestimated my brother. But believe me this time when I said he was no longer a threat. He's still injured and I assume he'll most likely only try to find a place to hide and lick his wounds."
"And you're asking us not to tell a word about this to anyone. And that we help you find him," Steve spoke eventually.
There was a short moment of silence before Thor opened up, "To be honest? I don't even know why I'm here telling you this. I guess I haven't the first idea where to start looking for him. I'm as unfamiliar with this world as Loki is. So I suppose, yes, I'm going to need your help. And I would appreciate it if we can keep this low. As I said, Loki is not a threat so there's no reason to make it a big deal and scare innocent civilians," scare Loki.
Tony looked like he was about to say something, but Steve beat him to it. "We'll help, if it means you can get Loki off earth and make sure he doesn't come back for a third visit."
"I promise," Thor said, certainty in his voice. "Thank you, my friends. I owe you big time,"
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It turned out Thor didn't lie about Loki hiding away. They searched everywhere, the only thing they got was nothing. Thor couldn't come home. He knew he wouldn't come home without a brother after promising Frigga he would bring him back.
It was probably a wise decision he decided against promising to bring him back safe and unharmed.
A call from Tony interrupted the dream Thor was thankful he didn't remember. He, half asleep, blindly fumbled for the device Tony gave. (And Tony was generous enough to lend him a guest room in his tower where he could sleep)
"Thor," said Tony from the other side of the line. "Buddy," and Thor knew, by the dreadful, heavy tone of Tony's voice, Thor knew something was wrong. He reflectively held his breath, almost cut off the connection right there and then because he wasn't ready to hear the truth. For once, he was a coward. He was scared.
But the truth was inevitable. Had always been inevitable. Something Thor wished he could run from (but even if he did try, how far could he get before he yanked at the leash and it all came flooding in, knocking him to the floor) so here he was; walking down the long, endless corridor of the hospital. The chemical smell made his stomach churn and the cold, chilling air was gnawing at his bones. He felt sick. He wanted to wheel around and flee. He kept walking forward. Each step harder than the last. Tony, walking in front of him, spoke something though Thor couldn't really understand it. He did hear the words, though his brain refused to process the meaning as a whole, it seemed. He was numb. This stubborn part of him, the stubborn part that refused to let the dangerous hope die down completely, wished it was a mistake, some misunderstanding. Thor knew should worst did come to worst, he would have no choice but to face and accept what it was.
They reached the morgue. Thor and Tony stood as the staff unlocked the thick, heavy metal door. It cracked open with a noise that was unpleasant to say the least. And Thor was hit in the the face with even more intense coldness. Inside was dim, the only light coming from the ceiling, only enough to allow Thor to see dozens of hard, metal tables in which laid upon them; bodies covered in white sheets. It smelt like death. That and with the sight alone were enough to make him feel like vomiting.
(Thor had seen thousands of gruesome deaths, mostly it was by his own hands even. But this — this was different. This was someone that could be Loki, might be Loki, and Thor never thought he would ever be prepared for this. Never in a million years had he thought this would happen to him. To them.)
He gulped whatever bile threatened to force its way out his mouth and entered the room. The stuff led him to one particular table. There was a corpse lying on it. Though Thor couldn't see the face, for it was under the sheet from head to toe.
"We need you to identify the body," said the man, the staff. "Whenever you're ready,"
Thor wordlessly jerked his head in a slight nod. He wasn't ready. Could never be ready, but the waiting game would be far more painful than getting this over with.
The man pulled down the sheet until it rested at the body's shoulders. Once the face was revealed, Tony made a strangled noise in his throat. Though Thor, as unnerving as it was, Thor made no sound at all. He stood utterly still, looking down at the extremely pale, bruised up and battered face of the raven haired man lying stiff and lifelessly on the table.
Thor thought he would be broken. He thought he would scream and destroy everything in his line of vision. He felt... nothing. Nothing but the blackness of the void spreading wider and wider in his heart it was eating him from inside out. He couldn't feel anything and this was so much worse than the pain and sorrow and grief he thought he would experience. There was nothing more terrifying than the nothingness and emptiness slowly swallowing his entire existence until he was no different than the dead body of his own brother, whom he swore to protect and failed, lying unmoving in front of him.
There was no Thor without Loki. Thor knew that now. With Loki gone, what even was the God of Thunder without his brother?
He blinked himself out of his trance when Tony's hand landed on his shoulder and squeezed.
"Is it him?" The hospital staff carefully broke the silence.
Thor nod once. Then twice. Just a quick jerk of his head. "Yes," he said, and didn't even know he had spoken it aloud until he heard the sound of his own voice echoing in the cold, lonely chamber. "It's him."
Thor knew there ought to be a 'how did this happen. What happened to him' and dozens of other questions followed (he was only informed his brother's body was found near the sidewalk, beaten up and, to short it up, it wasn't pretty) but why would questions matter now when no matter what the answers would be, Thor knew it wouldn't bring Loki back.
Why would anything ever matter again when Loki was gone. Dead. Thor could've saved him, should've saved him when it was supposed to be his job, but he failed miserably. Whose fault would it be if not Thor's own fault? Loki regained his magic and could heal himself, true, but he was still considered weak and defenseless. And Thor weren't there. Loki was all by himself. And how was Thor supposed to tell Frigga - who was so patiently waiting for her sons to return home. Who else were to blame if not Thor?
"Buddy, do you need a moment -" Tony's voice was rudely cut off when Thor abruptly stomped out the door.
That night, angry storm raged on everywhere. Only few people - such as Tony and Steve - knew why the clear skies full of stars turned mad in the blink of an eye.
Thor stood in the pouring rain with his hands clenched into tight fists on the hospital's rooftop.
Then his instinct sensed something.
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Loki only had three seconds to catch his breath. They were catching up, he could hear the sound of their heavy boots approaching. Looking back with wide eyes, he saw their shadows running closer, yelling, shouting promises they would have the beast's head tonight. The hounds barked louder as they got closer. The heat from the burning torches only warned Loki his time was running out.
He got up, or tried to get up, with one of his hind legs impaled by a sharp arrow. The attempt only resulted in a whimper forced out of his throat as the pain brought him back to the ground where he laid, bleeding out under a tree.
His magic couldn't heal him fast enough. And right now Loki considered transforming back into himself (no, not himself, the mortals knew of Earth invasion. They all knew the face of the culprit) He wasn't physically strong enough to perform another shapeshifting spell and turning himself into other Aesir's face that would safe him from the axe. His true Jotun self was out of option, for the mortals would be even more greedy to learn they captured an alien with blue skin and blood red eyes. All the possibilities eliminated which left Loki no choice but to be stuck in a body of a wolf, hunted down like a pathetic prey running from the lion's teeth.
But then it suddenly rained. Heavy with thunder and lightning and Loki probably figured why. Perhaps Thor found his body. The body with Loki's own face in which Loki deliberately left where he was positive Thor would come across one way or another. Because Loki knew Thor would follow him to Earth to try and take him back to Asgard where they would undoubtedly render him a capital punishment. They couldn't execute him, if they thought he was already dead. So, with the help of his magic, the corpse was the perfect solution.
What wasn't so perfect right now was the fact Loki, in the body of a wolf, was being hunted down by these eager hunters.
He noticed seconds later that the storm - Thor's storm - seemed to serve in his favor after all, for it was slowing down the hunters. Their torches burned out and they were suddenly having a difficult time seeing through the dark. Loki used the last source of the little strength left in his exhausted body to lift himself up on his four legs, then he leaped farther away into the woods.
He was soaked in rain and blood. He was cold and tired and he was hurt all over. He wanted nothing more than to lie down and wait for death to eventually take him, but he didn't come this far from Asgard only to be brought down by mere mortals. Loki gritted his teeth and continued stumbling through sharp thorns and branches assaulting his skin through his fur until he found a cave looming into the view. It wasn't big, but it was enough a shelter for the night, and maybe he could even hide from the hunters there.
Loki staggered inside. He fell to the cold ground almost immediately after reaching his so-called destination.
If you sleep, you might never wake again, whispered the voices in his head. But screw it, really, what was the point in living, anyway? He was all on his own, fighting the never ending battles where everybody wanted him dead. He was so tired of fighting, of falling. Loki hunched in on himself and closed his eyes.
If he was lucky, he would be gone in his sleep, taken out by the cold. If the Norns had no mercy left for him then his death would be a very slow one. Perhaps from all these blood loss. Or infection. Or starvation.
The ground underneath shook. Loki opened his eyes to the blinding lightning striking just right outside the cave where he hid. And oh no no no. No, this was wrong. So wrong. What was he doing here? He wasn't supposed to find Loki. He was supposed to let him go. Loki had made sure his fake death was convincing enough. It took him so much effort just to conjure a body with a face of his own. He didn't understand what he did wrong.
But what he did wrong didn't matter, because Thor was here and Thor was crossing the spaces between them in quick strides. He stopped once he saw Loki, still in a body of a wolf, but Thor recognized his brother nonetheless, for whatever bond had brought Thor here was deeper, stronger than Loki's physical appearance.
Whatever bond - bounded him and Loki - told him Loki was alive. So here Thor was, after following that instinct that had always led him to his little brother.
"Brother," Thor breathed out a huge sign of relief. His instinct wasn't wrong, then. Loki was alive. Injured but alive.
But Loki only greeted back with sharp teeth on full display, fully believed Thor was here to kill him. Right now he was a literal cornered, wounded animal. Which made him more dangerous because he knew he wouldn't think twice before burying his teeth in Thor's throat, if Thor were to take a step closer.
Thor didn't. Apparently he was smart enough not to make any more sudden move. But Thor didn't back away either. He stood there as though awaiting Loki's next move. "Loki," he said, "I know it is you. I'm not going to hurt you. I'm not going to let anyone hurt you again,"
Liar. The word came out in yet another fierce snarl. Thor didn't seem to be intimidated, though. Of course, why would he be intimidated when Loki was weak. Thor could finish him right on the spot and they both knew that.
He took one step closer and Loki reflectively scrambled backward, leaving crimson trail of blood along the ground. Pathetic. Defenseless.
Then, as though it wasn't bad enough, Loki felt something shift inside him. His seidr, so weak they were fading away. Which left Loki with his real form. Not an Aesir. Him growing up in a body of an Aesir was nothing but yet another lie his own body had been lying to itself without even aware of it for so long. Now, on the brink of death, he wasn't strong enough to hold onto even that Aesir shell he was so used to.
Loki felt it; the blueness spreading through him like a disease. No, he thought. Pleading. Terrified. No, not here. Not in front of Thor! But alas, there was nothing Loki could do. Nothing he could do to stop his own treacherous body from revealing its own ugly core.
Thor's eyes widened, too. He learned about Loki's true heritage not long after Loki found out. It had shocked him, then. He had accepted Loki nonetheless, for Loki was his brother. Blood mattered not. Still, to actually witness his own brother, whom he grew up with, turn into a monster parents told their children about at night.
Loki’s body was changing; from a wolf to a Frost Giant. A monster.
No, not monster. Loki is my brother. That will never change.
Loki, on the other hand, looked like he wished he was dead. The shame, the pain, they never felt so clear in his red red eyes it hurt something in Thor's chest to look at.
The Jotuns must learn to fear me, just as they once feared you, Loki remembered as clear as day. Father! We will finish them together! Thor's every word still engraved deep in his soul it got louder with every passing second. Loki looked down at his hands; blue with patterned lines slithered through his ice cold skin. Jotun skin.
Thor would kill him for who he was. Loki knew for a fact his own brother would kill him for the grotesque, monstrous Frost Giant blood running in his veins.
When he looked up at Thor from the ground there was no hatred nor anger left in Loki’s eyes. Something about that screamed wrong. Because this meant Loki had given up. Whatever fight he had left, when he snarled at Thor less than a minute ago, gone. Now Loki looked like he had accepted his fate, whatever that meant.
He looked defeated. Surrendered. Which was wrong.
"Now you see everything," his hoarse voice barely above a whisper. He looked down at the ground as though ashamed, as though he wasn't worth looking at Asgard's golden prince. "Will you finish it now?"
At first Thor didn't understand what Loki meant. But then it hit, his own words to Odin came flooding back in, and Thor wished, with strong passion, he had never said that. The Jotuns must learn to fear me, just as they once feared you. Father! We will finish them together!
"No," Thor shook his head. "No. Never."
When he carefully got on his knees so they were on the same level, Loki flinched as though he expected Thor to bash his skull with Mjolnir. And Thor never remembered his proud, cunning brother looking so small. So fragile.
"Loki," his voice uncharacteristically gentle. Uncharacteristically soft. Thor held out a hand for Loki to take (though Loki, unsurprisingly, did not. If anything he was trembling now. From fear or blood loss? Probably both)
"It's only me," Thor continued, "Please, you're wounded. Let me take you home. Nothing can hurt you anymore,"
He touched Loki then, and silently thanked the Norns Loki didn't protest or try to pull away (he was probably too weak for that) and if the cold of Loki's Jotun skin burnt, Thor couldn't care less. Not when he finally got his little brother back. Thor scooped him up from the ground, carrying his limp body in his strong arms.
"Thor?" Loki looked up at him and he sounded so pitifully young. So pitifully innocent it hurt Thor even more.
"I'm here," Thor assured, planting a soft kiss on Loki's forehead. "Let's go home."
He, still holding Loki tight, raised Mjolnir with one hand. Lightning flashing everything white, then the next second, the only evidence the brothers were here was a huge circle of black ashes on the ground where Thor had stood.
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Loki woke feeling like everything was a very very bad dream. But it was just that; a nightmare he counted as an old friend. He learned moment later, with terrifying realization sending a wave of shivers down his spine, that it wasn't just a dream after all. He was lying in the comfort of his own bed in his chamber on Asgard, but once he got a glimpse of his own hands and arms, they were blue. Ugly Jotun blue with patterned lines running through his body. No. He would've clawed at his skin until it bled, would've deliberately harmed himself if not for his mother's calm voice halting his motion short.
"Your magic will return soon enough. Eir expects you to gain them back along with your strength in less than a week, right now, though, you are still weak, my son. Rest. You will heal faster with proper rest,"
"Mother," Loki blinked. She was there by his bedside. Thor stood behind her, looking a little awkward as though he wasn't sure what he should be doing.
"I'll get you a glass of water," to Loki Thor said, then he excused himself out of the room to get his brother the promised glass of water.
Frigga gently reached out, meant to take his hand, but Loki reflectively shielded both hands away. "No," he said, but with no hostility in his tired voice, "No, it'll burn you." Loki added, looking almost ashamed, but Frigga only smiled softly at him.
"I don't mind," she said and took hold of Loki's hand nonetheless, squeezing them gently in her Aesir skin, and Loki didn't have the heart to pull away. "I was so worried when your brother brought you back. You were unconscious and," she gulped, "You weren't in a good shape, Loki. Eir and the other healers barely managed to safe your life, but miraculously, they did. It was a close call, indeed, but you will survive and you will be fine in no time. Do not scare me like that again," Frigga was stroking his hair with her other hand. It was almost as if she hadn't noticed his blueness. His ugly blueness.
"You don't... you don't want me dead?" Loki asked eventually, and that seemed to offend her a great deal, for her motion came to a stop.
"Loki," she said in a scolding tone, though she took a deep breath shortly after as though she didn't wish to lose her temper with her son when he was hurt. "No, don't say that. I've loved you wholeheartedly the day your father first took you into our lives. I love you unconditionally now. Blood matters not. You are my son and I love you, and I don't want to hear any more of this nonsense,"
"But what about my punishment?"
"Your father and I talked. We both agreed that you've learned your lesson. If it were our calls, then we would love to let it go, but the Council thought you should at least earn something in order to gain people's forgiveness,"
Loki ought to say 'I don't want their forgiveness' but the truth was he was too tired to make this any harder. For himself and for her. So he kept his mouth shut and listened as she now continued running her fingers gently through his hair. "Once you're fully healed, you will work with Eir for a full month where you can help a lot of people. It actually isn't so boring at all. And I'm sure you will also learn so many new things from her. You do know you are her favorite, right?" Frigga smiled at him before leaning down to kiss the top of his head.
"I don't deserve this," Loki said after a moment's silence. "I don't deserve your love or your kindness. I'm a monster -"
"Oh, Loki," Frigga cut him off. She got on his bed and placed his head on her lap, in which he unconsciously curled up into a ball, something that happened so often when he was a little boy. "I wish you could see the way I see, for I see no monster you so claim to be but only a misunderstood little boy who is lost and confused. But I promise you I will not stop until I find the way to help free you of these voices that have been so cruel to you,"
Loki was sobbing on her lap now. And he didn't even know when he started or how to stop it. He just weeped on her lap like a child.
Frigga rocked him back and forth, humming softly to him the old lullaby he had always liked since he was little.
"It's okay," she said. "I've got you now, my poor little boy. I've got you now. You are home,"
He was, indeed, home.