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Tears burned down Mike’s cheeks and melted the snow as he walked. He didn’t understand, he couldn’t put the facts together. One second Misha was his entire world then suddenly – and heart wrenchingly painfully – they were no longer together. Mike felt like his entire world was collapsing and there was no way he could handle going home to an empty house.
The first idea was of course Jensen. His friend would be there to listen to everything and maybe offer advice. Only when he got in front of the boy’s house he could see two shadows illuminated in the window. They were clearly Jared and Jensen; Mike couldn’t bring himself to interrupt. That narrowed Mike’s options down to one.
Turning slowly he stared at the Murray house and wondered if it would be too weird to go there. Mike thought about his empty house, his empty room, his bed that seemed to always smell like Misha as if the boy’s scent was haunting him. No, he couldn’t go home to that. It would simply hurt far too much.
When Chad opened his door he looked more than a little shocked. Even if their friendship was slowly rebuilding and they’d always at least been talking terms, Mike had never come over to Chad’s and Chad had never been to Mike’s. So of course there was no way he could have expected to find Mike there at nine o’clock at night in the middle of the school week.
“Uh hey, Mike.” Chad frowned slightly, glancing over his shoulder then looking back. “What’s going on?”
“I know it’s kinda late but can I come in?” Mike slid a hand up through his hair and stared down at the ground.
“Uh…” Once more Chad looked behind him back into the house and Mike was a little worried he’d pushed the limits on their so very fragile and new friendship. “Sure?”
Mike sighed in relief and followed Chad inside. He fully expected the awkward shuffling to continue around each other in the front hallway but Chad snagged his sleeve and dragged him up the stairs and down the hallway without a word.
Chad’s room was really nothing like Mike might have pictured. It was clean and organized, everything seemingly put in place and tidy. There was a small stack of brightly colored wrapped Christmas presents in the corner otherwise the floor was spotless. Even the bed was made and Mike had to wonder if Chad did that or if his mom did because Chad just didn’t seem like the make the bed type.
“What’s up?” Chad finally asked, dropping back on his bed and giving Mike a clear look of confusion. Logically, him being there was quite possibly the most random thing ever. Until the next thing he supposed.
For whatever the reason that one question alone triggered the fall of the proverbial dam inside Mike. Before Chad could stop him Mike crossed to the bed and dropped down beside him, nearly throwing himself in Chad’s arms because of the intensity of his tears. Chad’s body was stiff for a few moments then arms tentatively wrapped around Mike, squeezing softly.
“Mike? What is it?” Chad asked quietly, in a tone much softer than Mike had ever heard come from the usually crass boy.
Getting the words out turned out to be the most painful thing. Because it was admitting a truth, facing a fault he wasn’t prepared for. Still he had to explain why he was crying there in Chad’s arms so… “Misha broke up with me.”
“What?” Chad pulled back a little, eyes widening. “But- why? Why would he do that?”
“Matt Cohen came over to study with him and I was babysitting then all of a sudden matt was gone and I wasn’t enough.” Mike was pretty sure he didn’t inhale once during the explanation and Chad was likely giving him that look because he’d just said babysitting like that made sense.
“What?” Chad repeated slowly and shook his head, arms still half draped around Mike’s body.
And well, Chad was still asking and Mike needed to get it off his chest so he did. He told Chad absolutely everything, likely more than he wanted to know. Well, almost everything. He still loved Misha and Calliope and he couldn’t betray that. Without telling that part of the story it sort of left a lot of big holes but Chad didn’t seem to care, he listened and nodded and didn’t try and press the issue.
When Mike finished talking he was crying again and somehow half his body was draped over Chad. The blond had apparently adjusted to the touch because he didn’t even feel tense now, and his hand ran almost soothingly along Mike’s back.
“Sorry I came here,” Mike mumbled, pushing up and wiping at his nose.
Instead of answering Chad climbed off the bed and locked his bedroom door. When he turned back to Mike it was with the type of smile Mike had never seen him wear before, surprisingly soft and sweet. “Why don’t you stay here tonight? It’s still snowing any way and my dad’s passed out.”
“Yeah?” Mike thought staying with Chad was a far better alternative to being alone. “Your dad’s passed out?”
Sighing softly Chad dropped back on the bed and shrugged. “It’s complicated.”
“Aren’t most things?” Mike smiled softly and took Chad’s hand. It seemed to surprise him but he smiled just barely. “I thought Misha was my one.”
“Your one what?”
“Like, my soul mate?” Mike sighed and looked away. “I don’t know what I did.”
“Want me to kick his ass?” Chad smiled softly, fingers curling over Mike’s.
This time Mike managed a small laugh and shook his head. “Nah. A kicked ass and a broken heart get no one nowhere fast.”
Chad hesitated a beat then pulled Mike in for another hug. “Gonna be okay?”
“Maybe.” Mike whispered. In truth? He wasn’t sure he would be.
Something had changed in the morning. Mike thought maybe it had to do with sleeping in the same bed as Chad Michael Murray. As much as he felt like he’d dreamed the last twenty four hours, he was pretty sure he’d never be the same again. Of course, Mike had woken up many mornings and even quite a few in the arms of someone else but he never would have pictured waking up practically in Chad’s arms because they’d moved together in the middle of the night.
Surprisingly, it wasn’t as awkward as people might have thought. They got up and Chad had let him borrow a clean long sleeved shirt and a fresh pair of socks. Chad brought them up some pop tarts and a huge thermos of coffee. Mike didn’t ask why they didn’t go downstairs. He supposed it was for the same reason Chad got dressed in the bathroom.
In all truths, the most uncomfortable moment came as they left the house. They always timed it to walk together so naturally Jared and Jensen were already outside. The identical way their eyes widened when Mike followed Chad out of his house was kind of entertaining. Until Mike saw the equally shocked look on Misha’s face and well, he couldn’t really be expected to process much more.
It was almost painful to see Misha and Chad grabbed Mike’s arm to tug him along in his own attempt to be helpful. It oddly enough was.
“Do you want me to talk to him?” Chad asked quietly as they started down the street.
“I- I’m not sure. Should you? Do you think he’ll tell you why Matt…” It hurt too much to say more and Mike had never had to do this before. He’d never been the one trying to deal with life post break up. “It feels like it didn’t really happen.”
“But it did.” Chad bumped their shoulders together and smiled sympathetically at Mike. “You wanna avoid him? Because I can help in that department somehow.”
“For right now? Yes.” Mike nodded and glanced back over his shoulder. Jensen and Jared still looked out of this world confused. Beyond them was Misha, red eyed and crest fallen. Mike told himself feeling guilty was ridiculous.
“Avoiding him doesn’t include mopey looks back at him.” Chad pointed out and hooked an arm around Mike’s shoulder, dragging him forward.
“How am I supposed to just get over it? I’m in love with him. Do you know it’s like to feel that way?” Mike sighed and, no matter how odd it might have been before, leaned into Chad’s warmth. Beneath their feet snow soaked their shoes and Mike had never hated winter so much.
“I know what it’s like,” Chad admitted quietly and laughed when Mike looked sharply over at him. “Don’t play dumb. I know you know about the Kane thing.”
“Yeah but, I mean, you’re not in love with him.” Mike wet his lips and laughed, relieved at the slight rush of relief the action presented him. At least he felt momentarily human and less like a broken egg shell drained of its yolk. “Holy shit Murray. In love with the English teacher? How very scandalous of you.”
“Shut up.” Chad grumbled and squeezed Mike once more before dropping it. “I get it though okay? So I’ll try and help.”
“Because you’re usually so nice.” Mike teased and he had to admit it made him feel better to have Chad talk to him.
“Fuck you Rosey, I’m the nicest guy around.” Chad laughed and slung his arm around Mike once more, leading him almost joyfully through the snow.
There was no way to prepare Chad for the oddity of his sudden intense friendship with Mike. They’d always gotten along sure but he’d never anticipated the boy coming to him after something like a break up. Weirdly enough, Chad felt a certain flare of pride and himself to how Mike was suddenly relying on him for comfort.
Naturally though, everyone else was quite certain it was a sign of insanity on Mike’s part.
“What’s going on?” Jared hardly waited a moment to corner Chad after Mike had headed off for his first class.
“Morning Jared, great day yeah? Oh I’m feeling fine, things are awesome.” Chad rolled his eyes and worked to make his voice sound as dry and unamused as he could.
“Chad,” Jared practically whined and kicked at Chad’s shoes. “Mike came out of your house, you two were nearly snuggling on the way here and he wasn’t acknowledging Misha, what the hell?”
Sighing softly, Chad shook his head and slowly shut his locker. “Mike showed up at my place last night and said he and Misha broke up. So I let him crash in my room.”
“They… but why would they broke up? I thought they were okay.” Jared frowned, dragging a hand up through his hair in a nervous twitch.
“They broke up?” Jensen joined them, eyes widening. “Seriously?”
“Do you two work for Star or something?” Chad rolled his eyes once more, nowhere near amused when Jared and Jensen just shared a confused look. “Something about Matt Cohen showing up last night and throwing everything off. Then suddenly they just broke up.”
“Matt Cohen?” Jared repeated, pursing his lips in confusion.
“I’ll kick his ass.” Jensen nearly growled and truthfully Chad was a little scared by the threat. Not that he’d admit to it.
“Jensen don’t-“ Chad wasn’t able to get out more though because Jensen was already turning and stalking down the hallway. Chad hurried to follow him, Jared one step behind.
Matt Cohen was nowhere close to ready for Jensen pinning him to the locker. His green eyes flashed between surprise and fear as he flattened out against the metal surface. “Uh, what’s up guys?”
Jensen sneered slightly and shook his head. “What the fuck did you do Cohen?”
The way Jensen’s hands curled into fists at his sides made him even more terrifying and Chad did not envy Cohen at the moment. “Uh, what’s up Jensen?”
“Seriously?” Jensen growled and shook his head. “Misha and Mike breaking up, you had nothing to do with that?”
“What? No. No, it’s not like that.” Matt shook his head quickly, glancing almost pleadingly at Chad and Jared behind Jensen. “I’m not interested in Misha. I know he said… I mean, I didn’t think he’d do it so soon or anything. We were just talking about his worries about Mike and Calliope and all that responsibility. He didn’t want to force that on mike, I’m sure you understand.”
Except Chad didn’t understand because he had no idea who Calliope was. Judging from the looks on Jared and Jensen’s faces, they were just as clueless. Matt seemed to realize their lack of knowledge on the subject pretty quickly and he flushed, teeth digging into his lower lip.
“Tom!” He called out almost as a praise and jumped away from Jensen, sliding along the locker and snatching the tall brunette walking by. “Oh good Tom, you needed my help on that uh, math thing right?”
Chad watched the usually silent boy blink owlishly at them. “I did?” At Matt’s emphatic nod and clearly tight arm squeeze, Tom bobbed his head slowly up and down. “Yeah. I uh, needed math help.”
“I knew it. I’ll see you boys later.” Matt tugged the still rather bewildered Tom off, leaving only confusion in his wake.
“Who’s Calliope?” Jensen finally asked. The bell ringing kept any of them from getting an answer.
All day Mike had been avoiding Misha and it was making his head hurt. Well, that and the fact that he was attempting to study when all he wanted to do was curl up in a ball and cry himself to sleep.
So things weren’t really made much better when Chad cornered him at lunch. “Who’s Calliope?”
Despite being hurt, heartbroken and close to tears with each breath, Mike didn’t want to tell Misha’s secret. He supposed it was maybe for the same reason he still wanted to give Calliope her V-tech toy and Misha the silver bracelet he’d gotten him. Love maybe?
“A muse?” Mike ventured and found himself heading to their table out of habit. He wondered if Misha would be brave enough to sit there. Just like he wondered if he’d really been avoiding Misha or if the boy simply wasn’t trying to find him.
“Dude, you can tell me.” Chad said quietly, sliding in beside Mike at the table.
Mike didn’t have a lunch, obviously, so he was making do with a carton of chocolate milk and a roll. Any other day and Misha would have shared his brownies, it made Mike’s heart pinch just to think about it.
“I can’t really.” Mike whispered and rubbed the heels of his hands against his eyes.
A hand settled on his back and Mike nearly jumped but it was followed quickly by Jared’s voice. “I’m so sorry Mike. And I’m really confused.”
“You’re telling me.” Mike laughed humorlessly and dropped his hands away. He couldn’t see Jared and Jensen for awhile, just black and red spots blurring his vision. “My chest hurts.”
“Matt said it had something to do with responsibility and Calliope. I don’t get it.” Jensen stretched across the table to take Mike’s hand and squeezed.
These words made sense to Mike on a level his friends couldn’t get. For the first time since the night before Mike considered the possibility that Matt hadn’t been the driving force for his and Misha’s break up. “Responsibility?” He repeated slowly, rolling the word on his tongue like it tasted bad.
“Who’s Calliope?” Jared unknowingly repeated Chad’s earlier question, frown forming small lines on his face.
“She’s my daughter.”
Misha was obviously king of the good timing. He stood in front of their table clutching the straps of his backpack and Mike could feel the cold settle over them. As much as it hurt seeing Misha there, Mike couldn’t help hating that all his friends being on his side meant Misha was alone.
At the moment though, his friends were clearly caught up on Misha’s declaration. Chad blinked slowly and opened his mouth for a classic Chad one liner. “But you’re gay.”
The faintest smile twitched on Misha’s lips and Mike only noticed because he couldn’t stop staring. “Technically I’m bi. I slept with a girl and she had Calliope. I didn’t want a lot of people to know because it’s easier.”
“So you broke up with Mike because you didn’t think he was responsible enough?” Jensen was clenching his jaw and Mike felt oddly comforted that Jensen cared so much but he didn’t envy Misha having to be on the receiving end of that.
“No.” Misha whispered and sighed, slowly sinking down on the bench across from Mike and Chad. He met Mike’s gaze and Mike wasn’t really prepared for the tears already clouding his blue eyes. “Mike you didn’t let me explain last night.”
“You didn’t come after me.” Mike pointed out defensively and he felt Chad shift a little closer.
“I know.” Misha nodded and wiped at thumb under his eye, gathering slick tears and rubbing the wetness between his fingers. “It all happened so fast and I didn’t know what to do.”
“You let me think something had happened with you and Matt.” Mike pointed out and really he wanted answers before he could even begin to feel any sort of hope.
“I’m really shit at this.” Misha mumbled and shook his head. “God Mike, you know the story with Calli’s mom. I’ve never done the relationship thing and last night you were doing this protective parent thing and all I could think about was how much you’d changed since I introduced you to Calli. I’ve made you age by years and that’s not fair. So Matt and I were talking about it but he really didn’t do anything at all.”
Mike was blinking tears from his eyes and he kind of forgot Chad and the J’s were there until he felt Chad’s hand squeeze his forearm. Coughing quietly to clear his throat, Mike looked down and laid his hand over Chad’s slowly. “So what does this mean? Did you come to tell me this to get back together?”
It was possibly pathetic that Mike was really hoping Misha wanted him just as much. Which was likely why it hurt so very badly when Misha shook his head.
“I think you need to take a step back. Or I do. Mike, I don’t want you to hate me for this one day. You didn’t get a girl pregnant; you don’t have to live with the repercussions. You don’t have to be a dad at seventeen.”
A burst of anger flared sharp and burning through Mike and his shoulders stiffened, eyes narrowing. He felt the ripple change along the rest of the group as well and his breath caught in his throat. “That’s bullshit Misha. I may not have knocked up a girl but that doesn’t mean I’m not capable of feeling love and affection for that little baby. If I didn’t want to be involved in her life than I never would have asked to meet her. You don’t get to decide if you’re giving me too much fucking responsibility just because I put her to bed by myself one night.”
Mike pushed up to his feet and pointed at Misha, dropping his voice to something close to a hiss. “Just because you have fucking commitment issues and got a little scared doesn’t mean you get to blame me. Look me up when you’ve gained a little responsibility yourself.”
With that Mike turned and left. He couldn’t feel past the clenching in his heart and his eyes were burning with tears. He felt almost sick from the words he’d just said to the only person he’d ever really loved.
A strong hand gripped his arm and Mike let him – whoever it was – pull him down the hall.
“Hey, can we hide in here for a minute?” Chad smiled at Kane as the door closed behind him and Mike. Before the teacher could even answer Mike let out a pained sob and nearly collapsed in Chad’s arms.
“Is he alright?” Kane was across the room in a flash, staring at Chad and Mike with obvious concern.
Chad mouthed the words break up and Kane’s face colored with sympathy. Because of the time he and Kane spent together with the play work, the teacher knew all about the epic romances of Chad’s friends. He actually probably knew more than he wanted to but really his Christian was nothing if not a good listener.
For awhile Mike mumbled words against Chad’s rapidly dampening shoulder. They were unintelligible but Chad could get the gist. He wanted to give Mike a high five for sticking up for himself like that but he couldn’t fathom the level of pain Mike was feeling.
“Mike? Do you want me to get you excused for the rest of the day?” Kane asked quietly. His hand came out and settled on the small of Chad’s back and it was really a bad time to feel the heat and desire of touch.
“Y-yeah.” Mike sniffed loudly and stepped back, blinking at Kane like he hadn’t noticed him before. “I’m gonna go get my bag.”
Chad watched Mike turn and leave the room in a daze before turning to Kane. “I should really walk him home. He’s a wreck.”
“I noticed.” Kane dragged a hand through his hair and sighed. “I’ll get you excused too.”
“Thanks.” Chad smiled softly at his teacher and reached out to touch his chest. “I’ll call you later?”
“Please do.” Kane nodded and grabbed Chad’s hand before he could turn away. “You okay?”
“If I had a nickel for every time you ask me that I’d be a wealthier man than Tom Cruise by now.” Chad laughed, pushing the limits by stepping a little closer.
“Well, you’re already much hotter than him.” Kane murmured and brought Chad closer, dipping in to softly kiss him. “I’ll talk to you later.”
“Later.” Chad agreed with a whisper and pushed harder into the kiss for just a moment before stepping away and smiling softly. It would be easier to help Mike now that he had a little Kane to keep him going.