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A gust of wind blows around Callum, feeling like a million tiny needles in his skin all at once. He doesn’t seem to mind though. He doesn’t even seem to notice it, not really. He’s in a mind of his own, watching as the world continues to turn. It’s still the same old Square, the one he calls home. There’s still people working, or just out and about on the market. Cars still drive by and there’s a crackle of the gravel on the floor as they pass him. The leaves still blow and flicker in the wind, some on the floor at his feet practically dancing around him. It’s as though nothing has changed, as though his heart isn’t beating out of his chest or this empty, sick feeling in his stomach doesn’t exist. His entire body shakes, and whether it’s the bitter cold or his anxiety, he’ll probably never fully work it out. He looks sad, lost even, without a care in the world.
Footsteps tap next to him, a clicking of heels on the floor and then they come into view, a pair of black boots and he knows exactly who they belong to before she even speaks. “You alright?” A voice calls out, a familiar, sweet sounding voice.
Whitney.
Callum looks up at her and smiles softly. “Yeah.” He breathes out, but they both know that’s a lie.
It’s scary, Whitney thinks, how good Callum is at hiding sadness. She never saw it in him at the time, but hindsight is a wonderful thing.
Whitney sits down next to Callum. The wood of the bench is cold beneath her. She nudges Callum’s knee. “What’s up?” She asks. “And don’t tell me nothing because I’d like to think I know you better than that.”
There’s a silence that falls between them, a stifling silence, and then Callum sighs as he looks at his hands as though they’re about to fall off. It’s ironic, looking at his left hand where his fourth finger meets his knuckle. “Ben proposed.” He finally admits, the words hot as they leave his mouth.
Whitney looks around at Callum in shock. She definitely didn’t expect to hear that. “And you’re sitting out here looking all sad for what?” She asks, her words slightly teasing.
A bitter chuckle falls from Callum’s mouth. Sad and bitter with just a hint of anger. “I said no.” “I said no.” He shakes his head and closes his eyes tightly for a moment, squeezing his tears in. “He doesn’t want it. Not really anyway.”
“But, but he asked?” Whitney presses, but it’s more through confusion. Ben’s not the type to do something romantic if he didn’t mean it - even she knows that.
Callum just shrugs, turning his body so he looks at Whitney and not at his now freezing hands. “He just wants to make his life easier.” Callum tries to explain, but if the look of confusion on Whitney’s face means anything, he knows he has to continue, so he does exactly that. “This morning, he asked me to pick Lex up from school. Her teacher had rang him up and said that she was ill, but Ben and Lola were working, so he asked me to go instead. Only when I got there, they said I couldn’t. Because I ain’t her family.”
“Oh.” Whitney breathes out as though the pieces of the puzzle are connecting in her mind. She sits back, watching Callum.
He huffs out a sad laugh. “Yeah.” Callum pauses for a moment, and his hand flies up to his face for a moment, and Whitney just knows he’s wiping away a tear. “It was a horrible feeling, you know? Lex was standing right there and they tell me we ain’t family. It was like someone had just punched me in the stomach.”
Whitney places a hand on his back, right at the top of his spine and moves in a circle, trying to calm him down. “But doesn’t this all mean that Ben sees you as family?” She asks. “Callum, you both love each other, I can see that now. If I’m completely honest, I could see it back then as well, once you told me. You make each other happy, and if Ben sees you as his family, then maybe that’s a good thing. Maybe it’s what you both need.”
Callum turns to face Whitney, a soft smile on his face. He’s forcing it, they both know that. “I love him, Whit.” Callum admits. His words are warm and kind and even with their past, hearing this makes Whitney happy, because Callum deserves proper love. “I know it’s probably not what you want to hear, but I’ve never felt this way before. Not really.” He pauses for a moment, his breath shaky. “I can see myself in that family Whit - I can see myself finally having my own little family.”
There’s silence for a beat or two as Whitney takes in Callum’s words. She can feel his heart racing even from her hand on his back. “And that scares you?” She asks. “Having a family of your own?”
“Terrifies me.” Callum admits without even a second to think. He knows it shouldn’t be scary, but it is. His real family is dysfunctional. He doesn’t see his parents at all, and there was a period of time where he didn’t even see his brother. The only family he’s ever really known is the Carter’s, and he missed out on so much of their lives too.
Whitney lets out a chuckle, and honestly, Callum’s grateful for it. He knows he’s being ridiculous. “So you said no to him?” She asks through her laugh.
Callum sucks in some breath. “Yup.” He says.
“So ask him.” Whitney concedes, as though it’s that easy. Maybe it is. “Ain’t like you haven’t proposed before.”
Callum raises an eyebrow and looks at Whitney. “Are we at the stage of joking about that now?” He asks.
Whitney shrugs. “Probably.” She says. “I’m being serious Callum, why don’t you just propose?”
“I’ve never really thought about it before.” He admits. It’s true, he’s never thought about it before, but now it’s the only thing he can think about. If Ben’s serious, Callum wants this too. “I suppose I could.”
That doesn’t sound definitive.
A sigh comes out of Whitney. “Do you want to spend the rest of your life with Ben: yes or no?” She asks.
Callum smiles softly as he looks up at the sky, watching as the white clouds intertwine with the grey ones, filling the sky and hiding the blue. They move in time together, slowly but assuredly. It’s calming, peaceful even. He takes this moment to picture it all. He can see it clearly, his entire future with Ben. Having a little family, him and Ben and Lexi - and whoever or whatever else comes along. He sees their wedding day, and can feel just how happy they both will be. He wants an entire lifetime with Ben, he’s always wanted that, he can see that now. “Yeah.” He breathes out. “I do.”
There’s something ironic about his words. I do.
Whitney smiles. “There’s your answer then.” She says. “And don’t forget to actually propose with a proper ring this time.”