Work Text:
Jongseong's phone rang. The melody to BTS' Blood, Sweat & Tears caught his attention from the big screen.
He'd been made fun of by his fellow groupmates and some close friends for keeping that old-ass-ringtone — as they would tease — since junior high school. But his mulish opinion that it was one of the best songs to have ever been released didn't waver; and it wouldn't for at least a few years time.
He supposed he should sympathize with them, for having to listen to this all-too-familiar tune whenever someone rang him up — which was quite a lot of times, as he'd just debuted and no one wanted to miss out on a chance to congratulate a rising star. But it was short lived, because the song entered its first verse and he was, once again, reminded of the masterpiece that it was.
He mindlessly hummed to a few notes before accepting the call, not minding to check who it was. He could always make out from their voices. He made a quick tap to switch it to speaker. Movements smooth like muscle memory.
"Hyung, when are you coming home?"
The voice was a bit muffled by the static on the line, but it was easy to recognize that it was Jungwon. It was always easy.
"It's late." Jungwon continued before he got a chance to respond.
His eyes flicked to one corner of the monitor, checking the time. Three o'clock in the morning, sharp. His eyebrows arched at the blinking numbers. He wouldn't say he was surprised, because he wasn't. Just a bit surreal how fast time travelled when you were focused on something.
His group as a whole had been given two personal studios the moment they'd been formed, all free to use. The company wanted them to start experimenting making music, to begin writing lyrics and composing melodies and develop skills that would benefit their careers in the long run. The members, of course, gladly took the chance.
It was exciting, to say the least. Being surrounded with cutting-edge equipment and listening to their products — even if it was a mere few seconds of melodies — made him feel entitled, professional, addicted. Now that their debut promotions had ended, and he'd received a piano crash course from one of the producers in the company; he hogged one of the two studios all to himself and spent most of his time there.
The other members didn't mind anyway. For Heeseung still had the other studio if he wanted to make music, and the others would prefer hanging out and spend their time relaxing to rotting in a twenty-feet-square studio making beats.
Composing music was the plan, spending almost a day straight doing said plan was another matter wholly. He lifted a hand to massage his temples, back leaning against the rolling chair.
"Yeah. I think I'm gonna stay here tonight, Jungwon-ah," he replied lazily. "You can lock the dorm. I probably won't be home until at least noon tomorrow."
The other end made a quiet understanding sound. "Have you eaten?" Jungwon asked instead.
Jongseong eyed to his right. At a corner of his desk sat a small, empty, pistachio-flavored ice cream tub, which he'd had after lunch (instant ramyeon) since roughly twelve hours ago. He wanted to applaud himself for functioning so effectively on such low energy resources, but his stomach grumbled immediately and it would've been ironic.
"Well, yeah— I mean I had-" He scrambled to find some kind of food name that he could blurt out and assure Jungwon that yes, he had eaten, but failed. He didn't try too hard though, because lying had never been his strongest suit and if there was anyone who could tear his pretense apart, it would be Jungwon.
The leader made another humming sound of knowing, and he knew it was time he'd stopped bullshiting. "You haven't had dinner." It was more a statement than a question.
Jongseong didn't answer. He didn't have to.
"Do you want tteokbokki?" Jungwon continued to ask. And Jongseong didn't know what he was expecting, but it was definitely not that.
"You don't have to come over," he said, an unrelated response. "It's late. I'm sure I can still find something edible in the company's fridge."
“Leftovers aren't good for your health." Jungwon said, and he imagined the little boy shaking his head. "I'm kinda hungry anyway. Hold the door for me." His voice pitched a bit higher playfully.
Jongseong couldn't help but think that Jungwon still managed to keep his endearing impish side, even after being entrusted to the leader position — to which the older members of the groups were usually assigned. An unconscious smile adorned his lips, with pride and too much fondness.
He hummed in response before ending the call, shifting his focus back to the music draft and attempted to get some more done before Jungwon came and distracted him from doing any work at all.
&&&
Jongseong was in the middle of testing out a melody when there was a knock on the door. He stood up from his seat and trudged to let the guest in, paying no mind to pausing the music that was blasting from the four-dimensional speakers.
Arrived Jungwon, dressed in a puffy coat and one of his favorite beanies, one hand toting a small bag that seemed to carry their dinner. He bopped his head to every beat and pursed his lips. "Sounds good," before starting to do some skillful popping moves.
"You always say that." Jongseong said with a sigh, walking back to his work station to stop the music.
“But it's true." Jungwon shrugged. "I never lie." He set the bag down on the coffee table in the middle of the studio, making a small thud, before zipping off the puffy coat.
Jongseong just hummed. "It's just a draft. I want to contribute something to our next album." He said, plopping down to his seat again. Making a few mouse clicks, fixing some details.
"I'm sure that's not until, like, a few more months." The younger said. "You have plenty of time."
"Some songs take a few months to produce, you know."
"Right, forgot you're a smart-ass," Jungwon stretched his voice in an attempt to annoy the older. "You might know a lot of things, but the one thing I know—" There were a few ruffling sounds from the plastic bag. "—is that you're gonna starve to death if you don't eat."
It took a few clacking noises of plastic lids being separated from the containers before the whole room was filled with the smell of food. The distinct tteokbokki sauce smell and kimchi stew made Jongseong's stomach grumble, this time louder than before.
"Don't say that. That's bad luck." He refuted, but made no effort to fight back the hunger. He quickly made some final touches before putting the monitor to sleep mode and stood up from his seat.
"I never lie." Jungwon repeated plainly, popping a piece of tteokbokki in his mouth.
He was kneeling on the floor, the oversized jumper swallowing his frame. Sweater paws moving quickly across the table, setting out the food containers. Through the steam, Jungwon looked even smaller than he originally was, his cheeks flushed with heat and his fringe a bit damp. Jongseong figured it was probably snowing outside. The tad bit of guilt and gratitude made him feel a little uneasy.
It was nothing. It was his personality. To feel that he was troubling others whenever he received any form of help or care. So the fact that Jungwon had traveled through this freezing weather at way too late at night, just to make sure he was eating properly; it bothered him more than he'd thought. —
"Sorry." He said, settling himself on the floor.
Jungwon raised a brow, looking up. "For what?"
"For making you go all the way here so late. You could've been sleeping."
"I don't mind sleeping late." Jungwon just shrugged. "We don't have any schedule tomorrow. And plus, it's what I do anyway." He said, turning around and back after fishing out their chopsticks.
Jongseong just watched him carefully, taking every movement into his tired eyes.
"I'm the leader now, you know?" Jungwon added with a wide smile, dimples deep, holding out a pair of chopsticks. And it stunned Jongseong for a second.
— But it was also something. It was Jungwon. Jungwon, whom he cared for, and who cared for him just as much. Jungwon, who'd looked after him ever since the trainee days, who'd made sure he hadn't over-practiced and always reminded him to get enough rest. Jungwon, who was now the leader of their group, which meant the care was no longer exclusive. It was a responsibility for the boy to take care of everyone equally, like a respected leader.
The absurd jealousy made him want to refuse, to turn down any help he was offered. If Jungwon's affection for him was a compelled responsibility, then he didn't need it. If Jungwon only called to check on him and brought him food at three a.m. just like he would do to the other members, because 'it's what he does anyway', then it was best he never received the care at all. Ridiculous as it sounded, it was true.
It was also true that Jongseong could never say no to Jungwon. Never had, never will. It was something they called a 'soft spot', so much like unconditional assent. Hence, no matter his feelings, rejecting Jungwon was an impossible task.
So he accepted the chopsticks, before replying with a smile, one not quite reaching his eyes.
"I know. Let's eat." Maybe he was just tired.
They dug into the food and immediately finished it in a blink of an eye. Jungwon brought quite a lot. There were a double serving of tteokbokki, a container of fishcakes and dumplings mixed together, and a medium bowl of kimchi stew which Jungwon ate nearly all of it. The hot soup helped him retain his lost body heat from the snow outside.
But the rest was mostly Jongseong. Hell. He was hungry, starving, ravenous. And worse, he didn't even know he was hungry. He started to think he might've passed out right then and there if Jungwon hadn't showed up on time, leaving him to spend another sleepless night in this tiny studio, deprived of food.
He plopped the last bite of fishcake in his mouth before collapsing to the floor with a satisfied grunt. His eyelids were heavy. The sleep deprivation now kicking in.
"Are you coming back to the dorm?" He managed to ask, placing a forearm across his eyes.
"Ooh. Are you suggesting that I have a choice to stay?" Jungwon asked back, grinning.
Jongseong could hear the playfulness in his tone. "Are you saying you want to stay?" He didn't back down.
"That depends. Do you want me to stay?"
It was playful banter. One of those that'd happened way too many times before. Jungwon knew he could stay. And Jongseong knew Jungwon wanted to stay. The questions were dumb and unneeded, but it was easy to toy with the definite, to joke about what they know.
Of course, Jongseong could choose to reply with another cheeky question and keep the raillery going like he'd always had. Because it was easy. And it was safe. But he was a naturally curious person who had been raised by entrepreneurs — entrepreneurs who took risks. So maybe it was in his blood, the wish to wander into the place they both didn't know.
Maybe, just for a split second, he wanted to see this as more than merely playful banter.
"I always want you to stay."
He said quietly. Like a whisper. Into the darkness that were his closed eyes. It was more than just a response to a cheeky question. It was more than what he intended to say.
He heard Jungwon hum a few seconds after. "Okay, I'll stay." And wondered if it had meant something more, too.
He didn't say anything after that, nor did he remove the forearm resting on his face. So the sounds of plastic bags and tupperware rustling, followed by the studio door clicking shut, told him that Jungwon had cleaned up and probably went to the bathroom to wash up.
He stood up from where he was lying to look for some pillows and blankets from the small closet nearby. The sudden removal of pressure had his eyes struggling to dilate for a few seconds. He picked out a fleecy pillow and a wool blanket — those of his favorite whenever he stayed the night — and placed them on the long, soft-leather couch Jungwon would be sleeping on.
It was just like he was preparing for himself, familiar and easy. Though this time he paid more care to dusting off the pillows and made sure the couch was soft enough (by jumping on it a few times).
He quickly flattened the blanket along the length of the couch before returning to his seat, turning on the monitor, and entered a bunch of codes, resuming his work. The studio door clicked open shortly after.
"You can sleep on that couch." He said, eyes still trained on the monitor and fingers typing quickly.
There was silence for a moment, almost long enough for him to pause work and spin the chair around. Until Jungwon spoke up. "How about you? Where are you gonna sleep?"
"I, uh- I'll put a blanket on the floor or something." He shrugged to himself.
"It's cold."
"I can manage."
Jungwon let out an audible tsk, and it made him spun the chair around, mildly offended and ready to shoot back. But Jungwon had a soft smile on his face, and it was adorable. As well as contagious.
"You can sleep with me."
"Nah," Jongseong shook his head. "The couch won't fit."
"We've never tried." A grin on his lips.
"Even if it fits. It wouldn't be comfortable." Jongseong pointed out. "I know you don't like sleeping with someone else."
"What, because I shooed Niki away when he asked to sleep with me that time?"
Jongseong arched a brow. Why else?
"You told Niki you would kick him down the bed. I wouldn’t want that to happen to me."
Jungwon rolled his eyes, like he just said something stupid. "C'mon. Let's sleep." He called, neglecting the argument and collapsed on the couch, curling himself into the fluffy blanket.
Jongseong just watched him, like he always did. His eyes never really left Jungwon, both literally and figuratively.
To be fair, Jungwon was exceptionally eye-catching, especially on stage. Everyone loved looking at him and everyone loved him. But sometimes Jongseong thought of Jungwon when they first met, with puffy cheeks and swollen eyes, dressed in regular clothes and always clumsy. And Jungwon had been beautiful.
He felt like cooing at the sight front his eyes, at Jungwon — years later — being wrapped around with a fur blanket and hair all ruffled against the contact, eyes slightly shut. And Jongseong smiled. Jungwon never changed. Jungwon was still beautiful.
The boy blinked up at the silent response. And the sudden eye contact snapped him out of his short-lived mind bubble, though he savored one last thought. Jungwon's eyes were more beautiful than most — eyes like dewdrops, like water, sparkly and pretty and reflecting.
"Hyung, sleep with me?" The younger tapped on the remaining space of the couch invitingly.
Well shit. There went the last ounce of his self-control.
Jongseong quickly turned around to turn off all his devices and equipment, conveniently turning off the lights, making the room falter into pitch darkness. He could hear Jungwon giggling at the speed of his movements, and he could feel heat crippling up to his neck.
It wasn't the first time he went into 'gay panic' in front of Jungwon (and for Jungwon), and it certainly wouldn't be the last time. He supposed he should be used to it by now. But it wasn't easy to familiarize the deafening drumming in his heart and the warmth around his neck every time. He took in a breath too soothe it.
The gloom made it hard to see. But he knew the room's structure like the back of his hand and made it to the couch successfully, patting on the empty spaces where he was allowed on. Before he could feel slim arms wrapped around him welcomingly, pulling him down.
His body stiffened. He inhaled sharply, praying to himself that it didn't make a sound.
"Jungwon-ah?" He asked. And fuck, they were close. Because he could feel the warmth of Jungwon's breath on his cold cheeks and the tip of his nose was lightly touching something. Their faces might only be inches away, and the darkness was definitely not helping.
The said boy just hummed in response. The raspiness of sleep turned it into a purr. Like a cat's.
"I- I can move to the floor if you want."
Jungwon hummed once more, this time in disagreement, sounded like a muffled nuh-uh, keeping verbal communication to the minimum.
"You're really warm, y'know," he said quietly after. And Jongseong could feel arms tightened around his waist, Jungwon's head rubbing against his chest.
He exhaled slowly, taking it as an approval to pull Jungwon even closer, covering him with a bear hug and fingers caressing the small of his neck. It wasn't all that different. They hugged all the time. He might have placed a kiss on his head too. He couldn't be sure. It was way too late in the night and Jungwon's peachy shampoo scent was the perfect lull to sleep.
Maybe he was happy. Maybe he was content with never speaking his heart, as long as he could hold Jungwon like this. Maybe it only took one night having Jungwon in his arms to make everything else irrelevant. To remind him that however much of an entrepreneur he thought he'd been, Jungwon was too much of a risk.
&&&
That was what he told himself. But Jungwon might have been the one making it harder than ever.
The boy had been testing the most of his patience and self-control, asking to sleep together at the dorm everyday after that. Either a proper invitation, or sometimes he would just pull him down onto either of their bunk beds and clung to him like a giant koala.
The reason had stayed the same. "You're warm." He'd always say.
Obviously, Jongseong didn't have the heart to say anything otherwise, not like he was planning to.
But the other members did. Or, like, this one particular member.
"Why did you tell me to fuck off the other day then?" Niki whined.
"I didn't tell you to fuck off." Jungwon glared. "I just said I will kick you down the bed and you already moved your ass to Sunoo's bed."
"But you never kicked Jay-hyung down the bed!"
"Jay-hyung is different." He said plainly.
"Jeey-hyung is different," Niki mimicked in his baby voice, earning bullet eyes from Jungwon. "You are a horrible leader. You have biased treatment." He stated, pointing a finger.
Jungwon answered with a pursed lip, eyebrows raised challengingly while retreating into Jongseong's personal space, seated next to him. "Deal with it," he stuck out a tongue.
Niki rolled his eyes at the all-too-familiar sight, arms swung into the air like giving up. And Jungwon grinned at him walking away. He finally turned to his favorite hyung, his 'biased treatment', who was fully focused on watching something on his phone and probably unaware of the quarrel that went down.
"Hyung," Jungwon called, nudging the older with his elbow, to which he answered with a fond hum. "You're still sleeping with me tonight, right?"
Jongseong shifted in his seat to look Jungwon, whose eyes wide, dewdrop-shaped and water-like. Water — so much reflecting but just as much see-through. He thought he'd seen love in those eyes.
"Yeah," he smiled. "I'm sleeping with you tonight."