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“Wanna meet up?”
Tobio had to do a double take at the message that popped up in his notifications. He stood in the middle of his apartment for a few minutes, phone held in his right hand, while his left was clutching his shirt at the chest area. His mind was travelling back in time, a montage of amber eyes, blond hair, and sarcasm were flashing right before his eyes. Then he blinked, and all that was in front of him was his living room. His breath was ragged, eyes misty, and his hands were shaking slightly. Breathe in, breathe out. He did that for a good minute, before looking at his phone once again, unlocking it to open the message.
“Sure, when and where?” Hitting send, he plopped down the couch. He didn’t think receiving a message from this person after years would be this… intense. Where did that even come from, Tobio wondered as he remembered the episode he had few minutes prior. His eyes were glued at the ceiling, mind wandering from moment to moment, until he heard another message notification.
“Same place tomorrow, around 5pm?” Tobio smiled a little, barely even there, but it was genuine. One that reached his eyes and softened it, different from the glare that he always has. That place, huh. That place was filled with fond memories of his teenage years, times that he held dear in his heart. It was gone too soon, and it ended before he even had the chance to treasure every single thing that happened, that made him into the person that he is today. Nevertheless, they were good memories that he looks back to every now and then. Visiting it doesn’t sound so bad, so he sends a quick “Sure, see you!” and carried on with his day. He’ll think about his meeting later, it can wait. It won’t be that bad either. He pushed himself off the couch and glanced at the clock, indicating “2:45 pm” on its surface, and he proceeds to his bedroom, trying to distract himself for a while. I have time, he tells himself.
Turns out, time is an illusion because suddenly it’s almost time for their meeting and Tobio’s walking toward a quaint café that sits in the quiet corner of the city. As he walked down the familiar streets, his head was suddenly overflowing with memories, like that one corner where Hinata tripped and fell face first, or that one boutique where Yachi often bought clothes from, and that stationery across the street that Yamaguchi loved because the products were cheap and of good quality. Then, he stops at a small glass door with a handmade sign hanging at the front indicating that they’re open. He takes a deep breath, and this is Kei’s favorite café, he enters and the scent of freshly brewed coffee and baked pastries filled his nose. His eyes immediately landed on the cashier, the decors have changed in the years that he hasn’t visited the place, but it still felt comfy. The woman who used to take their orders was still there, accepting orders with an unwavering smile. She did look older, though. This is the part where he’s supposed to look at the tables and look for the familiar eyes and hair that he’s expecting, but he didn’t. If queueing meant buying a few more minutes, then Tobio would gladly take it. When the woman’s eyes landed on him, it lit up with recognition and something like years of fondness.
“You’re here! Kageyama-kun it has been such a long time,” she greeted.
“I’m sorry it took me so long to visit, Kayama-san. Things have been hectic,” he said easily.
“Of course. I see your face in the news now, dear. You really are something else, huh?”
Tobio laughs, “I guess so. Since it’s off-season now, I have come to visit. I missed your hot chocolate and blueberry muffins.”
“I’m assuming that it’s the usual, then,” she said as she pressed some buttons on the cashier. “Kageyama-kun, are you here to meet up with Tsukishima-kun?”
Oh. That name. Is he here already? Tobio smiled at her, “Yes, I am.”
“He’s already here, should I just bring your order over once it’s done?” she asked softly. Her eyes were also less enthusiastic but gentler, as if they understood what was happening.
“Yes, please,” he smiled once more before his eyes scanned the crowd. He had a hunch on which table Kei has picked so what he did was pointless, but he still did anyway.
Then, his eyes blue eyes landed on amber ones, already staring at him. Kei smiled softly and waved a hand over. And Tobio had to remind himself to breathe for a few seconds because damn, is that really Tsukishima Kei? He walked slowly towards the familiar spot, noticing a cup of latte and a slice of strawberry shortcake already on the table. He still like those. Of course, he does. He smiled at himself before sitting down in front of Kei.
“Took you long enough, King,” he said with a smirk.
“Still an asshole, I see.”
Then, silence. They sat there, just looking at each other, at the changes brought about by the passing of time. Kei’s much more mature now. His facial features more defined, and his body appears broader, he’s still playing volleyball, and it shows. He looks so refined now, and Tobio thinks he’s still as beautiful as he was when they were sixteen and Kei was more rough edges and snarky remarks. He briefly wonders what’s going through Kei’s mind now as he looks at him. Am I still “awe-striking” as you used to say? Do my eyes still hold the galaxies and their stars, Kei? Does your heart still skip a beat at the person that is now in front of you?
“One hot chocolate and a blueberry muffin for my dear Kageyama-kun,” they both snapped their heads at Kayama-san as she placed down Tobio’s orders at the table, “Anything else I can do for you two?”
“This is fine, Kayama-san. Thank you,” Tobio said happily as he eyed the muffin that he had not tasted in a while. Then he glanced at Kei, “I’m all good, too. Thank you, Kayama-san,” he says softly.
Silence once again enveloped the space that contained them. It was a bit unsettling, because what do you even say at a situation like this? Kei was staring at the window beside them, watching as people passed by. A mother with her child on a stroll, little children heading home from the nearby park, some high schoolers buying from the stationery across the road. We used to be one of those high schoolers, carelessly happy without a care in the world. Just unapologetically happy and living in the moment.
“How are you?” Tobio noticed that he’s no longer gazing at the window, instead his focus was back on him.
“I’m doing well, Tsukishima,” he says, “The team is great and I’ve been having a lot of fun playing. My days are spent training, of course. The matches are all so thrilling and my teammates are all strong and… they trust me,” he says with a small smile.
“As they should. You are the King, that leads his people to victory after all,” Kei says with confidence, as if he knows the power that Tobio’s tosses hold. Well, he does know. They used to be teammates. He used to be on the receiving end of the King’s threat and trust, so he knows damn well how great they are, “I’m glad your team’s good. And that you’re comfortable with them.”
“How about you, Tsukishima? What are you up to these days?” He asks, but he knows the answer to his question, the same way that Kei knows Tobio’s answer to his previous question. Their high school team’s keeping in touch all these years, so it’s difficult to miss anything about each other’s lives. And if Tobio’s also keeping track of what Kei’s been up to then that’s something he’ll keep to himself.
“I work in a museum now. Remember how I used to say that I want to work in one?” Kei looked at Tobio knowingly, and Tobio’s mind suddenly remembers one night during their second year of high school after practice and he’s left alone with Kei to clean up.
“Huh? What’s with the question?”
“Just answer it, Tsukishima,” Tobio answered, mildly annoyed.
“What I want to do in life, huh. Well, I want to work in a museum.”
“Museum? That’s kind of surprising,” Tobio says as he mopped the court.
“Why?”
“I thought you’d be a lawyer or something. You’d do well in that area. I guess.”
“You already know this, but I’m also playing still. Nothing new about that. The team’s good, too. Although, there are times when I miss Karasuno.”
“I understand what you mean. Everyone was different but it was good different. I miss those days,” I miss you, Tobio’s mind added.
Silence ensued again. It’s not as stifling as the first, but there are unspoken words that weighed upon them, the atmosphere fragile. Kei was sipping his coffee and Tobio silently munched on his muffin, enjoying the taste that he used to love. It’s still soft and flavorful, just as he remembered it. He remembers weekend study sessions that they used to have in this same place with Hinata, Yachi, and Yamaguchi. The chaos of having five teenagers in one place, the stress in trying to understand trigonometry, the pain of memorizing English vocabulary, the comfort of a blueberry muffin, and a hug much later, when it’s just him and Kei walking home. A you did well today, King and a kiss on his forehead.
“King, are you… Are you alright? After what happened to us, I mean,” Kei said with his head hung low. “I know that it’s been four years. So much time has passed, but…”
“Kei,” at that, Kei looked at Tobio, surprised at the sound of his name from Tobio’s lips, “I wanted to achieve my dream while having you by my side,” Tobio averted his eyes, opting to look back on the window.
“I know, I did, too. You know that.”
They were in their third year of high school. Tobio still had study sessions with the others and tonight they were at Kei’s. The others had long gone home, but he decided to stay the night. Kei was holding him in his arms as they laid, enjoying each other’s presence. Tobio’s exhausted from their study session, and Kei was rubbing comforting circles on his back. Soft music was playing in the background and the atmosphere was calming enough that it almost lulled Tobio to sleep. However, there were things that kept going through his mind.
“Kei, I want to reach my dreams with you by my side,” he said suddenly, looking up at his lover. Kei was caught off-guard at the statement, before he laughed softly. His King never really learned how to control his mouth, huh?
“Of course, I’ll be by your side. Always and forever,” he said before pulling Tobio for a kiss.
Apparently, “always and forever” meant a few months. Neither of them knew better.
“Kei, why did you walk away?”
“One day, looking at you felt like looking at a distant star. You were beautiful, shining, and I was still awed by you,” Kei stared at him with glossy eyes, “but you felt so far away. Like there was a gap that I couldn’t bridge.”
“The offers, right?”
It was a week after graduation. Hinata already went to Brazil. Yamaguchi and Yachi are busy preparing to move out since their universities were far. Kei chose to stay here. Tobio received a lot of different offers. His skills were being recognized.
“Kei! Look at all these offers! What should I do?”
“Well, do you have something you’re considering?”
Tobio was silent for a while, staring at the envelopes before him. Then he picked one up, and showed it to Kei.
“Schweiden Adlers?” Kei asked. Tobio nodded eagerly, eyes shining.
“Yes! Their offer is wonderful Kei. Look at it…”
Kei was happy for him, he really was. It was such a wonderful feeling to see someone you love walk towards their dream. But, does Tobio even realize what’s going to happen? He’ll be staying in Tokyo, far from where Kei is. That’s when Kei felt it. Tobio’s going to be his distant star.
“I’m sorry, Tobio. I was weak. So much so that we had to end what we had,” at this point Kei has tears falling from his eyes.
“I wished you didn’t let me go so easily, Kei. I wanted you to fight through obstacles with me,” Tobio sniffled, feeling the tears threatening to fall, “but Kei, I wish I compromised more. Communicated more. Understood more. It isn’t all your fault. I wish I didn’t let go so easily.”
Tobio was set to move to Tokyo in three days. It’s been a month since he decided to go for Schweiden Adlers’ offer. Kei decided that they should end it. They were in the café that they frequented. It was a place filled with fond memories that they collected throughout their high school life. Funny how Kei decided to end their relationship here. He took one look at Tobio who was oblivious to what was about to happen. Who looked adorable as he enjoyed the blueberry muffin. Tobio, his beautiful star. Perhaps a mere mortal like him shouldn’t dream of holding onto a star forever.
“Tobio, let’s break up.”
“You… you’re kidding, right?” Tobio asked, his lips quivering slightly.
“No, I’m not. I mean it.”
“Why?”
“Because you’re bound for greater things and I feel like I’d be weighing you down. There’s so much you can do, Tobio. I’ll just be in the way.”
“You promised, Kei,” Tobio was crying now. Kei never saw Tobio cry, so seeing him like this right now was breaking Kei so much more, “You said that we’ll reach our dreams together.”
“Tokyo’s so far away, Tobio. You’ll be busy and I will be, too.”
“Liar. Always and forever, that was your promise to me. Why? Why are you leaving me so suddenly?”
Tobio was sniffling so much already, and Kei thinks it’s a good thing that there were only two other customers aside them at this hour. He saw Kayama-san look at them questioningly. He ignored her.
“Tobio, love. I do not want to be the one to bind your wings and prevent you from flying high.”
“Then fly high with me!” Tobio raised his voice.
“You know that it isn’t that easy. We’ll be taking different paths. Please try to understand.”
Tobio was crying so hard, and Kei reached for his hand, thankful that he didn’t pull away. They spent quite some time until Tobio calmed down.
“Kei, is this the only way?”
“I… yes,” he says, swallowing the lump in his throat. Having to keep himself together was difficult. He, too, wanted to cry his heart out because letting go isn’t as easy as people make it seem.
“If, years from now, we still love each other and are already contented with what we’ve achieved, can we please find our way back together?”
Kei sighed in relief. His King wanted him still, despite the decision he made right now, Tobio still wanted him to be in his life in the future.
“In the future, King. Let’s meet again.”
“In the future, Kei.”
Four years ago, it was Tobio who was crying hard in this same corner. Now, it was Kei. Tobio reached for his hand and held it until Kei calmed down a little. Talking about this removed a weight that was left in their hearts for so long.
“Kei, we were both so young back then. We did what we could, so let us not blame ourselves anymore, yeah?”
Kei sniffled, and looked at Tobio with a wobbly smile, “Yeah. Okay.”
“C’mon, wipe your face. I don’t want people to think that I made this attractive man cry,” Tobio teased. Kei laughed openly this time, and then their conversation continued.
It was a wonderful time, being with Kei and not having any worries at all. They spent their time talking about the life they’ve been living away from each other. Little stories here and there about their own team’s funny encounters, comments on the opponents they’ve faced, and even reminiscing about the memories they’ve shared with the other Karasuno people. Tobio thinks that talking with Kei, being with him, feels like coming home after along, tiring day. You feel like home. You are my home, Kei. It was dark outside, and they’ve already ordered seconds of blueberry muffin and strawberry shortcake. It’s time to go.
“Kei, is this the future we’ve talked about yet?”
Kei stared at him, his eyes glowing with love and pride of the person that Tobio has become, “Well, I’m still aiming for something: Division 1 of the League. And you’re still going to fly further, right? Olympics, King.”
“Not yet, then,” Tobio laughs.
“Not yet.”
They stood up, went to Kayama-san to bid good bye with a promise of return, and exited the café. They were going in opposite directions.
“That was fun, King. We should do it again.”
“That we should, maybe we should invite those three, too. It’s been a while,” at that, Kei nodded in agreement.
There was a comfortable silence between them as they stared at each other. There was something between them that was strong, a pull that they choose to resist for now. Because this isn’t their future, yet. So instead of a kiss, Kei pulled Tobio for a hug. And they both feel like it’s so right, having each other like this, but they shouldn’t be rushing anything. It’s something they learned years ago, so this is enough for now. Until the day that their future arrives for them.
“Well, I’ll be going now, Kei. Stay safe and good luck on everything else. Keep in touch, yeah?” I love you, Kei is the unspoken statement.
“Of course, I’ll be texting you. Take care of yourself. Continue showing them who rules the court, King.” I love you, too, my King is the unspoken reply.
And with that, they venture into their own lives once again, fulfilling their dreams, until the day that their futures intertwine forever and always.