Archive of Our Own

it had taken him a lot of courage, sending that text to jungkook. not to mention, a lot of cheering from hoseok who hadn't left his side the whole time he trembled while typing out his confession, the nerve-wrecking minutes it took for jungkook to open that text and finally...

the heart-breaking moment... when he was left on read.

°•°•°•°•°

"come on, yoongi!" hoseok says as he impatiently taps his foot, bags of takeout scattered on the glass table in genius lab, "you said you'd do it!"

yoongi frowns. he slowly spins his chair around and with a pout he mutters, "i did say i'd do it, i just never said when..." eyes trained on his black sandals when he raises his feet a bit above the ground at a strong twirl.

hoseok groans in frustration, "hyung, i'm literally so close to ripping my hair out." he purses his lips and narrows his eyes at the empty plastic bottle strewn on the table before grabbing it and chucking it at the elder, "do it, you coward!"

yoongi squeals and rolls away while on his desk chair, the bottle missing him by an inch, "i'm not a coward!" he huffs, "it's just very hard confessing to your younger friend that you're absolutely in love with him and that you just want to grow old together while raising 5 dogs, 3 cats, 10 fish and a parrot." yoongi pauses before adding while vaguely waving a hand around, "plus, maybe a kid or two."

hoseok's wide eyes blink at yoongi who awkwardly smiles back at him. the younger takes a deep breath and holds it.

a moment later yoongi frowns, "would you say something?!"

hoseok breathes out and with a blank face he says, "damn, you're whipped."

yoongi whines in despair and covers his face with his hands, "i know!"

the younger sighs and smiles at his friend, "yoongi hyung, trust me, it'll go well, and you will feel so much better once you tell jungkook your feelings."

yoongi plays with the hem of his sweater and bites his lower lip, "really?"

hoseok nods, "really! you might never know, he may even reciprocate your feelings!” he says with a grin.

yoongi narrows his eyes at his friend feeling suspicious, “is there something you’re not telling me?”

hoseok quickly shakes his head, “nope,” he pops the ‘p’ then shoves a bunch of fries into his mouth, “nothing. why do you ask?”

yoongi scrunches his nose at the way his friend’s speaking with a mouthful of food, “gross. at least swallow first.” he then sighs in defeat, “fine. i'll trust you, okay?" yoongi says as he grabs his phone on the table and unlocks it, "i'm trusting you!" he raises his voice, "okay?"

"okay!"

"i'm doing it!"

"you're doing it!"

yoongi takes a deep breath and with trembling fingers he starts to type out.

'i like you.'

he silently shakes his head and deletes the message.

no, no. that's too simple.

'greetings, i hope this message finds you well. i am sending you this text to inform you that in my heart, i have some extra feelings for you that exceed the normal amount friends should have for each oth-'

"what the ever-loving fuck are you typing?"

yoongi startles and turns his head, "what the heck?! hobi you scared me!"

with a look of absolute horror hoseok keeps staring at the message, "and you'll scare him away with that!"

"what's wrong with it?" yoongi sadly mutters as he too, stares at his message.

"everything! are you confessing to your crush or writing a formal letter for a language exam?!"

yoongi rereads his text and shrugs slowly, feeling unsure, "i mean... it looks fine to me?"

a long stretch of silence settles in the air around them. it’s finally broken by hoseok, who sighs deeply and pinches the bridge of his nose while reaching with the other hand for the bottle of soju.

“for a hit song,” he mutters under his breath as he raises the tip of the bottle to his lips, taking a big gulp, “do it for a hit song.”

yoongi groans and he's very close to stomping his feet on the ground like a 5-year-old when they get scolded for stabbing someone in the eye with a spoon, "well, what else do you suggest?"

"just say, 'hey jungkook, i really like you a lot, and if you like me back can you be my boyfriend?'"

yoongi turns his chair and stares at his friend, "that's it?"

hoseok nods and munches on a french fry, "that's it."

yoongi squints his eyes at the younger who keeps on eating the fries undisturbed, "this better go well."

"it will. so just trust me."

yoongi takes a deep breath and types his confession, quickly sending it without proofreading lest he chickens out again and gives up.

"i did it..." he mutters, "now what?"

"now we wait."

hoseok stares at his friend whose eyes are trained on the phone screen and smiles, "how do you feel?"

yoongi shrugs, "i feel okay. i feel great. in fact, i feel way calmer than i expec-" his eyes widen when the little ticks underneath his message turn blue and he stands up, "oh my god, he read it!" he yells.

hoseok winces and rubs his ears, "yup... calm, indeed."

yoongi starts pacing the small space of his studio, "he read it. hobi, he read it."

"did he say something?"

yoongi shakes his head, "no, not yet. i mean, he might be a bit shocked, you know? so let's just give him time."

but minutes pass until finally it's been an hour and yoongi still hasn't gotten an answer.

feeling ultimately defeated, he sits on the leather couch next to his friend, "he didn't reply..."

hoseok smiles sadly at his friend and places an arm around his shoulders, pulling him close, "cheer up, hyung. maybe he needs more time, it was quite sudden after all." he points at a random direction, "believe me, i can see your bright future together! don't you?"

yoongi squints his eyes in order to see better then says, "i see a spider web right there in the corner of the ceiling."

hoseok turns his head to look at his friend who’s still squinting his eyes to see the spider web, "good god, you're beyond saving."

°•°•°•°•°

jungkook wasn't ready. he hadn't been expecting this so late at night. he was an unsuspecting victim to the bout of feelings that he had, supposedly, gotten used to along the way in the past couple of years.

one hand clutches the front of his shirt, right over his erratic heartbeats, while the other squeezes the phone tighter.

his lips silently move along the words he’s reading on the bright screen;

'jungkook-ah, i know this is sudden, but i feel like i have to do this now because if i don't i might back out again. i really like you, i have for a long while now. if you... perhaps… feel the same... would you like to be my boyfriend?'

a long moment of silence passes by before jungkook blinks out of his stupor, "shit," he mutters, "holy fucking shit."

he moves around robotically as he locks his phone and throws it onto the bed before changing into his sleepwear and crawling onto the soft mattress, moving underneath the blankets. wide eyes stare at the white ceiling, blank face betraying the emotions running wild inside of him.

"he likes me..." jungkook mutters to himself before his face suddenly breaks into a wide grin and he laughs out loud, absolute happiness overtaking him, "holy shit! he likes me!"

jungkook covers his face with the blankets and turns to the side. with a content smile he closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, but still failing to calm his beating heart.

that night, he falls asleep just like that. a wide smile, as one thought runs through his mind;

'min yoongi, i love you. so much.'

°•°•°•°•°

a couple of days had passed since the 'not getting an answer and being left on read' incident, or as yoongi likes to call it the 'i should have expected that' incident, had happened. as much as he'd like to both hide and deny it, it had hurt him a lot, left a bad taste in his mouth because why would jungkook ignore him when it's obviously something important to him?

but what hurt yoongi even more was the way jungkook had started treating him afterwards.

he wasn't ignored or treated badly, on the contrary, he was being... spoiled.

spoiled with extra touches and soft-spoken words and at first it hadn't affected him much. he didn't put too much thought into it because that's what they usually do with each other, give comforting words and comforting hugs; and as much as yoongi tries hide it, he really loves those hugs and love-filled expressions, but when you're getting it from someone who seems to have rejected you in an indifferent way it feels like a stab in the heart.

it makes yoongi feel ridiculed, makes him feel stupid.

he doesn't like that feeling, he doesn't like feeling stupid because he's not. yoongi knows he's not and it pains him, feels like something had been lodged in his throat and it's getting harder to breathe, getting harder to express himself.

especially when the source of it came from jungkook.

the man he really loves.

the man who's a big part of the safe space he had worked hard to build for himself.

so yoongi brushed it off. tried to act with the same indifference he had received and decided to not bring it up if jungkook doesn't.

and he did so well, acting like everything was fine and that he was okay.

until he couldn't and then ultimately broke.

°•°•°•°•°

it started out with subtle moves, nothing too obvious or noticeable.

the first time it happened was during a break from shooting another episode for their series run bts. yoongi was sitting on the couch tapping away on his phone as he leisurely sipped his coffee.

he didn't react when he felt the couch's leather dip down from an added weight, just continued on looking up new musical equipment that could be of use to him on one of his favorite websites. that is until he felt a hand rest on his head. he moved his gaze away from the lit screen and his eyes widened as he stared at the man sitting next to him.

he gulped and took a deep breath before muttering, "jungkook..."

that was their first meeting alone after the incident. part of that might be because yoongi had tried his best to ignore the younger man; heart not ready to face the consequences of his actions. more precisely, he was not ready to be rejected face to face when the rest of the members were not here to protect him from this talk.

so, he braced himself, held his breath and counted backwards from 10, but the talk he expected did not show it ugly self, instead;

"hey hyung," jungkook said as he smiled and tilted his head to the side, craning his neck to try and look and yoongi's phone screen. he scrunched his nose and his grin widened, "are you looking up music equipment again?"

but yoongi didn't answer. he stared with wide eyes at jungkook, as if he had grown two heads, mouth open in shock at how easy this seemed to be for the younger man, as if he wasn’t slowly tormenting yoongi on the inside.

"what are you doing?" yoongi croaked out.

"hmm?" jungkook slid towards yoongi and leaned in closer. his fingers started playing with the older's soft hair, carding his fingers through bright colored locks not noticing the way yoongi had frozen up, "i'm spending time with my favorite hyung." and his smile softened, gaze was so gentle as he looked at yoongi, eyes filled with so much adoration that it seeped all the air out of the room.

suddenly, yoongi couldn't breathe.

because why was he doing this? was he trying to act like that whole confession didn't happen?

for that, yoongi wasn’t sure if he should be grateful or resentful, but he knew that he could never hold any malicious intent or feelings when it came to the members. especially not when it came to jungkook.

yoongi should have said something, done something about this; like pushing that hand away, maybe should have yelled a bit because it might’ve made him feel better, but what would have his reason been?

'why are you acting like this?'

but what exactly was this?

they always do this, it's no different from how they usually act with one another. playing with each other’s hair and calling out favorites for the fun of it.

however, for some reason it just felt like this might be a bit different. maybe because of the sense of what it could have been and the meaning it could've held. there was also that tender smile jungkook had carried along with his action of playing with yoongi's hair and that's what made it seem uncommon, like it held a meaning it should not.

but there wasn't anything concrete to prove his point and that's why yoongi felt like he couldn't come out and say anything about it, to dig deeper and find answers that could have given him closure. plus, he didn't want this to affect the group nor their work, so he held it in and decided to act as if nothing ever happened.

jungkook smiled at him, joked with him just like usual but that subtle feeling like something had changed hurts more than being rejected out loud.

yoongi doesn't cry easily and when he does cry, he doesn't like doing it in front of others, but in that moment he felt his eyes well up with tears he tried hard to keep at bay because it stings. somehow this stings more than losing an award because then he has someone next to him, the rest of the members, but now? now he only has himself.

so, he did the only thing he could do in that moment.

he muttered an, "oh..." and smiled, a bit bitter, at jungkook before looking away, hoping the pain withers before he himself does.

°•°•°•°•°

the second time it happens, it got worse (or better. yoongi can never decide).

it’s when they were getting ready to shoot an interview. seokjin is supposed to sit next to yoongi, but then jungkook squeezes himself in that little space just to be the one seated next to him.

seokjin had grumbles underneath his breath, but ultimately makes some space by moving away. whereas yoongi goes rigid, holding in his breath as jungkook wriggles around trying to get comfortable. he is so close their thighs are touching.

yoongi swallows down the lump in his throat as he feels the heat of the other seep through his thick jeans. that isn't the problem though. sitting this close to each other is something very normal in their household.

the problem is jungkook shyly grabbing yoongi's hand in his own before slowly intertwining their fingers. with wide eyes, he sharply looks up at jungkook, but the younger's not paying him any attention, too busy arguing with seokjin about something yoongi doesn't have the energy to listen to or care about.

his breath stutters when his gaze moves down, and he stares at their clasped hands and he bites his lower lip wondering why jungkook would want to hold his hand.

mulling over what could've been, should've been, had jungkook reciprocated his feelings. but he doesn't.

however, what he does is stare longingly at jungkook's side profile and wish for something he can't have, but then jungkook turns his face and looks at him, actually looks at him as if he's delving deep into his soul through his eyes before tilting his head and smiling tenderly.

yoongi feels his world slowly crumbling beneath his feet when jungkook squeezes his hand.

and it feels so cosy, this contact. normal in a way, but so very intimate in a sense.

then why did yoongi feel cold inside when the hand holding his was so warm? his scalp is tingling and his body becoming numb as if he was dipped in ice water.

he wants to complain, a small part of him wants to throw a tantrum.

why are you doing this?

this is so unfair.

is this a joke to you?

and...

... am i a joke to you?

but he can't speak because isn't this normal? the members are all so close to each other that holding hands is nothing to question.

not to mention, this small action might not even mean anything to jungkook.

°•°•°•°•°

it all, however, began escalating when jungkook started getting touchier; his actions more... intimate.

it first unfolded when jungkook walked into the kitchen and gave yoongi a side hug, "hey, beautiful." he said as he kissed yoongi's temple before moving to open one of the cabinets, pulling 2 packets of instant ramen.

yoongi's eyes widened and he had to place his mug of coffee on the table as his hands had started to visibly tremble.

jungkook was oblivious to the storm that was going on inside of the older man, busy humming a random tune while placing a pan on the stove to heat some water, "want me to make you some, too?"

"i..." yoongi took a step back, "jungkook... what?" he asked as emotions ran wild in his head.

jungkook hummed in question and turned around. he frowned in concern when he noticed yoongi's ashen pale face, "hyung... are you okay? you look like you've seen a ghost."

"you..." yoongi swallowed and he squeezed his fists, "why did you do that?"

jungkook raised a brow, "did what? kiss you? because i wanted to. as for calling you beautiful..." he smiled, "it's because you are. beautiful. very much so."

yoongi's breath stuttered and he started shaking. he should have said something, should have asked him why he's doing this, why he's being like this, but whenever he opens his mouth nothing would come out.

his vocal cords refused to cooperate.

it was like all the air was sucked out of this room and the world had started to spin and it felt like a small push was all it would take for yoongi to fall the same way hail hits that pavement.

hard and fast.

but then seokjin walked in and stared at them, asked if something's wrong. that was all it took for jungkook to take over and answer as yoongi decided to escape from this.

they don't do that.

kissing the other on the forehead while saying how beautiful the other looks in their pajamas.

yoongi rushed into his bedroom then shut the door and locked it. he took deep breaths to calm his heart then sighed.

He was rattled. yoongi was not going to lie to himself, but he hated how happy and flustered that one single compliment made him, maybe it was the kiss too (it was definitely the kiss), but that's to be expected. it's the love of his life after all.

it feels like a stab though, knowing that these intimate actions don't hold the same meaning to jungkook as it does to him.

that's when it took a turn and yoongi finally decided to accept that something is really wrong because after that incident jungkook started doing this in front of the others too.

at first, it was a toned-down version of what happened in the kitchen. like a quick kiss on the cheek when no one's looking, busy doing their own things, followed by smirk and a wink.

then it was on his head.

yoongi was sitting on the couch watching tv with seokjin next to him when jungkook walked up from behind and placed a kiss on the crown of his head before pulling back and saying, "i'm going to order some chicken, do you guys want anything?"

seokjin had frozen up and looked at jungkook as if he grew another head, "what the..."

"i'm taking that as a no." he turns to yoongi and the hand that had rested on his head moved down and started to gently stroke his soft cheek, "what about you, hyung? want anything?"

yoongi chokes on his spit and shakes his head, "i'm fi-" he squeaks then clears his throat, "i'm fine."

"okay, if you want anything just call me." the younger leans down and leaves a kiss on the cheek he was caressing before walking away.

seokjin whips his head and stares at yoongi, "what the fuck yoongi? what was that?"

yoongi minutely shakes his head, "i don't know." he mumbles underneath his breath. not daring to look his hyung in the eyes as he busied himself with the strings of his sweatpants.

seokjin suddenly gasps and smacks yoongi's arm who winces and rubs it, "did you finally confess?! oh my god, yoongi, that's so great! i told you it'll wor-"

"no!" yoongi yells.

seokjin startles and stares at his friend with mouth and eyes wide open, shocked at the fact that yoongi had raised his voice. not at him, in particular, but at the fact that he actually raised his voice because yoongi hates loud noises and yoongi hates yelling, he rarely ever does so, "what..."

yoongi nervously swallows, "i didn't. i didn't confess." he stands up and grabs his phone, "i'm going to sleep."

"yoongi, wait!"

said man bites his lower lip in anger and disappointment as he walks away.

anger at jungkook for doing what he did when he perfectly knows yoongi's feelings.

and disappointment in himself for not only lying to one of his closest friends, someone he considers family, but also for being so affected by this,

but he had to lie because somehow confessing to the others that he got rejected hurt his pride more than acting like nothing is wrong and that everything’s fine.

°•°•°•°•°

ever since jungkook had gotten that confession he’s been feeling so happy and ecstatic. yoongi had always made him happy, but now knowing his true feelings by hearing the sound of his voice jungkook would feel a surge of energy and he swears he’ll be able to run miles.

even though he's enjoying his time, he can't help but feel that something is wrong with yoongi. instead of becoming closer he's been avoiding him, trying to pull away, but jungkook just chucked it to being shy. after all, yoongi was never a fan of pda nor did he like when things change so quickly, so he decided to be patient and take things slow.

'don't pressure him, jungkook.'

'be considerate and understanding.'

but his patience would only take him so long.

he wants to be able to freely express his adoration for the man he loves.

jungkook sighs and scratches his head as he stares at the breakfast and flowers on the table, maybe he should've spoken to yoongi about this first.

"oh my, is that for me?"

jungkook startles and turns around, frowning at jimin who's smirking in amusement at him, "no, that's for hyung!"

jimin points at himself, "i'm your hyung!"

jungkook narrows his eyes and grits out, "yoongi hyung."

jimin snorts and grins wide, "jesus christ, you're whipped."

jungkook smiles in giddiness, scrunching his nose, "heh, i really am, huh?"

jimin's smile softens and he lightly pushes jungkook with his shoulder, "at least try to hide how in love you are with him.” he says, “just a tiny bit for. our sake." he adds a moment later.

"not a chance, hyung. i'll show him at every waking moment because that's what he deserves."

jimin stares at his friend, gaze so tender. before he gets to say anything, yoongi walks in, rubbing the sleep from his eyes, "morning." he mutters while making his way to the coffee machine.

"hyung, good morning!" jimin says. he places an arm around yoongi's shoulders and turns him around, his other arm gesturing towards the table, "look at what jungkookie did for you!"

yoongi blinks at the different assortment of his favorite food with jungkook standing on the side, a nervous smile on his face. his eyes slowly move to the flowers placed neatly next to the tray of food. tiger lilies, he notices, and his breath hitches itself in his throat.

please love me.

yoongi wants to scoff at the choice of flowers.

please love me, is that what he really wants to say with those flowers? or is it his way of mocking yoongi, making fun of his feelings and vulnerability?

"...why?" he finally speaks as his eyes move to jungkook, face blank, void of any emotions; fully betraying the storm raging on in the inside.

jungkook steadily loses his smile and jimin chuckles nervously, raising his brows at jungkook in question, "what do you mean why, hyung?"

but yoongi ignores jimin, now glaring at jungkook, "why?" he presses.

why are you doing this?

is this fun to you, playing with me like this?

jungkook frowns and he swears he notices a flash of hurt cross over yoongi's face for a second before resentment and anger is all he sees, "hyung..." and the more he stares at his hyung the more he feels that that one word inquiry holds a bigger question.

'why?' he asked.

'because i love you.' jungkook wanted to say.

but the more they stand in silence like this, the more he feels that it's inappropriate to blurt his answer out.

"i..."

jimin bites his lower lip and slowly removes his arm from around yoongi's shoulders. he frowns at the tense atmosphere because aren't they dating already?

shouldn't they be happy now?

"uhm..." jimin opens his mouth to say something and break this awkward silence, but yoongi shakes his head and turns away, "never mind." he says, "it isn't that important anyways." he mumbles and walks away.

"jungkookie, what the hell? did something happen between you guys?" yoongi hears jimin ask, but doesn't stay long enough to hear the answer because he's in a hurry to hide in the safe confines of his room.

that's all he seems to be doing lately.

once yoongi's back in his room and sitting on the bed he sniffles and wipes away the tears that gathered in his eyes, not allowing them to fall, "you're so stupid, min yoongi."

he promised himself he wouldn't cry, it's not worth it, but look at him now with his lower lip wobbling and tears blurring his vision. he bites his lip so hard it almost bleeds, but it does its job of keeping his sobs at bay.

it hurts.

and he's not talking about his lip.

°•°•°•°•°

yoongi wished for it to end there, he was at his wits end, wasn't sure how much longer of this he can handle. because if it wasn't the loving gestures it was going to be this. the nicknames.

those silly godforsaken nicknames.

some of them are what his mother typically uses, "hey there, my little dumpling." he'd say as he scrunched his nose in a wide smile.

and yoongi would stare at him with a crooked smile as he swallowed down the hatred.

the hurt.

and he can feel it graze his throat as if he swallowed shards of glass and his fingers itch to claw that feeling away.

others were something ridiculous like, "marshmallow," or, "pumpkin latte" and the list could go on. as much as yoongi hates these nicknames he thinks, under better circumstances, he would've enjoyed them. would've probably scoffed at jungkook before throwing an even more ridiculous nickname at him.

then, jungkook had called him, "my baby."

it pricks and probes in his mind until that’s the only thing he can think about.

yoongi had never imagined himself to be this mad at jungkook.

he's mad, sad and disappointed.

jungkook's not like this, he's not mean, he doesn't like tormenting people. he's nice, respectful and understanding. honestly, he's a beautiful person inside out. so, why?

why is he doing this to yoongi? acting like nothing had happened, like yoongi didn't lay out his feelings in the open for him for a minute, but then proceed to rub everything in.

rub what could've been in his face and with such a big smile, nonetheless.

yoongi wants to talk to him about it, swears he tried his best in his own way, but yoongi's never been good at confrontation because confrontation could lead to fights and if there's one thing yoongi tries to avoid, it's fighting.

so he takes a deep breath and holds it in while asking himself, 'is there a way out?'.

°•°•°•°•°

yoongi's sitting on his computer, headphones on his ears listening to the random notes he's merging together. lately, he has been having a hard time when it comes to being inspired and making music. so, he decided that maybe locking himself in his studio while combining random tunes might help with that.

he's so engrossed in his work that he doesn't notice that someone had come in until they speak up.

"you know, glaring at your screen won't magically write you a song." jungkook says, leaning down speaking right next to yoongi's covered ear.

the older startles and he removes his headphones before turning his head and facing jungkook, face mere inches away from the other's. yoongi's eyes map out jungkook's features before they settle on his eyes and he swallows, subtly trying to back away, "w-what are you doing here?"

jungkook smiles, "i wanted to see my favorite hyung."

"oh..." yoongi bites his lower lip and looks away, eyes fixed on his screen again as he aimlessly moves his mouse around, acting like he's doing something of importance.

jungkook stares at him for a couple of seconds more before straightening up and walking to the leather couch to sit down.

he sighs and sheepishly scratches the back of his neck, "i..." he pauses to take a deep breath before continuing, "i actually wanted to talk to you about something."

yoongi stiffens in his seat, but tries to act nonchalant when he asks, "what is it?"

jungkook holds a hand out, "can you come over here?"

yoongi slowly spins in his chair and looks at the open hand and then at jungkook's face. the younger seems nervous with his teeth gnawing at his lower lip and his free hand pulling at the hem of his sweater, "please?" he adds in a whisper when he notices that yoongi made no move.

he wants to say no, wants to say that he's comfortable where he's sitting and that there's no need for him to move any closer to have a conversation, but yoongi's always been weak for jungkook. can never say no to him.

he purses his lips and stands up. taking jungkook's hand, he can't help his own little smile when he sees the younger do so in relief as he pulls him to sit next to him, not letting go even when he’s seated.

yoongi stares at their clasped hands. maybe this isn't so bad, maybe he can actually do this, act like nothing had happened, but that there's a little subtle change.

maybe he can even play along with jungkook, at least he'd be getting something out of this whole ordeal.

"yoongi."

said man looks up at the mention of his name and he doesn't have it in him to scold jungkook for the lack of honorifics, "what is it?"

jungkook’s biting his lower lip and jiggling his leg, "i want to apologize for what i've done."

yoongi's eyes widen and he feels the air cut off so quickly that his head starts spinning, "what?" he croaks out.

does... does that mean he knew what he's been doing? has been doing everything on purpose?

was he really making fun of yoongi all this time?

"i shouldn't have done all that in front of the others before talking to you about it, i could see how uncomfortable it made you..." he mutters and yoongi can't believe what he hears and sees because jungkook actually seems as if he's riddled with guilt.

"then why did you?" yoongi asks after a moment, voice scratchy and eyes heating up from the onslaught of coming tears.

"because..." with his free hand, jungkook starts cupping yoongi's face, thumb caressing his cheekbone then gently moving down to his pink lips as his gaze fixed on them, "hyung, i..."

and yoongi sees jungkook moving in, feels the heat of his breath on his lips and is frozen in shock, eyes wide and mouth slightly parted. he feels so upset that jungkook would really go this far to make fun of his crush, to even take advantage of it.

before he gets to protest, yoongi senses warm lips on his and jungkook's kissing him, all soft and tender as the hand on his cheek moves to his neck and grasps him, pulling him closer.

he doesn't hear himself whine, doesn't hear the sound of wet lips parting before jungkook's slowly pulling away, but not before leaving another quick peck on his mouth, and he's staring at yoongi with those big wide eyes that hold the galaxy, so full of hope.

yoongi's trembling, tears finally cascading down his cheek and falling to hit the back of his hand that's nestled in his lap, squeezing his thigh so tightly it's lost all blood and had turned white.

he opens his mouth to speak, he wants to confront jungkook, he should, but no sound comes out and his lips are quivering with so many suppressed thoughts and emotions.

he thought he was doing really well keeping it all inside, packed in a jar at the back of his mind. however, by the time jungkook had pulled away, that jar had been shattered open, broken shards of glass lying steeply against his skull and everything he was doing his hardest to repress, to overpower, laid bare in front of him, staring him dead in the face.

the kindness, tenderness, in jungkook's eyes make his chest ache, tight and constricting as he tries to breathe through the hurt clutching his gut, but then jungkook says, "i really like you so much, hyung." he chuckles, thumb stroking yoongi's cheek again wiping away the tears, "have liked you for such a long time now. i wish i could have been the one to tell you first, but i was too scared."

yoongi's eyes widen at the confession he hears, "w-what?" he sniffles and shakes his head, confusion evident on his face, "n-no."

"it's true. i just never said anything because i was scared you didn't feel the same." jungkook squeezes yoongi's hand and yoongi's suprised he hadn't let go yet, "i didn't want to ruin what we had..."

yoongi shakes his head again, refusing to believe what jungkook is saying because if it's true then all that pain and hurt had been for nothing, "you're lying. you were doing all that to make fun of me. this was all just a good joke to you."

"what?!" jungkook frowns, glaring at yoongi at the implication, "you think i'd joke around like that when it’s something so important to you? to us?" a hurt expression obvious on his face.

"then why did you do all that?" yoongi sniffles and gestures around with his free hand, "the hugs, the kisses. the breakfast."

"i did them because i like you!" jungkook yells, starting to feel frustrated with the situation.

"then what about the flowers?" but yoongi keeps on pressing. he wants to believe him, wants to surrender can feel the small thread of comfort and absolute happiness so close and easy to grasp, but he's scared that once he gives in it'll be snatched away from him the next second, "tiger lilies. you think i wouldn't understand the hidden meaning?"

"what are you talking about?"

"please love me. that's what they mean," yoongi pauses and stares at jungkook, "when that's all i ever wanted from you..." he mutters.

"that... yoongi..." jungkook sighs and runs a hand through his hair, "the hidden meaning was for you to love me," a look of defeat flitting on his face, "just the way i love you."

"huh?"

"i told you that i liked you but i lied."

yoongi shakes his head, unconsciously squeezing the hand in his, "jungkook, please..."

"i never only liked you, i've been in love with you since the moment i’ve laid eyes on you."

yoongi's body sags in defeat and jungkook's breath stutters. he looks so small and hurt like this, as if he resigned to his fate. as if that's all he'll ever get, pain. so, he racks his brains, tries to remember what he ever did wrong because yoongi doesn't deserve this, he shouldn't be sad nor dejected.

happiness is what suits him. it’s only reasonable.

but then he's surprised when yoongi speaks up to ask, "then why did you reject me?"

"reject you?" he repeats in surprise, "i never rejected you!" because he would never.

jungkook is many things, but he's not an idiot. yoongi's confession had made him so ecstatic and he went to reply right away because yoongi's just so... perfect. letting go of such a chance would be the dumbest thing he'd ever do.

"but you never replied to me..." yoongi bites his lower lip and fumbles with his phone because... what's going on?

"what? but i did!"

"you didn't," he unlocks the phone and opens the messaging app. he feels his heart beat like crazy and his insides squeeze with leftover hurt when the 'read' mark comes into view, "see!" he shoves the phone in jungkook's face, trying to be at least a little bit aggressive in order to let out all his buried frustrations.

"oh." jungkook's eyes widen when he notices he really had never replied. he lets go of yoongi's hand and takes out his phone from his jacket's pocket quickly opening his messages with the older man, "oh. oh shit."

"yes, oh."

jungkook gulps and lowers his phone to look at yoongi, "i- i really thought i did."

yoongi says nothing, just keeps on a blank face as jungkook's breaks into one of nervousness.

"shit, i'm really sorry, hyung." he grabs yoongi's hands again and squeezes, "i really didn't mean to hurt you the way i had done. i really thought i had replied! i was just..." he groans and squeezes his eyes shut then rests his forehead on yoongi's shoulder, "i was so happy and elated when i got your message. i've always loved you, so deeply, that when i got your confession i was so occupied with thoughts of what i could do or say to show you just how much you really mean to me that replying to you just crossed my mind."

yoongi hums and for the first time in a while he feels his body relax, mind finally giving him a break. he leans in and rests the side of his head on jungkooks, "gguk-ah..."

"yeah hyung?"

"i was really hurt." yoongi sniffles and his eyes sting again, but he refuses to let the tears fall this time round.

jungkook lets out a wounded noise and he wraps his arms around yoongi's waist then squeezes tightly, "i know." he kisses yoongi's shoulder, "i'm sorry," he mumbles against it, "i really am."

yoongi sniffles again and wetly giggles, "i know," he raises his arms, one of them wraps around jungkook's neck while the other hand busies itself with playing with the long locks of hair, "promise you'll make it up to me?"

"i will," jungkook squeezes him again before lightly pulling back to look yoongi in the eyes, "and i'll start by formally asking you out."

yoongi gives him a wide smile, gums showing and eyes looking like crescent moon and in that moment, jungkook's heart clenches.

god, he loves that man.

"min yoongi."

"yes, jeon jungkook?"

"will you be my boyfriend?"

yoongi giggles and nods, pulling jungkook in by the neck and placing a wet kiss on his nose before the younger nuzzles it with his, "yes. yes i will."

°•°•°•°•°

seokjin stands at the entry of the living room, a look of disgust on his face as he bites into his apple with a snap and chews on it as if he was doing that to the two men busy cuddling 5 feet away from him.

"that bad, huh?"

he turns to look at hoseok and grunts in answer, "did we not tell them to tone it down just last night or was that conversation a figment of my imagination?" he grumbles.

hoseok snorts and leans against the wall. he crosses his arms and stares at his two friends smiling wide while whispering words of love and adoration to each other, "when i told yoongi hyung to confess, i honestly did not think they'd banish us from almost all the rooms in this house just to cuddle in peace."

"tell me about it." seokjin mutters underneath his breath then sighs in defeat as a small smile grazes his features, "at least they're happy." he says while looking at his friends.

yoongi's cheeks start hurting from how big his gummy smile is, but he can't help it, it's against all powers. just being next to jungkook makes him so happy.

fingers splayed across jungkook's cheeks; he rubs his nose against the younger's then pecks him on the lips once.

then twice.

"i love you," he mutters and jungkook grins, so in love with the being in his lap.

he hugs him tight and pulls him closer, chest against chest, "i love you, too." he says before capturing yoongi's lips in another kiss. this one longer than the last.

hoseok hums and grins, "yeah. they're happy."