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“Everyone! Thank you all for coming to see me tonight!” Setsuna yelled on the stage. Thousands of fans screamed back at her, including Ayumu, who sat a few rows away from the stage.
“This will be my final song tonight. A song I wrote after I heard about the comet that will appear tonight.” Ayumu did remember Setsuna mentioning how cool it was to see something that appeared in the sky once every century, but she didn’t expect her to create a song about it. “This is a song about shining brightly in the sky and flying through the starry sky while pursuing your dreams. I hope you enjoy it.”
Setsuna gripped the mic stand, then closed her eyes before looking straight at Ayumu and smiling. Then she stared upwards at the rest of the audience.
“This is ‘COMET.’” Ayumu smiled at the simple name, remembering Setsuna’s songs from their School Idol Club days.
The crowd roared again as the music started. The sounds of guitar, drums, and keyboard, sounds that leaned more towards rock than other idols’ music, rang out through the large speakers on the stage. Soon, Setsuna started to sing.
Ayumu listened closely to Setsuna. That was her favorite part of going to Setsuna’s lives. Ayumu had loved Setsuna’s voice ever since she first heard her in high school. It had so much power to it that it blew Ayumu away no matter how many times she heard Setsuna sing.
Then the lyrics started to hit Ayumu. And all of a sudden, despite being relatively close to Setsuna compared to the rest of the audience, Ayumu felt so far away from the stage.
A song about flying through the sky in order to chase your dreams, and in doing so, you surely will shine.
“It really suits Setsuna… but doesn’t suit me,” she thought as she watched Setsuna dance. The pit in her stomach grew larger as the spotlights shone down on Setsuna as she smiled widely. Then the chorus started, with more or less the same message. Setsuna was the one shining on stage, while Ayumu was just another person in the audience, basking the beautiful sight in front of her.
But that was it. She was just watching, not shining alongside her girlfriend. That feeling seemed to grow as Setsuna continued singing.
It’s not like Ayumu wanted to become an idol after high school, though. She loved performing and dressing up in cute outfits, sure. But that was someone else’s dream for her, and it only lasted through high school.
After high school is when she really had to confront her goals. What did she want to do? What was her passion? What got her up in the morning and kept her motivated throughout the entire day? She didn’t know the answer to all of those questions.
Ayumu, at the moment, was just drifting. She was working at a flower shop, and sure, she loved it, but she didn’t know if that was her calling. What about being a hairstylist, or fashion designer, or maybe pursuing singing again? She found it hard to pick a path, but knew she had to.
Setsuna always knew the answers for herself. Even after they started dating, Setsuna kept following her goals and dreams. Ayumu respected her so much for that, but would be lying if she said she didn’t feel the tiniest bit of envy.
Maybe she was complicating things. Maybe it was supposed to be simple. But it seemed really hard, trying to find the right path for herself.
All of those doubts and worries and fears were at their peak as she watched Setsuna burning with passion and life on the stage.
The song ended after an eternity, and the audience loved it and screamed for an encore. Ayumu did as well because it was what she was supposed to do. But part of her just wanted to leave and do something with her hands. Anything to put her attention to instead of thinking.
Setsuna came back on stage and sang her most popular song, and she was so beautiful to Ayumu. And the audience seemed to think so too by how they screamed.
Ayumu waited for Setsuna at the entrance of the stadium. But Setsuna was taking longer than anticipated. She got a call from her after a while.
“Hey, Pomu!”
“Where are you Setsu?”
“I might be a while. Everyone from the agency is talking about going to eat and drink. You can head home first.” Ayumu said nothing in response. “Pomu?”
“O-Okay. I’ll wait for you at the apartment then,” Ayumu said.
“See you soon. Love you.”
“Love you, too,” she responded, almost mechanically. It was fine. This was to be expected from one of her concerts.
But it didn’t help her already dwindling mood.
Ayumu got on a train and tried to focus on other things. She was unsuccessful at first, but heard others talking about the comet that would appear.
Apparently it would start shining sometime in the next hour and would remain in the sky for the next few weeks. Ayumu looked forward to seeing it. Then she realized that she might see it in the sky without Setsuna by her side, and that pit kept growing in her stomach.
The train pulled into her stop, and Ayumu got off and walked through the cold night to get to her apartment. She sat around for a while, checking her phone occasionally to see if she had gotten any messages from Setsuna. She hadn’t.
Instead of thinking more, Ayumu decided to do anything else. She picked up a scarf she had been knitting for the past few weeks in her free time, and it helped to distract her.
Then she got a few messages from their old club group chat. Kasumi was bragging about being the first one to take a picture of the comet in the sky. Ayumu walked out onto their balcony and looked up.
The comet had a large bluish white trail at its end and glowed in the sky and shone down upon Ayumu. It looked small in the distance, but much bigger than the stars in the sky. Ayumu stared at it and thought of Setsuna.
The lyrics of her song came to mind.
Ah, if only she could become a comet. One that could magically escape orbit and change directions and fly off to a star in the distance. No, even if she could do all of that, it would take an eternity to reach it. She could look all she wanted at the star that was incredibly far away from her, but that was about it.
But still, even if she could shine in the same sky as Setsuna, that would be enough.
“Would be, anyway,” she told herself as she kept looking up.
Setsuna found Ayumu on the couch in their apartment, focused on knitting. She thought nothing was wrong so she slid up to her and said she was home and listened to Ayumu’s half-hearted greeting. Ayumu was really absorbed, so she decided not to interrupt her until she was ready.
Eventually Ayumu noticed Setsuna staring at her and recoiled in her seat.
“Hey, Pomu,” Setsuna said with a smile.
“W-Welcome home.”
“So, how was I?” Setsuna’s eyes lit up in the darkness, and Ayumu couldn’t look away, no matter how much she wanted to.
“You were amazing up there, Setsu.”
“That’s what my producer said, too! We already started planning my next concert. We’re even thinking of a tour, if I get high enough on the billboards.” All Ayumu could do was hum in response.
Setsuna could tell something was wrong as she saw Ayumu look back at her scarf and fumble around with the needles. Setsuna watched her sigh, then wrapped her arms around Ayumu, who tensed up in response.
“What’s up?” Setsuna asked.
“Nothing. You were just… so… amazing.” Too amazing for Ayumu to handle.
“Pomu, there’s something wrong… I can tell.” Ayumu looked over and saw Setsuna looking at her with eyes that were worried and confused and glowing, and she didn’t know how to respond. “I can tell,” she repeated. And Ayumu broke in an instant.
The strong, amazing, beautiful Setsuna Yuki. Taking time out of her night to comfort Ayumu. Wasting her attention. Ayumu had to let her go.
“Nana,” Ayumu said. Setsuna hadn’t heard that name in a long time. “Do you want to move closer to your agency?”
“We just got this apartment. Together.” Setsuna hugged Ayumu more tightly, but Ayumu pushed her away and curled up in the corner of the couch. “It would be good for me, but what about the flower shop?” Ayumu just sighed. Setsuna thought more about it. “We can move, though. If you really want to.”
“Not ‘we.’ You.” Ayumu asked without looking back at Setsuna.
“I-I’m not sure I follow.”
“I don’t think we should live together anymore.” Ayumu’s heart sank while saying those words, but she knew it was the “right” thing to say. She wouldn’t dare look at Setsuna, though, who was hurt and confused and scared all at the same time. But it was for the best, Ayumu told herself.
“I… I like living with you, Pomu.”
“That’s not the point!” Ayumu finally looked at her. And she remembered how wonderful she was and how she looked on stage and thought again about how Setsuna was leaving her so far behind.
“I mean, look at you. You’ve always known what to do with your life. You shine so brightly on the stage surrounded by all your fans. Your career is starting to really take off. And what have I been doing? I’m still figuring things out, dating you, taking up your time… Do I even have the right to be loved by you?”
At that question Setsuna froze. Ayumu could only think she was right. That pit in her stomach became a black hole that threatened to suck her up entirely.
“Pomu… I couldn’t have done this without you,” Setsuna said after thinking for a long time.
“Yes you could have! You’re so incredible and amazing and successful. You would have done this no matter what.”
“No… that’s not what I mean.” Setsuna reached for Ayumu’s hand and caressed it. “You’ve always been there for me. You cheered me on when I was feeling down. You supported me when I felt things were too hard. That’s more than enough.”
Setsuna stroked Ayumu’s hair, slowly and gently. Ayumu didn’t know if all of that could even compare to how Setsuna had inspired and guided her.
“It’s not about having the right to be loved. I just love you.”
Ayumu brought her eyes up and looked at Setsuna, then turned away when Setsuna smiled.
“And... if I had to pick between you and becoming famous, I would choose you every time.”
“I don’t want that!” Setsuna again latched onto Ayumu, and Ayumu looked back at her. She was met with a fiery gaze.
“I’m not giving up on my dreams or on you, Pomu. And whenever you start to think of stuff like this, just know that you’re not holding me back. If anything… you’re pushing me forward.”
Setsuna really did have all the answers, huh? She always knew how to ease Ayumu’s worries and replace them with hope.
Setsuna’s words from the distant past came back to mind.
Ayumu would see this through to the end, not giving up along the way.
“Setsu…”
Ayumu trailed off and hugged Setsuna back. They held each other for a long time. Setsuna stroked her hand through Ayumu’s hair
“I’ll be right here, Pomu. Always.”
Ayumu thanked Setsuna silently, then out loud, then with a kiss.
“Oh! Let’s look at the comet together,” Setsuna said as she let go of Ayumu.
They walked onto the balcony, hand in hand. Setsuna gasped when she saw it shining in the sky. Ayumu watched as Setsuna’s hair blew in the wind and as her eyes glowed while looking up. She clenched Setsuna’s hand more tightly.
Oh, if she could become a comet, she wouldn’t change directions even if she had the ability to, Ayumu thought as she continued staring at Setsuna.
No, she’d stay orbiting the brilliant star that was right next to her the entire time.