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Kai Kamal Huening is a cheater.
Everyone knew how much he liked to come up with different strategies at Halli Galli, but he also tried to cheat at other games. This is why he was never made the banker at Monopoly, or why there’s always one person who had to keep an eye on him during Uno.
It was hard for his members to trust him, so Beomgyu always scolded the maknae, giving him punishments to make sure he didn’t cheat again.
“If you cheat again, you’re buying chicken for the members!”
“If you cheat again, you’re sleeping outside tonight.”
“If you cheat again, I might just kiss you!”
Kai would always wrinkle his nose, sigh in exasperation, and smile wickedly. “Fine, fine!”
The maknae always tried to win, but was always defeated by Beomgyu’s warnings. The older boy seemed to be the only one Kai would listen to.
The two are both very loud and rowdy when they were with the others but when they were alone together, there was peace, gentleness, and care. Over the years, they enjoyed playing with video games and Kai’s plushies together, eating and talking, and just genuinely grew accustomed to each other’s company.
Behind cameras, they were the real gums. At least, that’s what it seemed like to Beomgyu.
They were the pranksters of the group. They teased their members, even each other, and they found more enjoyment in it when they did it together. Kai was always more mischievous, always coming up with new tricks and games, and Beomgyu followed the maknae. That was one of their pastimes.
Kai was also a liar. He lied about a lot of things: whether the new outfit Yeonjun bought looked good on him or not, whether he believed facts Taehyun would tell them or not, whether Soobin should keep eating all his bread in one sitting or not. It was always just little things, nothing too major that would get him in trouble or hurt anyone’s feelings.
He sometimes lied about how he felt. He’d tell everyone he was fine but Beomgyu seemed to be the only one who could see that he wasn’t. One night when they were both alone, Kai had just broken down crying, as the older boy stroked his soft brown hair and rocked him gently. The stress of being an idol had to catch up to the youngest member sooner or later.
“Your hyung is here, Kai-ah.”
“Haha...I really can’t lie to you, Beomgyu-hyung.” He cuddled up against his hyung’s arms more. “Thank you.”
Beomgyu knew Kai, inside and out. Maybe that’s why he fell in love with him.
The younger boy was usually clingy to everyone and loved to give belly rubs. That was his love language. But Beomgyu really thought he was a special exception. The younger was always there for the older during times he needed it. Kai was his support system that provided words of encouragement and always knew just what to say. He was too precious of a boy and Beomgyu always found himself more protective of him than anyone else.
On Beomgyu’s coming-of-age day, he was surprised with roses and macarons, and he was even more surprised when they’d come from Kai. “Congratulations to my favorite hyung,” Kai said sweetly. It made the older blush as he thanked the maknae with a hug.
Macarons were acceptable, but roses? Did this mean something? You give red roses to people you like, right? Maybe Beomgyu was just overthinking it. But that day was when he really started reconsidering his feelings.
He’d always been protective of Kai, but he always had a strong, overwhelming feeling that made him want to hug the taller boy out of nowhere. When no one was looking, he’d hug the maknae from behind. Kai would chuckle and say, “Hello, Beomgyu-hyung~”. Beomgyu loved to dote over Kai, always fixing his hair and adjusting his clothes or accessories, but wasn’t it because he was playing the big brother role? Yet, there was something in the way Kai would say his name or call him hyung that made butterflies flutter in Beomgyu’s stomach, and soon he realized it.
Kai was more than just a little brother to him. Kai was his reason to live, the oxygen he breathes, and every good thing that could happen in his life. Kai was his angel sent from heaven, his breath of fresh air, his motivation and inspiration to keep going.
Beomgyu knew one day he’d have to tell him all of this.
But, he wasn’t ready yet and decided he needed to play it cool for now.
For a few more months, Beomgyu waited for the right moment but nothing felt right. Yeah, he had his alone moments with Kai but they were at nighttime after their day of practice. They’d usually sit on Kai and Taehyun’s bedroom floor, at the foot of Kai’s bed, munching on some snack.One night, it’d just been the two of them, and it was snowing so they were cuddled up under HueningKai’s blanket, scrolling through social media while they ate Honey Butter chips and grape juice. The tips of Beomgyu’s ears were very very red and he’d hoped the younger didn’t notice anything.
“Hey, hyung?” Kai suddenly asked.
“Yeah?”
“Random thought, you watched a lot of romance movies and shows in your time, right?”
The older blinked. “I mean, yeah…?”
“Me too. But yet, I haven’t really found a confession that really stuck with me.”
Beomgyu almost scoffed aloud. “I know exactly how you feel.”
“Really?”
“Oh yeah, it seems easy in the scenes but in reality, you never know when the right moment could be, whether you want to be vocal or keep it private… in the end, I think you really just have to be out with it and say everything you want to say in that right moment and tell them how you feel.”
“Huh…” Kai nodded slowly. “You’re right. What would be some of the things you’ll say to a person you’re confessing?”
Beomgyu couldn’t hide his blush and only prayed the younger didn’t see his face. “W-Well, off the top of my head...I’d tell the guy how he really means to me...that he’s the reason I can smile everyday and keep holding my head up high...that he keeps me from being stressed and keeps my spirits lifted...that he’s absolutely gorgeous and adorable no matter what he does and I could never imagine a life without him because God dammit it it would hurt like hell if he suddenly vanished…”
As he spoke, he found himself meeting Kai’s brown eyes. They were smaller than Beomgyu’s, but for some reason, the older could see the universe in them. Stars twinkled in Kai’s attentive orbs, and Beomgyu was melting. Under the blanket, his body felt like jello, but his mouth moved with passion as his heart drove it to keep talking. “I’d tell the guy everything. I’d tell him I love him and I’d never want to let him go.”
Kai’s lips pulled into a big bright smile. “You’re always so amazing when you speak, hyung. I love the way you talk, you always know just what to say.”
The black-haired boy chuckled. “I-it’s nothing.”
His heart suddenly stopped when he felt a pair of soft, warm lips press against his forehead. “You’ve always been there for me. I’m really grateful to have you in my life, hyung.”
The kiss was just like a peck, only lasted for two seconds. But it felt like someone had stamped coal on his hair and all Beomgyu felt was warmth. Warmth that spread all over his body and reached the very roots of his soul. He felt safe, he was home within a home, a crackling fire on that cold winter night. When he looked up at Kai, their faces were just inches apart, and Beomgyu wanted more than just that forehead kiss.
“Kai-ah…”
“We’re home!”
The other members arrived back to the dorm, and Kai leapt up from the blanket. “Hey guys!” He skipped out of the room and started pestering his hyungs on whether or not they’d stocked up on more snacks. Beomgyu wanted to curl back up in the blanket. The kiss on his head still lingered, and his whole face was glowing red, like the tomatoes he oh-so hated.
Damn Taehyun and his hyungs. He could’ve told Kai then and there. He’ll have to find another time again.
But the butterflies never ceased. Kai’s words...did they mean something? They had to. After Beomgyu’s own passionate speech, his words had the same hint of love, didn’t they?
When Beomgyu met the other members, Yeonjun had winked at him. Taehyun gave a thumbs up and raised an eyebrow, as if to ask, “All good?” The black-haired boy laughed dryly. No, no progress today…
Even still, though, Beomgyu felt a spark. Kai liked him back, didn’t he? Kai returned his feelings. He had to.
Their bond was different from the rest. That’s always what Beomgyu thought. And for a long time, he thought that was a good thing. He thought it meant hopes for them, hopes that one day they’d be together for real and they’d show that different kind of love to everyone else.
But he’d never been so wrong.
Maybe that’s all their love would ever be. That’s all Kai saw them as. Brotherly love, friendly love, platonic love. They had their different way of expressing their appreciation for one another, but that was all it was going to be. Kai’s love language was definitely giving belly rubs, sneaking into someone’s bed in the middle of the night, giving kisses on their cheek, clinging to their arm, hugging from behind, and everything he didn’t give Beomgyu on or off camera. The boy’s heart practically stopped the day Soobin walked in the dance studio with his hand in Kai’s, the maknae smiling wider than Beomgyu had ever seen him smile. Or made him smile.
“Guys...Kai-ah and I are dating!”
The room was deadly silent for two solid seconds before Yeonjun clapped and went forward. “That’s amazing!”
He hugged Kai first before hugging Soobin. Beomgyu felt a hand press against his back. Taehyun touched his hyung before going to hug Kai and Soobin as well. “We’re so happy for you.”
“Thank you Taehyunnie, Yeonjun-ssi~”
“Yeonjun-ssi AGAIN?! Even after getting into a relationship you still can’t--”
Of course. Of course Kai loved someone else. Of course there was nothing special about his love for Beomgyu. What was special about their relationship? Beomgyu should have expected it...or was really inclined to believe there was something more?
“Beomgyu?”
After a brief snap back to reality, the black-haired boy lifted his head and smiled his usual smile. Only Yeonjun and Taehyun could see the pain behind it. “Congrats, you guys!! Kai-ah, so this is why you were asking me about romance movies the other day~ I’m glad I helped somehow.”
Kai blushed - oh, he’d never blushed around Beomgyu before - and went to hug his hyung tightly. “Oh hyung~ Thank you so much! We love you guys.’
This hug. This hug that make Beomgyu feel like he’s on air. This hug that he loves so much, with these arms that he could stay in forever. They belong to someone else’s now.
“Just because we’re together now doesn’t mean we can slack off, okay? Come on, let’s start practice!”
Kai Kamal Huening was a cheater. At games, not at hearts. But why did Beomgyu feel like he’d taken his heart and stomped all over it?
What happened to all their moments? All their times they spent together? Were the cards really read all wrong? Did Beomgyu really think there was something between them that could have blossomed into something beautiful?
Or was Beomgyu really just a fool? He was usually the one called the dumbest in the group. He sure felt like it now.
Yet, when Kai pulled away to smile at his hyung, Beomgyu felt the butterflies all over again. The damned smile that he wanted to kiss last night. The damned smile that made Beomgyu smile in return. “Let’s go, hyung~”
The boy didn’t know what to feel now, especially when Kai went to hold Soobin hyung's hand again. Especially went Soobin went to kiss his new boyfriend's cheek. Especially when Kai kissed his lips in return. His emotions were all mixed up and there was no time to think about everything that happened in the past. It was time to work again.
In this game of love, it really seems like he lost. So Beomgyu can only congratulate the winner.
“Hyung?”
“Beomgyu, are you alright?”
“Taehyunnie...Yeonjun hyung...I really thought...”
“It’s okay baby bear…”
“Why does it feel like... He wasn’t even my boyfriend to begin with but…”
“Just breathe, hyung.”
“Kai-ah...you were never mine...I shouldn’t be angry...but screw you for making me feel this way.”