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Penelope would never grow used to entering a ballroom on Colin’s arm. She was certain.
Her heart would race and she could not stop beaming as she took in the room in all its shining brilliance, filled with music and colour and life, all the brighter now she was by his side. And then the room started to take her in and her heart would race for a different reason entirely.
The months following Colin’s announcement of Lady Whistledown’s identity had seen Penelope thrown into the spotlight - as they knew it would, of course. But as it had turned out, there was less scorn and derision from the ton than they had feared. Instead, Penelope found herself the centre of attention and congratulated on her wit and cleverness. For every whisper and disapproving look cast her way, there was one of admiration and pleasant surprise. Certainly her being part of the Bridgerton family had been advantageous in that. But it did not make the attention any easier for Penelope to bear, having spent so much of her life relegated to observing from afar.
But, while she still drew attention, life moved on. Some other scandal caused whispers and excitement and Penelope was pleased to find that as the months went on, the attention paid to her dwindled. She was never granted the obscurity she once had, of course. Even without her secret identity being revealed, she was a Bridgerton now.
On one such evening, Penelope found herself (as she had so often in her life) standing with the chaperones and spinsters. It was where she felt most comfortable when Colin was not by her side at these events and Colin was at that moment in animated discussion with his brother Benedict (on a rare visit to town to meet with a gallery owner) and another gentleman (the presumed gallery owner). Penelope watched him from across the ballroom with a small smile on her face. How many times had she stood thus in her life, blending in away from the dancefloor, watching Colin Bridgerton.
“Mrs Bridgerton.” Someone nodded in greeting as they passed and Penelope blinked, taking a few moments to remember that she was in fact the ‘Mrs Bridgerton’ being acknowledged. Not that she often forgot it these days but she had been caught up in memories and, if not nostalgia then, something.
She didn’t wish for their time over again. She never saw much use in thinking of ‘what ifs’. What if her secret had come out sooner? What if Colin had realised his feelings years ago? What if he had not followed her that day to the church and found her out (or kissed her after)?
Their experiences had shaped them both. If not for Penelope, Colin might not be on his way to being a published author. If not for Colin’s return from his travels and beginning his friendship with Penelope, she might never have given up Lady Whistledown. But he had and she was happy. Tremendously happy.
But there was something about the evening that was making Penelope think about the past more than she had in a very long time. But she was content. Of course, the news that she was, as yet, still to share with her husband was making her even more content. They had agreed, no more secrets ever. But this was different and Penelope allowed herself a smile as she thought of it, smoothing down her dress and standing a little straighter as she observed Colin excuse himself from the conversation with his brother and the other gentleman, and make his way over to her.
Even from across the room she could see his green eyes were full of delight.
“You look happy.” Penelope remarked when he was close enough to hear her without her having to raise her voice too much.
“I am.” Colin grinned, taking her hand. “Come, let’s dance.”
“Are you not going to tell me what has you so giddy?” Penelope asked after they had made one turn of the dancefloor in companionable silence. He blinked down at her in surprise.
“Am I giddy? I hadn’t realised.” He released a happy sigh but still revealed nothing.
“Have you had happy news from Benedict?” Penelope asked, anticipating an announcement of a new niece or nephew on the way perhaps.
“Well, we spoke more of him doing some illustrations for the book, but that’s not it.” He winked down at her.
“A mystery then…” Penelope pursed her lips. “Is it-”
“Penelope.” He interrupted her gently. “I’m simply enjoying an evening with my wife.”
Her eyes narrowed in suspicion but when no look of mirth came to his eyes as it so often did when he was teasing, she realised he was telling the truth. He grinned at her suspicion.
“I’ve been remise, actually.” He admitted, looking over the top of her head.
“How so?”
“I let Benedict distract me when I had a very specific aim for this evening.”
Penelope only raised an eyebrow at him. When she didn’t rise to his bait he chuckled.
“Are you enjoying your evening?” He asked, suddenly changing the subject and looking down at her.
Penelope nodded, only after narrowing her eyes and deciding he wasn’t going to give anything more away.
“I’m sorry I was so long with Benedict.” His serious tone caught her attention.
“What do you mean? Why shouldn’t you enjoy a conversation with your brother?”
“I left you alone.”
Penelope gave an unladylike snort. “Colin, I can survive you leaving my side for five minutes.”
But he didn’t share her smile.
“What?” She blinked up at him.
“It’s just...I saw you standing there off to the side as-” he cut himself off.
“As I’ve always done?” Penelope finished for him.
“Well, yes, I suppose.” He looked rather sheepish. “And I realised just how many dances I’ve missed with you, all these years.”
Penelope looked up at him with unreadable, large eyes. “Do you know what I was thinking about? I was looking at you across the ballroom, thinking about how if it hadn’t been for all those missed dances, we might not have this now.”
Colin’s mouth fell open, hoping to say something but realising he did not know how to respond to that. Instead he tightened his arm around her in a wordless gesture and she squeezed his shoulder in response.
“All the same, I want to make up for all of those missed dances. Now.”
“Now?”
“Well maybe we can’t fit them all into one night, but I do plan on exhausting you before we’re home.” He paused, letting his eyes linger on the neckline of her gown before meeting her gaze again, knowing his desire would be evident. “Maybe not completely exhausted.”
“Colin!” Penelope admonished him with a gasp. Though no one could hear them, she was still mortified whenever he flirted so blatantly in public and it only made him chuckle. “You’re terrible.
Seeing that she was already embarrassed, he didn’t voice that another reason for his mission was that he simply liked the feel of his wife in his arms, enjoying herself immensely, and the dance floor was the only place he could do that in public.
The music came to an end and Colin caught her hand before Penelope could step away. “Where do you think you’re going?”
Penelope tilted her head to the side and said, “you weren’t serious, were you?”
“Of course!” He pulled her close again, taking both her hands in his.
“Colin, I’ve told you before I don’t want you to feel like you have to make up for anything.”
“And I’ve told you , I ask you to dance because I want to dance with you”.
"Very well, but when my feet ache tomorrow it will be you that I expect to rub them." Penelope raised her chin and allowed him to lead her into another dance.
She managed one more waltz before she asked Colin quietly if they might stop. He grew serious at once, leading her off the floor with his hand warm on the small of her back.
"Are you alright?"
"You did tire me out, rather." She gave him a weak smile but the concern did not leave his face.
"Shall we go home?" He asked and she responded with a nod.
Not fifteen minutes later they were in their carriage heading for home. Colin sat beside Penelope on the bench, his arm around her. She had her head resting on his shoulder and her eyes were closed, though Colin did not think she was yet asleep.
"I didn't mean to wear you out quite so much." He said quietly. She smiled to herself.
"I know. Perhaps I should have eaten more at dinner, I do feel a little faint."
Colin cleared his throat, slightly embarrassed. He was always too focused on his own appetite to worry about anyone else's and notice how much or little they ate. And he was still learning what it was to look out for another's well being in such an intimate way.
"I'll ask them to make us some sandwiches when we get home."
"I don't-" Penelope caught herself with a yawn. "I don't want to put them out. It's late."
"My darling, food requests at any hour from me are never a surprise." He kissed the top of her head and they remained silent the rest of the journey.
Home at last in Bedford Square, Colin had asked the footman to arrange for some sandwiches to be sent up (as Colin had predicted, the staff did not seem surprised by such a request at the late hour) and by the time Penelope had emerged from her dressing room and her maid sent downstairs, they had arrived.
“They’ve sent up tea too.” Colin gestured to the tray that had been set out with a plate of sandwiches piled high, he was already working on his first. He had not changed yet but his boots had been pulled off and his cravat was loose. Penelope nodded, making an effort not to stare at him because she couldn’t deny that when he looked slightly mussed with a loose cravat, he managed to make her knees more than a bit weak.
But Colin caught her heated look and smirked, sauntering towards her.
“You always look so lovely when you let your hair down, darling.” He kept his voice low, knowing it always made her blush. He had come up behind her while she fussed with the tea, his half eaten sandwich still in hand but largely forgotten (which was really testament to how much he enjoyed the sight of his wife in her nightgown). He leaned down and pressed a kiss to her shoulder.
"Are you really so very tired?" Colin asked with a sly smile, pressing another kiss to her neck this time. Penelope's eyes fluttered closed a moment before-
“Oh.”
The smell made her stomach roll.
"Oh no!" Her eyes snapped open and she scurried back into her dressing room, shutting the door firmly behind her. Colin made chase in alarm.
"Penelope?" He thumped on the door and tried the handle. But she had pressed herself up against it and was taking deep, steadying breaths to will away the nausea.
"Penelope, open the door, what's wrong?"
"The-the sardines. The smell-" She took another deep breath. "Can you get rid of it, please?"
Colin looked helplessly at the door then down to the sandwich in his hand before cramming the rest of it into his mouth.
"It's gone!" She heard him call, hearing his mouth was full and she breathed out a laugh.
How odd, Colin thought, as he chewed the rest of the sandwich and swallowed. Penelope had never had an aversion to sardines before. He crossed the room to pick up the plate, intent on depositing it in the hall so that the smell would be gone by the time she came back out. He would have taken the whole tray but he thought she might want some tea and a biscuit at least. He did, at any rate.
And not even the sardines themselves! Colin thought. Just the smell of them was enough to make her feel sick. They were perfectly good sardines after all. After leaving the plate on the floor outside the bedroom, Colin returned and closed the door behind him. Leaning back against it, he frowned.
He remembered Anthony telling him that one day Kate had gone off lamb, and even all these years later she still did not eat it. But that had been back when-
Penelope emerged slowly from the dressing room and Colin blinked in surprise at the sight of her, letting his gaze drift over her. There wasn’t that same lust from before; it was curiosity and to assess if she was well. She didn’t look any different, except maybe a shade too pale.
She had been tired, Colin reminded himself. And she hadn’t eaten dinner.
"Penelope...is there something you need to tell me?"
"Hmm?" She made her way over to sit on the edge of the bed and Colin pushed himself away from the door.
"Any news you would like to share ?" He crossed the room in long strides until he could kneel in front of her.
Penelope could not contain her smile and as Colin searched her face. He covered her fidgeting hands with his own.
“Are we having a baby?” He asked quietly.
“I believe we are, yes.” She whispered, watching Colin’s face light up at her words.
He leapt upon her with a joyful cry, flattening her on the mattress.
“Oof!” Penelope gasped and he scrambled off of her again.
“Sorry.” He muttered, sitting beside her rather than sprawled on top of her. He took her hand again. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”
“I wasn’t sure but I am now.” Her smile was warm and he didn’t think he could possibly love her more. He brought her hand up to press a kiss to it.
“You’re beautiful, have I told you that?” His heart was soaring. She was paler than usual but her smile was wide and her eyes bright and she was so very, very beautiful. “Our children are going to be as lovely as you.”
“With your appetite, no doubt.” She teased and his heart did a little skip thinking of them - their children.
“But no more sardines?”
Penelope wrinkled her nose and shook her head. Colin smiled and leaned in to kiss her, before he jerked back, his eyes wide with horror.
“What is it?” She looked at him in alarm.
“I didn’t mean to wear you out with all the dancing.”
Penelope’s shoulders slumped in relief and she let out a laugh. “I’m not about to collapse in a heap because we danced a handful of times.”
“Still, I think it’s best we limit it to two while you’re in such a condition.” Colin shook his head and stood. “Tea?”
“Please.” Penelope nodded and pulled her legs up onto the bed, leaning back against the headboard with a contented sigh. When Colin returned he passed the cup and saucer to a grateful Penelope and sat down again, pulling her feet into his lap.
“What are you doing?”
“I believe I promised my wife a foot rub.” Colin’s grin was mischievous and Penelope began to laugh as he tickled her foot instead.
“If I spill this, I’m blaming you!”
And Colin found he didn’t care as long as she kept laughing.