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2:00am. Crumpled in the hallway. I haven’t slept, my eyes stinging from exhaustion and tears. Alone. How pathetic… I stumble to the kitchen for a glass of water, and in my fatigue and haste I smash the glass onto the floor.
Just as I turned, a force lifted me into the air, clenching my throat… I can’t breathe… “What the fuck are you doing?” The man I had awoken says in shock, staring up at me. I gasp for air as he drops me to the floor, realising he has mistaken me for an intruder. “I’m sorry I woke you, Ryū. Just go back to sleep” My meagre attempt to hide how I’ve been crying is futile. He isn’t stupid. “Get up. You look pitiful.” His eyes bore into me. I can’t look him in the eye, not like this. “Goodnight…” My voice lowers as I start wandering back to my room, but instead, I stagger and collapse onto Akutagawa. The weak man narrowly manages to support my weight with Rashōmon, almost falling with me. “Tch, what is with you tonight? Have you always been this clumsy?” Akutagawa coughs, catching his breath. I can feel my eyes swell again and I shut them tight, unyielding. He can’t see me like this, I look so weak. So miserable. Just as I am thinking this, I catch that I have unconsciously been clinging to him, and I look at him. His usual emotionless expression is softened by his drowsiness. He sighs in annoyance and drags me with him back to his room. Gently, he lays down as I curl up on the other side of his bed.
“I’m so weak, Ryū. I can’t handle living like this, I should just die. You should just kill me.” I breathe, palms covering my face.
“Do you really want your life to end without meaning?”
“I do. How can I live with these memories always resurfacing? With this pain?”
“Let it motivate you. Live for those who can’t, who were left behind. Direct this pain towards your goals. I know you’re strong enough.”
Taking some deep breaths, I reflect on this. I know that there is a part of his own past hidden in his words, but I don’t press about it.
“Can I stay with you, until I sleep?” I ask, but Akutagawa has already nodded off, his soft snores echoing through the night.
Tomorrow is another day.