Work Text:
A Phone Call
Ring ring, ring ring…
“Hello?”
“Aziraphale, it’s me.”
“Crowley! Oh, good heavens, it’s you. I can’t tell you how good it is to hear your voice.”
“Yeah, likewise. Listen…”
“Oh, how I’ve missed you, my dear boy.”
“Yeah, well… listen…”
“Don’t get me wrong, it was splendid, having the bookshop all to myself, with no customers and… well, all the cakes I baked and… really, I had a lovely time, for a while.
But…”
“Angel.”
“But I admit, it was starting to get a little bit lonely. So…”
“ANGEL!”
“…”
“Sorry, didn’t mean to yell at you. Just… for heaven’s… for hell’s… for anyone’s sake, what the blazes is going on?”
“Oh, well…”
“I wake up, and it’s January! Not July. Why is it January?”
“Oh, that’s right. You missed Christmas. Oh, and happy new year, my dear!”
“Ngah! Happy new year. Not bloody likely! It’s worse than Hell! The bloody pandemic is still going on! How is it possible that it’s still not over?”
“Oh, well. Yes.”
“How bad is it, Angel?”
“Oh, Crowley. It’s bad. It’s really bad. The humans, they are suffering so much. People are dying all over the world! And it’s getting worse and worse.”
“They still haven’t thought of a treatment?”
“Oh, no. They have. Humans are clever like that. They’ve created a vaccine, but, well, you see, it takes time to make it. And money, and… well, delivering it to all the people… you know how many people there are in the world. It’s just taking so much time. And then, of course, there’s the mutations.”
“Ngkh, what? Mutations?”
“Yes. The virus, well… different mutations are spreading. Worse, and more dangerous than the original. I don’t know how it’s possible.”
“Huh, looks like the humans are not the only clever ones.”
“Exactly. I don’t know what She’s thinking, allowing something like this to happen.”
“Haven’t asked Her, have you?”
“No, I haven’t. Yet. But I have a mind to do it.”
“Errr, better not, Angel. You know, the Almighty…”
“Works in mysterious ways, I know. I just don’t see what good could possibly come off this.”
“Hhmm, yeah, neither do I, so… anyway. Nothing’s really changed then? People are still in Lockdown?”
“Oh, yes. Everyone is supposed to stay at home, isolated, as little contact as possible…”
“So, I haven’t missed much.”
“No, my dear.”
“Should’ve stayed asleep then.”
“Yes, that’s why I… well, errr.”
“Errr?”
“Errr, you know, you could always go back to sleep.”
“Nah, I’m awake now. Need to stretch my legs and all. But, you know, Angel. I wonder why I woke up now, with no alarm and nothing. It was turned off.”
“Oh, errr…”
“You wouldn’t have anything to do with that, huh?”
“Me? No!”
“Because I know for sure that I set the alarm for July.”
“Yes, you did. Oh, no. I mean, you did?”
“Yes, I did. Angel?”
“Oh dear.”
“Angel, how do you know I set the alarm?”
“Because… because you said so.”
“Aziraphale.”
“Oh, alright, alright! I saw it. I saw the alarm clock when I accidentally visited. I’m sorry, dear. Don’t be angry.”
“D… nghk, I’m not… why would I be angry? And what do you mean, you accidentally visited? How can you visit someone accidentally?”
“Well, you see…”
“Yeah?”
“I was… well, I’d eaten all the cake I’d baked, and I’d read all the books in my bookshop, and then… I got bored. And lonely. And it got me thinking about you. You know, about what you said, the last time we spoke on the phone. How you wanted to come over, spend the Lockdown here, together. I shot you down then and… well, I’d come to regret it terribly. I missed you, you know. And, well, it seems that I missed you so much that I… well, one day I accidentally miracled myself over to your flat.”
“You what?”
“I found myself in your flat, just like that. It was an accident. I didn’t mean to. I just… well. There I was, and there you were, sound asleep.”
“Angel, why didn’t you wake me?”
“Oh, no. I couldn’t. I couldn’t bother you. You looked so peaceful, my dear. So… content. You’ve never looked more beautiful. I couldn’t disturb you.”
“Ngkh, beauti…?”
“Well, yes. Beautiful. So, I thought ‘Let at least one Being get something good out of this mess. Let him be at peace’. So, I… well, if you must know, I disabled your alarm, so that nothing would disturb your peace.”
“When was this?”
“Last June. I’m so sorry, dear.”
“Never mind. It was an accident, like you said.”
“It was. That time. I… oh.”
“That time? What? How… Angel, how many times have you come by?”
“Errr. Well… ahem, not that many, really. Just… I don’t know, two, or three… hundred?”
“What?”
“It wasn’t every day, I swear. Only every other day or so. I’m sorry, Crowley.”
“Every other day or so, you miracled yourself into my flat? Despite the Lockdown?”
“Oh, that. Well, I wasn’t really out and about, you see. No harm done.”
“Right. Yes. But, how come I never noticed? I never woke up?”
“I was quiet. I didn’t do anything, I just looked. I just watched you sleep. You know, from the doorway. Or, well, the foot of the bed. Or, well, right beside you. But I never disturbed you. I didn’t do anything. Well, almost…”
“Almost? What?”
“Well, today, I…”
“What did you do? Is that why I woke up? What did you do?”
“Nothing, nothing bad. Really, I… I just… you looked so… I couldn’t help myself. I had to.”
“What? Angel, what…?”
“I… I kissed you.”
“Ngkh, errr…”
“On the cheek, nothing more. Just a peck really.”
“Oh.”
“You sound disappointed.”
“What? No, I… errr, ahem, I’m… I’m, well, at least now I know why I woke up.”
“I’m sorry, dear. I shouldn’t have…”
“No, it’s… it’s alright.”
“It’s not. I invaded your privacy, I took liberties while you were sleeping, I…”
“You’re right. That was… Well, next time I’d prefer you taking liberties while I’m awake.”
“You…”
“Anyway, not much chance for that, eh? What with the lockdown and you not wanting to break the rules… you wanna set a good example, right?”
“Ah, yes. About that.”
“Yeah?”
“You know, there’s this wonderful thing, the people in Belgium established it. A strategy of sorts, to prevent increasing loneliness. Or was it the Swedes? Danish? No, I think it was the Belgians. Well, it doesn’t really matter who it was. It’s… well, I think it’s marvelous. You see, according to them, to stay sane and healthy, you are allowed one person to be your ‘Knuffel Partner’.
“Your what?”
“Knuffel Partner. It means, well, someone to be close to. Just one, mind you. To… cuddle and… stuff.”
“One’s all I want.”
“So…”
“Angel, are you asking me to be your Knuffel partner?”
“I… yes, I believe I am. What do you say?”
“I say: ‘When can I come’?”
“How about… now? Oh, and… could you bring a case of wine or two? I’ve had to miracle bottles from France for the last week or so. I think it’s your turn now.”
“Done. See you soon, Angel.”
“Yes, well, lovely. See you soon, Crowley.”
The End