Work Text:
" The isolation spreads and tears, those happy days pierce into me. "
Sapnap remembers. He remembers the days he and Dream would run around wheat fields, he remembers the gentle glow of the sun burning his skin. He remembers when the only wars he’d have to fight in was lego wars and the only sides he had to choose was the humans or the zombies.
However, what he doesn’t remember is the day Dream started changing. He scoured his brain often, trying to remember the moment he felt the person he knew for so long fade into a new man.
He knew people became different as they got older. He wasn't stupid.
But it still hurt.
He remembers the thrill he felt when it was him, Dream and George against the world. He remembers the slight smoke smell, the clanging of swords, the electric spike in his heart that coursed through him in waves. The chaos was welcoming, even if he knew it wasn’t the most morally right thing for him to do. It wasn’t that he didn’t care, but his rule was simple- whatever Dream does, he does.
It was always for Dream. Every course he took, every action he made was for him. His purpose was to be the bold-faced warrior Dream had convinced everyone he was. He had to live up to his name. For him.
He remembers talking to tommy once.
"When Dream was real mad at you he said he didn’t- he said he didn’t care about anything. But surely he cares about me right? You think?"
Silence.
"Right Tommy? Surely he does, right?"
"He cares about George, if that makes you fee any better."
He told Tommy then that it was okay that Dream didn’t care about him, that he was fine with it. It wasn’t a lie- he was desperate, desperate for some kind of love too fill his imposter syndrome and his blurred, burning memories.
The empty void grew in his stomach, and there was nothing he could do about it but cling onto Dream and try to impress him in hopes he would keep him around a little longer.
Desperate.
He was so desperate, it was almost funny.
"Are you gonna say something?" Dream said blankly.
Sapnap forgot how they even managed to get in this position. Dream was pushed against a grassy hill, Sapnap awkwardly hovering over him and balling his shirt in his fist to keep him there. The only light there was is the gentle glow of a moon and distant glowstone.
"Why?"
"Why what?" Dream tilted his head. "Are you going to get all baby on me? Sapnap, one of the worlds toughest warriors, is upset about some guy ditching him?"
Sapnap didn’t reply. He didn’t want to give him that satisfaction.
"What made me so replaceable?"
Dream sighed, clearly annoyed. "Why are you taking it so personally? You know I do this to everyone, right?"
"I don’t care, I don’t-" Sapnap huffed, trying to hold it together, "I’m not just anyone, Dream. We grew up together. Is that all you’ve ever thought of me as? Another fucking lapdog?"
"So what if I did? The past is in the past, Sapnap. Let it go. I’ve moved on."
"You’re fucking... sick, you’re so fucking sick,” Sapnap looked away. "Why can’t you have any sort of empathy for anyone!? What the fuck is wrong with you?!" Sapnap’s grip on dreams shirt tightened.
Dream stayed silent.
"Reply to me! Just reply you, you-" His voice started to quiver, his hands trembling.
"You what?" Dream chirped.
And then he fell apart. His body was still hanging over Dream’s, one of his arms on his side and the other still on Dream’s shirt. His head was slightly pressed into the ground beside Dream.
"It’s not fair... It’s not fair...!" Sapnap whined. He hated the feeling of vulnerably. "You like George more than me, even though I’ve known you longer. I don’t have anything, Dream, I don’t have anything else, please just take me in again, I promise I’ll be the best right hand man you’ve ever had I-"
"Shh," Dream cooed, tauntingly. "I’m sorry Sapnap," he took Sapnap’s hand off his chest, "But you’ve served your purpose." Dream slid out from under him.
Now, he towered above him, and through a grin that Sapnap will never forget, Dream mumbled, "It was never meant to be."