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Hugh’s head felt like it was about to explode, as if it just couldn’t hold everything he had been trying to stuff into it in the past few weeks. Thinking of the exam next morning brought dread, but also relief to finally be done with it.
The doorbell rang. A part of him was annoyed to be interrupted, another was excited to get a break and his first face to face interaction of the day. As he stood up and his back straightened he felt the tension in his shoulders and neck. He sighed at himself and went to open the door.
“Dinner?”, Paul smiled at him. A full backpack was hanging around his shoulder, undoubtedly filled with amazing ingredients, he was wearing soft clothes, prepared for a comfortable evening. He was the sweetest guy Hugh knew and the best cook too and to say that Hugh was tempted was the understatement of the century, but he had to say no.
“I’m sorry, Paul.”, he sighed. “I hate to turn you down, but distraction is just not what I need right now at all. I’m still studying and...”
Paul held up both hands to stop him.
“I know. I brought my own work, I just thought you might like some food and silent company.”, he said tipping his head to the side.
Hugh hadn’t even considered that there might be a way to stop this evening from being nothing but draining and anxiety filled, but now that Paul had suggested it, silent company was exactly what Hugh needed.
“I’d love that.”, he smiled stepping aside, to let Paul in.
“Great. Are you hungry yet?”, he asked, stepping out of his shoes to make his way straight to the kitchen. Hugh followed and leaned against the doorframe.
“Not yet, but I’m sure I will be when you’re done.” He hadn’t eaten a lot, but had also been too busy to really feel hungry.
“I’ll get started then.”, Paul smiled, starting to unpack.
He brought a cloud of comfort and the smell of tea with him. His hair was fluffier than usually, probably freshly washed, clearly free of product by how it was bouncing around with every movement. His sweater was one he usually didn’t wear outside of his home, it was one that he had told Hugh he had owned for years. The hundreds of wash cycles and days worn had left their marks but made it his favourite and most comfortable sweater.
“No distraction here.”, Paul chuckled and Hugh suddenly realized he had been staring. “Go, you have things to do.”, Paul said, shaking his head and smiling to himself as he turned his attention back to the food.
Hugh did so. As much as he would love to just sit and chat with Paul he couldn’t. Still Paul’s presence was nice. The house felt completely different with a friend around and it was easier to concentrate again.
Hugh barely noticed time passing until his stomach rumbled. The reaction was no doubt caused by the wonderful smell that had made its way into his office. Now that he had noticed the smell he had to go to check on Paul.
Paul was intently plating pasta. “Can you read minds?”, he asked without looking up.
“I can read smells.”, he replied. “Can I help you?”
“Oh, I would have brought it to you.“
“No, let’s have dinner together at the table. I could need a break.”
“Of course. Then we could need drinks.”
“I have that lemonade from the little corner store.” Hugh offered.
“Wonderful! Do you have apple-mint?”
“Mmmh...” He had to check the fridge first. “You’re lucky! Last one.”, he smiled.
“Thanks!”
Paul placed the beautifully plated pasta on the table and made the rounds for cutlery and napkins while Hugh opened the lemonades.
Finally they both sat and chinked bottles.
“Cheers.”
Hugh took a moment to marvel at the look and smell of Paul’s perfect cooking. Pasta with creamy sauce, zucchini and salmon.
His eyes closed with the first bite. He took a deep breath and hummed.
It was so good. Hugh liked cooking but he rarely ever put as much love, time and attention into it as Paul. Paul knew exactly how to transform simple ingredients into a dish that tasted like it belonged into a five star restaurant. Better than that actually. There was something magical about Paul’s meals that always made Hugh feel warm and content.
“This is so good, Paul.”, he said with all the thankfulness he could put in such simple words. “It’s just…” He was at a loss for words. “This is perfect, I can’t tell you how nice this is making this day. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”, he smiled. He beamed about Hugh’s reaction but also seemed to think Hugh was being a bit silly. Hugh didn’t mind. In his opinion there wasn’t such a thing as being too happy about someone being sweet.
“So how is the studying going?”, Paul asked, digging into his own food.
“Good. I think.”, Hugh said. “I mean I’m really just reading through everything now. It’s both comforting and stressful to see how much I actually remember.”
“But you’re generally feeling confident?”
Hugh wiggled his head indecisively while he was chewing.
“I think so. I think I’m prepared well enough to at the very least pass.”
“I’m sure you’ll ace it as always.” Paul said.
“I’d love to ace it.”, Hugh sighed.
“You’ll have to so it’ll fit in with all your other amazing grades. All As and Bs, right?”
“One C.”, Hugh admitted. “I’m better than a C at it but you know. Time is tight, studying is stressful.”
“I know.”, Paul smiled understandingly. “Your last semester was brutal.”
“It was exhausting, but not the worst I’ve had. By now I’m good enough at organizing and prioritizing to make things the least stressful they have to be.”
“I mean you had to. This semester was challenging enough while being organized.”
“Don’t commiserate me.”, Hugh said, shaking his head at him with a smile.
“I’m not. I’m just saying that I see how hard you worked for this and that I admire you for it and that I- that you should be proud of yourself.”, he finished, poking his pasta.
“Thank you.”, Hugh smiled. “I know you do.”
He looked so forward to this being over. The great food and Paul’s support made him feel warm and comfortable but also made him realize how drained he was. He could have fallen asleep right then and there.
“What did you bring to work on?”, he asked instead.
“A bunch of notes from lab that I have to order and put into form.”
“You got to do lab work? Remind me to ask you about that tomorrow, I want to hear all about it.”
“I will, I’ve been waiting to tell you about it.”, Paul grinned.
“I’ll love to hear.”
“I know.”
They didn’t talk a lot for the rest of the meal, just enjoyed the food and each other’s company. Hugh wanted to help clean up but Paul insisted he would do it himself and that Hugh should spend his time studying. He was right, so Hugh listened to him and got back to work.
Paul later joined him in the study, making himself comfortable on the couch.
When Hugh at some point turned around to look at him, Paul was engrossed in his work. His notes were spread out over half of the couch, his legs were pulled up, the laptop rested on them. He worked with concentration but without stress and somehow it rubbed off on Hugh.
The soft tapping of keys and occasional turning of pages made for a comfortable ambient noise and somehow Paul’s whole presence brought… something good.
At one point Paul got up and returned with tea.
He placed the steaming cup in the little free space on Hugh's desk, and a hand on his back.
“How are you?”
Hugh took a moment to pay attention to himself and figure out how he actually felt.
“I’m exhausted.”
“You look exhausted. You should try and get as much sleep as you can.”, Paul said gently rubbing his back.
"I know. I just have one chapter left that I should really look into again and I think after that I'll have to call it a day."
"Sounds like a plan.", Paul smiled, lightly squeezing his shoulder.
"When are you going home?", Hugh asked.
"Whenever you want me to. I thought you might want me to stay over to help with your anxiety of oversleeping and I could make you breakfast. But if you want more peace and quiet, I understand that too and I’ll go home soon.”
“You can stay over if you’d like to.”
“I’d like to.”, Paul replied.
“Though it feels rude to have someone over and not pay any attention to them.”, he admitted. It had been bothering him for a while already.
“I don’t, I knew what to expect from today.”, Paul smiled, sliding his hand off Hugh’s back to get back to his nest on the couch. “You really can’t stand someone just doing something nice for you, it always has to be you who gives.”, he chuckled, shaking his head at Hugh.
“That’s not true.”, Hugh protested, turning around to continue the conversation. “You’re not doing one nice thing, you’re doing two dozen nice things in a row!”
“You’re saying that as if you hadn’t done that for me before. You do a loft of nice things for me, I do a lot of nice things for you. We care about each other.”
“We do.”, Hugh agreed.
“And because I care about you so much, I am now telling you to go back to studying.”
Hugh laughed.
"Thank you."
"Always.", Paul grinned.
So Hugh pushed through the last two chapters. As the page numbers went he became more and more excited to finally go to bed. If he was being honest with himself, he didn't really comprehend the last few pages. He just looked over them for a moment before closing the book and dropping it onto the table as if it had bitten him.
He couldn't stand studying for a second longer. Only when he looked at the clock he realized he'd taken quite a bit longer than expected.
He let out a heavy sigh, breathing out some of the pressure that had been constricting his chest.
He turned to see Paul looking at him sympathetically.
"Done?"
Hugh nodded, closing his eyes to give them just a short break. "Finally."
"Good job.", Paul smiled. He reached for his cup, only remembering it was long empty when he picked it up. He also sighed a little, before standing up to pick up Hugh's too and bring them to the kitchen.
Hugh stood up to walk around the room and stretch. Now he wanted nothing more than to go for a late night run or at least a walk, but it was already later than he had planned going to bed at. He had to sleep.
“You okay?”, Paul asked, leaning in the door frame.
“Yeah, just...” He rubbed his eyes and waved it off with the other hand.
“I know.”, he said with an understanding smile. Hugh walked over to stand closer to him. He didn't really know why, his body just led him there.
Paul looked at him warmly and reached out to squeeze his arm.
"It'll be fine.", he promised.
“I know. Thank you. Uhm… do you…Can I just…?”
Hugh leaned in for a hug and Paul welcomed him. God, human contact was nice. Hugh hadn’t realized how much he had isolated himself in the last two weeks until now. He couldn’t recall the last time he had hugged someone, it had to be at least a week ago which was definitely too long.
Paul’s hugs were great. Warm, tight, and if you asked Hugh usually too short. Today though Paul seemed to be feeling different, or maybe just sensing how much Hugh needed contact, because he held him instead of squeezing him for a moment like he usually did.
Hugh let his cheek drop onto the other’s shoulder and closed his eyes. He would be perfectly fine falling asleep right here and now.
“Thank you, Paul.”, he said once again. Without Paul around he would probably have been feeling extremely anxious right now. But around him he felt okay, even now.
“Of course.”, Paul said, rubbing his back.
Hugh decided to take it as a sign to let go. He didn’t want to stress Paul, especially since he seemed to let Hugh decide when he wanted to let go.
“I can’t tell you how much I needed this.”, he said honestly, as he stepped back.
“I can tell.” Paul chuckled. “Go to bed.”, he added softly.
Hugh nodded. “I am. What about you?”
“I’ll stay up a little longer and finish what I’ve been working on.”, he said, gesturing at his nest of papers.
"Don't be too long."
"I won't.", he promised sitting down. "Wouldn't want to keep you up."
"You couldn't if you tried, I'll sleep as soon as I hit the pillow.", Hugh laughed. "Besides, your typing and paper rustling is better than any white noise machine."
Paul laughed but it was true.
Hugh left the bedroom door ajar because of it. But also to make extra sure the noise of it opening when Paul joined wouldn't wake him up. Hugh's couch was incredibly uncomfortable to sleep on and like most of his other friends Paul always made use of the offer to take half of Hugh's bed instead. There was more than enough space.
The light and soft noise coming through the gap made Hugh feel comfortable and homely in a way he hadn't felt in a long time. But he didn't have time to think about it, he fell asleep only moments after closing his eyes.
He woke up to the beeping off his phone. Paul's side of the bed was empty but tousled. How and why was he up already?
Hugh made his trip to the bathroom, got ready and dressed in his most comfortable clothes that still looked presentable. When he went to the kitchen he was greeted by a wonderful smell and Paul, who radiated the energy of someone who already had two cups of morning coffee but looked like he had gotten out of bed two minutes ago.
"Good morning.", he smiled, turning his attention away from the pan. "Slept well?"
"Morning. Very actually. You?"
"Also.", he said, pouring Hugh a cup of coffee. "Sit down, I made you breakfast. You did plan time for breakfast, right?"
"I did.", Hugh said, sitting down. "I planned time for making and eating breakfast so-"
"-I saved you some.", Paul grinned, setting down a pile of blueberry pancakes between them.
Hugh sighed and looked at him. "I can't thank you enough."
"It's just pancakes." He waved it off helping himself to a few of them.
For a while they ate in silence. As everything Paul made the pancakes were amazing.
"How are you feeling?", Paul asked.
"Okay. Not too anxious yet, that'll come when I leave."
Paul nodded understandingly.
"It'll be fine.", he promised. "I thought I'd take the bus to town with you and make use of the library while you write your exam."
"Why aren't you taking advantage of the garden?", Hugh asked.
Paul didn't have a garden of his own, so he loved Hugh's all the more. They spent time outside whenever the weather allowed it and Paul always half jokingly scolded Hugh for not taking care of the garden as well as he thought it deserved. Hugh had given him free reign over it long ago.
"I guess I feel a little weird about staying in your house while you're not here? Also you seem like you could really need some rest when you get home and I don't want to overstay my welcome."
"I'd tell you if you were. You're very welcome to stay if you want to.", he said genuinely. "I could pick up take out on the way home. From Veda's maybe?"
"I'd love that.", Paul smiled, beaming.
"Perfect. I can't wait.", he sighed.
"I know. Just a few hours and you never have to think about this exam again."
"Yes."
The rest of the breakfast they ate in silence. Then Hugh packed his bag and they met in the hallway. Paul was leaning with his back against the wall, fingers tapping a rhythm against it. Hugh stopped in front of him, just looking at him for a moment. Surprisingly he didn't know what to say.
"I-" He stopped and started anew. "Thank you for everything, Paul."
"Stop thanking me all the time, I told you it’s fine.", he replied with a smile. “I… I actually really enjoyed yesterday evening.”
Hugh nodded happily. “Maybe we should do this more often.”
“Yeah, maybe.”, Paul said, tipping his head in a way that meant ‘definitely’. “Maybe we should-” His mouth hung open for a moment. But then he just closed it and smiled.
“You should go.”, he said. “Make sure you’re not late.”
“Right.”, Hugh realized. “See you in a few hours then.”
“Good luck.”, Paul said. He squeezed his arm and Hugh just had to hug him.
Paul rubbed his back.
“You’ll do great.”, he promised.
“Thank you.”, Hugh chuckled as they seperated.
As soon as he left the house, Hugh’s mind was fully occupied with the exam again. Which seemed to have been worth it because it went well.
Hugh was extremely relieved. Now that the last remnants of the months of stress building up to all of the exams were finally falling off, he felt like he could sleep for a week straight. The prospect of several weeks of holiday was even more exciting now that he had the mind to make plans for it. Cooking more, catching up on a few movies, maybe taking a weekend trip somewhere and finally seeing the new exhibit in the museum. And somehow all of those plans involved Paul.
He had been wanting to spend more time with him for a while now.
On the bus he called his mum like he had promised to. She was so proud, he almost got embarrassed, but he was more than happy to hear her. They made plans for him to visit soon and continued chatting when Hugh stopped at Veda’s restaurant and while he waited for their usual order.
Only when he got on the bus back home they said goodbye and Hugh felt like he finally had his usual much less stressful life back.
He could facetime his family again and visit them. And spend more time with Paul. His thought kept circling back to him.
Looking back on last evening, despite the stress and exhaustion, Hugh was sure that it was a happy memory he would keep for years and years to come. Somehow Paul made many small moments special, that would be insignificant otherwise.
The memory of a conversation with Michael from months ago came to him.
“So you and Paul…”
He had laughed.
“You get along pretty well.”, she had grinned
“Yes, well… We’re not... We’re just seeing where things go. ”
“Yes.”, she had smiled, understanding. “Tilly is freaking out about you two.”
“We’ve known each other for barely a month.”, he had chuckled.
“I’ve never seen him smile that way before.”, Michael had said.
He had shaken his head with a smile. “We’ll see.”
He had heard that several times. That Paul looked at him with a different smile. One that Hugh had grown used too but would never get tired of seeing. It was so full of emotions and…
It was the smile Paul had said goodbye with in the morning, it was the smile he had wished him luck with and it was the smile he had been about to talk about their future before interrupting himself.
It had the same warmth and emotions were in his gentle touch, his hugs that were longer for Hugh and the food he made for him.
Hugh had to actively keep himself from groaning. He had really been leaving Paul waiting. He usually wasn't one to be blind to these sorts of things, but drowning in exams and deadlines he had somehow just forgotten about that part of his life. And still even while he hadn't actively pursued it, his relationship with Paul had developed. Looking at their feelings and habits they had already been dating in a way. Hugh had just failed to acknowledge it and Paul had given him time.
Suddenly he couldn't wait.
He impatiently sat and waited for the bus to arrive at his station and jumped out as soon as it did.
Walking down the street he felt himself starting to run.
“Paul!”, he shouted.
Paul looked up, kneeling on the ground, his hands full of dirt from whatever he was digging up or replanting. He laughed, seeing Hugh running, holding onto his bag, and stood up.
Hugh dropped it in the grass, to have both hands to cup Paul's cheeks.
"I-" He didn't know what to say, but the other smiled back at him brightly, so Hugh just kissed him.
Paul kissed back, holding onto his sides.
Hugh pulled back, out of breath from running.
"Sorry I kept you waiting."
"More than worth it.", he said, beaming
"When did you realize?"
"When I met you. But realistically, three weeks maybe? You were focusing on those exams, huh?"
"Yes.", he said, laughing at himself.
“Me too.”, Paul chuckled. “But when all my exams were over I realized that I... really missed you.”
"And I realized how much I want you to be part of my life."
Paul kissed him again.
It was a gentle and simple kiss.
“How was the exam?”
“Good.” he smiled.
Paul nodded. “Good.”, he smiled back, caressing his cheek. “I’m proud of you.”
“Thank you. Hungry?”, he asked, rubbing his side.
“Yes. Couch day?”
“Please.”, Hugh sighed happily. He picked up his bag and Paul wrapped his arm around him as they made their way inside. “Tell me all about your lab work.”
“I knew you wouldn’t forget about it.”