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Two Idiot Gods Test Xiao's Patience

Summary:

Venti once again fell into a slumber for way longer than he should have and has woken up to a world he doesn't quite understand. Xiao is there to help him through it.

Will update tags as I go.

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Chapter Text

Oh no. Oh no, no, no, no, no.

Please be an animal. Please just be a rabbit or something- Bennett climbed out of his car, heart racing as he made his way around the front of his vehicle.

Shit!” He yelled, seeing the person lying on the street that he had just hit with his fucking car. “Oh Archons, oh fuck.” His hands went to his head, tugging on his hair as he began to pace back and forth on the street. He just hit someone with his fucking car! He knew his luck was bad, but this was just ridiculous. He should have known something was up when he got in the car and it started up fine.

Were they dead? He almost didn’t want to look. But he steeled himself and took a deep breath, forcing himself to stand still and look down at the person.

They didn’t seem to be bleeding, so that was good. And it didn’t look like anything was out of place. Okay. Okay, not bad. He hesitantly took a step forward and the person groaned. Oh, thank Celestia, they were alive.

Now that Bennett’s initial shock and panic was starting to subside, he pulled out his phone and turned on the flashlight to see better, even though his car’s headlights were still on. Looking at the person, they were rather… Strange? No, Bennett had no right to say anyone was strange, considering his own background and friends. Speaking of his friends, Barbara was currently getting out of the car.

Shit, that’s right, he’d completely forgotten about them.

Barbara was followed by Fischl, but thank Celestia Razor decided to stay in the car.

Barbara immediately screamed, and Fischl put her hands over her mouth, her carefully crafted persona falling almost immediately.

“Bennett!” Barbara shrieked, “What did you do?! You hit him!” She was immediately by the poor boy’s side. Out of the three of them, she was the most capable with injured people, given that she was looking into becoming a nurse, and had even worked as an assistant in an infirmary before.

She looked him over, assessing the damage. She seemed to visibly calm after a minute or so, “Okay… Okay, he’s breathing, there’s no injuries… He’ll probably have a nasty bruise, though, and I think he hit his head…” She was shaking still, and Bennett could see she was clearly stressed out.

Fischl was already on the phone with someone, having taken a few steps away from the car and the others. She sounded panicked, so Bennett could only assume that she was either on the phone with 911 or her parents.

“Should we… Get him some help? He probably shouldn’t be just… Out on the road, right? Do we take him to the hospital?”

Barbara hummed, “He doesn’t look like he’s going to need anything from the hospital… And you know if he sues you, you’d have to pay for his hospital bills.” She huffed.

Bennett hadn’t even thought of that. “Shit. Fuck. Well, uh. We can just hope he’s nice, then?” He sounded unsure, because if he was the one who got hit by a car… Well, okay, he’d probably blame himself. But that was besides the point!

Barbara glared at him, which wasn’t a pleasant thing to witness coming from the usually pleasant girl. “In any case, we need to get him off the road.”

“Right. Right, yeah.” He took a deep breath before walking closer. Barbara backed up to give him some room and he bent down to lift the boy up. Thankfully, and to his surprise, the guy was extremely light. He almost had the mind to question it, but his adrenaline levels were far too high and he simply blamed it on that.

With the help of Barbara and, after a moment, Fischl, they were able to get the guy in the back of the car, buckled into one side while Barbara took the middle seat and Fischl took the other side, wringing her hands together.

Bennett climbed back into the front and put his hands on the steering wheel, taking a deep breath.

Razor, from his seat in the front, had the mind to ask, “What… Happened?”

Bennett laughed. Not because anything was funny, but because he was stressed and it was a good way to deal with it. “Oh, you know, I hit a guy and now we have to take him into the city.”

Razor peeked into the backseat to see the poor fellow, slumped against the car door. “Where in the city..? The hospital? Do you know where he lives?”

Ah, shit, Bennett thought, and he said as such too, “Ah shit, where do we even take him?”

Fischl cleared her throat, speaking up rather quietly, unlike her usual demeanor, “We can check and see if he has any ID on him..? Or a business card? A phone?”

Everyone else in the car nodded as Bennett started driving once again, trying to will away any more bad luck that might strike him on their way back to the city.

Meanwhile, Barbara took to looking through the unconscious boy’s clothes. Ugh, when she thought about it, she almost felt indecent. It didn’t take long for her to realize that the guy didn’t even have pockets! Some lousy costume it was if it didn’t even have pockets. So she checked in the next most logical place; under his hat. It was the only place he could store stuff, right? Again, nothing.

Her breath quickened as she continued to pat around, looking for any sign of a phone or wallet or- anything! But she again came up empty-handed.

“Uh, haha, um… He doesn’t have anything. No pockets, nothing!”

“Did you look under his hat?” Bennett asked, eyes still on the road.

“Of course I looked under his hat!” She squealed, face reddening, before she took a deep breath to calm herself down. “Okay… Okay, let’s think this through rationally. We have a boy in a costume in the middle of the woods that you just hit with your car. He’s not injured, but he probably has a concussion. We don’t know his name and he doesn’t have a phone. He obviously doesn’t live out here, I mean- his clothes are perfectly clean! At least. ASide from the dirt that got on them from hitting the ground…”

She took a deep breath, “I think we might just have to take him to your house, Bennett. Your dads are good at finding people if they need to, right? They have connections with the city?”

Bennett nodded in affirmation, “Yeah, but..” He pouted,”They’ll be mad at me!”

“Mad or not, they can help us!”

Bennett let out a sigh, “You’re right… We do have a few spare rooms, too…”

“Um.. If I may,” Fischl spoke up, “I can let Cyrus know about the situation if you’d like, Bennett… so maybe he won’t be as mad at you when we get there.” She suggested, her phone already at the ready.

Bennett thought over this for a moment before letting out a deep breath, “Yeah, go ahead… I’d rather you tell him, honestly.” Fischl gave him a nod and immediately started texting.

The next minute was spent in silence before Fischl’s phone rang. “Uh-oh.” Bennett braced himself, but steeled his resolve, “Put him on speaker phone…”

Fischl nodded and answered the call from Cyrus, immediately hitting the button to put him on speaker phone.

“Bennett.” Cyrus’ voice came through the speaker rather sternly and Bennett cringed, Fischl also cringing for him. “Let me get this straight… You hit someone with your car. And now you’re bringing him to the house.”

Bennett had to force himself to speak, “Y-yes…”

They could hear Cyrus let out a sigh from the other side of the phone, no doubt pinching his nose and pacing back and forth, “He’s not hurt though, right? Thank the archons Barbara was with you… You checked his pulse and everything, right?”

Barbara nodded, “Yes sir! But- I should probably check again… And keep an eye on it.” So Barbara gently moved one of the boy’s hands into her lap and kept her fingers on the pulse point. There was certainly something there, though it was a lot more faint than most people’s pulses, and came at a rather odd interval. Oh well, at least it was there. “Okay.. Okay, he’s doing fine. I think he might just have a concussion and nothing else.”

There was a pause from the other side of the phone before Cyrus let out a breath of his own into the microphone, “Okay, good. Did you check him for any forms of identification? A wallet or cell phone?”

“We did, but…” Bennett started, only to be cut off by Fischl.

“He didn’t have anything on him.”

After another pause, “Alright. I’ll get stuff ready for him and see what else I can do in the meantime. And Bennett,” Bennett tensed up at his name, expecting to be scolded, “You know I care for you. But you’re going to have to take responsibility for this.”

Bennett sighed, “I know… And I will.”

“Good. I’ll see you at home, then.” And with that, Cyrus hung up, almost certainly coming completely unhinged back in the city proper.

The rest of the car ride was rather quiet except for the occasional tapping of Fischl’s nails on her phone screen.

Soon enough, they were crossing the bridge over Cider Lake into the city, where the streetlights illuminated the night sky, warm light coming from the windows of the building both old and new, flowing out into the cool night air. People bustled about, coming back from late dinners or simply enjoying the nightlife with friends. Much like Bennett had intended to do before he hit a guy.

Speaking of, it was only another couple minutes before Bennett was pulling into the driveway of his foster home.

He parked the car and wanted no time getting out, the other three following suit soon enough. Bennett was the one who opened the door to get the boy out, being careful with him. Now that the adrenaline had worn off, he fully recognized just how light the guy was. Despite looking about his age, he weighed about as much as a toddler, which was.. Concerning. Did the guy get enough to eat?

He carried him inside, where Cyrus met them, immediately taking the boy from him, also seemingly astounded by how light he was. “You all stay here. I need to have a word with you.”

 

The talking-to was just about what they all expected. Cyrus talked to them about road safety and taking responsibility, and what to do if the boy had been seriously injured. The whole thing lasted a good 45 minutes, all four of them nodding along. When it came time for Cyrus to ask if they had any questions, none of them spoke up.

“Alright. Well, I’ll be taking you three home, then.” He pointed to Razor, Barbara, and Fischl. “Bennett, you can stay here and make sure the boy is doing alright. If anything urgent happens, call me immediately so we can get him to the hospital if we need to. I put him in your room since he’s going to be your responsibility”

Bennett nodded, he should have expected that much after the tirade Cyrus had gone on. So with a sigh and slumped shoulders, he trudged to his room, where he was expecting to find the boy laid on his bed.

Instead, he found nothing. And the sound of the front door closing was not good for him, since Cyrus was now out of the house. Well, shit.

Maybe he wasn’t actually in his room? Okay, good start, he quickly checked all the other empty bedrooms. Nothing. Starting to panic, he went back to his own bedroom and tore the covers and sheets off his bed, where there was still nothing.

He was struck, then, by a cool breeze hitting his cheek. Whipping around, he saw that his window was open. Oh shit, he thought, Did he just fucking leave?


The first time Venti woke up that day, he felt refreshed. He’d slept in a secluded part of the whispering woods, hidden from the world by the canopies of the trees, and by the wind itself. He was sure he was going to have a good day today; it was one of the days where he’d make his way into Liyue with a bottle of dandelion wine to share with his dearest friend Rex Lapis.

It wasn’t often he got the opportunity to make his way to the neighboring lands, and Rex Lapis had seemed delighted to accept Venti’s company. So he stretched, a yawn escaping past his lips as he stood. He fixed his clothes, making sure his hat was on just right(it was itchy otherwise), and looked up at the sky. It seemed to be late afternoon; damn, had he really slept that long?

He supposed it was fine. He often slept for longer than most people. In fact, one could say he slept a bit too much, especially given that he’d accidentally fallen asleep for about a thousand years once. But what were the chances of him doing that again? Close to zero, he’d wager.

So he set out to take a pleasant stroll through the woods to make his way to the winery where he’d hopefully be able to snag himself a bottle of wine, or at least swindle one from one of the workers there. After all, it wasn’t for him, now was it?

The woods… They were different. He couldn’t quite put his finger on it, but the way it was was most certainly different than it was the last time he’d been awake. Had something happened the previous night? Had it actually been a few days? Oh, Rex Lapis would not be happy if he’d missed the date; while he didn’t make a formal contract, he did say he promised.

He wandered through the woods for a good few hours, trying to grasp the newer landscape. While he could easily have simply flown above the trees, he felt it was necessary to understand the changes that had come to his lands in the time he was asleep. So when the sun set below the horizon, he was growing worried. How long had he been gone, exactly? Why was nothing familiar? And why was there a strange smell lingering in the air?

As the darkness set in, Venti sighed. Maybe he should just fly up and see what was going on. But looking ahead, aha! There appeared to be a road of some kind! He supposed he did fall asleep a good way out from the road, and he didn’t expect anyone to find him as deep as he was in the woods… So he’d found what he was looking for! Any small victory was still a victory.

So he kept on, making his way onto the road. It was a considerably harder road than had been there before. Huh. he must have slept for a while then if they were able to cobble or pave the road in such a way. Oh, he hoped he wouldn’t let anyone down… His absence could have been quite long. Nonetheless, he pressed on, starting down the road.

A few minutes into his trek down the road, there was a loud sound from behind him, something like the low growl of a large beast, not unlike the growling of the wolves westward in wolvendom. He wondered briefly what Andrius was up to.

He turned on his heel, ready to face whatever it was that was coming for him, only for it to be right upon him, a large construct of metal, and when it hit him it felt like being headbutted by an ancient vishap. He was thrown a few feet back and landed on the hard road, his head smacking the ground with incredible force.

While he may be a simple construct of wind, a hit that hard was still going to leave him injured. And oh boy did he know he was in for it. He couldn’t even mutter a snarky comment under his breath before he once again fell unconscious.


The second time Venti woke up that day, it was strange. He was quick to shake off the soreness that had settled itself deep within his body, choosing to just ignore it instead of acknowledge it. Thus, he was able to almost immediately sit up and look around.

He was in a bed. Okay, so someone had found him and brought him to their home, then? Most likely. Looking around the room, it was… Strange. There were illustrations all over the wall, fanciful and colorful, of all sorts of things. Groups of oddly-dressed people in all sorts of positions. He was able to pick up on the fact that some of the people repeated from picture to picture, and all of them had one thing in common; a symbol that vaguely resembled the crest of Mondstadt.

He furrowed his eyebrows and looked down at the bed he was in. The sheets were… Odd. They were dyed, but in a pattern that almost didn’t seem possible. He ran his hand over the patterns, in the shape of a large red thumbs-up on a white and black background; he could feel that they weren’t even a separate stitch. Huh.

He peeled them off himself and climbed out of the bed, making his way across the room past shelves of knick-knacks that he didn’t feel like giving the time of day to, peering out the window. The city of Mondstadt was… Different. The skyline was no longer filled with windmills and moss-covered roofs, everything was more… Geometrical.

The sky was dark, yet the windows of many of the buildings shone with a light that couldn’t have been produced by candles or chandeliers alone, a cooler glow to it than fire.

Venti scrunched his eyebrows together. Now, this wasn’t right. He unlatched the window and pushed it up, climbing out and drifting easily on a breeze to the nearest rooftop. It was hard, like rough stone, and all around him the building rose higher than he could have thought possible. He laid back on the gentle slope and looked up at the metal and stone and brick constructs that had been added to his city.

Had it really been that long?

He felt tears welling up in his eyes; all of his friends, faces it felt like he’d seen not hours ago… They were likely all gone, just like the last time. He pushed himself back up to his feet, sniffling as he let his form blow away in the breeze, into nothing but loose anemo energy.

Floating on the wind, he could see just how different everything was. The main roads were wider to allow for metal, horseless carriages to pass through, and the people stayed on the sidelines. Strange lights lit up businesses, in all different colors. A flickering of pink declared one place “Cat’s Tail,” while another simply said “Pub.” More signs littered the streets than ever before, and Venti went like he was getting lost.

But as it always did, the wind carried him somewhere familiar. He was gently deposited on the hands of his own statue, his physical form once again materializing. He couldn’t help himself from curling up in the palms of the visage of himself, of the boy who used to hold him in his very same way before he was slain.

It was all too much too soon. He closed his eyes tight and let his mind wander.

How was Andrius? Dvalin? The other archons? He reached out to Celestia, begging for answers, but for the first time in Venti’s life, he didn’t feel a response. Not a strong one. Not a powerful coursing of energy through his body as he would typically feel in the heat of battle or simply when he called upon his wind. Instead, he only got a faint whisper of what once was.

This, to say the least, was concerning. His breath quickened and he tried again to reach out to Celestia, only to have the same results. Was his gnosis gone? No, he could feel it in the core of his being, where it resided. Had Celestia simply… Lost its power? He felt tears stream down his cheeks, it’d been over a thousand years at least, then.

Over a thousand years and he could no longer feel the thrum of the other elements in the world, nor the comforting warmth of Celestia.

He resigned himself to his fate: there would be no familiar faces in this world.

But just as he started to digest that, he felt a strong hand lay gently across his back, and felt a presence next to him where a moment before there had been no one. A familiar voice spoke, “I never would have taken you for someone to show such weakness, crying like this...” There was a deep inhale, before a relenting sigh, “Whatever, you shouldn’t be up here. Not now.” Another arm joined the first, being placed under his knees, and soon he was being lifted, held against the person’s chest.

Looking up at them through blurred tears, Venti sniffled, “Adeptus Xiao?”