Chapter Text
Being with Minho for the last few months had been an experience that Seungmin didn't ever imagine having in her life. Marriage was often perceived as a sacred bond that tied two people together, a connection of heart and mind.
With Minho, it's not that marriage wasn't as important as others described it, but it was so much different, so much less. To be fair, Seungmin had prepared herself for this type of relationship between the two of them since the start, however, she couldn't help but admit that she was feeling underwhelmed.
The decision to marry Minho might have been rash, such as the fact that her parents were moving to a foreign country, and wanted to see her married before they left. She was a hardworking and employed adult so she decided that it wouldn't be too out of the blue to consider marriage. Then her parents brought around Minho, the son of a close friend of theirs. Seungmin met with Minho a few times, he was kind and seemed to have the same morals as Seungmin, to have a family one day, so she agreed upon marrying him. Minho didn't seem to be the type to have any interest in love, and neither did Seungmin. Both of them had dated a few people in the past, however had zero luck with love, hence they decided to settle on each other. They got along plenty fine and Seungmin was content going into their marriage.
However, it had been 8 months since their wedding and since her parents moved to Singapore. Seungmin was beginning to become lonely. Sure, Minho was always there, well after his work ended, and there were always their two cats, but Seungmin felt empty. Going into this marriage, she figured she could handle a loveless relationship, however as time went on, she began to realize that Minho was clearly not in love with her. Sure, he was caring, and kind, and always did his best to make sure that she was happy, and it was not even his responsibility to love her, but would it be wrong to crave love? The two of them were hardly friends in her perspective, they were more of acquaintances. Minho spent the same amount of time with her daily, doing the same thing. They came home from work, ate dinner, watched TV in silence, and then went to bed. There was nothing that ever changed in their lives.
Seungmin was beginning to hate it. She'd wake up much before Minho, prepare breakfast, go to work, finish work, and then come home early to prepare dinner for Minho and her. It was the same old thing. He'd ask for the same type of coffee every single night after dinner, and she'd prepare it in the same type of way every single night.
Sometimes she'd turn her head towards him, waiting for him to say something different than the day before, however, he never would. It seemed that they were only here to keep the other from becoming lonely. However, despite always having someone with her, Seungmin was alone.
She was all alone in the morning when she'd wake up extra early to prepare the same scrambled eggs that she did every day. She was alone while she waited for the kettle to whistle, signaling that the water had been boiled. She was alone when she'd ironed and set out Minho's work clothes for him. She was alone when setting out their cat's bowls. She was alone as she made her way to work. She was alone while working, checking her phone every hour to see if Minho had messaged her. She was alone when she'd come home. She was alone when she would prepare Minho's favorite dish for dinner. She was alone as she ate dinner with his silence filling the room. She was alone as she watched him drink the coffee that she had made for him.
She was alone as she watched him slowly doze into deep sleep.
She was alone as she'd repeat the same thing over and over.
And then the weekend came. Which she disliked the most since she would have to spend all of her time with Minho. It wasn't that she didn't like spending time with him, it was the fact that she enjoyed it a little too much. Even a small smile from him or the way his hand would brush against hers would leave her wanting more.
The both of them had agreed on having a relationship like this, but it was normal to crave love was it not? Not that she expected him to be in love with her but, even a few loving actions would do. Minho would hardly even touch her unless it was necessary. And although they were comfortable with each other, Seungmin wondered if Minho thought that she didn't trust him.
However, Seungmin had to prepare herself to spend the rest of her life like this. Despite it driving her insane.
It was a typical Sunday, Minho sat outside on the balcony of their three-bedroom apartment, as Seungmin sat on the couch in front of the sliding doors, playing with their cat. They had two cats, both were Minho's before Seungmin came along. She figured he was quite a cat lover, and although she wasn't too fond of having a cat, she agreed to keep both of them. Seungmin had instantly fallen in love with both of them, especially Penelope. She was a soft white color with a light peach on the tip of her fur. Seungmin had grown close to her because she was only two months old when Seungmin had met her. Minho had gotten her two weeks before their marriage, so just like Penelope, Seungmin was new to Minho and his cat's life. She likes to think that the two of them grew into this family together.
"Seungmin."
Minho interrupted Seungmin's playful quarrel with Penelope, as she turned to him in an instant, ready to serve him for whatever he desired.
"Should we go out?"
His voice was smoother than butter. Seungmin wondered how he could keep such a calm and collected presence at all hours.
Her heart began hurting at his sudden request to go out. She wondered for a moment, before responding if it was to run some sort of errands. She wondered if it was worth it to answer, to have her heart broken again by the simplicity of their relationship. However, Seungmin got into this relationship making the promise to herself that she would never deny or reject Minho, as he never denies or rejects her. The only problem is, that Seungmin never asks for anything because she fears she will say what she truly wants and will make a mess out of her life.
"Sure," she stood up, removing Penelope from her lap and placing her on the mundane yellow sofa below her, "let me just fix up my hair."
Minho nodded, without removing his eyes from the magazine in his hand, as she stood up and made her way to their bedroom.
Seungmin came back as quickly as she could, trying to style her hair properly. It wasn't that Seungmin tried to look pretty for Minho, she didn't believe that you should only take care of yourself for a man. She just didn't feel motivated to try sometimes, because it just felt so hopeless, no one was going to appreciate her anyway.
As she slipped her shoes on by the front door, Minho stood waiting for her. There was silence, like always. Seungmin hated it, like always.
It's crazy how you can feel so lonely even though you're with someone.
"You know Seungmin," he began, "your hair looked just fine before too. I don't think you needed to change it. It looked pretty."
Seungmin stopped in her tracks. Pretty, it was as if she had unlocked a new word with Minho. He had never said that in front of her before, or even addressed her like that. Pretty, she always wanted to be.
Seungmin hated his anticlimactic words. She hated this feeling inside of her.
She hated that feeling of wanting to lean over and wrap her arms around Minho's larger and toned frame. She hated that she wanted to hear him whisper the word "pretty" over and over until her ears finally got sick of hearing it. She could hardly place her finger on this feeling, but it twisted her guts round and round to the point where she felt like throwing up.
"Thank you," she gave him a small smile, concealing all the desire to be held and loved behind her words.
Seungmin had recently begun feeling this way. She didn't know what it was or why it was so painful, but all she knew was that she had to get away from Minho as soon as possible. Or else who knew what she'd do?
Who knew what she would do when he'd return her smile with an even wider one? When he'd reach his hand past her to grab the keys all she wanted to do was hold onto his firm and strong hand. Who knew what she'd do? When all of him belonged to her, yet none of it mattered.
-
Turns out Minho didn't have as grand or as low intentions as Seungmin expected. They took a small walk around the neighborhood, in silence. It was almost springtime, the weather was fresh and posh, just the way Seungmin liked it. The flowers were beginning to rebloom, the clouds were clearing away, and it was like a fresh start for everything. Seungmin remembers last spring when Minho and her had gotten married. She wonders if there could ever be a fresh start to that. Perhaps she wouldn't have acted too careless when it came to relationships, then perhaps they would have been in a different situation today.
Seungmin watched Minho as they walked, he had the most blank but cautious look in his eyes. She wondered if he was ever bothered by the obvious distance between them. Both physically and mentally. As much as they seemed like the perfect puzzle that fit together to create a picture, their puzzle pieces didn't even belong in the same puzzle. Seungmin's hand desired Minho's, however, she was sure that he didn't feel the same way.
There was silence between them, and while that silence used to make Seungmin comfortable, it now made her restless. It's like every second she was waiting for him to say something.
However, she had to get herself together. This was becoming overwhelming, she had to remind herself that this wasn't them. Her sole purpose was to make sure he wasn't lonely, and she was going to do everything to make sure that happened.
"Uh, Minho, can we go to the convenience store? I want to pick up some chips if that's fine?"
Minho turned to her, seemed a little startled by her voice, and nodded. "Yeah, sure, I'll wait outside though, my head is kind of hurting."
Seungmin wanted to frown at this. He wouldn't even walk into a store with her, and they were supposedly connected to each other. At a moment like this, her eyes traveled to the beautiful band around her finger. Although it was worth so much, it was clearly worth nothing. At least not to Minho.
She ended up going to the convenience store alone. She came out with chips and Minho's favorite coffee, for him of course.
"Nah," he shook his head, turning his eyes away from her, "I don't want it, it'll make my head hurt." He then walked away from her, towards the other side of the road, leaving Seungmin alone.
Seungmin's heart began hurting.
She chased him, to catch up to him.