Work Text:
A classified file in an A.C.M.E. database
List of Known V.I.L.E. Operatives.
Caroline Brunt - Coach Brunt Status: Apprehended
Cleopatra Amari - Countess Cleo Status: Apprehended
Professor Gunnar Maelstrom Status: Apprehended
Dr. Saira Bellum Status: Apprehended
Suhara Toyotomi - Shadowsan Status: [Redacted]
Nigel Braithwaite - Roundabout Status: Apprehended
Sheena Smith - Tigress Status: Apprehended
Jean-Paul LaCroix - Le Chèvre Status: Active
Antonio de la Mora - El Topo Status: Active
Graham Calloway - Crackle Status: [Redacted]
Niccolo Lombardi - Mime Bomb Status: Apprehended
Kimiko Hoshikawa - Paper Star Status: Active
Cookie Booker - Bookkeeper Status: Active
Dash Horowitz - Dash Haber Status: Active
Aya Dojima - Lady Dokuso Status: Active
Hailey McMahon - The Mechanic Status: Apprehended
Priyanka Vaswani - The Driver Status: Apprehended
Neal Johnson - Neal the Eel Status: Active
Oscar Nilsson - Otter Man Status: Apprehended
Hugo Bergstrom - Moose Boy Status: Apprehended
Victor Mariano - Spin Kick Status: Apprehended
Maria Trapp - Fly Trap Status: Apprehended
Hunter Brown - The Troll Status: Active
Marta Contreras - The Curator Status: Active
Boris Smirnov - Cleaner Status: Active
Vlad Smirnov - Cleaner Status: Active
All active V.I.L.E. operatives are presumed armed and dangerous. Proceed with caution. See pages 36-39 for V.I.L.E. handling protocols.
A deed for a truck sold in Chichicastenango, Guatemala
Model: 2010 Ford F-450 Cutaway
Signatory: Anton Montaña
Co-Signatory: John-Paul de la Cruz
Price: [Withheld at Request of Signatory]
Payment: Cash
Approved
A chat log from a group chat titled: Team Carmen
Zackasaur: carm tell ivy to stop bullying me
Mermivy: carm tell zack to stop eating all my donuts
Zackasaur: im your brother!
Mermivy: they were labeled!
iCarlySantamonica: Its way too early in the morning for this
ReadyPlayer1: arent you two supposed to be on acme business
Dadowsan: andioop.gif
Zackasaur: someone get shadowsan off rupauls drag race
Dadowsan: That was not even from Drag Race. It is a meme of a drag queen from Drag Race, long after she has competed on her season.
Zackasaur: WHATEVER
Zackasaur: chief is working us so hard carm
Mermivy: these vile agents are so stupid slippery
iCarlySantamonica: And…?
Mermivy: can you lend us a hand or smth?
iCarlySantamonica: Alright ill keep an eye out, no promises though.
iCarlySantamonica: But i expect payment
Mermivy: gasp
Zackasaur: you wound us
ReadyPlayer1: just buy good boba. carmen lives for boba.
Zackasaur: thanks player i love you and only you
ReadyPlayer1: 0w0
Mermivy: hey! Im your sister!
Dadowsan: sksksksksks
iCarlySantamonica: Im gonna ask hideo to cut your internet
A private message conversation between Antonio de la Mora and Jean-Paul LaCroix
❤️My Goat❤️: I love you
Antonio: I love you too
Antonio: but why'd you send me this in the middle of a grocery run?
Antonio: is everything okay?
❤️My Goat❤️: I forgot to say it when you left
Antonio: mi amor
Antonio: we are no longer in vile, you know I will come back to you
❤️My Goat❤️: I know
❤️My Goat❤️: I still want to say it though
Antonio: I love you
❤️My Goat❤️: I love you too
A memo on Chief Tamara Fraser’s desk
Authorization request: Mission to apprehend V.I.L.E. operative Dash Haber
Location: Marseilles, France
Agents: Julia Argent, Chase Devineaux, Zach Boston, Ivy Boston
Approved
A poster advertising a food truck in Chichicastenango, Guatemala
Go Taco Molé
Grand Opening
Homemade Tacos, Tostadas, and Quesadilla - With special secret molé sauce
Freshness guaranteed - Three blocks from the Iglesia de San Tomas
A manila envelope on Agent Julia Argent’s desk
Case File: Aya Dojima AKA Lady Dokuso
Last Known Location - Unknown, possibly Latin America
Threat Level: 10
Proceed with extreme caution. Known skills: poison mastery, assassination, stealth.
Enclosed are three grainy pictures of a stately woman, face obscured, taken in Ecuador, El Salvador, and Colombia.
A transcript of an interrogation of former V.I.L.E. operative Sheena Smith
Sheena: I already told you, I don’t know where anyone else is! Trust me, if I could, I’d help you get all of those bastards. Those higher ups ruined my life. Left all of us out to dry.
Sheena: Of course. Let me guess, Lady Dokuso’s messing around again? If anyone can rebuild V.I.L.E., it’s her.
Sheena: Like I said, I owe them nothing.
Sheena: Actually, can I ask you something?
Sheena: Please.
Sheena: How’s Crackle?
Sheena: ...Fine. What about Le Chèvre and El Topo?
Sheena: Good. I hope you never find them.
Two memos on Chief Tamara Fraser’s desk
Request for Communication with: Sheena Smith
From: Graham Calloway
Denied
Mission: Apprehend V.I.L.E. Operative Dash Haber
Status: Successful
A birthday card tucked away in a taco chef’s “kiss the thief” apron pocket
Mon chéri,
Happy birthday! I know this year has not been what we expected, not in the least, but every day I pinch myself when I wake up next to you. I’m grateful to have you beside me. No matter what life throws at us next, I promise I will always stand by your side.
I know it’s not much, but I hope you like the gift. Your aprons are boring anyway, and excuse me if I have to look at them for twelve hours a day. I promise, next year, there will be more, because you deserve so much more. I was thinking, let’s close up a little early today and go out for some chocolate cake, like we used to. I love you so very much, Antonio.
Your goat,
Jean-Paul
A manila envelope on Agent Zari Muthu’s desk
Case File: Antonio de la Mora AKA El Topo, Jean-Paul LaCroix AKA Le Chèvre
Last Known Location - Chichicastenango, Guatemala
Threat Level: 7
Proceed with caution. Always seen together. Known skills: El Topo - digging, stealth, food preparation. Le Chèvre - acrobatics, stealth, sarcasm.
Enclosed is a flyer for Go Taco Molé and a burgeoning collection of pictures depicting two men around various parts of Guatemala. They are smiling in every picture.
A sticky note is attached to the file, in neat red cursive: Capture one, and the other will fall.
A call between two international numbers
Player: Wow, you work fast. Alright, I got you the tickets. Are you sure about this?
Red: I’m sure. I gotta see this for myself.
Player: Guatemala. At least it’s close. How’s your mom?
Red: She’s doing good.
Player: What are you gonna tell her?
Red: The truth. That I’m visiting some friends.
A receipt from Go Taco Molé
3 x Barbacoa Taco.……….33.00 Q
Extra Cheese……….6.00 Q
1 x Chicken Tostada………14.00 Q
1 x Coke………………........7.40 Q
Total……………….60.40 Q
A receipt from Go Taco Molé, backside
Call me if you need anything.
+59 9 223 636-9080
-C
Two memos on Chief Tamara Fraser’s desk
Request for Communication with: Sheena Smith
From: Graham Calloway
Denied
Authorization request: Mission to apprehend V.I.L.E. operatives El Topo and Le Chèvre
Location: Chichicastenango, Guatemala
Agents: Zari Muthu, Sylvain Hugo, Zach Boston, Ivy Boston
Approved
A letter in a trashcan in Chichicastenango, Guatemala
To meet once again, would that be most wonderful?3 Breaking in to your heart has been so hard.0 Yet the burning desire of the soul continues blazing.1 If Santa Claus does not bring you to me, then who will?1
Elsa Maria was a powerful witch.2 The bullring was where her lover died.0 In Bogotá did she meet her fate.2 Let Colombia be witness, such things do not befall unto us, beloved.3
From, the High Priestess
A transcript of communications during an A.C.M.E. raid in Chichicastenano, Guatemala
Agent Zach: They’re heading in, are you guys in position?
Agent Zari: Affirmative.
Agent Zach: Man, I can’t believe those two guys ended up opening a taco truck. That’s, like the coolest thing ever.
Agent Ivy: Yeah, but how do we know it’s not a front for like, money laundering or something?
Agent Zach: I mean that’s why we’re doing this, right? Plus, if they’re innocent, I hope they’ll let us try their food. It looks so freaking good! And look at their menu. No fish! It's practically made for me.
Agent Zari: Please cease your babbling.
Agent Sylvain: They’re coming in.
Agent Zach: Man, remember when I fooled the mole guy when we were out in Australia? Can't believe he fell for some imaginary dingoes!
Agent Ivy: Zach, focus! Hey Zari, how's it going? You're being awfully quiet.
Agent Zari: Ugh!
Agent Ivy: Zari? Sylvain?
Agent Sylvain: Ah!
Agent Zari: Oof!
Agent Ivy: Uh, what's going on in there?
Agent Sylvain: Argh!
Agent Zach: Oh, there they go. Into their truck. Speeding away.
Agent Ivy: Start driving, Zach!
Agent Ivy: You guys okay in there?
Agent Ivy: Hello? Communication much?
Agent Zari: Apologies. I cannot believe I forgot to lock the door after gaining entry.
Agent Zach: Happens to all of us.
Agent Ivy: Zach! Drive!
Agent Sylvain: Hey, look at this.
Agent Zari: Interesting.
Agent Zach: Hey, what'd you find? Let us see!
Agent Ivy: Zach, eyes on the road!
Agent Zuri: Here.
Agent Ivy: Wow, this makes, like, no sense. And what’s with the numbers at the end of the sentences?
Agent Zuri: I will send this to our codebreakers. Perhaps they will make sense of this.
Agent Ivy: Oka–Zach! Camel!
Agent Zach: AHHHHHH!
Agent Ivy: AHHHHHH!
A call between two international numbers
+59 9 223 636-9080: Hello?
+59 9 223 636-9080: Who is this?
+59 9 223 636-9080: Um, I’m gonna–
+502 2458 1144: Carmen?
+502 2458 1144: I...We need your help.
+502 2458 1144: ...Please.
+59 9 223 636-9080: Okay. Okay, Antonio, I need you to tell me what happened.
A memo on Chief Tamara Fraser’s desk
Mission: Apprehend V.I.L.E. Operatives El Topo and Le Chèvre
Status: Failure
A chat log from a group chat titled: Team Carmen
Zackasaur: omg that last mission went so bad
Mermivy: god yeah i need memes
Mermivy: please send me memes
Dadowsan: aidenzhaneeyes.img
Dadowsan: tamishaimansignatureleatherhightopsneakers.png
Dadowsan: uhaulkawasaki.jpeg
Zackasaur: non drag race memes pls
iCarlySantamonica: andioop.gif
ReadyPlayer1: andioop.gif
Dadowsan: andioop.gif
Zackasaur: i hate all of you
Mermivy: seriously tho i cant believe that happened
iCarlySantamonica: So are you guys gonna tell us whats wrong
Mermivy: oh the usual
Zackasaur: vile op got away
iCarlySantamonica: Yikes which one
Zackasaur: the goat and the mole
Mermivy: they wouldnt have if this guy didnt crash the car
Zackasaur: hey the camel was really fast ok
Dadowsan: trinitysip.gif
iCarlySantamonica: Guys
iCarlySantamonica: We need to talk
iCalySantamonica: Antonio and jean paul just wants to be left alone
Mermivy: wait youve been talking to them
iCarlySantamonica: Well i went to guatemala and everything
iCarlySantamonica: Pretty sure i told you guys
Dadowsan: That she did.
iCarlySantamonica: Theyre trying really hard to make an honest living
iCarlySantamonica: They dont need acme on their tail right now
Zackasaur: well duh
Zackasaur: there was an obviously evil secret note in their trashcan
Mermivy: yeah theyre definitely evil
iCarlySantamonica: In their trashcan.
ReadyPlayer1: Oh shit
ReadyPlayer1: Punctuation
Dadowsan: katyascream.gif
iCarlySantamonica: Seriously though can you guys help me keep acme away from them
Mermivy: i dunno carm
Zackasaur: they seem pretty sus to me
iCarlySantamonica: I trust them
Mermivy: carm
iCarlySantamonica: You werent there with them on the phone
iCarlySantamonica: I think they deserve a second chance
Zackasaur: You called them on the phone???
ReadyPlayer1: wow punctuation and capitalization
ReadyPlayer1: but ill vouch for the mole goat boyfriends
Zackasaur: They’re DATING?
Dadowsan: It would seem you have all broken Zack.
Dadowsan: But I too shall vouch for my former students. They have always been more mild mannered, more concerned with each other than VILE. I do suppose they would take this opportunity to turn over a new leaf.
Mermivy: wow if even shadowsan is vouching for them then i guess i can give them a chance
Dadowsan: sksksksksksks
Zackasaur: nevermind can we revoke shadowsans internet privileges please
Mermivy: seconded
iCarlySantamonica: Thirded
ReadyPlayer1: fourthed
Dadowsan: andioop.gif
Zackasaur: i still cant believe goat boy and mole boy are a thing
A private message conversation between Chase Devineaux and Julia Argent
Devineaux: how goes the investigation, julia?
Devineaux: if i have to read another report on suspected vile hideouts masquerading as artisan bagel shops, i will die
Devineaux: i deserve something more titillating to stimulate my intellects, no?
Julia: Please refrain from ever using the word titillating in my presence ever again
Julia: I am still struggling to decode the message we had recovered from the last mission
Julia: I have figured out a date, that was rather obvious, but the contents are simply too strange
Devineaux: have you figured out who it is from?
Julia: No. The handwriting does not match any of our databases, though they are woefully incomplete
Julia: The letter was signed “From the High Priestess.” Perhaps that is a codename of sorts?
Devineaux: that is the second arcana in the tarot, no?
Julia: Second arcana?
Julia: Agent Devineaux, I think you might be onto something.
Devineaux: happy to help!
A transcript of an interrogation of former V.I.L.E. operative Dash Horowitz
Dash: What do you want from me? You know I’m not inclined to tell you anything, right?
Dash: Alright, whatever, honey. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.
Dash: Nope, don’t recognize it.
Dash: I said no.
Dash: You do know no means no, right?
Dash: Well, if that’s what you believe, then whatever. I’ve never paid attention to anyone’s handwriting, okay? Not like you can make my life any worse, I’m literally in high security turbo jail.
Dash: Nope, not gonna answer.
Dash: Bite me.
A private message conversation between Player and Carmen Sandiego
Red: Hey you got into the database
Player: yep, our mole and goat are officially in
Red: Good
Red: They shouldnt have to live under viles shadow anymore
Player: glad that ivy and zack are willing to cover for them
Red: Yeah
Red: Thank you so much player
Player: no problem red
Player: cant believe you guys went with gautier of all things
Red: Well it was his choice
Player: jean-paul gautier tho?
Player: really?
Red: Let him like what he like
Player: we did that with shadowsan and look how he turned out
Red: No comment
Two passports in the back of a taco truck heading for the Mexican-American border
Surname:
Moreno
Given Names:
Antonio Rafael
Nationality:
United States of America
Date of Birth:
9 March, 1997
Place of Birth:
Guatemala
Date of Issue:
20 September, 2018
Date of Expiration:
20 September, 2028
Surname:
Gautier
Given Names:
Jean-Paul
Nationality:
United States of America
Date of Birth:
27 November, 1996
Place of Birth:
France
Date of Issue:
20 September, 2018
Date of Expiration:
20 September, 2028
A notice in A.C.M.E. Agent Julia Argent’s personal computer
Agent Argent,
We have reason to believe various members of V.I.L.E. will soon be gathering in Bogotá, Colombia. It is of our best interest to thwart this meeting before strides can be made to reestablish V.I.L.E. I believe the two V.I.L.E. operatives that have recently escaped our custody will be involved in this meeting. I know you have the means to contact Miss Sandiego if necessary, and I feel this is the time to do so. Ask her to assist us in apprehending these criminals so we may interrogate them on the nature of this gathering. We cannot let V.I.L.E. reemerge from the shadows. Please let me know if your rendezvous is successful.
Chief Fraser
A poster advertising a food truck in Austin, Texas
Go Taco Molé
Grand Opening
Homemade Tacos, Tostadas, and Quesadilla - With special secret molé sauce
Freshness guaranteed - One block from Fire House 126
A blog post on Julia Argent’s academic blog, The Looking Lens
Today, I would like to highlight some of the fascinating coffee growing practices of Guatemala. Situated between Mexico and Honduras, bordering Belize to the east, Guatemala’s elevation and climate makes it a perfect place for the cultivation of a special, robust variety of coffee. Thanks to the high altitude and volcanic soil, Guatemalan coffee is renowned for its acidity and body, imparting a deep and invigorating flavor to drinkers. The subtropical climate of the country makes it an ideal environment for these beans to flourish and soak up the flavors of the earth straight to your cup.
Coffee is one of Guatemala’s many agricultural imports and provides a livelihood for many of its citizens. Guatemalan coffee is available in both light roast and dark roast, but my preferred poison is definitely the dark roast. Even goats and moles go crazy for it! Recently, Guatemalan coffee has increased exponentially in the UK, especially in London’s East End, where I see so many varieties in my local coffee shop. Though I am still partial to red coffee, I’ve started to quite enjoy a cup of Guatemalan dark roast or two. Try some for yourself!
A private message conversation between Antonio Moreno and Jean-Paul Gautier
Jean-Paul: I can’t believe they won’t let me reschedule
Jean-Paul: I’m so sorry mon cher
❤️My Mole❤️: do not worry
❤️My Mole❤️: we can still have fun
Jean-Paul: I will be too drugged out to have fun
Jean-Paul: I hate this
❤️My Mole❤️: we will be fine, promise
❤️My Mole❤️: don’t be dramatic mi amor
Jean-Paul: Alright then
Jean-Paul: Don’t get mad at me when I drool on on you
❤️My Mole❤️: never
A transcript of an interrogation of former V.I.L.E. operative Sheena Smith
Sheena: What do you want now? Make it quick.
Sheena: Yeah, I know who wrote this. But I want you to answer my question before I answer yours.
Sheena: Alright then, guess I’ll just keep my mouth shut.
Sheena: Nope, not saying anything.
Sheena: Hah, should’ve just agreed to my requests earlier. Who else is going to squeal? None of the people you have in here, that's for sure. Anyways, just tell me who you got this from. That's it, that's all I want to know.
Sheena: I see. I didn’t think they would...Nevermind.
Sheena: It’s Lady Dokuso’s handwriting. I’d recognize the way she dots her i’s from anywhere.
Sheena: Hey I know you’re in the business of putting us evil people away or whatever, but...Go easy on El Topo and Le Chèvre, okay?
Sheena: No, I don’t know anything about where they might be. And if I did I wouldn't tell you. Those two, Mime Bomb, Gray...
Sheena:...Hah. Of course they’d settle there. Antonio has always been sentimental. I’m glad at least some of us...Whatever. I hope those idiots don’t get themselves caught.
A memo on Chief Tamara Fraser’s desk
Authorization request: Raid on suspected V.I.L.E. headquarters
Location: Bogotá, Colombia
Squads mobilized: A1-A6, E17, F2
Approved
A private message conversation between Ivy Boston and Carmen Sandiego
Ivy: hey carm no dice
Ivy: chief wont let us transfer to antonio and jean-pauls case
Ivy: smth about zari having personal investment
Carmen: Julia wants to talk to me
Carmen: Lemme see if i can ask her for help
Carmen: Thanks for trying ivy
Ivy: no problem!
Ivy: lemme know how it goes
A letter attached to a bouquet of roses and lilies
Mi amor,
Happy anniversary! It’s a bit unfortunate you had to schedule your wisdom tooth removal on the day of our anniversary, but I am looking forward to seeing you high on anesthesia! There will be cake and pasta and tomato soup from that place downtown you like when you get back. Thank you for always being by my side, even though times have been rough. Here’s to many, many more years together. And do not worry, you have permission to drool on me as much as you like.
I love you,
Antonio
A memo on Chief Tamara Fraser’s desk
Request for Communication with: Sheena Smith
From: Graham Calloway
Approved
A chat log from a group chat titled: ACME Homies
JulieJulia: Excuse me, Zach and Ivy, might I ask you something?
JulieJulia: Why do you think Carmen has such a vested interest in the well-being of these two VILE operatives? El Topo and Le Chevre, I mean.
Himbo: i take it your meeting with le femme rouge went well, miss argent?
JulieJulia: That’s besides the point.
Zock: oh yeah carm wanted us to keep acme off jeantonios back
JulieJulia: Jeantonio?
Zock: its a lot of work to type out both their names ok
Eevee: but like we cant because chief wont put us on the case
Zock: wait julia can you put in a good word for us
Eevee: yeah youre chiefs favorite
Himbo: hey! miss argent and i are a set, if she is the favorite then i am too!
JulieJulia: I’m not sure. Why ever would Carmen go through such trouble to protect two former VILE agents from the law? Are they not a risk? Especially considering the information we have now.
Zock: oh yeah the lady dokuso case
Zock: idk i dont think jeantonios going anywhere soon
Zock: taco truck things
JulieJulia: Taco truck?
Eevee: whatever ignore him
Eevee: carm just believes in second chances
Eevee: and i gotta agree with her
JulieJulia: Alright, I’ll see what I can do.
Himbo: WE will see what WE can do! you are welcome!
A letter from Graham Calloway addressed to Sheena Smith
Hey Sheena,
I just wanted to see if you’re okay. I’m sorry about getting you captured, I…God what am I even doing?
Just take care, okay Sheena? I don’t know how ACME jails work but maybe they have parole or something? I know you can be so much more than a cat burglar, Sheena. Write me back? Please? I miss you. And I'm worried.
Gray
A manila envelope on Agent Ivy Boston’s desk
Case File: Antonio de la Mora AKA El Topo, Jean-Paul LaCroix AKA Le Chèvre
Last Known Location - Unknown
Threat Level: 3
Little threat to agents. Always seen together. Known skills: El Topo - digging, stealth, food preparation, truck driving. Le Chèvre - acrobatics, stealth, sarcasm, taking selfies.
Enclosed is a single picture of two men in a taco truck, smiling.
A video message sent to all qualified A.C.M.E. agents from Chief Fraser
In two days, we will be conducting the largest raid on a suspected V.I.L.E. stronghold since our first raid on their base of operations a year ago. If our intel is correct, we will be facing some of the most dangerous members of V.I.L.E., its four figureheads notwithstanding. I implore all of you to proceed with caution. The fight will be long and hard, and the danger will be great. But I know all of you are here because you are determined to fight against those who wish to plunge the world into darkness. And so I believe we will prevail, but only if we all do our part. Please go over your dossiers for your assignments, and godspeed. May we end this threat to humanity once and for all.
A birthday card tucked away in a taco cashier’s back pocket
Mi amor,
Happy birthday! I feel so lucky to be sharing this special day with you, to be by your side. You’ve been a steady constant despite all the times we’ve had to uproot our lives this year. I don’t know what will happen to us tomorrow, if something will come and yank us from our lives again, but I do know that as long as I am with you, I will be okay.
Apologies for the lack of a birthday gift, there were some shipping delays. I’ll make it up to you with cake, lots of cake. And champagne.
With love,
Your mole.
A chat log from a group chat titled: Team Carmen
Zackasaur: i didnt know you and shadowsan were gonna show to our raid carm
Zackasaur: thanks for the backup tho
Mermivy: chase says thank you for saving his butt from bookers explosive cookies.
iCarlySantamonica: I mean did you see who was there though?
iCarlySantamonica: Cookie Booker, Lady Dokuso, The Troll, The Curator
ReadyPlayer1: it was like vile 2.0 was about to form or something
Dadowsan: Which is why we had to get involved.
Zackasaur: well im glad you did
Mermivy: cant believe we bagged four vile operatives
Mermivy: mega score
iCarlySantamonica: Paper star still got away
ReadyPlayer1: im monitoring her activity as we speak
Dadowsan: She is shrewd. I reckon she will be laying low for the time being.
Mermivy: you were right about jeantonio carm
Mermivy: they werent there
iCarlySantamonica: Jeantonio?
Zackasaur: i coined it
iCarlySantamonica: Catchy
iCarlySantamonica: You two better go report to your superior though
Dadowsan: She is looking rather stormy.
Mermivy: zack what did you do
Zackasaur: the car i crashed was totally not my fault okay!
Dadowsan: andioop.gif
A letter from Sheena Smith addressed to Graham Calloway
I don’t know what kinda game you’re playing here, Gray. I’m stuck in a two by four foot cell with Dr. Bellum's nerd babble and Countess Cleo’s constant whining as my only friends. I’m doing great, thanks for turning me in to the authorities, I can’t believe how good of a friend you are!
Okay, that was nasty. But you deserve it, jerk. Not gonna guarantee I’ll write back after this, but I’ll tell you something, since you're so worried about me. (But we all know it's Carmen you're really worried about, right?) They might be doing a rehabilitation program based on good behavior, I don’t know. Heard only me and Mime Bomb are eligible so far.
You take care of yourself, Gray. Better not hear about you ending up in an Icelandic jail or a hospital again, or I’ll come and kill you myself.
A receipt from a jeweller in Austin, Texas
Ring, gold, size 11…………….$1,430.00
A classified file in an A.C.M.E. database
List of Known V.I.L.E. Operatives.
Caroline Brunt - Coach Brunt Status: Apprehended
Cleopatra Amari - Countess Cleo Status: Apprehended
Professor Gunnar Maelstrom Status: Apprehended
Dr. Saira Bellum Status: Apprehended
Suhara Toyotomi - Shadowsan Status: [Redacted]
Nigel Braithwaite - Roundabout Status: Apprehended
Sheena Smith - Tigress Status: Apprehended
Jean-Paul LaCroix - Le Chèvre Status: Active
Antonio de la Mora - El Topo Status: Active
Graham Calloway - Crackle Status: [Redacted]
Niccolo Lombardi - Mime Bomb Status: Apprehended
Kimiko Hoshikawa - Paper Star Status: Active
Cookie Booker - Bookkeeper Status: Apprehended
Dash Horowitz - Dash Haber Status: Apprehended
Aya Dojima - Lady Dokuso Status: Apprehended
Hailey McMahon - The Mechanic Status: Apprehended
Priyanka Vaswani - The Driver Status: Apprehended
Neal Johnson - Neal the Eel Status: Active
Oscar Nilsson - Otter Man Status: Apprehended
Hugo Bergstrom - Moose Boy Status: Apprehended
Victor Mariano - Spin Kick Status: Apprehended
Maria Trapp - Fly Trap Status: Apprehended
Hunter Brown - The Troll Status: Apprehended
Marta Contreras - The Curator Status: Apprehended
Boris Smirnov - Cleaner Status: Active
Vlad Smirnov - Cleaner Status: Active
All active V.I.L.E. operatives are presumed armed and dangerous. Proceed with caution. See pages 36-39 for V.I.L.E. handling protocols.
A note taped to the roof of a taco truck in Austin, Texas
Look, we know you guys have been watching us. We don’t know what your deal is, but you haven’t arrested us yet and we’ve given you plenty of chances to do so. Like, plenty. Just, can you two be a pair of dears and stop the mind games, please? Oh, and tell Carmen we’re getting married. Thanks. By the way, if you want a taco, just come up and buy a taco. Your drooling is creeping out the customers.
Jean-Paul + Antonio
A transcript of a conversation between Chief Fraser and Agents Devineaux, Argent, Boston, and Boston
Chief: Look, I will cut to the chase. I reassigned you two to the El Topo and Le Chèvre file, at the recommendation of you two. Yet there has been no progress made on that case at all. In fact, we know less now than we did when Agent Zari was on the case. Care to explain?
Agent Zack Boston: Um, there’s a perfectly logical explanation for that
Agent Ivy Boston: Yep, super logical.
Chief: Really? And that would be?
Agent Zack Boston: They’re really slippery! Like that eel guy, we just can’t pinpoint them at all!
Chief: Our files indicate that you two have been spending an awful lot of time in Austin, Texas.
Agent Ivy Boston: Um…
Agent Julia Argent: If I recall correctly, you two told me something about a barbecue festival happening there, correct?
Agent Zack Boston: Yeah, barbecue! Scoping out the competition for an eating contest!
Chief: And this is relevant to our investigation, how?
Agent Chase Devineaux: You never know if a V.I.L.E. agent will force you to eat a ton of meat!
Agent Ivy Boston: Yeah, some of them are into weird stuff.
Chief: Then how do you explain Ms. Smith’s knowledge of a certain ceremony that will soon happen between two certain ex-V.I.L.E. operatives? Her only interactions are with those in her jail block and with her rehabilitator, Miss Argent .
Agent Julia Argent: I–
Agent Ivy Boston: Um–
Agent Zack Boston: You see–
Agent Chase Devineaux: We–
Agent Zack Boston: Uh, how do you know that Sheena knows?
Chief: We vet all incoming and outgoing letters to the prisoners here. She has been keeping correspondence with Mr. Calloway.
Chief: I see you’re all out of excuses. All four of you have been such stellar agents, I do not know why you would be actively shielding two former V.I.L.E. operatives in such a manner. Might I remind you of the threat they pose?
Agent Ivy Boston: That’s the thing, we know! But Carm, and well, we, think they’ve turned over a new leaf since V.I.L.E. fell.
Agent Julia Argent: I would be inclined to believe Carmen Sandiego. And while I know these two are not innocent…
Agent Chase Devineaux: Second chances, chief. You gave me a second chance, and, well… Maybe these young men deserve their own second chance?
Agent Zack Boston: Chief?
Chief: Very well. I will choose to turn a blind eye to this, just this once. But next time you wish to give pardon to ex-V.I.L.E. agents, I expect at least three files worth of justification and evidence. Are we clear?
Agent Ivy Boston: Crystal.
A letter from Graham Calloway addressed to Antonio Moreno and Jean-Paul Gautier
Hey mates,
Liking the new names. Congratulations on the engagement, you two, about time you guys tied the knot. I heard all about it from Sheena, don't ask me how she knows. Glad to see you guys are making something out of yourself, yeah? I’m real happy that at least you two managed to find some peace. As for me, well...I’m doing okay too. Maybe when I’m in Austin, I’ll swing by and try your tacos. Read the yelp reviews, they look delicious, mates.
Take care,
Gray
Multiple cards addressed to different addresses around the world: Argentina, Japan, Australia, America
You are cordially invited to the wedding of Antonio Moreno and Jean-Paul Gautier. Sunday, the second of February, two thousand twenty four, at three o’clock in the afternoon in the Allan House, 1104, San Antonio Street, Austin, Texas. Dinner and reception to follow.
An extra note attached to the card sent to Sydney, Australia
If you wanted an invitation to the wedding, you could've just asked. We want you here if you can make it, Gray. Dress up a little, and bring decent booze. None of that weird hipster wheat brew stuff.
-Jean-Paul and Antonio
A chat log from a group chat titled: Team Carmen
ReadyPlayer1: man i wish i was at the wedding
ReadyPlayer1: stupid parents not letting me travel
ReadyPlayer1: its literally right under canada!
Dadowsan: You are missing out on quite the entertaining night.
Dadowsan: Graham and Carmen had a most awkward conversation.
ReadyPlayer1: shouldn’t you be on the dance floor right about now?
Dadowsan: Their dancing is much too modern for me. Too much grinding of bodies, not enough death drops.
Dadowsan: It appears Zach has challenged Jean-Paul to a dance battle.
Dadowsan: He is currently flailing his arms very strangely while groom number two is throwing it back, as your generation would say.
Dadowsan: I did not know Jean-Paul's posterior could move like that.
ReadyPlayer1: aw man! I wanna see this
Dadowsan: I will record video evidence.
Dadowsan: You should get back to your homework, Player.
ReadPlayer1: yes dadowsan
Shadowsan: periodt.png
A pair of petitions for change of name
Current Legal Name:
Antonio Moreno
Legal Name as Changed:
Antonio Moreno-Gautier
Current Legal Name:
Jean-Paul Gautier
Legal Name as Changed:
Jean-Paul Moreno-Gautier