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Remus didn't know whether to be turned on or pissed off at the fact that he had just suffered a hard blow on his head that had knocked him out in an instant, only to awake tied up on a chair with a blue necktie covering his mouth.
He didn't know how long he had been out and how long he had been waiting for whoever caught him off-guard by some strange stroke of luck, but if he finds that person arriving dressed in leather and fishnet, then maybe he could let the rope burns he was now getting a pass.
As he waited, he thought of all the Sides who could be held responsible for his current position. First, he thought of Roman, thought of how this could be his twin brother’s act of vengeance for bashing his head with a mace and traumatizing poor Thomas. But he knew Roman like the back of his hand more than Roman would even care to admit; the prissy Prince would rather hold a more dignified duel to regain his pride than to resort to cheap tactics like this.
Then, he thought of Janus. That slimy snake always had some sort of trick up his sleeve. He probably needed to keep Remus contained so that whatever devious plan he’s hatched wouldn’t get ruined by Remus’ totally helpful suggestions. But to tie Remus up in the middle of a dark room without at least putting on some jazz record to keep him entertained? No, Janus is too much of a classy bitch to be responsible for Remus’ current situation.
He then thought of Patton, because he had always believed that under that bright and bubbly facade was a dirty minx waiting to come out. But really, Patton was too pure a soul that fantasizing about doing dirty things with him made Remus almost feel guilty.
So he thought of Virgil. That alone would rule out the possibility of this being sex foreplay. It would more likely be target practice, or an anger management session from all that pent-up frustration he has against The Others. Then again, Virgil isn’t that tough to think he could stand a chance at all against the deranged creative side.
And so he reached a conclusion (or, at least, he was confident it had been him from the very beginning) that it must be the charming, stone-faced, prudish Logan who landed the aching blow. It was only a matter of time that Logan would break—from the pressure of performing his duties and from the disappointment of never being listened to. Besides, Remus could taste dust particles of old books, a small coffee stain, and the spritz of cologne on the necktie he had stuffed in his mouth. Unless it was to throw him off, Remus was absolutely convinced that the teacher was about to punish his naughty student.
A few more minutes of waiting and Remus had started to become antsy. What if it wasn't who he was expecting it to be? One of the more manic Others that Janus had locked up for the safety of Thomas, who had escaped and is now running rampant around the Mindscape? What if the blue necktie that was beginning to soak up all his saliva was the only remnant left of the family he’s come to love and accept? Remus could imagine it now: all the spine-chilling screams of the Sides as their bodies are slashed and mangled to a point beyond regeneration, their blood splattered all over the walls in a magnificent hue, Thomas clutching his head as he sinks deeper and deeper into madness—
Suddenly, the door of the room swung open and immediately shut, jolting Remus awake from his horrible thoughts. Turning to look at his kidnapper, all worry dissipated as he saw before him an irritated Logan dressed in his well-ironed clothes and perfectly neat tie. Oh god, forget leather and fishnet. Remus flashed him a crazed grin and he wagged his eyebrows at the man glaring at him.
When Logan took off the tie covering Remus’ mouth, Remus hooked his leg over Logan’s as he purred, "Getting kinky aren't we?”
In an instant, Logan brought out a golf club from behind his back and whacked the duke’s knee.
Remus yelped and felt his pants tighten. If he hadn’t been turned on yet, he was now. “Ooh, how did you know I’m into BDSM?“
Logan snarled and grabbed Remus’ collar, seething, "Listen, Duke. You will do exactly as I say when I say it, and I don't want to hear any lip from you, understood?"
A moan escaped Remus’ lips. He was liking this Logan!
"First—and you listen closely—I want you to tell me nothing but the truth. I can sense lies, Remus. Just as much as Deceit can. If you dare mess with me in this stressful state I am in, I swear to Isaac Newton that I will logically innovate more uses for this golf club."
“Oh yes, insert that golf club in me,“ Remus smirked, earning another powerful whack on his arm. “OUCH! Okay, that one honestly hurt like a bitch.”
"Shut up and serve your fucking purpose," Logan growled in a deep voice. Damn, Remus winced, fucking sexy asshole.
Amidst his fantasizing, Remus suddenly felt a plastic straw poking his lips. “Wha—”
"Is this milk still good?" Logan demanded.
Remus blinked at him and raised his eyebrows in confusion.
Irked, Logan forced the straw in his mouth. "I said, is this milk still good?!"
"Uh," Remus sipped. "It isn't spoiled…?"
"Was that a question or an answer, Duke?” Logan threateningly held up the club.
"It isn't spoiled!"
When the carton of milk was taken away, Logan then thrust a head of lettuce against Remus’ face. "How crisp is this lettuce? Tell me how crisp it is!"
"Mmph, it's fine!" Remus groaned.
Then, a spoonful of strawberry ice cream was inserted into his mouth.
"This ice cream! How does it taste? How does it taste, goddamnit?!"
Remus spat out the spoon. “Jesus Christ on a Stick—like Strawberry Ice Cream?!”
Then, a whole meatloaf.
"Eat the fucking meatloaf!”
“Alright, alright!” Remus yelled back when he ate it whole. Just when he thought more were coming his way, Logan dropped the golf club and started sipping on his carton of milk. "Mm, it does taste good."
Remus could only stare agape. "What kind of weird ass foreplay was that?”
"Well, Patton had requested I help clean the refrigerator and, much to my dismay, I discovered a number of items that were left untouched and forgotten. Frankly, I didn’t know what I was supposed to expect; everyone hardly cleans up after themselves. I was most in doubt with these specific products, and I didn't want to take any chances. Since I was certain you could stomach anything, I thought you should test them for me,” Logan answered with nonchalance.
Remus continued to stare at him, winded. “You’re so fucking weird, Logic. Marry me right now.”
“Apologies, but I have work to do.” Logan picked up his golf club and started walking away. “My sincerest gratitude for your help.”
“You’re gonna leave me here? Not even a kiss? A blowjob? Anything?!”
With one last look through the doorway, Remus saw the glint in Logan’s eyes. Then, he opened his mouth to speak.
“No.”
And the door slammed behind him.