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It was raining. Not just raining-- pouring. Hajime liked thunderstorms because of the lightning. But he was tired, so he brushed his teeth and laid down in his bed. It felt oddly peaceful.
Knock.
Hajime ignored it. It wasn’t important, and he wanted to sleep.
Knock, knock.
Whoever was outside his door far past Usami’s curfew was clearly persistent. He groaned.
“Who is it?” He flicked his bedside light on, sitting up.
“Hinata-kun?” A shaky voice was heard from outside of Hajime’s cottage.
Hajime stood up, unlocking his front door. Standing outside, drenched in rain, was Nagito Komaeda. His hair was sopping wet, dripping over his eyes.
“Jesus, what the hell happened to you?” He pulled the boy inside.
“I’m sorry, Hinata-kun, I disturbed your sleep. I’m awful, I should just leave…” He gave a hoarse laugh. “Forget I was even here--”
“You came to my door.” Hajime rolled his eyes. “Why are you out in the rain anyways?”
“Aha, it’s stupid, you wouldn’t want to hear it…” Nagito chuckled. He was shivering, likely from the cold. “I got locked out of my own cottage. Isn’t that unlucky? I’m sorry for bothering you, Hinata-kun--”
“It’s fine, I was awake anyways.” Hajime picked a towel up off the floor and handed it to Nagito, who was still laughing. “Do you need a change of clothes?”
“You’re too kind to me, Hinata-kun. But yes, I suppose I’m a little cold…”
Hajime reached into his dresser and pulled out a t-shirt and shorts, tossing them to Nagito. He laughed nervously.
“I-- I really don’t mean to be picky, Hinata-kun, but do you possibly have anything with…” He breathed in. “Longer sleeves? I’m very cold, and--”
“You can sleep on the couch, I’ll give you a blanket. I don’t think I own anything with long sleeves.”
Nagito nodded, rushing into the bathroom to change.
He didn’t want Hajime to see his arms, but he also really didn’t want to stay in his wet clothes. If it were his own house, he wouldn’t mind at all-- but he was Hajime’s guest, and was probably tracking water all over his floor.
He stared at himself in the mirror, slipping his own jacket off and replacing it with the t-shirt Hajime gave him. It was cotton-white, with a printed pink rabbit on the front. He wrapped a spare towel around his arms before heading back out into Hajime’s living room-- he didn’t know if it would cover anything, but his luck might make it work.
Hajime was sitting on his bed, reading a book from one of the shelves. It had the words “The Complete Guide to Chess for Beginners” printed on the front.
“I didn’t know you liked chess-- maybe you’re the Ultimate Chess Player.” Nagito laughed at his own joke.
“Maybe I am.” Hajime set the book down. “What’s with the towel?”
“I’m… still wet.” Nagito’s smile faded.
“Come, sit with me.” Hajime patted the spot next to him. Nagito reluctantly obliged, taking a seat. He brought his knees to his chest. “Is everything okay, Komaeda-kun?”
Nagito nodded.
“Actually, I’ve never been better! I can’t believe I get to spend the night with someone as talented as you, Hinata-kun!”
“Jeez, don’t say it like that…” Hajime blushed.
“My apologies, Hinata-kun! Would you prefer if I referred to it as ‘sleeping together’?” He smiled. Hajime groaned.
“I suppose nobody wants me around because I act this way. That’s probably why I’ve never made friends with anyone!”
“Hey, you know we’re friends, right?” Hajime smiled at him.
“We are?”
“Of course. If we weren’t, I wouldn’t let you sleep over.” Hajime chuckled. “You’re a little weird, but you’re still my friend, Komaeda.”
“O-oh.” He laughed awkwardly. “Sorry, you’re my first friend… What do friends do, again?” He was definitely blushing, towel still wrapped around his arms. “I’m sorry…”
“Don’t apologize, stupid. Take that towel off and lie down with me, will you?” He plopped down on the bed, patting the blanket next to him.
“H-Hinata-kun!”
“I-I didn’t mean it like that!” Hajime stuttered. “Just--! You know!”
“Do you… promise you won’t get mad?” Nagito whispered. “If I take off the towel?”
“What, did you kill someone?” Hajime laughed. “I won’t be mad at you, I promise. Pinky-swear.”
He held out his little finger. Nagito linked it with his. He slowly slipped the towel off his shoulders, revealing thin arms covered in faded scars and nicks from a razor blade.
“I’m sorry, I must look unsightly. I’ll put it back on--”
“Hey. It’s fine. Lie down, okay?”
Nagito settled into the pillow next to Hajime, so they were lying face-to-face. He propped his head up on his arms, just in case Hajime didn’t want to look at them.
“Why do you do that?” Hajime whispered, eyeing his scars.
“I don’t know. I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay, I just want to understand.” He sighed. “Do they hurt?”
“A little. It isn’t bad.”
“And you make sure to clean and bandage them?”
“Yes, Hinata-kun.” He laughed forcefully.
“Okay.” Hajime sighed again. “Can I touch you?”
“If you want…”
Hajime nodded and took one of his scarred arms in his hands. He ran his fingers up and down the shallow cuts. Some of them were still healing, but most of them looked relatively new. Nagito winced when he pressed too hard.
“Did I hurt you?” Hajime looked up.
“It’s okay. I’m just lucky you haven’t kicked me out of your home yet.” He tried to smile.
“Do you want me to bandage them for tonight?”
“You… don’t have to do that. Scum like me shouldn’t have even--”
“Okay. I want to bandage your arms. Can I?”
“Well, if Hinata-kun wants it, who am I to refuse?”
Hajime shot him a reassuring smile and stood up to go to the bathroom. Nagito watched as he left, and once he was sure he was gone, hugged the pillow that Hajime had been resting on. It smelled like vanilla and cinnamon. It was still warm. His arms stung when he pulled the pillow close, but he ignored the pain for a second and snuggled into the fabric.
“What, would you rather hug the pillow than me?” Hajime was standing over him, holding in his hands a bottle of antiseptic and a few rolls of bandages.
“Hinata-kun! I didn’t see you there!” Nagito dropped the pillow and cleared his throat. “I apologize.”
“It’s okay. Can you sit up?”
“Of course. Anything for you, Hinata-kun.”
Hajime sat down in front of him on the mattress, gently handling his left arm. He poured a bit of antiseptic on a cotton pad and began lightly patting the cuts with it. He scrunched his nose when he worked. Nagito thought it was cute. The fresher wounds hurt a bit when Hajime applied pressure, but he tried his very best not to show it.
When thunder cracked outside the window, Nagito couldn’t help but jump. He whimpered at the sound, spilling the disinfectant bottle all over Hajime’s floor.
“Komaeda, are you okay?” Hajime stood the container up from where it had fallen and put a hand on Nagito’s shoulder.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, Hajime…” He whispered, knees pulled up to his chest. “I spilled the antiseptic…”
“Please, stop apologizing. Everything is fine, see?” Hajime smiled, holding up the bottle. “Did the thunder scare you?”
“Hah, how embarrassing. I’m sixteen and can’t even h-handle a thunderstorm. I’m truly pathetic, aren’t I…?”
“No, you’re not pathetic. It was loud.” Hajime argued. “Different people get scared by different things. I’m scared of needles.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know. I just get bad feelings about hospitals in general. So, it’s totally normal.”
“You really are too kind, Hinata-kun.” He smiled.
“I’m just doing what any good friend would do, Komaeda.” He went back to wiping down Nagito’s arms with the substance. It stung a little less now that his eyes were closed, thinking of something else. Hajime was good with his hands, having his left arm completely cleaned and wrapped by the time Nagito opened his eyes again.
“Alright, give me your other hand.” Hajime said, repeating the process on his right arm.
“I have an idea-- tell me what your dream life is like, 5 years in the future. Go ahead, set the scene.”
“Could you go first?” Nagito asked. “I want to hear yours.”
“Okay, sure.” He breathed. “Uh, I’m probably done with college, living in an apartment in the city with my roommate. We have a pet cat. Um, I take the train to work every day, probably at an office or something. I get lunch at some ramen shop by my office and text my girlfriend. Or boyfriend, I guess. I’m open to either. And then, uh, I go home and have a movie night with my roommate and our partners. And the cat. Kind of mundane, but I think about it a lot. You?”
“Alright. So, do I just… okay. Well, I don’t really care about my own future.”
“Just… tell me. Be selfish for a second. Indulge yourself-- I want to understand you.”
“I live by a lake with my dog. We have a two-story house. Is that good?”
“Keep going…”
“Um, okay. My, uh, boyfriend-- no, my husband wakes me up. And then we take our dog for a walk in the forest.”
“Talk about them. Your dog and your husband.”
“Oh, well, I like big dogs. He would be fluffy, like my old dog. And my husband, uh, I don’t really care what he looks like. Just, nice. He would play piano while I worked. And, um, he would be able to cook, because I can’t.” He laughed. “And a baby? A little girl, and we would dress her up only for her to get mud all over her clothes. Is that stupid?”
“Not stupid. Tell me more about her.”
“I would… protect her with everything I have. So she never feels lonely. So she never… has to watch the people she love die. I want her to be included at school, and have friends who care for her. And a boyfriend or girlfriend who’s good to her. I want her to have parents that, even though they’re annoying, she knows love her. I don’t want her to ever be afraid that she isn’t good enough. I want to be a good father, Hinata-kun. I want my daughter to have the childhood that I never got.”
He looked directly at Hajime, who had finished patching up his arms a while ago. He stayed silent.
“You look like you’re thinking about something. What is it?” Hajime stared at him.
“Nothing, it was selfish of me to even imagine.” Nagito swung his legs off the corner of the bed.
“Just tell me, will you? What’s going on in that head of yours?”
“It’s humiliating, Hinata-kun. You’ll make fun of me forever if I say it.”
“I won’t do that. Is it, like, bad…?” He laughed. “It’s not like you want to have sex or anything. Wait, is it?”
“I wish it was. That would be less embarrassing.”
“Just say it, Komaeda. Please?”
“I’ve gone self-harm free for a week. I just… wanted to tell someone.” He flushed red.
“Huh?”
“Nothing! That’s not even a long time, how humiliating! I shouldn’t have even said it, I’m going to go lock myself in the bathroom forever now--!”
Hajime pulled him into a hug, lowering them onto the bed. Nagito rested his head on Hajime’s chest as he stroked his hair softly. He looked up into Hajime’s eyes. His own must have had stars in them.
“I am very proud of you, Nagito. That’s a big achievement.”
His heart jumped with the use of his given name.
“I know it sounds stupid, but I’ve never had anyone around to congratulate me for little things like that. It makes me… hopeful, I suppose.” He gave Hajime his best smile. “So, thank you.”
“You’re doing a really good job. I genuinely am proud of you.”
“No one’s ever told me that before…”
“Well, now someone has. Be proud of yourself, you deserve it.” Hajime whispered, resting his hand on Nagito’s.
“Can I stay here tonight?” Nagito blurted out.
“Of course. I kind of thought you already were.”
“N-no, I mean, like, here. In your bed.”
“Yeah, do you want me to take the couch? It’s pretty comf--”
“Hinata-kun. In your bed. With you.”
“Oh.”
“You’re right, it would be disgusting for me to make an advance on you like that! You must be truly sick even thinking about it, haha!”
“Jesus, Nagito. Yes, we can sleep together, in the literal sense. Okay?”
“Thank you, you really are generous.”
“Do you want the light off?”
“Yes, please.”
Hajime stood up and flicked off the light switch, turning the fan on.
“One more thing, Hinata-kun?” Nagito smiled as he sat down on the bed. He usually kept a light on so he wouldn’t get nightmares, so the new dark of the room worried him slightly.
“Yes?” Hajime laid down next to him.
“Can we cuddle?”
“…Yes. Platonically.”
Nagito grinned and propped his leg up in between Hajime’s. Hajime noticed a few scars on his inner thighs when he lifted his leg up, but he stayed silent. Nagito wrapped his bandaged arms around Hajime’s waist, settling his head into the crook of his neck. Hajime could feel his breath on his collar. Hajime rested his chin on Nagito’s head, stroking his hair gently. He swore he heard Nagito purr at the touch.
“Hinata-kun?” Nagito whispered. Hajime could practically hear his smile.
“Yes?”
“Can I be the little spoon?”
“Sure.”
Nagito rolled over on his side and let Hajime wrap his arms around his waist. He sighed at the warmth of Hajime’s knee in between his thighs. Hajime snorted at the sound he made, but he didn’t feel like he was being mocked.
“Are you comfortable, Hinata-kun?”
“Yeah. Be quiet now, will you?
“I’m sorry. I don’t know how you aren’t disgusted--”
“Shh. Quiet, remember?”
“Right. Sorry. Goodnight, Hinata-kun.”
Hajime hummed against his head, running his fingers through Nagito’s surprisingly soft hair. Nagito hummed. The rain continued to patter at the cottage windows, and Nagito still flinched at the sound of thunder. But the company of another person calmed him down significantly, and he was able to forget about his fears for a bit.
When Hajime woke up, Nagito was on top of his chest, his head buried in his neck. Long wisps of white hair tickled at his nose as he gently snored. He had drooled a bit onto Hajime’s shirt sometime during the night.
Platonic cuddling. Right.
“Mm…” Nagito mumbled, his hands reaching up Hajime’s shirt and stroking his stomach. They were unnaturally cold against his hot skin.
“Komaeda?” Hajime poked his cheek. He giggled softly in his sleep. “Wake up, Komaeda.”
It was their off day, wasn’t it? They could sleep in for a little bit longer. Hajime sighed and went back to stroking Nagito’s hair. Sun shone through the windows and onto their bodies.
He was still tired.
“You know, you have really pretty eyelashes…” Hajime mumbled, staring at his sleeping form. “At first, I didn’t notice, but they’re blonde. It makes you look like an angel…”
Nagito hummed into his neck.
“You’re really pretty, you know that?” He whispered to Nagito, cheeks flushing red. “You’re the prettiest thing I’ve ever seen. You could be a model-- no, you’re too pretty to just be a model. You’re like a painting.”
“Hajime…?” Nagito mumbled. Hajime could feel the vibrations against his collarbones. He blushed, hoping Nagito hadn’t heard what he said.
“You’re awake.” Hajime observed. “Good morning, sleepy-head.”
“Mm, morning…” He yawned, opening his eyes slightly. He patted Hajime’s unruly hair.
“You sleep well?”
“Sleep… Hinata-kun…” He rubbed his eyes, sitting up. “… your room…?”
“Don’t worry, we just fell asleep in the same bed. You got locked out, remember?”
“Oh… I remember now. I guess…” He yawned again. “I should go back to my cottage…”
“No,” Hajime said, a little too forcefully. “I mean--! Your door is probably still stuck, right? We can… eat breakfast together.”
“Okay… thank you, Hinata-kun.” He grinned widely. “I’d like that.”
“Your clothes should be dry now.” Hajime made his way to the bathroom, where Nagito’s clothes were drying on his shower door. He picked them up, and to his dismay, they were still sopping wet.
“Komaeda, do you want me to bring some food back to the room? Just tell me what you can and can’t eat.” He walked back out into the main room, grabbing a white button-down and a pair of jeans. He slipped off his t-shirt and replaced it with the other, buttoning it as quickly as he could. He combed his hair with his hands and turned to Nagito, who was still resting on the bed.
“Komaeda? Are you vegetarian or anything?”
“No, I’ll eat anything.” He snapped out of the trance he seemed to be in. “Just not coffee. It tastes weird.”
“Noted.” Hajime laughed and slipped his shoes on. “I’ll be right back. I’m going to get us some food.”
“Bye-bye…” Nagito sighed and laid back on the pillows.
Hajime slapped a pile of pancakes onto both of his plates, making sure to get a small jar of warm maple syrup and fresh berries on the side. Teruteru looked happy that someone was eating all of his food.
“You’re hungry today! Or could it be you’re bringing something for your lover~?”
“I’m delivering food to a friend of mine. That’s all you need to know.” He rolled his eyes, pouring hot coffee into a mug. “Do you have juice, or something?”
“My, my! Is my coffee less than satisfying, Hajime?” The chef looked appalled.
“No, my friend doesn’t like coffee.”
“Well, that narrows the list of potential suitors by quite a bit!” He grinned mischievously.
“Does it really?” Hajime asked with mock interest.
“Tell me, Hinata, is Komaeda any good in bed?”
“Wh--!” Hajime nearly dropped his mug. “How did-- where did you get that idea?” He narrowed his eyes, squatting to glare at Teruteru.
“He’s the only one who hasn’t come by for breakfast yet… you do know it’s almost noon, don’t you?”
“Look, it’s not… anything like that! He got locked out of his cottage, and I let him stay over. That’s it.”
“I understand, I do. But I must admit, I am curious. I’ve always got the submissive “bratty” type of vibe from him--”
Hajime gave him the coldest glower he could muster. Teruteru cleared his throat.
“Never mind. See you, Hajime!” He scampered off back into the kitchen.
Hajime scoffed and poured a glass of apple juice for Nagito, placing it on the ceramic plate before exiting the restaurant.
The door swung open to reveal Hajime with two full plates in his hands. He had brought juice for Nagito, too-- how thoughtful of him!
“Hinata-kun, you came back!” He hopped out of the bed to greet him. Hajime set the plates down and immediately covered his face with his hands.
“Komaeda! Where are your pants?”
“I took them off! Don’t worry, I’m still wearing my underwear--”
“Can you please put them back on?”
“Of course. Anything for my Hinata-kun!”
“I’m not--!” Hajime groaned. “You know what? I don’t care. Put your damn pants on, Komaeda.”
He nodded enthusiastically and slipped them over his legs. Hajime sighed and picked up Nagito’s plate, handing it to him. Nagito smiled widely and gratefully took it.
“Thank you!” He grinned. “I was good while you were gone.”
“Wh-- that just makes me think you did something!”
“But I just told you I didn’t.” Nagito responded, taking a seat on the mattress. Hajime joined him. “I wanted to…” He trailed off.
“Oh,” Hajime chuckled. “You want me to praise you, huh?”
Nagito stared at his food silently.
“Good job, Komaeda.” Hajime ruffled his hair gently.
“T-thank you, Hinata-kun.” He stuttered.
“This is a lot of food… usually I don’t eat breakfast or lunch…” Nagito poked at his plate.
“Can you at least try to have half of it?” Hajime asked.
“T-that might make me sick, but I’ll try.”
“I don’t want you to do anything you’re not comfortable with. Just… eat until you’re full. Okay?”
“I’ll do my very best…”
“That’s all I ask.” Hajime gave him what he hoped was a reassuring smile.
“You have a nice smile, Hinata-kun.” Nagito observed, shoving a strawberry in his mouth.
“Um, thanks?” Hajime took a sip of his coffee, trying not to blush. He just meant it in a friendly way. Obviously.
“And…” He grabbed Hajime’s right hand, running his fingers along his palms. “You have pretty hands. I noticed them last night.”
“Huh…?”
“I like it when you play with my hair because your hands are always warm.” Nagito noted. “And I like your freckles. The ones on your nose. I like everything about you, Hinata-kun.”
“Komaeda?”
“D-did I step out of line? I sincerely apologize. You may hit me now. Not that you need my permission, of course! Hit me whenever you want--”
“Komaeda.” He put a hand on Nagito’s forearm. “I’m not going to hit you. Don’t say weird things like that, okay? Now have some more food.”
Nagito nodded, shoving as much pancake as he could fit in his mouth. Hajime stopped him, taking his fork.
“Don’t eat so fast, you’ll get sick.” He reprimanded.
“I’m sorry. I just wanted to please you…”
Hajime sighed, cutting a piece of pancake with the side of the fork and impaling it with its tongs. He lifted it up and took it to Nagito’s face, tilting the boy’s head up with his fingers. He opened his mouth compliantly.
“That’s how much you should eat at a time.” He explained, setting down the fork. “If you really can’t eat anymore, you can be done. But I’d like it if you had another bite, can you do that for me?”
“Yes!” Nagito replied immediately. “Anything you want!”
He eagerly sliced the food by himself and placed it in his mouth, staring expectantly at Hajime until he swallowed it.
“Uh, good job…” Hajime smiled awkwardly. “I’m proud of you.”
Nagito beamed at him, completely overjoyed at the praise.
“But, you know, Komaeda…” He smiled patiently. “You don’t have to force yourself to please me. If you want me to compliment you, you can just ask.”
“I really can’t, but thank you anyways!” He smiled. “I don’t even deserve to be your friend, Hinata-kun. You’re… the first friend I’ve ever had.”
“Komaeda, you said you would do anything for me, right?”
“Of course.” He nodded hastily.
“Compliment yourself.”
“W-what?”
“Say something nice about yourself. For me.”
“I… um, okay. If it will make you happy.” He cleared his throat. “My, uh, my hair…? I’m sorry, Hinata-kun, I can’t…”
“It can be anything.”
“O-okay, well, my mother used to say I have a nice smile… is that good?”
“You do have a nice smile. Can you say it?”
“I… have a nice smile.” He announced shakily. Hajime smiled at him. “I’m sorry, I don’t really--”
“I’m proud of you, I know that must have been difficult. Thank you.”
“Of course! Whatever you want!”
Hajime pulled him into an awkward hug, ruffling his hair. Nagito clung to his tie, unsure of the foreign contact.
“H-Hinata-kun? What’s going on?”
“I’m hugging you.”
“W-why?”
“Because you looked like you needed it. You can hug back, you know.”
Nagito shakily wrapped his hands around Hajime’s shoulders and pressed his cheek to his chest. It was a nice feeling.
“Thank you for hugging me. It’s nice.”
“Mhm.”
“And thank you… for being my first friend. I won’t let anything happen to you, Hinata-kun, I swear.”
Hajime pulled away from the embrace and ruffled Nagito’s hair some more, since he seemed to like the contact so much.
He put a hand on Nagito’s cheek and kissed his forehead gently, making them both flush.
“Do you… want to go on a date with me?” Hajime whispered, chuckling. Nagito giggled.
“Yes, I would like that. Very much.” He rested his hands around Hajime’s face, hoping he wasn’t overstepping his boundaries. Hajime kissed his cheek lightly, which only made him giggle more. “Hinata-kun, stop!” He laughed.
“Okay, okay.” He snorted and pulled away. “Are we, like, boyfriends now?”
“U-um, if you want to be…”
“Right, cool. Uh, what do you say, boyfriend? Should we get going?”
Nagito took his extended hand and squeezed it.
“Yeah. Let’s do that.”