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If Mrs. Butters taught Dean one thing in her short time with them in the bunker, it was to appreciate the little things in life. Things like eating a home cooked meal, celebrating the holidays or just telling the ones you love that you do, in fact, love them.
Dean glances over at Castiel where he’s sitting crosslegged on the floor in front of their overlarge Christmas tree, the twinkle lights glittering in his blue eyes. There’s wrapping paper surrounding the angel, an absolute mess of tissue, curled ribbons and gift box halves. His head is tipped back as he studies the tree, taking in every ornament and strand of tinsel they’d lovingly hung the night before, and he’s beautiful with the warm incandescent (because “fuck those fake looking LEDs”) lights shining on his face.
Christmas dinner has long been eaten and cleaned up. Sam and Eileen have disappeared down the hallway to Sam’s room, and Jack returned to Heaven only a half hour ago to attend to whatever it is he does up there. To be honest, Dean doesn't care what Jack does, as long as this paradise on earth thing he cooked up holds out.
Dean and Castiel, well, they’d decided to linger a little while longer. Partly because Dean still has a couple more gifts for Cas, and partly because he doesn't have the heart to tear Cas away from the tree quite yet.
Dean surveys the room formerly known as the war room, and feels conflicted. It’s time for a change, and yet, the bunker is the first place that every really felt like home since the night they first lost Mom. I’ll hurt to leave, but he supposes it’s time. It’s not really a home, not with the ghosts of their past trauma around every corner, and Dean’s ready to settle someplace where he can make good memories.
Since Jack decided to send all the world’s monsters off to purgatory saving a few of the good ones like Garth and his family, the bunker has become virtually obsolete. There are boxes packed and stacked by the door. Mostly just personal effects stashed into plain cardboard labeled “Sam” or “Dean.” The weapons and books will stay, though they’ll hang onto the key, just in case. In their lives, nothing has ever been certain, and no matter how often Jack assures them it’s over, trust still doesn't come easy.
Dean looks over at Castiel again. Perhaps one thing, exactly one thing, has always been certain. His faithful guardian angel, the being that saved him from hell fifteen years ago and hasn’t stopped saving him since. Case in point: Dean’s return trip from Heaven after a very flustered Cas cornered him outside the roadhouse, furious that his sacrifice was so short lived, and “What I said before I was taken, I have no expectations, Dean.” Dean had quickly pointed out that Jack resurrected Cas after he took over Heaven so, “was it really a sacrifice, Cas, or are you just mad at me for showing up when you’re clearly avoiding me?” Then Dean gathered the angel up in his arms, angry kissed the life out of him and told Cas he loved him for the first time.
Castiel is his constant, the one person he loves as much as his brother, though in a very different way, and the only person he can’t live without. It should bother him that nothing has ever hurt more or left him as hollow as losing Cas, but he supposes a profound bond just works that way. A man just can’t walk through the world missing his other half and not be affected.
He sighs as he watches Cas draw his knees up to his chest so he can rest his chin on them while he continues to stare at the tree.
“I love you,” Dean says, easy as breathing, for the third or fourth time since they woke up wrapped around each other that morning.
Castiel’s lips quirk up on one side, as he looks over to where Dean sits at the map table, frosty beer in hand and feet up on an empty chair. “I know,” Castiel says, then turns back to the tree with all the wonder of a millions of years old angel looking at his very first Christmas tree. Dean swears it won’t be his last now that they’re free.
Dean chuckles. For the first week or so after they returned to Earth as a couple, Castiel would look at him with disbelief every time Dean professed his love, so he said it as often as possible, just to see Cas’ shining eyes and bright smile and to feel Cas’ plush lips press against his. Now, Dean supposes, Cas believes him. Not that it’ll keep him from saying it every chance he gets. Not if it’ll keep making him smile the smile that lights up Dean’s entire world.
He sets his beer aside and makes his way the few feet over to where Cas is sitting oblivious to the freezing cold concrete floor. Dean drops down in spite of his very human ability to feel temperature and sits with Cas. He presses a kiss to his temple, and wills himself to get on with it.
“You know that first week you were gone?” he asks, waiting for Cas to turn his attention away from the tree. He takes a deep breath and tries not to fall apart. “I was a mess. I was drinking enough to pass out on the floor because watching you get ripped away from me right after you said what you said… knowing that I felt… feel… the same way as you, and not being able to tell you. Knowing that you sacrificed yourself for the likes of me and never got to hear that you were loved in return. Fuck, Cas, I love you so much, and I couldn’t function.”
“Dean,” Cas says softly before taking Dean’s hand and lacing their fingers together.
“Don’t say you know. I know you know. But I have twelve years to make up for, so you’re gonna keep hearing it,” Dean says, firmly, before accepting the kiss Castiel offers him.
He sighs when the kiss breaks, then continues. “Anyway, that week Chuck was still out there, and the whole world was empty. Just poof, Chuck made them all vanish. The world was empty, and we lost everyone we cared about, but I was completely wrapped up in missing you. Then we defeated Chuck and got everyone back, but you were still gone and I still couldn’t get over you. Jack fucked off to Heaven, with no promise of getting you out, and I was just empty inside. And that wasn’t the first time. Every time I lost you, it was worse than the last, and I became more and more self-destructive. The rebar that took me out? I was careless. It was freak accident caused by a stupid mistake that I never would have made if I’d been in my right mind. And I just let go. I accepted my death because I knew it would give me a break from all that… feeling. But it got me back to you. Would you have come to me had I lived? If nothing happened, would you still be here now?”
Castiel’s shoulders slump and Dean has to tighten his grip to keep Cas from pulling his hand free. “Dean, I just wanted you to have a life. I had faith in you. I knew you’d take care of Chuck and be given the opportunity to live. My only thought was that once that life was lived, you deserved a perfect Heaven, so I focussed on that and put my own feelings aside. You have to know that for the short time we were parted, I ached to see you. Had I known…”
Dean nods. “I’m so sorry I never told you.”
“I didn’t do much better.”
“You know, not long before I lost you, when you stayed behind with Sam and I took Jack to Adam?” Cas nods. “Adam was shacked up with an angel. She kept him young and alive for thousands of years so they could stay together. Is that your plan for us?”
Castiel’s head snaps quickly to look at Dean, “Dean, are you saying you’d want us to be together that long?”
“Have you not heard a word I’ve said, Angel?” Dean scoots closer to Cas, pushing into his space and claiming his lips in a deep, explorative kiss that leaves Cas whimpering against his lips. “I never want to be without you again, Cas, not ever. So what are we gonna do about my mortality?”
“I thought we’d just live out your natural life then go to Heaven together when the time comes. Or I could extract my grace and grow old with you, but then one of us will inevitably die first, and if something happens to you, I won’t be able to heal you. Then there’s the fact that you like my wings so much,” Cas babbles.
OK, fair. The night they finally slept together for the first time and massive, iridescent black wings popped out of the ether or some shit in the middle of things, well, maybe Dean’s body reacted a little (ok, a lot) bit. It was certainly an interesting way to learn that his angel boyfriend had been given his wings back when their adopted son had sprung him from the empty.
“Yeah, yeah, I have a wing kink, sue me.”
“Dean, this is serious. I don’t know why we haven’t brought this up before.” Cas looks panicked, and for a split second Dean thinks he’s going to disappear out from under him in a flutter of feathers like in the early years before the fall.
“Look, I don’t care which route we go. You want to keep me this vibrant, young thing and be with me on earth forever, or until we both feel like bailing on this place and going upstairs, cool. You want to wait it out and be with a wrinkly old man in twenty plus years, hey I’ll be proud to have a stud like you on my arm. I wouldn’t love you giving up your grace for all the reasons you already listed, but if it’s what you want, we can talk about it. The only thing I care about is that whatever we choose, you’re mine forever, on Earth and in Heaven.”
“That’s the only thing I’ve ever wanted for myself, in all of my very long life,” Cas says. His body is turned towards Dean now, and he looks like he’s going to end up in Dean’s lap at any second. Not that Dean would be opposed, but there’s one thing he has left to do before Christmas is truly over.
“Hey,” Dean says just before accepting Cas’ lips on his own. “Take a drive with me?”
“I’ll go anywhere with you, Dean,” Cas murmurs against Dean’s lips.
“Counting on it, Angel,” Dean stands and pulls Cas to his feet.
The air is bitterly cold when they leave the bunker but the night is clear, and as they leave the outskirts of town the lights fade away, leaving nothing but endless stars above. They’re cruising down the road for about ten minutes when Cas finally asks where they’re going.
“You’ll see. It’s not much longer,” Dean says, and Cas just silently accepts it with absolute trust and presses his face back to the window to take in the blanket of glittering stars.
Dean smiles at his boyfriend and his newfound attraction to all things sparkly. Millions of years old and now he’s completely entranced by twinkle lights, the stars he’d had the privilege to see as they formed in the sky, and the broken-down, middle-aged, former hunter whose thigh his warm palm currently rested on. Dean supposes that’s their reward for retiring from the life and getting Cas away from Heaven’s clutches for good. They could do this now. They could breathe and pay attention to the little things. Live, laugh, love… Take time to smell the roses, as the sayings go.
Shit, maybe he should have gotten roses.
He pulls off the main drag onto a little dirt road lined on either side with sturdy trees, Baby bouncing as her tires hit the little bumps and dips. He’d have to invest in some gravel to level out the driveway later or maybe have it paved if it’s affordable, but for now, he’s only concerned with seeing Castiel’s face as the trees open up and the dirt road meets a small clearing.
The smile that spreads across the angel’s face is worth the wait.
“Dean, where are we?” His eyes glitter with the light of the thousands of twinkle lights Dean had hung from the trees earlier in the week.
Dean hands him a little box, wrapped with a shiny gold bow. Long, elegant fingers pull the ribbon open then pop the lid and a silver key glints in the dim light.
“I had a bit of money stashed away. Just some assets I moved around from the accounts Charlie set up for us years back. It was enough for a small down payment, and I start my new job after the New Year so we can afford it. I know it’s not much, but it’s ours. For the first time, Cas, I have a real home, and I want nothing more than to share it with you,” Dean says, and in a flash, Cas is across the bench seat pressing him against the door and kissing the breath from his lungs.
Cas continues to kiss Dean until the windows start to fog up, obscuring the twinkle lights, then he’s out of the car and looking around, taking in how the lights are everywhere. Not only had Dean hung them in the trees, but also around the bushes in the front garden. He’d wrapped them around the porch railing and tacked them around the door and windows. Thousands and thousands of white lights surrounded him while the stars shine down from above.
The house itself is small, just a little log cabin shrouded from the outside world by trees. Their own private little shelter from the storm of their previous life. Being out in the woods secluded was never something Dean dared to dream of for himself before, back when things went bump in the night and the woods were something to be feared. But Jack fixed all of that, and now Dean wants nothing more than to escape from everything so his guardian angel, and love of his life, could hold him through any residual nightmares.
He follows his angel now, wrapping his arms around him from behind and resting his chin on Cas’ shoulder. “Do you like it?”
“I do,” Cas says, covering Dean’s hands with his own and leaning back against him. Dean presses a kiss just below his ear and Cas sighs as he relaxes in his love’s arms.
“Look, we don’t have to figure out the far-off future just yet. Grace, no grace… Angel mojo keeping me young or letting me get old and crusty. We have time now to figure that out,” Dean says before reaching into his pocket for one last gift. “We just need to get it sorted before we take care of all the paperwork that’s gonna come along with this. We’ll need to get you some really good documents. Make you all ‘legal’ and shit. I’m sure Jack can pull some strings.”
Castiel’s eyes go wider than Dean’s ever seen them when he turns in Dean’s arms and spots the small black box resting in Dean’s palm. “Dean?”
Dean chuckles, drops to one knee and flips the box open, revealing a platinum band dotted with diamonds that sparkle in the light. “I had a little cash leftover after I closed on the house,” he says with a nonchalant shrug, but his shaking voice gives away his nerves. “What do you say, Cas? Will you marry me?”
Cas is nodding furiously as he crashes into Dean. Dean catches him and meets him in the middle for a kiss before gently nudging him back. He slides the ring on Cas’ finger, a perfect fit, and Cas is staring down at it like it’s the most precious gift he’s ever received. “Yes,” he says firmly.
“Love you so much Angel.”
“I love you,” Cas breathes out as he tears his watery eyes off the engagement band to meet Dean’s eyes. “Show me our new home? And please tell me you bought furniture already because there are things I’d like to do to you tonight.”
Dean’s eyebrows shoot up and he bursts into startled laughter. “I figured we could pick out most of that together, but I might have set up a bed frame and a mattress in case this all went well.”
Cas grins lasciviously and drags Dean up the porch steps.